Everywhere At The End of Time - William Utermohlen's Art 

You guys wanna know what's terrifying? That last image was made in 2000. *He didn't die until 2007.*

Better to die quick with your memories intact, than to watch them fade away.

That one picture at 5:50. It is distorted, but you can see that he had a depressed face back then. Considering the fact that he was drawing a self-portrait using a mirror, he was sad when he was doing it. He knew that one day he will never be able to remember who he is, or why he is in his own house, but he can't do anything to stop it. And that's why he is crying. That broke my heart.

When I look at these horrifying images I honestly hope if I get alzheimers and or any other form of dementia the doctor ends me right there and then

My grandpa passed away from dementia and it’s terrifying seeing someone just forget who they are and how to do basic human things we take for granted. 2023 update: My grandma(his wife) is now pretty deep into Parkinson’s and dementia. She’s deteriorating more and more each day and now has to wear diapers. She is going to a long term care facility soon. I can’t even begin to explain the fear and immense sadness I feel for her and my family.

shawty’s..... like a.. melody.... in... my.......... .........shawty......................who....................................memory.....................

even more horrifying with these paintings

Sad fact: people with Alzheimer’s will hum their favorite song but when they stop... it’s basically the end

God this makes me so disheartened. As an artist myself, the realization that this might one day happen to me is utterly terrifying and tragic. He knows where his core features are, his mouth, eyes, nose, ears, ect. And yet, with each passing stage, he loses that perceived knowledge more and more. It scares me, almost to the point of a phobia, but I guess the recollection of him even knowing where those things are calms me

This actually made me super sad. And to make things worse, this disease is not that uncommon, so people are dealing with this existential turmoil everyday...

The fact that he deliberately chose to document his progression through these artworks means that he probably knew exactly what was going to happen to him... and that somehow makes it even sadder :(

This is so disturbing.. like honestly this video is scarier than any of those try tryhard "deep RU-vid" videos filled with jumpscares and screams and such

This isn't just sad, this is literally terrifying

You can see the sadness in the last few paintings; he remembers that there was once a person where he sits, yet he can't comprehend what happened. He wasn't happy or bliss, he was crumbling and couldn't even do anything about it. The absolute disorientation and pure agony is so perfectly and crushingly portrayed in the last pictures. This is so sad yet beautiful.

Sometimes I just wish to die early than to be an empty shell

I think the last 5 minutes of the album would’ve paired with that last photo really well

I had an old lady order from me at my resturant from a retirement home and I was the delivery driver. What I did not know when taking the order was that she has Dementia. She could barely remember the names of the items she was trying to order, and she could not give specific details of her nursing home and repeatedly said "I forget the name." I drove 20 minutes to her location, could not find her anywhere according to her instructions, called her several times with no answer until she eventually picked up and gave me more vague instructions coupled with a bunch of "I don't remember" and "I forget the name." Until eventually I was starting to have a panic attack from the stress and called my boss to contact the lady. An old man, her husband answered and said she had not been home for a great while and had no clue she had ordered food or where she was or when she would be back. This was two days ago, right at the peak of my interest in Everywhere at the End of Time. I was quite disturbed by all of this...

As an artist who was diagnosed with psychosis, I really relate to these kinds of drawings/paintings - but they also terrify me equally as much as they intrigue me. I'm afraid of one day aging and my art becoming like this.

Since we’re all afraid, here’s some steps to take later in life to lower the risk of dementia: Eat healthy, cut down on candy and fast food Exercise regularly, 150 minutes of moderate cardio and strength training per week Take long walks to clear your head. Doing it with someone else is even better Learn to de-stress. Don’t overwork yourself and practice stress relief activities like deep breathing, playing with a pet or reading. Stay social into your old age. Take exercise classes rather than doing it on your own, and spend time with your friends. Learn a new skill. Lean a language, play an instrument, get a new hobby, as long as you’re keeping your brain active. Do puzzles such as sudoku, math, crosswords, memory games, etc. Get quality sleep.

That final sketch has resonated with me... This amazingly talented artist forced to forget his phenomenal talents. He forgot who he even was, what he was doing. That final sketch is what he saw of the hollow husk that was left of him.. its really sad. He lived for another 7 years before dying. That was the last drawing he ever done in his life

The drastic difference between 6:07 and 6:36 is too much for me to comprehend

What’s crazy about the last one is you can still see the technical skill in there a little. There are planes of the face that are almost shaded correctly.

5:33 is absolutely soul-crushing. you can see so much fear in his eyes, so much pain. a painting thats screaming in agony.

man, as a person with terrible memory loss, almost comparable to things like dementia/Alzheimer’s, this album and art doesn’t really scare me or sadden me like it does others.i relate to it a lot. sometimes in my vent art, my self portraits kind of remind me of these. memory loss is scary. it can make you question reality at times. this album was really well made IMO, and very accurately portrays memory loss and how it can degrade you.

If you look at his paintings from the early 90s, you will see that he liked to paint scenes depicting conversations and gatherings with his friends, family, and cats; sometimes with himself included. However the one constant across all of the paintings was his wife. Not only was she featured in every painting, but she would be positioned in the paintings in such a way that she'd be a point of focus. Many of the health professionals that worked with William theorized that his love for his wife and his emotional attachment to her were the only things keeping him rooted in the real world; in reality. Utermohlen wanted to remember his wife above all else, so he would purposely make her the center of attention in all of his works. This also suggests that Utermohlen must have been suffering from Alzheimer's induced dementia for quite some time before his diagnosis. It just breaks my heart; he and his wife must have loved each other greatly. Not only did Uternohlen lose his mind, but his wife witnessed it firsthand.

The last one kinda looks like he was desperately trying to remember who he was, and he got really irritated with it and gave up after only drawing a portion of the portrait.

I believe I had a sense of this, I was sleep-deprived with little to no sleep for three days in a 24hr CAD lab in an empty university working on coursework. During that time, I started to hear whispers, laughing and banging, when there wasn't a soul about, the brain trying to fill in sounds that were clearly not there at night. During the day, after drinking copious amounts of caffeine, my body could not sustain the lack of sleep anymore, rested my head for a brief moment, woke up abruptly in a 24hr CAD lab, with no sense of self, who I was, why I was here, what I was doing - it freaked me out and I started to panic. My now girlfriend who seen me couldn't understand what was going on, I couldn't recognise her, that I had a dazed look and it freaked it her out too. The whole episode took 40 minutes for me to start to recover, for my memories to ebb back again, scariest moment of my life. Never again.

Craziest thing: that last white image isn’t even his most horrifying one. 1 year later, he made another portrait that had no eyes or lower half on his face. *He then was a human vegetable for 6 years after that*

If you look at his art of what I think was his home, towards the last few years of it, you can see it go all weird and cubist and whatnot. I wonder if he just wanted to change his style a little or it was a sign of things to come.

imagine how it would feel, every year you lose a quarter of your memories, i feel so bad for people who have this disease, my great grandma had it, we also have alot of passed down diseases in our family, and my grandma's getting it now, this is scarier then alot of stuff i've seen, i listened to everywhere at the end of time myself, and like others, i cried at the end.

this video has more impact than the original one. Because it really shows the artist's artworks from when he was healthy and good at creating artworks to where he was struggling from remembering stuff and trying to bring that same creativity he had before.

As an artist, the thought of this happening to me one day is horrifying. I'm diagnosed with Autism, and I hear that autistic adults are typically more prone to Parkinson's, which can cause Lewy Body Dementia. Now, neither Dementia nor Parkinson's run in my family, but I can't help but feel scared. I already have quite a bad memory, so I'm not even sure if I'd notice something is wrong until it's too late. If I ever get diagnosed with Parkinson's, I'm probably offing myself right then and there before I develop Dementia.

The music is scary ... I don't want to forget who what and where I am

Stage 1: Okay, this looks good. Yup, it looks just like me. Stage 2: It's missing something. What's it missing? Stage 3: Something is missing. A lot of things are. Stage 4: Wait, what am I supposed to be drawing again? Stage 5: How do I draw? Stage 6: without description

The tone changes so goddamn heavy @2:09 dude, and idk if it’s how he drew out the face alone, but it gives me the heebie jeebees

Timestamps: 0:01 A1 - It’s just a burning memory 1:03 C3 -What does it matter how my heart breaks 2:09 D1 - I still feel as though I am me 3:10 E2 -And heart breaks 4:20 F3- Internal Bewildered world 5:30 G1 - Stage 4 post awareness confusions 6:32 N1 - Sudden time regression into isolation 7:30 P1 - Stage 6 a brutal bliss Beyond this empty defeat

My insight on the paintings: The first one looks like he doesn't realize yet, but something is wrong- he just can't put his finger on it. Something is present, but *where*. The second one seems like he's struggling to remember some things, and stumbling over words. I remember what I look like- right? He probably had some realization there Painting three looks like he finally realized his memories were slipping away. It must be a terrifying experience to realize your slowly loosing who you are. This painting portrays *pain* Painting 4 looks like a little bit of a happy spot. A glimpse into his memories. He's starting to get used to and accept him loosing memories. This happens with dementia patients and it's called the "bliss state" Painting 5 is him not even remembering what he ate for breakfast, having random people claim their his loved ones, the feeling that something **anything** is there but he just cant- he can't remember. He must feel so frustrated not being able to paint like he used to. As an artist myself I find this feeling deteriorating. Painting 6: pure chaos. He can't remember. Everything is so scary for him. He forgets how to express, how to eat, his own face- Painting 7: the whole world is unfamiliar and scary, like an infant but he can't even remember what happened a minute ago. Painting 8: ......

The fact that he died of pneumonia and not Alzheimer's yet almost everything in his mind had disappeared....

After listening to the whole thing and seeing the paintings, I think if I ever get diagnosed with dementia I would rather kill myself right then than go through that experience and die knowing who I am..

Going through all those years of learning just for it to fade away into a distrubed version of what once was.

4:20 "Don't ever buy no weed from the gas station, bro."

This is really disturbing

the album didn't really work out for me because i have adhd, so i have poor memory as it is. i couldn't remember what the songs were supposed to be, and hearing the songs again didn't remind me of what they once were, so i didn't really get to experience the disintegration of the songs.

I have a really bad memory, and i forget things easily and can get off track and get lost in my own world easily. My own world has been a company for me better then anyone else in my life, i could run away into the world in my head if a situation gets too uncomfortable for me, and to think that I might have dementia and lose all of that world.. i don't know if I'll survive for long if i do. Edit: not to mention, I'm an artist myself and i build the world in my head with my art in real life, if i lose that ability too, that's it for me.

In my genetics, I have a risk of diabetes, heart problems, asthma and other respiratory problems, and cancer. But I would rather have the risk of all of those rather than risk getting dementia. People always talk about the risk of getting cancer, but on your deathbed, at least you remember your family.

The last one... my god. It looks like a creepypasta monster, but the fact that this great painter would draw himself like this. He’s lost, he can’t even recognize what he sees in the mirror.

What's also scary is that his art skills not deteriorating back to drawing stickmen, he's still desperate to drawing an actual head. He still knew how to draw one, but he's just not able to.

step 1. live a long and fufulling life step 2: remember your daughters name why can’t i remember my daughters name ...

this is really terrifying honestly. to go from such skill to barely being able to recognise his own face in the drawings... if these were their own surreal art piece, i wouldnt be as scared. but to know the backstory of them being each stage of dementia and that he had to endure another 7 years after the last drawing is more scary than any horror game ive played.

Depressing fact: "it's just a burning memory" comes from the song heartaches in the verse "just a burning memory" which is considerated the most iconic verse on the song. Meaning stage 1 of EATEOT resembles how the protagonist's favorite song slowly fades away. Just remembering one verse of it.

i hate everything about this video. but yet, i cant stop coming to visit it everything single day.

You forget forgetting, it’s static. Static you try to understand, static that you try your hardest to remember. But it isn’t there, it was not there a long time ago. A memory burnt by the ambers of time and life. A memory that was once burning, but now it’s not even a memory.

These artworks are fucked up especially when you learn the process behind them; but the scariest part of it to me, beyond all else, is his writings. He struggled to write something like "I cannot write", and tried numerous times to write his own name. They most of all showed how scared he was. And how he didn't want to become what he turned into.

He looked into a mirror while drawing, and while doing so, captured his sadness during these times, and in each painting, getting more and more sad, until you can’t even recognize his face anymore.

This album reminds me of how slippery reality is. We construct our identity through our memories. Once those are gone, who are we? Were we anything to begin with? Is our construction of reality just an illusion?

The fact that this song keeps appearing in EATEOT makes me think that it represents a memory that the person with dementia is so desperate to keep, but every time they recall it it just keeps getting more distorted until it doesn’t even sound the same anymore.

That last one... He drew it... He had no idea who he was... He looked in the mirror, he couldn't tell who it was. And really, that's one of the scariest things of dementia... Forgetting who you are to the point to where you can't even recognize a human face

OMFG AT 5:30 YOU CAN SEE THAT IS CRYING AND I'M ABOUT TO HAVE AN EMOTIONAL BREAKDOWN

My great grandpa lived 103 years and he died with a completely healthy brain and body he could walk alone and talk completely fine and everything the only issue was with his ears didnt hear very well which is common for old people.

for anyone who didnt know, the last image wasnt actually his last one . his last self-portrait was this warped, sketchy and erased oval with a coffee stain on it to the point you couldnt recognize it was a head and an ear, and he only died 6 years later

Atleast he remembered to do the self portrait

*Its just a burning memory*

The only thing sadder than mourning the death of someone, is mourning the death of someone who is still alive

Alzheimer’s is one of the worst diseases in my opinion. It causes the patient to loose more and more of their mental awareness and cognitive function, making the patient a shell of their former selves. The most horrifying part about this is that Alzheimer’s is one of the most common diseases, mainly in America.

God, listening to ballroom music really puts me on edge now.

Dementia is terrifying. Forgetting everything is one thing. But losing your traits personality and mind. Scary to think about.

The second to last painting is especially sad because he was probably going to paint the rest of the background, but forgot to paint it.

What really interests me is that while the pieces start to get worse over time..... he was still able to know how to draw....

There is something deeply haunting with the last picture and its empty black eyes

This is upsetting to say the least, poor guy....Rest In Peace And now I’m sorry to say but because of this video I know that I don’t need sleep now, or ever.

3:09 who else got scared immensely at this

this made 10 minutes feel like 10 years.....it is horrofying

the final “portrait” just shook me to my core.

3:18, the fact a man with stage 3-4 dementia can draw a better self portrait than me, someone who has a photographic memory

Having these paintings as visuals of the mind of a dementia victim matched with the sound of dementia is...something else...so powerful

4:46 This scares me the most since he completely forgot where he put the face, and decided to add a new one lower

3:09 THAT SCARED THE SHIT OUT OF ME OH MY GOD

Its creepy how you can see the sadness and despair and confusion in his eyes.

My grandpa had alzheimer. I'm an artist and after learning more about dementia whenever I draw/make something I couldn't stop thinking the imagery of me in my old self doing the same thing but with empty mind and more confused. It terrifies me a lot

very terrifying knowing that it's irreversible,the only thing you can do is to accept it and wish for the best

"Please don't turn me into an oversimplified self-portrait!"

It's like trying profusely to keep a sand castle standing as the waves come crashing into it. Eventually, your mind gives in. The waves become too strong, your memories are washed away, and nothing is left for you to remember.

Imagine a confusion so thick you forget yourself.

Ok but can we talk about how good of an artist he was???? I wish I could draw like that 😪

That last image is just so depressing. Poor guy :( this whole thing is depressing, just watching him slowly fade away through his art

The last picture conveys what a fractured husk truly looks like. It's beyond terrifying

Dude despite that this guy forgot everything before he passed, his drawings still looks like they're well, what a person would look like. That's until I got to the very last stages. edit 2023 - dementia is horrifying and I feel like we should all take it more seriously.

The very last picture is absolutely heartbreaking

As soon as the music cut off and it reached the third image, I just felt my heart stop. Its so terrifying and sad at the same time.

This album taught me that forgetting is much worse than being forgotten.

Some people are saying the last images scare them the most. I really think the opposite. The second and third are too scary for me. Going through the process of beginning to lose yourself sounds horrifying, especially if it’s just the start. Imagine knowing you had dementia or Alzheimer’s and realizing that you will soon lose every good thing you’ve experienced.

the fact that he drew better than me even at the later stages in his life is actually impressive

my great grandmother had Alzheimer, she always forget even to eat.But he never forgot his grandson.My father was like her son,I never saw my dad cry so much

This is getting way too real. All I'm doing on RU-vid as of recently is looking up things about this album. This music and this disease is getting to me in ways I wouldn't have thought possible.

Ive watched so much about this that im actually afraid to actually get dementia in the age of 17

its sad to watch a memory slowly be erased...

Seeing William Utermohlen's art has always been sad to me, but combining his art with music from The Caretaker's "Everywhere at the End of Time"- I can't find the words to describe how it makes me feel. It almost makes me want to cry for my grandmother who went through dementia and all those out there who are going through it. If you ask most people what the worst way to die is, they would probably say something like being burned alive or some horrific, painful death. But I think dementia and A.L.S. (Lou Gehrig's Disease) would be way up on the list, because in both of disease, you're watching yourself slowly waste away- the difference is, with dementia, it's mentally, and with Lou Gehrig's disease, it's physically. I hope they find a cure for both of these diseases in the near future, so nobody would have to face them ever again.

I just shuddered seeing the last two pictures. Imagine creating all these memories for so long until at a certain age you loose all of it. And eventually even forget who you are, what you look like. It's so scary and frightening is there's a chance that same would happen to me too.

When your an artist and you get so un-motivated (serious tho that’s such a scary thing to be an artist and growing up to this.)

I write often in my spare time, if I ever get diagnosed with Alzheimer's I might try writing short stories regularly about it and see how they go from detailed story-lines to incoherent messes. Unless I kill myself after the diagnoses, I would never want to put my family and friends through that