I remember mumbling throughout the day, "the self-betrayal must end," in the weeks after pulling away from a toxic person I got close to. It was a good start.
I did some similar mumbling saying I've got to get out of here. A serious full blown breakdown. I still loved her and the stuff I discovered about myself while following through with the plans we originally had. The only problem was she would destroy every effort I made to fulfill those plans. Future faking , hovering, lovebombing etc....
I had an nde, the doctors told me I was dead and wanted to know what I remembered. What I remember was being above my body watching the doctors frantically working on me but I had no attach.ent to it, .y body. I went on out of this atmosphere. I remember thinking "this is it, it's the end of the world" as if it were a fact. I remember feeling like I was going from a dream into reality, like this world never existed. Then I remember feeling like I was surrounded and encompassed by this feeling of love. If I tried to describe it I know you would never be able to comprehend it because there are no words that accurately describe it. It's like I could feel it in every cell of my body, if I still had a body. All the negative emotions were lifted from me, like fear, pain, anger etc. They were just gone and I felt so free. I was constantly moving like flying and I remember thinking how beautiful it was. I believe that we have it all wrong, we have it backwards. Religion teaches that we are humans having a spiritual experience but I believe based on my experience that we are spiritual beings having a human experience. There was a lot more to it then that but you are quite correct. Be are all connected.
HI all. I had an NDE 28 years ago while I was delivering my youngest child.I exited over my left shoulder as I lay there wanting to die, Through a tunnel. (I know cliché but I didn't know anything about this stuff before) I went to a place where I re lived my whole life in a flash. Then feeling every hurt I had dished out from the others point of view (kama) I went to a place where I was in complete torment "knowing/believing I was there for all eternity and reality of the weight of that length with no possible escape not even suiside as I was already dead. Plucked from That and experienced complete knowing, I mean I was known completely and loved by 2 spirits, who ever they were. comunication was telepathic so as soon as it was thought it was recieved no lies no missunderstanding. complete love and light shone in my face but did not blind me, colours were vivid. I was taught many things most important we are here to LOVE. X
Yes, of course. We are spiritual beings having a human experience. I've always thought that death must feel like waking up from a dream and going back to reality and that nothing from that dream life matters anymore... all of the pain and struggle is released and irrelevant because you have a higher perspective and are moving on... just as when you wake up in the morning, you might remember your dream but it doesn't affect you and you just get on with your day. How beautiful.
Thanks for sharingThelma, your words helps me so much. A few days ago my relative dyed and I was there. Its so good to hear something as this...Yes, we are spiritual beings having a human experience. Sending you much love 🙂
My consistent and constant trauma sent me into a deep spiritual journey. I finally asked myself “How the f#%* did I get here?” I had to somehow rise above my situation to somehow see it from a broader perspective in order to make necessary and life saving changes for myself and stop the ancestral lineage of abuse for my boys. As beautiful as my awakening was and is always continuing, I’m still working on giving thanks to that experience. After all I am still human.
My breakdown was my break through. It was awful but necessary to have a meaningful life. Now it seems like it was perfectly timed for the world situation we're in now. I feel powerful now in a very peaceful way like I never had before. Keep pushing through. You will make it if you do. I know it's tough but persist. You're needed in this crazy world.
Meaning & living your truth is key. And maintaining good boundaries &, balance. 1 day at a time giving thanks. Best wishes to all recovering from crisis 👍
looking forward to this one! A breakdown i had in 2015 kept catapulting me into various toxic situations. I was seeking help in the wrong places and looking for love and friendships to heal my trauma rather than healing myself. It took almost 5yrs for all of this to hit a climax that gave me the ability to see clearly and take action to put changes in place to move on and move forward in a positive manner. When you finally see and understand what you need to do and are actually able to do it for yourself things move really quickly. I dont even feel like the same person. I feel like me again.
You are not alone in this. And it is heartbreaking to know so many that have taken so long time to recover. I went through similar time of recovery after breakdown and divorce in 2015. It's much better today but still some work I need to do to stop myself from ending back into the pattern.
@Mom_B_Salty Up until around this time last year i did nothing. I drank, i felt sorry for myself, i wanted to be "rescued" and loved. I wanted external circumstances to change my internal feelings and my plight. I whined and practised avoidance tactics, i did lots of running and people pleased my socks off in the hopes someone would return the favour and see how much i needed help. I "tried" therapy 3 or 4 times and always bailed. I was my own worst enemy. I ended up in a crappy situation of my own making - clinging on to an abusive person and surrounded by people i was desparate to give a shit about me but didnt. Id begun, last spring / summer, during covid lockdown to use that isolated time to start a daily "feelings" journal. I started watching some videos on here - including richards, and binge listened to Natalie Lue's Baggage reclaim. I also paid for several sessions with Natalie - which did me more good than 10x as much therapy. I put boundries in place for myself, and also at work. I began to put into motion removing the toxic people from my life - even if that meant being alone. If "friends and partners" do you more damage than good its best to just cut off all of them than think you can change them. I put that energy into changing myself and working on my own trauma - dissecting patterns and mapping out what caused certain feelings and loops. I cut my work load down by 50% and i moved to a quiet peaceful area in nature. I started saying no so i could have time to say more of the right yes. Ive basically dedicated a year to ME. Something ive put off for a long time. It WAS time. Its only been a year, but i put in at least an hour a day to just this. I also listen to myself and my body now instead of pushing on through and being "strong". Ive honestly changed almost everything.
@@keltait I went through the same process. Being alone and at peace is heaven compared to seeking approval and 'love' and grasping at straws externally. Now I'm happier than ever before but it took almost 10 years. Nothing will ever drag me down again.
Thanks for sharing your experience Richard. I also did not realize how broken I was until my marriage to a Narcissist ended. After I went through my dark night of the soul, I slowly began to emerge from the ashes. When the real me, the one I hid away for many many years started to show herself I couldn’t believe how much I missed her! Why did I hide her away? Because I was ashamed, I was hiding a secret, I didn’t want anyone to know the extent of the emotional abuse I tolerated. It was such a painful realization for me, that I didn’t love myself enough to walk away from such a horrible relationship. I am thankful to free now and to love that part of me that didn’t deserve to be devalued the way she was.
Sometimes we hide away that good side of us so it doesn't get hurt, or permanently damaged beyond repair. We can sometimes exude a more negative angry side to ward off those who have hurt you previously. After they're gone, and time shows you can relax, the pain comes forward we process it set it aside and reveal who we once were once again that everyone loved and enjoyed. This time more guarded and wise.
I'm 42 and have been on a 2 year journey after being broken from a over a year long relationship with a boarderline/narcissist with 2 children. Discarding me for another man left me deverstated. I've experienced a full reset after a 2 year full on journey about understanding things about my past I'd not understood. A full understanding about so many aspects of my own and other people's behaviours has led me to see how I was living from a mentality of illution. Sometimes I feel like the guy in the matrix that regrets taking the pill to see what reality really is. Its a hard journey to rethink 40 years of all you knew. I see friends differently. I see people around me when I am out in bars differently. There are a lot of people living an illution and not from an authentic self. I seek completely different values in a partner now than I have in the past. Being more self aware is a HARD thing to achieve and a ongoing journey still now. Noone said the truth was easy but it is true, it will set you free.
I understand all of this and resonate. I find it hard being around others now who have not come out of or who are not having a reset from the illusion. I spend so much time observing now instead of being unconscious. I am forever changed, hard indeed but beautiful too. Just like life. I still feel connected to my brother man as I know we are all one, but it's hard to understand those with strong psychopathic and Narcissistic behaviours after my last relationship. I hope in time I can, and at the very least I am truly grateful to be so awake that I will not spend my time giving my energy to these types and thank them for that lesson. Take care on your further journey my good friend
It is the same for me. Truly enlightening and inspiring to follow Richard's thought process, especially during times like these. I have learned a lot from him.
I had a breakdown too after trying to escape my last toxic relationship. It was an absolute nightmare. She got her parents involved after I told her I wanted to move out. Her parents also tried to convince me to stay. They couldn't believe that their little princess was this covert abusive narcissist.. what I learnt from my breakdown was a whole revelation on myself. I used to think that the last 20 years of toxic relationships was just bad luck. I didn't have the insight before to see my own codependency, that I was like a drug addict going for these highly sexualized girls that gave me this fake love. The same fake love given by my own mother. And there was definitely some trans generational trauma there as I noticed the same pattern with my brother and father.. it certainly takes a lot of strength to break that. It's like trying to reprogram your brain from everything you've been programmed to be from birth.
We are going through a very similar process, and I don't know how you are doing, but I think I can do better than I have been... I'm riddled with weaknesses and social anxiety and I look like I'm a good candidate for the town loon or a little on the sauce.. I'm so embarrassed about it, and I have no support bc my family is awful.. I'm only saying my story, bc I mean, it's closely aligned with yours, and I wanted you to know that I'm right here with you
@@jacqielee2744 thanks Jacqie. Yeah one thing that a lot of us here have in common is that we come from shitty families. Subconsciously we look for the same dysfunctional relationships in our future partners because that's what's familiar to us, that's all we've known. That's "home" to us.. That's what I mean about trying to break what our brains have been programmed to be attracted to. Richard, how do you break that programming? Anyway, I think another reason why it's hard to turn to our families or others over these situations is because it's like we have been through a war which they don't understand. Only those who have been through the same war get it. They understand about the PTSD and trauma bond associated with it.
I'm going through this right now as well. Just got out of an emotionally abusive toxic relationship and realizing that I chose it...it's like a trauma on top of a trauma. Realizing that I am codependent and was trauma bonded and most of it stems from my mom... and that I have a lot of healing to get back to equilibrium and have no idea where to start.
So, I've been single for 4.5 years after the end of a 15 year marriage. And I've had a lot of attempts to have another relationship. Something I've finally palpably become aware of is how scared and protective or desperate and overeager most, well most of the people I've encountered, are. Including myself. If the texts don't match the crescendo of my heart, I am crest fallen. That's my abandoned 3 year old. Being in an intimate relationship, regardless of whether the other person is toxic or not, can trigger a cascade of feelings and behaviors that are programmed by our infant/child to parent connections. I can't seem to have a relationship anymore because I can't get past the initial stage of either them being triggered or me being triggered. I'm not sure it's a problem. I've half heartedly settled into the prospect that I will never have another relationship again because it feels like the likelihood that I will meet someone worth working through this with and vice versa is pretty low. Everyone has it, and they're either willing to fall into the patterns, to play parent or child to the other, in order to be in a relationship or not. Maybe I'm wrong. But I haven't seen proof otherwise, outside of extremely "aware" couples who try to have a relationship outside of programmed emotional baggage and post about it on Instagram, so who knows what's true. Anyway, that's your 3 year old. Sweet little boy Richard. He reached out for a minute and got burned. The pain is a gift. And he needs you to give him the nurturing he craves. And the honesty. Now that I think about, adults are so damn disengenuios and patronizing to children. I remember feeling that as a child. And we grow up and do it to ourselves and the children we encounter.
I love these thought provoking semi conversations. Richards thoughts on his own process really gives me a lot to think and write about in my journal about my own progress. For that I am truly grateful.
When you quiet or silence you own inner voice, you will find yourself in trouble in some way eventually. Maybe we must break to heal although the scars remain. When you can finally be OK with this truth, you can forgive yourself for your past choices. I think forgiving yourself is harder and more important than forgiving others because it allows us to go on.
It takes a LOT of guts to be so vulnerable. Thank you so much for sharing all you did. Those who needed to hear this will know so right away. I now know my life was not going to change, until I had my 'awakening' 😳. I wouldn't have called it this, at the time. I only knew something drastic needed to happening my life, to bring about...that Ever So Fearful...'Change'! I am only now aware of just how toxic, my life was and how much it was poisoning my soul. I can now appreciate 'living in the moment,' enjoying each and every second, to the fullest...! I feel like I have been set FREE. I will no longer tolerate ANY form of abuse, Ever again! 🙏
By showing how real and human you are, it has shown me that even though I work on my self and take courses and program that it's okay when life doesn't work out or I have a breakdown. I'm not saying "why isn't it working for me?" Anymore. I feel empowered. Thank you so much!
This one was a grreeeat one Richie !!! You're such an amazingly intelligent Octopus and such a lovely soul... i relate so much to your words.... You say what I think, but you express it in such a better way than I would... I would be jealous if I was not so tremendously thankfull Long live Richie !
During but toward the end of my toxic abusive marriage of thirty years, my beautiful son took his own life. This was the turning point for me to get away from my abusive husband and begin again. It’s has not been easy but revealing the truth of my marriage to my family and friends has been so cathartic for me. I am now in tune with my soul and the universe in a way I never believed possible ❤️🙏
Ok, these are the most intense and open hearted thoughts I’ve listened to … Richard thank you so much to open up. For what it counts, I appreciate all you do. You know, one day you will wake up and instead of seeing the “repeat” mode, you will sense some romance and poetry. Life is not this cynical, there is love which helps you to surf the wave of time. You are helping so many people. You are a pleasure and a bless. You are a precious soul.
I just had a breakdown in 2019. I lost my job because of it and myself and I’m still not recovered. I have many health problems, I’m not making much progress, everything is now so difficult. Ive lost so much hope.
My trauma started around 3 years old or so also, possibly even earlier actually. It isn’t easy to heal, I have already grieved a ton and I’m not out of the woods yet. But you have helped me find pragmatic solutions that have been working slowly over time. My therapist gave me one of those feeling wheels that you advocated for in the healing the super ego course after our first session, and he checked off most of the other criteria as well. Thanks again for all of your help, you’ve made the road for my recovery much clearer than it would have been.
Wow how amazing that we hear such profound wisdom from you Richard. This is what psychology needs today - synthesis with spirituality. This is what actually works and heals, sometimes miraculously. "And you shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free."
Few regret going through The Dark Night of The Soul, as extremely painful as it is to experience. It's a great paradox that Narcissistic Abuse that often triggers it. St. John of The Cross's work allowed me to finally understand what religious people were talking about. The mystics get "it".
Very kind of you to continue to share your feelings here, it gives me pause to think where am I really? Kind of an extremely tough question right now, as I am pretty sure I am on the downhill slide. I have been there before, I will get out again; this time may take a little longer as 2020 and current time has been quite the sucker punch. Thank you, Richard.
In relationship with ourselves, these two songs come to mind. In 1998 the Goo Goo Dolls released a song called Iris. The line "I don't want the world to see me because I don't think they'd understand." And, Jan Arden's song Mend, (2000) where she underscores the pain of love, the fight within us, and the inevitable mending we do in the aftermath of growth - "We fight, and fall down & mend." To weep is the tipping point of surrender. The letting go. Nourishing ourselves with receiving for a time, at rest. The greatest risk is to be seen, and the story only fully known, within us.
My breakdown, looking back, was very interesting. I literally fell to the ground, my brain felt broken. It was a true tear down and rebuild. I didn't think I was going to make it through and now looking back, I'm so amazed, dare I say INSPIRED when I see where I was and know where I am. Now, I'm helping others through. I'm using those experiences for the good of others through Transitional life coaching
Grateful to experience the analogy of religious dogma, spirituality and one with self. It's been my current struggle. Thank you Richard for all you share. I have followed you for over 4 years now. It truly enriches my life to be introduced to more ways to contemplate my own thoughts. You really do have an ethereal arm opening different doorways to our minds. 🙏🌞
At 35 I finally feel like I'm processing my life better and am moving onto the next phase. I've been suffering from workaholism towards a goal that ended up being a dead end empty wish that if I work enough towards what I thought people wanted, I would earn some loyalty and stable relationship. After watching friends get abandoned by their parents as a kid, to seeing my friends self delete as a teen, to having my idea of relationships with a female be strung along and littered with lies, to having friends back stab me over money and leases, losing leases because land lords go ballistic or say one thing and do the opposite almost immediately after. To realizing my father's neglect is because he never wanted to be with my mom, but stayed because I was an accident even though he resented me for reasons like my name being the same as the kid who bullied him when he was young, only realizing this as my mom's alzheimers ramps up and starts spilling all sorts of information I never heard about her past, as I realize I have to say goodbye to who I knew her as while she is still around. Now that I've witnessed all of these fallacies of expectation, I finally feel a complete disconnect that I will ever be able to rely on anyone, and it really put a motivation back into my ambitions and goals, because I am essentially a free floating organism surrounded by chaotic greed to take whatever I may acquire and I have to take for myself, instead of hoping someone will meet me in the middle at some point. I've also gone so long without, and subjecting myself to poverty for skill and morality ambitions I thought that I would be appreciated for, to the point that I can take care of myself on the most frugal budget, and am able to rebuild from zero, without help or money outside of what I'm able to acquire and save.
Dude, You are the best! thank you for your clear mind, and I am so grateful to see how authenticity works including a bit of humor. Had my collapse and still working on myself every day. Every-time I am bringing 'me' out and all the parts I neglected, it feels so great.
Yes. I was awakened in 2016 after my relationship with a malignant narcissist. It has been a learning journey ever since. We all have a piece of God within us and we will return to the source when we die. That piece of God within each of us is always trying to help us because that piece is pure love. ❤️
Thank you for your continued guidance and insights by sharing your deepest personal realities. I have followed you for several years, and each of your videos have helped me so much on my healing journey. Your willingness to be open and honest with your personal experiences is so important and valuable. ❤️
Thank you Richard for sharing. Your capacity to give clarity to experience is helpful as I am going through another breaking down of my world right now. It is brutal and yet a relief..the only thing to do is to view with Divine compassion the fragile self exposed. Much love you are truly apreciated🙏🙌💖🙇♀️
@@kamif3187 I recommend watching or reading material on Holographic Universe Theory. That's a start. Bottom line is that Christ himself told his followers that he was an aspect of - or intrinsically connected to - the almighty God. And that, likewise, we are inextricably connected to Christ; and, by extension, to God. We are all ONE. As above, so below. We just need to realize it.
Richard, I cannot thank you enough for sharing your insights and vulnerabilities. I connected to this on a deeply personal level. Especially not knowing how much pain we're carrying it, until it's released. I'm in the trenches right now. And your words helped me regain perspective. 💓🙏 thank you
How do I know how I feel without knowing or understanding or having my own "values"... I didn't. Thank you for all of your content Richard. Contemplating my own values, beliefs, has been seemingly what I was missing. My 1 million piece puzzle with blurred pictures is now in focus, so I can spend time putting the pieces together.
Touched my heart. Experienced just the same, but I wouldn't have been able to put it so perfectly in words. Thank You so much. Found Your channel a few days ago and listen to You since. My breakdown was just as awful and necessary and I am more than grateful for it.
Thank you Richard for being so transparent and honest. I've followed you for years now and have sensed much of your personal journey. You are a good man.
Thank you for sharing a part of your healing process, it is very important for many people to hear, also because some might feel that they are not healing quickly enough, and that their teachers and healers are almost enlightened, and never have to deal with agonizing personal stuff, but we all have to, its part of the journey towards Self. I also hope you wont mind me saying, i had a strong intuitive knowing, more than a year ago, after having been following on and off your channels and lectures, that what you went through now, was going to happen, not to you, but for you. Its great to hear about gratitude, because that is the right attitude, when we go through death of old parts of self, and survive, more whole and integrated, more loving, more self forgiving and compassionate, not less self forgiving of self and others. Much love & light.
Gosh, i 💙 your work I so appreciate you. When you get to the point and realisation you actually abandoned yourself wow, its profound. Im choosing to have the one relationship i badly needed... with myself. Its an ongoing journey if i hadnt gone through what i had, i wouldnt know who i am..... am blessed and so grateful... you have helped me Richard with my healing since i followed you two years ago...... Thank you 🦋
Always come out of a breakdown spiritually renewed, even though the going through seems like hell at the time, i always tell myself this too will pass a good mantra for lifes struggles, i wish you wellness and happiness and above all peace of mind
Omg you have so powerfully articulated all of thoughts so beautifully! I am so grateful for your ability to be able to translate so humorously, precisely & definitively! Thank you! 💚
Much love and light to you 💖 I had my breakdown last year and at the start of this year my spiritual journey was sparked. I felt like I finally woke up from a long nightmare. Many blessings to you 💖
I’ve had about 2 weeks of dark nights of the soul, trying to make sense of life, and this was extremely helpful. I exhaled listening to this… 😮💨 Thank you
I really needed to hear this. It's taking me some time but I am starting to realize the nervous breakdown I had 1.5 years ago was a breakthrough. When you're in the throws of remembering trauma and abuse that you were forced to forget it sure doesn't feel like it. But when things start to settle then you start to see the blessings and how leaving certain environments are what's best for your health...physically, emotionally, mentally, spirituality...etc.... I am not exactly where I want to be in life but I am definitely in a much better place. And will slowly but surely continue to make my way to better and better places in life. 💖💔💝
Only discovered your channel recently my intuition is guiding me on what I’m listening to, mind blown 🤯 The Eyes are the windows to the soul … in a world where everyone wears a mask no pun intended…. it’s a privilege to see a soul ❤
Thank you so very sincerely for sharing your vulnerability, your truth, your life experiences so I can learn, we can learn from you and your weaknesses & strengths, helping us to see, relate, grow for a greater maturity. I send my Love as I honor you.
I see you, I hear you! Thank you Richard for sharing so much of yourself. I'm so grateful for all you do for me and not just me but so many others!! I have learned so much from your work and will continue to. I'm excited to be on this journey with you and follow you even if we never meet.💛
That was some of the coolest things I’ve ever heard you say! Thanks so much for everything you do for so many of us trying to figure things out. That was awesome!! I hear you! Every once and a while a little reset is necessary. Thanks again for sharing yours! 🌲✌️🍁
Thank You, Richard for your courage. It is through the personal break down of lies that we are able to find the truth and our purpose for being! My prayers are with you as you continue your journey forward!
Thank you for sharing this with us Richard. I relate to you being grateful for your breakdown. Our recovery is not instant for sure and can be done by no one but ourselves. Nor can we burry it. It is up to the individual to find their own path back, although seeking knowledge of our condition is essential to this recovery. There is a saying that I have adopted these past few years that goes; Into the forest I go, to loose my mind and find my soul. I am so grateful that I tuned in to your channel today. luv you.
Dear Richard, all the best to you for this part of your life and your further healing! You are handling this in an inspiring manner and I salute you from my heart! 🧡😘
I believe i had a similar revelation and listening to Eckhart Tolles "Power of now" crystallized the experience. I still listen to it once a year and find new stuff i missed. Listening to you is akin to his teachings which is great praise but as the saying goes treat failure and success as the same imposters. All the best and keep up the journey.
When you mention sight, I experienced a past life as a rock. I was very content in this stream, "watching" the season's change in the bending trees above me. I "saw" children playing in the water and I felt joy. Consciousness I feel in all things. I would love that again. I am glad you are doing better.
As always Richard puts it so well and as simple as it is possible to put such apparently complex observations, that without experiencing them are difficult to grasp…anyway …thank you Richard sending you much love ❤️ and peace in your heart.
I'm glad I had a break down too. I'm better because of the experience. Mad love Richard, I found your channel because I was feeling broken. I don't feel broken anymore. Thank you.
I'm sorry you went through all that, but happy you turned it into something positive for yourself. That's a real testament to your resilience and why you are so good at coaching and helping others. Something similar happened to me recently, and I have been quite embarrassed about how much it affected me when outwardly it would seem like it shouldn't be a big deal. But it goes to what you said in an earlier video about certain circumstances being sort of a perfect storm in triggering old wounds and bringing things to the surface. Anyway, I applaud your courageousness and thank you for helping me realize that my own reaction is OK and even understandable.
Hi Richard. It is such a pleasure listening to you speak. You are a wise man. Thank you for your work. Please keep these kinds of messages coming. Also, the visuals you included were spot on.
Thank you for being so real and also for the education in religious symbolism! No really - this was the most intensely real and eye-opening 15 minutes of my entire month. (Modern life is fast even when in hermit mode!) Every now and again I tune in to listen to you speak and I'm blown away. Bless you Richard Grannon.
Comprehensively or holistically an extremely brief yet figurative summary of existence in point for when we are good or down. Admissions of truth and alleviations, traumas and sufferings, purpose and being. A truce in meaning of model that lives by in all regards of awareness, for those with quest and sight. Also simply, well and generously shared 🙏
Thank you Richard Grannon...i am and presently and forever thankful. I move forward revisiting the "basic ecersises" that you introduced ,... from time to time Remembering them just long enough to move forward Gratefully respectfully calmly assuredly and so much more Truly Thank you
I watch your videos when i am depressed and anxious. Your voices soothes me and i trust what you say. What helps me feel better is exercising a little more than normal, turns out when your body is thrashed your mind has no other option but to be positive
The House of Horrors I think it’s called, the maze of mirrors. I got lost in the reflections everywhere, and the way out was also the moment of breakdown AND enlightenment - what a mind blowing thing.
