How Avoidants Feel After Breakup? 5 Avoidant Deactivation Strategies 

I always felt he didn't care at all. He would go no contact for a week like I never existed and yet I would still reach out and ask " how are you " and it's draining to be ignored . I've given him grace and just learned he's really anxious 😟 about a lot and I deserve someone emotionally available that can communicate with me vs just ignore me and only text when he wants to ask for sex

My ex told me he has lost feelings for me, about 4 months ago already. 4 months in which I desperately tried to repair things between us. He was so cold and mad in our last conversation. It was a 6 yr relationship, and all I had asked him for, was to stop lying to me. Obviously that was too much to ask. He wanted to stay friends and even hug me - which I refused because I was so badly hurt in that moment. I regret it now and more than once, I just wanted to reach out and talk to him. But I’m scared of his coldness. No contact for 2 and a half weeks now, and he hasn’t reached out at all. I even stopped seeing mutual friends. Haven’t eaten anything in more than a week because of that pain in my heart. I’m devastated, heartbroken and feel totally worthless.

I had the most meaningful relationship with an Avoidant(?). He hadn't been serious with anyone in 4 years. He said he wanted us to be permanent and that he appreciated my presence in his life. Detailed talks about who wants what in a partner. Then his bedridden mother whom he was primary caregiver to died. I was there for him like noone else was. And noone else was, at all. He was constantly grateful. Within 2 weeks, he took me for a drive and said we should be friends because he wants me around for sure. Since that night, he has been so consistent in calling and checking up on me, asking how everything in my life is going, if we can meet for dinner. I give minimal information and don't talk on the phone. Haven't spoken in a week. It hurts. I just don't get it.

Your videos always keep me the hope that i still can have real love without hurting my truely loved one so much, thanks for everything you done.

This described avoidants to the point. Thank you. It is helpful to know what we are dealing with and that can be a game changer.

Circling back to this video after several months, I notice a trend among about half a dozen RU-vid channels that discuss attachment styles. When they speak about "intellectualism (which another channel describes as 'intellectual bypassing which is a better descriptor to me)" they often paint it as a bad thing to consider things like scholarly advice or anthropological evidence. My question is, isn't that what we're doing in analyzing attachment styles and figuring out how to communicate with them? I would argue that spending time trying to figure out their behavior and act accordingly would be a form of intellectual bypassing because you're taking those things into account before you respond to someone who is one of these attachment styles. That said, I'm not saying intellectual bypassing is a bad thing. In fact, I think we SHOULD do it more often lest we get caught up in our emotions and make HUGE mistakes. For example, I know that I require a prenuptial agreement before I enter into marriage. This is because I see the divorce rates in the US as well as the reported reasons for said divorces. So again, I'm not knocking intellectual bypassing, but the information being shared about attachment styles and how to navigate them can easily be argued as a form of intellectual bypassing.

OMG I am right there at the moment. Wanting to run from my 26 year marriage as most of the kids are grown and got in touch with my ex who I am convinced was the love of my life. Though at the time I cheated constantly and treated him awful and then just left. He's being polite but not really interested and it's driving me crazy even though I don't deserve him. He is married but told me he never found love again as he put up a shield. I can't see a future though with my husband and just want to run away, I have always put the kids first so that is why I am in this situation. I have let him know I am avoidant which he says explains a lot!

Really enjoying your content thank you so much

Very useful content. Thank you. 🙏Could an avoidant have a dependant personality at the same time or overattachment issues? 🤔

Thank you for the video 📹 i do believe he has a phatom ex he cant get over .he told me he had a flawless FWB relationship that gave him sex until she fell in love 🥰 with a man ( while still dating him ) & they moved into gether and he hasn't found anyone that will give him that same type of relationship, so he just runs through women with ( no strings ) .he doesnt do " labels". That was a red flag,for me .i will not compare to any phantom. Sadly I had relationship with him 2 months in and he didn't confess this until afterwards when I tried to come over to his place a week later

I just started no contact after my breakup. I have anxious attachment , she is avoidant. I'm trying to focus on myself but it's good to know I'm not the only one who is going through the emotions. Any recommendations would be appreciated.

We broke up 2 weeks ago this Friday. Since then we have spoken 3x, but I want to enter into no contact. Is it too late to start? Where I think I messed up, is the next morning he posted a picture from the night before where he appeared to on a date and I asked if he was seeing someone. He responded and I didn't say anything else beyond that point. My DA ex wants to be "friends" and was essentially asking to remain in my life, while looking tearful, so I'm a bit confused. We dated almost a year and had a generally pleasant relationship, with deep, meaningful talks that he wanted. He was becoming more vulnerable and expressed that he was surprised that it had gone beyond his usual limit.

Never heard this term before

He blocked me on everything and I feel like he won’t come back and he’s done and I’m so hurt and I miss him he actually sweet and I’m doing no contact

At what point did you provide the solution?