Enneagram type 4 | Wings - 4w5 (four wing five) 

I'm a 4w5. I once had a therapist tell me that I have more self-knowledge than most other people. Personally, I don't really see how we can go through life without knowing ourselves, since we are with ourselves 24/7.

4w5 is a permanent battle between the suffering of the world and your own suffering, fighting who gets more of your attention today.

Does anyone feel like as a 4 you overshare at times in an effort to: 1. Help people know the true you better 2. Tackle social anxiety to learn and push yourself out of your comfort zone 3. Defend an unpopular/unspoken perspective that you relate to 4. Help someone feel less alone And as a result feel: 1. Like a fraud 2. You came on too aggressively like an impulsive, angry person 3. You sound pretentious 4. Rather than helping someone feel less alone, you did more damage than good Feeling this tonight.

I could smile and i could cry because it's beautiful and sad at the same time to be this type

Also, dear 4s, do not declutter when you're in your unhealth. You can lean heavy into that manic 4w3 energy and give shit away and regret it later. Signed a 4w5 who found Marie Kondo in an heightened state after an emotional event and decided to do a bit too fucking much and is now like woah what the hell was that whirlwind and why did I donate all my spatulas and my favourite comforter and stuff? 😂. Put it in the bags and boxes but give it a while and calm down!

I'm 4w5 through & through- INFP Hello, kindred spirits 💗

I'm a 4W5 and an INTP. I'm a knowledge whore. I easily have 450+ tabs opened in my browser. I've always lived inside my head, and I love to observe people and my surroundings. However, I retreat from the world because people drain me. At the same time, I feel a deep desire for connection and recognition. I stopped writing and creative projects for fear of judgment and recognition, but the other part of me has never cared about the opinion of others. I just think I'm deeply misunderstood. Also, after being burned by so-called friends, I don't trust many people. I have been desperately trying to find how to channel and activate my "3," but I've been coming up empty-handed. It can be exhausting, and I don't feel like myself as much. I appreciated your analysis of 4s, 4w3, and 4w5, especially as I continue on this adventure of self-discovery and transformation. You have given me a lot to think about in my quest to become more balanced to finally be noticed.

My dad used to call me a bohemian 😂 That's so funny!

The color scheme in your place the textures the couch it’s all so beautiful and does a lot for my 4w5 brain. Did you pick those?

SP 4w5 and Drew is calling me on my bullshit. Must be Thursday.

I’m 51 and “choking on the world” more than ever-so confusing, irritating, and inspiring all at once. If i had a theme song, it’d be Morrissey’s “Lifeguard Sleeping, Girl Drowning” even though i have many beautiful people and parts to my life. I don’t want to be here, yet feel compelled to stay and do some good-totally complex, exhausting, and embarrassing!

Growing up, I always try to figure out why I find it hard to express my opinions and ideas to others. I came to a point where I thought maybe something is wrong with me because people doesn't seem to feel that way. People around me can express their ideas and opinions easily while me I keep everything to myself. Now, I have finally found the answer. And now it made sense. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. God bless you!!

Btw love your purple accent wall, and colorful furniture! ppl are afraid to use color in their rooms so it's nice to see something different!

Thanks for the content, Drew! I see my life as a tale of two wings. The first half as a 4w3 and I came across as a 7 to a lot of folks. I can very much relate to the mania you describe. This later season I'm much more in a 4w5 posture and it feels delightful to actually be able to sit and read for a change. I'm trying to embrace your challenge though of putting myself back into the world. I'm sitting on some artistic expressions that I probably should share. Thanks for seeing me and calling me to put my best self out there!

Here's a bit of a conundrum... I'm a 4 ....probably equal wings at this point as i'm older now. But i've done so many years of inner work that i have very little inclination to try to convince anyone of anything... knowing that true wisdom is based upon so many years of introspection, suffering and varied life experiences. I don't pretend that i can ever truly share what i've learned with anyone and have it mean anything for them. At one point i would have fancied myself a poet or an author or a teacher or guide. Now i really don't know if where i've gotten to is any better than where i left (as John Lennon sang "I was the walrus, now I"m John") ... the four hates being normal. But here i am...just me. My therapist says it's a gift to "just be me" now...and not be building some fabulous identity based upon reactivity to outside stimuli. But is being normal any better than having a grand illusion of something else? Dunno. It was pretty exciting when i lived the blue pill... Turns out that the red pill is, well, it's a bit of a yawn.

As a child I was always fascinated by the Romany gypsies that would come and camp on the outskirts of my home town (Cambridge, England). The women would tell fortunes and the men had long hair and were so wildly beautiful- All I wanted to do was join them. A free spirit is how I self identify primarily… and yet sometimes I get so lost inside my own mythical world that I don’t know how to come out and play with others. It just doesn’t seem as interesting (sounds horribly arrogant to say that I know.) I want to find the courage to bring my dreamy creativity out a lot more in writing and share it with others… I’m forever an internal work in progress it seems. (Though I do bring my 4w3 into my work doing my podcast and public speaking.) But still hiding… Thanks for all the tremendous insight here… so brilliant! 🙏🏻

Best 4w5 video I have come across. Love how you tie in the sp which “I am.” Also love the Steinbeck quotes. My favorite writer. Did he seem like 4w5 or 5w4 to you?

4/5 here, I can see the 3 and 5 in myself in different parts of my life. Great to have more awareness! In terms of the self, I love weaving in the transcendent understanding of self. Wonderful video, thanks

that explain why i've always been so drawn to storytelling, wiithout further ado, i'll go watch the 4w3 video to balance myself out

Oh wait a minute! Now that you've given the music analogy, I believe I'm more 4w5--geez!!!

I really need to study this more, as it appears that I vacillate between wings 3 and 5. There is so much depth to understanding these concepts.

nah i'm a strong 4w5 this was needlingly accurate. also i have adhd so i do literally have a dopamine deficiency lol. I definitely do need to get into a bit of 3 energy (which is rough again with the adhd bc it makes productivity pretty elusive. i tend to have a million half finished and half started projects). But wherever i can, I've gotta stop waiting to be 'complete' and 'ready' enough to front up to the starting line.. Great video:)

Just discovered your channel. I ve been into Enneagram for 10 years now. I ve watched and read endless material on enneagram especially(4 and 5). I have went back and fourth between the 2 trying to figure out which is my core till.this very day . Doing endless comparisons to determine. I think what makes it even more difficult is that the 4w5/5w4. Is the only one of all types that equal part head and heart...

Terminally special ☠️ I can’t 😅 4w5, just found your channel. Gonna binge while I’m working from home!

Just did my first Enneagram test. 101 insights into my best and worst bits. Didn't get the wings idea. Now I do. Thank you for this. I'm stuck in the worst aspects of 4w5. Whilst watching this video today, a butterfly came in through a window which has been shut for 13 years and was unsealed yesterday. My exact words were 'don't worry, I won't let you die in here'. Very metaphorical but also very physical as I stopped working July 2016 and have been 'isolated and locked down' since then. I have a feeling that things are going to shift rapidly.

Thanks for the insights Drew! Spot on! What a lucky duck to travel so much n bring back your treasures both outwardly and inwardl! Wow! I do similiar with AI artworks! Amazing! Huh! Great comparison! Earlier in my life I worked in teams to win awards in the arts, now I focus on my own work and am much quieter and focused (I’m a 4w5). I do have notes everywhere lol and love travel and my home creatively aesthetic. I always say that when I’m sculpting in my mind it may appear like I’m not doing much but oh, my yes, my subconscious is, train rides in quiet carriages work well in getting into my creative spirit. I will be studying at Uni later this year, in a whole new area, which is territory to explore, and that’s exciting and wow! I’m stretching myself and it amazes me! I was overly energetic when I was younger, I’m disabled now, however I use the quietness to focus on my faith and share in in the ways I feel led too, and love people very much. I like my own space to conserve energy (I’m an empath too) and have loads of great ideas. Just need my space, I say I feel like I’ve turned into a Noble Gas Atom lol (Huh I dreamt of Johnny Depp last night. Was talking about our musical past, and how we shouldn’t hide it. Was a great dream!). Thank you for sharing this great info and your own insights too! I appreciate your encouragement to get out there again. Makes me want to cry. I spoke about my baptism and being born again this morning, amazing. My ex who’s an INFJ has had a stroke and I saw him yesterday. I felt something was wrong so intensely a few days before, my heart burned, it turns out he had been in a coma for 3 months! I felt compelled to contact him and my intuition was right. I’m glad I listened to my heart. I hope he recovers and regains his complete autonomy. Step at a time. I won’t be enmeshed however care about his well-being and happy to share some insights, so he has the opportunity to become independent again. It’s been a rough road. Great lesson in forgiveness and patience for both of us too. I was thinking about humility and how it brings us to our child like, lamb dependent on a shepherd self, completely authentic, it helps us grow into the best versions of who we can be. Ironically I began my podcast again this morning. And then, here, your video appears. As Jung said, there are no coincidences. And synchronicity is a wonderful thing. Life is beauty and suffering. When we know that, it becomes easier to navigate. Darkness is but a thin veil that may cover the light. Lift the veil off, and there the light still shines, brighter than ever. Bruce Springsteen and Jerry Seinfeld are great examples, as are all the literary prose and your neighbour too. I hope you can press his buzzer and ask if he’s ok. OCD is a tough thing to live with, I have family and friends who suffer with it and I agree it makes me feel tense when I’m around it too, I think we pick up on their energy and it doesn’t feel nice at all. Hope that works out for you. Take care too. What a wise and creative soul you are. Thank you from one Kookycat Boho Blades of Grass person (my Romany gypsy friends are some of my favs) to another 😸😸 🌱🌱 My full name is ‘Amberwren’, a song my Father sang about a Princess who dances away with the Gypsies and becomes a creative Bohemian. I didn’t know the words until I was older. It’s as though my Dad knew what my life would be. God bless.

I am a 4 wing 3, self pres, yes, I'm home watching the 5 wing and all the types- great advice! binging on your channel, I'm so grateful for you

I find it really impressive how you describe these types in such detail and depth. I'm new to the enneagramm and currently it really helps me to navigate through difficult times in my life (hopefully to a more brighter place :-D ) I also really like your positive and ressourceful approach explaining the types...it feels really encouraging. Thank you!

SP nerdy gypsy 4, just ruthlessly thrust into the world and having to rely on my poor w3. Helluva ride!! I've never been more chaotic. Never experienced more emotions. Never been more lost. Never more found. I love it! I hate it! In short, I'm feeling severely 4 having to use both wings 🤦‍♀️

This was very informative! I could see the enthusiasm surfacing in me when you explained different concepts in more depth, that was a nice detail so thank you! My biggest struggle has been knowing who I really am with others and alone, and coming to terms with that. Taking turns riding on wing 5 and 3 does not make that struggle any easier!

This was actually very helpful and informative; nice!

Great video. You provide the best information on Enneagram types I have ever come across.

I really like your hair style and the fact that you make that simple White T look so cool. ❤

Hello I'm an ISFP 4w5, but pretty much balanced with 4w3. Good to see and hear people who have a similar personality.

So happy to have found your video.Thanks a lot for making such a clear overview of the different characteristics. 4w5, the most shallenging and at the same time most beautiful aspect i find is the unbelievable sensitivity. In the course of my life it got me into trouble regarding identity problems and mental healt, because i can literally feel other peoples feelings and emotions as if they ore mine, even sometimes sence there intensions and thinking, together with a traumatic childhood, i was bound to need some therapy at one point. I moved houses more then 10 times, i can write a paper front and back full of different jobs, i love travel and culture, but i NEED, lots of space, beauty, nature and art. Many years ago i thought there is something realy wrong with me(sometimes i still do), but now i saw your video i don't feel like an alien anymore because i know most of the 4w5's are in there safe environment making art and researching, just being 😂 thanks again! Love, understanding and acceptance to all 4w5's out there ❤

I fell in love with Iclandic culture when I was a doula for a young Icelandic couple that recently moved to Los Angeles for film school. Assisting their birth and spending time with their extended family led to my obsession with Iceland. I hope to visit in the future and possibly start a doula business in there.

4w5 here. Actually think a 4w5 will naturally research the other types. How can you understand yourself without understanding others in relation to you. Agree strongly that sometimes we are overwhelmed by the pain of the world. I’m laughing “who are they?” Yep.

Thank you so much. Just discovered all of this and yes my mind is totally blown.

Wow. The distinctions that you make here and the examples you give have solidified my own 4W5 and occasional 4W3 classification. A video I already know that I will be relistening to. Thank you.

I just found Eneagrams and the test says I’m a 4 with a 5 wing But I also have strong 2 and 9 with a lesser 7. I really don’t know myself. The search for who I really am has been a life long one. I’m 50 now and with what you talk about 4s I really connect and feel seeing. The work I have mostly done on myself without help ( because conventional help is useless or perhaps those who lended a hand try to erase who I was with medical aides that made more harm than good) so I learn to lean on just my own. Meditation helps and something else “badly accepted “ the so called magical thinking. I got out of the victim mentality and got to be a lot more valanced and peaceful. But I noticed I became a 2 mostly as a way of finding acceptance. I don’t think it’s really me. Yes I care and I love but I constantly try to hold my horses on emotional pouring on to others as it feels like a waterfall held by a delicate membrane that will tear at once if I just open a window into my soul. Plus not everyone can handle the deep movings of my inner being. If only I found someone who could understand…. I do a kind of therapy work and have help many but never found someone to be able to hold space for me. Not saying this as a victim only accepting what is and love myself for it. I’m able to hold that space for those who others can’t and that’s how I feel my value exist. I have attenuated the jealousy in favor or the acceptance and gratefulness of the now on me. Thank you for your work and what you share with us. You are invaluable and perfect in everything you communicate so freely from the inflection of your voice to each story, poem and song you pour on your videos. Beautiful hurts and to feel that pain is not something everyone can feel and appreciate as delight.

Hello from Sydney Australia I’m a 4 and think I was raised a 5 wing but now am learning the 3 wing mojo 😊

Thank you some of this totally explained why I reacted so sensitive, when some teachers of the past didn't like what I wrote.

I’m just learning about the enneagram this last month or so and it’s crazy how you say bohemian and gypsys I’ve always been soooo fascinated by them and I love them I think gypsys and bohemian vibes are so beautiful. I’m cool with being a 4w5 Haha the thing is also is that I’m always so much into learning and I envy people who are able to be a RU-vidr and stuff because that’s what I want it’s like I’m desperately wanting to be a 4w3 I love being a five but I seriously want to lean into the 3. Idk if other people feel that way too. I want to put myself out there so badly and I’m just like but I don’t have the best lighting I don’t have this.. I don’t have that… I need this first, I gotta learn this next… then it’s like I’m stuck into consuming and never taking action. Then I get really upset with myself.

I feel sad for your loss Drew. Over the top disappointing and devastating to work so hard and struggle for a year to just lose it all. 🙏💖

Agreed, Olafur Arnalds creates exceptional music. I think he is a great example of a 4w5 (not sure about his subtype; I would think self pres). I think Kafka is a good example of either a 4w5 or 5w4. Your videos have really good references and analogies. Some of the best videos on RU-vid that I’ve seen of the subtypes and wings.

I very much relate with your comments. Thanks for sharing! Sp 4w5

I love this. 💜✨🙏 Ambient/Psybient is my ultimate favorite type of music. I'm a 4 but not sure what my other wing is. I feel the pain of the world and my own pain so deeply. I retreat a bit too much unless I am expected to be "out there". I want to work on getting myself out there more because I have so many talents and artistic abilities I wish to share, and I know it can help people. It's helped me so much to express in these ways but I always kept it hidden. (At least mostly hidden -there are times I am able to put it out there but it's never consistent with me) Subscribed. Even in a prerecorded video I feel so heard and understood. I want to learn more and actually apply it now lol.

You helped me a lot. Thank you. I'll look forward for more Enneagram 4 content.

Sights and Sounds sometimes overwhelm,,,because we (can) take in SO much! We must often retreat in order to absorb or regurgitate.

I have a 5 year journal where I answer a question a day each year for 5 years. I just did the Jan 26th question which is "In one word, what do you want most out of life?" I cover the previous year's answer when writing the current year's answer. Guess what... I wrote recognition this year and success last year..... so 45:36 was like you literally read my journal o.o

Much appreciated! 🙏🏻

I LOVE OLAFUR ARNALDS AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA You're the first person I've ever heard even talk about Olafur Arnalds. I love Eulogy for Evolution!

The contradictions in being a 4w5 can be maddening.

Nice! I've been waiting on some new videos. I appreciate them!

when i did the test it didn't know whether i was 5w4 or 4w5 but i don't really feel balanced I guess i would lean towards 5W4 because i overanalyse and rationalise everything and when i was taking art classes it felt somewhat empty ad meaningless

I love the idea of driving around Iceland listening to olafur Arnaud 💖💖💖

LOVE your videos! Thank you so much! ♥

You seem very sympathetic. I really enjoy your videos. Greetings from Germany;)

As a 4w5 me too!!!!. I have the SAME fear!. I want to go out with my name in lights. I don’t know how people live day to day knowing they will fizzle out into the background. I’m a sexual over social 4w5 though.

Howdy Drew! I'm new to your podcast and I'm also a 4w3!

One thing that has helped me is doing CBT exercises.

Yay I am so excited!!!!

I am a 4w5 and all I want to know is how to do my laundry without being terminally bored.

Do you guys think these are a 4w5 thing: 1.Too much guilt for talking about or sharing my feelings or thought. 2. I feel like an impostor or an intruder when i am with my friends. 3.When i am in social events i feel that i am being judged,for being there,by other attendants of the events. 4.Following every achievement a voice in my head keeps telling that i dont deserve it.

Whats is the correlation between 4W5 and Mayers briggs. Im 4W5 and an ENTP.

Thanks for this explanation.

I am getting a lot of mixed messages as a 4w5: “If you want people to understand you you need to help them understand you.” “People don’t want to go that deep” Ok so which one?

This is sooooo helpful thank you

Very well explained all :)

As I learn more about enneagram, I believe I'm a 4w5. When it comes to other people, I try to interact with them as little as possible due to me having social anxiety for most of my life. I guess that makes me an unhealthy 4. Going to the 4w3 side, I'm almost never assertive, not sure if the 4w3 even makes it to the radar screen in me. 35:00 Don't even get me started on all the annoying habits/sounds my coworker makes, it drives me nuts. Given that the office is mostly quiet, I need to jam my earbuds in a lot of the time. So annoying, and ugh, gross as well. Huh, so I really may be just a quiet guy who keeps to myself as an unhealthy 4w5. Who knew? I'm so accustomed to not being seen, that sometimes I prefer it that way. Take when I jog for instance, I always feel like there are too many people milling around outside where I'm trying to jog. How do all these random strangers manage to insert themselves into my path, which causes me to change my course to avoid them. I'm mentally thinking, "Don't look at me!"

For a while, I couldn't figure out whether I was a 5w4 or a 4w5. I just took a quiz that was given on a RU-vid video, and the results indicated 4w5. There were 19 questions. The answers to 10 of them indicated 4w5 and the answers to 9 indicated 5w4.

Wow wouldn't a retreat be amazing. If only

I'm an intp 4w5

54:48 I really agree with this saying

Is the 4 w5 the typical lone wolf?

How can you be less concerned about what other people think of you and still be motivated by envy?

More ppl need to see this🤔😁

4w5 Romani here. INFJ

u should listen to math rock

I would love to find a 4w5 support group. It’s hard out here. I feel like I can’t really enjoy life fr😕

Drew, how 'bout those retreats? Anything in the works?

Is there an ending to our drama 😁 my wings are at odds with one another

Olifur Arnalds rules

18:45 😅

Can you do 5w4?

if i lost a whole years salary, id be in the pyschward.Which i have been many times because of my pursuit of medication to finally make me whole. I want to find a community of 4s, to help me on my journey.Ive wasted so many years i almost left the world in oct. Ever hear of action-faking? this is a new term i discovered ill explain it to ya if u like.Its so toxic 4 its scary.

🧐😯me.. 😅