Having an Emotional Connection with Your Ex 

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I definitely don't deserve to be loved for the person I was, because that wasn't me. But for who I am. Definitely

Great video. I love that you're no bs games & about touching what actually matters. The pupils thing is spot on! 😆

This is one of the best relationship videos I’ve EVER watched.

Thank you, Clay. I’m 57 and so tired of games and such. I just want to be me. My ex friend zoned me and I was devastated. We had been through so much together and it killed me to let go. I’m trying to just be and stay a friend but it’s hard. I can’t do the no contact or pretending so I’m happy to hear your perspective. I’m going to work on me and listen to your ideas. I appreciate your videos!! Something real for a change!!❤

It took me awhile to navigate through all the different videos on RU-vid yours and others for me to really understand what I need to work on for myself. I know that I'm anxiously attached and I know that I want to be securely attached and nobody ever really give a clear instruction of how to do it. The way you explain how we should have this mind set is really the way secure people react. I want to become that secure person.

Very good work clay all of your suggestions have been right on point I know many of us appreciate it myself included

Clay, your program is absolutely golden! To anyone thinking about purchasing this man's product I would highly recommend it. I am so excited about what I have learnt that it's actually difficult not to rush because I am confident I know exactly what I need to do. Even if things don't work out, this has genuinely helped change my life for the better. I wish it was a book I could put on my shelf for a life time. Thank you.

Thank u sir Clay... this helps me much...

One of the best advices I heard. Thank you :)

Awesome video

If only I listened to this earlier....everything makes sense now thx

Brilliant.

Never take an ex back if she went for someone else and came back . You will Teach them to leave you and come back when ever they want to . Be better go find someone better just like she did and move on . Its hard but time fixes everthing

This video is deep! Look at the other person as another human being who’s just trying to get through the day and try to find their own little slice of happiness.

I’m having a really hard time understanding my situation. We had a great relationship but I messed up a couple times. I do know why the breakup happened and it was bc of me. But on the whole our relationship was amazing. We lived together and were talking about marriage. We had a BAD break up. I was sure I wouldn’t hear from him. I went NC and he msgd me on day 16 “I bet you’ve moved on” and I msgd back 11 hours later and got nothing back. I sent him a msg completely explaining how I know I messed up and I was sorry and what I’ve been doing to work on myself and what I need to and he msgd back a long msg but basically said “I don’t even know how to respond. Apparently you’re talking to someone because you basically put a timeline on me saying you’d move on if I don’t tell you now” and I just said I wasn’t putting a timeline on anything. But then we talked that wholeee day and it went really well. Then nothing for an entire week because... he didn’t msg back to my last msg andddd I felt I should restart no contact. So now I haven’t spoken with him and I’m starting to feel that maybe I should just move on.. I feel that he’s just keeping me as an option and I feel like my heart is closing to him and I’m just like bored and frustrated with this! 😐 I have other men reaching out to me and I’ve been talking with them, but if I can resolve things with my ex I’d prefer to I think. I’m not the type of person who can casually date multiple ppl at a time or whatever.

Want more content. How do I schedule a video chat with you what do i have to do?

Clay plz answer when it's the right time to let the ex know about wht made me hurt n about my thinking?

left him alone for a year... in a long distance relationship breakup. went into no contact after he had the last say. I did not do anything and agreed. I only broke no contact once this New Years and he only replied in kindness, wishing me all the best. what do I do at this point since it has been 2 months after breaking no contact. He who has unfollowed me for a while now and I have not done anything to hinder this space but work on myself still. do you think it's time to sending an accountability to inspire a possibility to reestablish connecting? this is so hard. Please advise

One ex I have noticed was playing mind games of having mixed feelings seems confused and is afraid of getting back together. How can I get this ex to open up be honest gain my trust to explain feelings of being afraid and confused?

Hey Clay - great to see you’re going well. Not sure if you remember me, but we used to network back in the 2011 Affilorama days! Came across you and thought I would say hey! 😀

You Rock!

13:20 talking bout the pupil thing my ex she would always say i wasn't in love with her becomes my pupils didn't get bigger as she like would sometimes randomly just stare at my eyes for a while, yet she is the one that ended the relationship so she can "hang out" with people a month after we went long distance...

And adding to what you said about really showing people your value, what happens when you tell a person "I value this" in a serious way and then when they become angry or the 1st disagreement props up, they remove from you the thing or things you value?

Hi clay I recently started watching ur videos I was married for 14 years we have 2 children together and we both I've been through a lot of struggles he's hurt me I've heard him in different ways to where now we are divorced since February of this. Year and I I don't understand how deep and why I still love him so much we were still together after the divorce living in the same house but we recently separated he moved out June and I've been struggling really hard to deal with the fact that I've been with this man all this time and being on my own as a single mother which I have been before I have two older children but I didn't think that it would happen again I know that I feel there's so many connection with him because no matter what we've been through we've always have had this connection but I guess it wasn't strong enough to keep it together I don't understand I don't know what I'm trying to say is it's been since June so which is 5 months and I know that he went and started seeing someone you and I can't because I'm not built that way but recently this past weekend on Saturday he just kept calling me and calling me and calling me and wanted to see me and then he came over and put trade his love for me and told me that is always been me he's not with that person anymore but the point is I still love him so much that I fell into it and we became girlfriend and boyfriend and the craziest thing is we didn't realize that's the day that we became girlfriend and boyfriend is the date we met 15 years ago but then three days ago everything was good we're talking about future again and then she came and broke it off with me and told me you didn't feel the same and I don't know what happened from one night to the next but I feel like he stomped on my heart all over again and it fell into it I was the happiest person in the world the night before being so depressed and then having in 3 days later I feel like my intuition tells me that he's actually got scared and I watching your videos I'm kind understanding that but I need advice I don't talk to no one I have no one to talk to please let me know why you think because I know he still loves me and I feel it but I have not had contact with him since then until today when he picked up the kids please let me know if I should believe him and move on and let him go because I can't feel this way anymore I need to be strong for my children in I have the fact that I let him hurt me again

Been with a girl for about a year, and from day one, we had a strong, physical and emotional connection. We both decided to be patient about me meeting her daughter all the way up to about our 8th month together, and I finally meet her daughter. Instantly, we went from bf/gf to we are a tight knit family. So about at the 11th month, she literally tells me goodnight and she loves me, and all that good stuff, i go to work the next day, and I work outta town, yea, haven't heard from her since and if there's a way to get a hold of her, she has denied it...her friends and family, absolutely refuse to respond to me at all...what do I do, like I feel for the little girl, bc she dont have a daddy, and well all of a sudden she did, and as soon as it started, it was over again...

And his phone number was wrong. So what do i do now i haven't or seen him. help me please

Seeing eachother only once or twice a month for the last five months but text almost daily. He will not connect emotionally unless it’s in person. Feels like I’m getting nowhere and I’m losing interest even though I love him. I’m not sure I’m in love anymore. He’s less hot and cold now but still very resistant.

Hi thanks for the great video. My ex broke up with me a month ago and I emotionally neglected her throughout the relationship not knowing that i was disconnecting from her despite the warnings. I found out that I have a avoidant attachment style and im having therapy now to change, i feel much more inner peace and happiness now because i feel like im reestablishing a deeper relationship with myself. I want to have a secure attachment bond. However i want her back. I feel like she is the love of my life and i I want to give her the best version of myself because she deserves that. What can i do to get her back?

What kinds of questions/topics can prompt this emotional connection? Are they questions related to the relationship or the individual? How can you get them to open up?

Can any one help i believe I'm deplay connected with my ex girlfriend i seem to feel sadness danzer and sadness she's the only person i can think off we have been separated for over two years and the last time we had contact in December 2019 and that was finally the time i released it was the closer i was needing

Round 2 with my ex but it seems this round is more sexually driven . He is not giving me the emotional Connection I need so I took away sex completely and now he seems to be going mentally insane and telling me whatever I want to hear etc . Is taking away sex too extreme ? Please post a video on this

How about if she doesnt want to talk to me shes angry she broke up with me cause i took her for granted been nc for few months...

question is when your ex ends there rebound and eventualy comes back to me whats the risk of becoming the second rebound

I’ve been feeling very confused lately! There are moments when I miss my ex and would want nothing more than to get back together but there are also moments when I think about all the bad things that she said/did and if it will ever change? Like, why do I have to put in the effort to make it work if she wasn’t willing to fix it in the first place? I just can’t seem to let go of the past and I feel a sense of resentment towards her that is holding me back. I don’t know what to do anymore

hey Clay, please help me. I don't have mutual friends with my ex and live and work far from each other. so there is no chance we can accidentally bump into each other, I can see the events he clicked interested on facebook but I don't want to look like a stalker. so there is no way to see him in person unless we plan to meet up. in this situation, what should I talk about things to rebuild the emotional connection with him?

Thanks if i really wan't to see him all i have too do is go to church were we both go. But i have not!

The compelling narrative of this content is deeply impactful. A book with congruent themes was a life-defining experience for me. "The Art of Meaningful Relationships in the 21st Century" by Leo Flint

the more u bend ovr backwards to suit ur partners expectations the more they expect of u - truth! Then if u do go so out of ur own self u start to lose who u r as an individual & when they end up dumping u for their wotevr craziest little reason u will hav no1 else to blame but urself when u don't know who u r anymore & hav 2 put in a whole load of self this & that to recover.. If its not a good fit or u get a bad gut feeling trust it & move on, bcoz the longer u stay the more time u r wasting on not meeting or being with Mr/Mrs Right.

I have a question..what id your ex isn't even vulnarable with you

What if your ex cuts all communication from you because you’ve hurt then and they’ve gave you time after time to change but once you finally do they don’t give you the chance. What should I do ?

My ex...whom I still have a really good connection with, sends me a HVD text today. Later in the exchanges, she asks me what I'd feel if she started dating someone. I think she was testing for a reaction or feeling out a connection, though she keeps saying we'll never be together again. LoL...just scratching my head. My response to her question.... "I'd be disappointed, but who am I to have any reaction?". She didn't answer...but commented that question was for future referance. Light hearted messages afterward...no awkwardness. What do you make of this, Clay?

I already have this emotional connection but someone else entered her life. She claims that the person is like me but better and she fell in love with his personality rather than mine. But he’s not technically her boyfriend yet. She says that she feels like she is. They both are in love with each other but no actual relationship is formed between the two. Not sure what to do in my case. I really want her back

I sent a text 2 weeks ago after A month - last text was from him at 12:01 AM on my birthday. I had no doubt he would respond and I got nothing. (his team lost baaad - so I said something about the game) maybe that wasn't the right text. And I let it go and not upset about it. But what's your advice to connect now?

Please respond, my x and I got back together after a month he changed a lot and it’s hurting me I told him so many time to be the person I fell in love with but he’s not changing he became careless and doesn’t talk to me like we used to do should I leave him?

We were together 3 months but had a good connection. She told me she felt the spark she felt in the beginning she didn't feel anymore and couldn't see it long term because of that. When we met she didn't know why she felt that way and there's nothing she can do about it. Well about 3-4 weeks before she broke up with me sha said she had feelings for me and she could see herself falling in love with me.. Quite a change in a couple weeks. Had nothing but nice things to say about me and we never argued and there's no hate between us. That was 2 months ago and we've spoken vaguely on text every few weeks, I've initiated. She half accepted a meet up to catch up but hasn't followed through of course. Do you think there's a chance for me with the relationship only being 3 months?

I don't think so he ll come back or not i dont even want him back i jst want him to regret for his decision the way he hurts me n break me completely n i think he dont want me no sign of him one month of nc ....my feeling is dead but i cant stop thinking abt him even i go out he still in my mind ....

I run in to my ex over by his house he talk to me about 2 hours outside his house about 2 hours. It went ok but he said he has a friend at his house. But he didn't mine talking to me. So i ask him what is he's phone number he did. And i said i who the phone number is not wrong. He said why would i do that. well i got home and called the phone number. And the number was wrong. this happen a month ago. And i Hadn't seen them yet. What do i do i haven't done nothing help me please!

Hi clay, its been 4 months since weve broken up and it was pretty stressful on both our parts. Its like we love esch other so much but hes still so scared and ocmfusee in committing back to me. There was a month we havent contact each other as he said we dhould end it but a month after he msgd me that its hard for him to forget me. Unfortunately he became really alcoholic and had been smoking a lot as his way to “escape” his depression because of what happend to us. Im not sure if i did the right move but there were times when i went to his place and stayed for a say, took care of him and we acted like were ok as we agreed we should not talk about our issues. But after that day hes gone again. Similar episode sometimes happen in the span of four months where he says he miss and love me and often he does it drunk. Just lately he was able to msg me sober and told me hes really having a hard time dealing about our situation. He really wants to be with me, he says but he’s too scared it might not work again. Whenever i attempted to ask him what could be the reasons, he cant rven speak. Im not sure if i should always initiate things like hanging out with him or inviting him to do activities.. will it discourage him?

Clay can I get your help and opinion on this?! I’m saying goodbye to my ex today as he’s moving to Ohio. He got out of the military 2 weeks ago and felt it was important for him to go back home since he’s been away from his family and friends for 7 years. My ex and I were together for 1 year and 3 months and after we broke up, didn’t talk for 3-4 months. He showed about 5 months ago and began pursuing me ever since which gradually progressed into us communicating daily and hanging out frequently. He’s even taken me on dates. But now he’s going back home to Ohio. I’m in Illinois which is about 7 hours from him. We are technically only good friends right now though. I’ve had many talks with him about commitment but he keeps saying he doesn’t want to be pressured to get back into a relationship. He wants it to happen organically. He says he isn’t unsure about me and that he wants to be with me but wants it to happen naturally without pressure. He wants to know we can enjoy ourselves as friends before truly entering something serious. He felt like in our relationship before, there were alot of talks about my insecurities and my mom also got in between us with her strong catholic beliefs. He also said he is definitely going to miss me when he leaves for Ohio today. But I still there’s no commitment and I don’t know what to do. He’s told family and people in the church that we are talking and some stuff about our situation, so I don’t think his intentions are bad. I’m just concerned I’m getting strung along and that holding out hope won’t lead To the outcome I want. I think he’s being sincere in what he says but idk at the end of the day.

Hey Clay! It has been 1 year since me and my ex broke up it was may 28th 2020 and it would initiate one of the most terrible break ups I ever had. I did everything wrong. I was begging, pleading, angry, and came from a place of weakness. She clearly texted me to leave her alone and that my actions are pathetic. That was in July. I stopped contact for 5 months and on November I sent her a text about Alaska since she loves Alaska and I just forgot about it..until June 1st 2021..she responded..she has returned. The first 2 weeks she would be on and off texting me but it was always friendly. She even didn't read my text for a whole week but then she replied. Ever since that, we've been texting daily with a light and cheerful tone..what should I do now? And why do you think despite all that she said and everything that happened, she still decided to come back..why?

He’s not really my ex we didn’t breakup but I had to talk to him twice about not being affectionate enough and not communicating well enough . So I stop communication for a week . But then I reached out to him and we are talking him it just feels so causal

She left me after she cheated on me, she says she dosent feel a connection, but she kissed me last time a saw her, she seems guilty, will ask me how im doing, i wish we could start again with counseling, she says she sabotaged the relationship and that she is not good for me because of her mental trauma from the past. I dont know what to do.

Clay my ex and I broke up roughly a month ago her reasoning was bc I was emotionally unavailable towards her and we had bad communication and comprehension in our relationship. We both don’t wanna cut off communication with one another and I’ve been working on myself making sure I improve my skills and emotional availability however how do I for a stronger emotional connection with her. Sometimes we vibe rlly well and other times she’s very distant and is still mad over how I treated her in the past. How do I get her to forgive me and start the reconcile process??? Please answer

I was wondering what effect a contested divorce can have on ever reconciling? Right now, she is at 60% to 80% reactiveness right now and I worry it can go back to 100%

My ex broke up with me about 2 weeks ago. He's always in and out after conflicts for about 5 years now. The last 9 months be was doing really well and we were working on things in therapy. Finally, we got into a fight 2 weeks ago and he left again. We've been communicating a little bit but yesterday he said hebwanted to come home. He stayed the night and we had sex. I knew I didn't want to until he was really home but he promised me and said i could trust him. I'm still nervous he may change his mind again and I'm trying to keep my anxiety in check. I've been good until last night. He woke up in the middle of the night with bad anxiety and said he had a dream and then woke up home and was freaked out. How do I support myself and him through this phase? Could I have ruined it by sleeping with him? And what do I do if he doesn't end up coming home?

Marshall Rosenberg or something, non-violent communication.

I thought things were going well, but I believe my ex bf is holding himself up back by seeing things through a relationship lens. He knows how I feel about him. I am honest, I don't shower him saying I love him but I do make it obvious that I care about him a lot and have feelings in expressive ways. But know that he doesn't want a relationship right now and have not pressured him for it, and have showed understanding of this. But I know distance was the major reason why he broke up with me. I suggested maybe meeting up with him in the coming months. At first he said yes, but I could tell he was sort of on the fence about it. I tried to find time to talk to him about it, but he withdrew for a few days before finally confessing that he didn't think it was a good idea for us to meet alone right now. He said he knows how I feel, but tried to tell me he didn't feel the same. Which is a contradiction to how we've been flirting and connecting previously. He said also that it would "deceive us in a relationship form" if I were to visit. I tried to assure him that I would never pressure him into anything he didn't want and it would purely be on a friendship/casual level. What can I do to try to deepen our connection or bounce back from this? He is definitely in Riding the Dragon, so I haven't taken what he's said to heart much, but the withdraw in connection again does leave me a bit worried.

How will I know that she’ll leave the other person for me? We were each other’s best friends and we still talk and send each other memes and have emotional talks. They’ve been dating for a little over a month and I feel kind of shitty for doing this while she has a boyfriend but I feel like she only sees me as a friend and I’m confused

I still live with my ex who dumped me and is in a new relationship.we broke up just over 2 months ago.i cant find anything on youtube offering advice for someone in my situation

My ex after 8 years left because she said I didn't do some stuff we have a 2 yr old and she still kisses me and we have sex and hang out but she says don't put a label on it Been broke up 3 months

She friend zoned me - said she didn't want to connect romantically , even though I know she's attracted to me and we click ? Women are strange

Do these tools work with someone w borderline personality disorder?

My husband and I have been separated for a year now. About a month ago (before I started working with the ex solution program), I made the mistake to ask him to give our relationship another go and not go through with the divorce as planned. He said (with tears in his eyes) that he doesn‘t want to come back. Since then I have not brought up the topic of „getting back together“ again, but focused on our emotional connection instead. I am also at a point where I really WANT him back, but don‘t NEED him to fill a hole in my life or make me complete. I notice that he is much kinder to me, quicker to text me back, more open to meeting up with me etc. than before. He also said that we don‘t have to go through with the divorce now if it is stressing me out. However I worry that he does all of this because he is sorry that he can‘t find it in him to get back together with me. Especially since he knows I‘m having a rough time at work and lots of other stressors in my life right now. So is this still a positive development? I don‘t want him to be nice to me because he feels guilty or sorry. I want us to interact as equals so he can really benefit from our relationship on an emotional level... Lots of love from Germany.

Clay, I am at a loss about how to create emotional connection with my ex. He texted me on my birthday after 6 months of NC, but when we met up he was distant and didn't seem to enjoy himself. I followed your advice and after a few weeks I contacted him again, trying to be friends with him.. but now he doesn't even answer. I am starting to panic that distance and time will estrange us further.. Could you give me any tip on how to break his walls? Or is it too late for us? He may even be with someone else by now. Thanks a lot for all the support!

Yay

hey Clay My ex and I started talking and things went well. Then I went on a date with another girl and she said she had something to tell me. She kissed with my best friend on my birthday party, she told it with a smile on her face, as if she was proud of it. after I confronted her about the consequences, she mocked me. Am I dealing with a narcicist? thx in advance

How can I start initiate emotional connection with my ex doing monkey branch?

If they broke up with you and you want them back, it’s up to them. You calling makes you look weak.

@clay Hello. My ex is pulling away after we reconnected and we have been sexually intimate. She is more and more distant and hesitant to talk to me and it's hard to build emotional connection and intimacy. I am having a hard time and need help. I dropped the romantic pressure but she is very stubborn and doesn't initiate at all. It has 2 1/2 months since reconnecting and we were in no contact for 6 months.

Just forget about your ex. Let them be. Move on

CREEPY

Over 30 minutes of saying literally nothing....