HOW THE INFJ BREAKS BULLIES ONCE AND FOR ALL (without turning into a monster) 

What are your experiences with people being mean towards you (without seemingly any reason)?

The first time I responded differently to the meanness of a group of people at work felt SO GOOD! I had always thought, "Why do they treat me so badly? I don't deserve this." Then I realized, I don't sit around thinking about people to decide how I think they deserve to be treated by me. No one does that. They behaved based on who they are, not who I am. So when one from this group at work, glared at me with her hands on her hips, and demanded where the hell is so-and-so (which had nothing to do with my job, and I had no way of knowing). I looked at her pleasantly, cocked my head, and said, "You have the most beautiful and whitest teeth I have ever seen." She huffed and stormed away. I figured if she was going to be inappropriate to me, I would be inappropriate with her, only in a positive way. From that moment forward, it all changed.

Great topic and I've listened to this four times now. So many of the INFJ channels on RU-vid are self-congratulating BS, but you are always totally right on about our weaknesses and our strengths. Thanks for all that you do for us.

People have hated my lightheartedness my whole life

This video is exactly what I needed to hear today. People and fam members being mean for no reason happens very often and in the past I have made excuses for it or worse internalize it. I still catch myself doing this but I’m more aware that I’m not the problem. I’m not going to let anyone dim my light anymore.

I have been devouring all your past videos...nobody explains it better ❤

1:02 #1 Everybody is projecting 2:55 #2 The INFJ is the perfect recipient for projection 6:55 #3 Hold on to your own perspective 10:40 #4 Make people understand that there will be consequences to their behavior 13:43 #5 If you hodl onto that version of yourself, all your dynamics will change

The projection thing makes a lot of sense when it comes to bullies. I think in the past, bullies have been mean to me because they assume that if they are doing something, I must be doing that as well, even when I'm my own person and may do different things than them. For example, one bully made the assumption that I was wild and drank and stuff when I'm not any of those things. I expect that kind of behavior in high school, but I found it to be more of a problem once I got into my thirties. I also look young for my age, so I have these awkward situations where guys in their twenties will bully me when I'm actually way older that them.

There’s nothing that has the potential to go sideways quite like believing someone else will make the same choices you make for the same reasons. Believing others share your morality and then will do the same you will is one of the dumbest things anyone can do. I learned this lesson many times, but one that sticks out happened when I was 20, living in a crappy apartment, had just cashed my paycheck, and went to do my laundry in the apartment laundry center. Totally forgot my cash was in my pocket, and when I ran down there to get it, someone had taken my clothes out of the wash, and the money was gone. I never would’ve taken that money, no matter how broke I was I wouldn’t have taken it. I was angry for a LONG time that someone took it, but learned that they are not me. I also had to do this without developing a sense of superiority, just accepting ppl for who they are. It’s a challenge when they take your whole paycheck though, especially when you were the one dumb enough to leave it in your pocket, LOL. I like to think nowadays, however, that I’m doing pretty well, and whoever took my money is probably still living in that same shitty apartment. It helps.

I was going through sheets one day. I regret not staying home. I just needed the money. So, I went to work despite feeling like I want to vanice from the office. Our boss was the only one who sensed something wrong and asked me if I was okay which she doesn't usually ask on random days. I was quiet most of the time that day like any other day. I couldn't look at anyone in the eyes. I was blasting music on my headset. Mind you, we don't have cubicles. We see each other. Our tables are basically side by side. I knew I shouldn't have listened to music.....that way because at any given moment, someone will talk to me and I won't be able to hear them. Which happened multiple times before. When I'm focusing on getting my job done, I don't like distractions. I don't want random talks while I'm chasing time but I let them disturb me. I let them talk to me even though I'm obviously very busy. One of my co-worker/"friend", didn't like me that day because....I couldn't hear her but to her....I was ignoring her. So, she ignored me for a month. I know I didn't do anything wrong. If I did, I should have stayed home and called in sick but at the time, I was in a dark place. I couldn't smile, laugh, even have a decent conversation with anyone. Since that day, I slowly started to care less of what other people think. I still care right now but not as much as before. I slowly detached myself from them. We usually hang out after work. Instead of resting, we rant about work and people at work. I'm already exhausted. I don't want to talk about anything related to work. I thought I'll get used to it. Basically being the version they want me to be. I end up feeling more exhausted to a point that I had no choice but to be myself, the opposite of what they are used to from me. 3 of them are introverted, according to them. I see that. I understand that but I guess I'm on a higher of level being introvert cause they can't fully grasp how introverted I am. Not necessarily in an unhealthy way. More like, I'm fine being at home alone. I'm fine going outside alone. I'm fine eating alone. I'm fine not having that much social interactions. I'm fine being indoors most of the time. I'm fine doing things by myself. I don't even hang out with the person I'm close to like a bestfriend....cause I don't consider anyone as my bestfriend. And yes I'm single and yes I live 3 hours away from my family. I still feel lonely at times and homesick but the idea of being alone and doing my own thing doesn't bother me. I like not knowing people outside and not being known but it doesn't mean I don't interact with random strangers. I don't talk a lot. My family knows that but at the same time, I wish I was expressive because I come off as strict, judging, disinterested, couldn't care less and all that. I never learned that growing up. I don't blame my mom. I know she did her best to raise us. I'm just saying.....I was not an expressive child because it wasn't a choice. Being the second eldest, if I breakdown, it's like a pyramid. One breaks, everything follow suit. I was a sensitive child too. Looking back, I could tell I was an INFJ since I was a small child. I feel sorry for her because she has to put up a mask at a young age. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry for the things you went through. Recently, I was slapped again by reality. That people around me doesn't know me that well. It sucks hearing negative remarks from them about my interest that I don't openly talk about cause I know....they don't understand it.

It’s easy.. just nothing people.. they really hate that

6:50 EXPERIENCE: the third toxic option is they mess with you or worse, target you.

It seems like people despise our kindness; I hate that.

This has been my experience. It can be uncomfortable at first as you explained, however because I have learned to build myself up, my confidence etc... and it helps since I typically navigate the world on my own, that once you do, it's powerful. Indifference kicks in too. It's like, especially with new people - like, it can go either way even with older relationships as well. I think people really can feel that indifference too 🤷🏾‍♀

The conscious and heavy silent treatment is what works best for me now. Since our "aura" does so much on its own, adding that "nothing" attitude drives people crazy. New job recently, two people did a number on me, and said nothing about it. Next day I say hello and goodbye, and nothing else, same for the next 3 days. I could see they were absolutely miserable and stuck in their own mistake. I released them on the fourth day, by engaging conversation with a lot of meaningful eye contact and since, they respect me, even sucking up.

This video was so helpful! You are awesome. Thank you so much!

Don't hate me, cause you ain't me.

This video was everything. I am knee deep in my 40s and I am done being less than. Allow me to reintroduce myself....

Close to 40 not afraid of being hated. INJF-A here but yes…I relate. We see through bullshit..people don’t feel comfortable with that. Odd thing is we, don’t even verbally point it out. Superpower, loner, what have you. Authenticity, unafraid to be you. Keep being who you are everyone. No need for validation.

The question is : how to be ourselves ?

Well, I posted this on the last similar video Try this at work... hold your head and shoulders high. SLOW down. Walk-talk- interact PURPOSEFULLY. Get your favorite song stuck in your head and operate all day based on the rhythm inside that no one else can hear. We are not talking arrogance- just recognizing your true value and learning how to control your breathing, posture, body movements and finally, verbal language. As you go about your normal doings, pretend you just put on your favorite pair of headphones and mix tape, TOOK Arnold's black leather jacket from the Terminator and begin effortlessly rocking your day. When you present this energy, nobody's gonna wanna fuck with you. Jeffrey Z. in SC

This video touched me a lot I noticed with us INFJs we're the personality type that has a true duality about us and we're honest on who we are on the things we've done both good and bad I've noticed to majority of us INFJs we deal with anxiety and depression also PTSD and once we take care of that we're truly ourselves a thousand percent (that through therapy or even prescribed for medicine for all 3) even we were at our unhealthiest moments we still ourselves but like you said the things that people try to project on us it's really them or what they've been through and its the same with us as well consciously and subconsciously but with us INFJs we're so real with ourselves positively and negatively like you said where people have two choices with us they take us for who we are or they don't and most of the time people don't want to take us for we are because they can't control us and it erks their nerves but us INFJs we don't care lbvs 🤣 we've always ended up in situations on why or what we were curious about to seek the truth and now we know a lot answers to everything but we're still learning as we're moving forward 💪🏾

I got physically BEAT for leaving the bubble that i am seen in . Im worried also if i start taking up space i will lose people i love

Good talk thank you Wenzes! 😊

:20 '...but this only happens, if we actually neglect ourselves...' Excellent point right out of the gate! ✨️

You literally read my mind with this video. Dealing with a bad situation at the moment...

Love this. Very good advice. Extremely true. People really do adjust or go away when you do this. The ones that stay end up be much better and more organic connections.

It took me until I was in my 40’s to figure this out, and I’m still putting these pieces of me together.

Fellow infj here! Love your videos! When I’ve given the shut down, the receivers expression is that of someone who’s been hit in the face with a volleyball. Decoded the receiver and demolished the argument. But they thought I was the silent type

You are the only one in this field who really understands the predicament; the hazards, the joys, the risks, the privilege, the harrowing, predatory ignorance all around.

letting others project is giving too much, it's not projecting. We have to give less of the space and talk more

You are so right on as usual. I didn't know what INFJ was until a year ago when I started looking at making changes, but what you say is so true and interesting for me. Thank you

Personality categories are overrated and dillusional. It is useful to identify your comfort zone and to a certain level but I don't think everyone stays in one category forever. You keep switching the roles and responses depending on people and situations around you. You can be Alfa, Sigma or Beta at times if you want!😂 Also, which personality type will dominate or conquer over other depend upon the level of intelligence, skills and mastery over it than just the way you think. A strong narcissistic person can destroy an INFJ if they are not strong enough to come up with a strong response to their strategies... and vice versa. That's the jungle game in humans and survival of the fittest does apply here as well. 😅 Be strong, fair and vigilant and keep evolving as a better person! Thanks! 😊

Stille waters. Diepe grond. Onder draai die duiwels rond. - Thats all I have to add to this. We are more but we make ourselves less. Why again?

Hold on to what's true 👌💖

You articulate this issue so clearly with deep insight ❤

By doing this I was told that I look dark and intimidating, unaproachable. I guess that is fine as long as there is mutual respect. Pretending to also be shallow is almost impossible for me anyway. I do my own thing now

Thank you! This explains so much and is so reassuring and validating. 😊

Thanks a lot Wenzes ❤🧡💛

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What kind of people can handle an INFJ as themselves?

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Thank u GOD ssss tell ing 🙏 🙌 ✨ 😌 ☺ ❤ 🙏 🙌 ✨ me u r Mathew 13 43..........thank u 4 all the lessons I appreciate u 😘 🙏 💖 ❤ 💙 😊 😘 🙏

Its gotten so surreal how i used to attract narcissistic type people who projected negativity onto me but now i attract people that are more like i used to be. Thet want to project neediness and vulnerability onto me and caretake me and meet my needs and they want me to be dilusional about why they are behaving that way. Im supposed to pretend that having needs makes me weak or asking for help makes me pitiful. I dont believe that at all though! Im super strong! Ironically i never got ghosted by the narc people but now im being ghosted by the "caretakers" faster than i even thought possible. They come in a frenzy and do so much for me then leave LOL One even had a literal mental breakdown. I feel guilty but i just hold my boundaries and am open and truthful about how i see things. She spiraled and spiraled and spiraled until she just stopped talking to me. What do yall make of this? My "real" support network has not been fazed by my growth and development, our relationships have actually deepened more than i ever dreamed of. 🥰

Thank you for creating and sharing. Much

Amazing guidance ❤

Extraordinary 🦉💯

Thank you ❤

Thank you Wenzes! You’ve been helping me so much!