These anxious attachment videos are so helpful! Please keep making them. It helps us who may not have the financial means to afford a therapist just yet. But with these videos I’m able to do some of the ground work before getting a therapist. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
I feel so much better watching these videos. It's very crazy how much I suffered and made myself suffer even more when no one in the world even really cared about my needs.
I have anxious attachment only with romantic relationships. I do take care of myself and well. I just get so mad at myself that I chose men who decieve me and are avoidant. I feel like such a fool and my heart ifeels broken 💔
you are such a thoughtful doctor with such a soothing voice. I appreciate you educating those that struggle and are working towards healing! God Bless you Dr. Sage!
you are SO strong. you have a career, you raise children and yet you find the space to notice how you want to deepen your relationship with yourself. who does all that at once ? I admire you and your vulnerability and what you give to the world through this channel. what a quality person
Thanks Dr. Sage. I needed this today. I'm tired of being an over thinker and I do everything you mentioned in your video and I'm tired of ruining my relationships.
Thanks Kim👍🏾I have been so busy caring for others and being the father I never had. I have ignored myself and always put my needs after those around me. I need to stop this pattern and care for my self and value myself more ❤
Yes to all of this! Excited for your new series Dr Sage. Recently my mental health started to go back downhill and I realised I had stopped meditating, connecting with friends and journaling. Within days of commiting to make the time to do so and repeatedly listening to empath meditation I felt so much better. It has really shown me the importance of maintaining and prioritising what we need and deserve alongside everyone elses needs, especially when that doesn't come naturally or comfortably ❤️
This video is so helpful and healing. Thank you so much. I am also a single mother with four children, I suffer from anxious attachment and was a single child. In my training as a counselling therapist, I have learnt so much about maladaptive attachment styles and how this can have a profound effect upon our lives. But through invaluable knowledge and insight we are able to grow from our pain and become our best selves. Thank you again. ❤
Yes, agree on alot. I too mom of 4 and finally learning to take more care of myself. I am breaking it down steps...getting up and going to bed at a normal regular schedule, exercise 4 times a week, trying to make friends and let go of past hurtful relationships ( that's the most difficult),finishing my Master's. Another thing is I make sure my kids do their chores, sounds simple but it really helps. And lastly trying not to self medicate with alcohol.
I just discovered your channel and I love it! You explain so well, so calm, so lovely...not judging. We all grey up with the feeling of being wrong, not right and so on and here I feel just fine. I do not need to reinvent the world, but focusing on myself, taking care of myself and not lashing out at others...wow, that is quite something already. Much love to all of us who do the actual work.
6:35 time on video You hit the nail on the head for me! I don’t know HOW to do me😢 I can/have & do everyOne else great.. but me I don’t 😫 And I’m getting so frustrated now because I’m suffering because I don’t know HOW
I really really appreciate your videos. I used to watch Thais Gibson, but I never felt like I was learning something about myself in the videos, I'd actually feel shame about my anxious attachment. But with this video and the self abandonment one, it really made me introspect on my behaviours. I've replayed this video three times now, and each time I learn and notice certain behaviours I have, or it triggers memories from the past that have shaped my anxious beliefs. You are doing phenomenal work, each video makes me feel like I could reflect on countless things. Please continue, you are saving lives out here
Dr. Sage, you're an angel for sharing this knowledge!! I've been doing some deep diving lately and found your channel, very glad and excited to learn more. I started my healing journey when I was 16 and was diagnosed with BPD; I no longer fully identify with borderline (at least with the DSM), but there are still some unconscious/subconscious behaviors that need to change if I want to live the best life I can live. Thank you for helping me on this journey!!
This so helpful. Helps me understand so much and get a better/proper perspective on the inter-personal dynamics in my life. Realising that it's actually OK to be me is so liberating. 🙏 Thank you so much 🙏
The example of that dad sighing and asking where the mom is sent a physical panic response through my body, I thought I was removed from that since I’ve been no contact with my dad for 2 years. That’s wild
This exactly the part of my life I’m realizing now thanks too you. Is my biggest issue this relates with me more than any other spectrum of the codependency I keep hearing so much about the last 6 years.. I fit this criteria more than any of the codependency traits. This is my life!! I never got to a child! Oldest I raised my brother and sister and Mom as a child. Now I’m definitely too much of a care taker even when I’m not asked to be. I’m trying to work on that one too.. I’m looking forward to learning about this part of my life for sure. How much is your course? Any information on the actual course would be great along with how it is done alone I’m guessing ? Thank you for caring for us who are lost and alone! You are a breath of fresh air to me on every video! I recently lost my Narcissistic Boarder Line Mom. Also lost my mentally abusive husband. It’s been a painful journey realizing for the first time. I have physically been alone not just on a mental aloneness like all my life. My Mom was constantly in and out of my life as well as I was with my sibling growing up from the age of a teenager Since Mom lost/gave them up too adoption after not seeing them for 5 years after leaving them with my grandparents. I use too blame myself for them being adopted out.. They were taken out of my life and was reunited later after they were grown married with children Which was so much more painful loosing them twice over as I guess I didn’t fit in their lives they blamed me too. They thought I was the golden child to Mom when really I was her responsible side is really what I was.. Thanks again!! Sincerely, Sheila
@@DrKimSage Thank you so much I’m now 58 trying to make sense of all this and heal me all on my own. I literally don’t like being around a lot of people after 20 years of isolation it’s hard .. Do you have any videos on why we want to be alone all the time? Thanks again Sheila
Thank you so much Kim, grateful to you in helping us understand our childhood wounds. I have recently discovered attachment styles & this is making so much sense to me now. I didn’t even know this wound of mine existed. Now that I’m aware I can help myself work through it - patience is definitely going to be required as I can be so hard on myself. Much love to you 💛💛💛
I find it so interestingly ironic that my mom (who is aware of how emotionally abusive her childhood was) swore up & down that she would never inflict the same wounds that she received as a child from her covertly narcissistic mother onto her children. But then she did it anyways
Thank you Dr Kim for identifying the reasons why my relationships fail. i tend to attract narcs and avoidant types. so what i'm doing, thanks to you, is getting back into my own life. i've also used some affirmations to deal with the anxiety which help. and to STOP the daydreaming which wastes so much valuable time, as you have pointed out. another thought: a great song for avoidant types is "i'm not in love."
I’m so happy that I finally get to know what going on with me , for years I was blaming myself for lack of control regarding my attachment and feelings, knowledge is half of the solution
Is it possible that my parents didn’t cause this? I believe I have this but it’s not due to my parents. A lot of friends hurt/abandoned me growing up .
I feel so sad. A few days ago I had an argument with my husband, where I brought up how upset it made me that my morning routine consisted entirely of doing things for US (clean, cook, wash, etc) while his starts with doing things for himself (grooming, showering, etc). I don't even feel like I can brush my teeth before I do something for us.
I'd hate to see you struggling to find what you need while you've given me so much help with your videos and courses. I'm guessing all the recovering anxious attachers feel the same watching this. But regardless, I hope all the best things for you.
Thank you - I am good...I've just been working on sharing more vulnerable feelings too because I think it's important to show we are all always a work in progress❤
Thanks ever so much Dr Sage 😆❤💡 this was refreshing and informative Video as per usual, really appreciate all your hard work and how you graciously put it together for easy learning. Its always right on time and on point . Happy your going to do different ideas to help us out. Everything you brought out were so true. It still amazes me each session, hoping you rested over holidays and feeling great. Bravo !!! Well done 😆💡❤
Your only on this planet maybe 75 years! It's a pit stop. Just live your lives and stop analyzing everything. I'm 61, been married 34 years, just got divorced. I was anxious, my wife avoidant style. It ended, oh well, not changing at 60. Had a great marriage until the last 3 years, she went nuts. Just move on
Its big difference. BPD has no clear image of self and they avoid to look at self. Because they have shifting image of self and they need outside validation of their image. In abandonment they are afraid of losing the image of themselves that this person gives them. Their sense of self is non existent. While anxious attachment person is capable to look at image of self. They have stable image of self. In abandonment they are afraid that image of themselves is not good enough. BPD is serious mental disorder. Anxious attachment is just style of attachment, not mental disorder. There is no point in comparing the two. Person with BPD had active traumatic abuse from parents and close environment. They have been blocked to express themselves with overcorrection of emotion, thought and physical action. Some deep traumatic experiences in childhood. Person with anxious attachment had just "simple" neglect in childhood. The difference in damage spectrum is too great to compare them.
New subbie here! I was watching another relationship coach and he mentioned attachment anxiety so i came to yt to see what i can find on the subject bc we know yt has everything right lol...but i came upon your other video explaining what attachment anxiety is and yes i identify with several traits. So thank you for putting this out there and also for letting us see in this video that you are human and still a work in progress. Thank you 20:24
Hi, you mentioned in this video, that you think that everything is solvable (it might not), but you mentioned that this helped you "to not go under". I would like to know more, because, apparently, its something I have too. Thanks.
Thank you Dr. Kim for posting this. I've been in and out of therapy for years to work on self improvement, with not much focus on relationships as I wasn't really engaged in looking in one. Now that I'm working on building a relationship with my partner, I've discovered that I really do have a bit of an anxious attachment style. I'm working on it now, and this video has been very helpful in establishing myself so that I can be a more secure person in the future in relationships and life in general. Thank you once again for your wisdom.
Oh so if their text is “GM” and they can’t talk on the phone, that’s the same as mornings when they say “good morning baby” and can’t talk on the phone. Because they are busy and have work or grown up responsibilities. So they are just busy. They don’t hate you. The relationship is not over. It’s not over and all the love is not gone. Such extremes and insecurities show up like this. Yes it’s so much pressure to interpret every text message like that.
This was SO helpful. Thank you for making this video. You are so clear in explaining the triggers and providing tools to work on overcoming this attachment style.
Wow Dr. Sage talk about reflection . I’m a holistic wellness coach and this video was a reflection of my life. I am a sahm of 4 as well .we are on a similar trajectory with our own wellness journey Thank you for sharing! I took away soooo much from this and felt good hearing someone of your stature to state similar sentiments.
For me, I know exactly what I don't want and others would say that's half way there... but No, I actually don't know what I want and I'm no longer sure I know what I don't want...what if I'm negative thinking again 🤔, you're being hard on yourself 😖
Hey Dr, i have seen your videos and they are really informative and helpful! I have an anxious attachment style ,I really want to work on it , is there any step by step playlist to how we can do it?? I don't know how to do it in a consistent manner to heal , is there a sequence for doing those(as you have shared several videos on it) . I don't have access to therapy , but i am willing to do things consistently on my own
I feel so exhausted with therapy. It feels like so much work. But I'm going to keep going. I would love to take ur courses. Tbh for me, who has been going to therapy weekly for 3 years, if I knew I could be fixed at the end of it I would do it in a heartbeat
As an only child with an anxious attachment style, I sincerely appreciate your perspective and honestly, your optimism. I’ve never viewed my anxious attachment style as potentially beautiful and even helpful in some areas. I think this will help me to love and accept myself more and more.
I had a relationship with an Avoidants in 1984/85, at least I assume so. After 1.5 years of fighting for her heart, I was thrown into the garbage trap. It was almost 40 years ago now, but why does the pain and sadness keep haunting me every time? When I meet her on the street, it's as if I never existed in her life
Are there any resources or videos on this type of attachment style in people who truly don’t have a history or trauma in their childhood? Both my parents have always been loving and supportive towards me and each other, and they’re still around and together. I haven’t experienced the traumatic abandonment or not having my needs met or feelings cared for. I had a warm loving cushy childhood. I am very fortunate! But why do I display every behavior you talk about?
Hi Kim! I’d love to see a video or even a TIKTOK where you mention CPTSD survivors (or disorganised attachers) and the struggles they face with actively choosing love even in the face of fear, when their subconscious has so far only let them choose to love based on what their external situation is showing them? I.e that their partner is validating that it’s safe to love? And how to continue to choose it even in the midst of triggers and when your partner isn’t always there to constantly reassure or validate you. I’m struggling with this, and it’s not really allowing me to go deeper in my relationship because of my subconscious fear of abandonment. I think what’s going on is, the second I allow myself to trust my partner fully, even when I am scared it isn’t going to work, or even when I’m triggered by my past - that he will do something that affirms my fears and triggers, and ultimately cause me to lose him.. Or if you’ve already mentioned this before, could you point me to any videos you’ve done that might help me further to understand what’s going on for me in that moment and how to cultivate trust and safety in myself and my choice to continue to love my partner even though I’m terrified? 🤍🤍
Love your feedback and ideas - thank you so much for being here! I have a video on healing disorganized attachment..and probably a few more (lol it's too many now!) but those questions are great topic ideas specifically that i will add to my list! Sending love and healing today❤
@@DrKimSage Thank you so much Kim! I’m going to binge those vids! I wasn’t sure if I was strictly anxious attached, but now I understand I’m much more likely to be disorganised! Looking forward to more content - I appreciate you! 🤍✨
Also, sharing your own wants/desires/experience at the end- incredible... most videos like these don't include the personal like that, but god how necessary! It's crazy healing to hear you talk about your own journey!!!
As a stranger that went through this with my mother and she never considered getting me help young despite seeing my anxious behavior. Please help your child before they are a panicking, lost, and unhealthy adult. There’s no need to do this work in hindsight if you are aware of it now.
Man I always wondered when my son or husband would leave when I was in grad school I’d cry like I’ll never see them again. It came from my mom. Directly from her
