Fair the OP is a selfish b1tch she developed feelings for another person while being married broke up a family and has no sympathy to give the husband time to help his sister what an unbelievably selfish human
@@user-nr1dx4us4di mean, what is she supposed to do? Hurt her husband and ruin her marriage and her sil’s marriage on purpose? String the bill along and have an affair? Nah, she chose to stay loyal and in the end things ended much more smoothly and everyone can move on without hatred for one another in their hearts.
@@ChaoticAngelKitten doesn't change the fact she wasn't honest and doesn't change the fact that all characters messed up, she low-key was a key factor in the string of events
@@user-nr1dx4us4d her not saying anything kept it from going really bad… there was nothing that was going to make this go good… her not saying anything hurt her but generally helped everyone else… the bil didn’t love his wife, so he was always going to leave her, which would have always led to the husband putting his wife on the back burner to take care of his sister who needed him which would always have led to OP feeling neglected. Now, the husband could have no gotten upset at OP for suggesting she got with him to see sil so that they would all spend quality time together but he was probably just stressed out. If anything, bil is probably the most at fault but even then, you can’t control how you feel about someone… but, like OP, he could have ignored it and remained loyal to his partner. This is all just a really crappy situation all around that was never going to end well… it probably ended as well as it could have for the most part.
If a married person finds themselves developing a crush on someone else, then you are to do exactly what she did. 1. Don’t tell the crush how you feel. 2. Don’t accept their affections. 3. Avoid spending time around your crush. 4. focus on improving your relationship with your spouse. What the heck else were people expecting? You can’t control attraction, it just happens. You can only control your response to it.
People here are acting like the epitome of morality when we all know that no one is perfect. It is even harder when things happen to oneself. She did the right thing. Nothing good could have come off of telling her husband about her feelings for BIL. Some truths are better left untold. I also believe that feelings like this don't develop out of no reason. She was likely not satisfied with her married life even before this whole fiasco. Given that she now feels free alone, means that there was something in her marriage that was suffocating her, not just her feelings for BIL. She is both morally and mentally strong and should be commended.
I think the main problem is the emotional cheating by not discussing with her own husband what’s going on and picturing ONLY him during intimate moments. All of the things you listed are important, but you SHOULD tell your partner if you feel this way, and she refused to.
@@edadragneel1569 emotional cheating? Cheating requires another person to be involved. She was not involved with the other man, nor did she get emotional support from him. And you think guys don’t imagine other women in bed. Like a model or actress? What would that do to tell him that besides to hurt them? How do you think a women would respond to her partner saying “ hey I imagined you were my hot sister in law as we had sex today” People are allowed to fantasize, it’s perfectly normal.
I don’t like her, but I also don’t hate her, and the fact of the matter, is, despite carrying such wrong thoughts, and kept it a secret, she never cheated, she never crossed the line, but the moment her husband stopped caring for her, and her emotions, even if it was for the sake of the kids, it’s not right to care for another family while you abandon yours. There is got to be a balance with so many problems stacking up. Note: I am not defending her, nor anyone, I am just stating what I understood. Both the wife (op) and her husband are problematic.
@@techterror1282she talked to her husband about her feelings and he said his sister was more important to him. And it wasnt even a matter of wanting attention, she literally offered to help cheer up the SIL a couple of times but SIL refused. I don’t think i’d handle being ignored for weeks and then being told i matter less than someone else by someone i love. And her falling in love with someone else and falling out of love with her husband isn’t her fault. You can’t really control how you feel towards others, thats not how emotions work. She never cheated or did anything that would be considered cheating, she quite literally pushed BIL away as much as possible; even resulting in her wanting to move away. She moved away and signed for divorce because she wasnt happy with being neglected and she eventually fell out of love with her husband. She didn’t take it out on anyone. To me it just seems like she did things according to her emotions and what she thought was best for her. Maybe it was selfish, but she literally said it improved her health; both mental and physical.
Thank youuuu I said the same thing on another comment. I think everyone in these comments is like legit 12 years old cause they don’t see or understand the complexity in this story and they’re looking for a cheating villain when the reality is everyone in the story was deeply flawed because they’re human. Her attraction was clearly a symptom of how she felt she was being treated by her husband, but she did the right thing and shut it down at every turn and even tried to work on her marriage and renew her bond with the husband, she was tired of being second place to SIL. Then he abandons her for MONTHS and sil tosses him aside as his marriage is crumbling and they’re all confused why. Also to the main point- Anyone acting like a fantasy is cheating has never been in a long term relationship, that is literally why role playing exists (not saying this instance is morally right, just saying it happens and I’m sure OPs husband has thought about some p-Star at some point too) If op had actually cheated and told this story, EVERYONE commenting calling her a cheater now would be saying “why do people cheat, why don’t they leave before it gets to that point” yet when someone does that, they’re still a monster. Everyone in the story sucked tbh, none of them are likable, including the sister who started as arguably the biggest victim, she used her brother at the expense of his marriage (which OP tried to keep M together early on) and then ditched him and got an attitude with him the second his emotional support wasn’t needed. I hate to say it but they all did the right thing given the circumstances, and they all also sucked haha
@@kamleshpandey8655 simply put- it’s having a relationship with someone without the physical contact. It’s being super close, emotionally depending on each other, flirting and making future plans, etc. I might be wrong but… Judging by the way you type you sound young so please don’t worry about this type of stuff lol
She didn’t create anything, really… do you think telling her husband the truth would have helped anything? Or telling the brother in law how she felt? No… it would more likely have just caused serious animosity.
@@ChaoticAngelKittenThe woman here chimed in just to say lying and running away from her problems leaving him feeling like it's his fault is okay to do 😂 Speak volumes that you're talking about what would help the situation and not whats the right thing to do is
@@Indiana_Jesus Should she have told her husband she is in love with another man and tell her sister in law she’s in love with her husband? Or should she have had an affair with the brother in law so that he would stay with his wife while getting his sil on the sidelines? You’re suggesting she nuke her entire family instead of being loyal and not hurting anyone.
@@Indiana_Jesus also, she didn’t leave because of her problems… she left because of her husband’s problems. She was fine until her husband stopped spending time with her and then called her selfish for wanting some time with him and to join him at sil’s place… She suggested she go to sil’s with him and he called her selfish for it.
Wow, lots of people in comments being really harsh on her. The way I see it she did nothing wrong. You cannot control your feelings, only your actions. She felt attracted to her brother in law but never acted on it, never cheated on her husband. In fact, she made every effort to distance herself from him and refuse those feelings, even at the cost of being misinterpreted by the rest of the family. She supported her husband when he wanted to help his sister, she communicated her own sadness, loneliness and frustration in a way that was clear and respectful. She tried to find an alternative to include her sister in law in their vacation plans too. She was doing her best in the circumstances she was in. She seems very mature and assertive, looking out for her own well-being and prioritizing her physical, mental and emotional health.
I agree with you so much. Just how could she have manage this situation better than she did for real exept perharps going to therapy because the guilt was litteraly making her sick? She was even more comitted to her marriage even while having feelings to another man than her own husband.
@@BlueSea-zt1fk precisely! And I was truly surprised by the fact that even after she was separated as well she did not take the opportunity to form a romantic relationship with her brother in law. That showed how she genuinely did not welcome this attraction towards him. It was something uncontrollable and undesirable. Major respect for her!
@@evelyngamur comment made me lose braincells I am srry what Respect for not cheating That is the fucking bare minimum Oh god i can't breathe I sincerely hope in the future Ur partner confesses to u He or she loves someones else for 5 years even when their in a relationship with u And then acts like. A good guy Hilarious 😂
@@BlueSea-zt1fkso sad She did what is required of her While resisting the urge ro cheat How pitful She didn't neglect the husband When she married him
@@KpopOpinionator yes, I can tell you have some sort of neurological issue, but it seems to be far too extensive to be associated with merely reading my comment. I pray the doctors find out what's wrong with you and the rest of your brain fully develops. Let's not lose hope.
she is not he victim but the way the husband treated her is also not the best, his sister is going through divorce and all and he wants to help but is it this much to give even an hour to be with your wife?
Funny how she is confused that he isn't at the same point as her in the separation considering that she was already checked out of their relationship long before the claimed neglect
@@lavonnewrShe said she had a crush on his BIL for 5 Yearssssss 😂 Come on thats pretty much no love her husband in that amount of time. No other than that she said that she fantasize with him for all those years 😐 So if a married man fantasizes with another women that is not his wife world burnt but she is ok? 😐? I mean, both situations are bad.
@@DigiZomCommunicate what? That she had a crush on her BIL and was desesperatly trying to get rid of it because she was ashamed of it? So that she could hurt him? Because let's be honest he would definitely be much more hurt by hearing the truth. She didn't emotionally cheat. For her to have emotionally cheated would have meant that she flirted with BIL which she never did. Nobody can control who they fantasize about, but they sure can control with whom they are flirting with and who they are sleeping with.
@@BlueSea-zt1fkbut it would allow her husband to detach from the marrige, if she doesn't want to be married. She is hurting him much more by not saying it. I would sign the divorce papers in less than a heartbeat and she can go give her twat to whoever she wants
@@9thEditsHow is she hurting him more by being even more comitted to him and by refusing to prioritize her crush over her marriage? He isn't under any obligation to stay with her if he was dissatisfied with their marriage which he wasn't. The fact that she did everything to stay the fuck away from BIL proves that she already made her choice. She loved her husband and chose him.
I don’t see where the emotional cheating happened that a lot of people are talking about. All I see are four immature adults with no communication skills.
*3 OP communicated her feelings very clearly, her husband just didn’t wanna listen. If you’re referencing her not telling him about her feelings for her brother in law, just consider the consequences for a second. How would that have helped? It would have only hurt his feelings and he couldn’t have done anything to make her less attracted to the other guy anyway. That was entirely for her to figure out by herself, which she did.
@@MiiMiiOwO refresh my memory. Was that before or after her BIL hit on her and she refused to say anything or after several months of her not communicating why she didn’t want to see her husbands sister and allowing her husband and SIL come to their own conclusions?
Wife emotionally cheats, wife’s SI husband also emotionally cheats, pushes everyone away and makes people hate her and and the husband is the problem? God I hate it when people like this play victim like YOU created this situation and could’ve easily avoided it
They had a mutual attraction but they werent flirting or talking to each other much since op says that her phonecall was longer then any conversation they have had in years i dont think it counts as a emotional affair untill they actually start fliriting or talking like a couple.
@@LizzyandAshshe could. She had the complete power over the situation. For once she could tell her husband about her crush on the brother in law, how brother in law confessed to her and everything. Might have made the situation worse for a while but ultimately could have solved the situation in the end. She could have gone to see a therapist when she started having fantasies, i mean thinking about sex with your brother in law is just weird. After they got into a fight, she just up and left him, no marriage councilor, no trying to fix the issue. She was a selfish b*tch in the whole situation, the only one to blame along with brother in law
@@LizzyandAshWould you look at that The woman here chimed in just to say lying and running away from her problems leaving him feeling like it's his fault is okay to do 😂
OP was wrong for not communicating her feelings towards brother in law with her husband, letting it fester, and then hiding his confession from his wife and her own husband. Man was wrong to ditch his wife for his sister, i understand she is family and needs some sort of support system, but you made a vow and promise to your wife that you should fulfill, and his sister is an adult. OP was also just a hoe for living life with her privates, always chasing the feeling of love but not willing to put the work in. Im guessing since she had an emotional AP she probably wasnt the best wife back to her husband
@@gamercentral2417 if your spouse had a crush on someone close to you i think you would disagree. Just cause theres not physical cheating doesnt mean she should have crushes with people they hang around, case and point the BIL confessing and trying to get OP to cheat. She should have told her husband that she feels like romance will happen if she hangs around BIL. Yeah husband wont be happy, but at the very least its communication, especially if he’s not abusive
@@cwixterisawesome like I don't get why people fail to see that she failed in the honesty department, probably fixing that issue and coming to the events could have made things better or the sister in law will understand what's up with her husband, I feel like that little concealment has a big effect whether you agree or not, you have to be transparent, you didn't even kiss him si what's the big deal
I don’t get how all the comments are saying that this is all her fault. She never cheated and made sure everyone else was fine. She fell for someone else, sometimes that happens, it was just the “wrong” person. She didn’t ruin anybody’s life, not even her own. Things just didn’t workout.
this story (might be) more info/another telling of a story were Op was complaning that SIL was taking up her brothers time, in that one SIL was TOLD by her EX (BIL) about his feelings for OP, so OP and BIL's little thingy they had was why they split, OP's now ex checked out when finding out OP was being a catty awful drama queen painting SIL as a homewrecker
@@GothymothmothAnd the hysband leaving for days on end to stay with the sister even though the wife offered to go with him because she felt lonely which the husband forbid. So no, the husband is still the ah here.
Wow, lordy. If this is a true story, this is an absolute wild ride. OP ignored the intrusive thoughts to the point of completely shutting down a potential affair. OP's BIL and instigator of the potential affair (he's the one who actually approached OP) separates from his wife. OP's SIL is upset so OP's husband completely ditches OP to be by SIL's side and wonders why OP is feeling lonely. Then SIL ditch's OP's husband to holiday with another family after declining to holiday with OP and OP's husband. No wonder OP is a mess. Good for OP for trying to move forward.
yeah let’s ignore OP emotionally cheating on her husband and not explaining why she was actively ignoring BIL which in turn created the whole problem. she’s the biggest ass in this story
@@kronik9317 "Emotionally cheating" is not a thing. I have labelled it as an intrusive thought. Perhaps OP could have talked to the husband. To what end, I don't know. Do people really go around discussing intrusive thoughts (be they attractions, self-harm, or harm to others) involving family to one another? How does that turn out? I know I have withheld mine and moved forward in life. OP did the best she could imo. Let's say OP did discuss it with the husband. Worst case scenario, they end up at the exact same place - divorced. Best case scenario, husband forgives OP and they find a way to move forward. How does that stop BIL from suggesting cheating, BIL and SIL's breaking up and OP's husband from going to be with SIL? In what world would talking about it have prevented BIL's actions? It wouldn't have because OP is not the issue here. Events would have played out the exact same way even if OP would have opened up about those intrusive thoughts because BIL is TA for suggesting cheating, OP's husband is TA for completely abandoning OP (his WIFE) and ignoring her needs to be with SIL and her kids, SIL is TA for saying she didn't want to go on holiday with OP and husband (affecting their marriage) only to go on a different holiday anyway and ditch OP's husband. "Emotionally cheating" isn't the issue here considering one person suggests actual cheating, another ignores their wife to be with other family, and another still takes advantage of someone's kindness without regard to how it might be affecting their life and marriage.
This is why your wife and husband always come first, he acts like his wife doesn’t mean anything and it’s not her husband responsibility to coddle his dang sister.
@@Mara_here.M Not always, but if you love someone, then you get to do compromises. Abadoning someone for someone else, even if someone else needs more support in the moment, isn't right
@@SillyLittlePookieShe did not have an emotional affair. She did not flirt with BIL. You can't control who you are attracted to but you certainly can control with whom you flirt with and who you sleep with. OP did neither.
@@BlueSea-zt1fkyeah I don’t personally like op (or honestly anyone in this story) but she wasnt emotionally cheating. People misuse this term a lot because they dont like, and aren’t used to, hearing married people’s uninhibited thoughts. Emotional affairs require two people to engage in that emotional connection that two people in a relationship would, like flirty texts, giving each other emotional support, etc. She straight up shut down BIL because she didn’t want to cheat and didn’t want it to get that point even though it hurt her. It sucked she fell in love with the BIL but honestly considering she left anyway it feels like this was an excuse, he was a symptom not a cause. Like, she clearly wasn’t happy in her marriage, her relationship was over already- you don’t fall in love with another person when you love your spouse romantically. She loves him as a person but had very obviously fallen out of love with him. Everyone defending him, yeah sure he didn’t deserve her feeling that way, but he was also a selfish jerk from what she described- the attraction she felt with BIL was probably because of the neglect she perceived from her husband. Honestly everyone all around sucked in this story, the husband, the bil and his wife, and especially op, but she did the right thing for a wrong situation. Everyone on here always screams “cheating is wrong if you start feeling like that leave first!” Which she literally did and people are getting mad about. Life doesn’t always have happy endings
I won't defend the lack of communication between Wife and Husband, but I wonder if there was something about their relationship already that prompted this emotional affair with Brother in Law.
Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up Shut up
She was fantasying about the brother in law, she didn't communicate anything with her husband, we all know he would be upset if she said she had feelings for him, but she could have informed him about the brother in law's feelings, she's selfish, she just wanted to have fun with different men, it's obvious that she didn't give her husband any bedroom fun, she loves him she says, but she literally tore is heart out, didn't even try to make it work for the kids
but it wasn't an emotionnal affair, as far as we know, she never flirted, never had deep long discution (especially if the phone call in one of the update is longer than all their interaction combined). She had a crush but in order to cheat, even emotionnaly, you have to act on your feelings. She was wrong for not actively trying to push those feelings away but that doesn't make it an emotionnal affair, there was no emotionnal bond to begin with, just a crush.
Op getting grilled and its bullshit she didnt cheat she didnt blow up the SILs relationship that was her ex husband she tried desperately to voice her feelings of neglect just to be called selfish have yall even been listening to anything in this story??
I agree. I think that she was actually very strong for not actually cheating on her husband with BIL or not leaving him when BIL got divorced. She tried her very best to salvage her marriage even though her husband didn't seem to care and only once she decided to go did he realize that he should have put effort being with her.
Honestly I don’t think she’s the bad guy, she didn’t act on anything with her brother in law until she was divorced and she fell out of love with her husband she didn’t do anything wrong!
What a crappy human, she never truly talked to her husband. Also the husband was crappy for not listening to his wife when she did kinda reach out (she didn’t tell him everything - only the half truth). A half truth is a whole lie. In the end the sister in law is better without her husband, and the husband is better off without a woman who lusts after other men. All around this is a sad story.
Sorry to say this but you're a fool She felt neglected cause she wants him to comfort when she she's literally having an emotional breakdown about the same person that made her husband sister sad????
She literally did... several times talk to her husband... and the husband proceeded to call her selfish for feeling normal feelings... Bro, read the story again. She only didn't tell her about her fantasies about someone else. What you want her to say? "Oh hi dear, I never cheated, but I have been thinking of another man lately." Yeah, that would definitely solve things.
@@darklordsatan4383 Their separation had no solid grounds. She divorced him, while still loving him because his sister got in the way between them??? Marriage shouldn't end because of that! She was in a difficult situation sure, and her husband was very inconsiderate for some time, but he turned around, begged for forgiveness and she hardened her heart because of pride. Marriage is also about forgiveness, you have to be willing to let go of pride. We all make mistakes, sometimes against our spouse. He didn't cheat, and neither did she. They loved each other, they could have worked it out!
Girl, I would’ve done the same thing. I don’t know what’s wrong with these guys. Once you become married your wife is your priority. It’s OK to support your family members, but there has to be some kind of a limit. Good on you for leaving him behind, he will always put you last, because apparently his family comes first. He’s not ready to be married yet. Let him stay over there with his sister. He got exactly what he deserved for choosing his sister over you. Her marriage is ruined and because of that he ultimately ruined his.
She is also not ready to married yet, idk man, all of them are AH, but let's be real this wont be a huge shit if the op told her hb the truth that she has not only lust but love for her bil, early on. That means she had no love feelings for her husband for most of the time they are together. The only great person here is the children. Good for op to be "free" but she also takes part on her failing married. Fuck the bil tho
@@rurufiola1123imagine your partner, coming out of nowhere and telling you, they have a crush on your cousin but that they haven't acted on their feelings. How would you feel? Glorified that they are still loyal to you? No. You'd feel pissed off and insufficient. You'd likely break-up with them. There's no good about telling things that have no impact on the person's life. You likely lie all the time about silly things just to make the other person feel better. This here isn't a silly thing but it didn't need to be told either
I feel like she lost romantic attraction to her husband a long time ago and sees him more as a best friend. That’s why she cared for him but was fantasizing about another man. I respect that she didn’t cheat but I do think therapy and couples counseling would have helped. The husband neglected her for months and I understand that his sister needed him but his wife tried politely to convey how she was feeling and he ignored her until she finally left and now is begging for another chance when she gave him plenty. Both of them need therapy and hopefully they’ll live better lives.
Not really sure why the OP is getting so much hate in the comments to be honest. Look I'll all for been the person who calls out when someone is been shitty. But can someone seriously say what she did wrong here? She had a crush, didn't act on it (actually actively did things to get away from the situation), didn't flirt/lead the BIL on, didn't cheat or have any connection with the guy apart from a fantasy? Like every single married couple at one point or another has thought about someone else in a fantasy, that's just been human, we find other people attractive it's natural... She literally did nothing wrong, if she tells the husband that she has a crush on her BIL then that wouldn't end well, so she pushed did other things to get it out of her mind. The BIL obviously couldn't do the same so left his wife, then her husband leaves her for MONTHS to help his sister while completely ignoring his wife. She communicated her issue with this, but he ignored her. IMO she did everything correct, it's not like she cheated or started texting the BIL or anything, she continued doing what she normally did in the marriage and did her best to be a good partner. Not sure why she is getting hate IMO.
Her: “My heart is nobody’s business is mine. And these feelings are my inner most private feelings that nobody is entitled to.” Also her: *shares feelings to hundreds of thousands of people on Reddit and YT*
Yeah sorry to pop your bubble but there's a big difference between telling anonymously strangers of what is going on in your heart than saying it to people you know and knows you.
What the fuck are you all talking She handled everything properly She didn't cheat on anyone She held her self respect and moved away when her husband is ignoring her no matter what the reason is She is kind for even talking to husband after he ignored her for months and made her feel lonely
I see it this way, if you have a partner but fantasies about someone else that you don't really have long term feelings for your partner or are just starting to lose your feelings for your partner
Why are some of y’all blaming her? Yes she developed lust/a crush for her bil but she never acted on it. She could have when he confessed but didn’t. She could have told her husband but after how he acted, who is to say he would have taken it well and tried to work through it. She created distance from her bil, never acted on her feelings, and stayed loyal to her husband till the end.
@@MrHelicxIt wasn't just about the trip. It was the fact that he left all weekends to go to his sister. It's the fact that even during week days he would go help his sister and not even text his wife back. It's the fact that he called her selfish because she wanted to spend time with him by accompanying him when he went to his sister and refused for her to do so. It's the fact that he only care to fix things up when his sister abandonned him and called crying his wife how lonely he felt.
Idk why ppl hate her so much. People can fall in love and she fought a lot of her demons and wanted to keep her relationship. They are all humans and they all failed miserably with their relationships
The world doesn’t stop when one person is sad, so she should stop going on vacation even after she tried to bring them along and should suffer from all this? And this has been going on for months? Tomorrow he’s gonna say she’s selfish for laughing because sister in law isn’t able to laugh anymore
@@saintolengrace546She literally left.... without telling her (now ex) husband about the fantasies?! All this time she lets him blame himself for the failing marriage like she wasn't screwing him with another dude in mind. She can't come clean because she KNOWS she is in the wrong. The moment you think of another person in a sexual or romantic manner...it's over.
@@jasonnygren4621 oh wow....imagine being so selfish you can't even admit your mistakes and let other people take the blame. Well...I guess some people can't grasp the concept of guilt and just rather stay being saints until it bites them in the ass.
Op did the right thing. Though she liked her bil she tried to ignore it and move on. Focus on her happiness. Bil did the right thing after and divorced wife. Their ex's will move on to happiness.
She's very lucky she didn't go for BIL because he can't even bother being there for his own kids. And SIL seems to need round the clock care for some reason as if she's not an adult, for months. And her brother just goes along with it taking his wife for granted. What was he even doing al night there?
The husband is the ah. Yes your sister is important but you shouldn’t neglect your own wife for her especially after she’s told you multiple times she’s unhappy
The wife did nth wrong she only had thoughts and that’s all they were. That man left his wife because he realized he didn’t love her. The wife is doing the right thing she is leaving a negative situation behind. She is not playing the victim she is the victim in all this her BIL is making a move on her, her husband is neglecting her, her SIL is being passive aggressive. Her life is miserable her thoughts caused none of that.
At first, I was like “OP is not fooling anyone. It’s funny how one can see the lies and holes in this story. She had the affair with the brother in law and I bet the first time was the night he professed his love to OP 😏 She wanted to go far away to avoid facing the consequences.” Now I see the maturity and courage she had in dealing with the situation. Inspirational.
I feel bad for him too but he was also not a great person he didn’t communicate with his wife just as much as she didn’t communicate with him the husband was lied to by his wife then thrown into an emotional rollercoaster.
I’m honestly mad at this. She emotionally cheated on her husband and then she pushed everyone away and she blamed the husband for “neglecting her”. She playing the victim when she started the problem. Then she still fantasized about her brother in law. I actually want to cry for the husband.
She was not the direct cause of their divorce, the brother in law chose to do that of his own volition, and he didn't pursue her afterward, and neither did she. Her husband pushed her away in order to comfort his sister. What the wife did isn't good, but she didn't actively cheat on him. It's likely if the husband didn't spend all of his time coddling his sister, he'd have still been with his wife.
@@mentallyillfingerit’s still a form of cheating. Why would you think about another person why being intimate with a person you supposedly love that shit doesn’t make sense. The husband dodged a bullet without even noticing.
@@mentallyillfingerIs that part that shock me the most, and if I am not wrong she end up cheating because the husband still didn’t signed the divorce papers and she had a night with another man :v
@@nathydj5308No she didn't. She is planning to because she served him.divorce papers but he was already told before that she didn't see how that she wasn't seeing how they could repair their relationship.
For those who are struggling or do not want to watch 10 min: The brother in law ended up divorcing the sister in law. The husband started going to his sister every day as she was not coping well with the divorce and started neglecting his wife. The OP was understanding and also distanced herself from her brother in law. The OP and her husband started fighting from his negligence. Soon the OP decided for divorce and wanted to move to the 20 hr away city herself. She did move and the husband fought with his sister. The husband didn’t want divorce and believed he could reconcile with his wife. The brother in law called the OP once and wished a Happy NY not talking about his confession. The husband was left alone on NY eve and went to the OP’s house to celebrate. The husband didn’t take the OP seriously when she asked for a divorce. Soon the papers were at his door but he still believed in getting back together. She said she lost feelings for the brother in law but started regaining them. At last the OP revealed she was talking to someone on Hinge who was in a similar situation and did not want a long term relationship. She said she was happier after separation but still loved her husband more than anyone in the world.
So you know what it sounds like to me? The sister has narcissistic tendencies. That's why her husband wanted to be free. When the sjster couldn't control the husband anymore, she decided to control the brother. The brother is was oblivious to his sister ruining his life and marriage. Now he's getting a divorce and at a job he does not like, because he was under the sister's control. I know it sounds supid but if you never dated or been friends with a narcissist then you won't know what i am talking about. The OP chose herself because the husband became useless to her. Now she is free herself. Now that the sister ruined her brother's marriage, the brother is useless to her now. She feels better that he is feeling worse than her. That's how narcissists get their energy. Everyone was a victim to the sister. Yes the feelings of cheating is wrong but NOTHING was actually done and OP FOUGHT for her marriage. Now she gets to be free. If her husband is smart, he would get the hell away from his sister.
Interesting theory, but the fact that he gaslighted his wife for suggesting solutions so that they could spend time while helping his sister by calling her selfish is not making him look like the victim of a narcissist sister.
@@BlueSea-zt1fkI keep seeing your comments around it you make me think that you're the only person who listened to the whole thing and is the only person who has comprehension skills. Everyone hating on OP didn't pay attention to anything. The person you are replying to is cool as well
@@BlueSea-zt1fk yes and no. It's his sister, and he probably wasn't really out of her control the whole time (like when OP tried to visit/interact less, and husband/SIL were quick to assume she hates them) It doesn't excuse him in long run, but she could get him wrapped around her finger long time ago, like some kind of toxic MIL, so in his mind her being happy was the best thing to happen. And she clearly said that she doesn't want OP around, because "they are a happy couple" + again, husband thought that OP 'hates' his sister, so she wouldn't really help
i find it weird that everyone keeps blaming mostly the girl, i know she's like bad but everyone in the story is pretty bad too expect the kids of course. She didn't actually cheat and when she was having bad thoughts, she tried brushing them away and even felt regret. When her Sister in laws husband confessed to her, she rejected him and tried not to see him. She could have said yes and committed the affair but she didn't. When her husband and her sister in law pressured her to see sister in laws husband, she did but tried to keep her distance. When her sister in law was sad and her husband neglected her kinda, she tried to make it work but he just kept brushing her feelings aside. Maybe he could've spent like one week or a couple of days with her. If you're partner neglects you, it's obvious you'd feel hurt, fall out of love, and/or get angry. She told him her decision to break up and ended up pretty Happy with her life. Of course she's not a good person, she still had bad thoughts and was sometimes pretty selfish but i think she isn't that bad. Her husband seems like a nice guy but he neglects her and puts his sister before her which seems alright but at the same time spend at least a little time with your wife, show her love and show much you appreciate her (this goes for everyone in a serious relationship)
Op isnt in the wrong, she didnt do anythinh with the brother in law. She literally told him to knock it off and leave her alone. Her husband gave NO consideration to her feelings and didnt even try to make her happy. Prioritizing family is one thing, but he began to completely ignore her. Thats so unfair. OP didnt do anything wrong.
I applaud her for not actually cheating and starting a relationship with the brother in law after her separation. The dude also did the right thing by divorcing, and moving on.
Ok ok so looks like I gotta be that person: OPs husband got a job opportunity in a small town, and OP really wanted him to take it so they would be away from brother in law. OP tried to stay away from brothers in law and sister in law because being around them made her awkward. But then brother in law left his wife and OPs husband started helping his sister with her kids after the divorce, so OP and husband didn’t move. This of course made OP a bit upset, but didn’t show it and supported his decision to stay with sister. Then husband and OP separated. After the separation, OP got a job offer in the same small town as before. She was quite happy to be working as a nurse there. Then OP sends husband divorce papers. The brother in law started talking to OP again (nothing romantic though). OP then says at the very end that they have met someone on hinge. I know this story went way off the rails but what I said was the truth.
TLDR; The husband got a hub offer 20h away from where they lived , and the OP wanted him to take it but: the brother in law divorced the sister in law, then the OPs husband was spending lots of time with the sister. He decided not to take the job offer. The OP felt lonely and sad because the husband was spending so much time with her . The OP and her husband take a yearly trip at Christmas time , but the husband wanted to stay with the sister, OP got a flight for the sister in law and her kids but she did not want to go. When they were contemplating moving, OP decided to give her resume around, and got a job offer she liked, she told her husband she wanted it , and that she was very lonely. He called her selfish because she didn’t care her sister in law was having a hard time . She decided to take the offer and moved . She also lost feeling for the brother in law bc he took her husband from her. She had a phone call with her brother in law and she said that he was happy and she cried the whole time. OPs husband visited unnanounced and still thought they could work it out , she sent him divorce papers.
Honestly, she's just being honest. In my opinion, emotional cheating is still cheating, so divorce is best. However, she's making excuses for her husband. She was in an emotionally draining relationship. Honestly, she's better than some women who cheat. The short has the first part of the video. This is why I think it's emotional cheating: To me, emotional cheating happens when your closeness to someone else disrupts your investment in your partner, and when you feel physically attracted to that other person for a "long period of time." (It's okay not to share my feelings on this). ru-vid.comPAlUlH2cxeU?si=W876q-fMsSJ1emnY
@@PriyaRathore-pr7dn She didn't cheat and neither did she ruined her husband life. She put her marriage above her crush but her husband put his sister above their marriage. Hence why he ended up losing his wife.
@@PriyaRathore-pr7dn It's ture she didn't cheat physically but she did emotionally which is bad but at least she chose to do whatever it takes to save her marriage. But husband chose to change and cancel their plans and thinks that's okay yeah his sister is going through something but their life can't Revolve around her.
@@ninak2629 she didn't cheat, even emotionally, in order to cheat, you have to actively create an emotional connexion with someone other than your partner. She had feelings for her BIL but never acted on it, on the contrary, she actively tried to avoid him after he confessed to her. That's not an emotional affair that's a crush (however, it was her responsability to kill that crush and not let it grow to that point and that is wrong on her but she did not cheat)
In the context of relationships, emotional cheating occurs when an individual develops a significant emotional connection with someone other than their partner, potentially crossing a boundary without engaging in physical intimacy. In this case, she formed a connection with her brother-in-law, unintentionally developing feelings and envisioning him in her husband's place. This emotional attachment prompted her to distance herself upon realizing that her brother-in-law reciprocated her feelings. While she did not engage in physical infidelity, her actions demonstrate a lack of self-trust and a failure to maintain appropriate boundaries. Ideally, such a connection should have been avoided from the outset. Although feelings may be involuntary, it is essential to acknowledge that her husband's lack of emotional support does not solely account for the breakdown of their marriage. In other words, 'if you truly love someone, you won't let yourself fall for someone else.'
OP had thoughts and fought them off! She never emotionally/physically cheated. Yes she had thoughts which is already adultery, but she’s human and she fought through those demons. Her husband put SIL before her, his WIFE. It’s okay to be there for your siblings, but to drop your whole life and wait on their feelings? Absolutely not!! OP felt alone and had enough so she did what she felt was right for her. And the husband goes back to her once SIL doesn’t need comforting anymore.
wife almost emotionally cheats but stops herself in time sets boundaries and tries to maintain a healthy and loving relationship with husband and ignore bil after all. husband is constantly at his sisters for emotional support(like months). he doesn’t take his wife to meet her, he cancels all his plans with his wife to be with. he haults his future for his sister. op complains and he denies her advances and tells her no. he is willing to go get a divorce just because even tho he meets sister and gives her time every day, in his current marraige he is not being allowed to neglect his wife and be there for his sister 24/7. wow. husband is a bastard. and i am sure bil told that he likes op more therefore sil is poisoning husbands ears. op has every reason to leave. op is an ass for feeling this way about bil, but she had the sense to know it was wrong and stop. but she was an even bigger ass for keeping the truth from husband. the husband is just straight up and asshole. sister is probably poisoning his husbands marriage. and ofc the bil. all characters are an ass
Op is the worst one here she just wants lust even after the husband was trying to work things out she even said all she wanted was intimacy to be fair op was by far the biggest a hole in this story
@controlmsdXD even tho she had feelings for bil she pushed them away for her husband while they were still married???? Its only when he realizes that hes gonna loose it all that he tries to course correct. Op course corrects b4 everything goes bad. Yes she should've done better. But tbf she didnt cheat and didnt give into lust lol
@@controlmsdXDoh yeah, she was so lusty she rejected the ideal cheating opportunity out of the love she had for her husband, tried to acomódate for her sil only to be said to go fuck herself because SIL didn’t want to see happy couples
How is she an ass for liking someone? Knowing it was wrong and not acting on it is what makes her good. Telling the truth would absolutely ruin the relationship which wa showing well
All this sounds like is two different people who were married to siblings that were deep in trenches of emotional incest. They were only allowed to be around each other so they got focused on each other when their needs werent being met by their partners. The dude gave up first. The OP did her best and the siblings still failed. Both of them sacrificed their spouses to be flowers in the attic close to each other then got surprised when there were consequences
The hand is pointing to “Translate to English”, isn’t this already in English?? I think you were meant to point to the like button… why should we translate to English?
The people in the comments are so weird. What did she do wrong exactly? She can’t control her attraction yet she NEVER acted on anything, not even emotionally. She rejected the guy when he told her he liked her while drunk. She went low contact with him to get rid of her feelings for him and stay loyal to her husband. She didn’t even get with the guy after they had both separated from their partners. Like what is y’all’s problem?
Her developing feelings for her BIL is a result of her marriage not being happy and healthy. It was a symptom, not the cause of a break in her marriage. And her husband has an unhealthy relationship with his sister. He only ever feels bad about the break up when his sister isn’t around. Everyone in this story has work to do but the woman telling the story is going in the right direction to sorting herself out and living more authentically.
@@MrHelicx not exactly.!! The guy divorcing his wife wasn’t a saint. Op’s husband ignoring her, everything pilled up, hence why everyone in this story are wrong.
I’m confused how op is to blame, she liked someone she couldn’t control that, but she stayed loyal and wanted to end those emotions and wanted to work on her relationship, she didn’t want to continue stringing along lies and did the healthy thing by ended the relationship Only thing I disagree is that she should’ve sooner
@@MrHelicxAnd how did she lie by staying comitted to the man she married and refusing to prioritize a crush that she felt guilty to have in the first place? You'd still call her a b if she said the truth to her husband because she would have broken his heart. And if she divorced you would also critisized her for not trying to fix things with her husband...
the fact everyone is dogging on the woman here is wild to me 🤠im not going to justify anything she did wrong, but yall need to get more emotional intelligence 💀it just doesnt sit right with me when yall give more hate then what was due. calling her a shitty person in general just isnt the right word 😐 it isnt like she didnt feel guilt, infact she stated SHE CRIED FOR WEEKS because of it. the mental toll the whole situation put on her was so bad that she had physical damage (in the form of ulcers). yall clearly haven't experienced a situation in which your problems and emotions just build up without any form of expressing or telling ANYONE. its apparent she loved her husband, emphasis on LOVED. emotions can change pretty damn quickly, and its very easy to misunderstand love for something else more platonic. for the ppl saying she caused it, it has some truth but i dont think u guys understand how hard it is to get rid of feelings for someone especially when they're THAT close to u. for the sister in law shit, i think both women were equally experiencing a hard time, but the only difference is the husband didnt know shit abt his wife so he just disregerded her as he in his eyes his sister was more needing of the attention. the woman did kinda suck as a wife tho, so i really dont think she loved him as a husband. if she actually loved him she would want to try and fix their relationship as much as possible, including telling him her feelings, (but then again her feelings for her brother in law wouldnt bloom if she felt satisfied in her relationship.) all in all both the woman and the brother in law had a fault in it. im glad the girl decided to start new tho- i feel like she did the best thing for herself.
The sister wants attention She loves attention from her brother Maybe both of them were cheating Brother In law was not liking her attention seeking attitude
Wow, I can't believe how awful some people commenting are. You can't help who you're attracted to. Op did everything she could to avoid the situation and it's not emotional cheating when you're deliberately avoiding being involved and around the other person. The only thing she lied about was not telling anyone of her attraction to her bil or telling everyone he was also into her. She didn't cheat on anyone, tried to avoid being around him to the point her sil thought she didn't like their family, and did her best to keep her marriage going until she felt she was being neglected. Even than, she chose to leave rather than cheat. Aside from existing in space around the bil she didn't do anything to attract him. Her thinking about her bil is no different than married dudes watching porn (and if you don't think watching porn is cheating than you need to put your stone down). Outside of her mind she never did anything and even than she still felt bad. She tried to make it work, she tried to be supportive. Is she supposed to hurt her husband, his sister, their families for the sake of honesty? Because she cheated in her mind? People online slam cheaters so badly for not just leaving or for not trying to work it out first. Here we have someone doing just that but people are still going on about how 'awful' she is.
And they would still call her an evil b if she had asked for a divorce when she first discovered her crush for her BIL because how could she kot try to make things work and she chose the easy way out.... People sickens me so much with their moral high ground. Nothing that she would have done in this situation would have been good enough for these fools.
I get nobody will agree with me, but … it seems like OP’s husband and sister never understood that their spouses were supposed to be their primary relationships. They both came first in each other’s lives. I don’t think OP ever really liked BIL, he was just a man who showed her affection when her own husband didn’t and got confused. At some point you have to realize your spouse is more important than your sibling or your relationship will fall apart. OP never cheated. She didn’t even have an emotional affair. Please look up the definition of that if you think she did - it’s not having a slight crush on someone from a distance and never talking to them again. This is just a group of people who are better off on their own.
I understand most of the points but why are people saying she pushed everyone away? She was only pushing away BIL and when he was out of the picture, tried to be there for SIL with her husband as well as include them in her life only to be told to stay away and partially abandoned by her husband
People who think the wife is playing victim card aren’t quiet understanding the situation. First of all, the wife doesn’t come form a very well connected family so it was already rough for her to channel her emotions. Secondly, You can’t control your feeling/attraction but you can control your actions. Her mistake in all this was not telling her husband about her reason (when she was avoiding SIL and BIL). The husband on the other hand, should have tried to create a balance instead of picking sides
@@cohock the story you just heard....OP did another post were she casted SIL in an awful light guilt tripped her hubby (who knew why BIL left his sister) so no OP is trash
ye like why are u even having feelings for some one if ur in a marrige OR u have to confront it to ur partner. Communication is a crucial part in a relationship
@@kamleshpandey8655ya and her husband abandoned and neglected her for months. Would even communicate back when she texted. Any time she said she was lonely he called her selfish. She tried to help sil and was shut down . Husband is the worst, I'm glad she left him
Okay I get her having feelings for her SB is wrong, however, he confessed and didn’t act on them, she was actively guilty and refused to do anything. Emotions are not simple to control and despite having those feelings she didn’t act on any of them. Her husband however, regardless of it being his sister, refused to hear her out when she openly tried to communicate, and called her selfish for wanting even a little time with him. Saying she has no compassion for family yet turning her down when she asks to come with and be supportive? Yes having feelings like that while married is wrong and she should have probably gone to therapy for it, but she did nothing physically or verbally to show those emotions, she didn’t act and was trying to save her marriage. I honestly feel bad for her
May be, but she never revealed the reason why she is uncomfortable and the ending seems as if she mostly cares about herself with the „My heart belongs to nobody but me.“ and her wanting casual sex. And she acts too much like a victim
All the people who demonize her are full of shit honestly. I mean, how many of them would have simply given into their emotions and just cheated while OP on the other hand fought hard to put her marriage first all the while her husband prioritize his sister over his marriage.
@@anime-channel7209Perhaps it's because for once she'll get to prioritize herself and not her marriage that her husband utterly destroyed by neglecting her.
What the hell even is emotional cheating? Cause from what I’m getting from all these comments it’s just having feelings for someone else whilst in a relationship, because that’s not cheating at all? Having emotions for someone else while in a relationship is completely normal and fairly common, it doesn’t make ANYONE wrong to have feelings for someone that’s not their partner, what makes you wrong is acting on them and to be quite fair if you feel a bigger connection to someone else it’s honestly better to divorce or break up, of course it’s better to also take time to consider how you actually feel cause emotions are complex and confusing, but it would save you the stress, and guilt, the depression, and envy, the decision making and whether or not the people are good or bad, is debatable, I believe everyone is purely acting off emotion and no one is in their right mind but I don’t have any clear opinions.
I am srry what If my bf is love with someone else But if he doesn't act on it Doesn't that mean it is nothing wrong ? Y'all go through so many loopholes to justify cheating
@@KpopOpinionatorCheating is an active action you take against your partner. Having feelings for someone other than your partner isn't an active action, it's feelings which we have absolutely 0 control on.
why is everyone saying shes the problem? she DIDNT emotionally cheat, she AVOIDED any kind of cheating! she probably should have shared that her brother in law confessed to her, but she intentionally did not confess her own feelings! shes not a lying cheater, she just didnt want to make a bigger mess. shes not a good person in this situation, but shes not actually doing anything wrong other than keeping a destructive secret that isnt her fault. she went out of her way to stop being around him so she wouldnt make things worse. her husband was selfish, her sister in law was selfish, her brother in law got out. her husband and sister in law seem to have some unhealthy relationship dynamics, if her issues with getting divorced come before maintaining his own relationship with his wife. no one in this situation is handling it well, but at least she didnt actually do anything wrong. her brother in law made a move on her that she deflected, her sister in law called her selfish so she tried to include them in the trip, her husband told her she has no empathy so she kept giving him chances. she clearly tried where everyone else didnt.
Because she is keeping her husband on a leash while not loving him, literally if she wants a divorce the only thing she has to do is tell the truth. But she doesn't want to do that because her husband would leave her and not the other way around, so like this she can claim the moral high ground. Just one of 30 reasons why she is a major bitch
@@9thEditsShe loved him. Perharps not the same way she did BIL, but she married him and choose to stay committed to him despite having no control of feeling attracted to her BIL. If she didn't love her husband she wouldn't have stayed committed to him and would have left the moment BIL divorced his wife. Nobody can control their fantasies or their attraction, but one can choose if they will act on it or not. OP made the choice of staying faithful and committed to the man she married.
I'm sorry everyone, but honestly being in a really long relationship, sometimes, you get feelings you can't control, and I honestly think she handled them well, she separated as she understood what was going on, that isn't emotionally cheating for me. She clearly loved him, but she did not feel appreciated enough as it shows
![[Full Story] I fell in love with my brother in law and unintentionally made him divorce his wife.](/img/logo.svg){kind=logo}
