Do you know when a narcissist is never coming back? 

when you unmask them and shame them they'll never come back.

You're basically dealing with a two headed person who operates out of a shadow self because they know if you knew the real self you'd leave.

When they know they have finally met someone that out smarts them - they won’t be back !

My main problem is my Cognitive Dissonance. My mind is fighting a battle between what I want to do against what I SHOULD do. I want him, but I know its better for me to not have him. 🍒

That’s crazy!! I have said many times when I was with that Malignant that I felt paralyzed. I always felt like I was just frozen. Totally paralyzed and unable to make a decision or know how to get out. I was stuck for a long time. But when you finally see these Demons for what they truly are… that’s when you take your power back. That clown will NEVER have access to me again. NO CONTACT FOREVER.

Cognitive dissonance was his m.o. until I called him out and was then discarded. I now struggle between thinking “Good riddance!” and the thought that he may show up some day and be the man I hoped he would be. Still working to get “unstuck”. Thanks, Ben.

It’s crazy because why do you want someone who doesn’t love you. It’s sad because you really don’t love or care enough for yourself to leave. It’s a lot. But once you get out of the entrapment you’re forever transformed.

They are addicted to you just as much as you are with them..every relationship is different. The non abbuser if you will has to pull the plug.

I got told about women he found attractive the whole time. Basically need to make us jealous because deep down they know we have the power to crush. Authentic people possess that super power. I see it as a compliment now. The heavier the abuse the more of a threat i obviously was

Actions not matching words.....100% of the time.

When you start treating them the way they treat you, that’s it they will leave !

It took me four years to overcome my trauma bond. They hoover all the time and they are always watching their harem.

Exactly right! Focus on the facts, stop creating an alternate reality

his actions showed he cared, but his words weren't

The hardest part for a Narc survivor is that we are trying to frame what happened from our worldview and how our minds work. The problem is that the Narc is psychopathic and does not think the way a regular person thinks. It's so hard to understand intellectually how someone can be this way, think this way and have zero empathy for another human being. You will never understand, and you will never get closure on it. You have to create your own closure and understand that these people just do not think like normal people. Also, I always hate when they use only "he" when talking about the narc-I know a lot of men who have been abused by Narcs also, me being one of them.

It took me 3 years to finally understand and break myself free from it.

The breakthrough for me was when I realize I was being a hypocrite to myself. I was self sabotaging and gaslighting myself into thinking that they will change. They would come back to me with a smile and act like they did nothing wrong to me. I became their flying monkey and invalidated my entire experience with them. No More. I really couldn’t care less when it was over for them because it was over for me. Once you stop wondering what they’ll do and start paying attention to what you do, you experience a sense of freedom and joy that is addictive. This is how I was able to cut my mother and siblings off. It feels liberating🎉!!

Exactly!!! I am dying right now. Trauma bonded is so terrible. 😢. Going to grow out. I am def struggling w cognitive dissonance!!!

Yes, you need to make a move. Walking away is your bet. Block him or her on all platforms and be serious about it. Eventually you will get the narcissistic out of your mind. After 10 months of his lying, that was enough for me.

It’s rooted in childhood. You attempt to attain the approval and love that you couldn’t receive from a parent, a caregiver or a sibling. You will seek out “familiar” dynamics and attempt to heal that very deep and painful wound rooted during your developmental years. I’ve come to realize every guy that I’ve gotten stuck on was just a representation of my sister. The only way to heal is to understand and accept what occurred. To come to the acceptance that it’s not about that romantic partner. It’s about someone who was a narcissist during your childhood and you’re doing nothing but a reenactment to try and receive that love from the romantic partner narcissist that you couldn’t get from a family member. You’re trying to heal that pain. It won’t work. You will be stuck in futile, painful dynamics-much like a hamster on a hamster wheel. Break the chains. ♥️⛓♥️

I can relate to many things in this video, unfortunately in my case, the narcissist is my adult son. Not at all easy to let go of, really heart breaking.

My soon to be ex wife cheated on me with many people, got pregnant by a drug dealer, and is talking about me like she was my maid, servant, and prisoner. I did EVERYTHING for her. She didn’t work a day with me for over 8 years. She was always on the phone with her mom receiving instructions. We have a son together and everything. Now she is knocked up by a stranger she’s known for 6 months and is triangulating. I filed for divorce but I am distraught. She did this after my dad passed away. I cannot believe a human could be that reprehensible. She keeps saying how horrible and abusive I was. I did NONE of that. Was always telling her how much I loved her. To say I am traumatized is an understatement.

This video is the best! I thought I was healing and very close to healed saw my ex narc and it’s been a long while we have a child together it’s been close to a year and I do regret going off on him , that shows me that I am not but after hearing this I feel much stronger in my decision to not allow him to trigger me because I know my worth . I wanted HIM to understand my worth and he will never, after watching this I’m more at peace 🕊️ I’m a believer as well

I don't know what your profession is, but you would be a great teacher. Thanks for your work.

Guess what. It’s not about them and what they’re doing or not doing. It’s about you. Are you anxious all the time? Choose you. Get out and get peace back into your life.

People sometimes tamper with the evidence that they are seeing. They charge it into what they want to see in that person. You stay in abusive relationship longer than you should.

Another eye opening video for me. He says something , I believe it, then when it doesn't happen he has an excuse all the time.

I’m about to go 6 months no contact with my husband. He completely left us and left the country, quit his job, became unemployed and continues to blame me and insult me to others. I dealt with a lot of guilt before researching, guilt that I’ve been carrying our whole relationship. I’m doubting everything about myself, how could he stop talking to his own children? How could he harm not only us but himself like this? Is he really a narcissist? He refuses to do any work and the second I put up boundaries he left! I never expected this.

I get it now. Your words clicked with me about cognizant dissonance. With my terrible relationship experience, it started out by being love bombed. He went out of his way to convince me he loved me and was going to marry me. Then the terrible treatment happened toward me. He was very suffocating and was attempting to remove my independence. He wanted me to depend on him and give up my own power and money. He then started cheating on me. In short, you can either believe the nice things he tells you that will happen together, Or you can believe the truth from your heart which is the reality of it all, that you are unhappy in the relationship and deserve to be treated better. This is when you need to take your own power back, love yourself, and believe the truth of how they make you feel, instead of believing and hoping it will get better when it definitely won’t.

Cognitive dissonance is when they give you just enough reward to keep you trying and just enough abuse to keep you walking on eggshells . It confuses the brain and inactivates you. It is hell! It feels like being in a foggy daze. My Narc was the one who decided he wanted a divorce , but never would file. I finally had to just decide that my mental health was more important than the trauma bond and walk away and decide that no matter what I will never go back. It's the hardest thing I've ever had to do, but I'm still on my own and working on healing.

This is exactly what im going thru!!I'm stuck..😢

It takes strength and wisdom to fight and leave the narc. A lot of mind- think and stabs of reality. In the end, i think it's a case of personal crusade that lasts until the enemy is totally crushed which may last an entire lifetime. No surrender, no lost hope, no wavering in battles. Forward to victory.

Yea actions speak louder than words. Took me a long time to realize the reality of all the lying, cheating, and emotional abuse was who he was. When he started his affair with the married Woman down the street and was discarding me. I finally said I was done and left. Filed for divorce and I realize now that his rejection was Gods protection. He is not who I thought he was. He is a total fake. I’m free!!!🥳🎈❤️🙏✝️Hooray.

Are there narcissists that will deny to their death that they Never cheated in any way even though they have?

omg. You are so spot on can’t believe the traits are in all narcissist and how can that be a lot of the things you’re speaking about are exactly what most narcissist do.

if source supply ends then the narcissist would have to go to the next

I'm experiencing the withdraw. And yes, I don't want this again. It was horrible every day. I don't forget how bad it was. I know this is a chemical issue. I am also on guard about the hoover because I want to be ready if I bump in to him. I have seen him driving by when I was out just two days ago. We live in a big town. I think he is lingering nearby just to look for me.

Their words don’t align with their actions

I was "stuck in the middle" for 3yrs and just made my choice 3wks ago and on the day she was due back from visiting family in Phoenix I was gone, no contact! I do not know if she is dead or alive but after 3yrs of not knowing wether or not I was dead or alive and then finding out after making my decision that I am very much alive I really have no intention of allowing myself to be disrespected by "Princeless" Diana

Well, my narcissistic mother is dead. Still, as narcissistic parents are well known to leave a lot of trouble in their wake and she certainly did, there was no funeral and she didn’t get buried, nor embalmed, like she wanted. Instead, she was embalmed and cremated. Might want to have her re-cremated, just to make certain she doesn’t return.

Well, happened to me. And happened so hard, that even after 2,5 years after breakup, knowing what she did and what she was conciously doing, still I'm wondering how she is, how it could be, although I'M 100% CERTAIN THAT WHAT HAPPENDED WAS GOOD FOR ME. I'm way, way better without her. And yet, way more often than not, I'm wondering about her. Wish it could already pass.

You are describing what i am going through at the moment. I feel ashamed. Because i miss the person i fell in love with, whom i know now does not really exist. Sixteen years and he is divorcing me. I should be happy that we are not together but it is easier said than done. He accused me of ruining his life !!!karma will visit him i am sure. Its always some one elses fault not his. A friend told me recently "as long as i have known him he has always played the victim". I will heal. My husband is divorcing me. He has to be in control but when things go wrong he never accepts responsibility.

Most of the suspected narcs in my life have been female.

True brother , cognitive dissonance i understand 👌

I was married for 27 years 3 kids money all hidden in a family trust so when we went to lawyers I owed him he was very gracious in not taking alimony lol. He recently told me I was reason he wasn’t successful

Took more than 10 years to walk away. He had actions but no words

why do they say the most messed up things to hurt u.. then come bk he told me im ugly with no makeup n im nasty n he dont love me im a nag n im a pos n he never loved me n he hates me

Dismantle your negative core beliefs that keep you locked in Disneyland! Although, it is not a fun ride!

I’ve been stuck for 3 months now , but as of the last 4 days I’ve been no contact. I’m not going to lie , my feelings of loving this woman makes it really hard , but this time I’m choosing self love before anything else. I know I don’t deserve to be treated this way. I should had been done a long time ago. So now whenever I start missing her or feeling lonely , I jump in here and watch these videos , and educate myself a lot more of those evil disorder.

This is so hard to hear, but is 100% right.

Yes. All the time. Words and actions never aligned.

Thank you! I needed to hear this. At times, I feel I'm weak because I want to see the good. However, that's a blessing because I'm a positive person. I have learned to follow actions! You'll know them by what they do!

I know he isn’t coming back for at least a year.. protective order in place. I’m using the time to heal and break the bad habits of hope and forgiveness to him.

Oh yes I can recall all the opposing views and opposing actions. I would look at him and see how badly he was doing this. How much he was suffering from this crazy life.

I would have to say I finally ended things and I feel like for the first time I'm never going to hear from him again. It took eight years but honestly what helped was the past year I really strived to improve my life. I worked on myself without him knowing. But I definitely struggled iwth cognitive dissonance. I even told him I stopped relying on his words and relied on his actions.

This is making so much sense and helping.

I left him 5 months ago because I no longer believed his words or actions.

Cognitive dissonance. Wow. This was such an awesome video, thank you!!

You never said how you know they're never coming back!!

When will a judge finally stop playing his games and punish for not following his court order?! It’s been two years!

Cognitive dissonance causes difficulty…I didn’t want to deal with the past person but because it involved children it caused me to try coparenting which would cause and contribute to trauma in everything we experience when he was aware I didn’t want to deal with him…I feel guilty for it…To top it off, I talked to my family about everything I experienced and it as if they encouraged the experience so I shutdown and seemed stuck…Im mad with myself…Im still struggling with why my circumstances seemed so complicated when it was coparenting…As I recollect and I realize, it’s as if I was there and I wasn’t there…Down and in a daze those days…I guess I was in survival mode, struggling and suffering through the days and didn’t know I was as down as I was…Its hard and it hurts, it’s changed us completely…I wanted us happy and healthy and trying to tolerate the narcissist definitely did the opposite of that…I’m empty inside, emotionally exhausted, not myself…Narcissism is way worse if involving children, their way to control and continue contacting you…A entitled and selfish individual acting intentionally and manipulating to deliberately damage you and your mind…I wish I would’ve seen these type of videos on RU-vid 2-3 years ago

I had no problem deciding what to do. I divorced him when I found out he had been cheating on me.

Can someone please explain to me why my toxic ex refuses to visit with his children, refuses to pay any child support, or wish his children happy birthday but then wishes me happy birthday on the day... with months of ignoring his babies, I just don't get it.

I have a bachelors degree but preload at UPS just so I can have PPO insurance and pee existing so I can see therapists and also have EMDR. You need to understand in order to get better. A pay cut it’s a big deal, I have a bachelors degree but I’d my mind isn’t back to the old me as much as I can go back to that then I won’t be what I’m attended to be. I was suppose to wake up 6 months later retarded from a coma. I woke up 11 days later and I’m not retarded, but in general come into the facts. You may never be the old you. Who says that’s bad? Maybe god had better things and a plan. I think he did for me.❤️🙏🏻❤️

The person seems to have several people all in one. And you never know which person you are dealing with?? Sounds crazy…

Hope is a whore when dealing w a narc. Narcs use hope as a weapon.

Give up hope

Holy fuck so true sometimes i am stuck mentally not getting my things done and not knowing why because of the mental fog or feeling stuck sometimes even in bed wtf?

In it right now...its the worst

EVERY SINGLE DAY

I know who they are and I know that I don’t want them back but why do I still want to know what is happening in their life? I don’t speak or see him. We exchange straight forward emails about our children.

I had told the narc I wasn't in love with him many years ago. An wanted it to end 2006 to be exact refused to allow me to leave always drama an I had finally Said no more an thought I need to put thibgs into action to show him I'm serious I have no regrets. At all

Do you guys realize, you are all speaking to an active narcissist? Self-aware doesn't mean healed.

Users and abusers in every way possible

So true. Sound like my life

I have learned that underlying cognitive dissonance is addiction to the fantasy you can't come to terms with being non-reality. That's why you MUST do everything to bring yourself to the point of greater RADICAL ACCEPTANCE and, finally confront fighting the last battle - the battle which is in the mind, because (ultimately) the addiction takes refuge in the mind i.e., once FULL/TOTAL NO CONTACT has been established through other battles you have got past. For example, one battle is: have you changed your phone number and deleted the narcissist's number? Why not? Are you making excuses as to why you haven't done this yet? Yes, this is psychologically difficult for any target to do of course, but (REALITY CHECK) you are not ready to do battle with yourself being the priority until you shut down every arena of interaction with the narcissist. You MUST decide to WAR with this and actually 'do battle', until then you will not be effective. You will remain 'stuck' or trapped.

Hey Ben, you kinda made cognitive dissonance sound like it was just that you couldnt make a decision between two options. When really it is an uncomfortable feeling that you cant shake because the evidence does not reflect your beliefs. I believe its your bodys warning system. You believe he loves you but his actions are showing he doesnt. Your mind and body will make this uncomfortable until your beliefs match up with the evidence . So you can change your definition of love or admit he doesnt love you.

we used to break up all the time and get back together then the last time i told her friends now they don't want to know her at all. Now she truly hates me and wants nothing to do with me/ She says I betrayed her trust

I want to know how I can protect his next victims. Its not an official crime to hurt people emotionally I guess. But I really want this guy to be unmasked. Because hurting ppl like he is doing should be illegal. :/

Yes

I don't believe either words nor actions I stopped paying attention an mentally ignoring now if I want to listen to a song I do I don't worry if he slipped something into it to confuse Me for over 20 years was always judged an given third degree for I liked a song who you thinking of why no way to live

When they are deceased

Ex Gerald went so far had another guy cone in an repeat everything I can not stand in tge bedroom to hace him do it to abuse an hurt me emotionally to keep my head stuck in past instead of allowing me to move on an tried to. Make me think it was my oroblen with another man I knew better immediately

100%

Answer the question...... are they coming back...... not me.

The only time they’ll never come back is when each of them are Stone Cold Dead!

Can anyone tell me if this is why I felt he had a split personality? Is that a Narcissistic trait ?

I'm not fearful of saying no any longer I've been abused for so long with devaluing an love bombing I feel as if I live my life on alter always.i can't tell u last tine I could truelly relax an know ex Gerald wasn't lerking or videos with sex to feel safe

Tried signing up for the 7 day, and the site won't advance to the next section of the order, in order to go to payment. Very frustrated.

WHO CARES???😂😂😂