This is such good advice. The hard part is that I don't always feel in control of my own actions!!! I actually do not trust myself to make the right choices and actually avoid the N. I've been away from this particular man for 18 months and still don't trust myself to not go back.
I broke up with him after 1 month he engaged in a long distance relationship he stayed with her longer than me and he never met her Hz discarded her then came back to me but then she found our texts and she contacted me and told me everything about them
@@chihuahuakween2085 It’s their modus operandi it’s a strategy and it’s the easiest way for Sociopaths and Narcissistic individuals to dupe vulnerable people eg single, divorced, widowed, single parent, single household
I've said. That numerous yes before I really knew what I was dealing with. I felt that homicide would be forgiven because. Of the horrible non human pain he. Inflicted
My husband told me 6 years ago whilst I was trying to have a heart to heart with him about him ignoring me and not making an effort now the children were getting older. He said out of the blue. I sit outside primqry school and visualise chopping all the patents up on the school run. I only asked for a heart to heart and how he ignores his wife and children. Sadly I'm still here but not for much longer. I can guarantee he is live bombing a Philippino at work who is odd to her friends as they are all married and have children and lead a normal loving life. Oh yes poor Flo she will be abused. In every way possible.
After a 14 year relationship/12 year marriage I have finally realized I'm dealing with a covert narcissist. 14 years of pretending to be the perfect partner, 14 years of gaslighting and lies. 14 years of living a complete fantasy. 14 years of my life I will never get back.
I feel like my NARCISSIST didn't take nothing from me but trouble from bouncing around n around ... I'll take my NARCISSIST lesson as a JEWEL because now I truly know the signs and the behavior of a individual who is worthless... The problem is when I got wise to my NARCISSIST games and tricks it got bad and the fighting never stopped it just increased because it POWER STRUGGLE cause my NARCISSIST is set in his ways and I can truly say I never felt love from my NARCISSIST I was used but I used him as well as my crutch to not face my reality ( past failures) in my youth and not feeling the need to advance myself because my NARCISSIST was satisfied on how he wanted me to be and as long as you could use me we was Good. . Now that my NARCISSIST provided me with the basics to be content it's now coming to a end cause I learned and grew off my NARCISSIST seeing him now as being weak and a liar cause I understand his fear is why he can't conquer himself... Just not carrying his weight no more, I taught him well it was my energy that kept us GOING now I'm drained so this is where it ENDS. I learned from my NARCISSIST and loved my NARCISSIST it just wasn't real because he didn't believe in anything but his own flesh and desires that mean I can see there is no Future with someone who is set on destruction manipulation lies all of it so toxic. Learn how to take the GOOD with the BAD and when you are strong enough to part you do so but understand the risk you are taking you can put on the new face and play the game or you can get left behind.
Same here, I’ve known my ex husband Covert narcissist for a total of 20 years and was married to him for a total of 15 years. He was very insidious with everything until the mask started falling off in 2020 around when COVID started. I was deceived and manipulated. Years off my life down to drain and I wouldn’t have ever met him had his mother would not have introduced me to him. I feel as though she knew something was not right about her son but still continued to introduce me to him. He started saying he wanted an open marriage after 15 years of our marriage to my knowledge being monogamous. But found out about his secret life, Narcissists always has a secret life for sure. I received a Facebook message from the woman he was cheating on me with stating that she knew my husband from years before we got married and that she knew the colors of my bedsheets and that he took my 2 year old daughter to her house and she was around when bills were getting paid and that she knew my ADT alarm code to my house. Like really she could have killed me in my sleep or poisoned my drinks and food when I confronted him with this information he shrugged and stated oh I know her she wouldn’t have harmed you. Like what?!?! The nerve of him. I’m happy that I divorced him but now I have to gray rock while coparenting answer share a 4 year old and 11 month old together. It was so hard having to sell our house while going through the divorce and being pregnant all at the same time. Just horrible a true nightmare!! Ughhh!!
I had no idea I was being cheated. On until I split up from my ex and discovered he was seeing all sorts of women! No one would believe me because of the persona he portrayed and that was the hardest thing I found
I think they just mean, this, was my narcissist I dated, or, who I'd a two year relationship with, or, had kids with, etc, and I think it's because we all know one narcissist in our lives so I think when we talk about them to others on you tube, we can say my narcissist and these are all the terrible things he did but we just mean that, this was our narcissist we encountered... but I do like your quote that was why I gave it a thumbs up because I do agree with that. After that time after Allan I had one friend who would just listen to me and care for me so as depressed as I was because I swear I actually felt broken I couldn't even let my guy friend hug me let alone feel the benefit of a hug. Because when you hug someone and really let yourself go it's almost like you trust them if you get what I mean. I think, these, reserved patters some people do are for their benefit. They annoy the crap out of me because it feels weird but maybe they are limiting the connection they have but I didn't want to be touched for the first time I didn't want to be held..
To refer to someone as yours like some sort of possession is a narcissistic trait!. I called a woman out on this and she completely edited her comment! Pretty certain I exposed a narc?
@@StephenWestSyd I don't know but I just think because we are talking about narcissistic people I think that's why we say my narcissist did this or she did that. It's just the fact we have encountered one or more to talk about it but I do grasp what you mean. Or sometimes if it's in the family you would say my narcissistic sister or father because they are our family...
I never really thought he was cheating…just flirting ….even towards the end when he was on his phone all the time…I was brainwashed……I believed he want a cheater but now I realize he did it the whole way through 😩
My narcissistic husband cheated with a girl he didn't even know (met her at a bar.. I of course had no idea he had even gone to the bar). He lied to her at first, then came clean that he had a family (or so he says). I caught him twice in 2019, took him back bc of his promises, tears, etc. He continued to see her (I didn't know). I finally caught him again on Thanksgiving 2020 and kicked him out and filed for divorce. But, she wasn't the only one. I'm certain if it, I just can't prove it. It's been a nightmare. It still is a nightmare.
Its crazy, when I would catch my ex cheating on me, he would cause an even bigger issue over something else, (normally something I did) that was NOWHERE near as heinous as him cheating, but somehow I'd be so busy apologizing for something dumb, that his cheating went by with no repercussions. Weird how that works.
The one I was with was looking for “friends” on tinder, dating sites and went: they know I’m married. Stop being so controlling and jealous. Remember why i dumped my ex??? He was like you. He wouldn’t even let me have friends. I never controlled her or was possessive. It’s normal to raise an eyebrow when something is off. But not with a narc. They are never at fault. Her friends even told me to stop being a possessive jerk.
I think sexually experienced men should be with sexually experienced women. It just makes no sense to even talk to someone like that. They are going to cheat at some stage and for people who don't have that toxic lifestyle that is a big deal. I think inexperienced women should go with kinder men. Virgins don't cheat. Men/women who aren't do. I'd rather avoid from now onwards. I agree some people just maybe sleep one or two or even 3 or 4 people and they settle but mostly women/men who have high body counts are not good and also they are not good for sex I was told. I do find them pretty unattractive. I think their genitalia are consumed as a doctor said it's what happens it shrinks in men and it is too loose in women. I think quality of sex wil be very low too so I avoid. Also that is morally wrong. Think of how they hurt other women/men by either provoking a cheating or ny cheating. If they are so proud of it why they hide it from you. I think they themselves don't like it and just want to tell you you are bad because you are different. Also they have trust issues are insecure and I believe they all have the potential of being manipulated and turning into abusive as well as trying to control or manipulate you. It's not a happy ending being cheated on is an unhappy ending and so I feel avoiding those insecure morally weak types is best.
There also is emotional cheating where they are caught multiple times, talking to, texting and seeing the other woman who they have left you for multiple times. Thank you for your message
I'm still with one. He refused to stop talking to the girl he only cheated with and when I read messages I just said ok it's an emotional affair. So he jumped on it. 2 years later he now says if YOU thought it was then I GUESS it was
Left my wife of 9 years today that cheated on me with her ex that had been “only close friends” with her our entire marriage. We have two kids and I don’t know how to move on from her. I hate her for what she did to us as a family unit.
I feel bad giving you a "like" for that, I don't like that happening whatsoever...I am really sorry for what you're going through. I hope you can The narcs lies, callous disregard or indifference about the future and big picture scares me. I'm sorry but I might be wrong here, but if you have a wife/husband, family, and kids especially, then shouldn't they be your focus? Why doesn't that become supply enough?
Same Married 13 years, yet she got more than me & was treated better. He won't leave me 4her, I've asked him 2. Y did this happen 2 me?! Im walking. Idgaf anymore and recently cheated 4 sport
So sorry for what you’re going through. There are 2 groups that really helped me heal and forgive. Standers United on Facebook and the website Rejoice Marriage Ministries.
You hit the nail right on the head from the first five mins. The whole “this person leads a secret life”. I’ve never met a woman to throw me through a loop like this one. It’s like every single thing is a lie so I can’t discern what’s real or not. Also never heard of hoovering but it sounds very spot on to what’s been happening. Constant manipulation where they’re the aggressor to do things to abdonden my trust then flips it on me and plays victim.
Bang on point! Everything becomes your fault! Even though it is not ,your still made to feel like the aggressor! These sort of people will send you bonkers,quite literally! Disgusting isn't even giving it a real term of explanation!
what was funny and creepy for me is that “just friend “ bloked me on fb when i broke up with him..and exactly when we borke up he told her that i broke up bcs of her .. xd still can’t believe this guy
I don't know if theres already a video on this but im feeling very mad at myself for ever letting someone treat me this way. Looking back on everything and how much he took advantage of me and used me makes me so angry. Makes me feel like he got one over on me and he's just laughing about it. He got SOOO much out of me, it makes me angry. It also makes me angry thinking of how many times he's probably cheated on me, and how he got away with it every time. Im in the discard phase, and im realizing so much. Thank you so much for your videos, they are all very very helpful.
OMG! I am dealing with this now! I feel as you do: so used, betrayed, foolish and mad at myself. I feel your pain. I hope you comment and let us know how you're doing! I've gone no contact for 2 weeks since he just moved out (at my insistence). Had he stayed, he would've kept lying, cheating and using me at the same time. They suck the life and joy out of you! They are pure evil monsters!
Ditto ,, I’m feeling the same thing !,, extremely used and discarded!,,, like trash ,, and my Gut told me something was wrong,, long ago,,,but I gave him the benefit of the doubt,,, how stupid I was !,,,
This is also my situation. I feel like I've lost the last 35 years of my life in a marriage that was a lie. The number of times I've forgiven him makes me sick to my stomach. No more, 3 months into my divorce, it can't end soon enough for me. I'm 56 so feeling slightly worried about my future. Good luck everybody!! 🙂
That's my wife @💔😭 I'm sorry I haven't had sleep for days two months even counting this month she packed all her things and left now but she thinks it's okay to be with someone else knowing that we're still married and the sad part is this bastard lives right around my job. Claiming on her phone he wants to beat my ass and she said go ahead do it. she's also trying to have the people that she messed with the cost of street beat me up. She told me I was scared earlier to come home I told her well I have other priorities in life and I don't have time to stoop to yours level it's disgusting. We also have three beautiful babies together as shown in my profile picture I just don't get what's going on with her lately she has borderline personality disorder this whole mental health stuff it's just insane. Her grandmother my mother our family and friends wants wants me to leave her in divorce her as soon as possible.
I try not to accuse my partner because i know how it feels when he is falsely accusing me! However...his actions, verbal behaviour, half hearted affections, and endless... I mean endless...gas station or store excursions that last for well over a normally excusable amount of time...he's usually gone for at least 2 hours at a time morning & late evening. Oh lord how he always has something to do or how he's annoyed by others holding him up.... He is always thinking 10 steps ahead to cover his tracks. He is a terrible liar & even admits to half way telling the truth at some point down the line. 😔Lately he is always commenting on how I am not attentive or interested in him anymore. Ugh duh dude!!! He's never home consistently enough to even notice me or our children. He knows this hurts us and leaves us all confused and even depressed or angry/bitter at times. I'm over it really but...Im stuck for now due to the damage I've suffered. Fighting every single day to regain the mental stealth, will, stability and courage to exit the relationship without loosing anything else. He even knows that I'm depressed because of his toxicity & almost seems remorseful. He claims to care and has even made great strides of improvement with certain things. I'm not sure I should even care about him the way i do. I've always believed in love & it's power to impact. So depressed with grief from acceptance of my reality. I just thank God this man can't take away my faith and wisdom. I'm a survivor....sometimes we don't need the hidden facts to understand the truth. All this said....I would like to know if he's been cheating or attempting to...whatever. Maybe he just wants me to think he is, assuming that it'll trick me into resuming physical intimacy. Crazy tho...why would you tell your depressed fiancee ((5+yrs & also step mother to your 2 other children)) mother of your children that you're gonna find a way to laid elsewhere? I love this man more than anyone I've ever committed myself to...there are great qualities about him that I cherish. After all these years tho...its clear he has a severe personality disorder and he has to get clinical help....most likely it'll only happen once he's lost me..our children...our bond. Thanks y'all if ya took time to read this. Didn't intend to be so personal but Im only human and narcissistic abuse is a real threat to thousands of wives, partners and mothers like myself. Guess Im seeking support from others that truly can relate to this kind of suffering. Good vibes to all and remember God's got your back so it's okay to let go when it seems like you're loosing your grip. ❤✨🥀 Everything changes in time & Rome was not built in one day. 🌄 Please feel free to reply✨ Kinda need an outsiders perspective. Any kind of support is better than nothing at all.
@@BrandyLight101 wow this is very powerful! Thank you for opening up and sharing with us! I can relate immensely! Thank you for the good vibes and praying and hugs and love to you!🙏🏼♥️
100% you are and always describe the past 6 years of my life. Now moved on and feel free from the living hell of being with a covert narcissist. Thank you so much for the enlightenment and understanding. Only a person who falls in love with a narc will ever understand the torment they put you through and the delusional life they live.
Honestly it sucks that so many of us fell in love with a person like this. I feel exactly how you said about being ashamed whenever my ex would come around and I still saw her, hoping no one would find out…..she would cheat on me so much the exact same way you said with her ex from a past relationship. The only reason I’ve been able to let go of hate is because I never blamed him, it was all her. I can’t blame a guy for having a girl like her show up at his door ready to do something like that. Is it wrong? Yes. But that doesn’t change the fact that she was the one who went out looking for it. I just hope I can really fully let go of any feelings I have for her. It’s extremely difficult but I know every time I feel anything for her that it’s so wrong because of everything she’s put me through.
I hear you brother, and it's hard when you love someone and they know it,that's why they do this because they know they can get away with it, it's easy for others to tell you, you can find someone better who will not do this to you, but they are not in your shoes and will never understand unless they are going through it,or have been through it, stay strong
Very similar story here. If you let go, you will be amazed at what that new ‘space’ youhave created, through pain and growth- beautiful things DO begin to happen. Hang in there and love YOURSELF hard!! You are not alone
Same way but I went crazy when I found out because all along I was right she had a secret relationship just lied to my face smiling in front of my face and still stayed. The betrayal was unbearable yes it’s very difficult but I also let go because she’s no better than me I know what I did was right and I’ll remember that, I gotta accept she was never the one that I’ve been looking for..
Yes, it was more what the narcissist I knew DIDN'T say more than what he did. He must justify that to himself as "not lying". He was clearly a chronic and prolific liar. Thank you for this confirmation, Christina. Mx
A wise person once said “when someone tells you who they are, believe them...the first time they tell you” Give a narcissist enough time to talk-even on the very first date-and they will tell you exactly who they are.
I agree!! I used to just sit and listen to my ex ramble on and on. From old relationships to random experiences even his BM’s. I started peeping out a lot of stuff I KNOW he hadn’t consciously wanted me to know.
Your so incredibly educated on this topic everything you said is accurate. Love how you mention the things other channels don't mention like being judge by people on the outside! Please don't stop mentioning the little things it make it even more relatable and like your not alone!
That's one of the reasons I started this channel because I was seeing patterns with other survivors. It's sometimes little stuff, but it's amazing how many people have the same experience! Thank you for your comment 🙏❤
So true!! Yes , even some so famous experts also have not been able to explain so well as she does.. I have unsubscribed all others after listening to her (common ego) videos.
My Narc. Cheated on me while I was pregnant with someone at his job who "knew" about me being his gf. When I did finally find out and confronted him he beat ME up for finding out....pure evil
Ha! I know, boy are they in for a rude awakening. The new supply thought they were the knight in shining armor, the one who was gonna save the narcissist. Ha! Hello! Just wait , your time is coming.
He triangulated me with other women in his life who were “friends.” He Slept with me first then came out the next day saying he was “nonmonogamous” then eventually tried to call it polyamory when he was just a misogynist who wanted to sleep with as many people as he could at once without emotionally supporting anyone. He would pick fights with me or make up lies and tell half truths to keep me at bay and pull me back in at his convenience. He told me he didn’t love me and after the 4th time I came back after discard said he did love me “in his own small way.” He tried to make me feel jealous of others in his life so I would compete for attention. He treats himself as a public figure and fakes empathy poorly. He was just a liar that played on peoples insecurities, attachment and used future faking and word salad and gaslighting as much as he could. Bread crumbing was normal, and he needs external validation so people buy into the false bait so when the mask would slip I have no value so it didn’t matter others would validate him on the internet.
He never called me his girlfriend even though we were intimate but insisted I was his friend like other women in his life. He said it was easier that way.
Isn't it a joint dynamic? Don't they target a vulnerable, low self-esteemed person that will be more easily hood winked into allowing their double life. Gives them freedom, won't ask too many questions, will be easily gas lighted into not asking questions and will stay no-matter what and have enabler personalities that fight against seeing the TRUTH.
I just found out the guy I have been sleeping w/ for 6 months has been in a relationship the entire time & though I’ve ended it immediately. I wanna tell her...it’s not fair out of the 3 of us the guilty one gets what he wants. I’m so hurt & angry about it. However I am not into knocking women down & hoping karma will bring this to light.
Similar thing happened to me and the girl did not believe me when I tried to tell her. When she confronted him he just said awful lies about me how I am obsessive and crazy not over him and she believed that. Now I don’t know if I did the right thing or not. Maybe I did since I tried to warn her.
I’m going to have to say... I feel, all of the above. Based on so many factors... she did not “discriminate” on any available opportunities if they presented themselves. I wish I came across the wisdom in these videos years ago. Thank you.🙏
He actually told his ex that he's been single for many years - when we were 1 year into the relationship. He did with full conficence as she was not on facebook, where we had our status. When I confronted him about it, he said that I should not make a fuss because it's not relevant. Like it's not relevant that we're in a relationship. So gross...
I was the ex. He told me he was divorcing and separated, that is I was "the one", his soulmate etc...and then for one reason or another it was delayed...then the devaluation and ghosting. The day before he ghosted me he told me he loved me... lol 😂. I didn't realize he was a narc but now I do. I feel so stupid to have believed him.
Thank you for all your videos and information, it is very very helpful, you're helping a lot of us with our recovery. The covert narc I was in a relationship used long distance to get away with his cheating for 2 years. It still baffles me how he convinced her to keep it a secret for 2 years, her dad had just passed away and he used her at her most vulnerable period to sleep with her and get her hooked on. She was friends with all our mutual friends and knew about me the entire time. I was always been afraid of being cheated on because there was a lot of cheating within my own family growing up. He knew that and would always reassure me that he would never do such a vile and disturbing act. But he would confuse me so much and make me feel very insecure at the same time. Someone who values you will not keep making you feel insecure, they do they opposite, they offer security. I used to self-doubt and think I was irrationally jealous. I was wrong. I was irrationally trusting of a relationship between him and another woman. He would go on trips with other woman and sleep on the same bed with them while convincing me that nothing happened and that my thoughts are impure for ever doubting him (6 million red flags right there and I still believed him over my own intuition, I feel like such a dumbass for being so trusting). It is very very confusing being with a covert narc because he can be very very loving (which is actually a reflection of how loving you are and he was just mirroring that, he never loved me because he couldn't love himself, it was never genuine). You are always left feeling confused and self-doubt a lot. He also very subtly would threaten self harm when ever I took a step back and recognised his toxic traits. "I feel lifeless, I feel lost, I feel life is not worth living" and you come running back wanting to rescue him or fix him and save him. Then he will ghost you. You then beg and cry for his attention and support. A lot of back and forth like this. This mental distress made me physically sick. I couldn't sleep, I would feel emotionally drained and exhausted all the time. I was very addicted to him and I couldn't let go even though I was aware that the relationship was extremely unhealthy to the point where you question your own sanity. Till I learnt of his cheating. A lot of lessons to be learnt from this heartbreak and for that I am very very thankful and although it hurt like hell and I felt (still feel sometimes) humiliated and ashamed for a long time, I know I'm a good loving kind person with an A+ heart and that nobody can take that away from me. This relationship did not define who I am.
So many lessons! And you have a great attitude about it. It most definitely does not define who you are. But when you learn the lessons and do the healing work, it can define who you become (strong, confident, whole, etc). Thanks for your comment! 🙏❤
His ex wife lied to my face about when I caught signs of them cheating. She lied about being involved with him for YEARS and cheated on MULTIPLE PARTNERS to be with him. I wanted so badly to believe them both and my ex made me feel insane for thinking that way.. I find comfort knowing they’re both insanely shitty & narcissistic and will continue this cycle having ruined all past and future romantic relationships.
man thats the exact escuse my ex gf gave to me when i confronted her, i was shock when she told me that we were always in a open relationship and that we were only friends when she used to be very jealous and controling of what i did, she also used to talk to me abaout fidelity and she even once told me that i should never cheat on her, lol, what an hypocrite person.
These are the most dangerous beings in life , you will only ESCAPE if you are focused on something that is more profitable seeing a better future helps you cope with seeing you are not alone .....
Exactly that happened to me it's been 27 years he is having affairs and my kids knows that too but he is the one who us accusing me for 27 years ,even I front of my adult kids he accuses me ,shameless creatures.
@@milankaperera7895 they always threaten suicide. It's a scare tactic to get you to stay. I've had a few relationships were they said that and not one of them did anything and moved on with there happy life.
My covert narc husband of 23 yrs. decided to end our marriage after I asked for common respect by letting me know when he would be home. He was gone 16 hrs. a day, at times, "fishing". After I demanded respect, he said he wanted a divorce. After some snooping, I found out he was "talking to" his best friends neighbor for 6 months! When I had the proof (cell phone records) in hand, I kept it to myself for over a week. I asked him daily over that week if there was someone else that he had been talking to or having a relationship with... I heard "you are crazy", "why do you have to dream something up", "you are out of your mind". I just smiled & would ask the next day. Finally I lost it and dialed her number in front of him & asked if he wanted me to call her?! Then I heard "oh her, she's just a friend". After 23 years, he couldn't even admit it when caught! It really makes me think this isn't the 1st time. It would be nice just to hear the truth & an apology out of his mouth. I'm not holding my breath!
@@SFBay69 that's not the only reason he's a covert narcissist. The guy has no empathy....ever! He doesn't react to anything. 23 yrs. with the guy & he has no compassion for anyone. It all about him all the time.
I recently ask my NARC if there was any kind of contact with his ex, he said “she emails me, but I don't respond”, What???? I responded & ask “why do you allow any contact, you know all forms (email, text, phone, social media) can be blocked from someone (if you want to) come on”‼️ I continued & replied, “you think I believe that you don't respond back, why else would you keep that access open?” He truly underestimates me & actually believes I buy that one‼️
YES! Going back with him is embarrassing and it leads the hoovered ex - ie, me - to actually enable being hidden by the narc (who is, of course, denying that's what's happening). Thank you for saying that out loud, I feel incredibly seen and recognized.
Yes. This video & comments from others is Spot On for my situation. Sad to know others r going through this but also thankful for others sharing their experiences and realize my suspensions & gut feeling have been right all along.
When you value your own time. Narcs have a really hard time being able to get into your head. Manipulative behavior only escalates if you feed it purpose. When you dont feed it and know how to respond.. holy shit dude. They get crazy and clingy as hell.
That is very true. When you are indifferent and could careless what they do they become super stalkers and you really see how fragile and crazily obsessed they are.
I have been divorced almost 5 years. I still don’t know how, who, when. After 27 years together, knowing Narcissistic behavior I don’t expect anything more.
My sociopath husband is in another country, so it was very easy for him to get away with cheating. The only reason I found out was because he forgot he had shared his Google photo library with me. You’re right, they’re not that smart. 🤪🤣
I do have an embarrassment.. and I finally have completely cut him off. Regaining my balance. Thank you for sharing these videos. I can relate. Not something you’re friends can understand. I’m working on forgiveness of self. Letting go, moving on. I now understand why my mother went through what she did, I held so much anger because she never left my narcissistic father. I wanted to understand why someone would put themselves through it, and I have been shown. It is what we know and how we were programmed in our family unit. If you’re strong enough to leave, and do the healing work you are well on your way to paving a path for future generations.. you must share your experiences to those who suffer for support to let them know there is recovery and life beyond theses chains. ❤
I recently discovered my now ex cheating and when confronted, completed gaslighted me and denied it even though they were caught. She lived a secret life and this makes so much sense! ty
Interesting what you said about embarrassment. Because for a while I was back with my Nex but it was fairly low key. Granted, he's out of my life for good now. But there was a point where during this time he was no longer bringing me around his family and his family didn't even know we were together. Not to mention that he was consistently accusing me of cheating, which I thought to be projecting!
The "it" I was with is absolutely the lowest of low...not one ounce of loyalty,honesty, integrity, found myself questioning everything that came out of her mouth. always left details out... deflected...accused me...never apologized...or would get angry and blow up .....hang up and block me when I questioned it ... Absolutely a nightmare when I started figuring things out
@@wendyc5895 I began to question myself at times thinking surely she couldn't be this bad and maybe I was imagining things. Eventually my eyes stayed open and I kept my mouth shut about things (I found this to work great because she got comfortable with things and without knowing she'd actually told on herself). almost two years later now and she is still texting me saying how she messed up and is truly sorry for everything.....I almost bit!!! Almost gave in! within hours of her heartfelt texts things began to get shady again! Lol. Won't go into to details but definitely more of the same from the past. Freaking incredible. I'm sorry you had to experience this also....it does help to talk to people who went through the same ordeal. bet we could write a book! hope life and people are treating you better these days. there are some really good ones out here....it's just finding them and dropping the guard a bit to give them a chance is the hurdle I need to get over yet. Lol, talk about being cautious
I've learned that they do not change. Only their tactics switches up. or they get more cunning. they love to go to counseling and be very vocal about it( it's only a manipulative tool in their bag of tricks) I heard the "I've changed routine" a dozen times now. The trick is to trust your instincts. when they speak let go in one ear and out the other. pay attention to their actions...if they don't match their words it's manipulation again. I've become good at spotting it now. I'll call it out on something every time the story changes! the texts and calls are fading away...never anymore video chats now when that's all there was before.it lives with another man but still says it can't get over me. This happens only when they fight. no more hurt or pain in my heart. she knows it I think. Finally! my ordeal is at its end. Hope the next one bails early like I should have. I had no clue what narcasism was until she called me that....I worried thinking she was right and did much research on it to only find out it was her all along and I hadn't been imagining things like she said. how messed up can a person be knowing I had PTSD survivors guilt pretty severe and already was down on myself at times for things in my past. already not liking myself and to do everything she did also was just low and uncaring. and I hear often..how long ago did that happen?as if to say get over it already. Let me be clear....there are at least 6 men for I know of she cheated with within a year and a half. So many lies I lost count. So many scandalous things it would be a book to write. She is so insensitive to the hurt she caused me. so selfish it makes me sick to even think about. But somehow through all that she plays the victim!!! wow! that's what a relationship with a narcissist is like
My ex had quite the past. I didn’t know she had a pending court case when I met her. 3 felonies later the day finally came for her to face a judge and the sentence of 6 months in jail came down and she was always miserable and displayed her lack of interest in the relationship. I decided to go through her phone and found out she cheated on me with people she worked with, ex bf’s and an old dude who looked like Colonel Sanders. Glad she’s gone and I have been much happier!
I just got out. I finally see the full truth in who is is and what he was doing between me and his ex, torturing us both. And had new supply lined up that I caught and now realize everything. Its all so painful and devaluing.
The first time he cheated, it was right in front of me. We were at an after party and some girl showed up out of nowhere. I felt a really strange feeling in my gut. When he & I left, she left. I mentioned it to him in the car and he denied everything. 2 weeks later, they were dating! I continued to see him even though I was devastated. I went NC 3 months ago after a 10 year on-again, off-again liason. He still texts me but I don't respond.
@@stephanieduncan9023 I appreciate your insight and will definitely keep the number for future.. as for the dude in my story, I dumped him 3 months ago. Now he is doing the hoover and wanting me back! I don't respond to ANY of his text messages or e-mails (he doesn't use social media so no need to block) Best, Vicki!
Hi there! Love your videos! I learn something new everyday watching you. I was in a relationship with someone who had Narcissist behaviors. I was the "side-chick" for a little under a year with him. His girlfriend of 9 years didn't know about me. There was a lot of control in the situation and I bent much of myself to fit to his standards. She eventually found out and they broke up. He did end up going back to her unbeknowst to me. We are seeing each other now again after some months apart, it has been significantly better after he was in therapy and I have been taking therapy to resolve those painful feelings from the past.
Mine told me everytimes." He is my best friend like a brother " now l know why....Thank's GOD l am out from this situation.... after cheating..l got so many.." sorry " be careful when they apologise so much....red flag...
This is such a refreshing blessing to me I appreciate all your installment about narcissist it fits my experience to a T narcissus I dealt with had no limits price tag on how she can apply herself to whatever situation she wanted to be selfish about. Thank you for the closure so I can move on
Oh yes! Do they know about me alright. I'm "batshit crazy", schizophrenic with multiple personality disorder, thief etc, etc according to him that is lol. He ended up cheating in my home on my bed with a guy. Wow! Sadly for the other dude the narc cheated on him with me and vice versa. That was my last straw and the narc hasn't been back since then. The dude he cheated with ended up calling me a few months later, telling me everything the narc had said and done to me was now happening to him. He had been discarded, cheated on, evaluated and he was heartbroken. I told him to listen to RU-vid videos about narcissists, because it saved my life the first time when I realized who the "love of my life" really was. The "dude" called me back a month later and thanked me for the advice. Wow! My heart went out to him. The kicker is that him and I have become good friends and we support each other really well. This has made the narc go insane. Karma lmao!
This channel has been instrumental in putting the last nails in the coffin of my recent break up with a narcissist. I've read a lot about narcissism and definitely saw the character traits that fitted my ex, but this channel and the stories people have shared has made me look back and face the realisation my whole relationship with this man was a lie. We only parted recently, I was discarded, but left hanging while he pretended to be "sorting himself out" and thankfully I didn't attempt to contact him because deep down I knew what was happening and wanted to keep my dignity. I found out through a friend that he was seeing someone new, and he was telling people our relationship was over, (a conversation we'd never actually had.) I was therefore surprised when he began phoning and texting me pretending he was thinking about me and waiting for me to sort myself out before continuing our relationship. I ignored him knowing it was all lies. He kept it up, continually phoning and leaving messages about missing me and asking me to please phone him, all of which I continued to ignore. He finally tricked me into talking to him by using another number. However I was prepared and acted surprised he was bothering. I reminded him how our relationship had been rocky from the start, made out I was over it, had been relieved it was over, telling him he really should move on. He wasn't expecting that and asked if we could be friends, and could he come and pick up his things etc. He lived a fair distance from me so I pointed out the petrol to get here, cost more than the few bits he left were worth. I wished him the best and ended the call. Then fell in a heap!! The truth is I was completely gutted. Before breaking up I had caught him making out on the phone with another woman. I was sick, couldn't eat, couldn't think, literally couldn't function, yet I'd been able to prevent myself running after him when he left, had been able to resist the temptation to answer his continual calls and finally strong enough to present an attitude of indifference while talking to him. I was amazed at my own reserve and strength. I thought that he might now leave me alone, but through researching narc behaviour I realised I might be in for more contact because he didn't get what he needed to hear from me. I hadn't stroked his ego by letting him see how broken I really was. Next tactic was to contact me on the dating site we'd originally met on. He let me know he was going to look for someone else now that we were really over. (Remember he was already in a new relationship as soon as he left.....well maybe not so new..who knows when it started). Anyway, I ignored how comments, and see today he was checking me out again early this morning. This channel has explained a lot, and I'm able to pre-empt his next moves. I have also been able to see I have been taken for a huge ride from the very beginning, nothing was real it was a game to him as he collected hearts to feed his tiny ego. He has a bevy of ex girlfriends who he phones, explaining them away as close friends. None know about each other, and certainly didn't know he was seeing me. Another good site called Narcdaily run by a guy called Andrew who was a victim himself, explains a lot about these types and how dangerous they are. His goal is to have this taught in schools so people are more aware and prepared in advance in any relationships to prevent the devastation these narcd leave in their wake. I'm still struggling....it's only been 9 days..
They will murder your soul slowly . I was with my husband 15 years never any proof of affairs , same week I was diagnosed with brain aneyurism , my son got into his unusually unlocked phone, he was in midst of ten month affair , dirty nothing classy , I was in a coma for three weeks he had kids , or fobbed them off to his parents , had started another affair with a single mother he met at cage fighting , he bled us psychologically emotionally and physically . I cant get them years back . I make an impassioned plea to anyone in a relationship like this to run for your lives , they only get worse insidious. They are parasites of your soul.
I still haven't been able to absolutely catch him a hundred percent. I've got tons of Clues but because of his job he drives around as a driver for O'Reilly's delivering things so it's hard to know if he's actually on a delivery or if he's actually doing something else
I think mine was triangulation w emotional relationships w women( on his part). And I'd always know. Months prior to finding out. It was in the way he began to treat me. Insulting my intelligence. Making fun of me. Being more openly abusive. Sometimes physically and mostly covertly. Hed get mad and walk away from me in crowds. Like he couldnt be seen w a low life like me. Hed find times to leave the house to go be on his phone texting. He lied in one of these relationships and told me he was clocking in early at work. Found a receipt in his wallet for a doz Rose's for another female co worker going through a divorce. It's always a damsel in distress. Just like myself who had family problems growing up and ultimately was thrown out at 16 . The Narc was there to save the day. Except made me feel like crap for yrs. Never allow them to do anything for u unless you want to be indebted forever.
I also want to say they provoke fights during triangulation so they have reason to justify talking badly of you to the new supply. And it works because you appear unstable and the new supply does more for him( out of pity) while you're doing more to compete for his affections
Stuble punches bring up your weight. Implementation of you are old we are same age. Meanness fights over wording of a sentence. I knew his behavior he was cheating.
Yes, my ex narc has a history of "helping widows". These are women widowed in their 50s, so no doubt he was offering them his sexual services. They were also ignorant to the world as their husbands had been their protectors. The cruelty in playing with widows is extreme. I know of 3.
My ex would constantly cheat with me leave me home to hangout with friends and convince me that I wasn’t fun to be around and I was a homebody. When they stayed home with me they were “bored”. And yes it is dense negative energy and I need to leave it leave them and they are not allowed in my life any longer.
They all live double lives. When you become the old supply they will try to love bomb you back in and the new supply will be clueless about it. Most also have secret family's the ex narc was able to get away with having a secret family because his ex wanted nothing to do with him she cut off all ties with him even though they had a child together. He was no longer involved in the child's life the narcissist just flat out denied having kids.
Wow perfectly explained. That was it. Same situation triangulation with ex. There was also the new supply. I was hoovered to come back because the narcissist said she really only wanted to be with me but i didn't bite. Once i saw this new supply with her all over facebook I was hurt and still trauma bonded but i knew i was dealing with a person who can just easily have sex with someone else. I realized how cold this person could be. My internal response was like "You can all go to hell, I'm not becoming a pawn in this game." I knew that no matter how this other person felt, if she felt we still had a chance, once she cheated everything changed. At least that's how i felt on my end. When you cheated you killed any hopes for reconciliation. Assholes they are! I don't need you to be happy, I can figure out how to be happy on my own on my own terms. I'll be damned if i get played with like that. Well, 6 months no contact and no more triangulation in my life.
Thank you so very much for the clarity. Ex was seeing new supply and an ex. This explains THE why they go to the ex. She was extended nonrelated family. Thought he was ill, complained he was always tired for months, slogging around town with GF's (another red flag). He was tired bc had to keep up on everything all at once and work a FT job; I was in discard phase, and the other 2 were in various love bombing phases - yuk! Exhausting...
I had tol the ex that I needed time away. During that time I worked on myself, started college again, doing things alone and without drama. We had agreed on two to three months, but it didn't happen the way I wanted. One morning around 2am, I get a pounding knock on my door loud enough to wake up part of the apartment complex, as I went to answer the door, she broke the door in and began yelling, "Where is she?" I had been alone all that time. She accused me being with someone else. Now I know why she was so adamant that I was cheating.
Sorry for chiming in..... It is definitely hard but we can get through it, just got to be strong enough to do so and work on ourselves. My wife, who I've been with since we were 18 years (turning 50 years next month)cheated on me severally and only stopped because she was caught, she wanted me to stay, begged me not to leave, then 2 years later I became so ill I was bedridden and was in and out of ICU, coma and family called in because they said I wouldn't make it. A year into my illness she stopped being there, oh we lived in same house but till July of 2020 I was just there to pay Bills. She literally wants to bleed me dry emotionally and financially. I've never gotten over the affair and I never got an answer as to why. Now I'm better we've been working on things, but then I find out she was hiding a coworkers number and some other things. She got busted with a reliable veteran who helped me hack into her devices, Facebook, Instagram, whats app, text messages, deleted call messages, twitter and email account as far back as 2 years. He's available 24 HOURS. Calls or Text on whats app +19083490631. Contact him for closure rrackley416@gmailcom ...Now I know the truth, she says she's done. Nature of a Narc! What should i do at this point? Any ideas? i don't know if i still love her after all we've been through
Sigh. Wife is cheating with 2 neighbor men Plus many more. Recently dug up her text/call history to find multiple conversations to unknown phone #'s not saved on her contact.. I'm financially ruined for now .I will overcome and live my life fully . Thank you for teaching us . I
Yes! He loves the exes. I called it! From the moment I called the first ex "nobody" And yes. Forgiveness is golden. His ex moved in for a year. We're still best friends. I asked them both when he denied and she denied...I couldn't stop figuring out. Long ongoing story...so, YOU COMMON EGO! COULDN'T HAVE SAID IT ANY BETTER!! GOOD JOB WOMEN! I will NOT lose. So thank you.
THANK YOU SO MUCH Xoxo you have just lifted a crushing weight from my heart and soul that I honestly believed I would never get past you don't focus on why they are the way they are you explain why we feel the way we do and offer a way to heal that ability is so amazing and extremely unique ! So thank you for sharing your knowledge I feel like a complete and valuable person after seeing how to understand and accept what happened but also understanding how to move on without feeling broken and not good enough to be happy xoxo
Mine was cheating on me with the very person he said was too old. It turns out he cheated on me with her because she made her win a local pageant, and she was worth it. Ask me to be a friend and never apologize not even once.
I've been married for almost 42 yrs. and I'm sifting through my mind what was the truth and the lies. My awareness came as my husband's friendships with single women became more important than me, until I was invisible at home. In fact I think me and the house became fused as one thing. Being home meant he was with me even if he didn't talk to me and spent his attentions elsewhere. He's now in his 70s and they both were in their 40's. They were going through a tough time and he said he felt called to help them.
@rebelD58 No offense rebelD58 but... why did you allow his friendships with members of the opposite sex? That NEVER makes any sense. You should've drawn a boundary around yourself and told him "I'm sorry honey but I am no looking for a relationship with someone who entertains and gives their attention to other women." His attention ought to be, 100%, in ensuring that what you two have is as successful as it can be. Like it or not, the probability that someone in that group of friends secretly harbors a deep dislike and jealousy for what you have is very high. Some human beings can and are deeply troubled and will do really screwed up things to others.
My husband did all of the above. The first time I found out he cheated on me, was with his ex (shocking I know 😂) the second time was a coworker of his who he lied to and told her we were separated and I was violent and crazy. He told her if I find out about them I will ruin her life. Being as she didn’t know me at all. She believed him. So that’s how he manipulated her into keeping it a secret. The third and final time was the worst. My “friends” husband showed up to my house hysterical telling me that he came home early and just walked in on my husband and his wife. This was a girl who I told everything to. She knew what I was going through. Playing devils advocate, though, I fell for 13 years of lies from him. God only knows what kind of lies he told her. Although I will never speak to her again. I don’t blame her. I actually don’t believe any of the women. I fell for him, and believed what he told me. How can I blame another woman for doing the same thing? He’s good at manipulating people. If only he used that gift to manipulate people into giving back to their communities, to helping those in need, to being kinder and more compassionate to each other. He could change the world. Yet, he uses his skill for strictly selfish reasons.
@lauriejordan2716 In the Surviving Infidelity forums, the commentators say that the mere mention of an ex's name ought to put the significant other on high alert. Think in euphemisms: "while at lunch, I just happened to stumble upon my Robert/Jennifer (the ex) at The Cheesecake Factory" REALLY means he/she sought her/him out on Facebook for 4 months, then they started chatting behind your back (on Facebook, Snapchat and/or the iPhone, where his/her contact information is most likely stored under a name from the opposite gender,) and now decided to move on to revisit the physical connection. NOTE: This is the last step before intimacy usually starts. Act accordingly. You need to stop it right then and there. You need to find out the other person's contact, and speak to the other spouse to let her/him know what is going on. Namely that they're rebuilt the emotional connections and they are now trying to rekindle the physical part. DO NOT EVER think it's going to stop there. It NEVER does!
What about serial cheating with sex workers? As well as trying to sleep with anyone who gives them the time of day / tries to staet a relationship with someone else even if they aren't interested back all while still sleeping with sex workers?
After 23 years together, the narc cheated on me with a mutual friend. I couldn’t process the denial for many months. I was five weeks post op from major surgery. Found out a year ago. The cognitive dissonance is overwhelming. I finally put a down payment on an apartment. They are still seeing each other, as far as I know. In spouted if that, I’m terrified of signing the kease. I’m going to, however. My home doesn’t feel like a safe space anymore. Neither dies ny community because the affair partner is everywhere. Everyone loves her.
Your videos are VERY informative and spot on! Amazing how we learn and grow through the most difficult times. It's so important that we take our control back.
Let's see. His ex wife from 17 yrs before I started seeing him hung around his mom on the next block. There were always pictures of her like she was part of the family. She would not look at me. Very weird. He told me she cheated when their kids were 10,8, and 6 and they went to counselling for 2 yrs trying to save their marriage and he never once slept with her in those 2 yrs of counselling or anytime after she supposedly cheated. He said she asked for him back every time he started a serious relationship which I was his 3rd serious relationship in those 17 years. He asked for her back one time after he had taken her to cancer treatments and she was cancer free. I asked him what kind of cancer she had and he said he didnt know. I thought that was soooo weird. And it was one of the key red flags when I was figuring everything out.
I was in a relationship for 7 months. Most of the time we were great, never fought, slight disagreements but that’s it. He definitely had his issues but he had a rough childhood (surprise surprise). He spent Christmas with me and my kids and 3 days later he broke up with me. He went from “I love you and want to spend the rest of my life with you” to “I just don’t see a future for us I’m sorry.” I was DEVASTATED and utterly blindsided and So were all my friends because everything was so great. Fast forward 2 1/2 months and I’m trying my best to move on. I had written him a few letters in the beginning just to process and he thanked me for them and was kind in his own way. Other than a few text messages here and there we had no contact and I never saw him. Then the quarantine happened and I texted him to see how he was doing. Long story short, he asked if I would consider “reconnecting” but only in a “friends with benefits” way. Still not having closure and missing the intimacy I agreed. It had been 10 weeks and as soon as I walked into his place we ended up in bed. After a couple of weeks he tells me he wants to be “completely honest” and says he’s been talking to a girl who lives in Oregon. This was his plan... he and I have our time together - hanging out and having sex - while he’s talking to this girl AND I date other guys. And once I find someone I can be serious with then his and my arrangement will be over. Long story short, I find out (don’t ask how) that he was “workin” this girl BEFORE he broke up with me and was probably the reason he did. I’ve listened to many of their conversations (again, don’t ask) and he is feeding her the same crap he fed me. She has NO idea I exist not even as “the ex.” He’s flown up there twice that I know of and she’s coming in a couple of weeks so they’ve been intimate. She has 3 young children and in the middle of a divorce from a man who sounds like he was an overt narcissist. The divorce is so new that she’s keeping this guy a “secret” from friends and family. He doesn’t know that I know all this. I’ve just been going along with the arrangement until I decide what to do. I know I can leave him and go on with my life - everything I’ve found out has made me realize the kind of trash that he is so my eyes are wide open - but my heart hurts for her. I should tell her, right? It’ll hurt like hell but she should know so she can get out before he does more harm. I’m even considering flying to Oregon to tell her in person so he doesn’t try to paint me as some psycho ex.
You want to fly to Oregon to tell her? No hun...let it go. You don’t need this toxicity in your life. You are strong and you are better than this. I am so sorry you’re hurting but please walk away from this...he’s not worth it. People need to learn their life lessons on their own terms. She will come to the realization eventually. If you interfere, you will look like the crazy ex.
I think looking out for someone isn’t a bad thing. Especially if it may save her some heartache in the long run. I wouldn’t fly out there though. If it was me, I would prefer to be told so I didn’t have to keep living a lie. Especially when she is still getting out of a relationship from an overt. He can claim you’re a crazy ex but it will be on her radar to keep an eye out if she wishes
Thanks for your input. Well I did tell her. First via text and then we talked on the phone. She got him to “fess up” and tell her everything but she GAVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE. To her credit, she kept me out of it and he thinks he figured it out on her own. I pray for her but I’m done.
Dogs plus X it sounds more like you dodged a bullet to me. You’re worth more than that kind of treatment. It’s clear you have a good conscience and you care a lot about others. He never deserved you in the first place. It’s better to know early on someone’s nature so that you don’t have to keep dealing with the heartbreak they keep bringing into your life, right? I know it’s easier said than done.
*Think you may have had a relationship with a narcissist?* Download the FREE checklist to see how your experience stacks up to the phases of narcissistic abuse: www.commonego.com/checklist
The truth will set u free as the light the son og jusus i will fight the fight and tell god tge son of jusus and jusus the king when he said it time two gow home iam ready
I was married to a narcissist. I didnt know or understand until we divorced. He was busted cheating with one woman years ago, I took him back and made things work, so I thought. Then he was busted again with the same woman 5 years later. I orchestrated the divorce, said everything I wanted to say and am now absolutely no contact. I feel the best I have in years. Thank you for making these videos. I have learned so much and am so much more confident that I was never a crazy person. So much makes sense now. I'm not sure how i can forgive him though. I'm not there yet and we've been apart a year and 1/2.
@@jen4539 Remember that forgiveness is for you not him. I understand what you are saying and I know how much it hurts, I was devastated when it happen to me. But the best thing I did was see it for what it was and forgive. They are who they are, it's not a reflection of us. Aloha
They just lie an lie. They have a child like mind. If you didn't actually see it then you can't prove it no matter the evidence that points to the obvious.
@@jen4539 mine low and behold was with the other woman half the marriage (Coworker). He would come home from work after fuking her, and abuse and control me. Little did I kno she was the main and I was the "side piece." He was treating her way better than me. But he refused 2 leave me for her much less admit he was still seeing her. So now Im cheating until I can get outm
