2 years in, I (anxious open heart) say, “I love you”. He (avoidant) said, “I like you a lot. I don’t want to hurt you.” I was prepared for this and said, “It’s a gift!” I meant it honestly and did not say it again. Almost a year later, he said to me, “I like your whole self, especially how you are true to yourself.” He knows that I have continued to love him, I do not say it in order to pressure him to say it in return, and over time we have grown closer and fit our realities together more comfortably. Love is patient, love is kind. This is biblical and refers to a spiritual kind of love, but it is my mantra. If you really love without strings attached, it is a gift that you give freely. You cannot demand in return. That is possession and ego talking. I do not need false promises or forced lies. I am seeking true understanding and spiritual intimacy. Does it hurt not to hear it back? Yes. I am only human and I seek external validation. But is it more important to actually have this loving relationship than to hear the words? Yes. The actual reality of the relationship is more important.
Your comment resonates with me as well. I didn't say I love you, but I said I was ready for a deeper emotional connection and that a friend told me that I love him. He said almost the exact same thing - I like you so much, and I don't want to hurt you. It did feel like a gift to say my truth but he might not be ready for his. that's his journey and this is mine. He said we would continue to have the conversation, and I started by asking him what he needed and what I could do to facilitate that and make him feel safe. I don't think anyone ever considered that for him before. Sometimes, it will take time to process and move slowly through the steps to this kind of enlightenment. This was a powerful message, and we are all lucky that the universe and Briana sent it to us. I try to not label what his attachment style is because I don't really know, and I am sure he doesn't know. But loving someone means giving them what they need to feel safe even if it means space and time.
Beautiful message, understanding and perspective. I hope you receive the love you desire and have it verbally expressed to you too. Love the Biblical reminder here. May Father bless you 💖
I really like Tracey Marks and Dr. Ramani, but Briana is just amazing and the way she speaks digs into you. Like someone speaking with enough resolve and compassion that it echoes inside you and drowns out all the other shit. Man...thank you. This stuff is really gonna help.
That is the opposite of what she said in the final analysis. It was deep, and you should listen again and again until you realize that trying to control what another person wants, needs, or feels is what causes the failure in the relationship. It is about being true and authentic and letting them be authentic. This was a lot to take in - especially at the end but one of the most powerfully suggestive ideas on emotional connection I've ever heard. In the end, it doesn't matter if you end up with this person, it matters if you expand your belief that what you want and need is ready to come in for you. Embrace each experience as part of the journey, and don't get hung up on this particular person. Let them be them and you be open to whatever they can bring to you in this moment. Putting the emphasis on them is what makes it fail. Your happiness is your responsibility - try to own it.
All failed relationships help you work towards what you fully desire. Put those good things in your vortex. Eventually you will attract and like the whole pie
I should learn to not put unavailable women I'm attracted to on a pedestal. Lesson learnt. We're all human. I took way too much blame when things started to go south, only to realise my needs aren't unhealthy, they're just different and if she's not willing to meet them, I should be able to respect that and not hold it against her. It just takes time to get there..
Exactly ~ both sexes are equal in value... never put yourself down... take accountability for what you actually are accountable for but not the rest ... she has her issues too... also, sometimes it’s just not a good match and both people are just right for other people... like an Apple/Orange issue :) I think we do that subconsciously because what we take responsibility for, we have in our control to fix... but there’s a lot we aren’t in control of ! We can’t control other people! If they’re being mean... that’s not our responsibility. Be well☀️
Patience Consistent action Honoring your own boundaries Being Independent person Use terms specifically for them. Not generic. To change the external, you need to change the internal.
I can really relate to this. I have spent the past two years becoming a more secure person but my partner isn't keeping up. I love him but I want more. My heart is breaking.
Being a human is so fvcking hard. Omg this stuff is so hard. Thank you for this video and all your others..but omg, Ive been crying so much...and I know theres more to cry out but I hate crying. I feel so dehydrated and alone. Today sucked. This video gave me some insights though so thank you. I appreciate you.
Going thru something similar with a DA I fell for during the pandemic. I didn't think I'd let myself get involved and BAM... now I'm in this comments section 😢 wishing healing to you and me and everyone else in this situation.
Brianna, just want to say the last statement you made in this video is so powerful and so consoling that it made me teary. I am anxiously attached m, trying to get closer to my friend who is avoidant. It’s tough to even be friends !!! Because I have this romantic notion of close friendship with someone i wish to connect on a intellectual level. It’s all illusion and fantasy. Thanks for making me stronger to go through the rides of my waves !
Very well stated. I have always felt that at the core of a relationship is not about how the other person feels about you but how you feel about yourself about the way they feel about you. I have always felt that if you truly love some one you should express those feelings along with the words. I do not take their attacment style into consideration of how I want to express myself. If telling a person who is dismissive avoidant that I love them, then I will say so. If that is the wrong "general approach" with this type so be it. I would rather stay true to myself than have to stage my affections.
Thank you for sharing your experience and your perspective. I would agree that it is important to stay true to yourself, and to Xpress how you really feel. However, I would point out that mo most of us are trained to express ourselves in defensive or invasive Ways, that don’t take into consideration the impact that we might have on the other person involved in the equation. A relationship is made up of two different people in two different realities, there is room for both people to be who they are, and yet create space for the other persons experience to be equally valid. There is a spirit of generosity required here, to make room for understanding that the love you want to express may be received more accurately to the way that you intend, if you take the other persons perspective into account. This does not mean you are abandoning yourself, but rather you are incorporating two different energies, and allowing for there to be something new created between you. Thank you for contributing to the discussion. I hope this helps.
Thank you for your comments. I do agree that you should think of the other person and take their perspective into consideration. However having said that my other was a hard core DA, who does not think that way. Like you have said, DA process emotions later and usually inaccurately portray the moment. I am just saying it is a mistake to over analyze IMO when expressing yourself to a DA. I have never met a more insecure person than her and I feel a ton of empathy for her. But that run of the mill talk as children that they heard has to be let go and understand that real love and affection has a real truth to it that is very powerful. Thanks again for responding and I do watch and follow you. I enjoy your channel.@@brianamacwilliam.attachment
The anxious are anxious enough! We are not mind readers, why don't they just say that they need space or what ever, so we understand why & what they are doing instead of being detatched & almost guilty/dismissive, why do we have to bend over backwards to fit into their world to feel rejection & confusion, wether they are aware or not! How would/do you know if they are playing you or not!? 🤔😔
Has love become more complicated because of increasing awareness of Good and bad. Every experience negative and positive changes the love bond of the couple in a relationship. Longtime ago it was survival, and married couple just held and loved eachother to survive. Now these days it's all want, want want and more want. These wants are not needs because survival should be the main point. You will say I love you if your life depends on it.. the meaning will be real, the feeling real. But in the age of wants and pride and ego mental health is not lacking. Everyone needs to humble themselves and survive in all aspects of life. Luxury, pride and ego destroys sincere love.... movie, magazine, media are all about prideful love. Selfie anyone!??!#@
Please leave people as they are . Dont put your energy so much in getting a guy . Love shouldn’t be hard. It should be free from any boundaries insecurities fears and mystery
Oh my gosh. I'm just blown away at the wisdom and enlightenment that you've shared and you're level of consciousness and ability to resonate with what I'm experiencing. Thank you so much. I feel really grateful to have come across your video.
As long as you keep coming back he will abuse you neglect you and take you for granted. He’ll think twice once he sees you with a better looking more successful man. Unfortunately these idiots never learn til it’s too late. My ex chic learned when I showed her pics of the hotter younger girl I was with on the side while she was neglecting me
This is the most powerful video on relationships I’ve seen in 2023 for those with insecure attachment styles (and it’s from 2020!!). Bar none. I sat in shock for 5 min before writing this comment. I agree with the comment about “Genius” Thank you so much. I’ve been so blessed by this
Incredibly powerful content and must be listened to several times to absorb it. I have listened to several of your videos and they do resonate intellectually, but now how to implement the concepts is another story. To have it really sink in and experience change......I can't wait to see!
I agree. Attachment theory should be taught in schools - it would prevent so many unnecessary problems. Personal, emotional, relationships, societal..... the list goes on! It can have an immeasurable catastrophic domino effect - which could mostly be prevented. #Nobody is taught how to be a parent.
Thank you for this. It gave me the missing piece of a puzzle that I just couldn't solve. Now I finally see what I failed to realize in my last relationship - which failed most spectacularly.
Omg, Briana, was so upset today and knew I'm off balance and not in my power. So desperately desiring something from the outside. And this message brought me ground that I've lost for a bit. Thank you❤❤❤
You explain reality so well Briana, THANK YOU!!!! May God, this incredibly amazing Universe, continue to bless your existence greatly & bountifully, for your gracious service to mankind
Thank God I have plenty of room to pray for "my own Kimberly, you, and all those other people who continue to hurt and hunt for answers to their own acceptance and fulfillment
I can't stop watching/listening to this. This is exactly what i've been needing these past several months. From beginning to end, but ESPECIALLY the last 5 minutes. IT'S SO DEEP and you do such a damn good job of articulating it all. You're amazing!
This is perfect for my situation and it really helps me to put things to perspective quicker. I am starting to accept the fact that the person I am talking to and me can only be close friends but at times, there was some dissatisfaction from my end and I couldn’t put them into words, I didn’t quite understand what I feel and sometimes I dismiss it. I have been trying to really look into it and listen to it but it’s quite difficult. But after this video, everything is clearer now. Thank you so much!
This video is GOLD..!! Every bit of it resonates deeply with me... I love the change in perspective where u thank and use Gratitude towards the universe for that one slice u like and accept that there will be an entire pie or even better an Ice-cream Sunday that you'll love every bit to devour...! Thanks for this Awesome video...!💝🤘
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm thrilled that you found the teaching incredible and that you love the prayer at the end. It means a lot to me that my content resonates with you.
This is incredible. Your proclamation to commitment to acknowledging reality of self and then moving in truth is beyond illuminating. You confirm with clarity the answer that has been rising to the surface. Thank you!
Wow, this is so incredible! Exactly what i needed to hear. It IS amazing that the universe handed me that slice of pie. I felt it so deeply and intensely more than i ever have before that I thought that slice was THE slice. But it was just a breadcrumb on the path to the whole dang pie!
This channel is a JEM! Thank you so much for your videos. Its been a long journey to self-love by digging deep into my insecurities. I feel that you have both confirmed that I have made much more progress than I realized and excited and hopeful to continue to work toward being my best self for myself and others. I know 2020 sucked on a more physical level but I used this year to let go of a lot of self-imposed inner conflict and step into who I want to be!
I’m so glad that you liked this video. And that it could confirm some realizations for you. Bravo for letting go of self imposed inner conflict. Sending you big hugs on the journey.💕
Wow! Saving this to re watch multiple times! I've been looking all over for an answer and you stitched it all together so well. Could relate to your monologue so well, and had me teary eyed, at the edge of my seat. Most importantly, made me realize that I have lots of inner work to do, and not only them who has to. Thank you for this amazing piece you put together.
