I’m 22 and Everything Makes Me Angry 

I know exactly what’s going on. The caller is experiencing a lot of disappointment because he worked really hard and things didn’t go as planned. He feels reluctant to put effort into anything else in case that also doesn’t work out. That is due to fear of feeling disappointed.

Dude, I’m not spiritual or anything but I read the title and saw the thumbnail and it spoke to me. The video opened with “hey Justin wassup man” that’s my name. I need a minute to lay down.

I can really relate to this call. 24 and just angry with no purpose. It really helps to be able to listen to this conversation.

Anxiety often comes when we feel like we have no control in our life, and we can then become overly controlling. When that doesn't work out, we become frustrated and even more angry. It's a cycle that needs to be broken. Find something in which you can have near complete control. Many people turn to building models, or miniatures of something- creating a world in which you have total control. Really, any creative expression can help.

Really appreciate this call. Didn’t play baseball, but can definitely relate to something being an identity for so long, to no longer being it.

We all drift away from who we used to be. His is just more clear. Hopefully he can find the next chapter in his life and not hold on to the past.

This is a great show. I had the same story when I was 22 as well I made a huge mistake, and I was living in California, I moved to Texas and for the past 3 years I’ve been living in Dallas TX, I started working at a coffee shop and coaching CrossFit, met my wife, and now I’m moving back to California with a healthy and whole heart and a woman I can partner with in life! I’m 25 now, and can testify to this! You’ve got to do radical stuff to make changes in your life!

For me the older I got and convinced myself to care less and be less engaged on many things that doesn't really matter in the end, the happier and mellow I am as a person. I smile and laugh more (even at work) and sleep so much better. Getting older and finally wiser I guess...

This reminds me of what I went through when i left the military at 24. These transitions cause depression.

I have chapters of my life that felt like entire lifetimes. Most from childhood were sad and fearful, so I was THRILLED when life got "good" at a point in my 20s. Life happened, and before you know it... you BLINK, and a new chapter has started... The anger came when I realized I couldn't go back. I couldn't travel back to the day before my mom died, or back to the day before I was hit by a red light runner, etc. It's especially hard when you go from a chapter that's beautiful and happy to one that's sad or scary or disappointing. I'm in a neutral time of my life, packed with lessons, and I'm trying to remind myself to be grateful for this time now and what it has to offer. Wishing anyone who sees this message lots of peace and self compassion.

Being the mother of a son who hates me or acts like he hates me, I got some comfort from this guy's call. I understand that you need something to connect over. My son and I, we used to connect over him being a kid, stories, fun, there just doesn't seem to be any thing obvious to connect over as an adult, even though we're both into fitness.

Thank you so much for providing real advice for men. This is so hard to find. Thank you.

Man, I relate to this so much. When I quit playing ball at 17, finding your identity is hard. You feel all this anger and resentment at yourself. Thank God for the Air Force, it gave me belonging again.

Iyanla Vanzant teaches that underneath rage is pain and/or fear. In the context of the caller, this so rings true: He feels like he's lost his life's dream and identity, his team, disappointed his parents; that's gonna hurt, no question. Not knowing what's next and feeling stuck and being frustrated about living with his in-laws... I totally get why he gets pissed off at everything and everyone. I feel that!

Jennifer Melphi on the Sopranos said “ anger is depression turned backwards “. I thought that was the perfect analogy. Something to think about

I also found rage and resentment in letting go of my childhood dream of playing baseball. You’re forced to find a new identity all over. Be strong

I am not literally this guy but I am in a very similar situation. I’m about to ship off to get my Master’s. I spent all my time in college working and studying. Never partied, drank, etc. I have made no friends, no deeper connections. Nothing. I work, study, work, and eventually I will die. It feels like that is all there is left to life.

He's 22, the 20's are tough. Everyone thinks you are having a blast, and it is fun to be young and adventurous, but it is also a time of great uncertainty, your personhood is not fully formed. Everyone acknowledges how difficult the teen years are, but they don't automatically end when you turn 20, personal struggles bleed into the next decade for awhile. If you don't have goals it makes it harder, you can drift aimlessly and sometimes get completely lost. I didn't get right with myself until I was 29.

Cutting out pornography completely helped with my anger.

Rudolf Steiner (German pedagogue from the beginning of last century) said that anger is composed of misaligned creative energy and misdirected willpower. Always found that a fascinating idea, and it comes up again hearing this young man talking about his stuckness. I hope he finds himself a new tribe and a new adventure (or the other way around) ❤

I have an ex boyfriend who left hockey. He had a full ride to Boston University and didn’t end up going pro. He plays in adult leagues and referees children’s games. That is his way to stay in the game. My ex boyfriend works in a field that has nothing to do with hockey and sports. He is a store manager who is looking to become a regional manager. Monterey is a beautiful place to live. Before you move to Texas, look up their property taxes. The government has to make its money somehow when it doesn’t have an income tax. With firefighting you are serving your community. It’s a great place to land even if you don’t feel passionately about firefighting like you do about baseball. There might not be another career about which you feel that passionate. Does my ex boyfriend feel passionately about store management or any of the other jobs that he’s had since hockey? No. He doesn’t mind the career and he has a full life outside of store management. Kind of like everyone else who goes to work and didn’t find their zen through their career. Maybe find a therapist who helps athletes transition to life after sports.

I’d also encourage anyone who is having these feelings of anger and rage to look at a couple other things as well. The first one is simple and it’s tracking what time of day you’re seeing these issues the most. Are you hungry? A lot of people have blood sugar issues and their moods change drastically when they haven’t had anything to eat in a while. Getting hangry isn’t always noticeable by you and it can feel a lot like everyone and everything around you is driving you crazy. After lunch, this calms a bit. So look into that and bring it up next doctors appointment. Similarly, lack of sleep can make you very irritable. So definitely look at these diet and lifestyle factors that could be contributing to those feelings. Next, it could be spiritual. Look at your life, your vices, what you are prioritizing, etc. If you’re drinking to the point of getting drunk, engaging in bad habits, not giving thanks, looking out only for yourself and not others…that can rot your soul and cause you to be prideful and angry. Practice kindness and charity. Fight the selfishness. Do for others-expecting no praise. Offer up your suffering for past misdeeds. We are body and soul. When we are angry, it’s because something is misaligned.

I'm in the same boat, I just graduated college and have been so frustrated that I haven't been able to land a Job in my career field and I currently hate one of the jobs im working at now, but I just started going training to be a professional wrestler to try to help relieve some of that anger and bitterness.

He's so young; he doesn't have to conquer the world before he is 25. There are so many places to go and things to do and perhaps he should just enjoy some of it.

This was a good call because the caller gave concise information and had good insight even though he wasn't sure why he felt the way he feels.

I was 16 and had redone my room, top to bottom, painted, tore up the carpet and laid down tile. Did it all. Got to live in it for 6 months, had to go live with my grandma for reasons, and then the house was sold a few months later. That was ten years ago. It’s done irreparable damage to my reward drive and I find it difficult to do anything that requires a moderate amount of effort because it feels like it won’t be worth it. Or that I won’t be there to even get the reward for my effort and it’s still an ever present worry

Thank you Justine and John for this call, it helped me 🙏🏻

Delony nailed this one. I have direct experiences in this dude's whole story. He sounds like a stud. Move to Texas, get a job anywhere to start. Settle in and plan your future. You need a change of scenery. I have a feeling my man will be ridiculously successful in life once he's able to move on.

Gosh Dr. D you’re so incredible. I smiled through this so big because the passion you have for sports came through big time. The way this man called in and needed to hear exactly what you said is just magical. A lot of young man can benefit from this page.

I know this story bc I lived it as well. Overbearing dad who had a terrible temper and full of anger and you live with that and it turns into your own anger. You play baseball and love it and then it’s gone. Jesus was looking for me and I didn’t even realize it and He is what I needed. He took away the anger and gave me a new identity. Instead of anger it’s calm. Instead of love for things of the world it’s love of God and the things of God and Gods people. Focus on Christ. Go to church, talk to that friend or family member

I was this kid on my early 30s except I was depressive and not angry. I got fed up and moved halfway across the country with no plan. 2 years later I'm making great money, good job in a field I never would have thought I'd be in what so ever. Feels so good to just make progress.

This used to be me (non baseball) I went to therapy with the attitude (nothings wrong with me but I’ll try it) and it opened the flood gates. I realized I had traumas/ deep wounds from my childhood I had been suppressing with the business of life. I was angry ALL THE TIME. I too couldn’t control it. 2 years later I’m not perfect, but man do I have more peace now that I’ve worked through those things. Praying for you Justin, I’ve been there. Put in the work, go to therapy, love yourself enough to do the healing work and you’ll be a better man for it

A buddy of mine played division one football and played in a huge bowl game. He played against guys now famous that you would know the names and he was a rock star heading to the NFL. Until, he blew his knee out at the end of his junior year. Today he's the best Dad ever with a beautiful family and a very successful leader in business. Being great in sports can be evil or an incredible gift. My buddy is humble and not bitter. It will destroy you if you let it but it's also your secret weapon because you understand teamwork, getting the job done and what brings on success while knowing how fortunate you were to get there in the first place. And, most importantly it's just a game. John was the right guy to call because he inspired the caller to just get out there and be himself and experience life. He's a sharp young guy that will do very well if he choses. And, John knows baseball so even better. Nothing is going to break. Wishing this guy all the best.

It's hormones, I was the same way at 22. 32 now and have a better temperament and can control my emotions better.

Mediation helped me with anger , it mentally rides you of baggage , you learn about the nature of the mind and can start to relax

FEELS! So much pressure when it feels like you always have to prove something just to stay stable in any relationship I'm 22 and boy it has been definitely a triggering thing until I decided to just pace myself and trust that I am loved regardless even if it seems delusional to your own self within your reality. Sending prayers to everyone ✌️🙏

I would do anything to live in Monterey CA. Don't give up that peace. I'm 31, dropped out of college with a semester left. Don't let the pressure get to you. I make 6 figures now doing exactly what I was going to school for. It GETS BETTER.

That is the transition of any life altering experience.

I applaud this young man for calling in. I really admire someone when they can talk about their true problems. I wish him all the best. ❤❤❤❤Don't give up. ❤❤❤❤

This was brilliant!!!

Monterey is the most beautiful city right on the Ocean. Not a small town with nothing going on. I live in Santa Cruz Learn to surf, help at the Aquarium, go on boats to help count the fish 🐟 So so so much to do here.

Brilliant ❤❤❤ fantastic ep…really spoke to me, good luck Justin - home run!❤

My ex was like this he was unlivivable and everything we did set him off, then it turned physical on me and the kids. He still is like this and his life is a mess now. Get help asap please!

love hearing about a family getting closer

Prayer and meditation helps a lot friend. Find the answer to why you're so angry. Exercise too. If you're _Mad at Dad_ and can't stand religion, try reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius.

yup. can totally relate. I felt this way after my college ball career ended. I immediately felt isolated and so lost, so I got into coaching. Not sure what I'll do after that, though.

God knew I needed this episode

Wasn’t a D1 athlete like this guy but I was a very competitive athlete all through HS. Being a ball player was a massive part of my identity and when I gave it up after enjoying the initial freedom of just being a regular college student I started to feel a pretty big void in my life. It’s a very difficult transition when a sport has been your highest priority and then it’s suddenly over. You feel very lost. What this guy is struggling with is normal for someone in his shoes. He’s going to be fine. He also seems pretty smart and articulate for a 22 year old. He just needs to find his next path in life. He’ll probably find a lot of success in whatever he does.

Eyyy another Monterey person. I find that I've moved to anger quicker when things feel out of control. It's an attempt to try to control and hold on to whatever I can. For some reason when I was younger my first go to negative emotion was anger even if I was sad. Emotions weren't really embraced too much in my household when I was growing up. Maybe you are going through something similar? When I started to identify what I was really feeling and rechanneled the energy into the correct feeling the anger actually went away for me over time. But it definitely took a minute because the other emotions were harder for me and felt really uncomfortable and vulnerable.

It's hard not to be angry in your 20s nowadays. The economic has been on the downturn for a decade now, housing is overpriced, inflation through the roof, companies require years of experience for entry level roles

I’m full of rage . 21 here

He sounds deppressed Anger is a sign of depprresion

A big life transition and extreme disappointment happening simultaneously at his age feels like the end of the world. I felt like that as a teen mom at 18 but actually I love my life! I’m not even 40 and my kid is going to college already lol 😝 it’ll get better with life experience and seeing more than what’s in front of you at your worst. I’m rooting for you!

The answer is in the title of the video, Justin san. You're 22. Keep going. Always keep going.

He sounds like such a nice young man. Post college is a tough time. Big shift. Didn’t like that time at all. Hope he finds his happiness. He deserves it!

I feel the same rage and i wish i was your age. I watched my husband of 30 years die and i still get trigged fast...PTSD

I hope this young man can make this transition. He sounds smart, insightful and wants to conquer this. Our world needs real men these days! Best of luck finding a way forward with new friendships and work life.

Same here at 46. This seething rage just below the surface I'll be fine going good and one little thing will just throw me into a rage. Been that way since I was a kid. Don't know where it comes from.

You forgot to bring up health issues that could be a cause of anger and anxiety. The first thing I would suggest is a full medical check up. Iron, thyroid, hormones, blood sugar,vitamin d , sleep, caffeine such as red bulls, coffee, soft drinks.

@Justin I can empathise with this completely. I'm a 36 year old Englishman, who's about to have his first child, and I've decided to leave the Computer Games industry as it's chronically underpaid and overworked. I spent my adult life chasing that dream, joining the industry, and working in it for 8 years...only to realise it was naive and selfish of me. I'm changing careers and ever since deciding to do so, my frustration and anger has increased rapidly - much to the concern of my wonderful wife. We feel as though we've wasted time, or become a failure; but we're only going to be a failure if we don't realise this change is necessary, and move on from it. We're dealing with the perception of instability and a lack of forward movement, I believe; and once we pick the momentum up and start making progress in our new direction, I think we'll feel far better.

I understand this young man. My frustration turned to rage after realizing life was not actually going to get better (which had been the hope that carried me along) but, quite the contrary, it just keeps getting worse, decade after decade. The realization that life has no value and God doesn't care, broke me for a long time. I genuinely do not understand how everyone isn't full of rage.

No clue if this is applicable for this guy, but LONG TERM alcohol abstinence & sobriety helps overall outlook and mood. Short term it don’t feel like it and at 22 he may be feeling this way not realizing the relationship. Also, growing into adulthood is challenging. Good for him for recognizing and wanting to address before it develops into a bigger problem.

Why did you make this video for me? Too close to home.

I feel the same kinda, I played baseball n feel lik I lost my identity when it ended n have also had severe anxiety my entire life

aw..i could cry 😢

I hear some self sabotage. He was playing ball got into a toxic relationship and was drinking a lot. Everything went south and he quit playing ball.

Yes ,we all have that cz we didn't find anything that make us happy ,find something that for you ,you will care less about other

So glad he decided this before kids and a mortgage. It becomes tougher the more you stack on

I’m 47 years old, I’ve worked 2-full time jobs all my life. I manage to own a piece of the American dream in 2021. I find myself frustrated all the time. I anticipate all the cost of owning especially with property tax, insurance, maintenance. I’m exhausted, frustrated all the time, and I feel like my future will stay the same if I don’t make drastic changes. Therefore, I’m putting my house up for sale. Thank God the market where I’m at is still strong and I have equity. This is the only way I can find rest. ❤😊

Achievements and dreams not being met, having to keep parts of your true self secret from the world and your family so you aren’t judged and rejected(sexuality etc) , poor romantic success, people abandoning you over the years etc……all this can fill a young man especially with rage.

So glad I remarried a man who had done his body work in therapy. It’s an emotionally honest relationship as a result. Men expressing disappointment, sadness and other feelings of loss and rejection as anger is socially acceptable. Truly appreciate Dr.Delony keeping his male callers honest. There’s such a ripple effect throughout all their relationships.

Man...kind of envious of this kid. He's me down to a t, but I would just dissociate throughout my 20s dealing with a lack of a life and a hard profession...until someone close to me had a near life ending experience and I got involved in their mental health care. I started working on me and then lockdowns happened months later for two years...so now I am in my 30s and in this same place again. He's got an extra decade, keep going kid, you got this..try something big for 2 years. If it doesn't work, try something new again for 2 years. You don't need to figure it out by 25. Some stability by 28 is a good goal, whether great friends or marriage, a career, or financial freedom of some sort.. give yourself time to try things and gain momentum in different aspects of life.

What he is feeling is frustration...of things not going the way he invision in his mind...and as a result of he not coming into terms with his own frustration...is what is causing his anger or more so... he being irritable often or more than normal.

A perfect candidate to hear and digest Jordan Peterson’s lectures.

I wish he said more then yeah this was a great call

I have a short temper too mainly with strangers like road rage and out in the public. That's why I avoid being around people.

"If men cannot struggle on behalf of a just cause they will struggle for the sake of struggle.They will struggle, in other words out of a certain boredom: for they cannot imagine living in a world without struggle." -Francis Fukuyama

I feel like this, but I was diagnosed with bpd

Keep tabs on your thoughts when you get frustrated or angry and follow trains/sequences of thoughts to a source. This is a process. If the source is a thoughtof a person or people, try to figure out the sequence of their thoughts. Prepare yourself, if you can add something positive that's great, if not, limit your time with some people or avoid them. Remember, a bowling ball doesn't have to hit every pin to knock them all down. If your train/sequence brings you to cigarette smoke or something like that, stay away from it.

same, but 10 years further down the road

I cried

So you're looking at the presenting issue, and then asking about the root of anger. He had hope and expectations for a future that builds an identity he can walk into. But the job, or career could never be the identifier for who he is. Anger started as a child, he said, so he seemed to be saying he senses he was not enough to hold his father's attention and mom had her own way of displaying emotions where dad did not. Anger and depression are what are familiar to him. He could learn to develop a range of emotions.

I get angry because people piss me off. If they would stop, I wouldn’t get angry. The older I get, the better I’m able to use it creatively.

I swear the caller is reading my profile. How are we in the exact same scenarios?

This is so me lately lol idk if it's prejudice or anxiety at times but ill be praying bc the Holy Spirit changes things

Someday you will be out somewhere and someone will come up and wrap you in a big hug and yell "this is the man that saved my grandpas life!!!!". And you won't remember who that patient was because there have been soooo many. Happened to me, I guarantee it will happen to you.

David Googins comes to mind

If you know your parents love you and your just trying to deal with some stuff first thing is do whatever you gotta do to have a relationship with your parents and loved ones. One day you’ll wake up and they aren’t there anymore and you lost that chance and then you have one more huge thing your trying to deal with.I’ve lost two brothers, both parents three friends and one cousin in the last five years and it sucks. You don’t get a chance to redo your last words to those you love and the bad thing is you never know when your last words to anyone will be..

It’s called depression. In our society anger is the only socially acceptable emotion for men to express. He needs to talk with a counselor, have a good cry and develop a support system outside of sports.

Someone I know was angry all the time like this. She went to the doctor and was diagnosed with diabetes, at like 18. Once she began taking insulin, she felt a lot better and wasn’t angry all the time. Maybe you should get a blood test and look for a medical reason for your anger before getting all psychoanalytical.

Fire depts are struggling to hire nationwide. He could move to almost anywhere and get on one, if he’s interested.

i am 24 and same. I get mad at my bf or mom for no reason

When he said he's "living with his aunt and uncle in Monterey", who else heard "Bel Air" 😆

A good gym and a good Jesus following church would also do this young man a world of good.

I personally gave up on life 15 and a half yrs ago

I live in central coast California if u want to be friends Justin 😊

This is a complete reprogramming of ones body, soul- all the way from a cellular, physical, emotional, spiritual, and hierarchical level.

All your life you work hard on a plan, and then it just fizzles. It's disorienting until you find your next passion. The small town is not the place to be right now for you. You might enjoy the EMT gig in another place if you try it, but if not try something else.

21 and same

Part and parcel of maturing, as you realize life is not a piece of cake and you are not going to get most of what yoy want. This guy must learn that he is entitled to his feelings and they may be valid, but he is not entitled to take his anger and disappointment out on anyone else. He needs to find other ways of coping..