How Narcissists Predictably Torpedo Relationships

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Here are the most common patterns that come into play.
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder. Since creating his RU-vid channel, his videos have received more than 115 million views.
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#narcissism #narcissist #narcissisticmindgames #control #controlling #gaslighting #gaslighter #relationship #toxic #toxicrelationships

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24 июн 2024

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Комментарии : 169

@matthijshannink 10 дней назад

This hits the spot man. I have tears in my eyes from starting to realize I’m not guilty for standing up for myself.

@angief1539 9 дней назад

No- you’re not to blame & have nothing to feel guilty about. You deserve to be treated with dignity & respect, no matter who it is. You have inherent value. You have the right to stand up for yourself. Edit- spelling

@justjosie8963 4 дня назад

The first step!

@JennWest-Liberty 10 дней назад

I literally get blamed for everything.

@kristinmcmahan8814 5 дней назад

Time to get blamed for leaving and never looking back they are incapable of change

@Sharon-fw9qw 5 дней назад

Me too

@garssympa500 10 дней назад

I’m starting to realize that this man saved my life.

@SurvivingNarcissism 10 дней назад

Glad to be on the path with you

@zeynebdevres 8 дней назад

Feeling the same 💓

@amiblueful 8 дней назад

Dr. Carter is a godsend, isn't he? There are a bunch of narcissist-addressing psychologists on RU-vid, but he's the best.

@incognito595 7 дней назад

The people on the internet, this good man included, may have saved My life, too. I will let you know in the near future, because that isn't yet decided. I'm leaning towards "Yes."

@J.F611 7 дней назад

Stay. Please. It gets better. Jesus helps a lot @incognito595

@sage9836 10 дней назад

One narcissist I knew planned it, start to finish. when you say "Hey, something is wrong here" - you find out it was "wronger" than you even knew. Its good to get discarded early.

@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 7 дней назад

Amen! So thankful he found out he couldn't tolerate me after only a couple months of me standing up for myself. I'm not a doormat.

@hyleiakidd8327 10 дней назад

What makes all this worse is if the narcissist in your life was your mom

@MK-cc5ve 10 дней назад

Me too, “going to torpedo the relationship “ and then disinherit you.

@angief1539 9 дней назад

Yeah- it hits different when it’s your mom & dad. People who society tells you are supposed to ‘love’ & ‘support’ you, instead they do their best to tear you down & set you up to fail.

@CoCoFantastique 9 дней назад

@@angief1539 and they paint you to be ungrateful for all they did?

@angief1539 8 дней назад

@@CoCoFantastique Of course, once I decided NOT to live my FOR them, I’m the problem. I’m learning to be ok with that as I’ve given enough of my life to them. It’s time for me to take that back.

@monabarber2335 6 дней назад

Exactly! At 64 I finally Went No Contact, and I have never been happier in My Entire life ! These Entities are Demon Possessed 👺She is a Mumster !

@carparthero 10 дней назад

people who can't communicate think everything is an argument. and people who lack accountability think everything is an attack. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁

@eco1937 10 дней назад

That is so well put! ❤

@carparthero 10 дней назад

@@eco1937 thanks for your kind words. cheers, steven

@yukio_saito 10 дней назад

And their argument gets nowhere. There's no constructive conclusion. It's always destructive.

@Private_Pookie 10 дней назад

I literally just experienced this 5 minutes ago

@carparthero 10 дней назад

@Private_Pookie 💩 happens with these people. if you can, go no-contact. if you can't, communicate as little as you can. your mental health will be better off. -cheers, steven

@realhealing7802 10 дней назад

That's how they excuse their abuse by dehumanizing you.

@4Mikes4Mindset4 6 дней назад

👍🏼

@Sara76779 3 дня назад

Exactly right

@yukio_saito 10 дней назад

So true. They can't manage complexity. It makes them explode their internal chaos outside.

@jillaristeo3194 9 дней назад

All decisions are made by them and for their benefit. My privilege to choose was not even considered.

@v4756nb1rs 9 дней назад

They can't be part of anything bigger than themselves (like a relationship) bc NOTHING is bigger than the narc. Anything that takes away from them must be destroyed. They can't share the spotlight. Thanks for this, Dr. C.

@jkevinparker 9 дней назад

I was married for 24 years to a covert narcissist and this 100% aligns to my experience. Finding the strength to end it saved my life.

@tracyannaleclair9320 9 дней назад

How do you tell him you want a divorce? Im anxious about telling him. If I get him angry he will retaliate. Emotionally and passive aggressively. I separated from him 10 months ago. It's his reaction and retaliation

@chrishere4272 10 дней назад

They suffer narcissistic injury and become abusive towards everyone. That includes children, strangers, everyone. It’s disgusting

@t_nels 8 дней назад

Narcissistic injury, heaven forbid!

@CinzaChumbo 5 дней назад

It is disgusting, indeed. The more I know about narcissism, the more perplexed I get. There is nothing rational, healthy, or even understandable about it.

@t_nels 5 дней назад

@@CinzaChumbo So decide not to focus on what you don't understand. Life is short. Find compassion whenever and wherever you feel it. Never write someone off.

@Hatbox948 10 дней назад

There's lots of little nuggets of wisdom in these shorts. I think Dr. C enjoys doing them too.

@amandaliverpool3374 10 дней назад

Agreed 👍

@SurvivingNarcissism 10 дней назад

I do!

@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 7 дней назад

@@SurvivingNarcissismWhen you said torpedo the relationship I actually started laughing! That's really the perfect word for it! Right away, I knew this was going to be really good, short and to the sweet point!

@stacymurphy7407 9 дней назад

When you leave them... They live with their own rage.

@amandaliverpool3374 10 дней назад

They like the novelty of a new relationship but don't like it when the shine wears off. But, they're the ones that tarnish things when they can't maintain DRC!!!

@roxymovie3938 10 дней назад

Especially the sociopaths and psychopaths because they get easily bored and therefore always need a thrill.

@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 7 дней назад

Yes! It's weird how a person can be so clueless! It makes me wonder how my ex narc made it through life to be 72!

@yvetteandjorgenlarsen9753 7 дней назад

@@roxymovie3938what they consider to be a thrill and what I consider to be a thrill is apparently two totally different things!😂

@amandaliverpool3374 6 дней назад

Agreed to all of the above 👍

@roxymovie3938 10 дней назад

Just saw a movie about twisters today and they reminded me of Narcs: they "bulge out" and can quickly wreak havoc on anything that isn't nailed down. 🌪

@myfriendschmeeda 9 дней назад

Your content is so interesting!

@SurvivingNarcissism 9 дней назад

Glad you think so!

@user-qv9nw1dq2f 9 дней назад

The narcisists dehumanise you and use you to perform certain functions. Your choices and freedom are non existent in those relationships. Those are subjugationships and nothing else. It’s a total waste of life.

@MegaMARLEEN1 10 дней назад

Spoton. And it is such an important part of our life experience, to be you, just being yourself.

@fredhoyt6900 10 дней назад

For years she could not get enough of my Harley. After we got married she "Out Grew It." It still have the bike...

@J.F611 7 дней назад

Always keep the bike 😉

@scrappydappydoo 10 дней назад

Another on time message.

@jazzy7459 9 дней назад

So true, thank you Dr., for these reminders; so grateful I finally woke up after 17years on and off going back to that situation. The scenarios keep replaying in my head though.

@manman-sg1zt 10 дней назад

I'm kind of in the midst of beeing torpedoed. Arsenic poisoning made my mom act helpfull but now I feel better and now it's "what are you doing with your life". I'm old enough to know it's wrong, but not old enough to move out. Hm, at least I know it's all not my fault. Thank you for beeing a light in the madness.

@angieblake3424 8 дней назад

How did you get poisoned?? I hope not from the narcissist in yoir life!!

@manman-sg1zt 4 дня назад

Well, not by Intent. She kept yelling at me to find a job and I found one as a crane conservator helper. Now the most work we did was at an institute of non ferrous metals where there was a lot of lead and arsenoc dust flying around. Eyerything was coated in a thick blanket of it and we were working directly over the furnaces smelting it. So she didn't poison me. Interractong with her is not easy but not THAT bad. After all, someone "superior" needs someone "inferior" to be the "superior".

@carolinemaja2199 10 дней назад

So true! I seen that in my parents, and of surtenly as scapegoat for their miserable relationship witch ended in mothers suicide. It feels as if they want to destroy me next..

@spacegirl226 9 дней назад

I'm sorry your mom ended things like that. How very sad for her and you. I hope you are doing well and taking good care of yourself so those demons can't claim you too.

@Bike4Life231 9 дней назад

"Your role is too be functional only." Wow, this. I'm my situation, I was constantly confused and sucked back in because he made it SEEM like he wanted and expected things to be shared and cooperative and equal, but then he would do extremely hurtful things that completely went against that premise. At the 20 year mark, I was done and didn't even know which way was up. I was getting therapy for something completely different, and ended up figuring out through therapy what was actually happening, and the intense anger and hurt I felt finding out the truth less me to file for divorce and fight fiercely for custody of our two kids, who were also being abused by him. Two years and four different calls to CPS in and I'm still fighting, not giving up anytime soon. Everyone deserves to be safe and feel loved and treated fairly. What he did to me and our children has been unspeakable.

@annking8633 10 дней назад

Summarized beautifully. Thank you for this Dr. C.

@SurvivingNarcissism 10 дней назад

You are very welcome

@melissabryant2251 10 дней назад

Yes.yes.yes. exactly!

@marlenepoulin9554 10 дней назад

Just remind me my past. Now I am not in the game.. still feeling the fault is mine.. keep distance is the way..

@jenniferdavis459 4 дня назад

It’s sad really to think someone can be so cold hearted and have no concious

@isabelvidal3584 5 дней назад

Dr. Carter, you helped me a big deal to leave the narcissist. Thank you ❤

@fred.k9875 10 дней назад

I like your hair cut Doc, looks good!

@donnadavidson5027 День назад

I went from being adored to being blamed for everything.

@donitamb 5 дней назад

Didnt ever buy into Narcissism as its thrown around too often, however this description is exactly what I have experienced with a boss who was bullying me.

@MKhan-uv5kt 3 дня назад

This is so helpful in surviving narcissistic abuse! My narc is my estranged husband who has abandoned his wife and children and still claims he is the victim 😔

@reneenielsen-ly8km 2 дня назад

This is so true .... I lived all after 4 yrs I realized they were a narc , & I never would have thought he would treat me so horrible.

@terrywade3696 7 дней назад

My narcissist husband actually said to me with full contempt, “well, no one is as perfect as you!” Only because I disagreed with him and I had well thought out reasons why!

@Keith80027 5 дней назад

I had to cut off being around my brother because of his narcissism and my life has been so much better.

@LaniLanilei 7 дней назад

If only a narcissist can see their true inner person. Dehumanizing you is maddening. They are a landmine in your life. You are in a field of landmines when you are in a relationship with a narcissist. They will try to direct your step.

@lorrainebetteridge1633 4 дня назад

The more i watch the more i learn ive lived this life for 25 years now im 43 now we met when I was 17 I'm tired ,exhausted and cant remember the last time i laughed not everyone has somwhere to go sadly and stay hoping they will change im living proof and i feel so stupid for letting a man control my whole life thankyou for your videos xx

@lorrainebetteridge1633 4 дня назад

How do you escape with nowhere to go.

@suzetemsantos2852 4 дня назад

😇 thank you. Such an accurate description. It very much helps to understand and be so clearly reminded.

@kimhumiston2686 5 дней назад

You almost have to go through the journey with a narcissist to fully grasp what it is like. When you tell somebody about it, I'm sure they wonder if you are crazy.

@kristinmcmahan8814 5 дней назад

Someone who hasn’t gone through it won’t understand don’t worry about what other people think it only matters what you think and know

@dennisfernandez3405 День назад

Yesterday I left my girl who I love so much because I couldn't take it anymore. She got drunk on Monday, against my wishes, then she got sick and proceeded to blame me for her alcohol addiction while blacked out. 😢 Everything here hit the nail in the head.

@amandaredeagle9572 5 дней назад

Once you leave, it definitely makes it easier on your spirit to heal and take back control versus being stuck in that cycle of abuse. If you have made it this far, then you can make it out to live not just suffer in existence.

@GloriaGonzalez-zz4wp 9 дней назад

Moving on thank you sir

@jamiemoll4128 10 дней назад

My old boss

@maggiereyes2493 6 дней назад

My husband has many of these. He left Ohio and ghosted me 55 day and now he is he is Arizona. This seems to be 11 months and he took off. He didn’t want to answer the question of why he sent his boss who is 67 good morning, gorgeous”. Into this day, he has not apologized. He has just blamed me that I am toxic and I go in circles . Look like a divorce a situation? A newly wed does not miss his wife and step kids. 😢😢😢

@jennifernelson9980 3 дня назад

Them lol. We are always the problem when we do all things right!!

@barbarabrennan1753 6 дней назад

Powerful women can be complicit.

@dougstobaugh376 7 дней назад

Absolutely 💯 % true. God-bless.

@cherylanderson1308 9 дней назад

That exactly right

@LorraineKaai-zp8jm 7 дней назад

All so true what you say) these people have no respect and they cannot expect- respect to be given)

@lindafarwell3408 7 дней назад

I dont want a narcissist in my life

@sharonstrauss1146 7 дней назад

Explained very well.Its all a sad affair.Both parties lose😢

@leonieollinger907 9 дней назад

Ja, man war und ist "Mittel zum Zweck". Doch wehe man "spielt" nicht unsere kleine Farm wie sie es wünschen

@SueORourke 9 дней назад

Facts!

@roselainerichemond2477 7 дней назад

Respect, “ True “

@sallyjaynes2433 10 дней назад

* Truth be known for that * on my Covert Narcissist -- complexity. ✌️☮️

@sudhapatel130 3 дня назад

They blame everything on you

@Sharon-fw9qw 5 дней назад

Whoo-weee that's my brother 💯. All of it.

@fireupyourheartchildrenofgod 9 дней назад

Thank you😢🎉❤😊

@SurvivingNarcissism 9 дней назад

You're welcome

@jillmccarty1227 6 дней назад

YES, THEIR MIND GAMES ARE SO TWISTED!! AS LONG AS THEY ARE UN CONTROL ALL IS WELL, IF I STAND UP FOR MYSELF THESE NARCISSISTS TRIP OUT!!😮

@christophermaclachlan2694 День назад

Yup. This is pretty accurate. Don't forget her ability to cheat and feel no remorse.

@hggtg 4 дня назад

My narcissistic husband cut my cat. I'm trying to trim his Fur. And they blamed it on my grandson and I he said it wasn't his fault. We looked at him and said. Well, you did it. This is what he does all the time😢

@robbiewooden5067 9 дней назад

So true

@lorinhumphreys9717 4 дня назад

My experience exactly.

@conniesagredo5316 5 дней назад

Yes

@groverachristiansen9645 10 дней назад

I look forward to a removal car , and it might not be I who need it. It is already almost ordered. Gro Vera.😅

@amelittaberretta9109 4 дня назад

😂he broke into my home twice, taking whatever he felt like. I was devastated as I,knew who the burgler was. Sadly, I live alone, no one was there for me after the two home invasions. No one gave a damn, not even the authorities. Since then he ghosted, stalcked and ridiculed me, knowing that no one cared, or believed me. I have been isolated by him, fearing to contact anyone. He won the game, my life has regressed to, total isolation and zero quality, of life. decades alone in fear, without Family and Friends. While he enjoys Family life , women, and precious Friends who support and advise him. and take pleasure in my fear and suffering of him.

@donnadavidson5027 День назад

Yes this all happen to me. I ASK GOD why I met and was tricked by a Narcissist. I wish I had never met them, it was the worst relationship I ever had.😢

@allisonpayne2097 4 дня назад

I just don’t understand why he has to be so mean to me,when I’ve been as nice to him as I can be😎

@TC-vq6yz 10 дней назад

Yeah, with both dogs now decreased, he has no one else that he wants to speak to and has started telling me to be quiet. To stop talking. Well, he hasn't spoken to me in about eight years already, so there's that.

@maryw4609 6 дней назад

❤❤❤❤thank you

@user-qt9or4xu9l 5 дней назад

Vacation go into damage control and come back act like nothing happened haha

@warehousejo007 7 дней назад

this was Niki....and ah didnt realize it until now. fucking great.

@janebraun4482 7 дней назад

Yes it is your fault when it goes wrong!

@KristinLewis-gg5yl 4 дня назад

Hi, also I believe that people have chemical addictions, that need to be in moderation, from coffee, pop, cigarettes. Metabolism, cancer, etc.. are at risk to health and as simple fixes ,might create mental health problems as well as physical problems. Chaos if not in control.

@KristinLewis-gg5yl День назад

Happy 4th of July! You do a professional job keeping us alert of dangers we do not need, from behavioral problems persons of the rude narcissist kinds. Enjoy this holiday of earned stripes, like Jesus Christ. Have your favorite treat like a sundae, or pie, hopefully you are breathing fresh air, and have plenty of fun persons to give you laughter as well.

@anitae 5 дней назад

What causes someone to be a narcissist?

@alohahawaiibeauty6915 45 минут назад

What do you do when your 19 year old is doing the narcissistic abuse to me the Mom, that she learned from her father my ex husband 😢

@stephenrobb7531 8 дней назад

Oh. You met my ex-wife 🤔

@celticdaughter 6 дней назад

My ex use to tell me he would respect me more if i stood up for my self. Show some back bone but the moment i did he would be absolutely terrible. Yelling getting physical.

@lockylique 3 дня назад

Its hé who have non, Thad why he telling u to have none.. so effed up.. really they flip flop everything. So nasty, shin up sweet

@carol-us4xn 5 дней назад

Too bad.

@dmcsunshine1 7 дней назад

Yuppp

@karenospina5558 8 дней назад

Right and everything is your fault

@JamesSmith-po6di 6 дней назад

Narcissist behavior needs help

@mightymouse1005 6 дней назад

You are ONLY on earth to be their servant

@maxinesimonelli7383 7 дней назад

So glad I'm out

@barbarabrennan1753 6 дней назад

Would you then say, they are misogynist. Women cannot be their equal.

@SurvivingNarcissism 6 дней назад

Many have that trait.

@shariffbrown4444 4 дня назад

Dam

@bernardwalden6884 4 дня назад

Me it's all my fault ... ALWAYS family 👎👎

@sandyhenry3238 9 дней назад

100%

@KristinLewis-gg5yl 4 дня назад

Share a true fact, that is sad, very pathetic. Story about a woman who was murdered for a bologna sandwich, while outdoors in a large city that does have crime often. Narcissist should apologize to society. Of course there are many other stories of crimes that are created by Narcissist (s).

@Nonfiction.Reader 9 дней назад

👍

@philfreeman5567 10 дней назад

The problem is, that term, "narcissist" is way over-used. Anybody that doesn't agree with you is now called one.

@CoCoFantastique 9 дней назад

I think a rational person can see the real patterns. the word Genius is being over used.

@mattmyers2624 6 дней назад

FML..

@mariaferrenberg6021 7 дней назад

,💯😕😢

@maryx100 10 дней назад

You must be talking about the 'little' mushroom guy.

@Maudiedrake 7 дней назад

I been listening to your videos. I'm not slandering nor giving any judgements. If people have the knowledge of OUR Lord and Savior Christ Jesus then they also can go to him in prayer about a situation. We All have a personal defective disorder in OUR life. I take the messages more on focusing on others and not self correcting. When WE ALL focus on OURSELVES wow, what a world WE can manage and live in!!

@SurvivingNarcissism 7 дней назад

The key word here is "if".