How Often Should We Have Sex? 

When suffering depression, my Mom told me that the one thing she knows about depression is that IT LIES. Best advice ever!

Austin, I don’t even know you brother, but my world would not be better without you. Your phone call made me reach out to my battle buddies just to check on them. Your vulnerability moved a stranger to action. Your story didn’t end on the battlefield because it’s still being written. You hold the pen my friend.

The guy in the military absolutely broke my heart. I pray he gets the help he needs.

The pressure makes it such a chore. Then the anger starts and it destroys the relationship.

My 1st marriage of 14 years was a nightmare, intimacy included. After we married, he told me what he liked (huge kink in cross dressing and him being humiliated, which I found out later down the road), after he was finished explaining to me what he liked, I spoke up about what I liked. He called me vanilla, said what I wanted was boring and said, "I will never have intimacy like that." 😢 This broke me and due to church teachings, I didn't realize I had a choice, I HAD to submit to what my then husband wanted....which led me to be used like a doll. The whole thing was traumatizing. I was coerced over and over again because I didn't think I had the right to say NO. After the first 6 years of this, he started watching more corn and stopped initiating. That last stint of our marriage we'd been intimate about 4 times, in 7 years. When I'd break down to him and tell him how important this was for me and us, he said "intimacy isn't that big a deal" and then called me an animal because of my drive going way up in my 30's. Do you have any idea how it feels to not want to be with your husband (because of how he uses you) but at the same time being in desperate need for connection?? It was horrible. Intimacy is sooooo much more than the bedroom. It's in how you look at one another, touching, kissing, long and deep conversations, helping one another around the house, doing fun things together, etc. I was hardly kissed or touched in 14 years, even DURING intimacy. 😢 My heart shatters for anyone who's struggling in the bedroom. It's not easy but it CAN get better~ IF both parties come to the table and work on it ❤ it can't be just one of you. Bravo to this couple for both calling into the show!!!

I know this feeling. Second caller had another grown man sitting his truck crying. Be strong brother.

The 2nd caller 😭😭😭😭 I was crying the whole time. I wish more than anything this was my brother calling. My baby bro got med sep from Marines and took his own life within a year. He tried to get help thru the military but they kept pushing him off. If this caller reads this THANK YOU for calling & I hope and pray you do what John says and go talk to a therapist. And get into a group of veterans to do life with. Living a life of service even if you don’t do it in a marriage is worth it to continue to live. YOU are worth it. ❤

My first wife left me after 15 years of marriage. And I still got remarried several years later… not because marriage is easy, but because it is worth it. The second time around is. Better than the first, because I am a better man, a better husband, a better father. And I still love my ex, it’s just a different love. It’s not romantic, it does not compete with the love I have for my wife. Having a spouse, having kids is worth it!

They are so young in their marriage. This could definitely be worked out! Im sure it took over a year for me to really warm up and for my husband to mature and learn my needs- heck I didn’t even know them!!! 14 years in and we are still SO happy in the sex department. Now with two babies, it can be tricky. There are ebbs and flows but you have to keep the spark alive. Tips for her: -Early in the day decide that he is gonna get it later (Don’t tell him unless you 100% can follow through). lol It all starts in our mind. We are a slow cooker. -Think of yourself as a sexual being in general, it’s your need too. -Consider other types of acts if you really aren’t feeling intercourse -Consider the length of time he has gone without. Is it a reasonable length of time for your marriage? Find out what that time frame is. Meet in the middle. -Never fake an O. No one is learning anything at that point. Tips for both: -Playfully kissing and touching in passing throughout the day helps. -FLIRT! -Communicate! Even in midact, “Is this okay, want to be on top? (or whatever usually works to get them off)” Show you care about the other person’s experience. Tip for Him: -DONT stop when you ahem…. Go off. Tough it out soldier. You have a job to do. 🫡 -If she isn’t able to do the same, listen to her. This communication can be nonverbal, a tap on the shoulder. And don’t pressure her to… uh also go off. Total mood killer. -Learn her type of foreplay. That could be going to bed with a clean kitchen and living room, or talking and connecting for an hour, to other types of touching. -Afterwards be loving. Cuddle. Or tell her that was amazing. Positive affirmations. I appreciate you. Just a few things off the top of my head. Good luck folks!! 😂

- Contraceptives, diabetic meds and anti-depressants lowers a womans sex drive. - Menopause also lowers a womans sex drive. - 70% of women lose their sex drive after giving birth, but it is rarely talked about. Some women regain their sex drive a few months or a few years after giving birth, but its not as strong as it use to be. - Some women lose their sex drive permanently after multiple pregnancies. - Alot of couples are sexually incompatible and this will allways cause problems. - Fatigue, resentment, no foreplay, lack of emotional intimacy is also a turn off. - When you marry for convenience, safety and security and you are not sexually or romantically attracted to your partner, sex will eventually stop because it will become harder and harder to pretend and to force yourself to have sex with that person.

My heart is so heavy for the soldier. I pray he gets help. HE IS SO WORTHY!!! I hope we can get a update on him.

Such a great take on the "my love language is physical touch = I need sex". So many men make that declaration. So many women go decades never enjoying intimacy because of it. I have a client that did their marriage counseling with the Author of that book....to put it mildly, it doesn't work out well long term to pigeon hole your partner into fulfilling your "need". The sex topic is so necessary. Intimacy shouldn't happen *TO* someone.

Austin I know your pain! I served in the Army for 5 years and was medically discharged in 2021 as well. I’ve felt very lost since leaving the military and I feel purposeless and unimportant in my day to day life. I know EXACTLY how you feel! I was up so high for so long and then it came crashing down. It’s really difficult when you go from achieving so many great things to being discarded and feeling like you’re not doing enough. You are not alone in this and you deserve to be here! I really felt like you expressed perfectly everything I’ve been feeling the last 3 years. My heart breaks for you because I know this pain all too well💔 please keep pushing through you are so valued and you are important! There’s a lot of resources for veterans that can really help you!

I really feel for the husband of the first caller. It's so hard to be the spouse that's getting rejected sexually. It really undermines your self worth. Trying not to pressure the other person but at the same time thinking "Why don't they desire me the way I desire them?" It's a sad place to be. I hope they're able to work it out in the long run. Edited to add: Turns out my ex was cheating on me with multiple women for several months. So now we know the rest of the story -- ladies, if he ain't gettin' it from you, he's gonna get it somewhere!

Totally, my life is better because of my marriage too, 14 yrs later and never been so satisfied or happy. Kids just drew us closer too, never could have thought my heart could be so full.

Austin in the military. You are loved and we need you in this world. You are not lost and you are worthy…I don’t know how to hug you. You don’t have to outdo your grandfather. I pray someone to be a mate or a community for you and shows you have purpose. I so want your voice to change and there be joy for you. Do not hang your head. Prayers for you.❤❤❤

When Austin said he wasn't suicidal but he did think the world would be better off without him I was like dude that's almost the same thing!

Thank you for explaining the “need” / “want” explanation 😊! Makes sooooo much sense !! I needed this so much ! Desire is what we all want !

Austin, I just want you to know you sharing and what you shared had me crying....because I've felt these very things as well~ minus the dying in battle. I have felt, my whole life, like I'm a burden, worth so little, I've always felt like a bigger to everyone around me. These tapes in my mind played over and over and over again to the point that I believed it was truth. I'm in trauma therapy to walk through my childhood trauma and being abused by an ex for 14 years. It's hard work but YOU are witty this! We all are ❤ I am remarried to an amazing man who treats me better than anyone I've ever met. He sees me, he hears me, and he's been through his own trauma from childhood and a past marriage so we can relate to one another and support each other as we each turn inward and heal. You CAN do this, brother. We all believe in you! You _matter._ Your life is worth SO much. This world would be missing something huge if you left us or weren't born. Sending good vibes and prayers your way ❤

I hope you see this comment but one thing I love about you John is that you don’t waste time on your show you don’t waste your viewers time or your callers time or your own. You respect people by valuing time. And I appreciate that very much.

My heart goes out to Austin. I hope Austin knows we need him here and I hope he gets the help he needs. We all need help from time to time. Don’t let your internal stories/lies ruin your life. You deserve to be happy with a great life. Do not limit yourself. Be brave and dream greatly. Sending prayers to open your heart. 🙏

I love the difference between husband needing or wanting his wife!! Good stuff there. There it was at the end of the call- Elizabeth is in flight or freeze. I’d say she grew up in a house with controlling parents. That’s why she’s so worried about what her husband wants. Elizabeth has no idea what she wants.

Expecting sex on demand with zero meaningful contact in between is counter productive.

As a fellow veteran, Austin I see you. I hear you. The pain you feel is so heavy. Please stay with us because it gets better. I’ve been out almost three years now and it took the end of 2 years to craw out of that whole. But I can BREATHE now. Please, please, embark on this path of discovering your new purpose. You’re worth it brother.

People weaponize "love languages"

This is one of the best talk I've listened to about marriage and sex. Good job Dr. Deloney and the whole team for your hard work.

Would men have sex if they never finished? Why would women?

Look. Eros is fine and dandy. Partners knowing what they want is fine and dandy. But sex doesn't start in the bedroom. It's about connection outside the bedroom - more than sharing values, goals, bills, chores, and kids. It's not just anxiety that's a mood killer; try exhaustion. Both 'need' and 'want' are focused on the self, not the partnership or the partner. Maybe I've not listened all the way through and it's ultimately mentioned, but I think both men and women want to be seen, appreciated and wooed. "Want" is certainly part of that, but it's not all of that. A giving heart, without expectation or demand, is a powerful, erotic thing.

Need to have romance & intimate connections throughout the day . . those little touches/hugs etc that build physical And emotional intimacy & desire that builds feeling loved/desired in All ways . .

Austin you are absolutely worthy of all the things!!!!! Dr D. Has been amazing for me as well. ❤ my nephews are in the military and wouldn’t ever want them to feel life would be better without them. You have an amazing life to still LIVE. ❤ your grandfather sounds amazing. Listen to Dr D. He is real and he can be the kick in the booty you need. I just read the Non anxious life and I just figured out I’m worth loving. I’m an old lady, if I can do it, you can do it!!!! Adding you to my list of people I pray for, along with my nephews. ❤❤

I heard the phrase about wanting and needing before. But the why and how by Dr. John makes the puzzle become clear. Great job !

One of your shorts came up on my feed and I've been addicted to your show since !

I am the one getting rejected, and it is absolutely awful. It hurts so much every single time even when I try to have ZERO expectations of anything happening... Somewhere inside there is a tiny bit of hope there that he might feel like doing something, and when we get to the point where I realize there isn't any chance or possibility that we could do anything before I have to go to work, or before he has to go to work etc, it just gets me so upset and angry and hurt. I don't lash out at him but I do end up crying usually to myself hidden from him. I've gone to him multiple times we have had discussions and fights and it just doesn't fix anything. I'm so beyond tired of trying so hard just to get something that so many other people take for granted. I have compromised completely with him on everything, I've made all of the concessions and changes to my schedule and I'm the one who goes without sleep before work just to be able to stay up all night and spend time with him because that is the only time we are home together (he is off Monday and Tuesday. Normally works nights, I work days and I'm off on the weekend. He gets home at 6am. I leave at 730am. I also have kids to get ready and house to take care of. I get off work at 7pm and he LEAVES for work at 730pm. He sleeps during the day and I sleep at night. To sum it up we see each other in passing for about 1 hour a day, during the week. On his two days off, he sleeps during the day like normal but stays awake at night so even though I have to work Tuesday and Wednesday mornings, I will stay up all night from when I get home at 7pm on Monday night until it's time to go back to work in the morning. We hang out but no matter what I do or how hard I try, it never leads to sex. We have had detailed discussions, he once in a while says he will try but mostly claims he doesn't want to schedule sex OR use pills OR do anything like watch porn or whatever to get himself in the mood, OR to let me get him in the mood... He just wants to basically magically get in the mood and get hard magically and have it be natural and organic. Well... That never happens. And since he won't let me try anything to get him in the mood, we are at a stale mate. I have told him fine if he can't have sex whatever I guess at this point I just need some form of connection physically with him because I just don't feel like he wants me anymore. If he does he sure isn't showing me. I still desire and want Him even after 13 yrs of being together. I've told him we can do other stuff if sex isn't going to work... Literally any kind of foreplay or even rubbing each other's backs etc but he won't do anything. Hasn't even tried. It makes me so incredibly sad, and had really begun to have a detrimental effect on my already fragile self confidence, has me questioning everything and has me feeling disgusting and ugly and like everything must be wrong with me because the ONE person I love that is my partner and says they love ME, and who is the one person in this world that should desire and want me and who is the person I desire and want more than any other... He just doesn't want me at all. .. why ? And how can we fix it? When we were younger, he was the one who was more sexually active, he even says it bordered on addiction. He has a bigger past but it doesn't bother me other than that he was always doing it before when he was younger and not with me, but once we got together 13 years ago, it's like it completely slowed down to a trickle and now shut off. We weren't even sleeping in the same room for a few years up until a few months ago. We were living like roommates and I said enough and I want to fight for my boyfriend and fight for my relationship before it is too late. After Years of no contact, and some other issues, I just can't keep doing this. I want this to work out so much. I'm willing to do therapy, counselling, talking, trying other things, pretty much anything......but HE doesn't seem willing to put the effort in. I know you're all thinking that he must be cheating or not love me or be done with me or unattracted to me... Trust me if you can think it I have already THOUGHT IT and gone down that worm hole in my own head. I've given him am out. Multiple outs. He won't take them. He says he doesn't want to split up. Claims he is still into me. Says he loves me daily. So yeah. I don't know. I just wish there was something that would work for us. I'm sure there IS but he has to WANT it to work and be willing to try and I'm not sure he is.

This is such a wholesome piece of advice that every couple should hear!

To the person who said “the pressure makes it such a chore”. Please apply this logic to everything. The pressure of you wanting x, y and z but no longer desiring the things that lead you to having x y and z is super irritating.

Many men don't ask what women want because if the answer competes with what they want, they want to pretend like they didn't know. If they ask it has to be fixed.

I'm a christian myself but the dogma around sex I believe has really hurt christian couples.

This popped into my head because I experienced this - for the first caller, consider that if you are on prescription meds or non prescription meds/drugs that can drastically impact your sex life/sex drive… antidepressants, benzo’s, any and all medication think about. Before menopause(and hopefully after), women should have sexual desire at least sometimes, it’s not wrong and good for your marriage. Plus it will make you happier. :) And maybe the husband isn’t really rocking her world in the bedroom.. that can also affect desire.

Ty for the episode!

This is 100000% eye opening and true. My favorite call from John delony ever.

*married for 10 years previously; divorced for 8, now in a new commited relationship* I have come to realize that i was incredibly eager to married my ex-husband not because of the love we shared but for thr vanity of wanting to get married. Not that i didn't love him and want to share my life with him but the idea of being married was stronger at that time. The world is constantly in a marathon heading nowhere bc we are being drilled to constantly be on high alert. If i would have known then ehat i know now, i would have waited. My new relationship is the complete opposite of my marriage and to be honest, i think if my bf noe proposed to me, I'd be satisfied with just that. A paper does not defy your love. Now as far as sex, we dont have sex as often as i would like bc of work schedules, children, and being tired, but we find thr time when we can. Sex doesnt make a relationship, but it is a big part of intimacy..

Minute 42:42: "I have less sleep, less money less time, and everything is better.." That made me so teary! Yes Dr. John. Yes. Great calls.

Dear Austin, your story has made a huge impact on me. My life is better now because of it so dont you ever tell yourself that this world is better off witbout you. I wanna buy this guy a beer, cheers buddy ❤

“Responsive desire. Not “passion,” not “spark,” but pleasure, trust, & mutuality. That’s the fundamental empirical reason to center pleasure over spark.” Another great Emily Nagoski 📚 ~Come Together: The Science (& Art!) of Creating Lasting Sexual Connections

Maybe you should do a show/ interview with Emily nagoski...

The comment "its hard to be sexual when you are trying not to die" it is a great way to put it. Thank you for putting this content out brother! Appreciate you!

When it comes to dopamine, I look for quality not quantity. Quantity will only lead to an addiction that you can't feed and will ultimately destroy you.

Can’t believe John didn’t ask that first couple how often they have sex and when they do how does she feel? Does she enjoy it? Hate it? Did they have sex a lot before marriage? Like basic questions here….

Exactly! Need, versus desire and want.

Austin I love you and know you are worth it! You are worth living, loving and being here with us! Please work with a professional! Hugs from an internet mom who thinks you are amazing! Thank you for your service son. ❤

What do you do when your partner doesn’t see the disparity as a problem. I told him I want him to want to want me , because if he at least wants to make things better he’d work at it.

Dr.John Delony!

3 of the best episodes.

EXCELLENT counsel! Sadly, many people missed the nuances of the first conversation people paying attention, men who pay attention can transform their marriage and sex life. 👩‍❤️‍👨

In marriage your sex life ebs and flows. Sometimes it's several times a week other times months can go by but that's totally normal depending on where you are in life

I was a virgin until age 20 and had hardly any experience with women throughout high school, but I had sexual interest and knew what I was interested in at a basic level. Lost my virginity to another virgin but by the time we had sex, we’d already had conversations and knew about the level of sexual interest we had. The fact that they dated for a while before marriage and never discussed this is their first mistake. The fact that this is happening only a year into their sex life says to me that she either has an extremely low libido in general and they didn’t communicate at all, or she’s unattracted to him specifically and she basically lied before they were married. Sucks for the both of them that they’re in this spot and John’s advice is good but this is why you need to vet your potential spouse. If the problem is that the husband isn’t desired or is just bad at sex, that’s workable. Almost anyone can become more desirable and everyone can become better at sex. But if the wife has been walking around for her 25+ years with no sense of arousal, she’s more than likely always going to have a significantly incompatible libido to his and will either have to do the “chore” more or have a miserable husband, bottom line

Thank you for your service . We all need you in order to out of the military!🇺🇸❤️🙏

Dr. D, why don’t you ever ask these women if they’ve had an orgasm? Honestly, if this is their first time having sex they likely haven’t and the that’s the reason why they don’t desire sex. I haven’t read the book you recommend, so maybe the book addresses that. 😊 Love the show!

If a woman (or man) is saying she has NO desires for sex, to the point it's not even a thought. On a list of 10...it's a 20. Chances are that relationship is doom. I guess they can do the song and dance for a few years until it ends. But more than likely its downhill from here.

Elizabeth if you had trauma in your childhood & think it's attributing or possibly attributing to the anxiety, check out the Crappy Childhood Fairy, she is a God send!❤️

This has been such an affirming and happy episode with that couple so far. Is it A-sleep or 8 sleep? Also, if you can't sleep, you're not tired enough. Any time I couldn't sleep when I was a kid, my dad made me run hills until I collapsed, then made me get up and do it until I collapsed at least 2 more times and then if I could still make it up the porch stairs then I had to run more hills. Only when I was so exhausted that I couldn't even get in the house, did it end, and he'd leave me in the yard for the night. That'll cure yer insomnia. No one ever says, you have insomnia because you're not tired enough anymore.

If you have to ask…

Why didn’t he ask the frequency at which he’s asking for sex? If it’s once a week then that is NOT a crazy request. If he’s ALWAYS the one initiating then it will start to affect him thinking she is no longer attracted to him. If he’s always initiating and she turns him down more often than not then this is 100% on her.

This is something couples need to discuss openly and bluntly. When you're dating, you need to make sure you both are sexually compatible along with other compatibilities. Some people just have weak sex drives, and that's okay, but you will have marital issues if you marry someone who has a stronger drive. It's just the truth.

BRILLIANT!!!

I think in situations like this husbands and wives need to be honest with themselves. Yes, husbands can be blind to the way they treat their wives which can affect intimacy, but women also need to be aware of their part as well. Men are wired differently. It is not fair to deny them constantly. My husband and I have had hard conversations about the way we treat each other. And communicated what we need and want. I had to be honest with myself and realize I was being selfish. Our intimacy is the best it's ever been. Women need that connection just as much as men! It's not healthy to continue to deprive each other. Be it emotional or physical.

Try dancing with her. It’s bound to make her laugh and awaken that excitement in her. Learn to spin her. It’s silly but I literally can’t keep myself from smiling when my husband dances with me. 😊

These videos make me so glad that my girl and I do it everyday. Sometimes twice or even more lol. Intimacy is important dude, it cannot be undermined.

Watching from FINLAND 😊🎉

I wonder if since this is his 2nd marriage if she is comparing herself in bed to the first wife, wondering if she measures up. Honestly it would probably cross my mind as a 2nd wife.

If any woman says sex is priority 20 out of a top 10 list, you better reconsider your relationship long term goals with that person.

Austin sounds like such an amazing person

Good episode. John smashed.

i wish my husband was interested in intimacy from the get go. i understand it’s not the same as their situation, but i felt the “desire/want/love” etc for him and was rejected in favor of his secret DIY sex life. i wasn’t enough in his eyes and i knew it, but he just brushed it off blaming it on low libido…it was actually through the roof, just not for me. it’s taken a long time to learn how to not take it personally anymore. i’m not unattractive by any means. it really truly messed me up.

I think I've read every comment (initial post and replies and rebuttals to the replies). I found 1 theme, i.e. A wife is for sex. And there lies the problem. Then the caller said, "His love language is quality time and physical touch. What's more quality time and physical touch than having sex with your wife?" Bless his heart. He has no idea how insulting that is. Like, you guys only see us as a means to your end. We're just 🐈‍⬛ and nothing else.

I'm with Kelly. It's one weekend; she can plan a time to hang out with a friend or do something fun by herself.

10/10 episode

I think it's so sad how marriage and having children isn't considered a good thing anymore. I love being a wife and mother. I wish others would get joy from it as well. I know certain medications messed with with a person's see drive. Also, a hormonal imbalance can as well. I wish them luck!

🎉great question ❤ commenting for a friend 😅 🤣 🤪 😂 This is about as PG a comment as I can leave about this. 🥂 🍻

May I please ask the name of the Emily Nagoski's book? If anyone knows... Thank you.

I use to be super hormonal and want sex everyday 24/7 but after getting with my girlfriend of almost 3 years now I’ve grown so much as a person and realized sex isn’t everything in a relationship because she brings so much more forward. I’ve come to understand that she’s been through so much when she was younger and that I need to be there 100% to make her comfortable enough to open up to me in that way. I love her so much and am willing to take the once a month sex to have a happy healthy relationship with someone who loves me more than anyone.

The question is, when she does have sex with her husband does she reach an orgasm. Does she know the erogenous parts of her body? Surprisingly, many women do not know. She is responsible for reaching climax and she must teach her husband how he can contribute. Even though a couple may be married it does not mean that she is reaching climax. I know of a case of a man who was engaged to marry someone who had been married previously and had two kids. One day he was having sex with her and suddenly she started shaking and screaming while being intimate. She exclaimed "what was that"!! He was puzzled but she had just had her first orgasm.

Austin needs much more help than this call 📞

The difference between I have to, and I get to.

Can you make the questions for humanity cards bilingual, like English and Spanish?? 🙏🏼 Please, cause my BF and I have different native languages and we can't use the cards in just English or Spanish.

I have the opposite problem, my husband rarely wants to have sex 😔

I think this is where meeting in the middle definitely needs to occur in every marriage if they want to remain happily married. If one is fine with just once per week and the other would like it to be almost every day, then I think about 3 days per week on average would be a good compromise for both.

I want my wife and I to be on this show and help us figureout why we have zero intimacy. Fight all the time but can't seem to follow through with the divorce that is always threatened mostly by her when I attempt to enforce boundaries

Every day even if you have to force yourself for the few minutes. Once engagement happens walls fall and youll feel connected again. As long as you dont loathe the ground they walk on.

The love languages book has lead to more divorces of strong couples I’ve ever seen.

The wife who never thinks of sex, should ask herself: Am I asexual? Do I need assistance learning to orgasm or have more fulfilling sex? Do I have unresolved trauma or shame around sex, or my sexual abilities?

The problem with purity culture is that sexual compatibility is a huge indicator of marital success. People need to at least be having the conversation of what turns them on and how often they want sexual intimacy before marriage so both spouses know what they are getting into before they tie themselves together in monogamy for life. The problem is, of course, a person who has no experience with sexual intimacy has no idea if they enjoy it or not and the other partner - in this case who has been intimate previously - has unmatched expectations and frustration in a major area of the marriage. I think this woman is just inexperienced and means well instead of being frigid and controlling but is causing psychological trauma to her husband. She’s setting up a dichotomy of frigidity and denial because she feels she should based upon her self value as being a woman who denies because she is “above” the carnal. I am quite certain she indicated a warm and loving demeanor and an excitement to experience physical love with her partner in the four years they dated prior to marriage or he would have reconsidered their partnership since physical touch is so important to him. I wish these two the best and hope some education and deprogramming will help make this marriage a success.

This was the best talk on marriage I ever heard from Dr John. Needs vs wants….WOW🤯🤯

Men love to feel needed and necessary, but it's a woman's biggest turn off.

The lady in the first couple needs to relax take some breaths, hug her man and breath him in. He sounds like a good guy, and she should take some steps toward him. Right now she's keeping a distance with her anxiety.

Not married but i get it. It shouldn't be pressure from the perspective of the dude. She should want it. But that's not reality when there's another person with their own psychology/biology. Expecting once a week might even be too much pressure once life gets busy, but once every other week .. once a month, 3 months... I think at that point even if one partner isn't feeling it, they should understand it's a need/want and an important part of a relationship that both people need to partake a role in. Obviously not talking about abusive unhealthy relationships where one person doesn't feel safe. My SO had a VERY high sex drive. Like 2x a day. Then she got on mental health medication and it basically went away to once every 4-6weeks. I have it a whole year to stabilize but then did end up having a conversation about how I understand her medication takes her libido away, but when I'm putting a bunch of effort to do all my roles above and beyond and going far to do romantic things just to have it end with nothing (especially when she's willing to stay up all night watching TV or whatever), I'd like her to put in some effort as well. Sure she might not be 110% excited about something at that time, but how often have I done things I had zero interest in for the sake of supporting her? After that Convo everything was back up to what I would say is a regular/fair sex life that both of us are content with.

If a dual compromise can't be made by both parties then it's really best to divorce. Problem solved and life goes on!

These comments make me want to be celibate for life. Women are just sex toys to men. I'm not going to argue about it. I'm just accepting men as they are. Radical acceptance about the sex driven nature of men means that I will not deal with men. I refuse to have some man tapping me on my shoulder because he is horny and wants a warm hole to hump.

John reflecting the high percentage of women in his audience again...

How do I find a marriage counselor like you my wife and I need help BAD