How Do We Forgive Our Son And Forgive His Debt? 

Never loan money you're not willing to let go of.

Age 26 with 5 children??? And no job? Lord have mercy

My stepdad has offered to loan me money several times, but I always say no because I’m afraid of not being able to pay him back.

The son can't pay back $3000 even though it's been years? He refuses to work? Unfortunately he's decided to be a freaking loser. How awful. How has fiancé decided to stay? Bizarre.

It pisses me off when people have parents _this_ caring and have zero appreciation for them. I WISH I'd had parents like this.

Lending money to family is like dating your coworker. When things go bad it goes BAD 😑

There is a lot more wrong with that relationship than the son not paying back $1500.

Number one thing I’ve learned about family and money, is try not to let them know you have money. I’ve learned to talk about the struggles more then your surplus.

The parents knew he was irresponsible and didn't work, YET they loaned him money. Don't give children what you cannot afford to lose. Give, don't loan your kids money. It ruins the relationship

I'm related to a 32-year-old child that is exactly like the person described in the phone call can I can tell you one thing. If it was possible to have a camera running the entire time, you would see numerous occasions throughout that child's life where he was continuously enabled my parents who were too cowardly to impose boundaries.

Silly idea to loan money to your child - just give the money or don't! Parents are not banks!

A parent should always assume any money is a gift. Never give more than you can.

As a stepmom my heart goes out to this lady. BUT, her husband must be the one to deal with his son. He needs to step up and man up, not her.

My dad told me a long time ago if you don’t give money to others with your heart meaning not expecting it back don’t do it. Especially in family.

Saying you "borrowed" something to someone meaning you loaned it to them is an annoying Minnesota thing. - Minnesotan.

Wow. I’m 24 and I’ve only asked my parents for financial help once because I was starting a new career and had no income (or emergency fund) to pay bills. I offered to pay them back and some and they said no. I don’t understand people that have no sense of dignity or honor. I couldn’t imagine being that disrespectful to my parents. They already fed me and put a roof over my head and raised me. If anything I wish I could gift them money.

That money is just a way to hold onto him and try to push him in the direction wanted. Dave is 100% right.

The son has actually done them a huge favor. For the small sum of $1,500 he has taught them that they can't trust him ever again. He could have scammed them for so much more, before revealing his true nature.. And I disagree with Ken, I think this guy is really lazy. I don't know, maybe his wife works and he looks after the kids in which case I take that back. But, it doesn't sound like that is the situation from the way the caller frames it.

There's a difference between loyalty, and enabling.

Dave displayed his profound wisdom on this call.

They are your family, but you are not their piggy bank. Thanks Dave, that was great advice. I like the "cut him loose".

Oh dear this is a tough situation. The money is gone. I agree with Dave that the dad needs to tell the son the loan is forgiven. That should remove the toxicity. I'm sure this couple has learned never to lend money again. This was spot on advice from Dave.

I love what Ken added at the end - parents internalize it and believe it's a reflection on them. My Stepdad is reserved for the most part and I could tell he was feeling that way about my stepbrother (his son). At times I would go out of my way to say, 'it's on him, you didn't do anything wrong.' I'm sure in his heart-of-hearts he knows, but it's hard to not take ownership of it, I'm sure.

Love hearing some Dave first thing Sunday morning?

Just because you are family doesn't make you trustworthy or reliable. Judge everyone on their own merit.

My husband and I each have grown children from previous marriage. We have been very clear that if you borrow money and don't pay it back, it becomes your inheritance. We haven't lent money in a very long time, and nor have they asked LOL.

Problem with not paying back debt is when u actually need help you’re in deep doo doo.

So they help bail him out of whatever issue he was in and now they’re the “bad guys”

I know some one that gave his money to family all his life and is now in a retirement village and only getting help from other members of family he didn't give money to and the ones who bled him dry arnt helping when money dried up, all I'm hearing is the dying whimpers of a big misunderstanding that has gone on for generations

Never, ever loan family members money. Never, ever.

Saying the 5 kids are all theirs, their oncome is probably 5 welfare checks, and regular rounds to all relatives with their hands out for money. She stated early in the conversation that he said it would be their fault that their grandkids would be kicked put of their home. These children have already been weaponized against the caller and her husband. Things are gonna get much more worse than they are now, I wish the caller and her husband the best, stay strong.

I don't recommend lending money to family. Either give it to them or don't. That's it.

Our son stole $4000 from us and hasn't contacted us in 2yrs how does that make a parent feel?

Today I learned: some English native speakers can't tell the difference between "loan" and "borrow" o_O

This is why her husband must learn to roar as Dave suggests. His son will see this forgiven loan amount as an opportunity to ask for more money that he will not pay back. Set boundaries and the both of you must stick to them. Good luck and God bless.

My eldest son doesn’t talk to us anymore because we declined being guarantors or lending him the deposit. He has not spoken to us since we told him that we wouldn’t be giving him any money. His behaviour towards us since has been infantile, he is 47 & he has squandered everything that he has ever earned. I feel no guilt about our decision

You got $1500! Congratulations. This son is toxic. Experience dictates it won’t get better however many hoops you jump through. Best favor you can do is stop letting him manipulate your feelings. Your husband is a grown man. Step back and let him deal with his son.

At 26 you are no longer responsible for him. If he and the kids get kicked out then by all means help out the grandkids, make sure they have a roof over their head and food to eat, but he dug this hole and it’s his to get out of.

Should gift each of the other adult kids $1500 in front of him. Then smile and say "well you already got yours" Its what my parents did when my brother behaved similar to this. Was hilarious.

"For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life." - John 3:16 KJV

You guys should make a clip of Dave taking about his first $1M after his bankruptcy, that was an insightful conversation

Love him where he's at... great saying Dave. Love this

$1500 is hardly any money - could easily pay $100 a month for 15 months. Unless their Netflix and RU-vid tv subscription is more important

He's not "lost". He quite possibly has a drug problem.

Girl for $1500, you got released from that “child”. That’s a nice sticker price. He’s such a loser, it must hurt but, at least when he asks for $30k…you can throw the $1500 at him. Easy out girl😀😎

We set a budget for birthdays and Christmas. If my kids need financial help and we give them a loan, we simply deduct it from their gift budget. It may take a couple years to pay back but it relieves them of the stress from the debt and we are eventually made whole. Thankfully, we haven't had to do this much but the kids that did need it were grateful and weren't upset when they got less than their siblings during the holidays.

In most cases when you lend people money you're actually not helping them. A second or third job for the son should help him make better financial decisions.

Why is that stepmother so hung up on $1500? The way she was talking, I thought it was a lot more money.

I can’t imagine demanding money from my parents at age 26. Dog is doing a parasite play through. What an awful example he’s setting for his kids.

I feel her pain. I have a stepson who is almost 40 with addiction problems who has been in and out of counseling for about 12 years. Refuses to work unless it's a job that pays 20$ an hour. Has 2 children whom he isn't supporting unless forced to by the court. Over the years we've had to help the grandkids with school supplies, clothes, and basic essentials. Their mother works but has a hard time paying for everything. My husband hands him over money whenever he asks for it. One year he gave him over 10,000$ for food, cigarettes, drinks, paying for a car, etc. My husband refuses to let him grow up and continues to enable him. My husband is on social security now and is dipping into his retirement to support him. When if ever will this stop😢

All this strife for $1500?

The only time I have ever taken money from my father was when I first got married 6 months later rent was due on the 5th but I wasn’t paid till the 8th. He gave me the money for the rent and I paid him back on the 8th.

One thing that always strengthens a family’s bond is lending money to family.

There’s no such thing as a loan between friends and family.

No business in family and friends, and no family and friends in business.

Even when they forgive the remainder of the loan, he'll still be angry at them for not paying for everything in his life. People who have absolutely no appreciation for other's love and generosity, rarely ever change. I feel so sorry for his 5 children.

Never let money get in between family relationships. Smh I loaned some money to a family member. I never got the money back but I charged it to the game. I prefer the relationship over the money

To borrow someone money is such a Midwest way of saying you lent someone money

After this call, she needs to stay out of it. She’s not the kid’s parent. I’m saying this as a stepmother myself. Step away and preserve her own peace of mind.

I'm having a hard time believing Barbara isn't adding to hubby's headache. REAL HARD TIME. Babs, if you want your marriage....seriously, tell the boy loan is forgiven then LET IT GO...and NEVER bring it back up.

I NEVER loan money w/o collateral, if they want to borrow 3000$ of cash I need something of theirs that’s worth 9000$. That way I can go to the nearest pawn shop and get my money back if they decide not to pay me.

Yup the money 💰 is a gift let it go💜✨️💜 be kind

Loaning money should be a VERY special circumstance even with family. Never loan what you can't lose and you sure as hell don't take out a loan for someone else. The "we're family" excuse doesn't fly. Yes, families should be able to help each other but you're not being "family" if you don't pay it back and you sure as hell never loan again if they give you guff about paying it back.

This is going to come down to the grandchildren. It's not that simple to just not help him anymore when you got little kids that will suffer.

Biggest lesson you can take from this is to never lend family money. I wish I had known that sooner!

Great stuff 👏 As a parent myself don't give more than what you could lose 👍

In my circle of friends, I see parents giving their children money all the time to advance their lifestyle. Never expecting it to be paid back. Different strokes for different folks.

I've always said, "Where's the change?". It's the principle.

Wisconsin here. I suspect I know them lol.

I love how everyone is now calling him “Papa Dave” on air. Lol 😂

It's a Minnesota thing. "Borrow me some money".

It's hard when you grandchildren are starving ..horrible situation..The son doesn't even work.

We are talking $1500. Not worth losing a relationship with your child over. Don't loan anymore money, but let this go.

When loaning money to friends or family take a moment and consider what is more important. Which one will you be OK never seeing again? Once you know that you know how to handle (or forgive) the collection process.

Lending money in families, especially when the borrower is always struggling, is a donation. Know from the start that you're not getting it back.

That is what happens when kids are spoiled in the country. Always take you for granted

Oh man. This is so sad, but it didn't happen overnight. chances are this type of behavior slowly grew. The only thing you can do is let him go and do not give him any more money. He will continue to to manipulate you until he knows you won't cave and give him money. He's gonna hold the grandchildren over your head but there's nothing you can do.

I find a lot of young people have parents who never set boundaries. Nothing to do with being rich. Just set boundaries.

@7:25 Ken is right. It is very difficult on a parent to see their child exhibit behavior thst they did not model.

I don't do loans, and I don't have enough money to gift you. Works well for me.

We loaned our daughter $6000 for a car. She didn’t pay for a long time and she finally stated paying. For her birthday this year we opted to forgive the rest of the debt. Lesson learned. We will never loan money again. If we can afford it we may give them money, but never a loan.

Chalk it up as a lesson learned and move on. Do not let guilt drive your decisions. He needs to grow up and you can not continue to enable his behavior. No more money! Also suggest you set up a revocable living trust to take care of your assets when you die to prevent your wishes from being challenged in court. Something this man will likely do if you just have a will.

Excellent advice from both of you.

When you give money to family, it's pretty much a grant and not a loan.

I would never loan my children money. I would just give it to them.

Typical step mom tone. She became numb when Dave told her to let the money go. 🤣🤣

If that was her biological son she would not be taking this same attitude. Blender families always a mess

This is strong concise advice 💪

Just let him go and don't loan him anymore money and tell him he needs to grow up and support his family. It is not your problem. He is an adult. It is not your problem.

My own approach is to never lend money to relatives. I let them think it's a loan but I regard it as a gift. And if it's to be mentioned, the recipients must bring it up; I never do.

Just say no. He needs to stop making babies he can’t afford

I don’t loan I give it away to my kids and brother… I give what I don’t care about .. I only give what I can afford happily…

NEVER EVER loan money to family or friends! Only gift money to them (IF YOU CAN AFFORD IT). NO EXCEPTIONS! Then there will be no problems. And if they offer to pay it back you say no (as part of the conditions of said gift).

I have learned the hard way that never, never loan family members money; they think for some reason that repayment is off the board. Never again will I repeat my mistakes on loans to family members.

Well done, Mr. Ramsey. 👍👍

Honestly, if my kid refused to pay back a loan I would call the police on them for theft.

What a horrible son.

I bet some of this goes back to the divorce of his parents and bitterness that grew out of that.

I think the caller and her husband need more therapy than anything, imo. Especially the husband, because from what she said it sounds like he will continue to be taken advantage of because he is just a nice guy and can't understand how his son is treating him like this. As soon as she said emotional manipulation in the video, that's a huge NOPE from me. The son will probably threaten to keep the grandparents from seeing their grandkids also. If mine do that, then so be it.

It’s a small amount. Tell the kid it’s a gift. It isn’t worth the grief.