I feel like we never speak about the issue of NOT actually meeting anyone, so many people struggle in manifesting one single date, they don't even have the opportunity to experience failure in relationship. It could be good to address this as well, as it is a reality for so many people even if they're socially active.
I've been in a similar boat my entire life. Most of the time I find it very difficult to even go on dates with anyone, let alone start a relationship. Sure I'm kind of a loner, I'd dealt with social anxiety most of my life which has mostly gone, but growing up with this issue really developed a mindset of scarcity, because it was just a thought, dating was and still is scarce. So it's very difficult to not be incredibly interested when someone does come along that you get a long with. I'm sure on the other side of the spectrum, for those that have had ease of access to dating their whole lives it's easy to think abundantly, but for us it is not as simple as just saying, oh there's a lot more out there for me, because in our entire life there hasn't been. So how do you change a mindset that is based on 17 years of life experience? It's not as easy as the flip of a switch and affirming that's for sure
I am not an expert by any means, but I think that these two emotions could be correlated. It´s exactly what Matthew has been talking about... you think you´ll get disappointed and therefore you don´t even give yourself a chance to like someone.
That’s right, and the more interesting your life has been, the harder it is to find someone who is enough. And when trying to be with people of less experience who’d be better with ordinary beautiful people who are less complex, that doesn’t work either.
This video came in the perfect time. Thank you for reminding us that we’re aren’t for everyone. A lot of shame comes from rejection but that shame goes away when we remind ourselves that it shouldn’t reflect our personal value.
Exactly what I feel lately. It's frustrating to go over the same experience again and again. It is hurtful to meet someone, get along, have same values and goals in life, build an amazing connection, only to end up alone without even a chance and with "I don't feel the same". The problem is you start to doubt yourself, your self-worth, start asking yourself what you could have done better. You lose trust in others and yourself. I do believe though that I have a lot to offer and I can be a great partner.
I don't like getting stressed out when it comes to this, so I prefer meeting people by my own pace and not when a timeline is set. (Before everything is over) Only when I feel ready to. And it's not always my fault either when I get passively or actively rejected. People/Girls also have a Problem with their unrealistic standards, emotional baggage, etc. So it's not always just me. It's a 50/50.
I'm a 30 year old woman, childfree/voluntary childless, a far-left socialist and feminist, proudly introverted and don't have a need for constant external stimulation, I feel like I don't value most of the things others my age value like traveling a lot (I view that as a form of escapism combined with hedonism, and it's ignorant due to the state of the climate); I value intentional/slow living and authenticity + transparent and assertive communication and high emotional intelligence - and it just feels like I'm trying to find a needle in a haystack. Most men I meet and see on the dating apps can't live up to any of these points, they aren't compatible with me; I get told a lot from guys that I'm not like the usual woman (???), that I'm "refreshing" and they want to date me cause I'm "interesting" or almost exotic in contrast to what they are used to, and it's honestly tiring cause they don't want to date me because their own values align with mine. Most people on the dating apps don't even write anything in their profile or about their values, if they do write something about themselves it seems to be the same f*** things as everyone else: I like to travel, I like beer, I like concerts, my family, sports or dogs followed by a long string of emoji's. I have been on tons of dates, and there is always something missing like physical attraction, incompatible communication styles, misaligned ideological views or lifestyles etc. I almost feel like giving up. I will though keep my head up and keep on going, and try to trust that there is also someone for me who lives up to my standards. He's just REALLY difficult to find. As an add on: One off the most frustrating things about this is, that while I'm trying to uphold my standards, and have spent years (10+ now) single, not able to find a compatible partner - I get to see all of my friends and people around me find partners, break up and find a new partners - most of them don't really think about having aligned core values or looking for other things than chemistry - but it just looks so easy for them, and I so envy the love they get to experience, while I stay single until I meet someone right for me.
hi, i think i am naturally similar to you. I am early 40s. I have been single 8 years now. I had 1, 1 yr relationship, but the rest of my life Ive been single. I would also like someone who is aligned but like you say the norm is people go for others based on how they feel and the chemistry. That seems to be all others are going for. There has to be a fine balance. We may want to try a different approach to dating for example. I seem to know a few women who started as FWB and ended up in many year long relationships, so it seems to be a gamble. I find that men if I am not physical with them on first date dont ever wish to go on a second date. I am really challenged by this as I love to inject some intellect and personality into my first date, its most often a mismatch. You are young still, stack up a lot of dates in a month, and then do your own call backs for those you may have potential for. For myself I go on one date a year now as I cant tolerate the mismatching. If you still have drive, I think really weeding through multiple matches would be the fastest way...plus ideally pre vett the match before meeting!!!
I'm 21 and felt depressed for being rejected 6 times in a row. For a while I thought that there was something wrong with me until I had the desire to work on my goals instead of having the pressure to look for a relationship. Now I'm feeling happy because I know that the right person will come in the future. If there is a young person like me reading this, please, ignore the pressure of finding a partner and start focusing more on yourself. You don't know where life is going to take you and I promise that you will meet the right person at the right time.
Hey! I'm 21 too. And I too got rejected by a person many a times who was an important person in my life since childhood days from school and i experienced that I gained an acceptance of who I am and what in am really late in life and he kinda destroyed everything and pushed me to the insecurities again. Yes as you are saying focusing on growth can only help. Hope you will also get that person soon ✨
@@nibeditarout9649 Thank you! And it's his loss. You are a great person and remember that it doesn't matter how many times you could try to impress him, if he is the wrong person it will never be enough. You are destined to find the right one in the future 😃.
I've been single and haven't dated for many years, you're right about not wanting to try anymore, too many times I've been told I'm not what they're looking for. But it doesn't make me feel unworthy or worthless. It just makes me feel uninvited. I've kept my sense of purpose, and still have some goals that I've accomplished. I've maintained my financial independence but the one thing I want to do is SHARE my life and just haven't met the one that will say, "Yes" to that.
I think one of the bravest things we can do in life is not compromise our worth, just because we’re afraid of being alone. I’m so exhausted from constantly being forced into my masculine yet shamed for not being feminine enough so I held his interest, and being told I literally deserves to come second in every way that counts in a relationship. After 6.5yrs of having a broken spirit, I don’t think I’d say I’ve given up. But I am exhausted enough, that I’ve completely retreated into myself and don’t want to date at all again because I just feel traumatised and I’m sick of feeling betrayed. I’m just happy to distance myself from men and reclaim my energy. I miss feeling safe enough to be feminine. Saw your dad and brother twice in London. Love your videos. 🖤
@@dinahn6955 Wow… reply is full of so many “you should haves” and pretentious “you probably don’ts” that I can’t seem to find significance of your comment. 🙄
I’m 42 and feeling very fatigued with dating. Came out of a relationship in March. Then a couple of months afterwards, met someone who lovebombed me and was a Narc. I haven’t the strength to go through the dating sesspool anymore. I’m off the apps for good. If I meet someone, it will be off line and in the real world. It’s mutual attraction. The men who want me-I’m not attracted in either their personalities or looks. It’s exhausting all this, just to have the basics. I’ve worked on myself and healed. I have a lot of love to give, I’m kind, caring and understanding and I think I’ll just be happy sitting in this uncomfortable phase of my life-concentrating on myself. I’m not settling for someone, just to have someone. I’m happy to wait until I find someone I really want to be with-and who wants me as much in return!
This all makes sense. One thing I have learned since my break up is I'm stronger than I ever knew. I'm also learning to make myself happy and I no longer need to completley rely on others to do that. I've discovered that I feel lighter and more engaged in my surroundings and I know I'm giving off a positive vibe now and it feels great. One day I'll meet someone but until that day I'll keep on being me.
But what about when it seems like it was easy for other people? some people find their person in high school, college, or on their first online date. Some people didn't have to experience countless rejections, bad relationships, and dates that go nowhere. That's what gets me down. Why must it be so hard for me but not for others?
Those are people pleaser that have a hard life. Imagine yourself in a hypothetical situation where you don't know your size shoes and you enter a shoe store to buy a pair for a long trip. If you pick the first pair you think is wright for your trip and gaslight yourself the shoes are the perfect one because you don't want to spend time trying other shoes, your are convinced that all other shoes none are better... then you either have a misery time on your trip (trying to adjust your feet to those shoes) or you drop them when you've had enough and walk bearfoot for the rest of the trip unless you waste time searching for shoe store along your route. Ignore others. You is what matters and you make the best decisions for youself.
It's hard for you because you try hard. It's easy for others because they were not trying at all! It just happened to them, because they weren't wanting, looking, obsessing, expecting, that is to say -- attaching to the outcome. So let go of the desired outcome and enjoy the process, it will get easy.
We all have "karma" that's why we are reincarnated into human form. Some have more " relationship" karma than others, yet others experience issues with fertility, health, housing ...that we may never experience. So, it's clique but we seriously ALL have our cross to bear. It's also astrology related. Most people who have experienced high amounts of romantic rejection have a natal chart that illustrates this. I.e. when they have a chart full of squares from Saturn to planets like Venus...Saturn being hardship and Venus being relationships etc. But I know what it's like. I once had a friend who just effortlessly picked up a boyfriend at the bar where we she went. She was never alone. People who have been married to just one person are spared the rejection of multiple dates but they also never experience other people so they miss out in their own way too...and believe me many of those types secretly wonder about what it would be like to be with another person!
5 years ago I had such an active dating life and I felt desired, but at the same time I was just miserable. I tried to fit the “perfect girl” stereotype and be as the men want me to be. Now I rarely have dates and feel like dating pool is very shallow, but I am the most authentic I have ever been and also my mental health is way better. Better to be authentic and not for everyone than a people pleaser and desired by everyone.
Same here. I am the best I have ever been with no one flocking my way and I am not even mad about it. When I was my most insecure I had men coming out of the woodwork.
The giving up on yourself that happens when you hit rejections is so true I didn’t understand how far I got from self respect or even what “self care” is. It’s treating yourself like someone who matters, keeping yourself healthy and improving mentally, physically, and emotionally. Great video! You’ve earned a new sub!
Being rejected after a date means that you are able to date, not being able to date is another problem. I have a date every other year at best, I think that hurts more than rejection itself.
I actually watched this video in a different context because I am struggling with health issues, but Matt reminded me to not give up and stay in the game “in the face of all the pain”. Thank you, Matt.
@peacemaker54 I feel if we can start looking at rejection as redirection instead. Sure rejection hurts our self esteem and we take it personal like something is wrong with us. But I've learnt that it's not about us, and those rejecting us has just shown us more of who we are and what we want, if we're willing to see the lessons. Sure let it hurt for a while, but if you can see the beauty in the pain, it honestly makes you so much stronger and see your self worth. Focus on yourself and your values and open that beautiful heart of yours. You will collide with that other person eventually x
And if it happens that you don't end up with the perfect match as soon as you wanted, at least you have your peace. For me thats sacred. I can put all my energy in creating a life with someone but not at the expense of my own standards or the potential someone may have. Of course when it comes to love you have to be flexible but not an idiot. All the love and strength, we are enough ladies.
This entire video describes me. I'm exactly like everything you've said in this video line for line. I'm Autistic so I've always struggled with socializing. I have been getting better as I've put work into it and tried really hard to be myself and be confident in myself but it's been hard and I've had a lot of failures and taking steps back. I've only had a handful of dates in my whole life and never had a relationship and I'm 30 years old now. I've always felt like I was invisible and worthless and unattractive and awful and no one wants me and no one will ever love me. I've always been a people pleaser and tried to be what other people wanted me to be and not be my true self and do what made me happy so no one really knows the real me. I've felt like quitting many times but something always pulls me back. I can't help it, I just want to be with someone so badly. It's what I want more than anything in the whole world and yet it's the one thing that I can't seem to get. I have to do all the things I can't do in order to get the thing I want most. I know I too am a specific kind of person and that line from your co-worker really hit me because it helps me realize that perhaps this isn't meant to be easy for me either. I really hope that one day I do find that special someone who just gets me and loves me for who I really am but now I understand it won't be easy.
Sometimes you need to be little angry/serious and say “no” . If you are the type of guy who say “yes” to everything; ofcourse nobody will want you brahh
This video came of the perfect time for me! I really needed this message. I have been facing rejection in my love life and job hunting. I was about to give up on my dating. Thank you for reminding me not to go into the cave/ stay stuck in survival mode!
Because of my age Because I'm not attractive enough Because I'm not smart enough Because I'm not successful enough Because of my body . . . All of the above.
Can’t tell you how helpful this was. I have been so discouraged by dating, and my friends and family (while well-intended) tend to make me feel worse about it all. This video expressed EXACTLY how I feel, and the new perspective you offered instantly changed my mindset. Going to get back out there. Thank you Matt ❤️
rikki7953, I feel you! And yes family and friends sometimes don't help, especially the kind that want to say "Well maybe there's something you need to work on, what can you improve in your life? Could you try to be more attractive?".... Because feeling more insecure about myself is precisely what is going to make me a magnet for healthy relationship with a respectful person--NOT! Always thinking it's my fault if things aren't going right has only invited manipulators and abusers into my life.
This is the Matthew I love. This is Matthew at the top of his game. Hi everyone, Did you ever say or hear someone say, "She is such a nice person, she gets on with everyone" Listening to Matthew, it must mean she is probably a people pleaser. Also, that must be hard work feeling you need everyone to like you.
@@zinedinezidane4771 Then she's a robot because nobody gets on with everyone. In an ideal world that would be great, everyone gets on, big smiles on everyone's face but life isn't like that. That's why there is bullying in schools, neighbour disputes, divorces etc etc, nobody can get on with everyone. Then there is the Green Eyed monster, Jealousy, I have had that in my career & it's not good but F##k them that's what I say. If people can't be happy for people's success then I don't let them into my life. This actually is a massive topic & I love that you have messaged me. If we were all the same it would be boring, wouldn't it? BUT I do wish there were nicer people in the world, fedup of seeing the news & the majority is bad news. Trying to get on is different to actually getting on, trying means people would fail, it's a facade and me personally I like real people.
@@zinedinezidane4771 think actually the meaning of a people pleaser is that you cannot agree with everyone everytime, sometime you have a different opinion than others but is what you do after this point that differentiates who is a people pleaser from who is not. If you disagree but stay silent it means you are afraid of what others will think about you, because you are afraid of confrontation. But this is a big red flag representing insecurity, so that is why is not okay to be a people pleaser, because if you are like this your identity depends on what others think of you and your wellbeing is based only on others' thoughts and opinions
@@giacomo7701 hey, thanks for your response. But not sure what it your response is to from my message. I was just stating some are just nice and yet are not people pleasers :)
@@zinedinezidane4771 yeah, sorry you are right, i was not clear in my response. It is important to find the difference between a people pleaser and who is not. In the end what is fundamental is to know and understand who you have in front of you, so it is completely possible that the person that you meet is not a people pleaser, he/she is simply gentle with everyone but when it comes to ask for respect or saying an opinion he/she is willing to do it
Thank you for this video! I really needed this message 🙏. After 3 years single and failing with every person I dated, I'm starting to lose hope, but this helps me to keep believing in myself. A huge thanks ❤
Hello Matt. A pyschologist who works with romantic relationships here. I liked this video, encouraging. Your style is also supporting. There are two things I wanna question in your approach though. First one is, are you rejecting the idea of mate selecetion criteria in nature and in human beings? Being rich, being physically attractive, being smart, high social status, being confident etc. Aren't people still looking for them in different levels in their partners? Even if it's not a numbers game like you say, even if we actually need to find right partner, not every partner, isn't that right person still looking for somethings in us? What if we don't have them? And the second issue is, I know this video is for being inspiring and encouraging people. So it has to have a narrative. But it sounds like there is going to be a happy ending for everyone, regardless. Like a guarantee. As long as we keep going with this journey, like after 50 rejection, the 51th certainly will be for us. Or after 100, 101th, doesn't matter. When I watch this, I feel like you are guaranteeing the happiness for everyone regardless, as lon as they keep going. I don't know, it doesn't seem realistic. It may happen for many like you say it's gonna work, but it also might not work for some, even if they keep going with 100 rejections and moving on to 101. I don't know. Cheers.
Good points here. I guess the message is if this is something you want not to give up. Although it may not be the best message as if it is seriously effecting your mental health it might be an idea to take a break or accept this path may not be for you.
Going through yet another rejection. So tired of how that feels, time after time. My self confidence is shattered. I'd like to try again, but I don't know how, and don't think I can.
This is everything! 🙏❤️ Went into my „cave“ 32 years ago and am finally ready to come out but am terrified of all the work and rejection. Thanks for giving it a wonderful perspective 🤩🤩🥰
Ditto. And be prepared, it is more difficult that the toughest job ever. So far, I'm teetering between going back to my contented self (alone) or facing rejection rapidly. I hope I have figured out to trust my instincts faster and better -- and to trust them. Like any good salesperson knows, you'll get at least 20 'no's before you get one yes.
This video has a perfect timing... the guy I have a crush on has been pulling away lately and I think the cause is another girl, that he likes more than he likes me. I feel like once again I was not enough. But as always, your video can help me to switch perspective and understand that his avoidant behaviour is not enough for me. I don't wanna lose hope. Thank you Matthew, your content is gold ❤
Matthew, I have e-mails from your newsletter starting from 2012. I was almost 18 years old and really interested in relationships. Now I'm reaching 30, after a 8-year relationship and a huuge heartbreak, still here and watch your videos. You are a huge value to us, what you are doing is incredible
Thank you, I have gone on so many dates in the past two years after my marriage ended. Many people I rejected upon meeting and many rejected me. Finally thought I had met someone, opened up to him, and got heartbroken. After being married to someone who had severe PTSD and couldn’t love me, thought maybe I had finally met the one. I know my value now, Im sporty and fun and intelligent but this recent breakup made me think maybe I should quit. I do want to be loved in this life so I am not going to give up. This was so encouraging, it may take a bit but it will be worth the wait in the end. 😊
For some of us the chances of rejection are simply statistically higher, and we know it. Single moms for instance-men just don’t want the responsibility or complication of dating one, let alone committing to one. There are far fewer people in the pool to be rejected by or to reject. My own experience bears this out. Widowed suddenly at 34 with 2 young kids. Now 4 years later, and yes, the constant rejection- plus a greatly diminished pool of appropriate mates to even consider-I’ve completely given up and who could blame me?
Hi MC, completely given up? Why do you think that way??? You’re only 38. You have your whole life ahead of you, don’t give up on love, love comes when its our time to find it. We’re in this life to experience and Learn then tweak what we need to, to be go onto the right path. We are all a work in progress and live experiences help to mold us into better versions of ourselves! I’m also a single mom, filed for divorce when my son was 14 months, he’ll be 30 this month; I’m 20 years older than you and I have not given up on love. I know he’s out there somewhere, we all need to work on ourselves to be the best version of ourselves. Maybe we need healing, or to open our minds and see the bigger picture, something. No one is perfect and we can’t focus on trying to find the perfect man But the perfect man for us. Maybe you just need to put yourself out there, in different places where you’ll come across larger variety of people. Where more people are able to see you. If you having kids is their problem then they aren’t the right person for you. Of course be cautious you have small kids and predators are everywhere so Beware. Listen to your gut feelings, your intuition. But don’t give up because when you do your walls will go up and you won’t be able to see the person that is right for you…. Many times it’s when we stop looking that things start happening… also pay attention to the energy you project. Try meditation or something that can help you clear any negative energy, thoughts, and/or any self criticism and bring positivity in, smile more, pay attention to your facial expressions as you may be projecting something that isn’t and it can be misinterpreted by others. Just somethings to think about…. Remember a person is old when they’re 90 something, not 30 something… think about it this way you have about 50-60 more years to go! Be optimistic! Raise your vibration! I don’t normally respond to posts but your message caught my attention and felt I needed to reply. Take care. PS: I have dated throughout the years but when i start seeing red flags I’ve ended it. Don’t settle.
I can't breathe. I don't breathe. I am paralyzed with frantic terrified panic. I am submerged in darkness. I am breathless and lonely and so very alone. Debilitating paralyzing panic attacks. They are almost constant. I can't find escape or relief. Anguished. Haunted. Panicked. In despair. The pain is unbearable. I drowned in terror and darkness. Nightmares all night. Panic attacks all day. This happened to me in February, and now we're in June... His name is Bryan. I thought he was my best friend. He betrayed and abandoned me. Replaced me. Discarded me. Like garbage. Gave me sever PTSD. So... I release all chords, hooks, ties, and attachments to him specifically, and also generally: to any person, place, or thing, on any time continuum, that is no longer for my highest and best good, and healing... I release all of these things now, and forevermore, and I watch them dissolve into the nothingness, from which they came... Thank you, thank you, thank you - IT IS DONE! 🙏 And here are 13 gentle and urgent reminders: 1. You're ALWAYS exactly where you are supposed to be 2. Self-esteem is measured by you (nobody else gets to decide your worth) 3. Get rid of fear: FOREVER!!! 4. When things are tough, change the way you see things... 5. Don't dwell on/in the past (come back to this present moment!) 6. It's only temporary (all of it!) 7. You have what it takes 8. You don't need to change 9. Release your need for control 10. Accept. Allow. Breathe. Deep. 11. Remember where you came from 12. Remember that you are not alone (not ever!) 13. Remember who you are GOD has a purpose for your pain, A reason for your struggle, and a reward for your courage/bravery/faithfulness... Trust and never give up. 🙏🏽
The worst part is when you find that person, where you feel connected on another level, it hurts so much when the view is not shared, it's devastating, it' ruins the mood and will to carry on, it's a no bother anymore, if it happens it happens, but i'm done being rejected, i'm done taking chances and i'm done thinking it can improve. I don't have the energy, the will to make any changes, I would say like Pink Floyd - I've become comfortably numb.
Thanks for your words Matthew. They really do help. I have been listening to your stuff for months after having gone threw a painful rejection. Im a trucker, and there were days where i was just driving. The music is on but I cant hear it, im lost in my mind as im driving staring at the road. Thinking of the two years spent building somthing that i thought would be forever. I felt lost and like all the feelings and thoughts in my mind were out of order. So i decided to turn the music off and find somthjng i could listen to as i drive that could help to motivate me to get threw this. I eventually found one of your videos. Then i listened to another. After that I started listening to one on everyone of my night drives. The more i listened the more it felt like the puzzle that was in my mind was being put back together. Thank you so much for all of the videos you have made. I always look forward to watching the next. Also im in a better place now thanks to your assistance. Im still working on some stuff but im getting there.
I have been rejected nonstop over past 16 years or so. I dont fear rejection. I wonder what would happen if someone actually said yes. 😅 But it surely destroys your soul and burns you out.
The more I listen to Matthew The more I believe him and the more I love this channel and his style and authenticity. I loved this video because I just got rejected from someone I thought was really special. But this gives me hope that there really is someone for me and it doesn't have to be the one that rejected me and I haven't met My guy yet. But I am willing to try. I'm willing to stay in the game.
I joined a dating app last month after 9 years of being single. Got messages from about 20 guys but they all fizzled out except one. Going on a second date with him next week. So fingers, toes and teeth crossed.
I feel like because I listened to this. I have changed as a person and became someone who is not scared and will take the next opportunity no matter how it may impact me.
Thank you thank you for posting this! It's perfect timing. I was dating this guy for about a month then I addressed an issue that I thought needed to be discussed about. And he ghosted me... I don't understand why he didn't like to communicate the hard stuff/ the important topics.
Same happened to me..but honestly it’s not you stop wondering! I’m happy that he ghosted me and don’t talk to me..show how immature he is 😅be immature with someone else mate not me :)))😂😊
hi Matt! Very much enjoyed your videos and your input. my experience, with this is even more challenging; I am 61, in decent shape, pretty, decent looking, comfortably, retired. Been married and divorced once, just out of a long-term, 13 year, relationship. Life has thrown me a curveball, and that I am now almost completely blind. I hear the every day Joe complain about the fears and concerns of rejection and feeling invisible, I can certainly echo those exponentially. This feeling has kept me out of the dating game now for far too long, just not sure where to go from here. Want a good long-term relationship, but don’t like the feeling of being viewed as damaged goods.
But the reason I listen to Matthew is because what he says rings true, it makes sense and he’s a kind and understanding person. There are many confident coaches on RU-vid who are just full of nonsense and bad attitudes, lack of compassion and humility. That’s why I care to listen to Matthew. It’s not so much about confidence. However, if you have great ideas and great plans, you can let’s those ideas make you feel confident and hopeful.
My mental health has taken an absolute bashing because of so much rejection, that's why I'm not doing it anymore, my confidence is second to none, I know I'm attractive, funny, the kinda woman a guy wants....I've put myself out there....but no one is interested simple.....so now my confidence and everything that makes up the woman that I am is mine.. guys have had they're chance,
I’m having trouble finding an all around man that’s interesting AND ATTRACTIVE. I’m certainly not perfect but consider myself a great catch. The men I’ve met are not that attractive. It seems that they don’t try hard enough to look their best at my age, so I tend to go a little younger. My dating pool seems very small. Loved this video ❤
@@ShadowbannedAccount Every person wants and values different things. I think we all have the same basic needs like compatibility, friendship, fun, independence, similar interests, attraction, charisma, chemistry. I’m older (54) with 1 teen going off to college and one more in the house. Maybe that’s the problem. Dunno
@@susanparkes5096 I know. I would still like a man that’s well rounded and makes the effort. Like Matthew said, it’s probably me. I need the help probably!
Have been following Matt for a while, I think the core of this is the emergence of dating apps, and change of behavior among men. If I have a daughter now, will tell her to find a good guy and marry early.
I'm tired of investing time meeting someone and that end up nowhere. Despite being frustrated , I keep going with my life, trying to eat healthy, hit the gym, keep my mind busy. But to tell the truth it's been harder and harder.
Hi Matt, please make a video on where single women could meet decent men. I don't want to meet men at clubs or bars, or online. There are good men out there but where? There should be a retreat for singles only.(you could host this) Where you meet and maybe find true love❤Thank you
I wish there was a cafe out there somewhere exclusively for straight singles. Like you could go there and have an expectation that you'll meet a single guy there. Does this exist?
This brings me to tears. Thank you for the beautiful insights. I am tired of trying and the fear has grow bigger. Hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel ❤
I’m not afraid of rejection, I’m afraid of success . The only time I let a man know I liked him and he disappeared, my first reaction was ‘what a relief!’😅😮 How to date if I hate the idea of dating apps and when men approach me in real life it takes 3 seconds for me to understand if I like them or not (for many reasons, not just appearance, but the word they use, their body language, jokes etc).
@@zoetsahai life is tough when you know yourself well and also can read people. Everyone keeps telling ‘but you need more time to know them better’ and any time I decide to know them better my disappointment grows even more. I don’t like wasting my time and their time 😞
Thank you for this video. I watched this to get a sense why i get attached to a man that offers all the traits but then long term I can not be with him.
I agree. Not just the young though. I'm 42 and it helped me. Wish they made a dating site that connected individuals that were seeking this type of information. Just shows they are trying to grow and be better. God bless
I've met this girl during jury duty by sheer chance. Before seeing her, talking to her, and spending some time by her side something changed in me. For the first time, I saw myself in the future. I envisioned great things happening with someone by my side... Then my bubble burst when I learned that my feelings were not mutual. Now Im left wondering how couldve I been so utterly naive and stupid. Im trying to move on, keeping myself occupied but the image of her keeps haunting me.
Not even as a friend? Becoming a friend first to most women is a way of demonstrating your self-confidence. Funny how things can change over time (on both sides). Love at first sight is nonsense and fantasy. It's amazing what perspective might do after each of you have had more time to reflect on reality vs. fantasy.
I was just saying to someone yesterday that I am a unicorn searching for another unicorn... the search for the right partner isn't supposed to be easy! 👏
Thank you for this! I needed this! I’m almost 31 years old and I can honestly say that I’ve never been in love (I’ve never had a boyfriend and I’ve never kissed a guy). I have feelings for someone right now that he’s married with a newborn son, he has two other women vying for his affection and he’s a total flirt. The three guys that I liked before him were all unavailable. The first guy was gay, I had a hard time accepting it which resulted in us falling out and he ended blocking me on social media for three years; Unfortunately, that experience caused me to close myself off from every man (including male friends and colleagues) and I didn’t come to that realization until I started my current job when my crush and two of my other male colleagues who I work more closely with than my crush have been nothing but kind to me.
Yes but we can still push it away. I was with my person for eleven years and never stopped loving him. But I lost my sense of self worth and without that I couldn’t maintain the relationship. So not sure where that leaves me other than feeling broken
@hummingbird4934 I can understand that would have broken you for sure. Amd I'm sorry it was so painful for you. But me personally, I don't believe we lose our self worth or sense of self if we are with the person meant for us. The person for us, and us for them, will add to your already amazing sense of self worth and want to work through things and recognise their patterns, they'll be ready.
Thank you, Matthew. I really loved this video. Your honesty and trustworthiness keep me coming back for more nuggets of wisdom every week. You have truly changed my life and I just can’t thank you enough…and I haven’t even gone to one of your workshops, but I have joined you online numerous times. A big thank you to your entire LoveLife team!!
A lot of things aren’t an insecurity, they are fact. As Matthew has gotten older, I am pretty sure all of his girlfriends have been much younger than him. Please do not gaslight women into thinking that ageism and unrealistic beauty standards in dating are just an insecurity.
you're really good at describing or phrasing an idea to help me crystalise thoughts i have that i've never properly brought into focus. im not 100% convinced though that finding someone is 'all worthwhile' like you say. maybe thats fear..but it just feels like im not that fussed about it. good either way.
Well I'm at a point where I dun care and I can't bring myself to care about new people, cuz it was all meaningless before. No matter how close we got, when things got bad, instead of trying to fix it they just leave or give up on the friendship... and I become the only one who tries harder to fix it.. and when I realise that, I distance myself but they don't care too.. so it all ends. so it feels very meaningless cuz... no matter how close we get, as soon as there's a problem it just ends after 2 or 3 more problems. All in all, it's all meaningless so idc anymore. but I do take care of myself and spend more time with family and do what makes me feel good, there's nothing much though, I feel like there isn't much things that make me excited anymore, just a few things and spending time with family is one of them.
I like to come here to remind myself what positivity, energy and what hope looks like. I do like what you are saying but I fear its not for me in the end.
Matthew, thanks so much for the advices! I leave the video with two of the great ones (I'd try to quote you): 1. Project positive energy in spite of being in pain, 2. You're not for everybody and, if not, you're doing something wrong, and 3. Remain in the game (the hardest one for me because I've come to accept that maybe dating it's not for me). Well, hope you come to South America soon and thank you again for just finding the right words. Good luck! 😊
Great video, just one thing though: Not only the people who come to your retreat really value your work. Me for instance would love to come, you've helped me a lot over the years, thanks to your videos I managed to end sth last year that was very painful, etc. It's just that I can't afford the trip to Florida and the retreat. So please keep in mind that a lot more people do really appreciate your work 💜
Please Matthew make a video about finding someone who is interesting! I find it hard to find someone who interest me and if there is something the guy tend to be intimidated by my life and how I do things. I often hear by friends ‚there is no place for someone and therefore you don’t find soneone‘ But that’s not true. I would make space if I’d meet someone who’s worth it
Thanks so much!! Your videos always come at the right time! The right man for me is out there! Just live life and keep trying! Never give up at anything in life! ❤
Hey Matt! Just wanted to let you know that I absolutely love watching your videos and listening to you. Your truly one of the most knowledgeable and experienced speaker when it comes to dating and relationships. And although most of you videos are usually targeted for a female audience I still connect to it on a deep level. And I really hope you make more videos meant for guys and girls in general. And once again keep doing what you do. Sincerely M.J
The "happiness" with that confidence I take it is the true and deep contentment with your present and potential future, rather than the draw-on smile that covers up the mind virus of doom and hopelessness
