Family Keeps Asking For Money and I Can't Say "No!" 

There’s a Spanish saying that translates to: “if you’re not embarrassed to ask me for money, I’m not embarrassed to say no.”

My parents died when I was 17 When i asked my so-called "family" to let me stay with them and support me They said "That's not our problem, get your own money!" Yet they spoil their children Years later I got into financial services and received a substantial structured settlement from my parent's deaths They found out and tried to reel me back in I replied "That's not my problem, get your own money!"

I almost spit my food out my mouth when Dave said “she won’t loose weight when you don’t eat” lol

When you have broke family, you have to make them think your broke. Human psychology is so crazy, if they know you have a million and you give them 100 they will be insulted, but if they think your broke and you give them 100, they will be thankful.

“You promote what you permit.”

"If you have to buy your love. That's called prostitution." That hits home.

For those of us coming from families living paycheck to paycheck I find the following to be true: They will want your money and ask for it, resent you for being the one that has it, or like in my case both. Money does weird things to people you think you know, parents included.

My sister used to ask for money a lot. After a few times, I said I would give her the money on one condition, I help you set up a budget. I helped her and she has never asked since.

I completely understand her. It's hard to say no to family. It was so powerful when Dave said she was not morally or spiritually obligated. I felt that in my heart.

When my wife divorced me I called my rich brother and asked for $2000 to help get me an aprt. He said no. When I hanged up the phone I knew it was now sink or swim. Now I’m doing great. Him saying no was the best thing that ever happened to me

My sibling called me to ask for money once. I asked if they have sold a vehicle? No. Have you pawned or sold any of your belongings? No. Have you borrowed from your work 401k? No. Is it a health emergency? No. I politely declined. Never been asked again.

The people who really need and deserve help generally won't ask for it,the people who are inclined to ask for help boldly with confidence or even demand it generally don't deserve it

The difference between enabling versus helping: Helping is doing for others, which they CAN NOT do for themselves. Enabling is doing for others, which they SHOULD be doing for themselves. Make no mistake, enabling is abuse, and it harms everyone involved.

The word," No," has saved me from alot of debt, relationships with people and family too. You're not egotistical, mean, uncaring, arrogant or selfish for saying that word, you're just smart. Don't feel bad.

If family knows you have a huge heart and lots of empathy they work it….it feels horrible

“I set you free right now.” 😭 She needed to hear that.

I used to give money to my family when I had very little to give. They had zero gratitude and even resented me for not giving more. Told them to never call again when you want money. Haven't talked to them in over 20 years, it has been wonderful. I am wealthy now and they haven't changed.

You have to learn to say “NO”.

She probably told her family she paid off her debt. Keep that to yourself next time.

Let's see: Hunter and her husband are saving up to buy a house, but her sister buys a house she can't afford and then goes to Hunter to bail her out and Hunter bails her out. Hey, girl, you keep doing that, you're never going to get that house for yourself.

Never give money to family

I was 50 years old when I finally learned boundaries. Prior to that, I had no idea I was entitled to them. Looking back, this lesson has been one of the best in my life. This skill transferred to other areas of my life and I am so grateful.

When he said “I set you free” I felt a weight lift off my shoulders and I’m not even on the call 😮‍💨

This hits harder for poorer communities family's from poor neighborhoods when you're the person who makes it out the hood everyone has they're hand out and because y'all struggled together at some point it feels like you're required to give something

Don’t feel bad about them being broke because it’s not like they feel bad about themselves. If they felt bad enough they’d make better choices.

The best thing is to say "we don't have any money even for ourselves". If anyone keeps asking for money, start letting them know times are getting hard personally and that you have no money. NEVER talk about having money to people who you feel or know will ask for money.

You are a nice person like me and you have to put up boundaries. Sometimes also it's best to be discreet and the underdog. Do not tell your relatives how much money you make. They will use you up.

That "I set u free" is important. It's such an emotional relief.

My main problem is mother and sisters always wanting money from me. I’ve given my mother and sisters money to start a business and help themselves but they’re always doing something else with the business money and coming back to ask me for money. I am tired and done with them. 🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️🤦🏿‍♂️

I stopped giving out money to some people and now I don’t hear from them, oh well.

Keep on giving & they will keep on asking. It will never end. Kind of like feeding a stray cat.

What’s worse is when you feel guilty for spending a little money on yourself because your family thinks that they deserve a piece of what you’ve earned for yourself.

Just say something like my financial advisor has all our extra money tied up right now. Tell them you don’t have it.

*When is enough enough?* *The day they ask u for money 2nd time without returning the money they took from you the first time*

Here's two ways I've seen people go about it: -One is to pick an amount you're comfortable with losing. Give it to them and let them know, "Until you pay me back, don't come to me for help again." -Two is to ask them for their vehicle, keys, and title for collateral. I knew a guy who did that and THAT sent the solicitor running.

Dave is 100% right. It's never wrong to give money to family but as long as you, the provider, is able to, take the time to love and help your family.

The best example of the Filipino family 😂

I was in a similar situation. My mom and dad has always gave money to both of siblings. When my dad died my mom went through the money in no time keeping my sister and her kids up. One day my mom asked when somethimg happens to her to make sure my sister and kids got some money. I told her my sister and her kids are not my responsibilty and if you want them to have you leave it to them. Needless to say my mom got mad but has not mentioned anything about it again and it's been about 10 years ago.

Once upon a time, I was in the same boat and a wise person made a point that really resonated with me. If you pay that bill, you take away your brother’s ability to step up and take care of himself and feel that success. Ramsey is completely right - it’s like giving the drunk a drink. “You forgot your raising!” I have heard that so many times.

If they can have the audacity to ask, they can have the audacity to receive information to get better

PEOPLE will use you until NO end!..I was DOING the same thing with a couple of granddaughters that's grown, great jobs, etc...But I stopped it, they're all doing well once I stopped enabling them!.... Even I had to learn the hard way when I was younger!...

That’s entirely on you for letting people take advantage

The people with the "Family First"tattoo on their chest. Goodness people will rob you blind just because you're related to them. Not saying not to help people but give if you can give, don't ever feel obligated.

I wholeheartedly agree, and I thank Dave so much for saying this to all the enablers out there: "If you have to buy your relationships, that's called prostitution. It's not a real relationship." Also: "It's ok to say no, and you really, really need to."

This is my never ending issue . The sad part is when they ask you for a loan knowing they’re not going to pay you. I rather just give you the money .

I dont know why people have such a hard time saying "we don't have it. Sorry." Stop telling your toxic family how you are doing financially.

Set some boundaries. You have the right to say no to anyone

I just pretend I’m broke and no one asks me for money anymore. It works well. I don’t flaunt my money around either so they can’t say things like well you have a nice car or any of that stuff.

God bless Dave, for teaching us soooooo much besides financial knowledge, and for bringing Dr. Delony to the team. It's massive what they have done for me, especially when it comes to boundaries and family. So much gratitude for y'all ❤️

Don’t allow your emotions overpower your intelligence!

Don’t let your emotions make your decisions Good luck.

My friend is guilty of this. She has given them so much money to her brother and sister. They don't pay her back. But demand for her to help them out.

My sibling called me today, after not speaking to me for 10 years (she inherited everything from our parents when they died, because they were classic enablers). That is another long story that I won't go into right now. Today she contacted me and wants money supposedly to pay her property taxes. Otherwise she said she will lose her house. I checked on-line and, her property taxes are current. What the heck?

“You have absolutely zero moral or spiritual obligation to a sibling that’s misbehaving”. 😢 I felt so guilty for saying no to my sibling but this statement made me feel better.

Stop right now! Been here before! Don't bother offering advice, to do a budget with them, paying for FPU, stipulations, blah blah blah. Waste of time! Stop lending/giving them money right now! Do not discuss finances with them whatsoever! Don't tell them what you're doing with your money. Plead poverty! When they call and ask you for money tell them you have your own financial issues and can't help them. They know that you're their personal back up. STOP NOW as you're only harming yourself in the long run and they will never learn as long as you keep bailing them out.

I read where a guys uncle asked on their family group chat to borrow money as he was behind on his mortgage. This guy felt bad and called his uncle to get some info and was going to send him some money. His uncle laughed and said he only posted that so other family members wouldn’t ask HIM for money. Lol.

“I don’t support another persons lifestyle”. A good thing to just put out there....

Say NO, MY money is going to retirement.

My reply to my family has been......you don't get to good time on your money and be responsible with mine. Meaning: You don't get to party with your check and pay your bills with borrowed/given money from me.

I only had to borrow money once (for school) from my mom and she graciously lent it to me. I was hoping to keep my ROTH IRA but sadly I had to liquidate it to pay her.. just an unfortunate financial lesson to learn! Good lord I don't know how people can be THIS bad with money. You can't change THEIR spending habits.

I find it incredibly insulting that someone will take my money but not my advise and put it into action. Do.the.things.- this statement keeps my family from asking me for money. They know better.

I THINK IT THE LACK OF RESPECT THAT CAUSES FAMILY TO SEEK MONEY TO NO END

If you keep bailing them out then you are enabling them. If you love them, just say no.

Money is fungible. When you give someone like that $500, you enable them to waste their own money, then have the loss made up by you.

This is difficult and it hurts to say “no” to my parents who raised me and gave me an education. Now they are financially illiterate.

You're taking away from your own family. SAY NO!! because it will never stop If you don't.

It's a bit like "fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me". Once can be a real emergency and then interest-free family money is better than slavery-inducing bank money. But it better be a real life-threatening emergency. However when it keeps happening, it's the ruthless exploitation of the giver. The one making repeated demands considers themselves and their life to be more important and valuable than the giver and what the giver might use the money for in their own life. I experienced this both in the money and the work domains. People claimed a desperate situation to make me work for them and spend a lot of money trying to help them. When they misappropriated the money and I complained, they dropped me like a rock and started to defame me publicly. Never again. These days, I just tell such people how they can help themselves. Words are for free. Thank your enemies for making you wiser.

Dear caller, do not feel obligated to pay for your families poor financial decisions! I did this game with my parents (briefly) and decided to break this game up years ago. They are so broke and still play that manipulative game with all of my siblings and oldest child. Its a circus that I choose to not attend! I have been ostracized because I won’t enable this illness! Take care of your family’s finances. I told my Dad sorry but that my money has to go to my kids! Be strong and don’t enable them! Good advice Dave and Dr John!

I was in the similar situation. The best thing you can do for them now is to say NO. It will put them in the situation to find solutions. Sure, they will hate you but it might be a good thing for them, they will be forced to find solutions and maybe in one year are getting out from paycheck to paycheck situation

Her family is asking for her money, and she wonders if talking through a budget with them is overstepping 😵‍💫

It's funny I'm in the same situation and live in the same city! It's hard helping family who won't help themselves.

Wow. Same thing with my sister. Asks for money but doesn’t want to take my advice.

It's easy to say no. Especially to family ! Just because we're related doesn't mean I allow your dis-function to enter my life. Nope..

How would she feel if her husband were doing the same thing? Learn some boundaries and enrich your marriage.

I learned a lot. Love means helping your loved ones get independent, not dependent on anyone. Thanks！

Nothing changes if nothing changes!

"You are not morally or spiritually obligated; I set you free". 🙏 Thank you Dave. I felt those words in my bones.

They can't learn to walk on their own if you're always the crutch

I have had this problem with my in laws and extended family. Good advise I hope she has the backbone to stand up. If she puts a boundary up they are gonna go crazy. Stand firm. My wife and I had to and they went crazy on my wife who is pregnant! That’s how crazy these people are. Stand strong.

I never had money issues with family until my dad was in his last illness. A lawyer helped me say no. But I wish I had known about setting boundaries earlier. They felt they could drop in unannounced when I had a new baby and at other inconvenient times, and I didn’t know I could set boundaries. Actually, once I did try asking my mom to speak to her brother about it, but I don’t believe she ever did. This means she was more concerned about upsetting him than protecting me. I’m an old woman now, and this still makes me angry.

Interesting take on this topic. Doesn't really fly in those Asian countries well. It's practically mandatory you support family even if you break yourself

I lent my niece $100 but it came with a due date and an explanation of what she's going to do differently to not come up short next month.

This has been me for years. I’m finally seeing the light.

This happens in phillippines like 90%.of the employed individuals. Wherein the employed individual has to support the family and the remaining siblings.

The truth is simple never spend more than you have but we all know people that don’t want to do without it’s their problem. It’s funny though they look to people that save their money and pray on their mercy. It’s just bull.

I could hear the weigh lift off her shoulders when Dave told her that he sets her free from taking care of her sisters.

So instead of having a home herself she gives the money to others. Wow

Here’s how I interpret “family should help family!” Where is the person who’s using that crutch as a means to be a mooch going to be in my time of need? In most cases, they don’t know your name when you need something from them. I don’t lend or give money to anyone who refuses to take ownership of their own bad decision making. I feel no compulsion to enable someone’s irresponsible behavior.

I find it SO easy to say no.

I funded a retirement account for my younger brother and he literally does not care. He just wants the money now.

I live in Nashville and I was pulling into the parking lot of the McDonald's down on Broadway when a man approached my car and said he was hungry and asked for money for food. I told him I was heading into McD's to get a sandwich and I told him to just come in with me and get whatever he wanted and I would pay for it. He said that he had been eating a lot of McDonald's food and was sort of sick of it and he really just wanted the money so he could walk a few blocks up the street to an Arby's so he could get a roast beef sandwich. I told him I would not give him money and if he wanted food from Arby's he needed to go up the street and stand in front of Arby's and ask people up there to get something for him. Another time I was loading groceries in the trunk of my car and a lady approached me carrying a gas can. She asked if I could spare $5.00 so she could get enough gas to make it back to her home in Clarksville. I told her as soon as I got my groceries loaded I was driving right across the street to a gas station to get a fill up and I told her to bring her can over there and I would fill it for her. I drove across the street and filled my car and though I kept looking for her, she never showed up. She even had a PROP for her begging to make it more realistic but she absolutely did not want money for gasoline. I just refuse to give beggars money for food only to have them turn around and buy booze or drugs with it. I'm an old lady and I live on a fixed income (though thanks to Dave Ramsey, I'm debt free) and I am willing to buy someone food if they're hungry and I'm willing to buy someone gas if they need to get home but I am NOT willing to feed an addiction they have.

These type of discussions never get old, but the fact that we have to keep having these discussions is getting old 😂.

If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to disappear.

Imagine giving them money for the next 10-20 years instead of trying to teach them over the next 10-20 years. Either you’re going to be down with them or celebrating with them.

Move in silence…. They would still think we just as broke 😂

Family: can I borrow money? Me: I wish I could but I'm broke

I go to these videos to read the comments, of all the “please help me” horror stories from people and I’m never disappointed

Over stepping? It’s your money

My favorite response when saying no, "I don't have any money for that right now." I put that sentence on repeat every time they put the question on repeat.

I've never understood this concept of feeling obligated to get money from family members. And I do not feel any tolerance of it from others...