How Do I Tell My Mom She Can't Afford To Live Where She Does? 

Touche!

😂

So true and so sad.

You should take care of your parents but they have to let you. If you tell them you can’t afford this and you don’t have money to just give to them they can decide what they want to do

Moms said she would work a second job

Precisely.

And then fund her retirement

@@ghostbird92 lol y’all crazy! I’m sure the daughter ain’t well off to do any of the stuff y’all mentioning

@@reese85 it doesn't matter, the parent will still expect help as long as you're employed. What's yours is theirs and what's theirs is theirs.

This is beautiful and I agree. We four adult kids showered our Mom with financial help when she became elderly. Could she and our stepdad have planned better? Of course, but Mom always dealt with a generous hand and it was our privilege to help her when her husband passed away. She’s been gone a year now, I miss her every day, but I live with absolutely no regrets.

I'm glad it worked out :)

AMEN! Babies raising their parents...

I needed to hear this. My mom lives in a house that's falling apart won't save for retirement and keeps loading it full of junk.

Yes

It's to save themselves from future hassle. Who wants to see their parent homeless. It could come to this.

Obviously the daughter can’t do that, cuz she would foot them extra $400 a month!

Not only that! The mom says she would work a 2nd job

Correct. Believe peoples action before their words. Many cultures have multi generation households.

The mom will be living with her

@@richardedwardpay Sponging off of your kids is inexcusable no matter what "culture" you come from.

Did you listen to the vid, cuz the mom never asked for help and said she would work a 2nd job

Your comprehension level is awful.

Caller is probloby worried the mother's problem will ultimately become her problem. Parents problems tend to become older children's responsibility.

@@stevenporter863 you are so right. The mother will be living with her in no time. And if her health is failing, she will be living with her permanently. This is what happens to people with low incomes.

@@soleilwhitton6397 so is the answer then for this young daughter to simply let her poor elderly mother die???

I would guess this is an African family so the child is always going to help mom.

@@soleilwhitton6397 That can happen on any income but low income families that produce a multiple generations of low income people tend to have income issues forever!!! I don't make much money myself but I make more than I spend every year so I am lucky enough to always have options but for many others they are even or short constantly.

No should he

@@666dynomax While parents like these may not like having the conversation, is the answer for this young daughter to just let her elderly mother simply die???

Caller doesn't want it to ultimately become her problem. Parents problems tend to become older children's responsibility.

@@stevenporter863 So is the answer for this young daughter to just let her elderly mother simply die???

This is the winter that is coming. All these entitled women were told by feminism they don't need a man but the math just doesn't work. Watching the homeless rate of women skyrocket as we speak.

@@thearmy88ify yup. RIP Kevin Samuels. But all of these women who got support every step of the way financially on behalf of their kids, that well dries up once the kids are adults. Now you’re a 54 year old woman who works a job that makes around $15/hour and is designed for 18 year olds to do while going to school for a real nursing degree. And imagine dating Akosua. Her mother will be ever present in your life, and you can totally expect some of your family finances to go towards keeping her alive if you married her. Result? Men aren’t going to deal with Akosua. This is what this woman is doing to this poor girl. Only about half of single moms are employed all year long, and like 29% of them didn’t have a job at all. Sound like these women are doing their best for their kids?

@@hornetguy9063 That’s a good point; CNA is for nursing students to have a paying job in the hospital environment instead of waiting tables or doing something else that is unrelated and doesn’t help them increase the relevant skills and knowledge. It wasn’t meant as a lifetime job for a permanent underclass, many of whom are low-intelligence or just unmotivated, and don’t learn and improve to benefit patients.

💯 facts

Lol doesn’t sound like the mom ask the daughter for any help!

for real. My grandmother's heart was completely blocked. They had to take her to a cardiac specialist when she had her heart attack. The doctor was shocked she even made it. When she got out of the hospital what was the first thing the entire family did? THEY WENT AND GOT CHILI CHEESE DOGS at her request! She received a second chance at life and she still smokes and eats a diet founded upon excess salt and continues to smoke. You can't care more about people than they care about themselves. She's since been diagnosed with diabetes, and I look like the bad guy because I didn't faint and fawn over the diagnosis. WHO DIDN'T SEE THAT COMING?! She drinks more chick-fil-a lemonade than she drinks water. She's an adult, but I think there are some people who never learn due to stubbornness and pride.

@@joyhope9486 Wow! I am sorry. This is so hard to watch. I know someone similar.

@@sandrab.3538 may they both have their eyes opened so they can see the light before it's too late. Im sorry you can relate.

@@joyhope9486 Happens more often than people think. That and people who just refuse to manage other chronic illnesses like T2 diabetes.

People are free to do what they are going to do. Chili Cheese Dogs? Yep. Smoking? Yep. And it can be maddening, but no one wants their kids or grandkids to start with the lectures. I wouldn't want anyone telling me what to do, either--let's be honest. I try to focus on my own diet and exercise and health.

Feelings are the problem. Dave gave the facts. Mom ain't changing.

For sure we do...!

My Mom often picked up extra jobs, while full employed when things got tough when my Dad broke his ankle and leg in an accident. Or when the oil field had lay offs. He always went back to work asap but she didn't let up for bit, wanting to save. Later, Dad passed. But she still provided for herself and my oldest brother. He wouldn't launch. 🤬 Mom hasn't asked me or my other brother for money, but she asks for help for fixing things around the house. I get the responsibility, I would never feel comfortable with my mom doing without.

Drop your drama OMG. Excuses excuses. No two people are the same that is your drama.

@@wadesuhr EGGGGGGGGG zackly!!!!!!!!!!!

Play it for her.

Me too. My mom is the same.

@@nleem3361 So is the answer then for this young daughter to just let her elderly mother simply die???

Same here.

Yup. I love how people seem to get off on bashing the "Individualist" culture of America, but then this is perfectly ok. How can daughter pursue her own goals if she has to play parent to her irresponsible mother? What man is going to marry her, seeing what a liability his potential MIL is?

@@Austenfan177 or maybe she just wanted to take care her kids

@@reese85 that is not the right way to take care of her kids

@@unfairsanic5089 working multiple jobs, why not?

@@reese85 because lowering expenses and increasing income so that you can spend time with your kids is obviously better, yet it doesn't sound like she did that

@@d_all_in doesn’t matter how much you lower your expenses, if you don’t have income to support you and your kids!

I was surprised he didn't pounce on that being an unrealistic goal (home ownership) based on the $ figures presented.

Yes - priority should be saving. Her expenses will be even higher with a house.

... in Florida no less! That door is closed until we get another 2008 style crash

To many other things to pounce on I guess.

I know you wrote it meaning it's all ok. But it's sad yet. I'm sorry.

In philippines we call them one day millionaires

Her daughter is the fully funded retirement plan. All she needs is some guilt trips to cash it out.

@@pauljinadu how you kno the daughter is in a better position, cuz she talks a good one?

She can't. She's a CNA who wants to live like she's an RN. That's not how it works.

She never said she pays her bills! She said she reminds her to pay them on time

@@reese85 exactly, let her mom remember to pay on time without the daughter telling her

@@nancygamez7087 that’s not a big deal! It’s hard for me to keep track if all the ish I gotta pay for

@@reese85 depending on others to remind you to pay your bills is a very bad move. What are you going say to the people you owe? “ oh I’m sorry so and so didn’t remind me to pay my bills”

@@ykciR lol it’s not a bad move and if you owe someone money! They would remind you

Exactly. When the dust settles it may wind up on her plate to deal with.

Yeah it becomes difficult (err _more_ difficult) when the parent becomes unable to care for themselves, and is solely reliant on Medicare and SS benefits, which limits assisted living and nursing home options.

Actually looked it up. Akosua is a girl's name that originates from the Akan people from Ghana. So either her mom is Ghanian, or she's one of those people who gave her daughter a name from "the old country" even though they've no cultural similarity to West Africa anymore. In a way it's cultural, but I don't think it boils down to where they are from. I think it's the single mom culture of getting passive income streams via children. Baby daddies aren't on the hook anymore, so she probably just assumes that the kids will pay her way from now on.

I think she's black. African name.

Exactly what I was thinking. Surprised Dave didn't catch onto that.

I see a bunch of comments saying retirement plan, but if that’s the case! Why is the mom willing to go out and get a 2nd job bs moving in with daughter or having her help with the extra rent money?

Well if the mom believes her daughter is her retirement plan, was the mom HER mom’s retirement plan? Or did that “tradition” just begin now?

Don't let her move in. If mom screws up, it's on her.

@@jimroscovius Easier said than done.

@@rachelharrison7961 Move and don't leave a forwarding address.

Exactly. Mom always counted in daughter being her retirement plan. So obvious. Notorious of single mothers

@@rachelharrison7961 Not if she tells her mom NOW that she won't be doing it. My parents are 94 and 90, living on their own in a nice duplex 370 miles away. My Mom has said, when Dad goes, she will stay where she's at until she has to go into assisted living. She will not move in with any of us three kids, although she'd like to visit. She may move closer to us, but not in with us. Our home is not conducive to walkers, etc.

The kids who are raised by these types of people have to grow up fast and learn how to take care of themselves, then it gets transfered to the parent as they become teenagers and young adults. It's a pretty co-dependent and not particularly healthy relationship as the roles get very confused. I've seen this a lot in families where the parent is an alcoholic.

LOVE fried balogna -- or, as we say, "fried baloney".

@@LG123ABC I love it too.

Yep!

I think Dave gets at that well. The daughter taking a hard line saying that she will not give her mom money to fund her lifestyle decisions would serve as a wakeup call. Some people respond to logic, but far more respond to fear.

These single moms will absolutely ruin the life of their own children in order to preserve their own life. Does this girl dream of marriage and kids? Too bad. Mommy dearest is your marriage and your kids, wrapped up in a single package.

Congrats

That’s what I was thinking, also not a penny saved for retirement.🤷🏻‍♂️

Me too i dont understand why i see most people getting a 2nd or 3rd job just to get all those bells amd whissles and keeping up with the joneses is beyond me

@@unfairsanic5089 I remember seeing a meme where a woman expresses disbelief that a man can be happy with nothing but a bare mattress, a gaming chair and video game setup, and TV in a studio apartment. Yup! If a man had $30k a year to live off for the rest of his life, he could probably figure out an arrangement to make it work for him.

@@hornetguy9063 no! I would go out and get another job, smh! Y’all crazy

@@reese85 you’re really not that bright, are you? Okay. Enjoy debt slavery.

Not a chance! SO many people with way better incomes are having trouble affording these overpriced homes.

Maybe the daughter should live in another state so it’s not so convenient for mom to move in with her.

I wonder if living together would be an option for them??

Just say no

@BLK - No, no, no! This daughter is 26 years old! She has her own future marriage and family to think of. Why should a mother who can’t even be responsible enough to pay her own bills on time be allowed to move in with the daughter?

She's refusing to move to a less expensive apartment because she's too picky. She makes $2,400 a month, and her current rent is $2,600. Her daughter's been paying for her groceries, phone bills, gas, car tuneups, internet, etc.

She doesn't allow mom to move in. Mom needs to be working jobs.

The mom probably has the mentality that my daughter will take care of me when I am old since I took care of her when she was little. And when the daughter can't support her in her old age, the mom may put the guilt trip on her. The selfishness of some parents is sad. They put that burden on their kids. The kids, when they become adults and start a family would have to take care of the elderly parent AND their own children.

@@johnhwang339 That's why the daughter has to tell her mom NOW that she won't do it. That would be enabling and she loves her too much to do that.

@@johnhwang339 Yeah, the mentality that you never get a family and life for yourself because you have to take care of mommy. Going to see a lot of this as child support dries up for the plethora of single moms out there.

@@johnhwang339 if this it true! Why did the mom say, she would work a 2nd job to cover the extra rent?

@KStar - That’s it. Daughter needs to immediately stop helping mom make sure bills are paid on time. Time for mom to do it herself or see what a late fee looks like. Might be what mom needs to realize SHE’s responsible for her finances. I was surprised Dave didn’t ask if mom could do some type of work at home job that wound be less physically taxing on the body. But again, she said her mom wasn’t tech savvy . . .

Exactly. She's going to ask to live with her and that will be the end of her personal life.

@@wealthandlegacy Had that with an ex-gf. Never again am I going to date a woman with a dependent single mother. In many ways it's worse than a single mom, because at least with the SM it's authority with responsibility. Daughter-husbands like that are authority-less but with all of the responsibility, they're basically slaves to their parent.

How does your mom abandon you at 24? When she was 24 or you? This paragraph is not in sync.

@@insideoutsideupsidedown2218 if my mom is 24 how can I type on a computer and use vocabulary come on

@@insideoutsideupsidedown2218 they are trying to clarify if you were 24 when mom moved to FL or your mom was (past tense) 24 when she abandoned you as a kid? If it’s the former she didn’t abandon you because you were an adult.

Almost forgot about Dr. John Delony his coworker. She should have her mom talk to Dr. Delony about what is going on!