How Much Ego Should I Have? #18 

please never stop these personal podcasts they mean so much to me and to others I’m sure. I love you Char

im only 2 mins into the video, but growing up i had an issue understanding the difference between being confident and being egotistical/cocky. this thought manifested itself into my personality, making me more passive/neutral in high school. years after high school, i think it was my last year of college did i hear the phrase, something along the lines of "to be confident means to trust and accept yourself with no judgement" and it changed my perspective on confidence

it’s so funny because i look at you from an outside perspective and see you as highly successful. putting yourself out there online, travelling between the most amazing cities in the world, earning a living in a creative profession that still allows you to focus on yourself without all the downsides of the highest celebrity status. you are honestly living out my dream. it’s ok to want something else for yourself, obviously. but it’s also ok if you don’t want a different direction for yourself. i know it’s easier said than done, but please don’t feel like you need to measure yourself against other people’s measures of success. don’t change for anyone but yourself

my favorite podcaster recently for your genuineness and vulnerability. i think youre wearing yourself out by trying to find a specific percentage of ego that’s just right. instead, imagine it like a moving wave. your ego inflates or deflates according to the context. for example in moments of stress or vulnerability, we might need more ego/confidence to thrive/survive. in moments when it feels more right to be selfless, you can move in that direction. you said you needed intention, let that be love for yourself and others. let it be free of judgement and know the morals you stand by. be confident so as to succeed but never let your power cloud your original intentions, which is to be the good person that you said you felt you were deep down. unfortunately power is often correlated with cockiness and greed. the real strength in my opinion is having power and staying humble all at once. ❤️

I started to tear up when you did because I relate so much to your story. I was so overly criticised as a young girl that I grew up to only believe bad things about myself. Now I find it difficult to accept anything good said about me even though, deep down I know I’m a good person. It’s hard to believe I’m worthy when I’m so critical of myself. So now like you, I’m trying to build more confidence in myself.

You are SO REAL. And I need that. I’m 16 and I want to be a model so bad, and I’m so happy I found you, you’re like the big sister and the guidance I need because I feel so lost so much, and relating to a person who is achieving my dreams makes me feel seen and heard and makes me believe I can actually do it, and make it in life

thinking ab my future kids has been one of the only things to really get me motivated & I’ve never heard anyone else relate to that omg

The Ego is just Separation, the Soul is Connection. Confidence is a different topic, you can be super confident and egoless at the same time

PLEASE keep doing these, I relate to your videos so much. I'm from Chile, I'm 26 and I studied to be a doctor for 7 years, I graduated 5 month ago, never failed a class, an yet my self esteem is so low that I still don't want do start working on my career. I'm convince that everyone is smarter than me, that I forgot everything I learned, that I'm not enough for this job, etc.. Watching your video made me feel that eventually I'll get over this and be confident again, I have no idea when my self worth got so bad. Love you, your are very smart and fun to listen, hope you pursuit everything you dream of

15:00 hey obviously dealing with being ‘misunderstood’ (sorry you hate that word) but it’s true) has taken a tole on you. No one ever gave you a chance it seemed like or showed you what’s great about you. You had to discover that yourself. I just wanna say that and so many other people would agree with me that you’re so admirable and well spoken and the way you’re using this platform to bring up these topics is so inspiring and comforting to me and humanity in general. There’s so many people including myself who relate to everything you’re saying and even grew up with a narcissistic dad and all the things that come with that. I never heard anyone talk about that in my life and it really woke me up to a higher understanding of myself and it was good that someone actually understood what that’s like. It blew my mind. I just wanna say thank you so much. You’re such a necessary factor in the evolution of our way of thinking as human beings in my opinion. Your openness and entire life experience that you’re able to perfectly articulate is gonna help heal a lot of people. I know you suffered in the past and still feel that pain still. But I think you went through that because you’re a special person who can use those bad experiences and grow from them and then teach humanity how to grow so we all grow as a whole. That is an amazing talent right there and I’m personally very thankful for your existence n a whole lotta other people are too and are about to be.

I feel so close to what you're saying in this video even 'though I have a completely different life, job field and growth journey. Don't stop with this project please, you're doing amazing

this means so much to me. thank you for your honesty, you're really special Charlotte

This was incredible. I’ve thought through rough versions of every concept you mentioned here. It’s surprisingly soothing to hear them discussed out load on a solo vlog. A publicized internal dialogue. I’m going to split my time journaling with drafting and creating videos like this, the process of making these must be satisfying.

WOW. This episode spoke to me in a way that I truly needed it to. I’ve been struggling with this for YEARS. Hearing others opinions of me and changing my personality to fit into what society wants me to be and feeling like I’m not enough has been such a struggle, and recently I’ve been noticing how much I’ve changed to please others and have lost the true me by doing this.

Be a good person. Treat people right. Be confident about those things. Let your ego grow or shrink accordingly. I cannot speak to the ‘Hollywood’ business, but I think some athletes and actors and musicians do have a certain level of humble cockiness in their own skill set. The better people from that lot, work their tails off to get where they are and stay there. My opinion? Be truest to yourself. Thanks for sharing these deep thoughts. By the way, my therapist says to treat and speak to yourself as you would a dear friend. It is difficult, nut this allows you to grow a little more while you are not wasting time beating yourself up.

i needed to hear this video. i’m loving the series char youre killing it

I can relate to you so hard on feeling misunderstood growing up. I was also the “bad girl” in high school that teachers would speak negatively about and it almost shaped my personality into believing that I wasn’t a “good person”, even though I knew I was deep down. It just goes to show how other peoples opinions of you can shape who you believe yourself to be. I’m older now and those words don’t affect me as much as they did, but they still linger in the back of my mind. My point is that you’re not alone. There’s so many people in this world who are misunderstood I guess this just goes to show that we should have more empathy and understanding for other people and not to judge others based on the greater opinion. These podcasts are amazing , I never realized it but I feel like I relate so much with you so much ❤️

Discovering this side of you is eye opening, love you so much Charlotte

I think a good way of looking at it is that everyone has something to offer the world, including you. You can believe in yourself without being self-centered, when you see that you have qualities that can be used for good. Not everyone adds to society in a good way but I believe that everyone is capable of it. Believing in yourself and achieving your dreams benefits both you and others! I'm proud of you Charlotte for putting yourself out there and not being frozen in yourself but doing something. Just to do something but not be perfect is good enough. Also I totally relate to being motivated by my future kids I think about them all the time:)

Thanks for voicing out your thoughts. Very real, very relatable 💞 I've always felt the exact same, especially being in a very competitive environment

Omg, this podcast really touches my heart & soul :( ❤ I'm 22 years old and just started to love & accept myself, but I never realized that I still can't accept the fact that I don't really believe in myself to go and find my first real job in the real world, because I'm scared that I'm not that good enough in my work field or I disappoint people around me.. but after hearing your podcast, now I know that I need to believe in myself, be brave to fail or learn new things along the way and just f*cking do it!!! be more hard-working for my own best future! like all the quotes that we see... life is too short & we only live once!🥺🤍 thank you & love u Charlotte

i literally love ur mind and how it works please never stop making these

I am really enjoying this episode, Charlotte. Everything you talk about is everything I feel like I've been struggling with as well and hearing someone else say the things I have internal converesations about is refreshing. Cheers from Toronto! ♥

If you keep your head down, do the necessary work to get to where you want to go, and surround yourself with grounded people-you’ll build a healthy level of natural confidence.

you make me want to work to be more comfortable about myself and i appreciate that !

I loved this !! And all your recent podcasts!

If everyone is special, no one is special - logically speaking. Being special means you are better than the average. So if everyone is special, this means being special is average; therefore, no one is special. However, there are many different ways you can define special. It could be relatively, objectively, subjectively. Like for example, this person is special to me (relative), but may not be special to the general masses. Or this person is the smartest person in the class, but compared to the masses, they are just average. Believing you're not special is a really hard pill to swallow for some people, and so it's much easier to lie to yourself. But on a more positive note, I think anyone has the potential to become special for sure! Anyways thanks for the episode, I really enjoyed it!

One can have all the confidence in the world and still have no ego

WTF I was just having a conversation about this by myself outside n I open this up and the title is literally what I’m thinking about. I’m glad I subscribed to you cuz I really love the topics that get brought up fr

38:35 omg i honestly was one of the kids who got told by my mother that i'm the prettiest, i'm the smartest, basically saying that i'm a special girl. and let me tell you my way of seeing the world was fucked. i become a bully in my elementary years, then in middle school i had a bestfriend whom are really toxic that i loose all the confident-ness in me. but then i got into a different school (high school) than her and remembered feeling so free that i become some part like her :( i don't necessary bullied my friends, but i was lowkey being mean. then corona comes, and i got into a depression for exactly 1 and a half years. some part about family issues but in that time, i realized that what i've been doing since elementary (ESPECIALLY ELEMENTARY) until hs are despicable. it took me what 15 years to become fully aware about my doings in the past. i cried many times cus i felt genuinely so bad. i really want to personally apologizing to them one by one, but i never got the gut to ever be doing that. i had to branding myself to be a different person than i was. and now i actually lmao, lacking confident. i think i killed that side of me completely just so i can build it up again from the ground cus i would never brought the overly confident side of the old me. so i'm not saying that every children who born into that perspective are gonna be a bully, but it's a really dangerous words to be implanted on a children's brain that they're the MOST this the MOST that, they're BETTER than everyone. i personally think it's good that we have a little bit of confident in ourselves, but don't forget to compliment others, at least once a day cus it honestly helped me so much.

I think a lot of the reason you want to hold onto your ‘pathetic self’ is because without it you’d be truly vulnerable to other peoples criticisms of you. I’m also avoidant and have always been that way and thought that as long as I was constantly berating and thinking badly of myself that no one could say or think something worse than I’ve already thought about myself…letting go of that means that I would be almost letting myself be criticized without anything protecting me from that and letting others see me in a way that I maybe haven’t seen myself (meaning I also have to let go of that control that I had or thought I had over how I’m seen or how other people might think of me). It’s hard and complicated :( but with vulnerability comes a lot of deeper connections with people I think. I’m often not sure if it’s worth it at all because shutting down seems so much easier a lot of the time..at least in the short term. I have so much to say about the other stuff you talked about but I’ll leave it here for now

I relate to this a lot, feels like I'm talking to a friend. Love your vids!

31:35 Hey I might have the answer to your question. This is gonna be a long one but I really think it’ll help answer it. I kinda had a personal breakthrough recently on this topic and your videos even helped me realize this for myself as well(thank you btw). But what helps me have a clear understanding of all this is understanding that the desire to be special is an unattainable desire because every single human is special and that makes none of us special. Desiring to be special, Desiring to be like the top dogs of the industry is only gonna lead to misery because you’re thinking in lack. This causes us to think in the point of view of they have something that we don’t. When the truth is we don’t have to chase being special, or look at someone else and think they are more special than us because every single one if us is truly special...BUT that makes NONE of us special if we all are. So if we think in the way where we think none of us are special, it takes off an enormous pressure of trying or having to be special when you already are. It also causes us to think as a whole and collective as opposed to it being all about US thinking we are not special and are worth nothing, or us thinking we are special(which are two different forms of ego) cuz those are both illusions. The top dogs in the industry do have so much belief in themselves and yes their egos get much bigger as they succeed and reach seemingly unobtainable goals they even never dreamed of, but before they found all that success they weren’t looking at those who already made it before them in the industry and didn’t get discouraged and didn’t say to themself “Wow they’re so special..they were just given a better hand than me.” NO, they think ‘’if this person can do it then obviously I can do it too they’re living proof.” Because what makes them so special? They’re a human being just like me. I can do what they do too if not better. They’re not special. No one is. Even tho we all are. It’s like a balance of confidence understanding of oneself potential self belief aggression and hard work. When we succeed it’s easy to get lose in illusion and faking it till you make it does work for people. But the ones who get the most love and respect at the end of the day make it while keeping their souls and authenticity while evolving and changing into a better version of themself that they’re happy with and completely satisfied with and love. Inspiring others to do the same not just wanting success for the gratification or feed into their delusion like famous celebrities like Jared Leto.

a really interesting topic. I've been thinking about my ego these days. Thanks for giving such amazing perspectives. It's really amazing!

This is so important and special to hear

Differentiating correlation vs causation was a good side point go into that

Usually people who spend most of their time getting super good at a skill(what people Believe to be their “talent”) it’s because you feel deeply not enough so you try to prove it to yourself by being as perfect you can be at whatever it is you’re interested in. So Harry styles doesn’t act like he’s a god cause he has to it’s because he has been running from something since he was a child( a feeling of lack). I think all successful people want to fulfill something for themselves and that’s what the ego is. But people in entertainment don’t do it because they think they’re the shit. They do what they do because they’re passionate about it and it’s the only thing that lights them up.

I strive for balance. Balance is my definition of success. I think finding what you consider success is the first step. Also, you have to consider that we are living in a society that is not natural to us. My belief is that humans were not supposed to make it this far, so that’s why everything is confusing and feels unnatural. Maybe I’m going off topic, but I think my purpose is to learn as much as possible, have fun, then die. This isn’t easy to come to terms with, but it’s freeing once you start to accept it. Idk I’m not super good at expressing my opinion. I love this video though!

I think the goal is to have an ego without being cocky, which means walking on a fine line, and the people you named like Gaga or Harry are the ones that found the balance to walk comfortably along that line. What scares many of us, as you said, is to work on improving our ego but then becoming cocky along the way without realizing it. The thing is that being cocky is just as awful as not appreciating yourself enough, but the last one doesn't bother anyone, and actually a lot of people would rather you stay shy and self demining rather than cocky because then you could become their competition. So in society it is more comforting to have low self-steem than being braggy, but both are just as bad for ourselves.

thanks for that it really motivated me to accept the fact im the way im

It is just fun how other see the light in us but we just can't... Since I've meet you have been an inspiration to me. Super Talented. Thank you Char for being my old sister for so many years, even tho we are the same age LOL

I resonate with this so much!!

Love this conversation!!

Rlly loved ur mindset n the way u think. Keep up

Charlotte ❤️😔 I don’t know you but I relate to you so much I’m feeling like I’m bad. My whole life my family would tell me the story of Abel and Caine constantly and it made me feel like they thought that about me and my little sister. It made me feel like It places bad ideas of myself into my head :( but you’re not bad believe me, you seem really sweet and very kind!

I think everyone’s confidence should stem precisely from their individuality… It seems like you’re conflicted with the idea of believing you’re better than others or more deserving of something or at least in some way each thing you’re seeking is thought of relative to others. I think you don’t need that variable at all. Your only focus should be becoming who you want to be and developing new skills and habits that you value. Every single person is different with different life experiences and perspectives so you should find peace in knowing there is no real definite scale of better or worse. You just have to radiate that individuality and the things meant for you specifically will come if you let them. No one person is better than another, it’s just about creating a place for yourself. I think security and love for your individuality and personal values is the goal and comparing yourself to others is actually a sign that you aren’t appreciating your individuality fully…

I think it honestly depends on each person. I think each person has different levels of capacity for humility and if thinking that they’re God is the way that they operate in the industries that they’re successful in, then that’s literally just them and the LACK of capacity for humility in them. And honestly more power to them, if that’s what works for them then fine. However, when it comes to someone like you or me who does stop to think about whether or not having that sort of ego is right or wrong, that’s us having a greater capacity for humility than the sort of people who think the world of themselves. And honestly I’m okay with that. Personally I’m okay with having a moral compass when it comes to the amount of ego I should or shouldn’t have. It’s how I work as a person and I can accept that wholeheartedly. I think it’s how you work as a person too. Sure, it’s a never-ending battle that we go through mentally and it’ll probably never stop for as long as we live, but I think that’s a more ethical way of living life than what these people do. And maybe that’s my own ego congratulating myself on being so “self-aware” or whatever, but I’ll take that sort of self-congratulatory attitude than the one that makes me think I’m God. I’m not God, you’re not God, and we never will be, so why try to act as if that’s something we should aspire to be? I think you’re fine the way you are and the fact this sort of thing occurs to you just means you’re on the right track in life. Thanks for the video, I really enjoyed listening to it.

I wish this could be a conversation where we could interact with you because I have soooo many ideas on this topic !

you are amazing char

thank you Charlotte

hi charlotte! I'm really enjoying these podcasts! do you have any book recommendations or remember the name of the book you mentioned? xx

you’re awesome char

I'm thinking about you and master debating, Charlotte

🖤

You are amazing

Wu wei wisdom's youtube channel is a good place to learn about ego :)

you are so inspiring

Why does it feel like Charlotte has changed her style from a “baddie” to a “good girl” is it because she never got to be that good golden girl when she was younger? It’s just a thought 💭 btw love u char and I love ur content! Sometimes I put on ur podcast when I can’t sleep because I like hearing ur voice, it gives me positive vibes! You’re a great person ❤

I feel you

does anyone know what camera this is filmed on? xx

"uhm"🥺

Love u charlotte

queen

You gotta try sidechaining... game changer ☺

never related more. thanks.

❤️

❤❤❤

You should check out Eckhart Tolle! He talks a lot about the ego

omg how can i find such a sweet soul bestie

Completely unrelated but she reminds me of Freddy crougar in that top

Charlotte I literally think we are really conceited somehow. Your words about yourself describe me a lot then i looked at your birth chart literally we have the same chart!!!! It’s actually crazy. I know u dont know me or care that I exist lmao but I just want to you to know that❤️

omg going to be the best mum sweets

You say torontoe 😭😭

Soo soo moo soo?

Bbq

I love ur vids and I’m not trying to be rude it’s more of constructive criticism but I noticed you say Um probably three times in one sentence, every sentence, it would be a lot of a better experience to listen to you if you tried to stop. I know it’s hard just some advice! Love ur podcast keep it up.

you’re amazing for doing this charlotte. i really enjoyed this episode. much love🤍

i would recommend eckhart tolle, he helped me a lot with similar predicaments

♥️