Healing Sexual Abuse Q&A ~ Healing when you don't have clear memories 

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I'm at a very strange place right now. Watching many videos like this and trying to piece together my own situation and understand this gut feeling that I have, and have had for a while now... It's all very intense and I'm honestly very scared. I have no clear memories of abuse but my body knows something and has been trying to tell me. When she said honor those feelings I felt like my whole body was in a vacuum. My skin got goosebumps and my vision went narrow. The truth that I feel in my bones puts so many of my life's idiosyncrasies in blinding perspective that it becomes harder and harder to avoid or ignore. I just ask you all for your positive vibes as I struggle to unpack all of this. Thank you for this video and thank you all for being light personified. I pray you all overcome your own heavy situations as well. We are all one family and I love you all.

I thought I was alone in this but reading through this comment section was like receiving a really warm hug. Sending you all a lot of love

To everyone commenting: your stories make me feel less alone and less crazy. Thank you

True, I always knew straight up what happened even though I didn't remember and still don't, but my memories are slowly coming back now... it is true you just know period.

When i was 16, i finally got the courage up to tell my mom i was molested when i was younger. The first words she said "No you weren't. By who?" I felt like i was punched in my stomach. I instantly told her I lied and ive doubted myself since. I dont have visual memories, but i do have emotional and sometimes body memories. Parents, believe your kids when they tell you that.😔

my dad died in 2012 and sent me a letter apologizing and only now I'm starting to see bits and pieces of what he apologized for.

Thank you for this! I worked on my healing for sexual abuse for years and I even worked helping others heal theirs until something else started to unlock, something much bigger (this abused I had been healing was from a child at school but my dad was there when it happened and was always confusing why he didn't do anything, if he ever saw it, a lot of questions without answers). While healing the first one I started to have really vague memories of my own dad abusing me but I always tried to ignore them, I guess it was too hard to deal with it, but years past and they just kept coming to me and I couldn't ignore them anymore. I have just been opening more and more to it and feeling in a safe place right now has helped me to have the strength to open to healing. The other day a friend of mine told me that her friend's dad had just raped her and it was the key for my body to connect with my own memories, to go through the feelings, anxiety,, fear and all that I went through the times That my dad raped me as a little girl. I must have been really strong and ready because then I also started to have memories of my mum abusing me too somehow, which as you can all imagen makes it much worse. I'm so grateful for your video because I was trying to remember exactly what had happened but now I'm honoring more the awful feelings that I'm having of disgust, of wanting to throw up, of a deep feeling of rejection for both of them, and it's really starting to make all sense, all the struggle and fights I've had my whole life because I felt so uncomfortable and disgusted near them, I didn't really enjoy their presence but I always told myself that they were my parents and I just had to force myself to be with them. It all makes so much sense now. I honor my feelings and I respect myself. I now know I never ever have to force myself to anything even if I don't know the reason why, there's always a reason behind. Being sexually abuse by your parents is absolutely awful but trusting yourself and finally knowing why my life has been the way it has is a huge relief. I honor my self, I honor my little girl who's precious as can be.

Your voice is so soft and soothing. Your presence is so gentle and caring. Your words are so assuring and kind. Thank you so much

I think I needed to hear this. There are no memories but the gut feeling is there.

My abuser denied it..and now the flashbacks are making me think I'm crazy.

It is very difficult to heal when you only have pieces of memory and body memories.

Realizing the person i most loved in my life abused me. I'm just speechless and emotionless. I feel like a cold stone.

When you said honor your feelings and that my soul is asking me to heal.... that really hit home. Thank you. I doubted myself for sooo long. Even confronted the person, but he denied it which made me doubt even more. But NO. I trust myself. I know something happened, I don’t remember the face but know in my mind body and soul that something happened. Why else would I have this sick visual memory of me experiencing this?! I’m so so ready to heal.

I'm working on healing and learning to feel safe after realizing my dad took advantage of me as a baby, up until ~3. One of the first things I remember "knowing" as a kid was that kids don't really remember things before the age of 3. He spent years after that isolating me and grooming me. I didn't realize what actually happened until about a year ago, after I was already a couple years into intense therapy and unpacking other traumas. My mom left him many years ago for other reasons but her and my siblings still think and say he's safe, 'just weird'. I know I may never know the extent of what he did and I don't really want to know. I do remember other inappropriate things, and my body definitely remembers. I isolate so much, I don't feel safe ever, especially with people. It's so much worse around men. It's taken me so long to realize how hard it's been to just exist. It's been really frustrating and confusing, and I've definitely feared that I won't be able to heal it without remembering. I've started EMDR and I'm hoping that'll help bring some peace. Thank you for sharing your experience and wisdom 💖 You have such a healing presence, one I'm working to cultivate myself. Love seeing people bring light to these painful situations. Light and love to everyone working through their traumas 💖

i cried so much watching this thank u so so much x

Thanks ❤ well done. I hear many people talking about abuse with a tone of voice that's happy or sharp and their help is more like giving tips to get subscribers . I did not find this. I saw someone that made space with care and love. this is how it is best to talk to people ❤

My storey, thanks Peggy. I was invited into a work shack on the school ground as a child. They were building a new gym and I stayed after school to practise high jump. I remember very little but I think my pshyche allowed me I single memory to tell me that something horribly unthinkable happened to me . And the way they acted toward me in the following days. It destroyed my life. 54 yrs old and just getting started with healing

I recently got a vivid flashback of a childhood scene of me being sexually abused in a self-hypnosis meditation. I had very strong pysiological reactions too. But I'm having a hard time believing my mind isn't just playing tricks on me. How has it taken almost 30 years later to remember such a shocking experience? So hard to trust myself😟

This literally came at the best time x

Thank you-you are so easy to listen to and I really appreciate this!

Omg. You have a soothing voice

Wow. I can relate to this so much. Thanks for making this xo

Thank you so much!!! 🙏

I KNOW something happened to me. My body knows. I can’t remember and IDK if I want to.

I’m currently going through therapy because of some memories that came back not long ago. Not being able to remember the person that abused me and some parts, it’s very difficult. But this video really helped me with understanding and coping with this situation. Thank you so much.

Thank you 🌻

All I remember is being trapped in a closet and a dreamlike memory of generally extreme violation. I can still hear his screaming. I don’t know exactly what happened, but after grappling with it for so long, at one point it just clicked and suddenly I was sure that it happened. I ran from that man’s ghost for the rest of my childhood, adolescence, and early adulthood. No more. I’m finally healing because I choose to. I chose to be in multiple abusive relationships because I thought I deserved it. I can’t deny it anymore. I break down every time I talk about it for Christ’s sake. For the first time in my life I’ve chosen to love myself and honor myself, and my god, that was the hardest decision I’ve ever had to make, but thank god I did it

I’m 66 and have been married for 44 years and I have done some cognitive therapy in my 30’s that helped me with anorexia, compulsive obsessive disorder, tendency towards perfectionism and finally facing the diagnosis of manic- depression from my “ family tree”., but at that time I wasn’t able to delve into my abuse memory. I have questioned my “ body memory “ for years, however my husband has seen me react to him approaching me in certain ways “ like a little girl” and it upset him so much he said,” I’ll never do that again.” I am an intimate anorexic, shut down emotionally and sexually. Unfortunately I have been distracted with being full time caregiver for my 88 yr old daddy these last 7 years and now my husband requires my help due to his chronic health conditions so I do not have the time to heal myself yet😏. I thank you for your educational videos though. Hopefully they will help me until such time that I can have the time to get back into therapy. 11:38

Thank you so very much.

For the last 15 years or so I have had a physiological reaction around a particular family member which I have no explanation for. No memory of any abuse whatsoever. Thank you for what you are doing, Peggy. I am grateful for your videos. ♥

Thankyou Peggy, This makes so much sense and resonates with me so much.. You've got such a lovely way as you explain these questions. My memories are limited to a fairly minor sexual trauma however I feel there was more considering the neglect happening in our home. So many injuries over the years and lack of care when left in the care of my alcoholic father. Thankyou for this! I finally shared my sexual trauma with my therapist a couple of weeks ago. After 5 years of therapy with her. I'm 51 yrs old. Still can't tell my Mum about it even though I'm finally seeing all the neglect myself and my siblings experienced. She let it happen. Still need to address that. 🥰🙏

Thank you so much for this video. You explained everything i’m feeling so accurately. I feel like I have been remembering when I was about 4 or 5 and doing inappropriate things with an adult in their room. I feel like I can vividly remember the smell of their fingers (smelled like weed), the angle of the sunlight, the windows, the location of their mattress, what they were wearing. Everything feels so vivid, but I always have doubt that this memory was real…. I also have moments where I start panicking while thinking about it because I don’t remember what led up to that or how it ended. I just remember that specific part and then thats it. It makes me feel like it was just something I made up. I brought it up to my sister a few months ago, freaking out as if I had just remembered, but she wasn’t surprised and told me that we had already discussed this years ago. I don’t even remember telling her about it either… I also remember bits and pieces of other inappropriate moments with this person, but i don’t know what to think of them. Sometimes I feel weary to even call them “memories”.

I know what happened mostly. I don’t see a face This is the hardest part I think. I also have a hard time talking about it. This has affected my life so deeply in so many ways. Anger is huge. But now that I’m getting memory back I know why I got explosive anger at times. Making sense of a lot of my life more now that I remember

thank you for this video

Hi,i can relate into what your talking about as at the time i was very confused about it all the way everything was happening thinking at the time i was at the wrong place at the wrong time not knowing what to do,and just going along with it all,i was put in a tough situation,eventually after long time was able to unhook myself,and trying not to look back to get over it but to have all the memories of it all to add to I’ll call it all my collection, thank you for your videos,Denny🥵

Exibitionistic behaviour of family member was also abusive... also want to say it’s not a big deal .. 😣

I remember my first day of school, making friends, my teacher, and then it goes blank. Like, there's nothing. And then the lights turn on again and I'm in a hospital not making eye contact with the nurse asking me questions. "What color was his hair?" "Did you know him?" "What color was his shirt?" "What color were his eyes?" "Where were you?" His hair was dark. No, I didn't know him. His eyes were also dark. I was in a bathroom. I remember saying his shirt was green but also saying it was yellow. I also remember feeling like I was lying or like I made the while thing up. Or did I feel embarrassed? Then it goes dark again. The lights turn on once I graduated from kindergarten. My parents home schooled me for half of 1st grade but I must have forgotten about whatever happend immediately because I wanted to go to school again. My parents let me go. Because I thought that I made the story up, I felt like it was fake. My parents never talked about it to me and they never bothered to find him (I don't think) and that just made me think that I made it up even more. The only reason I started to doubt that was because my dad brought it up once. I asked why they took me out of school and he gave a very very brief explanation. He said that a friend noticed that I was losing a lot of weight. He told me that I closed up a lot and my mother asked me if anything was wrong. That's when I told her. I don't remember any of this ever happening.

It’s so difficult to trust my vision on 1 event , though I wrote about it , it felt real , but then after some time I go to ,, it couldn’t have happened/ he wouldn’t do this ,, . Or when confronted another abuser ? He denied it- i apologiesed because he , and other ppl were so sure , he’s not that type of person .

I know it happened but when it happened i was 5. i am 32 now and i am going crazy because sometimes i question myself, did i dream it? am i crazy? Y just have few glimpses, And the only one who saw which is my mom denies everything .

I think I dnt hve complete cause I was too young

💛

I don't trust anyone enough to talk out what I don't remember. And I don't have the money to get therapy or even "discount therapy." I feel lost and stuck. Any advice?

I'm so sad because I'm having memories and been asking about certain events and pieces come together and I'm scared because I don't know what tondo because it has affevced me. I still feel like a child. I will see mu psychologist im a few days but I feel broken because of the memories and the evidence :'(

I was brave enough to tell my family but they’re questioning me and my trauma because I don’t have complete memory

Hello, I've gone through episodes of memory recovery. Throuhout my years, multiple abusers, at different times of my life. Most recently, I am recovering memories of my brother-in-law whom I lived with from age 6-13. I know he abused me; but I can't remember details. At 19, after escaping him for six yrs, he raped me. Why can't I remember his face? Recently, his daughter posted a picture on FB thanking him for his armyservice in Viet Nam where he briefly served (three months) and was dishonorably discharged. I was blown away because I didn't recognize his face. I remember his essence, a real bad guy, disgusting' but not his face. Again, I was caught off guard. Even prior to that, I had begun to have memories of his abuse towards me. Consequently, I believe my system wants to tell. Any thought on why I blocked his face?

I'm in a very dark place right now. I just started watching your videos. How can you remember what happened, My sponsor wants me to dig deep into my childhood trauma for my testimony

Can I ask you? Did you know afterwards, that something had happened? On your body?.. Like, when you could remember.. Afterwards.

Hi there. Just viewed this. Are you still taking questions regarding this?

I have emotional memory of sexual interaction as a little girl from a certain man but I don't experience that memory as hurtful or disgusting. Am I missing something?

Having sound issues

how to cope with being sexually abused as a child

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I dont agree you can heal. it depends how it has affected the body .. many people cant say how it has affected their brain and body.