How Do I Heal From Childhood Trauma and Be a Good Parent? 

Out of curiosity how old are you? Also for how long have you been on a mental health/ emotional health healing journey? I'm 34 and have been working on my own healing journey for somewhere between 21 years and idk 6 years depending on how you look at the start of it all lol... but I also have an aces score of kinda 7 if you squint or definitely 6. I was on the borderline of a 7th one. I wish you luck. I'm excited to be a good parent to foster children one day soon, I'm pretty sure I'm emotionally ready to start trying I just an not financially stable enough nor have I found a good life partner who is far enough past their own traumas. There's so much hurt out there, I've found.

7 here too.. CBT, DBT, schema therapy, emdr. In year 4 of healing ❤️‍🩹 3.5 years no contact with my “mother”. Predatory Father passed thank goodness 🎉

People who have no business having children need to quit reproducing...

Dating opened my eyes to this reality.

I took the anxiety test and had two red, two or three yellow and green in Belief/Faith. Don't know what score that is tho...

So proud of this first caller with an ace score of 10. What a legend calling in ❤

Praying for you

Praying for you Monique ♥️💕🙏🏻 Seriously....right this moment as I type.

@@antoinelyons5323 Thank you! 💕

@@starlingswallow Thank you & God bless! 💕

6months later I'm watching because I need to forgive my parents for betraying me. Lol He still needs help too, but I do too.

Everyone wins a prize? Our prize? We are not our mothers. Violated for standing our ground, not meeting their deluded, irrational needs, shamed for not being the reflection of them they want to see, devouring us psychologically... they'd feed us to the lions to save them selves. They are not mothers. We are not what they said we were. Felt compelled to acknowledge your comment... and you... and Dennis... standing your ground vs standing over... Again - we are not our mothers.

Yeah. I took a trauma training a few years ago provided by my company about how to recognize trauma in kids and such... my aces score is 3. It didn't even ask about the bullying or embarrassment I experienced as a child at school.

Where do I find the 2nd call?

It's weird how predictable it is for us. Definitely had that experience. :) I also have an ace score of at least 6. (6 might be most accurate, but I'm close to a 7.)

The ACE score is basically a measurement of childhood abuse. You have one "point" for each of the following that you experience before you're 18 Physical Abuse Emotional Abuse Sexual Abuse Substance abuse in the home An incarcerated household member A family member in the home who chronically has untreated mental health issues, is institutionalized, and/or is suicidal Mother or primary female caregiver is treated violently One (single parent family) or no parents Physical neglect Emotional neglect Hope this helps! God bless you

Thank you that’s very informative

​@sarab9319 it looks like they updated it to no longer be biased by gender when it comes to witnessing one parent abuse the other. It's still really traumatic to watch your mother's violent rage hurting your father, I can attest

Prayer is a big key. Having that personal relationship with Jesus.

I would suggest looking at Patrick Teahan and Dr. Rahmani(med circle) videos on RU-vid. I think they best describe some hard things many people go through in childhood / adulthood and awareness is key. Then maybe therapy if you are able to get it.

Read: Healing the child within. Fantastic book! We ALL have some kind of trauma that happened in childhood and it realllllly affects us.

​@@Ja-oq4sc ha no. Sorry to laugh but. Jesus is very unnecessary. I swear. Healing is so possible with or without it.

Fundamental: Rewriting the self talk in our head and the fundamental beliefs we hold -- look into schema therapy for an idea around it. Desensitizing ourselves to triggers and processing the traumas in a healthy way so it becomes integrated as just part of our past history, not feeling like it's still happening in the present. Finding a way to surround yourself with healthy, securely attached individuals is so key, strong friendships or a healthy romantic relationship is so healing and validating -- most people can't learn to love yourself without being loved by others first. Even a therapist can be a profoundly healing experience irrespective of the therapy itself but because this safe person helps you heal just by being in your presence and caring about you. A lot of things add up. Recognizing your own emotions is a key part of healing, saying it out loud clicks something in your brain that even writing doesn't. Rewriting neutral pathways. Changing your emotional state by changing your physiological state is a very real thing btw, that's why meditative breathing actually helps get you to calm down or a hug and the oxytocin released (even cuddling a pet can do it) actually helps in a very genuine way when you're extremely upset. It truly is comforting your emotions, physically and practically changing them. There's so much to it. One of the first steps is awareness and understanding of what is going on. What dissociation or being triggered is and isn't. Emotional dysregulation. Etc. Awareness is the first step and then you can start recognizing in the moment it is happening and stop feeling so controlled by your reactions or so surprised by them. You can start to predict them and prepare to avoid reacting that same way but also you can recognize in the moment what past trauma is being activated vs what actually is fair in the present for the situation. And from there you can calm the part of you that is so upset by thinking through it rationally and being compassionate towards yourself.

I have a score of 7, and couldn't imagine a 10 (that's the highest score)

Same here, I had to pause the video and look it up. 😟 So sad to hear he’s a 10

Me too I had to ask as well

@@furryplantsandcoins9070 It's "Look it Up" time!

I just took it, I have a 9, the only thing I didn’t experience was not being fed, although my mom would constantly make remarks that I would be fat while I was eating, and o was always the dirty kid with lice in school. I don’t know if I’ve healed or not, sometimes yes , some days.. no 😢

I'm so sorry 🙏🏿 ❤️

Why did you need help?

@@show_me_your_kitties If you grow up with high ACE score your whole house is built on sand. Life is always a LEVEL 10 challenge. IF you have to ask you don't know.

So sorry this happened to you.

There are a lot of good options out there. I made good progress with TIR therapy (Traumatic Incident reduction) but we had to go back over this one incident at a time and discuss their emotional charge