Don’t Fall For THIS Early Dating Trap! 

Who's here watching Matthew's dating tips and not dating at all 🤣

stop using text/messaging as a way to develop a relationship before you even meet. Text a little bit maybe even have a phone call but keep it brief and set up a time to meet to see if you even want to take it further. Don’t text a lot until you’re in an actual relationship otherwise it becomes a virtual fantasy.

Audrey's comment about the fear of dating again because of the risk of being triggered (disrupting the peace) is so true. Working on ourselves is essential to gain resilience, but it's an ongoing self-therapy. You will never be able to control what comes at you. Working on your ability to manage the stress from the outside world is the key. ❤

Dating activates all our triggers, insecurities and wounds

This is true. I met this guy who had recently divorced, had his hurt, but needed to experience love, felt lonely, and sad. I saw that he got excited quickly and expected things to go the way he wanted in his own time frame. Because he wasn't healed, he'd got easily triggered and his defense mechanism put up "a wall" that kept him in his pale. I just felt unable to reach his heart in those circumstances simply because it wasn't really available. I pray for this person to heal and find the peace and sense of security in himself. No one goes hurt to a battle. Life can be complicated.

BOTH the woman and long-distance guy are toxic. Red flags on both sides. I am always thankful when a new person shows his bad side early on because then I don't waste time on someone unworthy.

I think early dating is difficult, because you guys are in an early stage to know each other, it is important to do what you say, if you say you'll call, then keep your words, if you are unable to for some reasons, it only takes a few second to text and let them know, I don't think it is difficult, I think it is a courtesy and respect. These are part of the red flags.

I recently met a new man online and the energy I got from him right off the bat was so intense that it made me uncomfortable. Not in a creepy way just in a way that felt like he put way too much excitement so quickly and I fully understood the reason why healthy men have cut me off in the past because I see how I may have come off like that to them. It was very eye opening and kept me from that “love bombing” type of situation too. It made me realize that I would have gotten swept away in that in the past if I had found him attractive and thought he had potential. Wow, very humbling. I hope he gives himself time to heal too.

This is life advice. My mom often says she is good being on her own (she get's triggered often and doesn't have friends). The best answer I could give her once, was that that was the easier path. But yet, it made much more sense as Matthew put it: living in our cave is living an incomplete life, and part of being wise/confident is being robust enough to be in contact with others.

He is into you if he's CONSISTENT. No mixed signals. Keep your spirit of discernment sharp, ladies!

Ugh, thanks for this. I’ve really never dated in my life. Got married fast in my 20’s. Married 26 years, divorced and now I’m trying to learn. I’m used to a husband and put someone quickly in that roll. I’ll just make friends first.

As i watch this....everyone does get triggered..... but the difference of a "emotional healthy" person and not....is the response

You have NO IDEA whether you truly like someone or not before you’ve met in person. Set up to meet safely and in public as soon as you know you’re both interested. Then take your time to genuinely get to know each other. Keep sex off the table and let them show you who they are as you do the same. Just have fun being yourself. Let jokers fall off and be glad when they do. God bless ❤️‍🔥

Matthew said "Girrl, you trippin' " in the nicest way possible, lol.

I do think the woman addressed here at the beginning reacted (outwardly) too strongly, but I don't agree with the idea that she shouldn't have expected consistency because they'd only just started connecting and hadn't yet met. I think this idea is based on a fallacy...it's something that we convince ourselves of because of the (highly unnatural) way of modern day dating. They were texting all day long every day and talking on the phone every day for two weeks. Let's take this back 45 years, when there were no texts, and long distance phone calls were very expensive and would never, ever happen every day unless the parties were rich. No one in history (prior to very recent decades) would have had this much contact and no expectations, because this much contact would have been happening in person on dates or via local phone calls - so, the equivalent of 7 to 14 dates!!!!! It's unnatural and really too much to ask of anyone to have that amount of contact and no expectations of the other person...think about it.

I feel like neither reaction is accurate. The love bomber doesn’t apologize. He gaslights you and makes you feel like you’re crazy. Like he was never supposed to call and you imagined it. Or he’ll simply deflect and pretend he did nothing wrong.

To be honest though if you say you're going to call and you don't that is rude. That person is waiting. If that was work it would be unacceptable. I think people think treating someone as if their time is not important is not acceptable. Yup give him 1 pass, but I would bring it up as well. If he did it again, he's gone. I am FA and I'm single. I'm also happy.

I love Audrey’s questions! Especially the part about getting triggered when starting relationship even though you’re at peace and happy without being in a relationship. I think she has been suchhhh a great addition to an already awesome podcast! Thank you both ❤️ I am experiencing something very similar and this video has provided so many insights! Always looking forward to new episodes and thank you both for the work that you’re doing :)

I’ve done this the pasted 4 years on and off dating apps like a yo yo because when I started to want to date I’m triggered by men so off I go into my little hole again because of the hard work around dating not this time I’m in dating sites and I won’t let the unhealed men make me hide away I will keep trying to find that just one person who is a good one ❤

Love this ! I would agree. When you retreat and center yourself and work on you it is a beautiful thing. And partly on reason we do that, is to not only avoid triggers but WE don't want to see "the worst part of ourselves " whatever that looks like

I think a way for a person to meet their own needs in this situation is to do some self reflection about why they feel so upset before they talk to the other person and if they feel like the person wasn't consistent by not calling they should take some time to get back to a calm state and then have an honest conversation about how it made them feel and what they need from them next time. Then I feel it would also be ok if they didn't text that guy as often as they had before to help them maintain some distance and personal safety or boundary. There may have been some trauma leading to her reaction but it also is a signal to her about what is important to her and possibly that this person may not meet her needs in the long run. I think the girl in this scenario needs some compassion shown to her, not just saying it's a red flag or an overreaction. She just needs some time, self reflection, and belief and trust in her own feelings to get to a place where she is able to clearly communicate and have boundaries that help her feel safe and happy.

I love how real and authentic you both are!! Abundant Blessings to You both and to all you do!! ❤

Really great! The sense of safety/peace comes from me and I'm not relying on another person to fill that for me but to complement it. Very important distinction. Thanks to you both ❤.

Honestly, there are so many dismissive, avoident men I've dated out there is completely bonkers 😂and I'm a secure attachment, and having none of it.

This « interview » was perfect ! I love the flow between both of you. A great example of how to communicate in the couple 💯.

You guys are so beautiful in these videos together. Thank you, this one completely resonates with me. ❤️

Hi Mathew, thank you, thoroughly enjoy watching and listening to you both

Thank you Mathew, an amazing insightful work. “ Expectations are planned resentments “ It’s no o Ed job to make you feel anything, If someone’s behaviour triggers, it’s a sign I would need to look at how I’m reacting and why . Loved this 🌌

Nice to see how passionate Matt is about giving solid relationship advice!

I could never have related to any of your videos more than I did with this one. Thank you for your advice. 🙏

Thank you Audrey & Matthew this video was so helpful!

Happy belated Birthday, Matthew! We share this special Best of Gemini's day ;) ! Keep up the good work! Love from Germany, Imke

Again: Audrey's objections are so good!

This video is pure gold! thank you both!!! I have a very similar story but the differences are 1- we already met in person 2- it's not just one time that he didn't call 3- I'm 32 and don't mind getting triggered about dating, and yes I had wounds from the past 4- he doesn't put effort and I'm done with this.

Love it. Very insightful!!

I Love Matthew, but be great to hear more from Audrey. Her input & opinion is always insightful 🙏🏼

What a clear and articulate couple, you guys are the best!!

When you can walk away from someone not to teach them a lesson, but because I have learnt mine. Is empowering to ourselves..

Matthew, you are so wise and centered!

Very good talk, many solid points to reflect on

this is pure gold, thank you so much!!!

This is so spot on Mr and Mrs Hussey. I’m busted on this one 😊

As soon as she said that there was all day texting off the bat I saw reg flags. GO SLOW people! Healthy people build communication up slowly with time ❤

If all I desire is within me and life in general is the best teacher showing me what’s in my consciousness waiting to be released. It’s very easy to find fault in others the trick is clear my consciousness and everything becomes impersonal and their no juice to it anymore and that’s the work.

Thankyou so much for this great video!

What a session ! Loved it so much ! ❤ luckily I am a love life member 🥰🥰

This is really beautiful. Thank you.

So good as always, thank you

Thank you I needed to hear this ❤️

I really liked this video. It was helpful to me.

A woman reached out to me recently when I reactivated my FB and initiated a conversation. We have always had a thing for each other but life never worked out. She brought up the fact that she wanted to catch up on the phone. Gave her my number and she said she’d call over the weekend. Never did. Messaged her Tuesday and said I was looking forward to hearing from her and maybe in another ten years we’ll catch up for real. Boundaries. Set them and enforce them. When we don’t, that’s when the pain comes…disappointment or frustration. People love to over complicate things.

Totally agree about the triggering!

Sooo good thank you!

For the relationships I've been in where they early on forgot to call or we're inconsistent and I gave it the benefit of the doubt those relationships never improved they only got worse with their inconsistency and their lack of consideration for me and my time so my rule now is one strike they get one strike forget the call one time okay I'm not saying a word It happens the second time and I'm out

Matthew is just brilliant!

Thanks, Audrey for the point about the dating culture affecting your peace. I am uncomfortable using dating apps, so I know that's no longer my place. It's arguably the most deceitful, temporary and toxic dating environment in history. I agree with Matt that dating is another frontier and a measure of our robustness, but dating apps can be the Wild West and i'd rather be living in the Ton.

My last relationship - i gave her ALL of me.. and she took ALL of me when she left for someone else. I feel like I can't give myself to anyone anymore..

🎉This was excellent!!!’n THANK YOU

Thank you so much! Very helpful:)

Mathew is on point with his comment of healthy people feel pressured to show up for them.

At certain deeper level we are the one who is taking our peace away, because we have certain mindset how to see situation. No need to give other people so much power over you, keep your peace to yourself as is it's your bulletproof vest😅.

Or maybe she was right to get upset and end things. If you are already not doing what you say at the very beginning of the relationship and I'm getting frustrated from the jump, then I would pull the plug for sure. But maybe that's my trauma response. Lol.

We missed you Mr. And Mrs Matthew Hussey.

The early phases of dating are the best moments and so much fun. If you take the fun out the early dating ....what's left...? My fondest memories from my youth are also related to the dating game!! The chasing, the unknown, the multiples boyfriends ... The long talks with your besties!! I feel that: if everything is strategized, only focused into trapping a men, the fun is gone. The other person deseves to know who you really are!! I am not from England I didn't grew up reading J. Austen: (in her novels th purposes in life for a woman was to catch a man " welthy", possibly kind to her).

Feeling confident in myself… I can now feel how weird it feels when a guy love-bombs you or overshares too early in dating…. 🍂

Thank you 😊

@Matthew Husey ah, this video describes completely my last dating experience. I got acceptance from the guy and I fell for it. I started to demand security too. So my question is - how do we give acceptance and security to ourselves? Because even with all the yoga, meditation, having friends and family, I obviously lack it

❤thanks for sharing

Why had I not 'met' you before I started dating him ? At least, from now on lots of Greek men are going to lose the opportunity to gaslight and take advantage of my romantic mentality, thanks to you ! I cannot thank you enough That's a promise to myself.

Does anybody else feel like when somebody says they will do something and then they don't that it's a test? Like they're just testing to see how you're going to handle it. If you don't say anything at all they're going to think okay this is how I can treat this person.

❤❤❤loved this and 💯agree!

i wish the male perspective was discussed more often

What if you’re on the other end of this? If the other person occasionally says things like, “I’m having PTSD from my past relationships and thinking you’re going to break my heart?” What is a healthy response? I can’t fix this insecurity and I can’t promise I won’t ever disappoint this person. I don’t even know the definition of “break my heart.” It could be wildly different from person to person. I like this person a lot, but I don’t want the job of propping up their self esteem or acting anything other than authentic if we’re in a relationship.

I just started dating after a 30yr marriage and took 3yrs off to get my life back on track. I know that dating is going to be different but knowing that I will never be with someone who takes all the time and never gives back in a relationship is one boundary I set and stick to. The new man in my life makes an effort to tell me and show me he cares, something I really haven’t had in more than 20yrs. My self worth grows with each interaction and I smile when I think of him. Only God knows the future but I am happy enough. Thank you Matthew and Audrey for your good topic and conversation.

Me.......!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and happy about it too! dont wana put myself thru such suffering

I was in a similar situation, except we met. I noticed the lack of effort after out date, he cancelled our second date, I asked about it point blank does he want to meet again, I got a wishy washy answer about him having only friendly feelings atm and calling me sometime in the future. I sat on it for few days and then messaged that it seems he is not interested in dating in the level I want and thats too bad, casual relationships arent my thing but if he wants purely platonical then that option is on the table and I wished him well in the future.

I love you so much Matthew, how much wisdom you share and how coherent you are ❤ You are my hero 🥰💘

I went through this non sense with someone about 2 years ago. She had clear abdomenent issues. She came in so intense afraid I was going to leave. And I left because it was to much.

Interesting 😊

I just don’t respond to those guys when they finally get around to doing the thing they told me they’d do and didn’t. Not hard, no speaking even necessary. Also dating ONLY EVER disrupts my peace because it’s literally so far all men who are just messing around and wasting your time and playing games. I don’t even communicate anymore about it, I just ghost them. I have enough trauma from trying to date for the last 8 years, I’m protecting myself fiercely from more because I am super close to irreparable damage. Finding love isn’t supposed to be traumatic.

I needed to hear this message today. Thank you

I'm so ashamed I feel so much shame I'm the oldest and my youngest sibling is getting married... AGAIN! (for the second time!!) meanwhile, I've never been married, I have no children, in fact, I've never actually ever been, in a real relationship... (just an awful horrific series of abusive "situationships") I die of the grief and shame just die

Let’s talk nervous system health corporates with finding healthy partners knowing your body and it’s defence and the overexcitement may be your body telling you NO! That’s does not mean the person your dating is bad it means you must be ready to observe and be healthy enough to end bad situations, not stay in them because you have no idea how to respect your self.

How do you know right away if you are dealing with a love bomber and weed them out?

Matthew should make a video about Hawk Thua

It's so hard to date. You must be aware of everything. I want to relax and ease. I'm never gonna date again cause i keep attracting narcissist

That guy could have been testing her. How she would handle him not calling. To test to see if she would become unhinged and also to see how much BS she would tolerate.

Hi, when we get triggered by new partner or dating we grow.. why can`t people accept the growth that happening within themself and instead be grateful for the experience and maybe step away and ask yourself what you can do in order to overcome this trigger instead of attacking the other person or can also grow together with the partner, talking about whats triggering for both of them and try to understand and work out the path together to help each other not to treage it in the future and work on in instead with peace and respect to each other

A good question to ask.. Does this person add to my peace/happiness or do they take away from my peace/happiness… 💛

And the woman getting so upset because he didn't call after a 2 week period of constant texting. She wasn't receiving her dopamine hit. It's a drug and highly addictive.

Being a family minded man myself and the fact that he had kids, I'd imagine his threshold for dealing with a lady blowing up on him would be quite low. Peace in his life is paramount particularly while his primary responsibility is providing for those kids (she is not the most important person in his life and never will be now that he has kids and she's not their mother). I have to wonder that 'before' missing this call that he was reading her as 'problematic' already. I'd say that she needs to know what he's really looking for now that he's had kids (he's accomplished the biggest 'ask' you'd make of a woman.... so what does a new woman mean to him 'now'). The same assessment is there if she had kids and he didn't (aka: done with making kids? done with raising kids? done with the kind of bargain you get with making kids and looking at a different lesser 'bargain' now?). Life has has stages and you have to approach life from the stage you are in and the stage a prospective partner is in (does that align in a mutually beneficial way you both find suitable?). I will say that, particularly with men, is once you've made the biggest sacrifice you'll make in life with having kids, you're looking to see that through and really won't put up with things that destabilize your life (he's on the take it or leave it with any new women as there's nothing on the line for major life goals with a woman). I'd imagine that a lady that is dating an older man with kids 'like' she would a man without kids is 'folly' and if she's dating after she's 'barren' like she was when she was 'fertile', that's folly as well. All that makes a difference.

I suggest getting therapy with an Internal Family Systems Therapist to help build relationships with your wounded parts. That is where the triggers Matthew is referring to originate from.

After TW0 weeks!!! And she's never met in person!?? Oh my! Ive never "took time off" & yet its been 15 years or more..since anyone's approached me, that was actuallyappropriate! .lol im not upset!'lol

Ooof 11:35 hit hard! I am currrently in the early stages of messaging and I would love things to progress, to actually meeting but I feel like I'm possibly stcuk in an ongoing messaging cycle that may not lead to a date. I need to find a way to get an in person date without putting any pressure on the other person. Also, they are an entrepreneur and super busy with work.. 🙃 (wish me luck!) - Thanks team! Another insightful video. 💚

Wow

One question I have is about whether women are turned off and offended by a guy who likes gangsta rap where they rap about women in offensive ways. Even if the guy doesn't condone or agree with the sentiments expressed.

Me

Are we supposed to inform those that we date of the standards we are using?

Donde consigo su libro de la guis pero en español

Red flag over the top anger over a missed phone call.