Soft White Underbelly interview and portrait of Matthew, functional heroin addict in San Francisco. For ad-free, uncensored versions of SWU videos, as well as some exclusive videos please subscribe to: / softwhiteunderbelly
This dude, as well as 99% of others on this channel that share their stories deserve help, not to be criminalized and looked down upon. Our world is severly lacking in empathy.
Addiction is a beast that many people can't understand until they have had to live with it in some way. This man is soooo strong. True inspiration. Help is far less prevalent than it should be.
wow this was me. i was a “functional” heroin addict for 4 years (pills for a few years before that). then everything fell apart over the course of one month. job caught me n got fired, fiancé left, lost the apartment, and boom i was homeless. took a couple years on the streets in/out of rehabs jails n hospitals to finally give up n give sobriety a shot. just took 5yrs sober this april. it gets better bro, way better, just keep trying and don’t die.
Same. I was a functional addict owned a gym and teaching aerobics classes while being an IV heroine user for years - then in the course of a short time I lost it all and had nothing. Now I’m sober 6 years. Functional addict only lasts so long.
This is eerily similar to me minus the years on the street & rehabs. I just got into a hotel + did self-rehab with subs - but everything else is *exactly* the same with the pills then H, and the job, girlfriend, apartment ha. Clean 3.5 years now. Hope you're well!
Oh he’s sweet now you should see them when they’re out of supply. Me and my friends had a friend like this we would only see him on the first when his checks came in because that’s when he was sane enough to be around. Come later on in the month and it was a completely different person all together
this guy literally made this interview when he was in the middle of the selection process for a job and he shared his story anyway, amazing guy and story
I like this dude a lot. He's so genuine, raw, and I believe he's telling the truth. He's aware of his faults, and he accepts responsibility for his current situation, and it's so refreshing. I'm cheering for you sir, get well soon Matthew!
Im sorry for your tragic loss, I know you miss your son everyday. You can educate your grand daughter and teacher her her father was ill and didnt die in vane. Dont blame yourself either, it's not your fault. We cant change the past but we can change and help the current and right now you're learning so much about your son's issues and raising his beautiful child, you are the back bone of the generation lost in this mess with raising the smallest victims of it so the cycle doesnt repeat. If no ones thanked you, thank you for your strength and continuing on doing the right thing. We are all victims of this whether its ourselves as the addicts, the parents, family and friends, or the children. Compassion and caring for one another will get us through. Bless you.
Blessed be the grandparents ,who are silently raising another generation of children , due to the drug use in our country. So many children have lost parents to prison or death 😭.
He needs his own channel, there's an aura and charisma about him I cannot fathom, but definitely makes me want to see more of him and above all see him succeed and thrive, we're rooting for you man, there is a way out
@@LordBonesaw Came here to say this! He’s very abusive, I know him in real life and he threatened me so bad I had to block him on everything. He should NOT have this kind of platform, he really scared me and made me fear for my safety
man I'm not even an addict but i feel like this guy is more functional than I am. takes a lot of mental strength to speak so openly about such a devastating thing and still have the energy and will to work 2 jobs and afford to live in SF. hope you get back on your feet and accomplish everything you're capable of Matthew!
Yep. The withdrawals are absolutely horrible. I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Maybe two people. However yes you cannot think of anything but getting the drug for the next fix.
@@chris7077 There's zero reason for you to be a dick, man. Just bc you don't get it, doesn't mean to have to act like an asshole about it. Obviously you've never had to deal with any of this, and you should consider that a blessing my friend. Don't be a dick.
I hate to think how many intelligent and capable people are in his position. Stuck with no disposable income to cover the gap if they’re not working and not able to afford treatment just getting by paycheck to paycheck 😢
i'm not saying he's not smart, but intelligence doesn't necessarily equal functionality/stability. he's able to function somewhat normally because he can compartmentalize and separate his addiction from other facets in his life, but that situation can change very quickly if he doesn't get help.
Intelligence isn’t a deterrent from addiction. Im sure you agree that very addict has potential. What gives him an abundance of it is his sweet, deep heart and his tender appreciation for the fragility of life. Still being in touch with that is a powerful necessity for hope. His humility, his awareness, his sense of responsibility (even to make sure he wasn’t misleading in his first video), his soul is wonderful. And I’ve seen this in so many addicts. I wish I could show them what I see in them.
My husband was a functional heroin addict. I truly didn’t know he was using when we had first started dating. When I found out, he went and sought treatment. He’s been 3 years clean. And it’s been a come up since. There is always hope.
Same story here. I had been using heroin since before I met my girlfriend and it wasn’t until after 4 months of living together that she caught me mixing some up once. I had been trying to taper down/quit for a long time but having hid it from every soul I know I didn’t have any support to get me through it. It wasn’t until she caught me, was understanding, and supported me in my effort to get sober that it finally happened. I really do thank God for her and that day and Im sure you husband feels the same way.
@@ambi3nttech That's so amazing bro! I hate to think of who i'd be if I never met my girl. It's good to know we've been low but now kickin' ass n living life!
I've been on methadone for years. It has saved my life. I'm on a low dose currently and working on weaning off. I went from escorting, being homeless, addicted to opiates and fentanyl patches and also addicted to crack, to graduating with my Master's degree this coming December then pursuing a PhD afterwards. I'm a single mom to a son who has autism and a moderate intellectual disability. Sometimes I wish he could interview me. I want to show the world that people absolutely can change! If it wasn't for methadone then I'd be dead or in prison. Unfortunately I never had much of a chance because my family got me started on drugs from a young age.
Good luck on jumping off the done it was tuff for me and I was back at square one in a lot of ways I pray you have a better time and are stronger than I am
Good for you, for some people I know methadone is a permanent life decision only because once off the hormone imbalance rears its head and life gets out of control fast. Opiates over years change dopamine receptors too, ibogaine has helped many reset their brains but it does not fix everyone. I just hope for the best for you.
Damn. This dude was me. I thought I was functional until I wasn’t. I got so tired of it and finally surrendered. Going into my 4th year clean and sober. You got this Matthew.
“I don’t have the luxury to disappear”.. that hit me SO hard and I cried too. I had a full time job, husband and children. I had to get clean at home.. no rehab.
Same. I did it before my girl got pregnant thank god. Luckily I’m a restaurant manager and it’s easy to line up another job and I had some PTO saved up. I told my boss I’ve been on drugs the entire time you’ve known me. I’m taking a couple weeks to get my shit together. If I don’t have a job when I get back I totally understand… they had my back. Honesty goes a long way.
@@kevincorso7929 even when it doesnt go a long way. Its still worth it. It makes it easier to live with decisions. Even when my honesty has gotten me into trouble. I have the consolation that at least i was being truthful.
@@kevincorso7929 Don't mean this to be rude but restaurant workers and their drugs go together like pb and jelly. Glad ya got sober man. Is it hard knowing alot of the people you work with are getting high?
I see a lot of myself in this guy. I was a functional heroin addict for years, till I wasn’t. I finally got locked up for most of 2019 and then put in drug court for a bumpy ride but I finally figured it out. I just graduated Drug Court last Thursday and I have 15 months of sobriety.
I’m glad these videos with Matthew are changing the way people see addicts. The fact that people were so surprised by how much they “liked” him, or how he doesn’t “look like” an addict was strange to me. Addiction is a disease and we need to treat it as such.
end of the day we are all human and no one is perfect. everyone has their own problems. he has a drug problem but seems like a kind hearted guy. theres people that dont do drugs but are mean miserable assholes to everyone around them. No body is perfect
Nah. It’s not a disease. That’s borderline disrespectful to people with actual diseases that can’t help what they have. Think about all the people with cancer who lived healthy lives and did everything right. Only to get something out of their control and are dying of it. Vs a person who can choose to stop using a drug. But doesn’t want to bad enough.
When he spoke about Amanda and began crying I knew this man was different. He pays attention. He knows what he needs to do. I’m glad he is on his way to starting that process of healing and I hope all the best for Matt and that he gets sober and continues to push himself forward in his recovery.
I cried off that part it’s so touching to me how Amanda is helping others with Sobriety with her story. Before she passed her purpose was to help others with her story while in the process of being sober & even though she has passed her stories still impacting others. 🕊
Matthew seems like a great person. He is not his addiction. For anyone dealing with addiction and/or depression, don’t give up on yourself. No one has the right to judge you. You are valued. Thank you, Matthew for sharing some of your story with us.
You can do it buddy… I was on hard drugs (heroin and meth mainly but would do anything available for 12+ years). Next month I’ll be clean 2 years and it feels amazing. You got this brother.
Psychedelics are just an exceptional mental health breakthrough. It's quite fascinating how effective they are against depression and anxiety. Saved my life.
Can you help with the reliable source I would really appreciate it. Many people talk about mushrooms and psychedelics but nobody talks about where to get them. Very hard to get a reliable source here in Australia. Really need!
Yes, dr.sporesss. I have the same experience with anxiety, depression, PTSD and addiction and Mushrooms definitely made a huge huge difference to why am clean today.
I wish they were readily available in my place. Microdosing was my next plan of care for my husband. He is 59 & has so many mental health issues plus probable CTE & a TBI that left him in a coma 8 days. It's too late now I had to get a TPO as he's 6'6 300+ pound homicidal maniac. He's constantly talking about killing someone. He's violent. Anyone reading this Familiar w/ BPD know if it is common for an obsession with violence.
We are pulling for you bro!! Was in your boat for many years..God bless you and your story resonates with alot of us cause so many of us have been in this boat..
After 20 plus years of heavy opiate usage , countless relapses never making it through the horrfic withdrawals, im finally 8 months clean , i know you can kick this and start living
John Boy, 8 months is a huge victory and you should be very proud of your self. I am ten years clean and if l can do it , you sure as hell can. God bless and stay strong.
My mom has been clean from heroin for 12 years almost. I'm super proud of you for wanting to get help. The fact that you're willing to take that step says a lot about who you are and I wish you the best of luck
Your helping so many people way more than you can imagine being open and honest about all this so thank you so much. And wish you all the best on beating this . I’m sure you will.
Matthew, your friend Jenna is my hairdresser & friend. She told me about this video today. Your videos blew me away. I’ve been sober for 15 years and my life today is beyond my wildest dreams. You are inspiring thousands upon thousands of people, so I came here to say THANK YOU for raising awareness & saving lives out here. You’re an incredible individual. ♥️
This is not a show!!! This is a social and artistic project, completely maintained by Mark Laita with minimal help from others (if not at all). A RU-vid channel where he uploads snippets of someone's life, told first hand. No rules, no catch, just raw interviews! Stop calling everything a show!
Functioning alcoholic, first steps toward getting better. Willing to admit I can't keep up this pace and something needs to change. Thank you for your videos. Helps me to have hope that I can choose a better life. THANK YOU MATTHEW
I've gone through the exact same shit with alcohol. but I can get it right around the corner anytime before 2AM. My last "relapse" I could barely walk to the store to get it. I was nearly there and my legs began to shake and I thought I was going to collapse; I was near death. I've been sober/clean since November. Working, feeling good, staying busy. Death is starting to scare me and I'm trying my best to stay focused and positive. Life is really too short and it will pass you by if you let it. It's such a cycle in my life that I need to break. Really love being alive but if I drink I go down this deep dark hell hole. Just don't stop trying, It's never too late. I hope the best for all people struggling with addiction
Yeah, I was drinking myself to death, all kinds of problems. Them my mom got dementia and something snapped inside me and i quit. I know I cant drink again, or I will go back down the rabbit hole. Still have my battles with mental illness, but I want to live and love.
He reminds me sooo much of myself. I remained a fully functioning addict throughout almost my entire addiction. I had a good job, girlfriend, apartment, family, and nobody knew a thing. But eventually, it DID fall apart. Everything. In a very short period of time. Thankfully it didn't take me too long after that to seek treatment. I've been sober for 10 years now. I see so much of myself in this guy. He's intelligent and motivated. I know he will overcome this.
Same thing. $120 to$ 300 per day Oxy habit for 5-6 years. 6 car crashes in one year, lost apartment, girlfriend, bad credit, lost every corporate job after about a year of having it, gained 30 pounds… I don’t even remember much towards the end because I was on a bad 2-3mg Xanax habit the last year and a half….
I see myself in his speech and personality. Its awesome how we can see the similarities in others, and have the same story, but have never met. Coming up on 2 years soon and I wouldnt trade it for anything. Big blessings
I had a good friend who was a heroin/opiate addict. He was so intelligent and very charismatic and motivated. I always thought in the back of my mind one day hes gonna quit all of this shit and be super successful. The sad reality is all it takes is that next hit or shot and that very well could be your last. Unfortunately he never made it out of that hell. RIP brother I miss ya.
This man is screaming for help. I've been in addiction my self for years and I was screaming for help just like he is for years. I finally got sober and it's the best thing I've done. I hope he finds help.
I'm glad Matthew came back to do a follow up so he could elaborate on his negative consequences. When he teared up about Amanda I really felt for him. I hope that he can get help as soon as possible. Matthew, I hope you can see what an awesome guy you are. You are worth fighting for, you deserve to have a happy and healthy life. Good luck Matthew, sending you my love and encouragement 💞
@@wfdjmcgee125 addiction is not a disease but a genetic weakness and lack of impulse control. and once a person gets hooked their brain chemistry changes and they stop producing neuro transmitters that make you feel good.
He’s very honest and I appreciate him coming back to clarify things as to not make it seem more “fun” than it is !! It’s hard to do this once but to come back and clear things up for everyone.. he really cares about his situation and wants to change it and he wants to ensure that he reaches as many as possible with the reality of this drug.. He wants and deserves help .. I hope that he gets it and good help so that he can walk away from this drug and maybe go on to volunteering to help others !! I wish you the best and please don’t give up on getting the life back you deserve
This scares me. Me and him are a year apart and I can hear myself in him. I've avoided any "hard" drugs my whole life but the draw is always there, especially with my mental health issues. "Maybe I should try (insert drug here) to kill what I'm feeling" is a thing I consider on a regular basis. This video helps me stay away, but it also tells me how fine the line I'm walking is.
Don’t fuck with opiates at all unless you’re in the hospital in absolute agony. No ONE person can avoid getting hooked if they’re on it long enough. it gets anyone who gets too close. You don’t even want to know how bad opioid withdrawal really is. Stick to pot and maybe mushrooms if ur in an okay headspace
if you can, please search for help, therapy helped me so fucking much, i changed therapists twice as the first didnt correspond to me and what i was looking for, im glad i didnt give up on it after realizing my first therapist wasnt for me, there are countless of specialized therapists in tons of different fields, i know it is expensive but in the end i would rather spend my money on therapy than on drugs... and i hope you would feel the same, its not embarrassing, its not a bad thing, i think we've all considered doing stupid shit when going through stuff, i wish you the best, take care of yourself and do not get distracted or lose hope, you'll find what you need i can assure you, much love
I’m so baffled at your personal strength. You may not see it i think anyone that watches this and struggles with mental (addiction) health is so proud of you. You have self awareness… follow that.. follow that💜
Just finished watching the first video and I was hoping if there was a follow up ! So glad to see there are other videos of Mathew . I pray and send him best wishes . Hope he gets the help he wants . You’re great Matthew and you can do it !
I just want to give him a hug! You can tell he's hurting but also genuinely so concerned with how he's affecting those around him. Very sensitive man that feels so deeply and that just gets hard sometimes, even without a drug habit. Best of luck to you! You deserve health and happiness and to be rid of this burden weighing you down!
My uncle has been a heroin addict for almost a decade now. He was very functional for awhile like you but things spiraled out of control where he lost his job and has been living in a tent in the woods over the past 3 years. i tried to help him get clean last year but he chose to go back on heroin as opposed to warm bed and family. I still talk to him regularly and all he talks about is how his life was before his addiction because it’s like his mind is in a constant state of tug of war. You are a genuinely good person and I know you can beat this. I love that you’ve been so open and have touched so many people including me ❤️
@@MatthewAndrewDrake Yes! My little brother is a 4 time combat vet (Afghanistan and Iraq). He suffers from extreme PTSD and a TBI. He started taking hydrocodone and got addicted to it. Those combat tours changed him DRASTICALLY. He's too "manly" to get help for the TBI. He has been battling his addiction to heroin, crack, meth, and anything he can get his hands on. He's been to SO MANY rehabs, but, he always leaves and goes back to the drugs. He's not been in his 11 yr. olds life for 8 years. He will make promises to her then break them. He is now back in the rehab facility...he's just not ready to change. One of the guys goes to FL and buys ZAZA pills for him. He is wasting his life, and it kills us! Out of 6 kids, I'm the only one that talks to him. My father keeps tabs on him, though. My little brother is more than just a little brother to me. He is more like my child, and best friend. My father left after 22 years of marriage. We found out that we had/have a little sister from ONE of my dad's affairs. I was 13, my little brothers were 6 and 4. We three changed when all that (and so much more) happened. I pretty much became their mother. I hate remembering the past, because it hurts. My little brother gets a disability check from the VA every month....$1700.00, and he spends it on drugs or gambles it away...doesn't pay child support. I want my baby brother back! Please, PLEASE, say a prayer for him.
@@bunnybugs280 I don't know how available this treatment is to your brother but, the military have been using psychedelics with PTSD vets and having positive results. Worth investigating.🙏❤
Matt, I hope you read this: I'm 45 days clean today. I used for 12 years straight. 4 with pills, 8 with real H(thankfully, I had an amazing real plug for a long time). Making 6 figures a year never helped, but, I remember all to well looking at the last gram out of an ounce. I used an ounce a week, for 5 years. I'll never get that time, or money back(per se), but: i met some of the best people that are still good friends, that otherwise I never would have met.... thanks to H. These last 45 days have been the best days of my life that I can remember in a long time. I wasn't forced, nobody told me I had to. I got tired of spending 1800 every Sunday. I got to a point where I hated it. In 12 years, I've overdosed once. Thats it. Now, im here, and taking it day by day. If I can do it, you can too. I was so scared to quit, but, I had to. You can do it.
@@k_xxo any time. Ofc I will, simply bc I really got tired of it. Do you know the song "falllin" by Alicia keys? Thats how I felt about my addiction for a long time. I loved heroin. Truthfully, I did. I never stuck a needle in my arm, bc I didn't have to. I achieved the same thing with just snorting it. My childhood, and horrid family "follows" me to this very day. H was my coping mechanism. My dad left when I was 9, and my mom was a total pos, calling me stuff that you'd get hurt calling a grown man. Shes still that way to this very day, and I have nothing to do with her. She'll text me from my step dads phone talking $hit. Blows my mind a 58 year old woman can act that way for the 30 years I remember. She's piss poor, living in a trailer, paycheck to paycheck. Yet, to her, im everything under the sun, in the worst way, bc I just "disgust her, since I was raised better than that".....I could go on for a literal hour. Heroin allowed me to not hurt her, and just ignore everything. Ugh, I hate that bitch. If someone called me right now and said "your mother just died", I would seriously tell them thanks for the good news.
I know how you feel bud. Im 44 days clean. I cold turkey off of 150mg methadone. The withdrawal process is easier when you mentally ready to get clean. All the despression, anxiety, insomnia, etc. i toke it in stride knowing it will get better each day. Plus as addicts that what we were numbing with these substances. Good luck and Congrats on your progress!
@@CASoxFan12 I was never crazy enough to use subs or methadone, lol fuck that. I dont want those wd's. Methadone pills were my 2nd favorite behind roxis. I would eat 10 coffins and enjoy my day lol. I used to get 180 of them for 500 dollars from an old man
I want so badly for Matthew to get clean. It breaks my heart seeing such genuine and beautiful people fight the war within themselves that is addiction. I've been clean since 2018 and it feels so good to have no strings on me.
I’m almost a month clean off all substances and meds. We did a third interview when I started treatment and we’re doing a one year update later this week!
I'm in rehab right now on a 90 day program I am 70 days in sober and never been happy in my life without drugs until now. I been on pain pills since 16. And started heroine at 28 biggest regret of my life. But I'm clean now!!
I am so fucking proud of myself for kicking fentanyl and crack. I remember VERY VIVIDLY the feeling of waking up sick as fuck. I remember the feeling of running out and panicking, not knowing when I'm gonna be able to get more. Get clean brother, use suboxone, it saved my life. Suboxone got me off fentanyl 1.5 years ago, and i tapered suboxone after 2 years and jumped off at .13mg and felt ZERO withdrawals. It is possible.
Im getting closer to the end of suboxone as well I take about .5mg a day You give me hope about the withdrawal bc im scared shitless when i finally stop completely
I am so fucking proud of you too and I am so fucking proud of myself for quitting cigarettes. I was hooked for years...praying for you and everyone trying to get well.
I could give you a good interview!! Alaskan oil rig worker in the past that has done and seen it all. Almost lost it all and this interview hits home. Almost lost my family and everything but now have custody and turned it around. To you all struggling stay strong and don’t think or give in to the sickness. It is and will be easier the more headstrong you become!! Much love to all.
Hey Matt, I'm 36 and have been addicted for over 20 yrs. I started the same way with scripts from the doctor. I have been, at quite a few times in my life, a functional heroin addict and I just want to thank you for being so open and honest. I was also a lifeguard and water safety instructor for awhile lol and I just think you're the best. There's something super endearing and humble about you that I just love and I want to ask you to please be patient and kind with yourself. I felt deeply all the times throughout this video that you had that lump in your throat and you fought back the tears and that pain is something very difficult to talk about. I think you did an awesome job representing for all of us "functional ish" opiate addicts. I am just like you where I don't nod out or get all messed up I just feel normal and actually feel like more of myself with the drug than without it. Any significant amount of clean time I've ever had (I believe the longest period ever was about 18-20 months) has always left me feeling like something was missing. Who knows how much of that is real or perceived idk but I do know that I find myself wondering far too often if there's such thing as an "old heroin addict" bcuz tbh idk if I'll ever be able to beat it nor do I know how badly I want to (the mental preparation that goes into preparing for that pain and sacrifice that you suffer through getting clean is difficult at best to go through) and most days I'm absolutely not in the mood to even think about it. Sorry this is so long gosh, what I really want to say is thank you for being you, thanks for your honesty and courage, you are a valuable and cared for member of society who makes a contribution to us all and I'm extremely grateful you put yourself out there regardless if you're clean or not. You are not less than or any worse of a person if you are using, you matter no matter what 🙂🙃😉❤
I really hope you get clean dude. You seem like such a great guy that has so much to offer the world. Stay strong, accept all the help you can get, and appreciate that you deserve help. You deserve a better life. Never ever think that you don't because those thought demons are simply not true. Accepting this truth is the hardest part and usually the beginning to better things. Best of luck and much love bud.
How Matthew is not head hunted by a TV outfit to present or host is mind boggling. Guy is so charismatic and likeable it's no brainer. Unfortunately say the issue highlighted is why but if turned around it's onwards and upwards. Guy is quality and above all a genuine beautiful soul.
I would venture to add, you also have a Room mate or partner that loves you enough to pick up on the days you falter on money, & making sure you have clean clothes , food etc So you are in all reality dependant on you enablers yet sober days vs high hadn't tipped the scales in your sitting on the curb. This young man has explained selling car after car to buy his last night's binge . That means he still has resources ,job, parents, that know s the other is there & knows he will try his hardest to stay clean.
Thank you for this, I lost my mother to AIDS due to her shooting up heroin when I was just a baby and never really understood the thought process of it all.
As someone with ADHD, I get how substances can be so alluring because they block out so much of the noise in the brain. I have definitely used to black out to get a break from the racing thoughts and anxiety of my ADHD. My brain needed a vacation. Now that I am properly diagnosed therapy and a prescribed stimulant have taken away that burnt out urge to go into the void.
@@MatthewAndrewDrake hey man do you have Face book??? U and I are almost exactly alike in alot of ways. I too smoke H and am a "functional" addict as in i have a job and a home and what not. I habe PTSD/depression and just would like to some how follow you man. You remind me so much of my self.
I’ve never heard someone able to completely relay my way of thinking until I watched this video. When I say “I get it, dude” I really mean it. I get it, dude.
Now that's a man. Very open and in touch with himself. Maybe he went through shit but you wouldn't be able to tell with how strong and resilient he is. I understand the fact he doesn't have the luxury to disappear. God I pray he gets the help he so deserves 🙏
He genuinely seems like a really nice guy, I hope his medical comes through asap and he gets the help he deserves and needs. Hopefully in a few months time there’s an update video of him being clean and free from the hold it has over his life. Think I can speak on behalf of everyone watching, we all hope you succeed and beat the habit.
Ah Matthew. You’re a special chap! Your honesty is incredible. I so hope and pray that you can find a way to kick the evil addiction! You don’t need that horrible stuff to fit in. Just being yiy is enough!❤️
I would love that too! It would help so many people, I feel like people who are functional addicts compare themselves to traumatic situations/homeless people to feel like they have it under control
@@MissSweetieShortie absolutely 100%. My dad was a highly functional alcoholic. He's sober now and still very successful but my aunt, his younger sister, is going thru the same now. Be useful to hear other's stories
Also, those on looking who have a functional addict in their family can see it from another viewpoint (thats also likely held by their own kin)... To Carl hart point of using drugs not being the worst thing someone can do and with education people can be less likely to slip into addiction {which until his points I was like man education ain't gone do ish, as a person in recovery} (brutal boil down of his points)... I think this mini series would help the rest of the world see and help other addicts admit they want to quit but don't know how to do so without ruining their rep, how family looks at them.... Etc
i relate all too well.. all too well. So glad to see Matthew's recovery journey in the suggested videos. Matthew if you see this, we are all inspired and we are all proud. I bet the view is much nicer at the top of the hill you, i, and others that relate are climbing... keep with it my friend!
I love the honesty! This is really a great articulation of how withdrawal works. I would have considered myself a functional addict at one point and I absolutely identify with him! I currently co-own a real estate development company as well as having two college kiddos & a 9 year old. This guy touched my heart ♥️! His desire to set the record straight is commendable. Mark - you aren’t just providing entertainment you are changing lives .
@@penelopepitstop401 it doesn’t last and things fall apart SOMEWHERE trust that . Money disappears but some people can still look /act somewhat normal. But ya shit falls apart somewhere no doubt.
You can do this Matthew. You got all us behind you! The amount of good you’ve done for bringing awareness for functioning addictions is already huge. Taking steps towards sobriety would help people monumentally. Thanks for your honesty, your making a difference out here
@hellnoIdontwantmynameonyt thank you yes I’m on subs only been 18 days but I feel wayyyy better and more happy and focused. The crazy thing was I thought the drugs were helping me feel those ways
Hi Matthew! I started self medicating my undiagnosed PTSD, depression and anxiety with OxyContin and fentanyl from 2004-2006. I started methadone on Dec. 19, 2006 and I’ve been on the program ever since, getting a week of takehomes since 2008. It does suck to have to rely on a drug, but I view methadone as my antidepressant medication basically. It keeps the depression at bay just enough and it beats the alternative of me shooting up pain pills and barely surviving so many overdoses. I do wish I could just wake up in the morning and feel normal and excited for the day like everyone else, but we have to work with the cards we are dealt. I heard you speak about depression and I can relate to what you were saying & we’re around the same age. I would’ve never touched drugs had I never been born with such severe genetic depression and anxiety. Anyway, I’m a good judge of character and I can already tell that you are going to have huge successes and amazing memorable moments in life. You’ve functioned and made it this far and I know you are going to make this world a better place…you already have by sharing your story. Much love! 😊💗
I would love an update on how Matthew is doing now, what he has done now that his health insurance has kicked in. He seems like such a genuinely good person just stuck in a bad situation. I truly wish the absolute best for him
@@MatthewAndrewDrake fellow sf ex addict here man. This is huge what you're doing here... not only the stigma of addiction but for those of us saddled with it. I hope to shake your hand one day, I live in the Loin, the nicer part near geary lol. hang in there cant wait to see the update
The fact that Matthew came on during a 'happy' day and felt the responsibility to come on again and tell the rest of his story says alot about the guy. I really hope that he can get this under control and live a normal life as I feel that's what he longs for Best of luck bro!
This content is invaluable in its capacity to help its truly a brilliant endeavor. Much respect to the producer cinematographer and interviewer will be resourced for decades
Matthew, I say take a leap of faith and go for it. You only live once. Think about how much greater your life can be. Honesty is important and the struggle is real. I think finding a positive outlet is one of the greatest cures for depression. I personally love to roller skate and listen to good music... it’s the best natural high for me. You can absolutely do this!
Ive been clean for 12 years from shooting heroin and everything else. In Jan of 2009 when i finally got clean I was doing all the excuses of not being able to put "life" on hold. But got a warrant and didn't want to go to jail again. So finally decided to go to in-patient for 45 days and hideout. Then went to long-term treatment after that and somewhere around the 6 month mark shit started to stick. Me taking that year to do treatment was best thing i ever could've done. When finally turned myself in too all charges were dropped cuz i had done so much treatment and AA/NA meetings. The whole saying u cant disappear for a year is just the addiction talking. Realistically if look at last year of any addicts life usually doesn't amount to shit anyways. Take a few months or more go away and fix yourself who cares about a rental room or stuff if everything else in life is trash. It will be worth it in the long run. And before you know it a year of your life will actually be worth not missing. Now at 40 years old Im married with kids and a regular life if I can do it u can do it.
@@paulgee8253 yeah it was a motivation for me to stay in rehab. Then the longer i stayed the more it started to stick. At first i just went to avoid going back to jail. But then after like 6 months started thinking i could stay sober.
@@ericcloud1023 in lots of states if u have no job or dont make enough money u can fill out for state insurance. Lots of the rehabs will take u then help u fill out for the insurance while u there. Wouldve been harder probably if i was working and had money when i finally decided to get clean. Just start calling and going to places because lots of places work with u on the not being able to afford it.
been dealing with addiction my entire life. parents were addicts and when i turned 18 in 2019 it really really got a lot worse. my father passed away the year after i graduated and nothing has been the same. praying for this genuinely good man. we’re all in it together brother stay strong and stay away from the needles no matter what homie.🤘🏻
As someone who lost a few friends to drug addiction, watching these videos makes me wish i would’ve had these conversations with them to try and understand what they were going through. I always wanted to start a program to help people in need and these videos really shine a light on drug addiction in different way. We are all human. We are all trying. God bless.
Yeah sure buddy ur Jesus and u can save these people if u really were that type of person u would talk to the homeless people u walk past every single day I legit hate u type of people
Hi Mark. I am from Turkey. I watch your videos. Sometimes I cry for these people while watching their videos especially Amanda's death broke me. Through your videos, I realize how difficult people's lives are, and how neglected in childhood will result in the future. If you can raise awareness for a person who is far from your country, society and culture, you have done a lot for your country. Your work is so admirable. As a person of this world I mysef thank you very much.
The phone thing, the notifications, that hit home big time for me. I wish I was a young adult in the early 90s not now. I wish I could trash my phone but obviously I can't.
I just know this helped him a lot because as he said that he doesn’t really speak to anyone about what he’s going through, letting some of this out to a person lifted some pressure off of him. All of us just need someone to talk to. Seeing him freely speak and acknowledge what he’s doing is going to help him alot.
Man keep your head up,I did a 9 month detox then 6 and a half months in rehab,I've got kids I've got a house it can be done bro stay strong,came off Xanax,vicodin, Adderall,oxycontin,oxycodeine,valium,temazapam,tramadol and heroin,I worked through all my addiction,I have bipolar,manic depression and manic personality disorder,so I'm still on anti psychotics and stabilisers it's long road but it can be done stay strong ✌️💯
if you ever read these comments matthew, i really appreciate your interviews coming from a 17 year long opiate addict who's now 2.5 years clean from them....last night i had an opiate dream which i'm sure you have as well and is why i looked up some addict interviews, and it was helpful to hear your story....even if it's not as extreme as saving someone's life like you mentioned in this, you still helped me get through another day so i appreciate you
I’m glad I could help! I haven’t had an opiate dream yet I’m almost a month clean off all substances and meds. I literally dreamed to two hot girls checked into the treatment center I’m at now and recognized me from RU-vid. One can dream 😂
@@MatthewAndrewDrake bahahah, don't be THAT guy at the NA meetings bud :-p. 'preciate the reply you are awesome and I wish only the best for you on your journey
