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Healing vs. Retaliation: Surviving Trauma and Sexual Abuse | Peter and Adenike Harris | TEDxPasadena 

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When the tragedy of sexual abuse struck Peter (“Pops”) and his daughter Adenike (“Ade”), they were faced with two life-altering paths: retaliate against Ade’s stepfather who had repeatedly sexually assaulted her from the time she was fourteen, or choose to strengthen their own relationship. Together, the two worked to create an inspiring system of support for one another that will change the way you think about love. Affectionately known as “Popsnade,” the father/daughter allies challenge, “What do you need to begin your healing foundation? Therapy? Non-abusive allies? Whatever you choose, it will require that you dig in. It hurts, it’s tough, and it is a consistent lifestyle change. But it is so worth it.”
Peter and Adenike Harris, also known as Pops‘nAde, provide practical and loving lessons learned from years of courageous “call-and-response” dialogue that helped them heal in the years after Adenike revealed her stepfather had sexually abused her from the ages of 14 to 22. In the spirit of Lift Every Voice and Sing, Pops‘nAde reveal how they became thriving survivors through tears, candor, imagination, and even hard-won laughter. Pops‘nAde are 21st Century Conversation Starters and Healing Partners with a dynamic message: “We’re all worth healing and no silence is good that keeps you from talking to people who can help you.” Pops‘nAde are living examples, whose powerful service offers a roadmap to rich, loving, and inspiring non-abusive relationships. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx

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31 окт 2018

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Комментарии : 238   
@miarideout5401
@miarideout5401 3 года назад
What I get tired of people telling us is to move on. Forget about it when they have no idea how hard it is and that people heal differently
@myyoutubeaccount12111
@myyoutubeaccount12111 Год назад
You may not want to hear it but, take it from me, facing it and moving on is the best. Better than years of rehashing it in therapy. God can help you.
@Addease
@Addease Год назад
I’m glad they will never have to understand and am so thankful for the ones that do understand
@miarideout5401
@miarideout5401 Год назад
@@myyoutubeaccount12111 I’m actually doing a whole lot better now that time has passed
@myyoutubeaccount12111
@myyoutubeaccount12111 Год назад
@@miarideout5401 sooooo happy to hear that. ❤️❤️
@Dayglodaydreams
@Dayglodaydreams Год назад
I’m glad you are doing better. I used to be so angry about it, then I started living in the present, and not looking back on it. That helped.
@IrinaTrustsGod
@IrinaTrustsGod 2 года назад
It's so unique to hear a father's perspective. It's really brave to assist a daughter's healing.
@IrinaTrustsGod
@IrinaTrustsGod Год назад
@@Truthseeker7771000 It is natural of a true father and still very honorable. Amazing, actually.
@IrinaTrustsGod
@IrinaTrustsGod Год назад
@@Truthseeker7771000 I didn't disagree.
@zoyamirza8978
@zoyamirza8978 3 года назад
"My daughter asked me to be my daddy not my avenger" that spoke volumes
@kristinmeyer489
@kristinmeyer489 3 года назад
I would want someone to be my avenger to prove they valued my life. I might not want a close relationship to be sacrificed this way, but the lazy complacent authorities could prove they give a damn about the reason they exist in the first place.
@deysilocacrazylocadia4989
@deysilocacrazylocadia4989 10 месяцев назад
Not 😢all people have this father!
@zoyamirza8978
@zoyamirza8978 10 месяцев назад
@@kristinmeyer489 I'm not saying that they shouldn't do anything to get u justice but the reality is that in our world especially focus a lot on the culprit in a way that it overshadows the victims mental health.
@user-fw1bo8in7f
@user-fw1bo8in7f 8 месяцев назад
Hearing “you’ve reclaimed your life now live your life” immediately put tears in my eyes it’s something I didn’t know I needed to hear
@Rachel-qf3kv
@Rachel-qf3kv 3 года назад
"Healing cannot be rushed" 🌱 Extremely powerful. Btw love, those men lost out on a beautiful, intelligent young woman.
@marcleon1513
@marcleon1513 3 года назад
As a man, I give this man credit for standing down and listening to his daughter. I often wonder if I would be able to do the same thing if something ever happened to my goddaughter.
@MeruJoy
@MeruJoy 7 месяцев назад
You have to
@4LLT0G3TH3R
@4LLT0G3TH3R 5 месяцев назад
​@@MeruJoy yes
@JolynJessica
@JolynJessica 7 месяцев назад
The light of these two shines through my screen right into my heart. What a great father and what a strong beautiful woman. I wish her love and healing.
@gillianedwards8773
@gillianedwards8773 2 года назад
"My father reset the standard of masculine connection and communication in my life" Wow powerful!!
@georgebabaeng8060
@georgebabaeng8060 4 года назад
This is a story that needs to be told in our community so that our women and men can begin the healing that is necessary for our community to thrive in unity; men and women living in community together without the conflicts and contradictions that come from trauma that has been silenced by fear and stigma. Although vengeance wasn't enacted here I would have like to see some restorative justrice intervention that would held the abuser to account.
@rechaelandrea
@rechaelandrea 5 лет назад
Thank you Sister! And your Dad! I'm finally going through the process of convicting my Stepfather and my own Dad is my biggest supporter.
@lilianaruiz549
@lilianaruiz549 4 года назад
Ilana Mumia how did the conviction go? Is it a long process I to am thinking of pressing charges on my abuser. But I really dread the process..
@aliciapettis1519
@aliciapettis1519 4 года назад
Awww This is so sad
@fairy_creations3804
@fairy_creations3804 4 года назад
I’m sobbing. Thank you! I haven’t told my father yet and I’m terrified. I don’t want him to blame himself. He’s an amazing person. I love him so f*cking much. I don’t know how I’m going to tell him but I will. 💕
@JadetheGoober
@JadetheGoober 3 года назад
They will always react that way because they love us. He will do what you tell him will work best to heal you. I love you, fam. God bless you.
@tanushukla8833
@tanushukla8833 3 года назад
Yes Girl.
@JustKellyVaughn-CreatedbyGod
@JustKellyVaughn-CreatedbyGod 2 года назад
You CAN do this and you are strong. You are a survivor, not a victim anymore, just decide and you got support!!!
@aditipandey4558
@aditipandey4558 2 года назад
Have u told ?? No offense if u don't want to share.
@snowcountry322
@snowcountry322 2 года назад
👍🏻
@xosommi
@xosommi 5 лет назад
I’m happy you had support through this! My family doesn’t care...
@frenchla1000
@frenchla1000 4 года назад
Sommi T do you have someone to talk to ? Therapist?
@melissaoconnell5648
@melissaoconnell5648 4 года назад
I'm sorry you're not feeling supported Sommi T. and hope you're seeking support. I, too am grateful for Pops'Ade's example for what is possible. It's a challenge to reach out for help when those who're closest to you become more of a barrier to healing. It may not be easy, yet it can get better with the right support and redeveloping trust with yourself. 🙏💕
@Letters2indigo
@Letters2indigo 4 года назад
I am Here for you
@mayadowe6000
@mayadowe6000 3 года назад
I care and I love you 💕 my you truthfully heal.
@ProdJamesCultz
@ProdJamesCultz 3 года назад
Same here we can support each other if you like most times it seems like that but if you keep it a secret no one will know it’s not that they don’t care and if so it still made us better people
@pennyc11
@pennyc11 2 года назад
Thank you dad. My father is gone now. He helped me try to prosecute my mothers boyfriend. Law enforcement made up for another officer's lack of training. I'm okay. Days are hard but I lived my life without the shadow of his ugliness. Every good day. Free day from oppression is a victory. I had a happiness those criminals will never know again.
@JadetheGoober
@JadetheGoober 3 года назад
These comments are so supportive and loving. Tbh im starting to believe predators seek out good hearted people on purpose.
@zoyamirza8978
@zoyamirza8978 3 года назад
when she said " my experience is not unusual " 💔💔💔💔
@Cloudwatchergirly
@Cloudwatchergirly Год назад
Super proud of her dad! Let the cops do their job, even though it’s hard. He’s a great dad!
@litestreamer
@litestreamer 7 месяцев назад
What a beautiful relationship between this daughter and father, and a great story of redemption, love and healing. They both have an amazing presence.
@sarahmasters4759
@sarahmasters4759 3 года назад
Thank you for sharing your story. Thank you, Daddy, for listening to your daughter. I told my daughter , after being violated, you were victimized but you are NOT a victim today. Your message was powerful!
@jdub0107
@jdub0107 5 лет назад
You both are amazing role models full of courage. Thank you for sharing your story
@raynalomker3073
@raynalomker3073 2 года назад
Had to pause halfway and cry a bit. Definitely stirred up lots of emotions and repressed stuff. Really inspiring message. Definitely looking at things better.
@sarahsmith3302
@sarahsmith3302 2 года назад
How he looks at her while they recall the memory..felt the love between them! Beautiful 💕
@latoyawolfe2572
@latoyawolfe2572 Год назад
Finding the right people to journey with me is the most painful traumatic and exhausting experience that it makes healing harder to gain
@allcitizenschurch1
@allcitizenschurch1 2 года назад
This young lady is amazing. Peter's perspective and choice to stand down is amazing.
@annakachur8352
@annakachur8352 Год назад
I'm crying as I watch this and feel a sense of releif from not being alone. It is so important to choose with whom to share right. You absolutely right.
@snoop9581
@snoop9581 Год назад
This was so beautiful. As a father myself watching him grow along with you during your time of crisis and being not only your dad but a friend also is amazing. I love this. I pray for continued guidance, healing and strength for the both of you.
@milliewoo337
@milliewoo337 2 года назад
They are both such a beautiful depiction of kindness, healing and bravery. They turned this into such an empowering story of what the human experience can be
@umapuma
@umapuma 3 года назад
so beautiful to see this two. my father was always the kindest and most supportive person in my life, you just remembered me that
@Soulfolder
@Soulfolder 11 месяцев назад
So powerful. The energy they are radiating is incredible. So much honesty, vulnerability and connection. Thank you, it’s healing me.
@lisafletcher8676
@lisafletcher8676 2 года назад
Thanks for sharing even hearing a father standing with his daughter throught this difficult times says to us who have been abused that all men are not beast but there is still good fathers
@lucyjordan3124
@lucyjordan3124 3 года назад
My heart is with you Adenike - and Pops in your support of your daughter. Thank you wholeheartedly for your honesty and wisdom.
@drpatgay
@drpatgay 5 лет назад
Choosing to be well. Thank you both.
@theresawatson9075
@theresawatson9075 Год назад
Way to go girl! I'm a survivor too! I chose to be well also, without help from family.
@lauramena5662
@lauramena5662 Год назад
This is the most genuine bond I've ever seen!
@torianajones6349
@torianajones6349 5 лет назад
I love this and I love you both! I have watched this three times and each time I've heard something that I hadn't heard before. The reminder of having a choice always sticks out. I love you Ade.
@tamekaannnewton7761
@tamekaannnewton7761 5 лет назад
Powerful!! I am so proud of Adenike!!! Honored to call you sister-friend!!
@skyylea9859
@skyylea9859 3 года назад
It’s a blessing you had/have support . My uncle got away with so you’re lucky ! I’m happy for you
@lovelyjbowden
@lovelyjbowden 3 года назад
I love you both 💗 I prayed for a parent like him to protect me. Thank u for listening to her. I will continue to pray for the right person to come into my life that will hear my heart and not just my story.
@manishamusic
@manishamusic 5 лет назад
Thank you for sharing - together - the story of your journey together. It's also rare to get a glimpse of the perspective of someone whose friend or loved one has experienced such a violation. It's wonderful to be reminded that the journey of healing for each person is unique. A powerful telling of your opening, your imagining, your choosing, your moving through, your reclamation.
@pluckybellhop66
@pluckybellhop66 Год назад
It's a good thing they have this but I feel jealous of their relationship and it hurts. My dad didn't take it well and was more angry at me than the guy who drugged me, especially when his girlfriend suggested that I had an agenda and he started bringing his preferential treatment for his gf into my healing process. Everyone keeps telling me to forgive forgive forgive but I feel like I'm being stolen from again when people take my anger away too. It'll fade with time but I'm scared to go through this whole healing process for the 3rd time.
@pluckybellhop66
@pluckybellhop66 Год назад
I'm in this weird stage where I only trust people who are angry with me and feed my anger and I'm not ok with it, this isnt who I am.
@InpuTTang
@InpuTTang 5 лет назад
poignant and powerful telling of the journey!!! thank you!!! especially for your use of art as tool for healing
@jameswaters3599
@jameswaters3599 3 года назад
Wow! So empowering! Thank you for helping me live through this... so I might help my child heal as this father did.
@vkali9245
@vkali9245 5 лет назад
That was abSOlutely masterful. Your choosing TO BE well, is the reflection of GAWD WORKING THROUGH ALL HUMANS. Thank youse for witnessing and testifying on the POWER OF POSSIBILITY~
@victoriacarter7426
@victoriacarter7426 2 года назад
😭😭😭😭😭 So moving and powerful. I wish I had someone like this in my life, when I was experiencing and healing from my SA trauma.
@SaraHartHolistic
@SaraHartHolistic 2 года назад
This was so powerful and healing... thank you for sharing 💗 To see such a genuine and authentic relationship between a daughter and father is something new for me. So grateful to know it’s possible 💞
@yarngalatownsend5789
@yarngalatownsend5789 3 года назад
Beautiful does not describe this💕💕💕💕 You will never know the courage listening to this gave me...
@1Lightdancer
@1Lightdancer 4 года назад
Such a powerful, important healing story! Thank you ❤
@TheeFitFlightAttendantDee
@TheeFitFlightAttendantDee 5 лет назад
Simply amazing and eloquent!! Thank you both so much pops n Ade.
@julianariley3395
@julianariley3395 2 года назад
This is an amazing story❤️ my family tells me not to talk about it because people won't understand and they will just look down upon me.... Those I have chosen to lean on have been amazing
@saidatoke3124
@saidatoke3124 2 года назад
Adenike, I wish you so much love and joy for the rest of your life. Your dad is amazing. I still miss my dad who died twelve years ago.
@melissaoconnell5648
@melissaoconnell5648 4 года назад
Thank you for living an example I hope more can benefit from witnessing and following. Moving and beautiful - filled with serious surrender, call and response to action, engaging full attention to connective communication........let alone all the attention taken for self-care - with individual and mutually unifying work focusing on the deepest, most honest, integrity, love and hope. All that journeying in one lifetime. Beyond inspiring.
@preciousone9377
@preciousone9377 4 года назад
I’m so happy they found their path to healing and recommitting to the father/daughter bond. Thank you sharing such a difficult piece of your life, it’s inspiring and encouraging for those dealing with same or similar issues. God bless the rest of your journey collectively and individually.
@user-no3to2mn3l
@user-no3to2mn3l 6 месяцев назад
still healing … my anger has gotten worse .. on Dec 20 .. it will officially be 1 year since it happened… I’m trying .. it’s hard . But I’ll keep trying and trying till I reach for the light at the end
@Diana-ux1du
@Diana-ux1du 3 года назад
Omg im crying ! You both are really amazing 😭💕 thanks for sharing 🙏🏻
@jewel6787
@jewel6787 Год назад
I’m so glad you have been on the road to healing and that your father has been by your side. When I told my father what my stepfather had done, he “acted” angry. I know it was an act because he later did the same thing.
@blazemusing5491
@blazemusing5491 Год назад
Sorry you were betrayed and hurt in that we. Please seek support on your road to healing.
@lolmac6456
@lolmac6456 3 года назад
You two are such beautiful people, thank you so much for your words, your experience and your courage. You've helped me beyond measure. You are an amazing, inspirational woman, and have the most wonderful father 🙏❤️
@meganbowman4747
@meganbowman4747 Год назад
Heartwrenching, lovely and inspirational all at once. Delivered by two honorable and courageous individuals.
@cindynguyen8982
@cindynguyen8982 5 лет назад
so powerful. thank you
@cpbeauvoir
@cpbeauvoir 3 года назад
Thank you both for sharing your story. How powerful it is to have your father stand beside you ❤
@pia_om
@pia_om 8 месяцев назад
So glad for you Ade
@reneegonzales8376
@reneegonzales8376 Год назад
This was exactly what I needed to hear. I know my bio father, who I have nothing to do with, will not be my rider and live buddy. However, I have a beautiful friend who is by my side! I’m saddened that I had no family member who thought I was worthy enough to get angry, saddened over, or want to hurt my predator. I wouldn’t want them to act on it but to atleast feel angry or hurt for me, instead of silence. I know Jesus Christ loves me and was/is saddened for me. I am now starting to heal
@jennajoseph893
@jennajoseph893 9 месяцев назад
Sending you love my dear Sibling in Christ!!! 💖💖💖💖💖💖
@samarnold1839
@samarnold1839 Месяц назад
I have so much respect for the two of you rn. For her to stand there, being so brave and so confident. What a STRONG woman. And her father. I can relate, so hard. He gave words to my feelings, and direction for my mind. Plus, I l9ve his taste in music
@tvm-growthisunlimited9023
@tvm-growthisunlimited9023 2 года назад
Empathy for your experience. Awesome unity of you both and effective presentation!
@charlottewolfe9524
@charlottewolfe9524 4 года назад
Thank you so much, all the best xxx
@manovnanarcisse7266
@manovnanarcisse7266 Год назад
This is the most beautiful TedTalk that I've ever seen
@palapalak.8907
@palapalak.8907 11 месяцев назад
Thank you for sharing. Very uplifting and encouraging. Kept the focus on you. Amazing.
@danaguyer8863
@danaguyer8863 3 года назад
This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing!
@janellelopez6784
@janellelopez6784 Год назад
thank you both for sharing your story. never cried so much during a Tedx Talks. I needed this. thank you.
@greenpea889
@greenpea889 2 года назад
I’m crying, so beautiful
@dodiemuassa8895
@dodiemuassa8895 Месяц назад
I want to give you a warm hug. I was silent about mine and it came from church. God bless you, beautiful woman. I love you🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿💜💜💜💜
@pattispassion
@pattispassion 2 года назад
Magnificent and Powerful. Thanks to you both.
@keyfield8967
@keyfield8967 2 года назад
WOW!! Bravo!! I watched from beginning to end then repeated. Very 'productive' for me. Thank you!!
@JustKellyVaughn-CreatedbyGod
@JustKellyVaughn-CreatedbyGod 2 года назад
Beautiful and inspiring for MANY, thank you for this, both of ya'll!!!
@marenvanwinkle7851
@marenvanwinkle7851 25 дней назад
I realize this is 5 years old but THANK YOU for posting this❤
@tuneshaedmondson4137
@tuneshaedmondson4137 3 месяца назад
What a profound story thank you for finding the courage to speak out on your pain an anguish we all go through things in life but we never know that the same thing God will lead us to build us up😊❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
@cinnabun715
@cinnabun715 Год назад
This was amazing! I love pops ❤everyone needs someone like him in their days ❤
@adjoachilds6074
@adjoachilds6074 Год назад
Tears. Appreciation.
@user-py8hs5od4q
@user-py8hs5od4q 3 года назад
This is very strong and fascinating... Thanks for that story 🙏
@jacquidanke1263
@jacquidanke1263 8 месяцев назад
YOU ARE AN ISPIRATION TO ME. GOD BLESS YOU BOTH IN YOUR JOURNEY FORWARD!
@healingsacredfeminine
@healingsacredfeminine 2 года назад
Sooo powerful and inspiring. Thank you for sharing this.
@l3l3Cakes
@l3l3Cakes 4 года назад
Beautiful 🙏🏾
@supernaturalvictorieswithsunny
🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 I’m healing, my family and the world knows 🙏🏽🙏🏽🙏🏽 Healing can’t be rushed.
@beautybombmom
@beautybombmom 2 года назад
This really touched my heart. Thank you so much for sharing your story
@Amanuensis8
@Amanuensis8 5 лет назад
Still mining the Genetic Dancers legacy, Peter Harris is a treasure. GWC Museum at Tuskegee is indeed inspiring. Carver, like P&A, survived and triumphed.
@thatmombielife
@thatmombielife Год назад
This is family. This is beautiful.
@JoseHernandez-oz5qe
@JoseHernandez-oz5qe Год назад
For all men out there’s. You are not alone. I survived and you will too. Stay strong
@samanthaalexander3057
@samanthaalexander3057 3 года назад
what a woman and what a man too. Proud of the both of you!
@PriceOfSalmonIsOutOfControl
This is so beautiful and lifted me up today god bless both of them - quiet a few amazing things I gained from this video
@itsekaterina646
@itsekaterina646 5 лет назад
💚 this. Thank you
@caughtmeontheflip
@caughtmeontheflip 3 месяца назад
u are not defined by the worst that you’ve experienced
@matthewirvin6505
@matthewirvin6505 3 года назад
That man is strong and so is she. She ia beautiful
@alexandersstudio3145
@alexandersstudio3145 10 месяцев назад
Gf went through stuff like this, so I'm about to watch all of the videos so I can try to help her with it
@BWills953
@BWills953 5 месяцев назад
Thank you. Please do, and please don't marry her if you don't understand the emotional instability that comes with it.. pls listen to her, she's broken now....let her heal before you marry her. We are one of the most loving people when healed. Also, please learn how to handle conflict before you get married. It will help you guys.
@lauramapani3627
@lauramapani3627 4 месяца назад
Thats amazing!
@SheidaRad
@SheidaRad 11 месяцев назад
Amazing story! I had goosebumps thinking about my own father
@lolyband
@lolyband 5 лет назад
amazing healing
@SterianAlinaNicoleta
@SterianAlinaNicoleta 2 года назад
Mulțumesc frumos pentru video
@waynemichaellindeman667
@waynemichaellindeman667 Год назад
Beautiful heart in this woman.
@kiranchudasama2724
@kiranchudasama2724 Год назад
Choose to be well ❤️ thankyou so much
@dodiemuassa8895
@dodiemuassa8895 Месяц назад
SQUEAZING VICTORY OUT OF A NEGATIVE SITUATION!!!!!!! Yes GOD!!!! I need to forgive
@divineceleste.m
@divineceleste.m 2 года назад
❤️❤️❤️ You have a wonderful father!
@AK-lt8on
@AK-lt8on 2 года назад
Strong, courageous, and beautiful. ❤️🥰💐
@tinarizonastateuniversity9661
@tinarizonastateuniversity9661 2 года назад
this was so beautiful!
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