This woman is a healthy, happy person and she delivers an important message. She is a brain researcher. What she says is backed up with tons of research. But the reaction she gets from the comments are people (the product of our civilization) with their own problems, perhaps case histories of the very thing she is talking about --- the result of lack of touch and body contact in early childhood.
Kitebuggy I am so sorry. I’m a hugger and I can’t imagine life without it... even if I’m the one doing all the hugging. It’s weird because I am a seriously shy person and barely talk to people and yet I feel so comfortable giving someone a hug. I would say that if you just want a hug, wait for a time when it feels right and have the courage to hug someone else. They probably want one too but are just too scared of your potential reaction.
Excellent talk. This woman is touching a delicate subject for northern cultures(Like the Europeans or the Americans), where human touch is less common than in southern cultures (Like the Latin Americans or the Africans) When a baby is born in Mexico, the extended family is there. And the baby is touched and carried by practically all the relatives. When a baby is born in a first world country, only the parents hold the baby. Most Mexican doctors will claim that this loving atmosphere is healthy for the baby. And here is a fact: There are less cradle deaths in third world countries than in first world countries. Sadly, I have met British and Germans who do not like hugs. In Mexico, every one hugs. It´s part of our culture, and We think it odd to see people who disdain a hug.
Most of the babies, at my orphanage, died from lack of touch. I survived because, I think, subconsciously, my body created eczema and had to be touched, daily. I survived. But I still insist in being touched daily by people who love me.
so what is the solution... for someone like me... neglecting parents, still not much more caring than when i was a kid, although they love. I'm someone who people cant be friends with me. I was bullied, i was neglected, I grew up not knowing how to properly socialize.
I grew up similar to that. Then I found my best friend who is ALSO incredibly socially awkward like me. When we first started hanging out, we were pretty neurodivergent in the same ways so we laughed so hard at each other's totally-not-funny-to-anyone-else jokes. I still have never laughed harder. We would hug. We would generally be loud teenage public nuisances together in malls and coffee shops, hogging up free samples and totally not getting social norms. Unashamedly screaming over anything with our favorite tv characters on it in hot topic and freaking out over dolphin plushies. But we needed it, and we loved it. I hope you find someone who's like you so you can feel that joy. What 'normal people' thought didn't matter at the time. Although we've grown up and learned to respect the way normal social interaction works and no longer make scenes out of our activities together we definitely got to live a little without shame for how we were raised. You deserve a good friend! Blowing off steam like that with her was the best thing that ever happened to me. We didn't know how to communicate exactly, but each of us knew what the other wanted. If one of us said something that could be taken as an insult because it came out wrong (it often did) we trusted each other enough to just laugh it off. It's NOT impossible to make friends when you're raised without being socialized the way you would have wanted.
I understand because I've struggled with relationships as well. What I've learned to say to myself when I feel this way "stop whining and do something about it. Your personality sucks? Fix it. Your attitude struggles? Fix it. No more excuses, stop being the victim and become the victor" Now how do i fix it? Treat it like a scientist, identify the issues come up with solutions for issues and put those solutions to the test. It takes time but if you really want it you'll succeed. Good luck.
I'm extremely lonely, deeply depressed and unhappy. I'm 26 years old and I've never hugged, held hands or received soft touch, even though in my mind I see that as one of the if not the most important things in life. I think my parents stopped touching me when I grew past carrying age. I've only experienced violent and rude touch. I don't know how to get close enough to someone so that they might softly touch me or that I could softly touch them. I'm reaching my end.
Ezra... please touch the Hand of God..for He loves you so much that He left His throne, to become God in the flesh...so that we would kill Him.. (the innocent dying for the sinner) and then after we killed Him.... He turns around and forgives us.... All for Love....and for us to enter the Kingdom of God... so, Ezra, dare to touch the Hand of God.... Jesus Christ....He loves you ! God loves you !
Ezra Bay any type of massage from a female really helps a lot...as does hiring an escort for an hour, have a routine or schedule, it’s like medicine at that point
I don't see how a massage or an escort would help. It's as much or more about the intent behind the touch as the touch itself. It's about being with someone who wants to be close to you and spend time with you because you're you, not because of monetary motives. To recommend paying someone for a proxy experience is like asking a lonely bullied kid why don't they just pay their classmates to pretend wanting to play with them for an hour.
Yeah, Western Civilization outlawed the human body generations ago. This left us only with words, and talking heads, which really don't work for developing and maintaining human health and happiness.
Sir Bob >>> These advisors often forget the practical side of the matter. If there´s an Animalpark or Aquarium nearby with dolphins and other kind of social animals then that´s a better idea.
Just watched this in March 2021 - one year into the COVID-19 global pandemic - and Helena Wasling's words are incredibly poignant. While I don't live alone, there are people who are very important to me that I have not been able to touch for more than a year! This is a huge social experiment going on around the globe and it will be very interesting to see what the aggregate effects of this lack of touch will have on human beings living through this period of history. Personally speaking, I can't wait until we're all vaccinated and I can start hugging (and caressing) those that I love!
Fascinating topic... I wonder if there are more talks about the solution to touch deprivation. Those who don't have kids or family, and no touch unless injured and in hospital.
I was using oxytocin nasal spray as I went over a decade without human contact. I am now friends with a woman but for the months before that the spray really helped.
here's a tip, 1. you can move somewhere you like or feel comfortable living in, 2. you could try to make friends by visiting areas you have not lived, or visited before, 3. you could ask the council you want help or want to move due to your circumstances.
I've not been touched for over 2 years. I long for a hug and a long cuddle, and would give anything for a day lying in bed next to someone who cared for me, and I cared for them. But it won't happen. I have too many physical, situational and mental health issues, which makes me unattractive to anybody. I'm 41 now, and I don't really want to see 42, to live in this touch deprived way for the rest of my life. To me, it's a life not worth living.
Or you would go to a bar and walk into a crowded group of people drunk as a skunk and go through the rigors of bar society with the added danger of abduction, rape, poisoning. This Cuddle Party exercise is actually a workshop teaching boundaries, which means you could go to a Cuddle Party and say "NO," "No Thank You," and "I don't feel like it," and not so much as shake hands with one person. People who go to these parties must be sober, respect boundaries and practice boundaries. Before anyone so much as sits beside you they must ask and receive an affirmative. If you are silent, it means "NO."
There's overweight guy comedians that everybody loves and wants to hug. There's also overweight guy singers that are famous, and overweight guys that have leadership positions and go around shaking everybody's hands. How about that? :)
Speak with toddlers. Honestly. They're the least judging person you'll find. Sounds weird like that, but if you say that you might need a hug and ask the kid if they're ok with that, and do it in front of the parent, then it's cool.
@@ezrabay4393 you will meet kind folk if you could volunteer 2 hours weekly to walk dogs at an animal shelter. I’m sorry your mom was preoccupied. You matter. You’re valuable. We are all alone in the silence. Animal shelter volunteers are kind, and your miracle will happen. People will befriend you. Service to others is like manna from heaven. It works. Please try.
Well, I am aplatonic (I don't experience attraction to anyone, even on a friend or familial level) and touch-repulsed. I haven't touched anyone more than a handshake in over 25 years. I don't like pets and haven't had one for over 28 years. I have no children, and no interest in having any. And I'm doing fine, thanks.
Connection snd relationship and even just knowing theres someone out there that you can embrace or be embraced by someone els can be insanely helpful. Were as otherwise without that support or love or sense of someone els out there that cares and that you can let your troubles out around I’m a guy k and ill say i cant speak for all of us but im so lonely and haven’t had any real relationship my hole life. Just a lot of people saying things and never showing the proof of what they were saying or said ever. Love became just a word an empty worthless lye. Call me any time of you need help i want you to know that i really care has become extremely painful and confusing and overwhelming thing. because there telling me they care but whenever i call or text with difficult problems to solve and really really want someone to brain storm with or debate my way through an issue with. only ignores or shuts down or patronizes me for trying to investigate something practically nobody els ever does. told to drop it cuz its better off left alone thats fine and dandy for them but personally for me when it comes to mental issues i’ve bin trying to cope with for the past 23 years or so. Only trying tp help whoever i can along my way with hopefully something i know enough a about to not get things twisted up like so many hasty bastards have before me people helping others understand or understanding these things myself is like life or death to me. This is what school should be all about i cant help myself thinking that we should be teaching history and psychology and how to find ones self and how to individuate are selves and how to handle failure in life and how to just let it go not dwell on any of it and keep trying and failing till you get it. Knowing just that one thing alone if it was even the only thing my parents taught me i would of went ten times further in life probably would of bin somebody. But nope im nobody
I suspect that the speaker has no idea about what giving birth is like. I mean, it is interesting research that has potential as an adjunct to pain management, but can not replace it. P.S.: if contractions stop during labor, it is called labor arrest, which can be fatal for the chil PP.S.: If a patient requests a type of pain relief, saying no is just unethical, and it is also illegal. This kind of things are usually discussed before labor.
That part might’ve been exaggerated. Or she has a really high pain threshold and is allergic to the epidural. Or you’re right and she made the whole thing up.
This topic is obviously very important and I'm grateful to the speaker that she touches this easily ignored issue, but I'm sorry to say that she's not a great speaker, if she were to deliver some content in 10 minutes, it would have been more condense and fun to watch
