#shorts Amber shares some bad experiences being approached by fellow Catholics who don't like that she has a job. Dating as a Catholic is hard... Full Episode: • TikTok, Dating Advice,...
I’m married, but if my husband led with saying he doesn’t want me to work, I’d have gladly taken it! 😂 having a career and status in the work field is so bottom of the list. Being a mother and wife is the best job for women who are called into marriage, in my opinion.
@@emonationalist im not talking about that. that's fine. i obviously have no issue with that. but if a guy specifically has a problem with you working / wants you to be financially dependent on him and your not even married? im saying that's really stupid
I think people are misunderstanding her here. It seems like her qualm is the expectation is that she shouldn’t have a job while dating, not when she’s married/has kids. Two very different things
Exactly. It calls into question the intelligence of all those who have completely misunderstood what she said. But there are others on here who agree with the men’s ideas that women should not work if they are single, and should instead be supported by their parents until they are married.
@@kateaddlington5085 That's asking quite a bit of the parents. They did their job in supporting their children when their children could not. One they are grown and able to support themselves I feel parents shouldn't have to unless some, God forbid, accident happens. To dvocate that parents should be supporting their female children, I guess some would say, until they get married is forcing a way of life some hundreds of years ago upon our modern time. That's just plain foolishness.
@@lizicadumitru9683and can u explain why its foolish? Its keeping with tradition, its a valid option since u are of your fathers blood and u r ultimately his responsibility. He still has authority over you which is why he must be asked permission for courtship, for marriage and to give you away
Except that she probably does, just not before she's a wife. I had to work to support myself before marriage. I'm a convert. I didn't come from a family where staying home and helping mom with my siblings or my siblings with their kids was an option. I would love that. I pray my girls can do that. But that is just not a reality for so many.
Not working isn’t traditional in anyway lol throughout history most women had to aid their husbands in supporting the home. Traditional catholicism isn’t 1950s America.
Goodness. People out there just trying to make it harder on themselves. I totally understand women who don't want a job so they can focus on raising their family, and I totally understand men who want their wives to raise the kids instead of having day-care raise your kids for you. But until she's married, a woman still has to support herself. She can depend on her husband when she's married, but "no job even while dating"?! Don't be silly
@@JP2GiannaT sadly, “can’t find a husband by 25” is becoming more and more common. Need to extend grace here; feminism is a hell of a drug to get off of, and most women today don’t even know they’re on it. As i tried to say in my OP, people need to be more open-minded in the present, and not let hopes for the future impede your current options
@@Kenfren locked up in a tower maybe 😂 I’m as traditional as it gets but that’s very stupid! And I did get married before 25. I still needed to work instead sit around and do nothing
@@Kenfren Women want to experience things in life including diverse education, traveling what have you. It's not just about waiting to get married although I would say that's in the forefront of a lot of women's minds as time goes vlby but before that comes into play, we all want to learn about ourselves and others and that means engaging with the outside world and not just waiting to get married. And some if not most of these Endeavors will cost something which of course if one wants to go do they need to be able to pay for it.
I wouldn't mind my girlfriend working but I would hope that when we have children she would want to be a stay-at-home mum and volunteer in the community rather than work a job and that I'd be able to support and provide that lifestyle.
@@bernadinerodrigo9520 It is very reasonable; the thing is can the one person actually provide for a family of say four to five people on one job? And not just basic livings but able to have a vacation at least once a year, get something a little extra special for the kids and the adults in the family. Not just live paycheck to paycheck plus maybe a little float time.
@@lizicadumitru9683 1. It actually works out a lot better in some cases. Me working would put our kids in daycare/private school. Either of which would cost a fortune. I couldn't make enough to cover what it would cost to leave my kids with strangers all day and I don't want to. 2. Putting vacations and "nice things" over the wellbeing of my children (which is what I'd be doing in not fulfilling my roll as a full-time mom) is incredibly selfish. If my kids were going to starve, go without a winter coat, or we were going to lose our house and live on the street, of course I'd get a job. But none of those are an immediate threat and no luxury is worth my children's physical and spiritual health.
Or you could take care of the kids and she could work if she wanted to. Unless you don’t think you want to hang out with your kids 24/7, it should be based on the couple’s preference not one person alone na?
@@lizicadumitru9683 It's based on my ability to support that lifestyle, if that wasn't possible then we wouldn't have it but I'd work my hardest to be able to afford one as close to that as possible.
From experience, I am Catholic and my goal was always to work hard enough to give my wife the option to come home if she ever wanted to. I’ve been married for almost three years and she was working at the beginning of our marriage, but once I began to do well enough she decided to come home now that our first child is on the way. My wife was a great worker who was awesome at her job, but once she had the option to come home she jumped at it. My advice to gentlemen, don’t force it. Let your woman know your goal is to make enough so that she can come home if she wants. Once you get there, just let her know she has the option; you may be surprised with what she chooses. Bless you all❤
Perfect advice! Marriages can’t work when one party is forcing the other. Im so excited to be a wife and (hopefully) stay at home mother but avoiding men who are pushy about it is rule number 1 on my list
I actually wonder if it’s less that men don’t want their girlfriends to work, which honestly makes no sense to me at all, and more that they’re skeptical of a job based around a heavy internet presence. RU-vid/Instagram influencers have a pretty bad rap. Not to disparage what she’s doing, but I absolutely feel that less social media presence is more attractive 99% of the time.
More social media presence - more attention from other guys, more competition. That’s a tough thing for a guy because guy’s know how other guys work and not gonna be fun having your girlfriend hit on by hundreds of competitors each day virtually. Same goes for girls as well as guys
It’s completely good and right to want to marry a woman who will be a homemaker and make that her priority. It’s weird though to expect a woman to be jobless before marriage in this society. It’s financially impossible for 99% of women.
Even to be 100% jobless during marriage. Raising a family is not a full time job in the modern world which is why so many housewives felt unproductive. The problem is that our reaction was to force women into masculine industries and to prioritize their jobs over their family life
I'm not married. I rent a place with my unmarried brothers, couldn't imagine living with my parents. The adult kids who live at home aren't allowed to use the kitchen after 10pm. (Doesn't work for me with my shifts). Having a job develops your confidence and interpersonal skills.
Yes. And women would help with family businesses. See Proverbs 31: *She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides food for her household and portions for her maidens. She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard.* _Proverbs 31:13-16_
The keyword she said is DATING. Of course, when women get married and have children, many become stay-at-home moms. But if you're not married, a lady SHOULD be working in some shape or fashion.
Yeah it's shocking to me the number of comments from men saying that women should basically never work and should just live at home with their parents until they get married. What if God is not calling her to the married life, but she doesn't discern that until she's 30? Then she's supposed to just be able to take care of herself suddenly when she hasn't for the last decade? I totally understand wanting to have a stay-at-home wife, but expecting a woman to never have a job, even prior to marriage and children, is rather crazy. What is she supposed to do all of the time between graduating from highschool and being married? Sit around until prince charming shows up? It's a crazy expectation.
Dating isn’t marriage and I don’t mean that as permissive attitude of being flippant. Your boyfriend isn’t your husband and so it’s fine if he is talking about what his concept of marriage is but for someone you’re not married to shares that you shouldn’t have a job as merely their girlfriend sounds controlling and bizarre. Women staying home to take care of their kids is a blessing and what everyone should try and strive for but asking your girlfriend to not have a job is weird.
Thank you!!!! Going through these comments its crazy to see how many men actually believe her working before a man even dates her is wrong!! They actually proved her point! The fact that one person said she is not normal and that those men are right is crazy. This is actually at a point where the men are abusive in their insecurity and control issues. Its a good red flag for her to narrow down the men not worth dating (even tho one man said he genuinely thinks shes missing out on good men LOL 😂)
@@winter-wb7cf it’s actually quite disturbing. Im glad to see that others such as yourself can see the implications of what is being said in these comments.
@@kateaddlington5085 as a single woman hoping to marry one day, it’s very disturbing. I would gladly give up a career when I’m married but this is just too much.
And it’s a bad thing to place importance on the home, the domestic Church? So many issues exist in society today because the kids are raised by someone other than a parent. As a result, the parents get older and the child, now an adult, thinks having someone else (e.g. a care home) taking care of the parent is perfectly fine. This is what I see as the consequences of the breakdown of the family. Parents abdicated their responsibilities to the schools and now the schools are transitioning the gender of children without telling their parents. It all starts somewhere, and not prioritizing the children in the family, has its effects.
And how are woman supposed to support themselves while they are single or starting to date. Like where do you thing the money for food and rent come from?
While dating is weird. Like, that’s a steep risk for her to take on to quit her job and be reliant on him before marriage. Also not appropriate at all. While married, sure!
How does he expect you to earn money to take care of yourself until you get married? Is he going to sponsor all of his potential wives until he pics 1 and then drops the ones that didn't get selected?
@@arthurhyatt4664 Well it hasn't been that way for at least hundreds of years. a young woman who doesn't work is just dependent on her family now. Not many families have businesses or farms. It's pretty rare now.
This is feminist thinking. Its absolutely within the tradition for men to work and women to not work. The scholastics discuss the finer points of this when discussing how societies should be run, by patriarchs, not matriarchs. The patriarch who is the head of the household forms society with other patriarchs. In the Baltimore catechism its states its wrong for women to work, that they ought to tend to the household and obey their husbands. They may work if they're single or if they somehow have fulfilled their duties and if the husband agrees. The bible and encyclicals also make these things abundantly clear
Women had always *worked* - at home, in the garden and in fields, etc.! What will you call their *work*? Leisure? Besides, house servants, nannies, governesses, house-managers were also women - lower class girls always *worked* (and very hard!) in other people’s houses. Until they got married and after the marriage they *worked* at their homes. Being born a woman never excused anyone from hard physical and mental *work* ! The class of women who mainly “smelled nicely and spent their lives reclined on sofas” was always very exclusive and low in numbers. And even when these women had all the servants and nannies and governesses, they needed to manage the household and help their husbands in their careers and they also did all the charity *work* Will you call it all a “leisure”? Has your mother spent her life on leisure? Your arguing that women do not work is akin to claiming that they were lazy. Half (or more than half) of humanity doing nothing?! All the time in the history? So how these families thrived? How the homes functioned if the mothers did not *work* at homes? Was your mother a lazy, idling woman? People usually form their ideas by judging according to what they saw at their family home.
If you weren’t married and went on a date with a girl, would you demand that she quit her job? Because this is what the video is about, single men demanding that the girls they date not have any jobs.
I think Jordan Peterson hit the nail on the head with a perfect answer. To paraphrase: Women marry diagonally up and across, men equally or down if need be. Put yourself in a higher tier, shrink the pool of eligible spouses. But no worries. I didn’t get married until 35, but knew I was going to marry at 13. All things in Gods time. It was a loooooong 22 years…..I would do so much different.
Yep, that theory plays out perfectly in this scenario. Honestly, I'm pretty confident that those men who rejected her were either intimidated of her status or would feel out of place as men for being with a woman who knows how to work in a high professional field. I see this very often among men, especially those of traditional backgrounds.
@@Kevin-lw2gl can you give some insight on why that is? Not that you would know what they're thinking but this idea of dating down for men are they just looking to be cared for plain and simple?
@@Kevin-lw2gl "Catholic communicator" is just a fancy way of saying that she's unemployed and posts videos on RU-vid and selfies on IG. Not exactly a "high professional" field. More than likely, the men of traditional backgrounds who turned her down were put off by Amber introducing herself on the date by stating she is an e-girl and giving them a business card. If anything, the "What's your real job?" remark suggests they're looking for a woman who is holding down an actual job, not some girl who lives on social media.
I wanna find a guy like that! From my past experiences, it seems like most guys want their girlfriend/ wife to work. I’d love it if my future husband preferred me to stay at home. Working is too stressful and I prefer a simple life anyway.
So I’m going through RCIA and joined a Catholic dating app, and it was disheartening to see how many guys were there talking about how they have had sex before marriage but expect to have a gf/wife who hasn’t. We all have a past, but once you know better you should do better. I learned the hard way why sex is not ideal before marriage. Seems like those guys have too. I just wish there was more forgiveness from both parties and more understanding. I also saw the same sentiment around work, as if being educated and having experience in industry is a bad thing. You can respect and strive for traditional roles and values while still understanding it’s 2022 and not everyone will fit that mold.
I don't think forgiveness is the issue. There are people who dress up their desire to manipulate and control in "holiness." It's just roundabout objectification. There's nothing wrong with a competent wife. We all know the difference between careerism and work. My gut feeling is that it's a power move.
I think those guys are just sleazy :) The last person in the world who would hold someone's sin over them is a saint. We can only repent and strive for virtue.
women having sex before marriage and men having sex before marriage are two different universes entirely. it's not simply "we both sin so we need to look past each others."
@@archie8767 you’re right. I think I’ve just come across some people with unrealistic expectations. Everyone has their standards and expectations, but they have to be rooted in reality. I hope they find what they are looking for and what will help them grow. To add, I have seen a lot of women who suddenly choose to attend church and seek a certain type of man so they can call the shots and be in charge in a sneaky, manipulative way. My parish is full of elderly, so I’m really just there to pray and grow in faith, but I know some other ladies and their motives for going to church are very questionable. I do hope they get it together as well. Just have to pray for everyone!
This is not a black and white issue. Fewer and fewer men are able to financially support a wife and family (especially a large catholic family) in modern day America. If a woman can help provide for her family, great. If she'd rather stay home, great. Catholics need to read JPII's Letter to Women. In his great wisdom, he acknowledged that each family and each woman is unique. Again, it's not a black and white issue.
Its ultimately up to the husband to provide and a wife has the right to stay at home, and force the husband by the natural law to provide, perhaps by getting 2 jobs. But one should be financially secure before choosing marriage. And john paul does not overturn the scholastic tradition of patriarchs, the bible, encyclicals and baltimore catechism of the roles of women and men
It's hard to explain. I think my girlfriend and I both reject the idea that a woman can't or shouldn't work. Like she really loves her job and she feels called to it. She wouldn't mind being a stay at home mom, but she doesn't feel like that's how it should be.
I wanna to have career even after marriage because that is my dream and now I'm studying so hurd for this ..... But when I see Christian men who just want a housewife, it makes me frustrated, i wanna know if all christian men hv the same Concept about this or only traditional guys?????
@@AluminiumT6 being weak is your wife working? So world’s strongest man Brian Shaw is weak because his wife works? Interesting, id no idea that you strength was entirely dependent on if your wife works
Nothing, but you should be flexible, imo. I would gladly be the sole breadwinner or take a step back if my wife wants to pursue a fulfilling career herself and I would adapt through the years if either of us wants to change the balance. The problem is when either wants to force it on the other. Also, even a stay-at-home mum is sth I would accept for some time, namely while the kids are small. Her occupation might even be sth non-profit like community work, but I would not want a woman that actually just sits at home endlessly.
Nothing wrong with that. But expecting a woman to not work while unmarried is pretty stupid. Also before kids what do you expect a woman to do all day? Just sit at home and do her nails 😂. I
@@alqoshgirl To upkeep a home is fairly time-consuming depending on people's activities of course. Not just at home but like she said something of community outreach or learning some other type trade or activity.
The problem is both ways... it's not what each wants, it's what is best according to the circumstances. If both HAVE to work... both work. If it's best the woman stays home for the Sake of the children and there's the means... she should stay. Besides, you have to listen to what your partner wants. Marriage is not, and should not become, just a stereotype.
Love this!!!! There are so many women who have an incredible drive for greatness in a certain field. There are women who have achieved that greatness in their respective fields. Some women aren’t meant to stay home until their kid is 18. I’m a stay at home mom and it’s very difficult for me to stay home with my son. I love him so much but sometimes it’s very difficult being isolated every day in these four walls cooking and cleaning and listening to a toddler scream. Anyone/man who can’t at least empathize with that and see beyond their expectations with compassion is failing their partner.
Also I totally agree our church it’s like you’re either a teenager or you’re 30 married with at least 2 kids - someone told us we should join the archdiocese youth group which pulls from all the Catholic Churches in our city maybe you have something like that in your area ?
Women need to have an education as well as a vocation so they can help financially if necessary and if something happens to the husband the family isn’t homeless.
@@ten_tego_tegesNo, they shouldn't. There is no obligation to marry this kind of woman. She is entitled to her standards. They are entitled to theirs. Signed: a happily married man with a working wife
Guy: "What do you do for a living?" Girl: "I'm a Catholic communicator." Guy: "Seriously, what is your real job?" Girl: "OMG HE DOESN'T WANT ME TO HAVE A JOB😭🤧🤕"
@@mattduin7144 You're right, that's not what she was saying. She was speaking about several of her experiences not just with the one guy who wouldn't take her card.
@@mattduin7144 That's... exactly what she said. - Tells two dates that she's an e-girl (ick) and gives them her business card (double ick) - Guys are presumably traditional Catholics looking for a trad woman, and not interested in dating an e-girl - Amber, in full denial, opts to believe that "many guys" don't want their girlfriends to work
@@mattduin7144 If the women in question are dead-set on the idea of serving an employer or being an e-girl over being a SAHM, then it's understandable why those trad guys wouldn't date them. I'm not going to invest time, energy, and money in apples when I'm looking for oranges.
I think the way a man goes about it is important, if a guy just blew me off bc I work without any further conversation then he’s the problem. Of course a single young woman is gonna have a job. We’re not just waiting around to be married and have kids. We have lives before that.
I honestly don't think it's just that she has a job. Just to be perfectly honest with you, "here's my card" is a huge turn off. I would even call it a bit of a red flag. It's the sort of thing a career person says. Just sayin.
@@sarahisatitagain heaven and my house are two different places. They have different criteria for permanent residence. What men generally want, and what a man specifically wants are also not the same thing. Try to not confuse them. Your past makes up what pressures helped push you to have become the you today. For good and ill. It might in fact be actually what makes a specific man accept you, or reject you. There are also two kinds of wives biblically. Eve was meant to be a helper, not a millstone around Adam's neck. Try every day to become ontologically a good wife, a daughter of Sari/Sarah. If your honorable and not too picky you probably can find a great husband.
I’m sorry…but her take on dating is a little..how should I put it..biased? Naive?? Between this take and saying that Catholic men tend to lead with asking if the girl is married..I’d hedge my bets that there’s more to the story with these scenarios. I don’t know of any guy that would have a negative reaction to a girl telling them they have a job…
@@OrthoLou Well there's you filling in the gaps of the story...who is the issue with then, the girl who does as she pleases without sin or the guys who keeps his standards?
Bruh what? Women are allowed to be outspoken and are even encouraged to be in the Church. Believe it or not women are people too and as a result have a right and a duty to speak out
I met my wonderful Irish Catholic husband on Catholic Match. We actually lived about 20 miles away from each other. Anyways, he’s perfectly fine with me staying home. I enjoy staying home and taking care of the home and cooking and baking our meals and desserts and all. Our bodies aren’t made for the stresses of a 9-5 or 8-4 or whatever 🏡 ♥️ 👩❤️👨 🐾 🐾
Opposite for me, I don’t work because I’m disabled (but would be perfectly capable of handling traditional womanly duties like housekeeping, cooking and childcare), but guys have told me when they hear about a woman who doesn’t work they call her lazy…
It’s hard to please people, I used to work overtime at one point and I would never call a disabled person “lazy”, sure there are some jobs disabled people can do but once you become a mother it might be a bit hard to work either way, if you say you can handle housekeeping, cooking childcare and all that I don’t see a problem, some men are weird.
I’m sorry, I have NEVER had a Catholic man tell me he doesn’t want me to work while DATING. As a stated want in marriage, yes. But while dating? I think she’s stressing the truth a bit.
It seems a real shame people are now going to argue over the nitty gritty of 'trads' and get into this whole women should or shouldn't work debate. Centre your life on faith, first. If a woman is passionate about her work, that may well be what God is calling her to do. She may not be called to be with you. Respect her. Encourage her. Speak about the family set up you wish to have before you marry and make sure you're on the same page, particularly regarding children. But don't imagine that if a woman never works you'll have a perfect marriage. Sainthood isn't personified by some 1960's clean shaven American man. Stick to the rules, go to confession, love your enemies, pray, be loyal to God and your neighbours. Stand up for something, but don't puff your chest out and go telling women they should never work. She may need to work for you to make ends meet. Bills to pay. Maternity cover. A few years out. She can work before, after, during school hours. Equally, avoid making sweeping generalisations about certain catholic 'types' of men and women. This isn't the place for it. Faith is sacred, not some cheap sociology debate. Have a dignified and measured discussion, not some American high school comments section style meltdown. I feel this particular RU-vid video conveys an over exaggerated version of things. It gives catholic men a bad name, it doesn't get to the bottom of the reasons, it doesn't offer a solution. It's exaggerated, emotional, social media style and ultimately, pretty immature. This isn't about mature catholic adults approaching dating in the right way. It's about "he did this", "she did that". "I'm a Catholic, look at me". Grow up. This isn't what it's about. Catholicism isn't some social media glitz platform. It's sacred.
Imagine being so incapable of processing basic sentences, you can’t understand that she’s talking about having a job while being single without children. It seems most of you in these comments don’t understand that.
Priscilla in Acts was a tentmaker. A woman with the same trade as her husband Aquila and the Apostle Paul. The "tradition" of kept women who were helpless and never worked besides darning socks even before they had kids is a 1700s European innovation similar to the 1800s tradition of keeping a mowed lawn just to show you were rich enough not to need to grow veg. Before then, as with traditional hunter gatherers in modern days, women hunted even up to their third trimester, and certainly learned trades or did whatever was necessary. When children were born, they were the priority and the women naturally did more of that work. Modern society is stupid for suppressing this natural reality, but so are many of our ideas about "tradition", which suppress other natural realities. It's mad how many Christians read what they like into the Bible in spite of clues they're wrong. It's not just Protestants either.
Chesterton talks about this! The poor man and his wife are a team who each work as hard as the other. It’s the rich women of leisure who are out of their minds with boredom.
"The wife should love to remain at home, unless compelled by necessity to go out; and she should never presume to leave home without her husband's consent." - Roman Catechism So much for the 18th century European innovation thesis
@@lmmn3164 This text says nothing about working for gain outside the home or even working within the home to provide for the home. The learning in that passage is about the faith if I recall.
It is funny, yet sad. People think women never lifted a finger in the "old days" ... No. Those were the _rich_ women, and in society's outside the Western world, women still do have to do manual labor to the best of their abilities, alongside their husbands or fathers. When you're poor, you _work._
It’s funny when I was younger (I am still young lol 24 just recently married ) I wanted to work and didn’t want to “ just “ be a stay at home mother BUT now that I am older and got into the tlm side of the catholic faith I see the beauty and importance of being a mother / homemaker. I also want to home school my future children . Luckily my husband has a great career and i will continue to work up until we conceive probably . I’m trying not to get too attached to my Job ( I work in an accounting office and I really do enjoy my job ) it’s just hard because our society puts a lot of weight on what someone can produce so if I’m not making a paycheck I’d feel like a bum and that’s not the case . But an important aspect is that we will be mocked for having large families and being modest proper Catholics. we aren’t to fit into the world.
The not making a financial contribution to the marriage was a very very very difficult thing for me to deal overcome mentally. I’ve been a stay at home since 2019 and I feel like I am just now getting past it. I really struggled with it. It didn’t matter how much my husband told me he loved me and I contribute so much more than money to the home, I just couldn’t get past it.
There are girls her age watching the show, it gives a wider view of Catholics. I am sorry it wasn't intellectual enough for everyone, but there is more to the Catholic faith than the theology, right?
@@wordsbyruthie I think it’s fine if there are young women who get something out of this channel, but I’m not sure that Matt should be tailoring his content for that audience. Is it wrong to have a channel whose primary audience is catholic men? This is also just a very disturbing clip, to be frank, it’s a bit like watching highschool girls gossip about boys.
@@shmooove3058 why would u say that this channel is directed towards men? I have been watching Matt Fradd for some years now and his podcasts has been very beneficial for my faith. I have never got the impression that this channel was for men. And yes, she is different from the other guests on his channel. So? I think it's good that we get different perspectives of various Catholics from different generations. Assuming u r a man, you, your wife, your daughters and your sons can watch this channel as it's relatable for all of them.
Bro stop simping. These men sound based and masculine. What these men are saying is they desire to be a provider and protector. She’s just a modern girl given to modern ways. And your unceasing agreeing and affirmation of her worldly takes is really off putting.
cringe 🤢 I'd rather have a woman qho has grown in virtue by being a productive member of society than a child that completely depends on others for her life...women are not pets Lord have mercy on your perception of them
@@joshponce3405 No Joshy, your worldliness and consumerist mindset is cringe. Being a mother and a wife is one of the most productive and virtuous things a person can be. Being a wage slave, and working for some corporation is not the highest virtue. Especially when it comes at the expense of raising children.
@@amysill3815 Maybe. Not an unfair opinion. That said - this is the second clip I’ve seen with her, and the other one was just as bad. She was expressing a very modern /postmodern view, and Matt was over the top with the eye rolls, the Ooh’s and Ahh’s, the “No ways” etc etc. Just completely over the top agreeing. He’s a married man, he doesn’t need to be simping for some 20 something in his podcast. He should be offering questions and challenging dialogue like he would if the guest were male.
Dudes are allowed to want a girl without a job. She knows she's attractive. If she wanted a good guy that takes her as she is, she surely has multiple opportunities. This is a weird bit.
The weird part is thinking its normal that a guy wanting a WOMAN (not a little girl) without a job while dating is normal. And if women end up alone for having GOOD high standards - then they will definitely be happier than being with a misogynistic man who wants a woman under his complete abusive control.
@@valrose6083 They should go be Nuns. Most guys just want a humble sweet lady who is looking to partake in the rights and duties of marriage. Women that are Career minded and say they’re Trad have a lot of baggage. Women like this are going to be wed up at 30-35 to a Beta simp out of pure cope. No true Trad man is going to want to deal with this hypocrisy. You want to be Trad start acting like it.
@@valrose6083 Where'd the misogyny and girl/woman talk come into play? A man deciding to pursue different options isn't wrong, whatever his reason may be. We are free to pursue the kind of woman we want.
You know what, I genuinely think she’s missing out on the men that don’t want her to work. I think they want a woman that would make a good stay at home wife, which is super vital especially now a days. Motherhood is a lot more rewarding and a good relationship with a future husband over a career. I think it’s sad that she doesn’t see that.
Seriously comments like these make me so thankful I’m not with a man with this sort of mindset. Its toxic and doesn’t line up with reality. There is nothing wrong with a woman working when she is single. To expect her to be jobless is a sign that a man is insecure and has a need to feel superior to his potential partner (gf, wife, w/e). Im not going to bother arguing with anyone on here, its pointless arguing with misogynists. But I’m commenting for the others who see the ludicrosity in comments like this.
@@OrthoLou except that is what everyone keeps saying in the comments, and what she said as to why the men rejected her. They expect her to be jobless. Exactly that. The other commentor has no rage at all and yet you are blind to the multiple comments saying this women should never work and her parents should support her until she gets married.
This is soooo stupid they act like you can’t just quit your job once you get married!! What on earth?! How does a guy expect a lady to provide for herself as an unmarried adult?
On top of that can’t they see how he “jobs” would fit perfectly with The family Catholic life once married?! She said, “baby sit! And “Catholic communicator” Those skills will help her to become a great house wife. So many self professed trad men are such lunatics. Give me a REAlL trad man.
I'm head of Membership for Young Catholic Professionals of StL. We hosted a panel of women who are Catholic, have families, and have successful careers. And we got feed back from men saying 'we shouldn't be promoting this kind of lifestyle.' It's insane.
I am a Catholic woman and I 100% agree with the men on the panel that you are describing. Married women need to be home raising their children from the ground up. Feminism has seeped into the Catholic family. The wife should only work if they are in dire need of a second income.
I think her point is that they would’ve wanted her to stop working while that were dating not while they were married I would have an issue with that too
To say while dating "i dont want my future wife to work" thats fine. But shes saying that guys are saying- "we are dating and I dont want you to have to a job; right now at this moment... While we are dating" Thats where its like hold on now- we're not even a union... We can talk about what outs works out as a union financially for the future- but not what the individual must do financially at this moment
I'm a traditional Catholic and I don't mind at all if my girlfriend or wife works. The discussion we will have is when we have children and it may change from there. I'm sorry but I find it hard to believe that any guy doesn't want his girlfriend to work. I'm not sure I believe that.
@@sneed3529 emphasis on girlfriend. Many Catholic women would be pleased to be a home maker but to expect your girlfriend to not work before marriage isn’t always doable nor agreeable. Before marriage, you don’t live together, or rather you shouldn’t, so many women would need to support their own families and finances, especially if she’s in school.
I would love to meet a man that wanted me to take care of him and not work as much. My only stipulation would be that I continue to work at my church office which is only 25 hrs/wk max anyway.
So sad. I assume it's because women who don't have a career or don't do higher education are perhaps more naive and more "submissive." It's disturbing that some men are threatened by strong, independent, interesting women. I want a life partner and friend, not a pushover, breeding machine. 😬
Obviously a woman needs to have a job before getting married so that she can support herself, but I think a lot of guys can turned off by women who are too career focused because a lot of women are unwilling to sacrifice that career once they get married.
@@JESUSSavesWAKEUP and if a woman doesn’t marry and her parents are dead? Times have changed. There’s nothing wrong with a woman having something to fall back on. Doesn’t make her not traditional. This coming from a traditional wife who is home with her 4 kids under 7. Who by cultural standards stayed with her parents until marriage. I do want to work in the future though when our kids are older. I’ve seen women in situations where they had nothing after their husband passed away or got sick. Women stepped up in the past as well when their husband were fighting a war. You’re far too extreme and simple minded in this way of thinking
Where were all these guys who didn't want their girlfriends/wives to work when I was looking for one? Being a housewife was my dream yet most guys I knew wanted their women to work and bring some income. I have worked my butt off for my entire life to be financially independent (which led me to stay unmarried) and felt burnt out, unhappy and miserable. However, I recently found God and am happier although my "working my butt off" situation has not changed.
Easier to see more men looking when you can see them all in one place online. Prob not as easy online. I couldn’t deal with a wife who wanted to work personally.
Having 2 people in the family being a source of income to support the house is an advantage, especially in poverty stricken countries. Women ought to support the family, and this support is not limited to cooking, dishes, laundry, chores.
I really wish I could find somebody like this woman to meet and date and eventually marry. She’s fast witted, fully alive in the faith and she is a GREAT leader! Who said a man can’t date a woman with leadership values? My RCIA teacher is a woman and she rocks! Men aren’t 100% all the time we NEED women like this to fill that 80% on a day we are 20%!
I too would love my job to be homemaker, however, I would also love to have a husband in the future who would support my other goals outside of being a wife and a mother. If I would apply for work, it would be a conscious effort on my part to ensure that it wouldn’t take away the responsibilities I have at home though.
That's so Unchristian. God wants women to have careers, times change and we are not to stick to old mindsets. We cannot be solely dependent on men . we need to take care of ourselves, for our side of parents, our pets is a single income going to help all of that?? and then future kids?? . moreover women are better at being sincere, responsible, studies on an average than men. off course, what are u expecting? I should waste all that education and money spent by my parents on me? I have no problems being a submissive wife. but being led by someone intellectually inferior is hard to accept. Men you need to step up, work more harder cause women have catched upto you. you don't make an effort, don't do well at schools, colleges, jobs and hence ur not capable of leading nowadays.
@@EloraSelah I'm sorry but we can't expect men to be 100% in everything just as they can't expect women to be. This is where the compromise must be found.
Keep your head up Mark! Financial stuff is hard especially with kids. Both my parents worked and we aren’t “wealthy”. People don’t realize life is expensive and it’s only feasible if you have an EXCELLENT paying job. If you don’t have a job like that you aren’t a “failure”, you just aren’t privileged to have an excellent paying job. Gotta do what you gotta do
@@TheKevin9000 okay that’s fair if you are making your wife work so you can be lazy, then yeah you are treating her like a paycheck. But if both people have to work to pay the bills, not a thing wrong with that.
It’s of just the fact that you’re married, it’s the fact that you work in social media (red flag) and you’re so attached to your work that you went and got business cards (red flag.) Men don’t have time to try and unearth if their is a secret traditional woman hiding under the facade of a run-of-the-mill modernist.
I think it's best that they say it out of the gate. That's the point of Christian dating, figure out these knockout characteristics so you don't throw feelings out there for someone who isn't fit to marry.
Very few men in the comments section, here ,get it. Being single and married are two different things. Being married and married with children are, also, two different things. Being married for the first 2-3 years versus 10 years versus 15-30 years is very different. Working as a single woman is perfectly fine. Finding a good Catholic woman who wants a sacramental marriage should be working to some capacity. She is learning responsibility, she is figuring out financial responsibility and independence and how to take care of herself and make decisions for herself. This translates into running a good home and raising responsible children. She is figuring out what brings her joy and how to juggle worldly responsibilities with her relationship with others and with Christ. A married woman, who isn’t a mother yet, should still work and find purpose beyond her house and her husband. This can help build savings. Obviously, a married woman, who is a mother should stay home. That is her responsibility. There are families, with men, who can’t make ends meet and they need their wife to work. They aren’t any less holy than women who stay at home, raise their children, and keep their house. No man should have any expectation of any woman who isn’t his wife. A boyfriend is not financially responsible for his girlfriend until she is his wife. The Catholic Church does not encourage quick marriages…regardless of the circumstances. Nor does it encourage cohabitation between romantic, but unmarried couples. That should be a massive hint for the kind of woman a man should look for, and what he deserves.
As a traditionally minded man, it’s not that I would have a problem with a woman that works, it’s that I don’t want a woman that is so career oriented to the point that she would be reluctant to stay home with the kids when they’re young even if her husband makes enough to keep the family afloat, and would instead opt to have fewer children in order to protect her precious career. There is nothing Catholic about that. I’ve also found that the women that are super careerist tend to be much more masculine and have forgotten how to have that nurturing presence that compliments the masculine. Scoffing at men that feel this way while also trying to appeal to a traditionally minded audience seems out of touch.
That’s ridiculous and it is a perversion of what Gordon has stated about stay-at-home moms. I personally see the effect my wife has on our kids because she needs to work a few hours a day right now. We are planning on her to stay home in the next couple of years but for now we need to endure the needs of our four kids not being met.
Is a second job for you, an option? Two years is a long time in a child’s development and while trusting God is not always easy, the rewards and blessings of seeing Him provide because of the trust given Him, is amazing.
Roman Catechism of the Council of Trent The Duties of Married People The more easily to preserve the holy state (of marriage) from dissensions, the duties of husband and wife as inculcated by St. Paul and by the Prince of the Apostles must be explained. Duties Of A Husband It is the duty of the husband to treat his wife generously and honourably. It should not be forgotten that Eve was called by Adam his companion. The woman, he says, whom thou gavest me as a companion. Hence it was, according to the opinion of some of the holy Fathers, that she was formed not from the feet but from the side of man; as, on the other hand, she was not formed from his head, in order to give her to understand that it was not hers to command but to obey her husband. The husband should also be constantly occupied in some honest pursuit with a view to provide necessaries for the support of his family and to avoid idleness, the root of almost every vice. He is also to keep all his family in order, to correct their morals, and see that they faithfully discharge their duties. Duties Of A Wife On the other hand, the duties of a wife are thus summed up by the Prince of the Apostles: Let wives be subject to their husbands. that if any believe not the word, they may be won without the word by the conversation of the wives, considering your chaste conversation with fear. Let not their adorning be the outward plaiting of the hair, or the wearing of gold, or the putting on of apparel: but the hidden man of the heart in the incorruptibility of a quiet and meek spirit, which is rich in the sight of God. For after this manner heretofore the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection to their own husbands, as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him Lord. To train their children in the practice of virtue and to pay particular attention to their domestic concerns should also be especial objects of their attention. The wife should love to remain at home, unless compelled by necessity to go out; and she should never presume to leave home without her husband's consent. Again, and in this the conjugal union chiefly consists, let wives never forget that next to God they are to love their husbands, to esteem them above all others, yielding to them in all things not inconsistent with Christian piety, a willing and ready obedience.
If you're single, work. If you're married, work. However, please recognize that work takes different forms and has different consequences. If a woman chooses a career, her home secondary. If a man wants to stay home, his leadership is secondary. If you don't like tha natural order, don't marry in the Church.
Normally agree with Matt, but it seems with this interview he’s being swayed by the emotional arguments and agreeing with her just so she doesn’t get offended or something.. idk but it’s a little bit awkward to watch tbh
If you're single, you have to have a job! You quit your job once you get married because that's your new state in life. I think it's unreasonable for men to expect single women to be unemployed.
@@novaxdjokovic9592 It depends on what age. It's a sign of a lack of personal responsibility to just live with your parents until you get married. We also have a moral obligation to help and serve our parents. I don't see that by living and being dependent on them as an adult.
I worked for a little bit as a cafe worker, making coffee and whatever, but other than that I've been unemployed my entire life. If my husband wanted a woman who worked outside the home, I'd be in trouble. I have no problem taking care of things at home for him
That's awesome if it fulfills you fantastic. Others who aren't necessary fulfilled by that or had to have a job either at a young age or right out of high school because of circumstances; should they be looked at as career or too job oriented to be married or could be good mothers?
@@lizicadumitru9683 Couldn't imagine not being fulfilled by my vocation but okay. They may or may not be good wives and mothers, it depends on their priorities. I think working outside of the home will mean they are not reaching their full potential as a wife and mother. That's my opinion. If a man is interested in someone romantically, he should be allowed to ask those questions and have standards.
@@emonationalist 100% any man should be allowed to ask and make decisions based on that. If peeps want to narrow their dating pool, that's on them, just seems like it's not wholly necessary. Unless they go else where in the world for a mate. And I know several folks who have done that. Heck! my brother is dating a woman from Thailand and we live in the USA! Not a good look for the US ha
Who said it’s not? Can some women not enjoy other things too that you could be proud of as a husband? Lila Rose comes to mind. An amazing fighter for the prolife movement but also a mother and wife. I’m currently a stay at home mom of 4 little ones under 7. But when all our kids are older and I have more time on my hands I would love to pursue other interests. Absolutely nothin wrong with that! Especially as there are many very smart women that have a lot to offer. My husband tells me all the time that I’m very smart and wise and he will support me in the future if I want to pursue more things. You know it can get quite boring for women when their kids don’t really need you anymore
@@alqoshgirl I see the points you're hitting on as the crux of not only society's ideals of women but even the OP's. Women aren't purely just mothers and caretakers, surprise surprise we are also people with diverse desires, wants and curiosities. Not saying people don't understand that but as a caretaker of young children I don't see where someone would have much time to engage in a hobby they like until the children get older and they can teach them about that. But when it comes to newborn up until they're able to go to some kind of kindergarten you're really kind of diminished in what you as a person can fulfill outside of those necessary caretaking activities. Who's got time for extracurricular activities when you're taking care of two to three young children and on your own for the most part of the day. Am I wrong on this?
If a man can be a husband/father and have a career, women should be allowed to have those same opportunities. No parent should be forced to give up their career unless it’s what they want to do.
@@kyleemeg2171 Nobody's really forcing them to not have their careers (dating game aside) but people on both sides of this issue are getting angry at each other seemingly because the other doesn't want to come up to the expectations of the other.
Yeah I agree leading with that is a bit rude. There's no issue with single women discerning marriage working. I think deeper down guys are asking this out of a worry about what your intentions with your career are. If I introduce myself with the possible intention of asking you out down the road, and you bring up that you work a full-time job, I now don't know if you will give that up if we end up getting married, so it ends up being a turn off. Especially if you've gone to school for four years or more, having to go through all the work of telling you you'll have to give that up is not worth it for many guys.
Do you guys even make enough money to support wives or girlfriends? Do you guys read the current financial trends and how much the average man makes? Most of you are NOT capable of supporting anyone else on your income, besides yourselves!!!! Instead of asking women to give up their careers ask yourself why do you feel entitled to do that. What kind of logic is driving this mindset? Go to therapy for your abusive tendencies and mindsets first, before even considering marriage or dating or children. Some if you are not even mentally fit, to be friends with women.
I have talked to a lot of very traditional Catholic guys while looking for someone to marry never once came across this. My husband wanted me to not work an hourly job for somebody after we got married. Which is probably the most extreme thing I heard but we didn't talk about that until after we were already dating and he knew I wanted to be a stay at home mom. I just didn't know it was acceptable to be a home maker before children.
@@lizicadumitru9683 well the thing is that it should. Someone needs to run the home, and children need to be at home with a someone who loves them. People should be in agreement about this before marriage but it is what is best for the family. Just because our society wants us to be dual income doesn't mean it's good.
I am 64, I was a stay at home wife and mother. I will say I was looked down on by so many! Best job ever and a very hard one. I was made to feel inferior...sad
Why are some people misunderstanding this basic and crucial point: she is talking about DATING, NOT once a woman is married. How is a young single woman supposed to support herself until that point? Is the expectation that she be supported by her father until she's married off? Genuine question. Also, that could be quite a long time depending on the circumstances. I'm a married SAHM and I think feminism is rot, but I'm glad I worked and gained credentials prior to marriage (a bachelors and a commercial drivers license) just in case something happens to my husband and I need to step in as a provider for a time.
I'm married. If I could fully provide for my family I would want my wife to stay home & raise our children. She feels the same way but with the lack of income we both struggle with & the obligations we have there is just no way we both can survive on just my income.
That is fine too. You might be able to trim down. You might advance, and she might be able to go part time, or find work from home. As long as you love and support each other, marriage is beautiful either way.
I wouldn’t go near anybody who thought it was ok to tell their wives they couldn’t have a career. Motherhood is important and so is being a wife - but so is that person’s right to use their brain in a way God gave them! To help others and contribute to society.
@@arthurhyatt4664Right, and when you want to upgrade for a "better" women or have ANOTHER mental meltdown and blame your wife for it then ask for a divorce you are SHOCKED. Shocked that she is demanding that you pay alimony and child support. Shocked that she has standards and didn't let you use her as a baby making machine/ free housekeeper. You guys don't give a damn about values, children or family. You care about control.
As a woman myself wanting to be in a traditional Catholic marriage, why would I expect my husband to be traditional and work to provide for my family but I neglect my duties as a wife and mother?? It goes both ways..both the man and woman need to make sacrifices and if your offended by that, you should just look for a modern secular man who doesn’t care about the well being of a Catholic family.
@@OrthoLou you are actually judging her without knowing. You don't know her intentions. Also, if "traditional men" refuse a woman because of her business card, then they really lack masculinity. Traditional men should actually talk to "working girls" and have a dialoge, in order to know them better, instead of avoiding because "noooo you're evillll" (never thought that working women is modernism🤔)
@@OrthoLou ok, let me be more precise. First of all, judging the intentions of a person is a sin. It's possibly against truth because you're attribuing some thoughts to someone by basing on the external actions. Since we don't know the intentions of a person, we can at least make some predictions and then pray for this, but accusing someone of pride just isn't good. Amber may be in good faith. Again: you can have fear she's talking out of pride, but since you don't know the intentions, you can't then make a clear statement on her claimings. Of course judgement isn't bad, Our Lord says we can, but we should be careful. Then I stated that men should talk to women even if they show a business card. Yes, and I still think it because of what I said earlier. Amber wants to be a SAHM, she claimed it many times. So the best thing to do is having a dialogue: if you do it, you can have surprises, like "Yes, I'm in a business but my desire is to stay at home after marriage" This is why I said we should talk. Refusing a woman a priori just because of a card-showing is bad because you're actually attribuing a judgement, made out of fear, on a person without knowing all the facts. Yes, I understand that traditional men may have issues with this, but refusing without knowing is a temptation, so we should fight it. I really don't know where I acted as a liberal or a secularist. If I seemed to be it, then I'm sorry, but what I said is based on Church Teaching. I think actually what you think: men should be providers and women should be dedicated primarly on family and kids. I affirm this with strenght, but still, this doesn't mean we can act like "working women are demonic, stay out of me, witch!" and refusing to have dialogue. How can we make women understand the importance of motherhood if we don't even talk to them? Regarding all the rest, since we have a corrupted nature, then it's "normal" to complain about others and yes, we should correct this things (as I said earlier). But I don't think Amber criticize (some) men without knowing herself and her sins first. Maybe she said bad things sometimes, maybe because she had bad experiences with men who want to be traditional (and of course, it's bad to generalize judgements on all trad men), but generally she's not a prideful judging girl. This is what I think
That's not what she said. She said she had men that expected her not to work PRIOR to being married. They did not want her to have a job even while dating. That's a crazy expectation.
I see this among the trads, but both the men and the women seem to agree on it and agree to it: man is breadwinner, woman is barefoot and pregnant (and maybe has a part-time work-from-home job). The Church-of-Nice Catholics are generally the opposite.
Women not working is not at all traditional. Historically, women would support their family businesses. This is literally described in Proverbs 31 despite the feminists hating that passage. I understand not wanting a woman who prioritizes her work _above_ her husband's or above her children's needs, but that has nothing to do with being formally jobless
