Dr. K Reviews Modern Dating Advice 

LEGEND

You my friend are a walking W

Madness

A real one!

thank you

​​@@__-bz7whIsn't that part of what vtheory and the example are saying, though?

@@__-bz7wh Thats exactly what they said bruh

​@@__-bz7whthat's literally what they said?

​@@aleksiwilson2295it's worthless because a pen being with 8.99$ can be because of its material costs, or because that's how people valued the pen. It doesn't really make it clear either way. And in the end, a 9$ pen no one wants to buy is just as useless as a 1$ pen no one wants to buy. If you are not wanted and valued, you don't have value. Because value is determined by the market. If your desired market (for example, the dating pool you are interested in, girls that are your type etc), consistently rejects and doesn't value you, even when you try to do everything right, then you don't have value. That's just how it be. No one said this world is fair. An ugly old poor brown person isn't gonna make the average 20yo girl fall in love with him. That's not normal. SOMEONE might do him a favor eventually, but 99% won't. That's how the world works.

So know what pen you are.

Relevant section 1:35:00

The Brain isnt able to do two big things at once. To feel your own pain and at the same time the pain of someone else. When you feel your pain the brain isnt able to feel the pain of others. and when you feel pain or anxiety of others you are not able to feel or solve your own pain. or feel empathy as e well. Brain can do one big task at once not two big tasks at once. Therefore forgive people for their ignorance of not understanding you pain. and forgive each other. because if they feel pain, or anxiety, their brain isnt able at the same moment feel anxiety of other people, therefore the brain feels like judgmental toward people. But as people calm down and heal emotions only then they may feel empathy to each other.

​@@alenaadamkova7617 Great advice

​@@alenaadamkova7617Wow, I haven't thought this way but it seems so obvious now. Thanks for giving that perspective. You can really tune to the emotions of one being at the same time. Like there is only one slot :p That would also explain projection, as you try to think about other person's emotions but you are actually feeling your own and your consciousness attributes them to the other person. And that would also work in the other direction.

videos are scripted and pre written thats why you can tell he is reading when he keeps looking to his left. streams like you said are more fluid even though im sure there is some preparation.

Assist and support missions ftw!

All well and good, but when women are watching thousands of tiktoks and build all these ideals of thousands of other positive traits and expect you to be all of them at once then it fails. There are delusional expectations and the reality of your partner being a human being. I expended 100% of my energy on life and marriage. She got bored easily because of watching all these extravagant things the everyday person cant afford and expecting identical treatment without consulting with reality.

@ThePestilentDefiler No reason you can’t date men. Blaming women for every problem in society and putting far too much emphasis on social media and TikTok doesn’t help you. Most women do not watch TikTok. It’s more of a teenage girl thing and honestly it really seems that just as many men watch it. Girls are on it making content that’s the only difference. Social media and the internet and phones were all created by men so perhaps you should be blaming them?

One woman isn't all women. And the sides of a partner we see isn't all of them, and we see them through our own lens of interpretation so we have blind spots and part of what we see is often illusion that has more to do with us than them. No amount of effort can change who a person is, though through ignorance or manipulation we might be able to condition their personality and pretend or think we've changed the person. But that's not love, because to love is to know, seek to know, and to act in accordance with the real person. That can include realizing that their goals or their development or orientation towards life doesn't match ours or isn't compatible. If so, you can "cooperate" with that reality by letting them go in the most respectful but also self-respecting way you can manage. I think that's an example of the potential wisdom to be found in the idea, "love your enemies". Love isn't about giving in, it's about seeing and learning without prejudice, with all of your being. Then the whole world becomes your ally, darkness and all, and you don't use unnecessary force when defending yourself or resolving unhealthy situations. Easier said than done. But we can learn together. Best wishes.

@@jaybee4288 I personally think that if someone has unrealistic standards or ideas of what a relationship should be, they should be taking responsibility for it themselves rather than blaming the person who made social media. What you said isn't relevant to this persons problem at all..

@@jaybee4288hands down the most brainrot comment i’ve seen all week wow, you are actually lost

I do this, I know other women who do this, I don't know a single man who does this. If you're a man, props. As an aside, I have declined every single woman's profile with no bio as a rule on every app I've used since 2003, when online dating was exclusive to Microsoft Explorer. I don't even care if her bio is something like "I'm pretty terrible at writing bios, but I filled out all the prompts like a dweeb!" At least the effort is there. Also no bio immediately screams bot to me.

Why are you lying 😂

I do the same but bc I assume they're AI bots for scammers

​@@mugojr4766 on what basis do you make the claim that he is lying? Imagining yourself in their shoes? You aren't them, shocking. People have different philosophies and standards, wants and needs, etc. Don't call somebody a liar because you personally can't imagine yourself doing the same in their shoes, it's dishonesty towards yourself.

@De_Selby the last statement he said he can't date a woman posting a bikini no matter how hot she is . That's the lie. If he could thats who he would be dating

Reminds me of the dunning-kruger when some woman say they would prefer to be in woods with a bear rather than a man. It's a shame these women cannot use basic common sense.

@@j.kkidding9764 because they are illogical

i could beat a grizzly tho. Just need a few conditions

​@@badabing3391anyone can beat anything if the conditions are favorable. lets say its a random encounter, just like it would be in the wild. that makes for a plethora of variables that are (and always will be) beyond control. a firearm might not even be enough in cases of bad aim/luck or too little firepower. i always find myself doubting the ability of controlling the situation with a wild animal. might just be me tho, i dont live near bears.

No, the iq test should include negative numbers 😂

Would rather be trapped in a fores-

That's what I say to most "incels" too Like please, calm down, you get what you put in and looking at anime girls all day isn't helping

@@HackersSun or Fresh n Fit haha

This is a problem for most of the guys I meet as well. If they’re a decent conversationalist they tend to be married already. 😂

​@@twilyte9557insert: UwU

Maybe you can take a digital drawing class, at a local art museum, or see what events are at your local library. Ect. Ect. I do agree tho, their is nothing to do, nothing to see and nowhere to go. Every place you inhabit has to have max effeincy or else your just wasting your money. The only time it didn't feel like this is college, where everyone is encouraged heavily to talk to each other, people are engaging with the space to it's max capacity, and engaging with the space includes making connections with people. That is why relationships that stem from college last the longest, and have decreased divorce rates. Unfortunately college is inaccessible to many people, (including myself after some medical shennanigans) which sucks because it is like the only other place besides the church that is that personable.

Like the other comment mentioned people do online drawing together and going to an in person drawing session is fun too. I went to a couple and it was great. Unfortunately they were about an hour away. I thought about hosting my own at some place that would be cool with it, it's just people drawing so no much is needed. So maybe something to try. The cool thing about those get togethers, is that everyone there is there to meet people too so everyone is at the very least trying. Idk about music and gaming though, I imagine there will be a lot of cross over with the art folks. I used the meetup app and found some cool people.

You’re definitely not not ugly lol

In the video about baldness, we learned that external things (other than hygiene) give you a "debuff" at the start, but if you have the character and overcome the initial hurdle, then it becomes very irrelevant or even positively surprising. I always wondered how ppl obsess over visuals when they are basically useless for anything down the road. Won't feed anyone, won't help during conflicts, won't help with childcare (if ppl want kids at all), won't help in illness, won't matter when enjoying life together, becomes super irrelevant for sexual attraction since that one first and foremost can follow the emotional attachment rout and you'll love your partner for the intimacy and safety and will grow to adore their body as is, due to that, not vice versa. Also it's this arbitrary thing out of ppl's control for the most part that can be lost with a single accident. Why in the heavens would ppl build relationships on such a rickety thing???? Genuine kindness and ability to sort out your own thoughts and emotions are huge huge huuuuuge points of attraction. And ofcourse "Regarding human (and otherwise living being) rights and avoiding all forms of bigotry" should be a basic of basics standard. It unfortunately is too often still not!

@KxNOxUTA for women physical appearance is proven to be the key factor in sexual attraction even deep into a relationship. Most marriages break up when she no longer finds him attractive, because she no longer wants to have sex with him. I feel like I can have sex with someone I’m not physically attracted to but I don’t feel I’d enjoy it, I certainly wouldn’t if I found him completely unattractive. Also you are completely ignoring the biological instinct we have to pass good genetics down. We are visually attracted to each other as part of our biological design and I think you trivialise it too much. It’s great you’re willing to date down on that but I don’t think you can expect others too.

@@jaybee4288 for men too, maybe even more than women for men

​@@jaybee4288 I don't know about you, but generally speaking I doubt losing attraction is due to the husband losing his looks from e.g. age though, otherwise how do so many old couples work? Plus it can work the other way around too. I think losing attraction for a long time partner comes after ceasing to like the person in general, for many possible reasons, rather than strictly physical appearance. If it REALLY is due to just looks, then I would question this person's reasons for getting in a long term relationship in the first place.

Thank you for your service to the community, @Dolritto

F

Based and chadpilled

Bros be sperging 😂

@@jacob_massengale Sperged around and found out.

to the dude who's self conscious about putting on weight, I lost loads of weight and am still self conscious. What Dr K said about accepting it is the way to move forward

Way to go! As a Gen Xer, it is so sad to me that speaking to strangers in public has become “weird” to many people. This trend also makes dating much harder.

@@dancingdragon3 it is very hard (it shouldn’t be) but I’m slowly learning that people aren’t out to be rude and are generally pleasant. I’m still working on how to keep conversations going and how to end them appropriately. I’ll get there hopefully

Same XD I went over to check. Took me a bit to notice they're from the video XDDDD

I feel like this is a huge aspect of modern dating, and as much as I hate people who blame video games for shit, I do think games have influenced our thinking a lot in this respect. When you play, if you input the correct thing, you will get the desired outcome. Dating isn't like that and that's where entitlement can creep in, with all the toxicity that entails. As much as these dating guru bros like to say if you do x,y, and z, you will get chicks, it's just not that simple because people do not follow computer logic. Good on you for working on yourself dude, holding up the mirror in therapy is not easy 💜

Deserving is an opinion, you don't get what you deserve, you get what you get(if you want the most simplistic view) or you get what you worked for(if you want more accuracy, but not too far from the truth either).

@@rhythmandblues_alibi So do you actually believe that if youre 6 foot, decent body, decent face, can socialise well, have good networth, are kind, average IQ or more, you can't get a really decent woman?

​@@serban2139 I'd say those things help, but don't guarantee such an outcome, just as _not_ being those things doesn't help but doesn't mean being unable to get a decent woman. Dating - and life in general - are not deterministic, that's the point other people here have been making. It's not simple input and output.

Guys who have been in a healthy relationship for 10 years at some point obtained one…….

....... why would you ask the men, if you are a man??? You literally want to either ask both or particularly ask the women what about "what the men did" worked for them. :'D See? This is already where the whole mess starts. You cannot ask any ppl. You need to see couples that live the sort of relationship you are looking for and ask them about how they established it and how they maintain it. General data on groups is just that. It rarely helps with individuals. What you are trying to learn is patterns and common problems and troubleshooting solutions. But working with individuals is actually about discarding all biases and "learning this human" and "speaking to them instead of assuming"

​@jaybee4288 You missed the key word. It's not about having obtained any relationship at all then stayed in it for 10 years. It's about if it's a HEALTHY relationship.

I hear a fair amount of women say this about personality over physical attraction. What's your thoughts on physical attraction as being the first barrier to then discovering attraction to personality though? Like I had a few dates with a woman who said I was everything she was looking for but she wasn't interested because I wasn't physically attractive to her. She told me she wanted to see if she'd be able to look past the lack of physical attraction but she couldn't. So what I'm getting at is, there must surely be a point where no amount of good personality is enough to overcome a lack of physical attraction?

@@LuckeGabriel I’m sorry that you had this negative experience. It’s never easy. Yes, physical attractiveness does play a role. However, a lot of physical attractiveness can be linked to self-love. Being healthy is really important. For example, someone that is carrying a lot of excess weight doesn’t love themselves enough to take care of their body. That isn’t attractive. I also think it is important to dress in a manner that shows that you want to make a good impression and that flatters your body type. Dr. K made a video about the role the of physical attractiveness. I can’t remember the name of it, but he gave good advice, as always. One aspect of physical attractiveness that I struggle with is height. I am tall. I’m not attracted to men that are significantly shorter than I am. One or 2 inches is fine but more than that feels unbalanced. I realize this is very shallow.

@@blacalmontie Yeah just curious as I am quite content with my physique. I am slim, however this woman said I dressed well yet she is exclusively into big bulky muscular men. It has definitely made me less confident, and is frustrating because the idea of cultivating a body shape is absolutely cringeworthy to me, but it seems that this is the bar that is being set these days by a substantial amount of women. I have a theory it's due to media, as in we're now bombarded with the most beautiful people in the world on our screens, and the more exposure to these, the more our tastes are shaped. There's a phenomenon in music with this happening already where kids today are naturally singing in the style of pitch corrected/auto tuned vocals without realising what they're doing, and then you play them back vocals without the correction/autotune and it sounds weird to them. I strongly believe that people are shallow about something, it's fine. People don't get to choose what they want, they just want.

@@LuckeGabriel I have not noticed that trend, but I think we might be in different generations. Social media has definitely had an impact on body image. Women suffer from male body expectations also. In my case, I have been told, twice recently in fact, that they were not attracted to me because I had a flat butt. 😂. Like you, this is my body type. It’s not going to change. I’m confident you’ll find someone that finds you very attractive exactly the way you are. I do hope that society is not falling into a shallow cesspool of toxic body shaming culture…

@@blacalmontie I will pop in here to second this. Us women get the body type comments too. I ended up breaking up with someone when he started saying I needed to go to the gym to “build him an ass” and that my skin was too pale and that I could go “buy myself some boobs” because I “have no airbags.” If someone doesn’t like your body type, then you’re better without them in your life. Because they’ll be criticizing you the whole time anyway. Even if they don’t say it, they’re thinking it

Why would you want the advice of mature men who have long term relationships when it comes to finding dates? It's gonna be the same story, got introduced by friends and together ever since. Met at class, together ever since. Met at mutual hobby, together ever since. For a guy who isn't insane the hard part is two-fold. 1. Finding women who are willing to talk to you, and 2. Getting them to develop romantic feelings for you. If you're a regular nice dude then as soon as you figure out 1 and 2 you're fucking cruising baby. I doubt you need help with the "happily ever after" if you're a regular dude that has their shit together. It's the "making a woman develop feelings for you" part that is ridiculously hard if you aren't the average dudebro rizzler. So you need to develop some of those skills first or else you'll be doomed to forever be the "nice guy who everyone thinks of like a brother or best friend" or whatever.

> Where are all the mature men 40, 50+ in happy secure relationships, mentoring young men? Just a reminder that those men likely get their partners in times when dating was really different. So their advice on finding the partner would be completely irrelevant.

Honestly as a girl I’d say you should at least try to be charming. Far too many guys today approach and I really don’t know whether they like me or not. First of all that’s not flattering/attractive and secondly it usually just leaves me confused as to whether he’s just being friendly or not. Today’s guys are a bit odd, y’all say you want a relationship but you don’t want to put any effort in. It’s a bit bizarre. Of course you have to try to stand out from other men. Honestly I think a lot of you are simply too apathetic/lazy for a relationship, and im not saying that to be mean, but from reading what guys are saying im like why on earth do you even want one. I think it might be guys who can’t get a relationship thinking it’s some miracle cure or something, but trust me it’s not. If you don’t like women and you don’t like making effort, a relationship with a woman is the absolute last thing you want.

​@@jaybee4288Or they want easy women

@@Straga_SeveraI think you should try to change your negative perception of females. You keep saying how everything has changed with the internet but it really hasn’t. It’s just easier to date, that doesn’t mean everything’s changed. I have a feeling you’re just chasing the wrong people

who said that?

Thank you

Maybe it’s you feeling more emotionally aware of your situation, even though nothing changed

Y E S

yes it is normal. a reason could be because you just listen and feel paralyzed. try going to the discord and complete some of his challenges. perhaps that helps you achieving a different feeling

@@Dimitris_Balf Biology hasn't changed, but people have, woman's "standards" for a partner now vs 20 years ago is a wild difference. Many standards and preferences for both men and women got changed to worse with online dating and rise of social media.

@@Dimitris_Balf How? 20 years ago you just needed to exist, talk to a woman and you could hit it off. Now unless you own a car, a home, have decent height, looks and are willing to act as an walking ATM and personal entertainer you can't even get a 2nd date. 20 Years ago people would meet, go out and build family and lives together, majority of women now want someone who already has everything finished so they skip the "building" part

@@Dimitris_Balf "biology remained the same, the standards are also the same as well" that is irrelevant as the world has changed. Lots of things. Globalism. Feminism. Political division. Economy.

@@Dimitris_Balf But it hasn't, now with online dating women aren't limited as much as they have been, 20 years ago you had to get with someone relatively close to you because there was no alternative, now you can get with someone who looks way better and earns way more just by chatting online.

I think there hasn’t been any difference in standards. My mom feels much the same about men as I do. What has changed is women having money and less reliance on men, and women having more access to men. My gran was stuck in a small village with about 3 guys to choose from and while I also live in that small village I can date a guy from Canada if I wanted to. What guys are missing is that women of the past settled, because that was their options. Their standards weren’t any different, they still chose the best option available to them. We just have more options now, which is why it feels like standards have raised.

i disagree. if you ask women what they want, they can not tell you in a way that is helpful. they will make things up and you will end up confused. instead what you can do is expose yourself to women, try different things and watch their bodylanguage for level of comfort. you will see what works immediately and thanks to immediate gratification your brain will learn intuitively

@@stephanieherman2861 I agree that that’s probably what works or would work, since we all teach each other perpetually how we want to be interacted with. The reason I disagree with your statement is is that the most anxious people are the ones that won’t do that. The fear and stress is too much. If were talking about guys, the fear of rejection or getting accused of crossing a boundary will paralyze him, meanwhile the desire builds up. Both fear and desire makes a guy stand still just staring at the woman, the result: is coming of as creepy or weird, the woman’s body language (if he catches it at all) is that of rejection and thus the negative feedback loop begins. Now, the way out is making yourself more attractive and desirable so there enough interest for both parties to overcome the awkwardness of the poor social skills while they develop in the way you mentioned.

@@stephanieherman2861 they will just tell you what they think makes you think best of them

@@stephanieherman2861 I agree that that’s what works and/or what would work since we are all teaching each other how we want to be interacted with. The problem I see with your statement is that the people who would benefit the most are the least likely to do it because they are so incredibly anxious and do not have the skill. Lets say a guy with poor social skill and vocabulary goes up to a woman who he is romantically/sexually interested in. The fear of rejection kicks in and is paralyzed. Now he just standing there staring at her looking like a creep or just mumbles, her body language (if he even picks up on it) is that of a person being uncomfortable or threatened, thus the negative feedback loop begins. A way out of this loop is to make yourself more attractive and desirable, enough that It’ll reduce the friction of poor social skill while you’re actively working on it.

@@ivanpadilla4479 in this scenario, if he picks up that the person is being uncomfortable then he is learning from that. Of course he might not feel very well about it, but perhaps it gives him motivation to keep on improving and try something new. Interaction with someone who he is interested in is so hard because he does not want to mess up and at the same time he has no experience on what is working. A good starting point for learning social interactions might me interactions with people who have no other chance than to interact with him. perhaps at work, in a football club, at the hairdressers and so on. Improving attractiveness is one strategy certainly. But there are way more things that can help. My experience is, that when you feel good, then you can look as badly as you want, people will still react positively to you. I even tested this by looking ultra bad before entering a danceparty. I love dancing, so my mood was very good. It made me so present and grounded that although i had greasy hair, dirty clothes, was all sweat and so on, i still had very positive reactions.

Anyone find the song yet ? 👀

Yeah, that was giving some Indian Krishna flute sound with some Western mix

(continued) **So I think these filters work and people who have a policy of rejecting suitors who really deeply desire them in a way that makes them not interchangeable with the next "prospect" to come along - they will, in fact, successfully eliminate suitors who really deeply desire them and consider them non-interchangeable. And then ten years later one night in bed they ask their personal trainer why their husband or wife is so frigid.** I know that the Official Narrative is that you're supposed to not get too obsessed with someone until you've been in a relationship with them a while, and you ask them out when you just have a vague preference for them but later you warm up to them and after a few months or years you're genuinely in love and then you can do all the stuff I want to do immediately like write them sonnets and sestinas and maybe some ruba'iyat. **But the Official Narrative doesn't take into account that actually when I like someone my brain tells me right away and goes into Full Obsession Mode.** Maybe there are people who don't work like that. Maybe they're the ones who write Official Narratives, while the rest of us are wasting our time writing sestinas and exquisite works of Arabic literature. **Now, don't get me wrong. I know that True Love is really inconvenient. It might not be requited, and then it would be a huge mess and no one would have any idea what to do, because our culture tells us that True Love Must Always Conquer Everything. If some woman I didn't like expressed True Love for me, it would make me feel guilty and horrible.** **And because I'm just as susceptible to the Just World Fallacy as anyone else, I would tell them it wasn't true love at all but just plain Creepiness. And that it makes her a bad person and she should be ashamed of herself and so rejecting her is not only okay but actively heroic. And all my neighbors would support me in this, because we all know that True Love is the most powerful thing in the universe, even more powerful than nuclear weapons, and so we can't just let random people go around having it any more than we would just let random people have the Bomb.** **But when we reach the point where letting it slip that you love someone is pretty much social suicide, that's...not good. I'm trying to imagine what G. K. Chesterton would write if he saw that sentence above - "I know that True Love is really inconvenient"** - and then write that, but I'm no G. K. Chesterton and also everything Chesterton wrote was beautiful but totally illogical and I don't want to end up like that anyway.

This is an interesting take. I thought about it in terms of "I've put in a lot of time and effort, and so i should be paid what i am due" with in the context is the relationship. The implication is, if I'm gonna do all this again, it better be a good deal

This works both ways. As a girl I get far more male attention when I hang out with some of my average friends than when I’m with the health and beauty girls. A lot more. Wanting to date up isn’t exclusive to girls, we just are more likely to be successful at it.

While I understand the sentiment I think it's important to not treat good-looking people way better than others based solely on their looks alone. True confidence sure as it can be a developed character trait that is admirable but not beauty. In a funny way staying away from attractive people who you feel are out of your league in the end still has the same effect as not interacting with average or below-average-looking people, all you're doing is limiting the pool of potentially compatible people you could meet either way. Perhaps it's different because I'm a guy but regardless of how attractive or unattractive I am I don't think going above and beyond for women and obsessing over their beauty is something that is going to make them more attracted to me so I don't really see special treatment for them as a viable strategy. At least in my experience they find it to be a turn-off .

@@meme6335With respect, as a guy you probably won't understand this, but while I agree you shouldn't treat good looking people better than ugly people in general life it's SO important for a girl to treat men she is not romantically interested in differently than men she is. I know, just by looking at some men, that there will never be any romantic interest from my side. It's not fair to give them the impression that there could be, it's not safe to give them that impression and also in a nightclub/online dating situation, it's really just a waste of everyone's time.

Imagine telling people with such little self esteem that they gave up on in person dating entirely to do online dating, one of the worst possible things for someone’s self esteem lmao

@@bagelman2634 Ah but like I said I don't mean the popular dating apps. There are (or at least were a few years ago) online dating avenues for the lesser attractive - websites where you get to write more and less dependent on photos, the old style dating agencies etc. I know that's not good for esteem but it's better than going to the beautiful people venues and facing constant rejection surely.

Thye want intimacy but looking for a right person...who has attachment style similar to a real intimacy maybe. Intimacy ôlike: 1, talking about things, about hobbies, interests 2, understanding each other, connection

hypergamy?

@robotmechanicalwhizkid2521 that’s incel talk.

@@jaybee4288 how would you answer the persons question then?

There's a few reasons. The first is that this is actually an excuse to get out of the relationship, which could be for a variety of reasons, usually that you met someone else or you don't want to get too attached due to other personal goals. But also sometimes you do just lose that interest and spark. I met a guy who I dated 3 times and I honestly thought I might marry him, he was so interesting to me, and I was very attracted and he just felt like the one. But 4th date onwards, I dunno what happened. It's like we'd exhausted all of our conversation, he was just repeating himself, I was still very physically attracted which kinda led to it lasting longer than it probably should have. But my interest in talking to him just vanished and I was quite sad about it, but it was an internal feeling you couldn't really shake. Other people I spoke to were more interesting to me etc and I just realised it wasn't going anywhere. I think the answer is you can lose interest when it stops being interesting or when other things become more interesting. It's a better question to ask how people retain interest, which I guess is by not revealing too much too soon. I notice a lot of guys these days come into date one like we're already together, and I know everything about them and their life after the first date, and then they act like we're a couple. And so the chemistry and romance is just killed instantly. I think people are in too much of a rush to get into a relationship, too much of a rush to get into bed, and I think that's how you kill interest. A true romance needs to build up over time, you can't just start at the end goal because then what's left?

It works because it works, we associate negative connotations to pickup artistry (maybe rightfully so) but if what they teach didn't work then they wouldn't have students who repeat buy from them and then become teachers themselves in some cases. I don't think a majority of the population are ready to hear what actually works when it comes to attracting women as a heterosexual man and what women find attractive in said men.

It works for you because they are teaching "acting" and not "behaviour". Aka you will end up with integrity like it or not as that is fundamentally in the nature of people who are autistic. What you likely struggle with was how to adjust your tone to the situation. Thus in your case, mimicking did help. The thing is just, that "getting laid" is also often not exactly the goal. Or at least not after a few rounds. The problem with their advice is, that it's "acting" and that may last enough to get ppl laid, but it typically starts failing miserably right after, as the "acting" breaks down on the long run. Just like "masking" will break down in long-term 1x1. The advice is not "be yourself". That is a too literal take :'D The advice is "Show up as yourself AND attend to the needs of the person you are interacting with from a place of care and respect. And when your needs do not match, have respectful conversations about that and see if you can work it out" It's not a "Be blunt and be yourself at any expense" :'3 You could say that you have a core of integrity by default. We neurodiverse lots suck at acting and we're infamous at this point for being incapable to put on log-term acts and tolerate nonsense! But neurotypical ppl can hold up acts for veery long times and if at their core they are egocentric and sexistic, then that will show, particularly once partners are "tied up" and already relying on support. Then what ensues is often a very ugly abusive mess. Thus they need a "Sell yourself, not an act" and "Improve your self, not your acting"

​@@KxNOxUTAYeah, it's fake.

It works if you want to get laid, but doesn't help you get in a happy long term relationship. Unless of course I'm wrong, let me know. But "acting" doesn't usually work after a few months.

Did you just go into the city and ask women her number?

Those aren't mutually exclusive, and you misinterpreted the pen experiment dishonesty thing. People aren't honest about what they think they WOULD want because they don't fully know until they choose. They are certainly better (though still not perfect!) about assessing why they did make a choice. In your example, asking old married couples why they got together and how theyve stayed together is more like asking someone why they chose to buy the pen that they did for sure already buy.

@@aawillma > In your example, asking old married couples why they got together ... means nothing in practical sense, because dating marked heavily shifted in last 5-7 years. They can give good advice for time-travellers, that I agree with ;-)

@@Straga_Severa_ My wife and I have been together for 15 years and have been dating online and on apps that entire time... 😂

Best word for this is ambivalent 👍

Why do y’all have squishies next to your names?

@@kikialeaki1850 They're loyalty badges. They come as perks with membership to this channel.

​@@kikialeaki1850 They are members of the channel.

@@Hexanitrobenzene interesting…like admins?

Why did the conversation get dry? Did you guys just run out of topics to discuss or did one of you just not know how to push the conversation past the small talk phase?

I'll give the woman's perspective on this. I meet a ton of guys. I'm nice and social. So I "get on great" with a lot of guys. Last night I "got on great" with 6 men that talked to me while I was working and then a couple of guys I got chatting to on my way home. It's not that special for me to have a nice conversation with a guy. But I think for a lot of the guys I talk to, they're not really chatting to many girls so this chat we have just means more to them. Most of the time I'm just being nice, when I'm really interested in a guy I tend to actually avoid them and the first chats don't go so well and we don't "get on great" because I'm nervous. So my advice is just to remember that just because you feel like it's going really well, that's just how it feels to you. And so on those second or third conversations, you can't assume she's into you or it's going anywhere, because when guys do that they tend to come on a bit strong, and it's usually where we think "oh we've given the wrong signal here" and end it. Also If you truly think it's going well for her as well as for you then rather than keep chatting you should ask her out on a date. Because otherwise she maybe did like you but starts to feel it isn't going anywhere. And you have to remember while you stall, other guys are also talking to her, all the time that you are.

Oof. I also didn't have a lot to talk about, until I started making more social friends. Then the topics of discussion grew exponentially. But drying conversations feel hopeless

A lot of the time you think you’re getting on great, she’s having that exact same chat with other guys who also think they get on great. It’s usually more serious to you because she’s the only one you’re having that chat with.

I assume you're talking about online? Jus space the conversation out a bit and don't answer too quickly. It's ok to go 15 hours or something and not message them back and when you do you will probably have more to talk about then anyways. Always talk to multiple girls too every woman online is probably talking with many guys so it's ok for you as well.

Channel description

That can work for maintening a relationship but not for making new

Bad advice, puts you in danger of being a dancing monkey, which does not cultivate attraction. It's important to express your romantic self in a way that is genuine and a reflection of who you are, not simply a desire to appease the other person. If you are already in a relationship with someone then understanding their wants and needs is important to maintaining that relationship, but it must be understood that what they SAY they want may not always be an objective reflection of what makes them happy and keeps them satisfied with the relationship. If you're not already in a relationship and you ask someone you're into what they want and then just do all of those things it seems disingenuous and transactional and is actually quite off-putting, not to mention there's not point in just moulding yourself to any person you're attracted to, it's important to find someone that has complimentary traits that allow you to mesh organically.