Just a suggestion to avoid the upsets at family gatherings - don't go to them. Start your own traditions by going on vacation, spending time with just your partner. You can see family members at other times. If holidays with family are toxic, just don't go.
Caroline…OMGoodness…not you literally being all emphatic while stating an incorrect meaning of the double exclamation icon response on imessage. 🤦🏻♀️ 😂 So sorry gurlll…but you are emphatically dead wrong on your perceived meaning/negativity of the double exclamation points “‼️”. Jess totally used it correctly & was actually in full agreement with your point, and was being highly supportive of your text thoughts.🙄 The fact that you doubled down that you are the only one who understood the “true meaning” while every one else is too dumb to get it, and saying that you were right & we are all just wrong, came off as a bit haughty. Just FYI …this is coming from someone who typically loves your edgy & sarcastic humor, because on YT it’s always been tempered/calmed with kindness, and a desire not to offend. Listen to or watch it back, you’ll hear or see it. You really need to apologize to Jess, because you were a little bit condescending/rude. I know you guys are actual friends & that she knows how to stand up for herself, if she needs to…so I don’t think she needs a “fan base” to do that for her, btw. I’m just commenting on what I observed, and I simply noticed how gracefully she handled herself. She really impressed me, with her mature humble behavior/response.😊
Okay honestly, I literally never comment on YT videos. The start of this podcast felt so uncomfortable and almost aggressive - I kept thinking back to it throughout the episode. I disagree with the Caroline thinking everyone else is dumb part, and I'm trying to explain her reaction to myself as anxiety-driven and defensiveness but agree that it definitely didn't come across as her usual humour and felt a bit more genuine. It's interesting that this was left in the episode...
I’m glad I read this at the beginning so I could skip that section. I don’t want to watch an uncomfortable interaction. Can’t comment on this specific instance, but I’ve noticed a shift too into an attitude that is more self-righteous and less tempered with kindness and openness.
I only ever use the exclamation points as a positive, emphatic agreement or a “that part” expression. In my friend group, this is agreed upon because we all use it the same way. I think the meaning has to be agreed upon by your social circle in order for it to be used effectively in communication.
I absolutely agree that sometimes the family dynamic is that things just don't get discussed. But, what is infuriating, is when that's the dynamic because one person can't handle those conversations. When everyone has to accept or repress because one person in the family will go nuclear if we don't. Club me over the head. Aaand I just heard the bit about the abuse source. Spot on.
listening about the fights during holiday dinners I keep thinking about what I have learned in phsyc class: that often times fighting is a weird way for insecure people to quickly and deeply connect. Of course no one fights on purpose, but strangely fighting is a "go to" to immediately raise issues that have been stirring underneath the smiles and niceties and establish the truths.
I absolutely love you guys and the podcast but please don't endorse Coca-Cola (not that it needs it). They're one of the biggest funders of Israel and especially now, need to be boycotted! I know the subject is especially close to Jess' heart (loved that you spoke about it in your solo ep) and as a fellow Arab, I urge you to not highlight these companies on your platform! Big love to all ❤
Wouldn’t it be great if you could get all family members to agree to an armistice for the holidays, you could hand out Prozac at the door and everyone could just enjoy one another’s company and make lovely memories… sending my idea to hallmark 😉 !! Definitely means I agree with what you just said…Happy thanksgiving to you both ❤
Honestly I love the holidays with my family, we all have our personal demons but we love and support each other and talk openly about everything (within reason). It's always been scary for me to be around boyfriends' families that were so dysfunctional and seeing him turn into a different person around his parents. Great episode and it helped me understand the feelings and pain behind strained family dynamics, and grateful that I have such a good situation
Yes I agree that the "not wanting to go back home for the holidays" originates in the fact that the family is dysfunctional or at least not in a good place When a family is reasonably supportive and has developed good relationships between members(with normal disagreements ofcourse) seeing each other and spending time together is something you look forward to rather than avoid.
Off-topic but I would like to hear your take on "Friends" 😅 I've heard you talking about "The Office" in a previous episode, and with the tragic news for Mathew Perry, I rewatched it and I would love to hear your "hot take" haha AND!!! - which friend are you? Caroline is Chandler for sure! 🤣
The bish concept is only cute and endearing if the drivers are all women/gay men 😂 eventually insecure straight men are going to be irritated by their passengers saying, "he's my bish"
About the difficult family holidays dynamics, sure this is present everywhere but I've never heard it echoed so much as by North-Americans? As a European I've never heard this sentiment as much, but maybe it's just my circle. Adding about how families who do have that easy family dynamic probably trade off not sharing certain aspects of themselves, I do see that and maybe that plays into it in my circle, people tend to be less confrontational here.
I'd have taken the !! to mean "yeah too right we'll get to talking about death again haha" or if I was feeling fragile, I might read it as "Oh ARE we going to talk about death again on the pod?!" but I think double question mark would mean that tbh
One of your best episodes maybe. ❤ Even though I love your usual silly douchebagness most. Edit: YESSSS!!! Your own question cardgame version!! Do it! And call it "Not 4 everyone". Or in two versions (one deeper and one beginner style) one called "Not 4 everyone advanced" or sth.! I'd buy the shit out of them!
i'm only just listening to this now post-holidays, but THANK you so much for being so, so open and honest about the existing abuse in your families, and the fact that yep, they ARE randos! dna doesn't matter much when it comes to relationships, i've found. and thank you again for chatting about food and disordered eating during the holidays - it's a fucking minefield for me for sure.
This is the first podcast (ever) where I actually listened to the entire thing... I get easily bored or distracted or whatever. I hate texting... Caroline - totally with you. So much communication is lost via text. It's a "communications 101 fact" actually. I do need to say one thing though... not all "aunts and uncles" (aka older people) are not open to change, or less likely to want to have deep meaningful conversations. I, a senior, (I guess I am although I don't feel like it) am totally with you on the meaningless drivel that needs to be endured during family gatherings. I want to poke my eyes out with a fork. If I had a complaint about you "young'uns", it would be that you can't stay off your bloody phones in order to actually have a meaningful conversation... you carry them around the house! Yet, when I text these same people... I don't hear for days, if I even hear at all. I am probably an outlier, but being older doesn't necessarily mean one isn't open and curious about life and wanting to connect. It's all I want but I can't find it! Jess, definitely ask your family about their histories. You will learn so much. Also, yes, please create a game or app or whatever with questions that people can use to ask and engage one another. Love your show! You bishes :) are awesome. I mean that in a good way.
I am listening to this episode a month overdue whilst assembling a Lego build (Family Reunion, ironically...). I cannot say enough about what you are speaking to regarding families who love one another, yet when there is a lot of spoken AND unspoken toxicity. In my case, it's my mother's alcoholism and all of the things my dad, brother and I do to placate her anger - she has a bunch of antisocial and narcissistic traits, as well (we are "normal" suburbanites. I like to say "pretend normal" - there is SO much beneath the sprinklers set on timers to water the f&*%ing grass). My brother lives 3 hours away and I live 8 hours away from our family home. I've found an AlAnon group that helped me feel less alone and, importantly, less guilty, for setting boundaries. It's difficult to do. Many of us in our family are "high-functioning" regarding careers and getting through the day-to-day. Doesn't make the holidays less weird.
You can still do a question mark follow-up to someone who doesn't respond to your text and uses Android. Since you can't use the question mark reaction, just text them a question mark.
Good episode lol def an interesting topic When y'all started going on about the question game, idk tho loooool. I'm not about to break couples by asking them how their marriage is or what their partner's red flag is lmfao. That seems like the kind of question that if it flies it's a great time but if it doesn't fly, you're a homewrecker LMAO
This is really helpful, gals. I appreciate this conversation. I'm 33 and just coming to terms with a lot of these issues you are discussing. Trying to be a healthy adult and teach my children how to be healthy humans and how not to repeat patterns that were damaging to me as a kid. And my husband was brought up in a emotionally repressed home, so we are navigating some of these feelings for the first time together and getting triggered to hell by seemingly every day occurrences. Its been a wild ride, and its nice to hear that other people are going through the same things!
It feels like I'm eavesdropping whenever I listen to your podcast, but I like it so much so I'll keep doing it. Listened to 10ish episodes in the past week! You guys are great, have the best holidays.
It sucks you both have to deal with these family problems (warring parents/disagreements etc)meaning you don’t get the Thanksgiving you deserve, BUT you should be very proud of that your wise, measured, thoughtful convo will be relatable to so many, and may even provide real comfort 👏🏻❤
McDonald's has its own coke formula, which hasn't been changed since it exists, allegedly...or factually? But their coke is waaaay better than one you can get elsewhere.
bountiful cornucopia of boobies overflowing with friendship is the most wonderful thing I think I've ever heard. So glad to observe. Fan art to come?????
I see a lot of myself in you, Caroline. Third of 4 kids, people pleaser, from an abusive home. Our abuser’s behaviour is rooted in a mental health disorder which is poorly controlled. Mine and my siblings’ way of dealing with abuse at gatherings is we just sort of roll our eyes at each other, or share a smirk. The abuser only has power if you give it to them. If we just quietly mock the behaviour between ourselves, the abuse doesn’t hurt. I’ve found a lot of power in accepting them for who they are, and understanding that the abuse is a them problem, not a me problem. Much like Jess said, you can’t control anyone else, but you can control yourself. I try to keep strong emotional boundaries in my relationship with the abuser in my family, so they can’t abuse me, even if they try. I’m a big proponent of the grey rock method lol
I'm late to the party but I'm with Caroline on the exclamation points. It's like "OMG??!!" or "....WHAT???!!" or at best "NO WAY??!!" Whatever it is, it's loud lol
Historically, I’ve used “!!” as an appalled or shocked reaction. I recently reconnected with an old friend, & SHE uses it the same way as Jess. It threw me for a LOOP & the social anxiety I had about it was PALPABLE…
