The feminine urge to live in a commune I think is actually very much the human urge to just live in a walkable community where your friends are regularly in the same spots again and again cuz you live, work, learn, make art, do errands, fail, and help each other. I don't think men are consciously thinking about it as often, but I think they want it too. There's a reason so many people miss college and even a reason why so many children love books about, say, magical boarding schools. Humans evolved to live in small communities. American culture is just so individualistic that we wish to choose everyone in that community rather than stay in the one we're born into, which makes sense until you realize that I have different friends than my best friend has, and she has different friends than our other friend has, and eventually the commune is just a city again.
Agreed! I think a major factor in our dispersed friend circles nowadays is that it's become very common for people to move away (for college, work, lack of housing, etc.) which forces us to start new friendships that are disconnected from our existing friendships. The "walkable community" was easier to access in the past, when it was much more common to stay in one town (and even stay in one job) and be able to establish long-term relationships and tight friend circles, like those in a college dorm or commune. Now, I feel like we're all just going where the wind takes us (sometimes due to individualism, sometimes out of necessity) and this makes it that much harder to make and keep quality friendships that don't need a lot of effort to maintain. Trying to juggle multiple, unrelated friendship circles in different locations is exhausting. I think that's why communal living sounds so alluring- it's the idealized, low-effort version of having your best friends all in one place, and them also being friends with one another without you having to corral them... Oh, plus the added benefit of sharing housing costs rather than paying an arm and a leg for rent 💸💸
Watching from Ukraine. It's 11 pm here now, and I only am 26 minutes into the video, but I need to go to bed, so I'll have to finish it tomorrow. Love your takes on the topics, ladies. Wow! Watching scary movies on a treadmill!!! I can see how it could be distracting and motivating! I'm Caroline's RU-vid channel's faithful viewer. I only recently discovered this podcast, though. I love it and always look forward to it!!! Thank you for making my day, dear Caroline and Jess! Good night! And a great fulfilling day to you!!! Hugs!
Oh god, thank god not everyone is doing it, Jess. My dad kissed me on the lips a couple of times and it felt idiotic, like what the fuck. There has never been anything that would suggest my dad intended it in any sick way. I don't feel violated or anything, but it is just so uncalled for and stupid and like what was that? I was not traumatized at all. Nor did I feel sexualized for a second. It's just annoying and mixing up the love communication codes. Kisses on the lips are for lovers only! But, instead of reporting my own opinion on a parental lip kiss, I think it's more important to teach kids (and adults) to communicate what they are ok with and what they don't like without feeling guilty or cold. There is nothing wrong or rude or cold saying "I don't like to be kissed on the lips, please kiss me on the cheek only" and that's the kind of kisses I have for my parents and siblings and friends.
Babies usually kiss on the lips when they start the "kissing" thing. My daughter did that till she was 8-9 and kissed even her best friends on the lips. Of course, I told her it was an intimate gesture and gradually she started being "colder". I remember seeing a friend of mine kissing her mother on the lips when she was 10 and I found it sooo strange. Then her mother suddenly died 2 weeks later from a leukemia and I stopped judging people around their HEALTHY language of love.
Agreed. It's just habit. How cute and affectionate is it for babies, they want to kiss? Sometimes they don't grow out of it. I was almost 50 before my mom died and she always said that (and I think this is true for most parents), your kid will always be your "baby" no matter how old.
Re kissing on lips, I think it’s largely generational. I am 60 (fine, 61, dammit) and my parents were way old when I was born (I’d add numbers but feel I might dox myself…because I’m so well known and all 😂). Anyway, my father (older than my younger but still old mother by 15 years) was a kiss on lips-er and he wasn’t really a demonstrably affectionate guy. But if there was a perfunctory peck, that’s how it worked. And my mother too, though maybe not as much. I suppose it’s kind of weird and it’s not an umm “tradition” I continued, but I’m also here to be one of people you can make fun of for saying “it wasn’t THAT strange and definitely not sexual”. Side note: many people allow their dogs to kiss (fine, lick!) them on the mouth, so you know…okay fine , no comparison! 😂
I’ve read kissing children on the mouth introduces harmful bacteria into their mouth too soon and can mess up their teeth. So I think “no kissing kids lips” is the best policy.
Sometimes I feel like you guys must have mics set up in my therapist’s office because you’re always touching on something that deeply concerns me about society and/or myself. Except it’s funny and makes way more sense than my ramblings about how we need more connection. Thank you for getting me. TEAM COMMUNE 💯
Girls!!!! I am one of the rare gems. My mom always attempts to kiss me (daughter) on the lips when saying bye or whatever. It makes for an awkward head tilt (by me) and she kisses my cheek instead, but she always does her lips like she is ready for a quick peck. Also to add, she is 61 so most likely a older generation thing. Sigh… lol!
I'm a scared little baby and I also LOVE watching scary movies for the thematic depth. I'm very picky and try to avoid all the shallow, violence-based horror films, and it's worth it to find the gems. Midsommar and The Babadook are two favorites, along with Get Out and Us.
I really like Gene because of Gene Kelly and Gene Hackman, Hackman specifically as Lex Luther. The only names that would be a hard no for me would be anyone sharing the same given name as a family member of mine.
Only 5 minutes in, my grandmother-- who was born in 1922 -- kissed us on the lips. It's something that people from a certain time used to do. I think it was common in her time. It felt weird and would move my mouth, but it wasnt a sexual thing (i was grossed moreso because she could be eating and still wanted to respectively kiss you). I respcted her, so i did it. She was very sweet and I miss her dearly. I rarely see kissing on the lips anywhere nowadays tho (unless there are toddlers involved or adults in relationships)
I remember being really young, 6 or 7, and my father recoiled from my kiss on the lips. I remember feeling a bit confused and upset but I was little so just continued to exist. Don't know the implications it had in my life for sur, but I was never the girl that would make out with guys. I was really reserved and only kissed a boy I felt safe with, that I knew didn't just want to make out but actually "like liked" me 😅
I was one of those "kiss your family on the mouth" people and I think (hope?) that I'm normal lol. I think it comes from my great grandmas who were just super affectionate, and maybe everyone just passed it down. It's not something that you would do with just any family member though, it's more like just parents, little kids, and grandparents. I can't really explain it to other people, but I just never thought it was weird because it was always so pure of heart!
My family is from Europe, and we all kiss each other on the lips (pecks, just to be clear). I think it's pretty common practice outside the US, at least in most Euro and Latin cultures. My in-laws (Americans, in their 70s) also grew up with this, but stopped as they got older because it became socially awkward. When they found out my family kisses each other, they embraced it, so now they each greet me with a peck on the lips, and I think it's sweet. Also, I don't remember ever having a problem with it as a kid or being confused about when it was appropriate and when not. I think modern-day culture (especially American culture) is so quick to oversexualize behaviors that aren't necessarily sexual or even sensual.
@@lb-xl1yp I understand your point about not liking these things as a kid, and that's absolutely valid, but at the same time, I don't think we should judge or sneer at people who are comfortable doing that within their own family. I do think it's important to encourage kids from an early age to advocate for themselves and say "I don't like that, I would prefer this instead" (as in, "Can we skip the kisses and just do hugs?"). I grew up not liking meat amongst a family that were proud meat eaters, but I learned early on to politely decline and deflect ("No thanks, but I'd love another scoop of those yummy mashed potatoes!"). Sorry if the comment about "oversexualizing" read as being directly pointed at you/your comment; that was not my intent. I meant it as a critique of US culture in general, which is notoriously puritanical in it's cultural "values," so much that people are ashamed to discuss those things openly, and instead end up exploring their curiosities in the shadows (ie heavy porn consumption, high teen pregnancy rates, and yes, also inter-family sex abuse). It does seem like this is changing with younger generations, but that also seemed to be the case in the 60's and yet, here we are 🤷♀
I'm apparently disgusting in more than one way. In no way do I feel that kissing is sexual. I get that other people do...I kiss my mom, dad, grandparents, kids all...on the lips...ooops. it just never seemed wrong or weird to me I guess.
you should kiss how and whenever you want to kiss. it certainly does not have to be sexual (we know that). reminder that this, and 99% of hot takes on this pod are hyperbole and jest. (for example, no i do not **actually** believe that owning a v-neck means you are a man unworthy of continued life. but hyperbolic hot takes are a love language to us). I hope this didnt upset you, we mean it with love and laughter
Oh my God I couldn't stop smiling and laughing at the kissing your parents/kids on the mouth. I 100% agree with you two. So good to know that I'm not alone feeling extremely inconfortable with that. This episode was peeeerfect. Kisses (on the mouth) from France !
So I‘m German and I just learned a new word: fender bender. Don‘t know if I spelled this correctly, didn‘t and still don‘t really know what it means but now I find myself randomly saying it to my boyfriend or to myself. Is it like an Auffahrunfall? Obviously I could google it but I won‘t because to me a fender bender is what Timothee Chamalet is to Caroline. Don‘t know how to spell him either. Great episode as always
Nooo, a daughter kissing the mom on the mouth is *_most_* likely, not _least!_ 😂 I hate kissing my children on the lips (or rather everyone, tbh. I'm a saliva phobe). But my daughter (6) always wants to do it!! 😂 (Edit: I'm the mother.) About the hugging: I even ask my children & husband if I may hug or kiss them. For me that's a absolute basic/obvious.
For context, I'm a girl, born in 1979. I grew up kissing both of my parents on the lips but only while I was a little kid. I think it stopped around 2nd grade, naturally. Like no one had to think about it, it just became something we didn't do. I think that's kind of when I started transitioning from being a baby/toddler into a kid. And by 4th grade, I think they say you really start getting a peer group and developing an identity that's not part of your parents. I will say I was never forced to kiss my parents on the lips. It was just how we expressed intimacy when I was a little kid.
Jess, I have a friend named Jessica (Dżesika in Polish) who always sings "Oh-oh Jessica" instead of "Oh-oh here she comes" in "Maneater" by Hall & Oates, feel free to steal that!
True story: I know of a church where the men kissed a men on the lips and the women kiss the women on the lips. There's a church 1 to 2 hours from where you possibly live. I was thinking I could find their schedule and we could meet up and you can watch lol. Better yet I don't want to see it (although I would love to meet you) so I could get you their schedule and you could sit in your car with binoculars and watch....😅
I would happily join the commune! How about a male commune right next door? Ya know, like those medieval nunneries & monasteries used to roll? (See, history can be fun & spicy once you get past the boring stuff they teach in school)😂
I’m with you on kissing thing, I dread seeing my parents as my step Dad, (80+)always tries to plant a wet one on me🤢, (50+)and somehow the ducker often manages, despite my best efforts to avoid, and the retching and vigorous mouth wiping it induces, I’m dry heaving just telling this story..
My favorite Office episode is Stress Relief Pt. 1 and Pt. 2. Where Dwight sets the office on fire and then the roast of Michael Scott. The best! I need to watch it now! 😂
shameless love for the product. i was very resistant, someone actually gave them to me as a gift - otherwise idk if i ever would have tried it. but damn do i appreciate someone who made bras comfortable for the first time in ever
Tell Caroline that I truly love the accessibility red light shortcut for the iPhone and I use it every night and I would have never known about it if she hadn’t mentioned it in an episode a while back. Was mostly commenting because I too loved Bernard and had a huge crush and didn’t want Jess to feel alone ❤ you girlies
That microphone perspective makes you look like you would fit in a matchbox Caroline. Thank you for genuinely making me laugh out loud, I needed that today.
My grandparents were lips kissers, and thus.. so were my parents. Won’t be continuing with my children lol. (I just found yalls podcast and I been listening all day while packing 😂 y’all have been crackiingggg me up.)
Every time Caroline says "90 minute movie" I hear it to the tune of SNL skit "Short Ass Movie" which always pops into my head when I'm scrolling through Netflix... Now it's stuck in my head... 🎶
For Childhood crushes, my inner child still has a crush on the character. I dont feel the same attraction, feels distant. I liked Josh Hutcherson as a kid and when I see his young characters I think "If in a parallel universe I would marry him, my kids could look something like that" 😅
Running on the treadmill to a horror movie is actually genius! Especially a zombie or slasher film with actors running from danger, you can really immerse yourself in the experience 😂😂😂
Caroline, how DARE you not knowing Timothées movies!?? Don't refuse them! For your own sake!! Or else you might die on that one. 😳😳😳 Watch those 2 first: "The King" & "Beautiful Boy"!! If you won't love those, I will definitely question your mind! Seriously. After those 2 you might want to watch "Call me by your name", "Bones and all" (a bit weird story obviously) & "Dune". In "Ladybird" he just had a small rolle in comparison and "Little Women" I haven't watched yet. [In "Call me.." Armie didn't play a older Gentleman but a Colleges/University Ph.D./doctoral student. And he is not in reality but like you said, it's his kinky phantasy.] But *really,* start with "The King". No sh*t! The reason why you might not know/already have seen his movies is bc. they are not popular/mainstream (blockbusters?) at all. Dune now maybe. But that's his newest. (Soon he'll be not payable anymore for indie movies. Netflix got him cheap, for "The King", back then, I guess..) The thing with him is: He is such a good actor, so convertible, authentic and without restraint, and at the same time he is such a nice and sweet and charming person and makes everyone feel comfortable. And I'm usually _not_ an obsessive person, I swear. I have to be honest though, that I slightly doubt _his_ mind for dating one of the Kardashians. But basically that's just hypocritical judgementalism (is that a word?), bc. I do not really know any of them. So I guess I will have to look them up and do a bit of research. Lourdes and Lily-Rose seemed absolutely fine, on the other hand. (Again hypocritical, bc. I gave them Madonnas and Johnnys credits, I guess.. But well, whatever.)
omg if you're talking about gianmarco** soresi...i used to see this guy at auditions all the time (while acting). he was all up in the NYC acting scene
One time when I was in grade school, I had this friend who was adopted by her parents as a baby - not blood related. I saw her dad come up to her at the end of the school day, pick her up and kiss her directly on the mouth. To this day it still weirds me out. (Not enough that I would say anything about it, but still.)
