At The Core, Narcissists Are Con Artists 

I ended a relationship w a narcissist by saying " I have to be a whole person, so I cant see you any longer"

That’s what hurt the most…the soul mate fake

Even more disappointing and frustrating is watching these con artists achieve reputable and trusted positions so they can con more and more people! You can try to warn others, but be prepared for retaliation, shaming, or being shunned. I've found peace and regained my physical and mental health by starting over without them. When they try to worm their way back into my life, I completely ignore them. There is NO way I will go back to that toxic, chaotic mess!

I was gullible to those con artists. I learned the hard way how not to fall for their blatant tactics. 😖

It’s just a shell game from start to finish! The hero, martyr & bully are empty masks because inside is a toddler who’s insecure at best. Never having achieved separation from mother at the appropriate age, all narcissists begin by deceiving mommy. They learn to lie, hurt, exploit then manipulate others for power. Love of power ❤️‍🩹 over the power of love ♥️ so leave them in their playpens, which are really pigpens

Con artists and ungrateful, unloving backstabbers with reckless disregard for others.

I had a sister like this. She would sit with you, have a beer, chill, and then ask you a lot of phishing questions while pretending to open up about herself. She would then use this information to use against you, even twisting what was said for a gas lighting agenda. Sick people. They have NO true friends. They are posers.

To a narcissist, everything can, and should, be manipulated...and it's always to make themselves look good...always remember that

They will study you to learn everything about you and then use it against you.

Just because someone says they are "kind, caring, can be trusted, loyal" does not mean that is the case , not what is printed on the box is what is inside.

Pattern is the key. It takes time spent with the narcissist (s) to learn the pattern(s). Do not blame yourself or feel foolish,you are authentic with a big heart. The light 💡 is on. You will heal and grow stronger as you grasp what narcissism is. 🙏 ❤ 🫂 to all for we are worthy.❤❤❤

The narc in my life accused me of something that completely shocked me. Then hours later I realized that that’s exactly what she has done to me for decades! Such an ah-ha moment!

narcissist are the human version of an empty shell stay far away !!

I just wish I had known all this at least 35 years ago, while I was still young enough to build a totally new life for myself. At 81, I've had to give up a lot materially in order to have the peace of my and self respect I need to survive.

Hucksters, liars can appear very convincing by toying with your emotions, especially flattery mixed with fear mongering.

It's always about what's in it for them, while at the same time making you think it's all about you. Once you break free from the narcissist, they let you know in no uncertainties there is nothing there for you at all.

They roped us into the hope of what was to be. It's easier to let go of them, then the hope. We must be our own best hope.

Its exausting trying to get them to see how their behaviors disrespect you and a waste of your breath telling them how to love you right! Left my partner 4 weeks ago in person however i checked out emotionally months before. Now its getting through the grief of loosing something i didnt even have

Dr. Carter, I had a childhood friend who grew up to be a narcissist. He claimed to be a financial wizard, the top financial rep in his town with $1 million in assets and so on. Our arguments became more and more heated from his talking down to me, and I finally called him out on all his bullsht. It was like when Toto pulled back the curtain in “The Wizard of Oz” and exposed the Wizard for what he really was. At 62, nobody in his family wants anything to do with him. Everything was always someone else’s fault. He took me for nothing but a total fool. As much harm as these people do, they serve as an important life lesson. The narcissist gets you to thinking you need their approval because YOU are inferior, so you fail all over yourself trying to get this approval. That’s how they suck you into their mind games.

Believe in yourself

Sociopaths are con artists

In the past i got really angry at narcissistic types. But it's so difficult not to when you're so repulsed by degeneracy and immorality

They don’t care what anyone says to get their way. You can’t tell them much

It truly is an awakening of the soul once you realize these people exist, and truly act like this!

Narcissists are 100% delulu about who they are. It's the only way they can function (self-deception). Not only do I not play their game, I refuse to give them the privilege of engaging in conflict. I learned a long time ago that it is fruitless with all narcissists. Their horrifying passive aggression will get amped up if you ask them to do anything that doesn't benefit them.

Me ex hubby conned me into believing that he had a personality!!!

Have nothing to do with the chameleons and poisonous snakes the narcissists are. Thank you dr Carter ❤

9 months and 15 days no contact with the ex-husband. If you can afford it, hire a lawyer to handle communications. It's worth it. Ignore the gaslighting from "friends and family" that will come. Climb apathy mountain and camp peaceably. It's not easy, but makes it better.

I was definitely conned in the beginning of my relationship with the nex. Plus, I ignored huge red flags. The nex's behavior didn't change overnight. It was gradual. He also was an OTR truck driver and was gone a great deal of the time. But, once the rages began, the throwing stuff, punching holes in the walls, etc., the cat was out of the bag and it refused to go back in.

I just walked away from my pet narcissist again after being attacked in the middle of the night physically

Those that were taken. Be aware you weren’t aware of the game. After all you couldn’t fly an airplane without training.

In the heavily enmeshed family from which my husband came, led by a covert narc minister who successfully charmed the congregations of a number of churches, the con was a group effort trained in from toddlerhood. The family all performed their religious kabuki dance in public in which everyone knew his or her role and steps. Only when in private did the facade come down and the real monsters show their faces. I'm glad to say I never joined in with them but, thereby, earned the role as their primary scapegoat. There wasn't a square inch of flesh on my back that didn't have one of their knives in it.

At the core, narcissists are treacherous. Malignant narcissists are treacherous and treachery is not on a spectrum. Most people can't be treacherous and not be bothered by that treachery. Treachery definition: 1) Willful betrayal of fidelity, confidence, or trust; perfidy. 2) The act or an instance of such betrayal. 3) Violation of allegiance or of faith and confidence; treasonable or perfidious conduct; perfidy; treason.

Good morning, morning, evening--team healthy! Happy Saturday!!!

The biggest con man I've ever met is my ex-friend. Everyone around him likes his "presence" so I didn't realize it was "dark empathy." It took me decades to see through him. He failed in marriage twice and his first spouse ran away from home. 🏃‍♀💨💨🏠

I really thought my mother had empathy, but it was all a lie. She just used me and threw me away like I was nothing to her.💔

Hello Everyone ! Wishing you all a most wonderful day. Let's all try to be happy. Hugs to whomever needs one. God Bless Amen. 🙏🧡❤️💖 😟

I am old now. I have only just discovered about covert narcissists, through you tube, and realise these are the people I have had in my life all the time, from childhood. I am now on my own but others think it is because I am the awful one because I do not have anything to do with these people anymore including my own children, who turned out like their dad, a narcissist. Life feels very lonely.

Thank you Dr. C!! I always learn so much from you and your guests. Thank you so much for educating the public, because these sort of people deceive so many!! 🙌🥰🙏💪💯

The term Con Artist comes from Confidence.. They might look confident on the outside but this is where our logic and our feelings come into play.. That is why it is just an illusion..

I can't say that my sister is a narcissist, but I can say that she has consistent patterns of behavior that do seem to fit one. Even so, she's toxic and has been for much of her life. Today, she texted me after I had stated some boundaries and completely disregarded them in exchange for excuses. When I asked her, "Did you see where I talked about boundaries?" She got very defensive and completely dismissed them. I should have realized that this would be the result. I don't know what I was hoping for.

They are souless and of their father, the indwelt. People that willingly are compassionate, excuse making, enabling (hurt people hurt people) and willing to be complicit in the controlling of others are just as guilty.....A demon is a demon is a demon.

My N-ex conned her mother out of father’s (husband of mother) entire death benefit (life insurance policy payout) under the guise that I had caused her to be broke and homeless. Within a week of our finalized divorce, she married a wealthy older gentleman whose wife had recently passed. His loving and caring adult children now risk losing an inheritance to her. Our adult children watched as it all unfolded, and have gone NC with her. 🎼Can’t Buy Me Love 🎶 by the Beatles.

Patterns: After no contact for a while I’ve noticed my body/nervous system becomes alarmed (anxiety?) just about when he tries hoovering. I’ve dodged bullets because of this but lord the feeling makes me nauseous. This alone strengthens my resolve to never have contact again.

It is all falling apart. This decades long ‘family system’ is no more. It is over! Now, they scurry about, finding no rest. Go figure.

Thank you, Dr. Carter. I have a question. Is it common for narcissists to perceive relationships as more intimate than they really are? To clarify, let's say the narcissist knows someone who they perceive as a good friend but in reality, they barely know each other. My mom was notorious for doing this. She would meet neighbors on our block and act like they were family when she barely knew them. I never understood that.

It's exhausting emotionally psychologically draining what can eggshells watching every word and being careful not to get them angry or upset.

Just say no

The Con Artist is committed to betrayal , weak on the inside but projecting that weakness to anybody in front of them . My dad would say " talking to them is like talking to the wall "

He destroyed my mother, and when she died he walked away with my mother and father's estate. My anger sometimes overwhelms me.

Our SIL has totally isolated our daughter from family and friends

'You ain't seen nothing yet' till you've met a financial adviser , con artist off the charts! liars , deceivers.... Everything you just said.

Gus is a good ole boy. My blood pressure is measurably lower when I see him.

How to heal from being a rescuer? - Here are four tips that can help you if you recognize the rescuer tendency; you are trying to be the White Knight for others. - Heal your core wounds and take back the control over your own life. ... - Learn the difference between support and rescue. ... - Give yourself time. ... - Start loving and respecting yourself.

Make boundaries for yourself, I don't have ears, I stay away as much as possible, I won't react, I don't accept affection. After so many decades I realized this is what I married. Now he's had a stroke but I still hang onto my boundaries.

OH DR.C…..SOOOOOO TRUE. Thank you so much again for your. IDEO. I see Gus prefers the couch instead of his blanket today. Hugs to Gus. From Cynthia in JANESVILLE, WI

Trust Patterns Respect 💞

They also might play that they need a hero or rescuer and flatter you into their circle that way. You'll end up just doing dirty work on their behalf, together with the ones who think that the narcissist is their hero or rescuer.

So true, Dr C. They are so good at their game so that you don't see it until the end. When you call them out on it in the most simple way then ... pooff(!) ... they are gone. At first it's staggering but after digesting the 'con' then all you can think is "good riddance". Gosh, what a poor and uninspiring way to be. Best away from all of the drama they cause and create. As you always say Dr C, there's so, so much more that can be gained from a more peaceful way of life. A 'pretending' person is, after all, not a person.

This is an incredibly accurate description of my narcissist : fake, manipulative, cunning, back-stabbing, lying, deceiving, cheating, obsessively controlling, promiscuous, and physically violent (even to his own wife and children) to name but a few of the traits that I experienced with my narc. His own daughter described him as “filthy scum”. I only wish that I had known about narcissism many years ago, because I would have taken the right steps to stop him much sooner. The right step was to separate myself from him completely, which however was not easy as he was my wife’s brother-in-law, and our next door neighbour.. not easy, but WORTH IT !!! My advice to anyone involved with a narcissist : get him/her OUT of your life !!! Completely and utterly !!!

When anything begins as seeming ‘too good and generous to be true’…it will very likely end in ‘too coercive and diabolical to believe’. What has the power to ‘sweep us off our feet’…also has the power to ‘knock us on our ass’. Never give anyone…that much power. 🚩

Creating chaos, then crying how the family dynamic is not normal. No, it is not, we all grew up damaged. The only one we can “fix” is ourselves.

I call it the "You, too! Me Too!" tactic used by Narcs. They've mastered it.

Posing is their favorite hobby. These folks observe themselves as if they’re watching their favorite tv show.

God bless you for your wisdom and generosity of spirit. You have no doubt saved the lives of You tubers lucky enough to have discovered you. Thank you a thousandfold💜☮✝

I have a narcissistic father and I have made the fatal mistake or flaw of trying to reason with him no matter how terrifying it was. I have tried so hard to beg him with tears to just stop and think about how he makes my mom and I feel and there's just nothing.. he gets defensive and can never admit his wrongs or change.. I've given up and its so hard to not be so bitter against him. There's no love..what kind of father can watch his daughter and wife cry because of him and not even attempt to be better. There's just no love there. Thank you for these videos.. you explain these things so well and looking back I wish I could've found videos like these sooner!

This is sad that these con artist are reputable personal. Thank you Dr C for the ongoing support through your podcast. ❤

Gus decided to rebel and not sleep on his blanket 😮

It means you can't trust anyone at all. Not anyone. They are so evil and sick. 😢

Staying true to who you are ❤️. Working on that now💝

There's no point in trying to warn anyone about the narc. Few, if any, will believe you because you're the ex-spouse or ex-friend or estranged from the narc and they see you as bitter. I just try not to interact with the narc any more than absolutely necessary. I also try to keep it in the forefront of my mind that there is literally nothing I can do about their behavior except avoid them. And it's not really personal. When you see other people who have been victimized by the narc, when you see the patterns, it becomes clear. A snake behaves like a snake. You had the bad luck to be the innocent bunny or frog that the snake crossed paths with and tried to consume. If not you, it would be someone else. It's easier said than done, but just move on. Whatever they took from you is gone. You won't recover it. Count your lucky stars you survived.

I needed to know this 40years ago. But then I wouldn't have had my 4 children and two grandchildren.

Screamers; my mom & I, between me being 12 to 20, never had a non-public conversation that screaming, on her part, wasn't involved. Being an only child I was stuck taking care of her till she was 92. After my wife died she got worse, back to treating me like an idiot teenager, asking if I washed my clothes, washed my dishes, cleaned the house; everything she called me PW because I did them while my wife was going through cancer treatment. She believed the only way I could function was a woman had to tell me everything to do; never mind I had a BS degree, had run successful businesses, had a good life going, but I wasn't an accountant like she demanded so I was a failure to every one who would listen to her. Actually had people from where went to church offer funancial assistance because thry didn't want me to lose my home, was never late on a payment, just mom telling them I was. There are hours of stories; good friend said I was the only person she knew could spend a day with their mom and have an hour of good standup material. Had to find the humor in it or I'd been even more depressed and dispondent.

Wow thank you so much Dr Carter. I just love listening to you and your advice is balm on my wounds when I’ve been through the Hoover discard ringer. I’m a big fan sir

Dr.C. You have been such an enormous help in my recovery from a 10 year relationship, marriage and ultimate divorce from someone with a covert narcissistic personality. It’s been nearly a year since I moved out, you were impacting me before that, helping me to see reality so I couldn’t excuse or explain it away anymore. I just want to thank you for sharing information that I desperately needed to begin this healing process. I know there are untold others who surely feel the same. You’ve been a blessing for me. Thank you.

Seven years after my divorce, I realize I basically married my narc sister. I was so conditioned (forced) to accept her behaviour towards me growing up (I was the youngest), that I had no red flags come up when I met my husband. Ironically, both professed to dislike each other. But now, looking back on it all, I see how much the two of them were alike. They should marry each other. Wouldn't that be fun?

Dr. Carter, you are so insightful about this type of person, and your advice about how to deal with it has been very helpful to me. Thank you for making these videos, even in retirement. My mother has poisoned our family with her covertly malicious narcissism for my entire life. When I heard your book's title it struck a sad cord with me... I know from experience that this kind of toxic energy, if you live with it every day, can be literally carcinogenic. My kind-hearted, peacemaker of a father learned that fact too late to save himself. He has found his peace in the afterlife, but there are other ways to find peace as you are teaching us. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for your help. With respect and gratitude, ♥️

You know it's an extra good video when it feels like Dr C was there watching it all unfold.

They use there kids too especially if they know you are a good person,I don't mind helping but I remember my ex NARC ask me to bring his kids french fries from McDonald's I took them over there he met me outside his house said Thank you took the Bag and walked off,I thought I was going to visit him for a while,I felt so degraded and used

I think the only thing you can do with a narcissist is to break the spell and have no karmic attachments. Find your in dependence and say good bye.

Trying to train a horse to bark.... YES!!

Oh my gosh! This is really on point! That’s what I say about my ex. He was a con man. He lied, cheated, and stole. I think his deception is what has bothered me for years. He acted like he loved me, but he was really planning on my discard and draining all of our financial accounts.

Narcissism is easy to understand. I happen to be one. Here's my story: I am a king. It’s a small kingdom, but make no mistake, I am its king. I work hard to justify this role, but that is not why I am king. I was born a king. Divine Appointment. Many aspects of being a king are difficult to explain but some are simple. First, I am to be obeyed immediately, without question. Insubordination will not be tolerated. I don’t care what you think, or mutter under your breath, so long as you quickly comply with my demands. If not, there will be swift and severe consequences. It is not easy being king. There are many in my kingdom, dare I say most, who resent my authority. I deal with them with an iron fist and they quickly realize it is my way or the highway. This is as it should be since a kingdom depends on the reliable and subservient work of its inhabitants and therefore must be regularly purged of dissidents and rebels. There are those who question my decisions from time to time. I love them but puzzle over how stupid they are. Occasionally, out of boredom or for entertainment, I listen to their opinions and complaints, but the result is always the same: I am right and they are wrong. I am the king, appointed by God and given sufficient wisdom and power to control, discipline, and direct the behaviors of those under my authority. Why would God make me king if I did not have the wisdom to do the job? Sometimes a city dweller will come to me with a petition, a concern of some kind. Usually something to do with working conditions or freedoms. Most of the time I have no idea what they are talking about, so I just tell them to get back to work while suggesting they think about unemployment and incarceration. That usually sobers them up. Believe it or not, some have confronted me with accusations such as, “You think you are a king with absolute power!” I say, “Well, duhh.” That infuriates them. Others ask if it is lonely at the top, being king. I tell them there is no top or bottom, it is just me. Loneliness means nothing to me. I occupy my position because God gave it to me. I know no other position, and cannot comprehend what life might be like to be a typical denizen of my kingdom. God gave me the power to rule, but did not give me empathy. Empathy would cloud my thinking and impede my ability to make difficult decisions. While punishing the disobedient, I reward the compliant. I see it all the time. People come to me with praise and adoration. I see right through their attempts to manipulate me, but I enjoy it. This just convinces me how pathetic and depraved the people are. They tell me what I already know about myself while confirming my opinion of them. My kingdom seems to be diminishing over time. This is because the people are stupid and I have been too lenient. I suspect, in the end, I will be a kingdom of one, but I will always be a king. That is my destiny.

I know this is kind of random, but have any of you noticed they change their tone of voice? Silly, I know, but the person I co-habitat (married to would be too generous) with speaks to me in a whiny high pitch voice, while when he's in public he speaks with a mature lower toned voice. It's quite bizarre. Is this a demonstration of that chameleon, masking, fake behavior?

No one thinks they're going to be conned at the dental surgery, I was conned by both men, one has been failed, but he didn't just fail me he blatantly lied in writing. Both men are in court and I've been waiting 8 years for a bone graft. Both lied.

Thank you for mentioning the dark empath!That is a tricky one, because most lists of narcissistic traits include a lack of empathy. This is not the case with dark empaths at all!

In passing I mentioned to a colleague that I was a recovering alcoholic. I had been sober for five years and the company I worked for at that time could not be more supportive. Since I went into treatment, I suspect that everyone eventually found out but again, everyone was supportive. This colleague I spoke about was at a new job I had taken. He cautioned me not to mention it to any one. I was perplexed. I asked why. He said it could be used against me. I realize now this was "ammunition" which he could and did use against me when we had differences of opinion on issues.

So very true!

Absolutely tremendous DR Le's, Thank you so much for this, These 2 Attach themselves to these groups, Quite revenge and competition , Triangulation, Manipulation, Influencing, No puppet on a string, Peace, love and respect to you, Gus and everyone, Thank you universe, All glory to the most high :-)

5:42 …. This is exactly what my ex wife would say is verbal abuse. When in conversation I would catch her lying to me and my voice would get louder because it just hurt and was getting me angry. Obviously I understand I am responsible for my actions but it does hurt knowing that the person you loved was not trusting.

My wasband could nag the leg off a chair. I'd finally say Fine, whatEVER.

Thank you for this. It's so helpful to understand what has been and is going on with my family. I'm 65 today and still stuggling to understand my parents and brother.

You hit the nail on the head. Everything you said accurately describes my narc ex. Everything!! 😊

My covert narc mom is a complete con artist. She's almost 70 and posts pictures on dating profiles like she's 25, then shames other men who use 5-10 year-old pictures. LOL! She's a gold-digger and projects that behavior onto other women she knows nothing about. Pretends she's into "smart, accomplished men." Been doing it for almost 50 years. Always fishing around for people's financial information. A complete know-nothing know-it-all.

They have a Norman Bates personality!

My birth mother was one. It was devastating.

How about this one. “I don’t want to be your mother, I want to be your wife”

I can’t wait for this one!

After 31 yrs, I can’t believe a word he’s saying to me even though he’s been going to a therapist for a few months and working on himself and saying he’s been wrong, is this all a scam also to try and keep me here, he knows I’m planning to separate ?

Could you do a video on narcissistic parents please