How Narcissist Sees YOU 

What the Narcissist finds wrong about many people is really what's wrong with themselves, but they don't see it.

Narcissists are horrible human beings.

I think it's high time we admit that these people do not know and will never know happiness...

Hilariously true! When the narcissist feels guilty, he thinks he's being manipulated 🤣🤣🤣 hopeless!

You need to listen to these videos every once in a while to remind yourself that there is nothing you can do to change this.

He drove me literally crazy....I had completely lost myself

The narcissist I dated constantly posted on social media about people not being accountable for their words and actions and how people are emotionally immature in relationships. It was so weird because he was always posting about behaviors that he himself does. He used to accuse me of trying to “manipulating” him when I was being nice to him. He also once said, “You’re just trying to have sex with me to make me fall in love with you and manipulate me.” He accused me of treating him poorly but when I asked him how, he could never tell me how. He suddenly acted as if he hated me and everything I did was annoying. The nicer I was to him, the more angry he got. I realize now that it was because he wanted to devalue me and me being nice made it difficult and made him uncomfortable and question himself. I never dealt with anyone this mentally messed up in my life.

💯 I went from being his lover to his mother then to his enemy #1! Harder I tried to help “us” harder he went behind my back trying to ruin my reputation and cause conflict with our co workers 🤦🏻‍♀️ now I know what narcissist is (1st encounter… I am 47yr old) I’m not even mad at him because there is no real “him” I’m just glad it’s over 🎉 I survived!!!!

they are not posessed by demons - they are demons! lmao you are amazing Sam ! thank you for all your work!

This is a very important video for anyone who needs some answers after being in an abusive relationship by a narcissist.

Yes! This is so bizarre! They project all the harm they cause you onto you!

its scary how common narcissism is.. truly frightening. after you learn about how narcissists operate, they honestly just become boring because they all do the exact same thing. this video describes my ex to a t. cant say how many times i’ve heard other people say that… Lord help them, and us to heal…

This is exactly right!! He pushes you to betray him and then blames you for it and plays the victim. He would triangulate me every day with other women and deny it, and then claim I was controlling him.

The narcissist is incurable. So sad that horrible parenting can do this to another human being.

They are physically and mentally and emotionally draining they can make Yr life a living hell

Yes! All the blame, devaluation, false or exaggerated accusations. I literally have examples of every discription you gave. Crazy who they pretended to be at the beginning. It's like they were proficient at every love language. You'd never believe in a million years that they could be the monster they eventually reveal themselves to be. This is what makes starting over so hard. It's hard to distinguish at the start of a relationship if all the acts of kindness, gifts, and words are genuine or just bait. This is why boundaries are so important. Only time will tell when the dopamine wears and rubber meets the road how they're going to deal with conflict and challenges with you. I wish I would have known what I know now, I would have saved myself 9 years of wondering what happened to the amazing guy I met. All the wonderful things they do and say at the beginning isn't for you, it's for them. It's the bait and once they catch the fish you're thrown in the bucket and ignored. Finding out your relationship was lie and that you're only an object is so devastating. Thank you for the work you do! When you don't get closer the next best thing is knowing the playbook. 🙏😊

My ex-husband was always accusing me of being a "manipulative game-player". I was being as direct, articulate and truthful as I could possibly be, and yet, he kept insisting that I was a manipulative game-player. One day I asked him "how he could tell", when I was playing a manipulative game. He said when I talk to him and he gets all choked up inside. In other words, when he felt empathy for me, then he had to squash it to stay clear-headed. Only when I started lying to him that "everything was fine", did he praise me for telling the truth and no longer manipulating him.

Nothing worse than being abused by a narcissistic husband Thank you Sam for all you do

I'ts a perfect description of my relationship with my ex. The accusations, the blaming. He even blamed me for his bad breath, for i was making him angry and that caused him to have bad breath 🤣🤣

I'm running as far as possible in the opposite direction.. Discarded in the worst possible way with no warning after 30 years of marriage.. He sees himself as a victim even though he has been the cheater

9:56 "he thinks you love him, because you want something from him"... Oh my god... Now I see... That's what it was when he always always couldn't understand my love, always unsatisfied, always distrustful, always humiliating me... because he just can't imagine love without some agenda, profit...

This is so accurate. They speak like you were specifically sent into their life to destroy them 😂

I’ve never been so heartbroken in my whole life 💔

Just when the fog lifts you really see it it’s sad

I was discarded for setting boundries and wanting to be treated with empathy. He said I was too much work. He was looking for an easier submissive supply I guess.

The psychology of a trickster

I grew up in a cult religion which stayed away from others not in the cult. In this cult I realized they were teaching and changing people into becoming narcissists. I left this cult but now I'm dead to all my family and friends. I'm basically making the observation that narcissists can be created by feeding people's egos and building a sense of self-righteousness in them.

Wow. It feels like you had a front row seat to my life. He just filed for divorce saying all the things you just said here. It's surreal, frightening and sad to live through this lie of a relationship.

Often times we talk about narcissism in romantic relationships, but this is extremely relevant in parent-child relationships as well, especially more apparent as the child grows into adulthood and tries to become their own independent person. it’s always a fight to become independent and set up boundaries against a narcissistic parent, even when it is developmentally appropriate at that age.

"I'm stuck because of you" that part of balming the partner is spot on. They can't seem to see their destruction they make themselves. Then they drag their partner with them into deep.

The word „maybe“ killed me for almost 4 years… I was becoming crazy with time. I am free of his manipulation after I escaped with my kids. But still in therapy trying to find myself again. Thanks to you Sam I understand what happened to me and what could happen to my kids… I am doing all my best to save my kids from him ❤❤

My ex accused me of being a narcissist. Whatever you said about narcissism is my ex. At least he is an ex. He went off to live in his castle with his gf who is borderline. She was jealous of my life and wanted my life. She can have the story, we know how that ended. 😄

The most accurate description of my ex wife. Your work helps me navigate her, as we have a small child together. To say it’s not easy dealing with her is an understatement. Rules only apply to others, and morality is fluid with her.

"Why do you hate me, i loved you soo"....You were my world...i love these narcissists...so fascinating and destroying at the same time....

Quite the mental phenomenon for sure…it’s so hard to look at a man you loved then have to grasp this was his reality.

You can tell Sam has far more knowledge of the condition than most ,a leading expert .. the mother figure and shared fantasy is the hidden secret .. a pursuit of mirrored perfection bouncing from one car crash to another .. once you realise you’ve dealt with an opportunistic childlike adult you can never treat them as an equal 😌a predator charmer and empty vessel feeding on your life energy

People are becoming more and more narcissistic day by day. I think this is because of previous painful relationship experiences. People think that the way to avoid pain is narcissistic behavior I think, especially young people. I've seen many times young people make horrible comments about the opposite sex, it's really sad.

This man is profoundly perceptive. He knows and understands a narcissist better than the most self-aware of them. Thank you for articulating a very difficulty to explain phenomenon.

For those of us who need to understand the mechanics of Narcissism, you are an invaluable resource.

My older brother, had to cut him out, no contact after too many times of abusive outbursts, and accusations.

Only two minutes into the video and already my entire relationship with my adopted mother is described.

the narc dont see me, i cant see them, and i DEFINITELY cant see John CENA.

So basically the narcissist thinks we are just like him.

I knew it, but you've helped me understand it more clearly. The narcissist sees the qualities the other has. And as he knows he'll never have these qualities, he must implement a dominant relationship (by manipulation) in order to take over. Thus the other belongs to him, so the qualities of the other become a part of himself (!!!). He can be very dangerous if he feels it doesn't work... Wow !... Sort of madness, isn't it ?

11:35 "how flawed, wrong and sometimes malevolent you are. He's trying to convince you there's in you - a grain of evil" - OMG!!! That's it! That's what he does! And I couldn't see it at first for the first year. Only after breakups and longer breaks without him, after communicating with people, friends, I noticed they appreciate me, they don't blame me, they don't try to convince me how bad everything is about me in every step... Suddenly I was feeling like I finally had a breath of fresh air - I am ok, I am a normal person, I am not that bad, people actually even are happy to have me as friend... That brings me to tears.

To me, the worst, and most uncomprehendable is that you literally can’t reason with her. There is no way to explain to her to make her understand and see what she is doing. At first it started out as finding a soulmate, connected on so many levels, understanding each other. And slowly it became like we see a completely different reality. That’s why I stayed for a year even after I actually figured out that she is a narcissist. I just want to hurt her, or make her realize what she was doing and what she done, but I realized after one year of trying, and her final discard, that she cannot be reached, no matter what I say, how I tell her, how I show her, she is unable to realize. Like there is noone there, I am fully alone, like I am trying to reason with a ghost, or someone in a parallel universe. Whether I approached her with love, compassion, or anger, or cold logic, whether with words, action, or emotions, she simply always distorted reality, even factual, objective things. I showed her screenshots as proof of things she has done, and she always denied. I tried to make her understand that she doesn’t love me, as she was always hurting or ignoring me, but she always said she loves me so much, she is so sad she always makes me sad, and that I am always so negative. She literally told me, I should see it positively that she had sex with someone else, just because she was thinking of me during that… No matter what or how I said, she would not understand, that it is cruelty, and that she doesn’t love me. By the end, the only thing that kept me there is ‘truth seeking’, I was trying to objectively prove all the things she has done, and make her realize what she is doing, but it is impossible. It is such a lonely experience, that I just want validation and to make her understand her sins, but she is simply not there, unavailable She made me a narcissist, too. I was living in her fantasy world, willingly. I have to admit, I knew it from the start, from day 1, my gut told me, that it is not true, you cannot become soulmates in 2 weeks, it is not normal, it is not true. I knew, that the past didn’t happen as she recounted, I knew that the future she is depicting is objectively impossible, I knew that all the things she is fantasizing is never going to happen, I knew it clearly, but I wanted it to be true so badly, that I fooled myself, I played along in her fantasy game, I knew I was assigned a role and I played it willingly. I knew what she wants me to be, and I knew I am not that, but I played the role exactly how she wanted me to, because I wanted to be that person, too. And I knew she wasn’t that person, but I wanted her to be. In fact, I could have played this fantasy delusion for very long, if only she didn’t start devaluing me. I even played along after I was 100% fully aware what’s happening and I knew she was a narc and I analyzed everything she was doing. I wanted her to play along the lies. And whenever I tried to break out of the fantasy and bring some reality (towards the end), she was always always so mad. That is the one thing she truly hated, to deny her fantasy. I could love her, hate her, be angry, whatever, as long as it was part of the fantasy world she was building. And if I wanted to be real, even if kindly, she was so mad. She never had an intention to make the fantasy a reality and NEVER did a single action for me. All she wanted was to play along in that stupid fantasy world. She discarded me SOOO many times and hoovered me back. First I didn’t even know there was anything wrong with her and I just loved her and went along.

I left my Narc wife 13 years ago and she is interfering with my life still! Our daughter trolled me on a dating website and proclaimed "Caught you"! I think she was referring to me cheating on her mom........ and I was thinking I could do what I want 13 years post divorce but no I cannot.

“ Women are just men with vaginas “ …So true nowadays

I have a 40 year old narassist son😔😔😔 my life has been a nightmare!

exactly! And I think we are all vulnerable to narcissism the moment we stop analyzing ourselves and our actions. Thank you for this honest video!

"You are his mother figure". Holy moly you are so right Prof. This is word for word what she told me once when i held her accountable for something rude she did. "You're acting like my mother"

I once suggested that we (my ex and I) watch a movie after dinner and his response was to immediately accuse me of being a “master manipulator “ . Can’t make this s- up.

And I wondered why two men I was dating in my life hated women...🤔 I still can't believe that there are people thinking & acting like that...

The last part where you emphasize that they are GONE and completely out-of-reach helped me internally take the next step (I hope) in my healing journey. I am absolutely destroyed and am soaking up all the information I can to help me formulate my own closure regarding what happened.

I was engaged to a narcissist for 7yrs. That relationship changed me. Some of the things said in this video sounded like my ex and some sound like how I am now. I worry that now I'm a narcissist.

I keep reminding myself that there are more people in the world that are not narcissist than narcissists

It's like the N is taking on the other person's position.. He is acting exactly how THEY are feeling... How on Earth would a therapist be able to decipher who is the N without seeing actual real time video footage?? It's terrifying. Just have to find the strength to save yourself!

The way that you articulate this message is immaculate

This actually makes me feel better to hear theyre this batty in their heads mental illness

My Ex wife was Narcissism dismissive avoidance, She was always giving me silence treatment sometimes for 2 or 3 weeks Always everything was my fault Never she said sorry in 8 years of marriage

Yes yes yes !!!! It’s my life with my ex husband . Nearly 9 years of hell . I am free 3 months ago I run away .

This confirms what I "saw". He is so combative and wants to make me the enemy. I decided there and then after his rage attack, I do not want to play his mind games. I stopped all communication with him (its been over 5months now with no communication). I see he has a new girlfriend, but its reassuring to know I am not missing out on anything 🙏

Scary accurate! I'm still tied to him through a business and I am struggling to heal. The emotional and financial losses are significant. Seeing a therapist twice a week, and almost daily phone calls to the distress centre. He took every shred of confidence and self-esteem. I know all of this in the video to be true, but yet I just can't get pull myself out of the depression. It's crippling my mind, my entire life 😭

My ex would say he should have been an actor. I didn't know why he would say that but i understood later. He was the most manipulative person i have ever met. I really think it is more than childhood trauma with them i believe it's a spiritual thing. They are too much alike.

Nailed it! Crazy making SOBs, every damn one of them. Run away as fast as you can.

Everything was so on point it scares me. It really makes total sense about a narcisist person I've met.

I think this is one of the most important videos Sam has ever made.

I lived every word of this. It’s like Sam is reading the script of my relationship. To see it, hear it, and feel it is one thing but then to have someone tell you exactly what youre experiencing hits different. Damn this is so sad. What a warped delusional empty world narcissists live in. It’s got to be the most saddest existence and they dont even know it. I feel sorry for them all, especially the one I dated and am trying to leave in the dust for good this time.

You have beyond 100% described my child's father😅😅😅. He always thinks I'm guilty of something. He gets mad with me over every delusional thought what enters his head. These are thoughts he knows is not true🤣🤣🤣

Yes at first, aside from the joy of meeting someone who's 'fallen in love ' with you, it's totally confusing what's going on not only with this individual but with our own insides, which is the more serious issue.

This is exactly what I was fed by my ex. Scary how accurate this is.

This man is pure gold. I have heard the exact quotes from this video so many times. If only I knew...

very strange people and I have difficulty understand how it´s possible to be so twisted

This has been the best explanation of what was going on. I’ve never met anyone like this previously. A simple response of “ok” was an attack and I was manipulating. I could continuously apologize and I was still not self aware and taking responsibility for my actions 🤦‍♀️. Thank you for the explanation.

This is exactly what I needed to know. Narcs don't see others as they are, they neither do see themselves as we see them.

This is so incredibly spot on.

Hence the phrase "you have really changed "

Professor Vaknin, thank you,

I wish I never met this person..I had everything and after 5 months I have nothing I used to have..but finally having enough..slow but steady ready to STARVE THIS MONSTER!

Thank you so so very much for this perspective. Makes all the sense and i can finally put these people in a correct box in my head. They have been driving me crazy from the start ...

Thank you for describing these things in way I understand. It's difficult to put into words all of these that we experience and just to have someone else describing these things that are in your difficult and different life.

This video has explained it better than any other I have seen.

This is video is excellent and extremely enlightening. I am so happy that this vid has so many views already. Thank you , Professor.

So accurate in my experience…so very accurate!

Couldn’t be more on point 💯

I’ve literally watched hundreds of videos and thought I knew it all but this one has shaken me to the core 😢🙏

Insane, Intense Impactful. Thank you Professor for all that you offer and teach. THIS video is filled with painful and sharp insights.

8:45 answered all my questions - fantastic! “Even the most innocuous acts are fitted in…”

❤the humor! Thanks for explaining what narc thinks. It helps to get out of the cycle knowing that the cycle is created by our thoughts. It’s frustrating that it’s not our expectations 😢.

Professor Vaknin, every word you said felt like you were talking directly to me about my owm personal experiences. Your explanations have a healing, validating efect and I am immensely grateful to you for taking the time to make videos such as this.

This is the only and first really educated explanation of a narcissist in RU-vid. Thank you so much for this! This is super helpful 👏

Thank you! You’re describing my experiences exactly! Thank you.

Conned by an adult child who found you to be the mom he never had, projecting his anger he has for his mom onto you, the wife. All the while praising his mom not realizing that she’s the one who neglected you

This explains so much. I couldn't understand at first what was taking place, the accusations, blame etc, But this makes so much sense now.

BEST VIDEO & explanation about narcissism I've ever watched. Thank you!

So on point it’s crazy. Also, hysterical. The level of delusion is just hysterical.

You sum everything up in an amazing way, professor!!! Especially what you said about the narcissist “discard” so that he/ she can finally leave mommy/daddy, and move out of the house to become an adult. Also that this is good but it’s terrifying for them. Sadly, some of them, in my experience, keep on repeating this pattern well into their 60s and 70s.

I just came across your work and WOW. I’m learning everything I possibly can!!! Thank you for your dedication to this topic. You’re helping so many of us out here!!

wow thankyou I will be watching this again a few times to absorb this deeper It felt like warm butter on toast the first time. Everything was so familiar and you validated my suspicions perfectly

This video touched on so many points that are true to my relationship it made me burst into tears