Caroline, my unsolicited advice for you about the dish rag thing is to have a designated one, preferably bright white, be solely devoted to drying hands. The reminder of color coordination is life-changing
I would not give her the "satisfaction" to know that she ruined your life. Just send her off into the sunset... She does not need to know This podcast is wonderful ❣
I had a thought shift on keeping children safe. Or close people. We have to shift it to how can we learn to deal with an unsafe or unfair world when they encounter it. That was an epiphany for me. 😅
You are amazing. I had a toxic friend I parted with a couple years ago because he was abusive over text to me repeatedly when he did his weekly alcohol binge, and he is still writing all my friends (not his friends, because he doesn't have any) when he gets trashed, and even wrote my wife, to talk trash and tell them I'm a convert narcissist. And every time he gets drunk and does that, after YEARS, it just justifies my decision to drop out. Life is too short for toxic people. I'm 55 years old, and I've known the guy since 8th grade, but that doesn't mean I have to accept abuse.
That’s how my friendship ended, her insecurity about me contacting our mutual friend and not her (before WatsApp days so no group messaging). It broke.
That first person? She needs an answer? "You're a bitch and you're not necessary to me. Go cause trauma on someone who doesn't know you or play in traffic. I don't care which one" she keeps pressing, I would find it okay to have fun at this persons expense in some way if they ruined my life this much. Fafo. I do to you what you do to me, how you gonna be?
This happened with me with 2 women in my area. Hindsight is soooooo 20/20. I am disappointed in myself for falling into their traps because I thought people could not truly be this evil. But they sure are. Both are social climbers and will do anything in this area to get ahead in business. I believe one is absolutely capable of anything, anyyyythingggg. And the other is connected to our city govt now and her business is being propped up by them. Its all insane. I really appreciate this episode and hope other young ladies really hear this message and watch for these warning signs, these people can destroy someone's life in all the ways. They are wired differently and its best to get far away.
Someone who wants to become your friend, showers you with compliments, love-bombs you, tells you negative things about other people to gauge your response, puts you down under the guise of a joke, drains your energy, tells you things about themselves to get personal info from you that they can use against you later, manipulates you to try and get you to do things outside your values... At some point, we all meet someone who behaves like this. You live and learn and it gets easier to recognize them. You're much better off without them.
I had a therapist once who told me that everyone is born with inherent worth, and it never goes away. I accepted that at first, but now I’m not so sure about it. On the one hand, if you put too much of your self worth into one or two things (like your job success and relationship) you put yourself at risk, because what if you lose those things? So, I can see the appeal of not wanting to put your sense of worth anywhere in an attempt to protect yourself from crippling self esteem. But maybe the better way to do it is to diversify all the areas where you put your worth, and to put most of it in places you can control (like your actions, your value system, etc.) Kind of like diversifying your stock portfolio, lol.
This podcast always makes my day and makes me feel so much better T___T I'm glad I found you guys! Also for the last What-A-Do, I'm in a very similar situation with a guy... I've been going out with him for a couple months and every time we go out it just keeps getting better and better. He's very sweet, caring, affectionate. He's also not a *great* conversationalist (but neither am I). There's usually some amount of silence between us every time we go out, but it's like a peaceful silence. We're both quiet people, so there's nothing "wrong", it's just that we're both really chill and introverted. I know that doesn't work for everyone, but I've decided that I'm totally OK with us being a quiet couple. We still share the things and learn things about each other, and we still get closer after every date. Sitting quietly and holding hands / cuddling with him is one of the most blissful experiences I've ever had. That being said I'm sure there's more to him, and I can't wait to see how our relationship will evolve.
Oh, my goodness my mom is being Jalupa 😮 I've been having more and more conflicts with my grandma after mom complaints about me. Family chat it is! Thank you Caroline
I would be seriously concerned as well. This person pretended to be an authentic and trustworthy friend to you , yourself a person in a foreign country and not speaking the language. You were by default a vulnerable person. They sabotaged you to such an extent that you dropped out of school and went back to your home country. Then 6 YEARS LATER they reach out saying that they will be in your country and would like to meet up. HELL NO. Protect yourself , your relationships and everything from this person. Don't feel the need to reciprocate helping them in a foreign country. This is exactly what they are counting on and it sounds like it is already pulling at your heartstrings. I agree with Caroline's Boyf - Restate the events that led to the falling out and say that is why you are no longer interested in a friendship. Period. Not to get serious but from a legal standpoint if this person did try to stalk you , you would have proof showing that you were explicitly clear on boundaries. No contact.
Your insights are life saving, I hope that some very young people listen to this and get affirmation for what is happening to them if they have Jaloupa in their lives, but they don't trust themselves yet...because I had my sister ruining my friendships and self-esteem for a long long time and I was gaslit by society with that "she is your sister" and thought that I have no human right to exist in a healthy environment, that I'm born in that chaos and that there is no way out... This "haters hour" will help so many people.
i cant wait to watch the video you shared. and im so glad this video feels helpful to people. honestly i was nervous to share these stories because i dont like how it sounds to report so negatively on someone in this way. i am always wary of the people out there who don't know this kind of person exists and won't understand. but at the end of the day, i wanted to share what i learned and hopefully it helps someone!
@@Not4EveryonePod Actually @ningyding shared the video, it's a good video. That is exactly why it is so hard to deal with it, because you are the bad person if you say something about it, if you see it through and almost never the perpetrator, because they always have the fake nice persona for others. Jaloupas are often concentrated on ruining one person. It is helping!
@@Not4EveryonePod Having been through many of these types of situations I would say that you tread very lightly. You're very measured and linear and the way you sing it girl- it all seems fair and balanced, kind and logical. I listen while I work and many pods are unfortunately mumbly or poorly scripted. "Let me start again", or" I'm getting ahead of myself". I love your stuff Caroline, keep it up or I smack you. 😂
Caroline, I have been going through this in my life. The first time I encountered someone dangerous like this was my ex, and I was so confused and so devoted to fixing our relationship that I stayed with him for 4.5 years. However! The lessons that I learned in that relationship were life-changing. Now I am facing the machinations of my stepmother after my father’s death and I see it all so clearly and set immediate boundaries. This video that I found the other day summed up my experience so beautifully and sounds like what you are describing: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-gkFLj1ns4lc.htmlsi=iYk_Z1if1PYrX1AB. Empathy learning to harness their gifts while protecting themselves from those who would prey on them.
I was actually surprised that wasn't brought up because to me that sounded somewhat stalkerish? Single white female vibes... there were probably more details we don't know it was said, maybe she got a job there or something who knows. But that's the first thing that I thought of when she moved to Paris after she said she basically sabotaged her career. it's weird. And I'm with Caroline on if you are the type of person to single-handedly do that to somebody no way am I even going to listen to anything you have to say after. Period. That's evil..
Jalupas behaviour isn't (just) _sociopathic,_ (bc that's quite harmless in comparison and not rare at all, like stealing, drug abuse etc.). No, it's straight out *psychopathic!* Love you, ❤ loved this episode!
Can I just add to that first what to do (feeling fiery myself) I feel the person trying to reconnect does not sound remorseful in their request at all. Like the heart emoji and the short apology. They definitely do not appreciate the gravity of what they did and there's the possibility that she never will understand fully, even if you try to explain it. Trust your gut, you owe her nothing. ❤
I like Matthew Hussey's take on self-love: you were given one human being to take care of at your birth, and you need to love it as it is. The same way parents love their child (even when they don't bring As) or pet owners love their pets (some of them having an awkward appearance or a smelly breath), the way kids love their Teddy bear (all dirty and perhaps missing an eye). Nobody would replace their child, pet, or toy for another one, as perfect the new one might be. You need to love yourself just because you are your own human.
Hey girlies, have you guys ever talked about the process of building self-worth yet? I think it is particularly something that Caroline has been intentional about, and I am super curious about that journey -- maybe a solo topic? Just a thought.
Fully expressed humans are beautiful. Wear what makes you feel good and feel like you. Those comments are horrible and that must be really hard. I hope you keep doing you though. You're both awesome!
I think it doesn't make me feel better because it implies that I could basically spend the rest of my life being a total jerk and I still have inherent worth as much as the person next to me... And I do believe all humans have value obviously, and we should respect human life even when we're horrified by human behavior... But I think it's also pretty human. Don't want to be a little bit better than just "worthy because I already exist."
42:47 he should ask her what needs to be completed to accommodate her idea "of things in order". then he could say "we can do this together." thats a start of the conversation.
Discussion topic: How do you make new friends as adults? I know you did a segment on this already - I am specifically wondering what topics do you talk about? What makes you want to be friends with someone? How/ when do you suggest hanging out? What do you do when hanging out, etc. Also, what makes you not want to be friends with someone? What turns you off from wanting to be friends with someone you previously liked?
Omg I relate exactly to you with your neighbor!! I did the same thing with a coworker who was too much so I started setting boundaries then when she starting to not reach out as much I was worried ashe didn't like me. Lol...oh to be a people pleaser. At least we notice this in ourselves and can learn from it. Work in progress but we got this!
Love this podcast so much! And I wanted to leave you a five star review, but when I tried on my podtail app it posted a one -star on the first tap and I couldn't change it. I'm so sorry and will never try to rate you from that app again😢
My husband and I also each had our own (identical) comforters for a while. The bed wasn't cute. It looked weird, but it was great because he sleeps like a human burrito and my ass ends up out in the cold. Having said that, when it was time to replace them, I just got an oversized comforter so we can share. Also, I definitely broke up with someone who wanted sex waaaaaay more frequently than me. At first, it was an amazing ego boost, like this guy gets crazy turned every time he looks at me. BUT when I was going through stuff and sex was the last thing on my mind, he started to take it personally and we both reacted in pretty unhealthy ways. That was the beginning of the end.
Love the podcast! Just a point of clarification: The summer solstice is June 21st and it is both the first day of summer as well as the longest day of the year. Summer runs from June 21st to September 21 (which is the autumn equinox and equinox means that the day and night are equal in the amount of hours in the day).
I agree with the flaky friend solution but friends staying over had me thinking is this what anxiety is like? The overthinking of this is what is making a situation bigger than it needs to be. Honestly let them know what’s on offer what they can do and let them decide what they want to get involved in and let them have space to utilise the kitchen as and when they need. End of story. You don’t need to plan everyday.
