Healing from sexual abuse~a therapist's journey of healing 

You have a very soothing voice, and seem very nice. I wish you were my therapist.

I swore to myself that I wouldn't let it affect me. It has, and I hate it. I'm 33, living a fairly regular life but am now realising that I've been running away from myself in various ways (drugs, alcohol, promiscuity). I think I have a survival instinct that has saved me my entire life but it's a constant roller-coaster in which everything is going quite well (considering everything) and then I sabotage myself. The fact is I play a role (which I'm very good at) and once I have achieved what I thought I couldn't I spiral down again. My entire family abused me in one way or another - my mother was (in some cases but not all) the instigator in my sexual abuse at a very young age, as well as severe beatings, humiliation, degradation. My father beat me severely also and even as an adult taunted me with his power over me ( I yearned his love and affection). My family and peers knew about the abuse and did nothing, I mean NOTHING, about it. If anything, I was a liar or a whore. It started when I was still in the crib and only ended when I eventually fought back, at around 10 or 11 years of age. I left home at 15, became a junky, recovered from that out of sheer stubborn rebellion (they always labeled and judged me for the faults and injustices my parents committed) and actually created an illusion (even for myself) of success, strength and happiness. This was and is a lie. I am constantly trying to overcome these feelings of worthlessness and although I know (but loathe the fact) that I was a victim I am now coming to realise that I cannot heal myself. I can't pretend anymore - I am a damaged and broken person. It's highly unlikely you can help me but I wanted to thank you for your video, Peggy Oliveira. You are helping a lot of lost souls out there that have noone. There is hope. To anyone that is reading this that has suffered any form of abuse please know it is not your fault. It's so difficult to believe (when you are the recipient of horrors that a person that hasn't experienced this couldn't fathom) and I really get that - you did not deserve ANY of it, you are worth so much to this world and the people around you. Don't give up! I love you (whoever and wherever you are, we share a pain that can transcend into pure love)! Peggy, please excuse my very long message. I am no-one. I just don't want people to suffer what I am suffering.

Love this video! I'm a survivor as well and it takes a lot of strength to share your story. This is very healing and gives me strength as well. xoxo

THANK YOU so much for this beautiful and touching video! I`m almost in tears here...Thank you for stepping down from the therapist- pedestal that actually exists on some level...and for sharing your personal story. Thank you also for sharing the fact that one does not really change in one`s core, but rather become able to see oneself the way other, loving people do. Still, it certainly feels like one has changed, because as you say, one starts to see oneself in another light. It is truly a magical journey, when people who have been abused, start to discover themselves, and truly see and feel what an awesome being they actually are. I think the shere joy of that discovery almost can be shocking to some, because it is in such great contrast to being used to feeling bad about oneself. Take care, and keep up the good work. You have a very soothing voice and presence, by the way. Kind regards.

Thank you for being so open and honest.

Your video was a bath of warm light on a cold soul. Thank you for being who you are and doing what you do

This is beautiful. Thanks so much for sharing. It's helpful to hear of healing from a therapists personal experience.Thank you!

Thank you. I feel like I'm listening to myself. Thank you indeed

Thank you for making this 10 years ago and you continue now to make new videos. I will watch them all, I connect so deeply to you. You are very strong, it means so much to see such bravery. Thank you for words ❤

Thank you. I've been watching your videos all night and they really speak to me as a person; where I've been, where I am, where I want to be. You are truly helping me understand that my behaviors, thoughts, etc. make sense as a backlash of trauma and helping me feel more...normal? I'm sure that isn't the "right" word but, it's true. So, thank you for being there when you don't even know I'm here :)

Thank you so much hearing about practical recovery from the perspective of a recovering therapist has been extremely helpful to me as I am presently in what feels like death struggle with depression and my abuse past. So thank you very much

Thank you for your videos. I am a survivor as well and I am thankful I have found my voice to speak out. I am currently study mental health counseling as a grad student. Your example give me hope that once I get my degree so I help teens.

Thank you for this video, please continue to make others. I am a male survivor and shared my story as well. Your testimony and words hit home and that's what we need to know. I know many can't afford counseling and these videos are your way of serving. I don't know if you are a Christian, but you are a strong woman of faith in any aspect. I thank you again for your support to those who endured pain but can come out flourishing with power and amazement at what life CAN bring about AFTER we start to heal. Thanks

Hi Peggy! Thank you so much for sharing your story and your wise words about your healing process, you are truly brave. I'm a survivor of lengthy childhood sexual abuse and I can relate to much of what you are speaking of, this video touched me and almost made me break in to tears. Im not a native english speaker so please excuse my grammar and spelling. My healing process started 7 years ago when I was 20 years old and even thou it's been a long time since then and several years in therapy my lens which I view myself through is not quite cleared yet but not near as tainted as it was 7 years ago. Now I'm in a healthy relationship, engaged even, and studying to become a high school teacher. For me as a child what kept me going during the hard times was the hope for a much better future for myself, a future which I have now created for myself. Thank you again! /Jessica

Thank you for sharing your story. I'm an attorney and want to help others in the legal field the way you help them in therapy. Your story gives me hope I'll get there someday despite how much CSA and other abuse has effected me.

Thank you so much for making this video. I really feel seen and understood.

Thank you for making the videos. They bring me understanding and hope. X

thank you so much for this video ❤️

I could relate to all your talking about with your beautiful personality,and the way you explain it all about all you were made to go threw,and have to endure,and now your success in getting threw it all,and being able to overcome your shyness,and all of what happened to you which was a lot especially not thinking all the time it was’nt possible,and now you got threw it all great accomplishments❤️🙏Namaste

Love how insightful and real this is and gives hope ❤️

You are an inspiration to my girlfriend and myself. Bless you, Doctor.

thank you so much for your videos! I just found out in july through EMDR and a very trust worthy wonderful therapist that at 4 years old that the 18 year old son of the pastor at the church we were going to at that time abused me sexually and traumatized me with his means of threatening me. I'm 52 now and I'm excited to finally know the truth and it is setting me free!!

Loved your Voice Peggy. I am pretty sure your voice will be heard and believe me, it's real hard to imagine your head being down, at any place, ever.

thank you so much ♥️♥️, you showed me why I used to behave in certain ways!!

Thank you for your video. I stumbled upon your video accidentally and it is just what I need to hear right now. Maybe one day I will be able to move on.

I could relate to most of what your talking about,and there’s always triggers which bring back many memories with what happened the way it did,and how there was no way out of it for me until one day getting closer to someone to help me escape from it With Her sometimes I think what it would of been like if that didn’t happen,and thank you for coming forward with your great videos with your courage to talk about it all😘Love ❤

thank you so much for sharing this , you gave me new prospective about how to heal from sexual abuse or how to even believe i can be okay and to see myself worthy saving

WOW, jackpot if you are studying body language. This is some of the most clear non-verbals i have seen in awhile peace KOTT

I’m not sure exactly when you made this, so I’m taking a chance you’ll still read this. I’m a sexual abuse and domestic abuse survivor. I can see pain in people’s eyes. Though you have come very far, you still carry pain. I’m glad for you that you have a supportive loving husband. People who get it like you do make the best therapists. Thank you for your genuineness.

Thank you! ❤

Thank you for posting this video! You are so inspirational

Thanks for sharing your journey. I can tell that I'm healing from my past sexual abuse. I got away from the situation almost two years ago. Sometimes I feel like I should be "over it" by now, which is really discouraging. Today I posted a video about the emotional side of the abuse I experienced from my ex boyfriend. I'm the kind of person who feels better after talking about what happened.

You are really amazing and an inspiration.. Thank you.

I went very briefly to a therapist and I am afraid to go to another. I told him something and he looked appalled and disgusted and I know it probably wasn't at me but I couldn't handle it and I left before the session was over and didn't go back. I feel like maybe this is something I should try again but I can't handle seeing something like that again. That's why I don't talk about it-I *know* how messed up all of that stuff is and that's why I keep it to myself.

I love this peggy ❤️

Thank you! I hope to get to where you are. I was sexually abused before 5 and the memory started returning around 15. Im also from a dysfunctional family (mental health issues mostly) and learned not to tell anyone and so it just got worse and worse throughout the years. I’m getting better but my inner critic still goes crazy around other people. It seems I’m afraid they are going to hurt me.

I am really stuck on the fact that this happened to me and no one did anything about it. And over the years my family has distanced themselves from and I from them because I am angry about it all. And then over the years when they were inconsiderate and lied about me, I cussed them out and it drove even more of a wedge. Now I am basically estranged from my family and now that is difficult to deal with and not sure if/how to fix it! Suggestions?

for me I have been through hapephobia, eating disorders, sever insomnia, selfabuse, depression, anxiety, ocd, and ptsd. I have been through these mental struggles because when I was little I was sexually abused by one of my peers that I thought would be my friend. I didn't have any friends, so I tried to tag along with my sister to spend the night at her house. her friend had a sister so I hung out with her. I really didn't know her and I don't think I remember her name. but I remember the first sleepover I had the girl kicked me in a closet. after that I started to develop hapephobia (fear of touch) because of what happened. at the time I had just blocked it out. long story short my parents would think I was just trying to revel by not t ouching them and I never got the right counseling to fully heal from all of this. any one have any advice? I feel so alone.

You look amazing! And I am a sexual abuse survivor, trying to find ways of healing my terrible coping mechanisms healing from abusive Narcisst Pedophiles. No self esteem is very familiar, not being able to have a relationship yet longing for a relationship. Promiscuity is my most embarrassing side. I dont have children, I am 41 years old and pretty much isolated and I get triggered all the time when humans come near me. Maybe you can recommend me a good Therapist who is specialised in this Field?

Hello, thank you for sharing your experience and I admire where you are bases on where you came from. I'm looking for advice about someone very dear to me, she was sexually abused as a little girl by her step grandfather, she was raised by this man and her grandmother. Her grandmother knew about the abuse and did very little about it. When she got older this step grandfather became I'll and her grandma made her take care of him till he died. As a daughter I would like to know how to help but my mom says she's over it but there are so many fears that I see in her that I know are linked to this abusive experience she went through for many years. scared of the dark, scared of closing doors and getting annoyed by people eating crunchy things since she always remembers him doing that near her ear. They might seem like little things but the fact that she still remembers thus and fears these things now as a 51 year old woman just makes me feel like she has unresolved things to talk about. She has never been to therapy to treat this specific subject. It saddens me that she minimises when I can see that some part of her is still living trauma. She also gets involved in very toxic relationships with people that are toxic to her but she always thinks she is there to change them but their problems are so BIG, things like addictions and abuse and dominance are always involved. Could someone please give me some guidance about what I can do as a daughter that has already adviced her to treat this specific trauma? I would appreciate it immensely. Thank you for your time!

ok I figured out how to send it now.

I need some help on how to tell her because this has been going on for five months and I can't take it.

So if I some comes to you self harming them self & not wanting to be here. They have also been diagnosed With anxiety & depression and tells you they were abused physical, sexually but no one believes in fact blames them and tells them they wanted it would you Be able to help

thank you. one day i hope to actually be able to see myself in a decent way. Any advice on how to move toward loving myself without going to therapy. i cant afford it but i really really wanna get better

Is there an email address where I can send you my comments without being public?

Hello Miss Peggy. I am a sexual abuse victim (i'm not a survivor YET, though i hope to be someday.) i really want to be a therapist.

The eyes can be very misleading if you rely on them only to make your decision?

Thanks for the video. I had sexual assault when I 13 and just a couple of months ago. I do have alot of negative self talk. My husband wont touch me. I am going to therapy June 17. My husband wont go.

Hi again, Peggy. I'm having a very bad time and felt the urge to write to pretty much anyone who understands... I hope you don't mind. I know you probably don't have the time to answer a bunch of questions from peoples personal troubles, so I'll try to keep it simple and short. When it feels like your whole family and relatives suffers and seem more or less insane and screwed up lives, how do I know I'm not crazy aswell, and how do I know what's healthy? I'm thinking about my family and feels like I'm in a prison... especially that I share their genes. A girl I've been liking for a long time seems to like me back as more than a friend, but I'm not sure I should try anything becouse of this. I really appreciate an answer, but if you're busy, I completely understand. Thanks for the videos. :)

Have you any tools to share when an individual begins to remember the past trauma of sexual abuse....At first it can be overwhelming and frightening to relive the memories. Any words of wisdom on how to mover forward rather than run from these overwhelming memories and feelings and horror?

I have been stressed out a lot and afraid to tell my mom but at my middle School a kid named Mason touches my butt and loves to rub my hair. He really creeps me out. he even says weird things like I love your big cheeks. he has said he loves me. I'm to embarrassed.

how do I reach out to you?

Thank you so much Peggy. Part of what you said really hit home for me (well, a lot of what you said!) - I saw my father recently after many, many years and he came up to me and said how different I was. That I wasn't that scared wallflower I used to be. I'm looking forward to watching more of your videos and also of reading your blog. I also was classic case, but didn't realize for such a long time. Thank you for helping so many! Debbie www.ifiwereabutterfly.com

I wish I could afford it

Half the time you don't know the people you're talking to. what you see is not always what you get

Why does everything say not to push therapy on the Teen, when clearly they will go through so many other problems because of the abuse. Why not stop the other problems before they begin? In Californai, kids 12 and older have to authorize the therapy. We can't just take them and hope they talk to them.

i wish, one time, if the 'healing experience' was so great, that 'survivors ' could PLEASE be responsive to the innocent people who tried to love them in their lives, but instead became so much fodder on the side of the road in their past. Great damage has been done second and third hand to people who were married to childhood sexual 'survivors', or survivor's children. There is very little ever mentioned or concern or resources at all available to us ~

So. since you were a victim (Childhood Trauma) and developed PTSD . you cannot be a therapies because that triggers your past experience and it seems to me that you aren't cure yet. in Psychology we call Second Trauma effects . you need psycho therapy.