In 2019 I started losing motivation in studying, socializing and eventually I found myself laying in bed not able to stand up for hours, sitting on my computer and watching streams, feeling hungry and not able to walk 2 steps towards my fridge. At some point I realized it might be depression. I watched Reckful quite a lot and felt like hes experiencing something way worse than me so if he can still live his life I might as well. When he died I was devastated, I didn’t know what kind of parasocial relationship I built with him until then. I feared for my life in what I now know was a panic attack, called my therapist on a Sunday and walked for 3 hours around my city until I finally felt that Im stable again. Not even 2 weeks after Byrons death my father died and in December 2020 my girlfriend and I broke up after almost 4 years. In 2021 every day felt meaningless, I felt useless, weak and ashamed. I didn’t shower, I didn’t work, I didn’t study, I didnt hang out with anyone, ignored my family, couldn’t bring myself to shop groceries and kept starving day after day until I was finally able to atleast get one trip to the grocery store done. Everything felt like its grey, nothing had color, I didn’t feel anything and just existed. In oktober 2021 the apartment under mine was on fire. I remember looking into the hallway, smoke everywhere and the first thought in my head was “well dying now wouldn’t be to bad”. My neighbor extinguished the fire and everything was fine but I couldn’t stop thinking about that first thought i had. I finally realized that this is not a life I can live anymore and fortunately I decided to give it one last try. I threw away my degree, quit my job and decided to try from scratch. After quitting everything I instantly felt relieve. I finally made a decision after spending the last few years just waiting for things to get better. I had a little bit of money saved up because I didn’t spent my little income as a student on anything. So I had 5 months worth of living the way I did without any income. In May 2022 I applied for a job in hr. For the first time in years I put effort in something, I prepared like never before to do anything I can in order to get this job and I got it. I started working full time in June 2022. Now, 8 months later Im still working full time. I love my job and coworkers, I regularly meet with friends, spent a lot of time with my family and am overall very happy with my life. I haven’t had any sign of depression for almost a year now and even though im pretty sure there will come a time again where I feel like shit… I now know that better times will eventually come. I just wanted to share my story in case anyone here reads this and can take away something positive from it. Don’t give up, it will get better.
thank you for your comment. Glad that you´re doing okay again and found something which makes you happy. I felt the same way as you and was diagnosed with recurrent depressions, although I have a wonderful wife who deeply cares for me and said to me she would never forgive me If I would do something to myself, I had those thoughts from time to time too that "Its not so bad If I die right now". Fast forward, I started to study part time and work part time and I want to help people with their problems just like Dr. K does. I´m studying health psychology and I couldn´t be happier at the moment. Ofc its hard but what was missing in my life was a purpose and hope for the future. Take care of yourself brother/sister
I came very close to falling. This 8 minutes saved my life. I'll do my best to get my things together. I'll ask for help from my loved ones to help me get it together as well. You're a legend, Dr. K. Thank you for your wisdom and humility. I love you and I love your community. Big hugs all around.
Rooting for you bro. We all are. Keep fighting with us. God's got you and has great things for you its not over till its over. I love you God loves you. You are winning. You will win.❤️🙏❤️
It's very nice to see a human being human for once in a while. Shit makes me sad but I get it, we all have the struggle at one point or another. Can't save everyone, just a fact of life. Dr. K. is such an honest person, it's really beautiful.
"You don't have to fight it alone, and I'm not gonna let you fight it alone" That hit the deepest part of my soul. Be there for someone. Make sure they know that you're there for them. This video literally brought me to tears.
hearing Dr. K say "i can't take much more of this" is so telling. It's in his nature to help people. And when he helps people and worse becomes worst, like he says it takes massive chunks you didn't expect to be taken out of you. Dr. K you are a shining light for all of us, all we have to do is use that light you shine to get through the often intimidating or concerning amount of darkness in this world. Bless your heart for giving every single one of us something irreplacable. Hope. Thank you, Ultra
been thinking of reckful alot lately, as someone who struggled all my life with depression reckful gave me hope at chance at a good life and after watching him for years it felt like losing a friend, but ive been trying really hard since then to get my life on track. Dr Ks advice here was really helpful and i still come back to this video from time to time to hear it.
I genuinely can’t understand how people will hate on Dr.K especially when he has such humanizing moments like this. Really makes you think terminally online people would rather see the world broken apart rather than trying to put it together like Dr.K
i had a psychiatrist who changed me forever. he was around 70 years old when i first went to his office , so he had a huge story behind him. This guy was not just a shrink, not a common shrink at least. He surelly was very capable from the start, but few decades before i met him, whith all the things he had to deal with while counseling people, helping people, and loosing people, he fell into a terrible depression! Totally devastated with anxiety and depression. Had to stop working, life had stopped for him! And thats when he became the amazing life saver he was when i met him. With his psychiatric knowledge, wisdom , and "first person" experience of desperation, he figured out a lot of stuff that hardly would be possible for him to grasp just by counseling other people. So yeah, i guess what i want to say is that what you do is awesome , and try to bring forward the idea that if you feel this (horrible) situations this much , ill have to put my Dr K "mustache" on , and just say that no matter what happens, with all that heart ? youll allways become not only better , but more fkin awesome at helping people. big up man!
“You owe it to us to not have a piece of us die with you” Wow.. this was what I had in mind behind the reason why I keep choosing to live each day but did not realize it until you formulated it into words.
I feel like seeing the impact someone taking their own life has on those around them could be a beneficial measure for those contemplating the act to take. And I speak about this from personal experience. While it’s hard to realize in the moment, all committing s does is transfer your sadness to those around you. If anyone is thinking about it, please don’t do it. Please tell someone. If you don’t have someone, tell me. It’s only a bad chapter in your life, not the whole book. The sun will shine brighter, the grass will grow greener and the barren garden will soon flourish. All you need to do is keep turning the pages. The book gets better.
@Dr.K. YOU are our champion. We are just soldiers, some more wounded than others, but you carry our flag of hope with your shining Karma in these dark times of global tensions and climate change. We are aware that you cannot save us all. Keep up the good work and if at any time you feel lost and hopeless cry out and we will all come to your aid. At least that's how I see it and something tells me I'm not wrong. Thank you. /salute /kneel
Wow. Somehow I didn't quite imagine him to react in this kind of "I can't take much more of this" way to something like a suicide death with someone he tried to help. I imagined it would crush him with sadness but that he'd... Idk. That he would be some degree of wiser/stronger through the devastating tragedy of it. I wouldn't imagine he'd act this way even in private to his wife let alone on stream. But I guess I respect him even more for feeling so human and sharing so vulnerably in reaction. To be this fully devastated is truly something.
This is what us Psychologists want you to think. We don't want you worrying about how we'll take something or whether what you tell us is going to drain our HP bar. Because if you did, then you wouldn't bother draining our pool, purely out of self-awareness and a well of inner guilt which we're trying to fight against. Maybe there are many Psychologists out there that can take a beating and distance themselves when necessary, but the majority of us are in this profession because we want to help. And perhaps the way K said it hit the nail on the head: we want you to have hope because that's what gives us hope. If our clients feel hopeless, then no matter how tough our facade, so do we. We just try to rationalize our way through it.
@@JoeMama-ml5zh Oh, I found the behavioral psychologist, guys! Surely we should listen to the monitor troll, who must have so much more social interaction than everyone else, as to not be “fooled by this act”! Yeah, right.
People just want someone to blame for reckful's passing away, i hope people are just coping and not actually blaming dr K because this man is also only human.
I was contemplating giving up today and for years I’ve been strong and never felt how I have these last few days. Watching this made me want to fight again and I will win! Because for every Reckful, there are many broken Aloks, and I want to wipe their tears away and bring their smile back! ❤😊
I am bipolar, and I come to this video often when I'm feeling depressed. Dr K. cares so much for the gaming community, and this speech is a lifesaver. I can't thank this man enough for all that he's done.
As a woman it breaks my heart to know so many of you suffer in silence. It’s my greatest fear that the men in my life will hurt themselves and not speak to me. Please please speak to your partner, friend, someone. There’s someone who cares. They can help you, talk to you, be there for you. Don’t leave earth without us :/
Thank you for this! I'm still thinking of Reckful to this day and the average man still suffers alone. It's extremely common and Dr K helps a lot with trying not to do it alone since realistically it's sad that a lot of these cases they don't always have anyone or any service to help them.
@@arthurcallahan1863 Men report to be able to speak about their feelings and thoughts better with women than men and they are in general more welcoming to the idea. Chances are she isn't lying, if a man said it then chances are he is. That's probability for you and nothing but evidence behind it
The moments when he says that he gives a piece of himself to everyone he helps resonates to me so much. We're all like that: Human. Exchanging emotions, dreams, ideas, both positive and negative ones with each other. We may try to pretend that we are better than that, that we don't need anyone, but deep down we all know that we are nothing more than human. We need help, we need support, we need love, and that love must always go both ways. The main reason why everyone feels so alone now is because so many people fail to exercise empathy in their lives. We need to care more, to reach out more, and to understand the value of when someone reaches out to us. Caring makes you vulnerable, and when you're vulnerable it's easier go get hurt, but being vulnerable is being human, and there's nothing more beautiful than accepting someone for who they truly are when they do the same to you.
Sacked with too much debt I just sit here thinking how if I could do it all over again I’d do what you do. People like you are all some of us have. Many raised by the internet are trying go get some healing from it.
fuck man why did i click on this while eating my dinner. now i have to eat a plate full of tears. literally, my plate is filled with tear right now. rip my pasta.
i need ppl to understand the sheer pain and numbness or whatever emotion reckful must have felt moments before or during his decision. i need you to understand the pain that someone has to go through and the strange feeling when somebody realizes they are indeed suicidal, the things they went thru and felt in order to reach that point, even worse when you start planning your end and become firmly deadset on your decision and realize that you truly do want to be set free at last, it's not easy at all and it's a dreadful realization. i understand that losing somebody you loved and cared about and especially dr K here who gave a part of himself to reckful and watched him as he opened up about his vulnerable side for hours. I understand it hurts so much but please never ever villainize or blame somebody for feeling like this even if they end up taking their life, it doesn't mean that you didn't do enough it doesn't mean that he didn't love you because sometimes it's NOT about you. sometimes it gets so bad to the point where you start living for other people and not yourself because so many ppl love to victimize themselves and guilt trip the person as if that'd make them feel so much better. infact it's probably the worst thing you could say to a suicidal person. grief is a nasty feeling but i guarantee you what you felt is not anywhere near the grief that people like reckful felt in their journey that ended up like this. nobodys feelings in both sides should ever be invalidated, the truth is, both sides are selfish. so many people deem that suicide is selfish but they never take into consideration the fact that the people who insist that the person stays here and suffers just so that *they* wont feel bad is also selfish. but they both shouldnt be villainized because at the end of the day we're all human. we react like this. we react to grief and loss of a person that way and others who suffered like reckful react the way he did when things simply got too much. I say this as a person who currently suffers from the worst of it right now, and i truly don't think i'll last that long. but the difference is that i happen to not have any loving group of people who i know will support me at any time, people like reckfuls streamer friends or dr K who i truly wish i had in my life, then maybe i'd be saved. even though i'm also suicidal like reckful was i find myself not understanding *why* he ended it that way when he had so much support from all sides. but i will not shame him or blame him for his decision like some of you assholes on here just because i don't understand, i don't know what he was fighting alone by himself. I don't know his entire thought process. I don't know his problems. i will simply continue to respect him and hope he is somewhere where he finds peace and true joy, free from whatever nasty thoughts he had to go through. it's unfortunate that he didn't stay with us but it was what he wanted and i'll never ever blame him for it. It makes me sad too but i'll never fucking invalidate him i will just remember him as an icon. The least we can do for the dead is not chastise them for wanting to end their pain you stupid fucks, i don't aim this to doctor k but to the ppl who think like this
I can't imagine working so closely with a client that then goes on to take their life. I've had some express it. But so glad I haven't had to experience this pain.
I cant put into words how Alok's work saved me from myself. He made me realise I was worthy... Its a shame Reckful felt so alone. I truly can relate to that. Im crying right now. Just experiencing again what is like to have no one to support you in those dark moments. And Dr. K was my light. He's right: we need to keep living, we are capable, and at least we have this community to produce an AOE healing
This is actually unreal, I had just watched all the episodes of reckful and dr. K’s interviews, I had related to reckful so much that I was considering reaching out to him to see how he was doing 3years later. In doing so I found out he died… I’m honestly just as shocked as if it had happened yesterday. Rip reckful man :(
i don't understand why some people take this clip and say it's scripted and fake. like sure, some of it might have been thought out beforehand, but given Alok's background i highly doubt his crying was disingenuous. seemed very sincere to me. and i find it sad that some people put all of the blame on dr k for reckful's death. albeit very sad, and given that he may have done a mistake in reckful's case, ultimately reckful's life was his own to take. alok couldn't have made the choice for him.
People don't realize that scripting isn't a bad thing, as if he was just supposed to come up with and say all of this on the spot. This was clearly a situation where he needed to choose his words carefully and prepare them in advance, having to read them out live was another thing.
Honestly, I think he's fake crying. Look at how he specifically starts doing it at the hero part, then when he starts reiterating stops as if he's completely fine and then starts again a bit later. That's awfully quick imo
@F1re Last part is cringe but I agree that Dr. K is a fraud and was fake crying. He has shown himself as a clout goblin over the years and charges a ridiculous amount of money for private therapy sessions. Just a money hungry grifter.
This was beautiful and i fucking balled out crying but i really cant take him serious when he refers to gaming terms. Love him so much anyways. Rip byron.
@@alextihor1190 Why would that be a bad thing? Doesn't mean emotions are scripted, but words could be, and I think that'd be advised in such a tough moment with thousands of people watching
Rewatching this makes me literally tear up, I still wonder what would reckful be doing if he didn't die that day. would he have found happiness, would he be married, would he have a kid, would he be the rank 1 warrior/rouge of DF, how big would Everland be, would he be exploring Japan with soda again. I miss Byron a lot
No matter the cause Reckful will always be on our heart’s. Reckful will stay a memory in our hearts no one can insult him, he died because of us it’s because this community is sometimes toxic and it broke Reckfuls mental health and it led to his death may him Rest In Peace ✝️
R.I.P Good fight mate,good fight..u did enough,i can imagine the pain u went trough.I didn´t see it as a loss,u fought ur fight and battled decades.I know it ended in a suicide,but it was a hell of fight there,no shame mate.I beat depresion,but my depresion wasn´t as intense as urs,so i cannot complain about how ur great battle ended.It´s okay warrior,ur battle continues in another realm.Maybe i´ll see u there,in this new place u went,to see u trhive,Farewell Reckful.
Dr. K is objectively one of the best people on the internet and i don't care what anyone says. I aspire to become like him in many aspects. I don't have sυ1c1d4l thoughts nor d3pr3ssi0n but i am fighting with death anxiety. Stand strong and with your chin up guys.
Reckful had seen several therapists and tried a lot of ways to fix himself. If you watch the interviews with Dr.k what you see is a man at the end of a rope that has been longing for release for way too long. I think what he needed was a stronger support group of friends and relatives
Gosh, I was able to shed a tear with this, my brain instantly assumed that Dr k only cried because he wanted us to do something and not because he felt it cuz he's a narc, then I noticed that's silly and saw that it was true
I come back to this when I think about finally doing it. The thing is if you make your own reason to live what's the point when you don't know what you want like me. Only alive for other people an I just sit here an watch fights on an inter personal level an national. Idk what's in store with me to be honest. I've read of people becoming dead from just giving up like full on an just going to sleep permanently cause the brain can't take it anymore.
Hey man I’m in same situation as you. You just gotta keep going for yourself and others. If you give up now you will never know what there is to be in your life. You may not find a reason to keep going right now but you gotta keep going until you got it. People still praying for you. I know i am
hey guys, my take might be wrong since I am feeling well and didnt have any depression states I believe. In terms of sense of life - I tend to overthink from time to time what is the purpose of our lives. Not just mine but in general. Its easy to fall into the trap that life is meaningless and nothing matters because we all are going to die one day. Well, even tough the last part of the sentence is true, the rest dont have to be. after a few minutes of thinking I remind myself what I really thrive for in life. I want to be happy. Simple as that. All the things I do are supposed to finally make me happier and happier. We work like that naturally - From biological perspective we realease dopamine, serotonin, endorphines and so on. In order to achieve them we have to do or indulge ourselves with things we like. I bet you guys like some things, like good food, right?! You may still ask yourself why to do it if it leads to nothing? Well we are supposed to just live our lives the best we can. Its something special to be able to move on this planet and discover things and pleasures it gives us. We are to feel. The best part is that there are other people with the same goals, so it means that we can experience world together and thats just awesome and hearthwarming!
@@11ujujz47 The thing is i'm not depressed at least I don't think so I was raised in a room alone at home in the middle of nowhere like courage the cowardly dog an tossed an entire pizza every other night. I also don't feel like there is any help in this life self identity sake an otherwise. As for what I like doing there isn't much an I tried a lot of things once I got out. I don't even understand how to live in the city for one.
He is reading off a script because even when he is grieving he is still trying to help his viewers as a psychologist. He genuine cares, that's why he choosed thus occupation and trained years to get his degree. I know it's hard to believe when you are in a dark state of mind..
Whatever you’re going through, it’s temporary. Suicide is NOT the answer. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. It sounds cliche but it’s true. I’ve been there.. I had 3-4 years of bad depression, I felt lost, thought there was no way out. Felt a weight over me.. then it got better, I no longer struggle like I used to. Life is a test, you’re meant to fail, but you get back up and you pass!! YOU are worth it. Don’t forget that. Stay strong. I believe in you.
I dont know if you are still around, but even if one day you think it isnt worth it, you never know when something worth waiting might happen. I think about this all the time, and is probably why I have never once thought about suicide. it can't be undone. I do hope you can get help, but just remember there are good people put there and they can help. I may just be someone commenting on youtube, but if that guy is telling you it isn't worth it, and there is much to come, then try to stick on, keep going. And most importantly, dont let anyone degrade you.
This comment sections breaks me. Im glad people saw this and changed their mind but it really sucks that so many people are hurting so badly that they are on the brink.
"The piece that I've given to Reckful died with him" that's powerful. I remember when this happened. I remember how mean people were to him on, what was it, Twitter? Very sad I've lost friends and it sucks. I hope he's in a better place. And I hope Dr. K is doing OK.
@@akshayhere It's unethical for therapists to befriend their clients and not maintain professional boundaries regarding the nature of their interactions. Dr. K fucked up.
Feel this…when did gaming become so fucking toxic, used to be hanging with friends, beating high scores and having fun. I don’t get it. Sorry about your friend man
