How productive arguments can bring us closer together | Bo Seo, Esther Perel, and Dan Shapiro 

I made some friends after politely arguing with them 😂 Some books also helped me a lot like (‘Talking to crazy’). When I got my first job in sales (I am not a sales-person whatsoever!) my management decided to place me in a claim department 😅 I was talking to the most angry/upset customers but no one ever screamed or insulted me. I guess the main point is to empathise with a person you’re talking to and instead of treating them as your opponent with a different worldview treat them as a teammate with the shared goal - to find mutual understanding.

Better to understand than to be understood. Whether arguing or not, everyone wants to talk and nobody wants to listen. Often, even when to people are in agreement you can hear them still trying to get the last word. 😂 Sometimes a simple tip is to preface a serious conversation with, "I'm wanting to tell you this in an effort to bring us closer in our relationship." Or you can just start yelling at them out of nowhere! 🤦‍♂

How can we fix it, I'm willing to learn and help Amen

00:32 🛑 Disagreements often lead individuals back to primal instincts of belonging to tribes when feeling threatened, contributing to a tribalistic world. 01:38 💬 Thomas Hobbes highlighted how minor disputes can escalate, impacting not just relationships but also nations, leading to his suggestion of civil silence, yet underscoring the limitation of a life built solely on agreement. 03:11 🤝 Starting a disagreement with a bit of agreement helps navigate numerous differences between two people, preventing an argument from becoming an uncontrollable mass of conflicting issues. 04:11 🔄 Expectations color relationships, influencing how individuals perceive and communicate with others, contributing to the co-creation of each other within relationships. 05:50 🛡 Emotionally charged conflict triggers defensive tribal thinking, prioritizing group allegiance over substantive arguments, hindering the openness to opposing perspectives. 06:56 💡 Pre-debate exercises like considering opponent arguments and imagining a loss help mitigate certainty, fostering a moment of understanding and potential humility or empathy. 08:27 🧠 Depth in communication lies in acknowledging, validating, and empathizing with others' perspectives, promoting a shift from a confrontational dynamic to a collaborative problem-solving approach. 09:30 💔 Feeling alone despite communication leads to existential crises, emphasizing the importance of making others feel valued and heard during interactions. 10:04 🤝 Connection stems from acknowledging both similarity and difference, avoiding dominance, and recognizing that encountering others enriches our understanding more than solitary experiences.

This should be taught in depth in our schools now. It is very relevant for our times to have basic fundamentals of this subject.

I would much rather watching the speakers than the stock footage. Awfully distracting and doesn't add any value.

I use to define arguing as fighting until I took a Logic course in school, now I know better. When I find myself disagreeing with someone I try to keep calm and ask: "With what certainty (from 1% to 100%) do you believe that?" "Why do you believe that? " "What if anything could change your mind?"

I think I should watch this once every day for 2 weeks to get this in my head.

WOW! This clicks on so many levels. "We create the others in relationships and in communication. It's why we are not the same person with different people, because those people make part of who we are." ❤️❤️

That's the problem of modern world we are not agreeing to make argument work

The background music is so distracting. My anxiety is through the roof!

If the parties cannot agree on objective reality then there is no chance for empathy.

There is nothing worse than to be alone in the presence of another.

I think that the key starting point is to accept that you could be wrong - even about things that are most dear to your heart. You can't have an open mind without some level of self doubt. You can still have strong beliefs that you defend with passion. But there must always be that small crack (at least) into which you can allow another possibility.

I love arguments, we grow so much as people during constructive arguments. One problem is that some people have personality disorders (people in powerful positions especially), and that makes it quite difficult to get to any constructive progression of things... such people can also pretend that they are arguing constructively (as they are highly intelligent), and that you in the end agreed on something mutually "satisfying"... and then they'd do whatever they want anyway... So, one must be highly skilled in communicating with "difficult" personalities (any difficult personality, no matter the intelligence)... Another problem is that some people are so stuck in their ways that not much will improve when arguing with them, it takes years (and hours of meticulous search for the right words, comparisons...) with such people, as they simply have a very blurred vision of the vastness of life and natural differences between people's opinions and ideas, lifestyles (but it is possible to help them open, but it is a very big energetic investment...)... So, in general, we would have to raise children differently, conduct our relationships differently than we currently do, we would have to take care or our own intuition and intelligence (both emotional and intellectual)... but I'll say it again, when there is a possibility of a great argument, it is like the most wonderful concert (or series of concerts, as some topics cannot possibly be resolved in just one disagreement). I would like to also add, that women and men perceive language differently, so, one has to take that into consideration and find a middle ground...

that aggressive musical score in the background just detracts from the video. it's so annoying

Tribalism is and was the source of every large scale conflict, by definition

I believe this way done by design my consultants, and they did a fine job, but we have to stop viewing politics almost as a sport. In reality, until we get a viable third party, there’s really no point to all this arguing and debating. If you’re someone who has let their political leanings become their identity, even in a small way, please reconsider what you organize your life around. There’s a better world out there. We are giving the powers that be exactly what they want. They want us to argue and be divided. Put the maga hat down, the Biden poster, whatever, and live your life.

You're missing the point that there is a whole movement of anti intellectualism, arguing in bad faith based on wilful ignorance

music is not suitable and distracting

The problem is if you engage like this with people who have zero interest in actual ideas, you lose, because they turn everything into a zero sum game. This video is like trying to explain chess theory to someone who plays chess against a toddler who flips the board. Its based on a naive premise, that somehow if you play well enough, you can win, or convince the toddler to follow "rules". The real problem is the board flipping. Linking identity to ideas.

Music is too distracting. CLOSED.

Interesting content, but the stressful music makes it hard to listen to the people

As humans, we cant argue with people we dont know anything: it's like listening a language you have never learn. First, we need to learn the fundamentals rules, then we can figure out what happened. And about learning, the thing is always the same, forget your knowedge, be candide, be naive and you will know what you should know and what really matter. In this way, argue is a medium to confront our own narcissism and love for our own idea and way of thinking: just let it go, dont be harsh with yourself.

6:17 The sport analogy was PERFECT, the ideal of "would i be truthful and correct a call if harms my team...?" It's something i think a lot, i think i would but i also fear being alienated by others if i do that, maybe i even lose position in a team or are never hired, aside from the discomfort of being disliked.

So basically it's cooperation vs competition. How come that we work on those issues individually trying to resolve conflict with the finest instruments and on the other side we keep building highly conflictual society? This type of content are helpful and I enjoy watching them but at the same time they're problematic cause they give people a false sense of control when the reality is that, on a higher level, society goes in an other direction. Why we can't speculate on societies? What type of society we would like to live in?

It's hard to make the change when all you see is politicians literally behaving like little children, but it makes life so much easier being able to hear somebody out and understand their point before you shove your point down their throat

French people get it. It’s so hard for me to I’m just a dumb American

I was just having an argument about this exact topic, TODAY.

6:00 as soon as we enter a hroup we will fight for our position till the end no matter the atguments, our ears are closing

Thing is not many people realise how trabilistic we are

Turn the music down for the love of comprehension and focus

The B-rolls are very distracting to the message.

The moment we feel threatened we move back. That says it all

8:05 Thank you for putting this into words.

People keep saying how we are divided but the general population has never been so in tune with key issues. Violence is down. Numbers of wars are down. We have an elite that divides to conquer. That's it. The general human has never been so peaceful.

This is a good video. I have always had a hard time with arguments and didn't know how to approach someone when I disagree. This video had some good tips that I am going to try.

everything falls into its place when you ask one question Do you condemn Israel?

You guys should leave the full interview up again for the public. I know you guys are trying to make money but some of this needs to spread more and make this world a better place. We need more Bo Seos'! Less flat earthers...

So it isn’t about getting into someone’s head and hurting their feelings?

I think the background music adds unnecessary sensationalism. At least you could consider lowering the volume a bit👌

It's like all these videos are for Americans. Guy in the blue shirt is the least interesting.

Are naturally passive people always the ones to make concessions in an argument?

They have debate teams in schools in America so why are they so bad at it?

I came here for a good argument. No you didn't.

i agree opinions can hlp find solution instead of never ending argument

First strategy! Examine your validation seeking and alignments! I find that people repeat and cling, we are all perfectly capable of independent thought!

Based

i'll have to agree to disagree with those shoes, bro

People on the left and right need to watch this

They changed the thumbnail

HA!, A class on how to argue, isn't that ironic. Just Irony. Pure Irony. And the smart peoples comment below! HAA !!!! Irony!

Dude's sneakers are lit

The video I needed to watch

Side switch excercise 6:45

Let's agree to disagree

Esther is sooooo good.

These Compilations are phenomenal videos.

why to argue

epic

❤

the problem is that the fundamental thing i keep falling back on is reality, while the opposing side falls back on conspiracy. it's really hard to find a middle ground when the discussion boils down to facts and make believe.

I can´t believe one of these Guys is actually called Dan Shapiro lmao

Being able to comprehend and belive in FACT might be a good start. Looking at you MAGA

incorrect - maybe if people stooped believing things that were wrongs and were just good Christians we'd all get along greayt

There’s no such thing as a productive argument. Thats like saying kind aggression.