I truly believe 9's are living in a state that others are always striving for. We live in a state that self help books are trying to teach. We are already there.... its this natural state of contentment and happiness... and we naturally live in the present. I think an area that 9s struggle is that we feel that this is wrong because everyone else is living in a different state. Its that state of go-go-go.... but we have a sense of paradise already... and it's internal. (not saying we are perfect... but its a strength i resonate with often.)
You are so right, thank you. I felt like I was stupid because I’m enjoying life in quarantine meanwhile my roommate feels like he’s being suffocated and needs to go out of the house every day. I felt like I’m less than because I don’t have that drive and readily accepts a life of ease and tranquility. I realize now that that’s what makes me me.
We’re definitely not perfect but while we “fall asleep to ourselves” and don’t “live our lives” by default on one hand on the other we’re way more able to enjoy and appreciate everything we do have compared to other types who spend their vacation or kid’s birthday party stressing about doing everything right or impressing people
I agree. Not to say we can't derail ourselves and have our own issues but it's rarely pointed out that we do live in the moment. We can appreciate what is-- instead of always trying to make it different or better.
If you are in the "unhealthy 9" state, its not that way. 😅 A lot of general unhappiness can be present, but I do agree we are more naturally inclined that way. Particularly when we reach the more healthy states its like everyone else is crazy and always freaking out or rushing around.
This is so true. I just discovered that I am a nine. I was struggling to find my purpose and then one day I just put the pressure off and told myself that my only purpose -- is to be a light. Just be a light in the world. That is the purpose for all of us.
I'm a 9w1 and THANK YOU for this 100 acre wood perspective! I'm constantly questioning my purpose and identity, and doing all the searching and studying I can to "make" growth happen. It was lovely (and surprising!) to hear that growth for a 9 might lean more toward surrender than striving. By a creek, preferably. Light bulb moment :)
9w1 INFJ teacher here, totally resonates with me. I want to achieve a lot so that I can bring peace to the educational system. The children deserve to be in the 100 acre wood more than anyone else.
This video...was God sent. I was feeling quite low because my motivation to do certain things to strive, learn, be more productive, be more like other types, was gone, and I couldn't understand why I'm not like others and why I don't seem to find my purpose in life. Then, I saw this video...and it brought me to tears. Nothing has ever made so much sense to me until watching this. Thank you so much...really...thank you!
I am a 4, my best friend is a 9. She's brilliant. I always feel safe to be myself no matter what feelings I am having. I love her so much. I love her diplomatic edgynes. She's a jewel, I just wish she knew that😔.
Tell her. 9's spend so much time making space for others that they really need to feel that their own presence is valued and has meaning to others. That's really what 9s are trying to be deep down.
As a nine, be assured that she knows that about herself and is happy to be that for you. She just has no need or compulsion to talk about herself reagarding her gifts, knowing that those around her receive without effort that energy. Thank you for saying what you did, because we love you very much.
Thank you!! I’ve been struggling with “fitting in” with people I thought are “more important” and the lack of purpose I’ve felt vs the purposes others have. Been feeling down about the idea I will never have a purpose but this vid helped me realize that BEING peaceful IS a purpose and that so many people are striving to find their own version of peace. I have subscribed to people’s agendas and ended up putting them on the shelf most of my life. Thanks for helping me feel “normal”
Being a 9 is hard. (True for all types, I know) We interact with others in a world that is not our own. Tom, your videos are so helpful. I am learning so much about myself and as a result, it’s helping me to be more content in who I am, in who I was made to be, and helping me to discover my gifts. I still have a long way to go, but I’m learning. Thanks for these videos!
Imagine sitting on a rock… in a meadow… I’m so there. That’s my space. My home. Unfortunately I’ve been living in everyone else’s world. I literally started crying during this video. I feel so out of whack from trying to live like someone else. You’re examples of a 9 feeling off, hit me. It made me feel so seen when you say we are the keepers of the hundred acre wood. Thank you so, so, so, very much. This has helped me so much.
As a 9w8, I wanted to say thank you that I do not need to conform in the world of others and that I can stay in my own world where I can invite people in and have their free time with peace and harmony.. I never thought that being contented and happy with what you have is something that 9s can provide and make other types open their eyes to that. Everyone wants change and change is constant but we 9s just want peace and peace is what we provide to the world. Thank you again for reminding me of who I am. I really appreciate these contents. 🙂
I feel like before understanding my nine-ness i always felt like belonged in a laid back hundred acre wood. i have fought against that current my whole life. I now give myself permission to embrace my need for peace and comfort. I hereby give myself permission to enjoy the hundred acre wood, but not get lost in those woods. Thank you again!
Oh my word!!! Thank you SO so much for this.... I have watched countless videos of yours and love them all (never commented before, sorry). But THIS... this made me cry, and is absolutely my favourite of all!! I connected with the whole thing and kept saying 'yes!!' to the screen haha! In this lockdown (still in it in England) I have become more and more aware of what is transient and what is eternal, and that creation really always has been part of the plan for us to enjoy life right now! I'm married to an 8 (29 happy years) and have a 7, 4, 8 & 9 adult children, so have never felt this part of who I am has been understood! Always LOVED Winnie The Pooh - now I know why, and feel so much relief that this part of me is actually NEEDED .... wow.....
This literally makes me cry. Thank you for all the help you give us 9s. You have lifted a huge burden off me and given me permission to be who God created me to be. All the guilt from not doing all the things just vanished! Thank you, Dr. Tom!
Thank you for this! My beautiful "baby boy" (just turned 34 last Friday!) told me he was an enneagram type 9 a few years ago....and this describes him perfectly! "Calm surrendered acceptance" ...natural state of peace and tranquility....Has always been "my favorite person" (I don't have any other children, so I can say that!) I appreciate the positive take. I have a sister who, for some reason, gets frustrated by the way he is...and I just want to tell him to ignore her and everyone like her and just be who he is.
I imagine people that are frustrated by 9s are trying to push their agenda on us because they think we're directionless or not striving enough, or just plain jealous lol.
Wow! A big THANK YOU! All the years of searching, feeling like I’m not enough and I should be something else, being told by others I’m doing it wrong and me believing them ..this brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my heart. Thank you for letting me hear it’s OK to be me
Wow this nailed it. The illustration of the 100 acre wood is spot on and brought this 9 a lot of encouragement. Thank you! Really enjoying these videos 😊👍
I can SO relate to 'shelving' many a project or idea and feeling less than because of diminishing enthusiasm and follow through! Taking on the energy of other people until you don't recognize who you are is right. Thank you for validating who we are as 9's. This is just what I need right now.
I spent 30+ years in the corporate world and lived in a fairly steady state of “bringing home the binders”, along with lots of anxiety, worries, and regrets. I was able to achieve what many would consider a high level of relative success until I was reorg’d out by management that seemed to value the exact opposite of what I had to offer. Unfortunately, now north of 50, I have been unable to find a place that values what I bring to the table - so I do wonder about purpose, mission, etc. - and I still have a fairly high level of anxiety, worries, and regrets (along with a box full of those old binders!). I appreciate your video, and see myself in so much of this. What I don’t know is how to find the next stop in my career in an environment that seems to value hyper-competitive 3s/8s or how to bring what I have to offer to the world in a constructive and productive way. Be well!
This video made me cry. I have so many aspirations on my shelf and I've just started being accepting of that part of myself. So to hear someone say out loud that it's okay means a lot.
Thank you so much for this. I have never received such complete understanding and encouragement from another human being, aside from my immediate family. Coming from a 9 who loves who I am and my own little world when I'm alone (always in nature) but feels so foreign, ignored, incapable, and misunderstood when I'm out in the larger world.
Thanks for permission to retreat back to the 100 acre wood periodically to revive return to our strength. So often I feel urged by the world to do more more more until I burn out on life. This has been very helpful.
Thank you for this video! It made my nineness feel like a treasure 😊 Often, my nineness has made me feel lacking--like I don't measure up to the world's standards bc I'm too lazy or whatever. The more I grow to appreciate and feel secure in myself, the more I feel sitting at the crown of the enneagram is a gift. I'm also beginning to see the responsibility in it--escaping to the 100 acre woods to replenish myself is important, but returning to share that woodsy-ness w others is important too. I feel like every type brings a gift to the world; nine's is to celebrate the uniqueness of each type and help their gifts shine through the chaos ❤
What you call "The Hundred Acre Wood", I have been secretly calling "The Undersea / Underwater World" for a very long time. I have always been fascinated by tales about mermaids who would leave their realm to follow a stranger who then would try to prevent their return to their true home because he did not understand… I also had this phrase in my head about us "Water People" being the keepers of all that had been forgotten in "The Upper World" although it was what really mattered. - In short, I feel quite moved to finally hear someone speak to me in my language (even if English is farther down on my list of foreign languages ;-)) . Thank you and greetings from a 9w1 :-)
I really relate to your words. I love emerging beneath the surface. I love the numbing sound effect when this happens in movies. I even have a playlist on Spotify with 'wavey' songs that immerge me into this dreamy, shimmery world with colourful (red, green, blue) lights and floating glitter particles. 🌌 9w1 as well ;)
Wow. I’m feeling this. How validating. Spent the last 20 years creating exceptionally peaceful spaces for children. Been on my own path of meditation and finding calm and peace myself. Been feeling pressure to be more ambitious. Going to stick to the path I’m already on and just chill. And reread some Pooh. Thanks, Dr. Tom. ✌️
To me, this video says that allowing life to happen to you is not necessarily bad. But the last Dr. Tom video I watched (Helping The 9 Find Their Motivation) is telling me that it's unhealthy to let life happen to you, and you need to take more action. I think maybe that's the healthy 9's superpower. Balancing taking action and not taking action-and knowing when to do which one. All in pursuit of peace.
Holy f##### sh##. This resonated so, so much.😭. I realize I've always hated/judged myself for loving nature, loving magic, loving fantasy, the abstract etc. And even when I bring peace (and the woods) with me, and bring it to others, I've always judged myself for not "getting more done," manifesting more, being more "productive." I'm happiest in the woods. It never occurred to me that I can bring the woods where I go, and share the woods with others, and that's my purpose.
I love this so much. I am a very nine-ish 7. This video actually makes me wonder if I have mistyped myself all these years. When I was young, my family actually called me Pooh Bear and teased me for being oblivious. In Jr. High my nick name was Gandhi, because never took sides and tried to harmonize instead of feed gossip. I’m known for not fighting with people. That being said, I have many seven-ish traits too. I have a very active mind. My beautiful 17 year old daughter is a four-ish nine, but definitely a nine. She has expressed frustration that she doesn’t feel motivated and judges herself as lazy. What I see is her love for fantasy books, anime, music, gardens, nature and her natural artistic talent. I can’t wait to show her this video. I hope it encourages her to love who she is. ❤️
ᴀsᴛʀᴀᴇᴀ my mentor told me that nines sometimes have a hard time identifying themselves because of their empathy ability to merge with others. Seven sometimes have a hard time because they are multi-optional thinkers. Try looking at the way the types disintegrate. I thought I was a two. Then I looked at how they deteriorate. I’m not possessive or transactional. When I looked at how sevens deteriorate...escapism, resentment. That I could own. When I look at how nines deteriorate...low side of six, I can kind of see that too. So, I just decided I can learn from the advice for both types. Though I have to say, when Dr. Tom described the sexual/One to One Seven, and explained it can look like a nine, it resonated. Maybe check out the sub types?
Is it possible that aspects of your personality/brain chemistry lean you more towards the 7? I ask because I am a 9 with ADHD, which really makes me interested in adventures and fun, and I am quite impulsive. So I look superficially like a 7, but none of the deeper 7 stuff resonates with me, nor do I get "7" as a result on the tests (usually I'm a 2, but I'm a SAHM with little kids, so I think lots of those questionnaires put me there because I am -sometimes resentfully- doing lots of things for those I love... but that's because it's necessary, not because it's my default mode, haha!)
It is very hard to type yourself as a 9 because we tend to distract ourselves from the main conflicts in our life... also fusing with people... Stereotypes often don't help since people are very different. I see you alteady did some research - hopefully you will find your answer one day! :) By the way, I am a 4ish 9 and your daughter sounds like my twin, hahaha :D
Maria thanks for the encouragement. My daughter is so much more powerful and beautiful than she realizes. I imagine you are too! I actually have studied the Enneagram for about 18 years. 😀 I decided to land on seven but recognize other types within my personality as well. I think as we grow, we learn to integrate different types into our personality structure. So understanding all of the types can be helpful. Though I can be very enthusiastic about things, I am not the most driven seven. I think my struggle with ADHD inattentive presentation has a lot to do with that. Both 7’s and 9’s can spiral into ADHD like behaviors. I do value freedom, but I am willing to sacrifice my need for freedom for the needs of my primary relationships. I have a strong 6 wing. It’s true that I can feel weighed down by my commitments and fantasize about escaping into fun for myself. Though nines often live in a fantasy world, I am thinking fantasizing about new adventures is more of seven-ish way of being. I don’t feel the rage that nines apparently suppress. I do notice the fear and anxiety that sevens repress. That is how I landed on seven. At the same time, this video really resonates with me! I once told my mentor, “I feel too boring to be a seven.” He said, “That’s something a seven would say.” 😂
Dr Tom, you may have just changed my life. I'm a 9w1 sx who has struggled with depression for YEARS feeling like I can't "measure up" to the other numbers. I hated being a 9. Always felt like I just needed to be better. Currently navigating a divorce, and feeling like "if I had only been more like (x-type) this wouldn't have happened." This is the first time anyone has told me it's ok to be a 9. Thank you.
Thank you for reminding of me my purpose. I have struggled so hard in the last few years feeling like I had lost any purpose after the simultaneous events of divorce, my children all grown, losing job and home. Intrinsically, I have always felt that my "job" was to carry light and love and show God's goodness because of my accepting nature. But that felt small and insignificant and not, well, ENOUGH after feeling stripped of all the labels I had identified with. I have done lots of reading, listening, counseling and praying, but what I've learned about myself in your videos has been so, so helpful. I guess the old adage that "when the student is ready the teacher will appear" is often true. Thank you truly Dr. LaHue, you so graciously and kindly reminded me of my true purpose again.
It’s tough finding a balance.. I feel like when I tell myself it’s okay to accept the gifts I have as a 9 I can also excuse some unhealthy old habits that came along with that like being passive, not setting goals etc. I need to be pushing myself to action to actually accomplish anything
This video brought me to tears. When you said our purpose was to exist in that hundred acre wood, and share it with others... It felt like a permission to do what my soul had been longing for all along, but had been told "wasn't enough".
Wow. This hit me soooooo hard. I don't know how many times I wished I could just channel type 3 24/7 and because I just felt like I don't hustle like I should. I always feel like I SHOULD be doing more, striving for more, growing my business to 6 figures. And sometimes, I really feel like I am finally doing it! But, it never feels right. And I revert to my normal patterns within a week or two feeling drained and like a failure. Thank you for finally showing me that it's ok to not hustle all the time and that just being me is ok!
The world keeps telling us our worth is based on our job and what we achieve... You are helping me understand that Peacemakers have value too in this crazy world. Thank you!
I'm a 9w1. I lead weekly meditations and the people who come always rave about them. I thought it might be bc I try to help them remember that they're OK, both inside and out, and everything is going to be all right. I started loving Winnie the Pooh a few years back - like thinking of him as a zen/serenity master - so this resonated deeply. I'm leading a meditation today and will take folks into the 100 Acre Wood, with woodland creatures bringing them little gifts one by one. Thank you!
First thank you for these videos. As a 9 who was called a sponge and lazy as I was growing up...and judges myself, and is just starting to learn about my tendencies on the enneagram, this video helps because it offers a different perspective for me to consider.
Thank you for making me see that my true nature isn't something that is to be fixed or corrected in order to have a valuable life, but that it is something i need to nurish, and inhance. When watching this video i felt a weight being lifted from my shoulders, thank you again!
I'm a 9w1 middle school teacher and while I love my kids, this year was really stressful. Covid quarantine was actually a huge blessing. I healed my soul and became a healthier person and better teacher because of it.
Awesome vid, it really puts into words how I've felt for much of my adult life, it describes the 9's particular unique strength. I've definitely felt at times like something is "wrong" with my for not being harried and stressed like lots of other people, which even caused me anxiety thinking I "should" be more worried like a 6 even though deeper 9 wisdom tells me so much of that harriedness isn't actually necessary. Haha isn't such a 9 trait to be suspicious that your own way is "wrong" somehow... Of course there is a lot of health to be gained by "going into" 6, 3, and 8 but the underlying goal of those is to achieve the 9's purpose which is to be and bring peace (such as by having enough money, strong boundaries, good health, etc.), and bring wisdom to others rather than to gain power or "make a name for oneself" which a 9 ultimately doesn't see the point of!
Very much in the learning/processing curve of owning by 9 ness. You just gave my journey a new perspective that makes me smile. Thank you, thank you thank you!!
You've touched my heart. I am So glad and thankfullness that you confirmed that i am usefull and needed here on the mother earth. Thank you with Tears of Joy take Care
This was very timely for me, as I was really feeling down about being a 9. Thank you for helping me to see my place in this world in a more positive light.
You're definitely not alone....there are MILLIONS of us thinking about the environment/modifying our behaviors.....look how many people are buying electric cars as one small example. And the examples multiply when you look farther than U.S. borders. The reason I am commenting is to tell you how eloquent this sentence is: "Honestly I care more that people understand the 100 acre wood than I care they understand me." Such a liberating perspective; thank you!
Thank you so much for this. I feel deeply appreciated and validated for the first time in my entire life. I've always been called passive, have been ushered to go go go, reach for the stars, when all I wanted was internal peacefulness. Sitting on a rock at a river shore, experiencing the wind blow through the trees and feeling warm sun rays on my skin, can there be anything more glorious than God's creation?
Thanks Dr Tom. As a 9, this really helped me feel better about myself. I have felt like a lazy unaccomplished person for a long time and I always thought there was something wrong with me.
Thank you. Really, thank you from the bottom of my heart. See you back in the 100 Acre Wood, Dr. Tom LaHue--where there is room on the rock by the brook whenever you come to visit.
This is CLASSIC...and hilarious 2 me!! Talk about nailing it...Thank u so much 4 this perspective that describes 2 a T what my husband has been trying 2 say 2 me 4 the last 20 years about living n another world, and what I always come back 2: I just don’t care about those things like everyone else seems 2, so let’s go outside, then have a snack and take a nap!
Wow Dr. Tom- Thank you for this one!! I’ve never felt so validated or free to be myself and finally at peace with not “measuring up” to everyone outside the hundred acre wood. I’ve been comparing myself for decades and striving to be like other enneagram types most of my life ( and I’m 54!). Thank you for allowing us to remain in peace, to see it as our purpose (wow-huge eye-opener), and to allow me to push aside all those binders from the seminars. Lol. You truly have a gift - keep up the good work that you do, we’ll be watching ❣️✌🏽
I love the images and analogies you use in your message, it makes it easier to understand the types. I am humbled by this new understanding of the 9s and I have a new found appreciation for them. Good, as I’m pretty sure I have 9s in my life. Every type has their strength and mission, and the 9 one is beautiful. I miss Bob Ross and his happy little trees and mountains :), he had a gentle soul.
Oh my goodness. I have watched so many of your videos and loved them all but this one was really special. We truly do all have a special contribution only we can make - even us 9s ❤
Thanks for the calming words. The past few weeks, I've been feeling like all my body was filled with anger. I've just started reading "Anger" by Thich Nhat Hanh (someone gave it to me a few years ago ; I never understood why), but the contents looks like it's for people who, like 8s, express their anger ; I doubt I'm gonna get any valuable lesson from it. The only things that do seem to work at the moment is playing frisbee and listening to your videos. This one too deeply resonates with me, as I've always thought leaving the Paleolithic was not worth all the trouble it caused. PS: Winnie The Poo was my schoolbag from ages 7 to 12. No wonder.
This is a wonderful image for how to view the 9 worldview. For so long I thought there was something wrong about the way I viewed life, like I wasn't being as serious as I should be. Now I see how I can help other people take things less at a slower pace. Life doesn't always have to move at a crazy pace. Though it is nice to get some stuff done with the help of 3 sometimes, haha.
This makes so much sense. You are really wise, I think many enneagram 7 are. I feel like I have trying to be someone I am not for a long time. Trying to fit in. I can feel that it is “just” the small things in life that makes me happy, and when I begin to think that I need a lot more or I need to be “successful” in some way, then I get stressed. I really do “just” love nature, animal and some good food. Just being - and not in a big spiritual way💓.
Hearing about EVERY 9 (especially 9w1) character trait, makes me feel like it's basically been a psychological report on me! I keep expecting to hear something I dont resonate with, but so far...nothing (I've been studying the Enneagram for over a year now). Anyway, I really needed to hear this right now, I'm training myself to become a holistic therapist, after many friends insisting that's my true calling (eventually), and nature is such a big thing for me. This whole post has given me a good push to let my self doubts slip and fully believe I'm capable. Thank you Dr La Hue, you're such a fantastic interpreter of all the types. I appreciate all your videos, keep up your great work! 9️⃣🌳🌲🍀
Ahhh,the irony of just finding out that "Enneagram" even existed only to discover I'm a most definitely a 9 as I'm literally alone with my multiple animals camping in the woods🤣 Just Priceless! Thank you so very much for explaining this much needed missing puzzle piece of mine, as I'm finding it most useful in further understanding what I could never understand nor explain about myself! After 50yrs of doing my best to make sence of it all, I had come to the conclusion that like Tigger, I truly was the only one just like my mom always told me🤷♀️ Nope, 7mos ago I found out I'm an INFJ &today I discover I'm a 9🤪 So I'm not the only one, I'm just one of the rare few still searching for another "alien" like me 👽👾 I'm the meantime I think I'll just concentrate on learning to get to know myself & become "Me" out here in my own 100 acre woods enjoying my solitude in peace as the rest of the world does its thing 👍🌻
Im just starting to become comfortable in being a 9 (A 9W8 at that) and not labeling myself as lazy. Its still hard though because I have goals that I want to accomplish and I dont want to just let life happen. How do you shift? How do you find the drive? How do you know this thing you actually want to do is for you and you did not pick it up versus actually you are being lazy? I have questions for days lol
It's so HILARIOUS that u say life happens to a nine. Because most of my life I've said with anything crazy dream I've ever wanted..such as being a movie star or modeling.. i felt it should be me just walking down a street and being discovered🤣 never striving or going for it n being rejected or whatever. Even my 1st promotion at work... my manager at work... came to me and asked me to step up. I never would've. But I'm growing now. 😄 Thanks !
This is so true! Everything I’ve achieved in life I feel has been accidental/incidental somehow! Or handed to me on a plate! Either that or it has been the direct result of another person’s input... my promotion at work came when I was approached also. As I never would’ve sought it myself!
Thanks Tom... I'm looking at all my binders from all those motivational things that I thought would put me into action... realizing that it's okay to just hang out here in the peace.
Thank you! I am a 9w1 and have watched many of your videos. This one resonated so much with me. I have this elated feeling of being heard. What you are stating is exactly what I have been drawn towards the past few years. Teaching mindfulness and peace to people. My mission in life is to create a world of connection through mentoring awareness around mind, body & spirit. It also explains why I get excited quickly for something and then it dies down when presented by someone else as I try to live their number. I thought I was broken or lazy or something was wrong with me. This video has helped me shift my perspective on what I genuinely want to do! Thank you, thank you!
This was really special to me. Thanks for recording this and sending it out. Just like the comment below, I hated being a 9. Which is annoying because that in its self is anti harmony. Sometimes It feels a little an assignment to not being assigned But I know that’s not true. My assignment isn’t like other assignments that other numbers have, my gifts are not like others gifts. The grass isn’t always greener, and contentment can be powerful. I appreciate the way you explained this concept today and also the way you explained at the end the connection To being a Christian. You have helped me so much and I thank you.
So good... been really struggling with finding my number. I thought I was a 6 for awhile but never connected. So I’ve really been doing research of each number. Recently i have found 9 really speaking to me and never felt more 9 then I do now after this video. Thanks.
I was introduced to the enneagram just 4 weeks ago and I’m a 9. I want to be cynical and skeptical but after watching these videos (among others) I just can’t be anything but fully invested. I feel , for the very first time, that somebody understands me and listening to these videos makes me feel like I’m listening to the story of my life. It’s like my whole being is laid bare! It’s a terrifying thing but also completely uplifting and I’ve been pushed to tears on a few occasions as the words touch my every nerve. I’m a peace keeper. I avoid confrontation like my life depends on it. I go with the flow. I consider (involuntarily) every viewpoint in a situation. Sometimes I consider myself quite the empath... and then sometimes I wonder if I’m actually just a fraud... An empty shell of a person who assumes the opinions and energies of those around him and who has nothing of any interest to say or to offer in his own right. People who know me will tell me the opposite is true but I often feel like I don’t know who I am or what I want or what I feel. I’ve been called a people pleaser. I’ve been called lazy. I’ve been called sloth. People watch in amazement at my lackadaisical manner. If I’m honest I’d probably have to agree that I am a bit lazy. Sometimes I convince myself that I’m chilled and at peace. Other times, I worry that I’m wasting my existence and my laziness is a symptom of fear of failure. I am unquestionably a 9 and outwardly people think I’m so calm and collected. But the truth is I’m riddled with anxiety. I’m a chronic over-thinker and I worry like mad about inconsequential things. Lately I’ve been consumed with regret and feel like I’m heavy with unrealised potential - potential that I’ll never fulfil because I’ve been sleeping so long. Just when I’m feeling at peace with myself and content with my life, I’m hit in the stomach with panic that I’ve wasted the last 15 years and thrown away any chance of so called success that I might have had! I’ve often watched the people in my life as they fill the days and weeks with wonderful adventures or achieve romantic/financial/professional success... and I feel guilty for wanting to spend my days locked away at home sleeping and relaxing, recharging after a stressful week. I feel guilty and I also feel deep regret. But I also know (as you mention here) that if I’m honest with myself I don’t feel comfortable having a full diary and filling every minute of every day with new experiences! I often wonder if people see me as a disappointment or somebody who, deep down, is totally uninspiring! Some of the points you make in this video resonate with me so much and I help me understand myself a bit more. But the truth remains that I really don’t know who I am. I don’t know what I want. And for someone who has always prided himself on secure self awareness and understanding, I don’t even know what I feel!
Wow!!!! You are so eloquent!! You described how I'm feeling to a T! Even now, I resonated with this video but still have an inkling of doubt and fear that I'll get trapped in my mindset of wanting things that aren't meant for me. I'll have to strengthen my muscle of self acceptance and grace for who I truly am. I hope that you've come to know more of who you are. I felt the most lost during high school when I had friends I didn't care about and lived a life that felt like a lie. After I graduated, I joined the military at a family members request and still felt so frustrated that I was doing something that felt all wrong. I became a Christian eventually and in that God led me to stop and just think about the things I actually wanted - not what anyone else wanted or expected of me. I remember writing a list 2-3 years ago about the things I cared about: writing, music, psychology, ballet (I wish I'd done it lol). The list wasn't long and at time I was even disappointed and mad at myself about that lol. From then, I've still gone back and forth on what I want versus what others want for me. I've claimed my identity in God as his creation and child, though I still have relapses of not knowing my purpose. Watching this video now, I can tell it'll help with a big chunk of that. I actually have a poem that might resonate with 9s very well. It's about my desire to simply exist.
Thank you Dr Tom, you have help me to be more aware of some of my subconscious thoughts and help me to understand myself better as we journey through life..
Wow. Randomly found this video and was completely moved to tears. I’ve never heard it described this way and felt so understood. I have spent most of my life trying to figure out how to explain myself to people. How I can feel nothing and everything simultaneously by simply accepting. Or the concept of “oneness.” Beautiful explanation. Thank you tremendously. Sending you love and peace from the Hundred Acre Wood! 😊
When you said Disneyland.... I truly want to live in a world 🌎 that is like that 🙃 I often think that if Walt Disney could bring his vision of clean, imaginative, FUN why can't more of the world understand that as humans we need that!???
This seems counter to the "go to 3 in strength" element or having an 8wing. Yes, lots of balance, clam, serenity, sailing is important ... yet there is production and investments to be made ... you need balance of it all after all.
To bring peace and harmony (from The Hundred Acre Wood) into this dark and troubled world, the 9 will have to move to action (3) and resist (8) those who seek to interfere.
sexual 9w1 , From the center , opportunity arrives and is accepted ... less a striving for and in fact through intentional disinterest to not get wrapped up in what 'took me down ' the cup , if you will , runneth over
Wow finally tears of joy! Normally I cry because I thought as a 9 I’m doomed. It’s hard to have people in my life who are constantly competing to get to the next level of what they feel is bringing them closer to their purpose and like you mentioned in this video I don’t fit in. There have been many times where I questioned my purpose and thought it’ll come to me later in life or thought I wasn’t trying hard enough. But this video really resonated with me to see myself differently. My purpose is already there and when I think about how i have been able to impact people who I truly connected with and understand the kind of person I am, it was because I was being myself, and not pretending or trying to get someone to like me. Thank you for sharing this video!
Wow! This is very helpful. Yes, I've tried on the various striving personas... aaaand.. it's miserable!!! The challenge is how to find what I resonate with and actually being ok with it and not feeling bad about it because it's out of societal norms. Like the starving artist persona.. I think this is who I need to embrace and just be ok with that and not pay any mind to the perceptions I have of other peoples perceptions of me. As I've gotten older this has gotten better but only through my own experience of choosing a path not fit for me have I been able just say to myself "chill out.. just be a starving artist cause that's who you are and that's ok".
I’m a newer (2nd year) teacher and a 9. Because of online classes connecting with my students is hard. But I’m making an effort to make sure that they know that they’re loved and that they have someone in whom they can trust as all this protesting is happening. Thanks for making me feel seen Dr. Tom.
Agree! Thank you so much for all of your work with us peace making 9s! As a #9 15 year kindergarten and 1st grade teacher, I struggled (and still am) with (suggested but required of students) online learning and making sure the kids feel a connection and "safe" in my space. I had so many kids who were "absent" during this time. These were the kids who needed the safe place most! My administration actually commented that I just need to relax and not take on the worry about those kids and just teach the academics. ☹ I respectfully explained that unless little ones (or any of us really) have our basic needs of food, shelter, safety, and LOVE met, no learning can truly happen! This is and will continue to be so very difficult with online and even face to face perimeters put in place. He responded to just teach the curriculum. So I am spending my summer "time off" attempting to learn other ways to grow relationships. Prayers to you and all other 9s that are struggling with the world we are in right now! 💜
