HOW TO BE FRIENDS WITH DANISH PEOPLE: 8 Secrets for Socializing with Danes 

Holy shit, I am a Dane and the “Danes are planners” Is so fucking true

Oh god. If there is one thing Danes hate, it is when you make a joke, and someone goes “well actually that is really inappropriate because, blah blah blah.” Yes. I know that. That is why I thought it was funny. We do have our limits though, cause like you said, we ain’t jerks. Even if they are different from person to person.

Now I’ve only been in Copenhagen for a few weeks so I might still be a little bit naive but the whole thing that Danes have a reputation of being rude I don’t get . People have been genuinely super friendly & nice to me (so far ) If you’re in a store and they come up to you and start talking danish it fine letting them know you only speak English .they will gladly start chatting with you in English and you ALWAYS get “ have a good day “ . I really like the danish way of being upfront with you . You’ll know if a Dane likes you or not pretty much straight away. The whole none political correctness & dark humour is SO refreshing and if you can’t take a joke then maybe Denmark isn’t for you? Danes like their booze but as you mentioned many are swapping to alcohol free so you shouldn’t feel forced going out binge drinking every weekend.I think at the end of the day it’s what you make of it. Don’t try so hard be yourself and just go with the flow

If you want to be friends with a dane, you have to earn their respect, and prove to them that you are worthy of it. As you said, danes don't do superficial friendships, but friendships that can be compared to love relationships. Trust and honesty is everything.

I am constantly amazed at how much you pick up on about danish culture and how generously and caring you are in your description of us Danes. You’re right. We really aren’t cold! We’re very nice! Most of the time! 🤩 And I laughed so hard at the list of topics you can safely talk to Danes about. That was freakin hilarious! Princess Mary and Remoulade 🤣

I sat up when you used the word 'acquaintances'. I am English and when I went to America I was taken aback by the amount of friends people had. It took me a while to realise that Americans are happy to call somebody a 'friend' if they just knew them. At home, I would only call somebody a friend if they were really a friend of mine. Otherwise, I would say 'I know him'. ie he's an 'acquaintance' but I don't know him well enough to call him a friend. Btw it's also part of British culture to make fun of people you like. We're very polite at first but when we start pulling your leg and making fun of you, you know you're a friend.

always remember a gift for the host first time u show up in there house

I have one small addition - if you will. Food is culture - and particularly a huge part of danish culture, that we love to share. We enjoy sharing, showing and introducing people to the things we love - and we also love talking about food. For instance, just before Corona we had a discussion at the office about which cheap store bough cake was the superior one - which of course ended in a taste-off, where people brought their favorite to the mix and we settled it like men! .. meaning we ate cake and voted for it! But more than just sharing - (most of us) also love to talk about food. What we like, what we don't like, what we've tried, what we'd recommend - which places made it better. It's a fairly safe topic to talk about - and who knows, it might result in free cake, an invite to go out and eat or at the very least a recommendation where to find good stuff to try. All win! :)

As a Dane i like when people send a message “I am on my way now” or something like that because it gives me a sense of when they will arrive. And about the dark humor, if we tell a joke about a topic where you are very sensitive it’s okay to say maybe “I know it’s not meant mean but maybe you could joke about something else” and we will respect that you say how you feel about it.

Our humor is a blend of "dark" and "love"... If a Dane makes fun of you, that's a sign of acceptance... Embrace it.

I grew up and lived all of my life in DK (For context, I'm 26). Here's some thoughts on the points you made: - "Go Slow with the Friendships": Yeah, no, maybe. I think there's something to it, but I can't relate personally. People are different - I'm an extrovert, some are introverts. Some keep few close friends, others thrive better among a million strangers. I think, growing up, kids here are kind of expected to have a single best friend, but sometime during Efterskole I decided that this was a stupid concept for me, and I have gotten by with tonnes of normal friends/acquaintances since. - "Danes are Planners": True for me and everyone I know. - "Be prompt and Committed": Yes - but I thought about this and realized that there is a great shift in our culture as you get older. When I attended private parties in my teen years, and even into the early twenties, this was the total opposite experience. There were these unwritten rules that you should never show up on time - only weirdoes did that. It was a common sight to see only the few who weren't inclined to go party show up at the beginning of a party event. When I hosted parties, I kind of had to handle the awkward conversations with these people for the first half hour, before the rest dumped in half an hour later. Today, though, as I entered my mid-twenties, I can only agree. Be there on time, always. - "Home-invites are a Big Deal": I guess they are - I think it's hard to imagine it otherwise, having only lived here. You are very right about these things almost always being all-night affairs. And true, I have been scolded a few times, for making several appointments throughout an evening. - "Get Yourself Some Thick Skin": Very true. If you can joke around with someone, and they play along, they are much easier to be around. For this thing to work, however, it requires that everyone can both give and take. My experience is that one should be able to make fun of themself (to a certain degree), and the result is that people allow you to make fun of them. - "Non-PC Dark Humor": Yup, but again, I think the younger you go, the more ruthless they'll be. 'Dead baby-jokes' are a big thing for some reason. We've got nazi-jokes. Lots of bad stuff really :) They are horrible, but I think the absurdity is what some people find funny about it. I know I laughed a lot of times from the stupidest remarks. My Dad moved to Sweden many years ago, and through him I learned how this is a unique danish thing. I'm fond of it though, because I feel like it loosens up the atmosphere when people are not so uptight and too afraid of others' opinions to say something that's obviously funny in a given context. In regards to the politically offensive nature of our jokes, I think that it's hard to compare US and DK. I actually believe the average dane is way more progressive than the average US-citizen, but because of US-polarization some topics are harder to joke about overseas, whereas here, they are not as politically loaded. There are obvious exceptions of course, but generally, I think we can be less PC because we as a more PC-society is less divided. Maybe that makes no sense, I don't know, it did when I wrote it at this late hour. - "Alcohol at every Social Event": True. I'm a uni tutor at the coming semester, and we basically welcome the new students with a month of drinking. We have this saying that we teach them 'alcohol is an active choice to partake in', but I should be honest, it's not. It's an active choice not to partake in the drinking. We have a few non-alcoholic events planned, but most of them are centered around drinking. My experience is that a few of the new students will find this terrible. But, well, most will love it. - "Be Yourself": Amen to that.

You guys are a treasure!. Both us Danes and youtube are lucky to have you! I'd buy you a beer any time!

On Bornholm where I live, you have a lot of fællesspisning, a weekly or monthly dinner with other people you don,t know -. Not much drinking involved but a lot of nice food, humor and kindness. A nice way to get new friends I think. You just join in, paying a small amout and have fun.

the long winded road to friendship also has a dark side though. There are many lonely people in Denmark, who find it very difficult to bond friendships. Being lonely is a taboo in Denmark, so people wont admit to the loneliness, and therefore sort get stuck in it, while everyone around them have busy schedules.

I love that you guys acknowledge the intimacy most Danes put in an invite into their home (I know Danes that are totally clueless to this 🤣). It's also a part of why it needs planning, because the guests will be the most important thing that whole evening/night. It takes a lot of energy to make such a hyggelig night happen and the intent is show you that you matter, that they're carving out a place in their busy schedule for you, quite possibly for a life time. I know that I personally is exhausted when our friends leave after such a dinner but I am also buzzing with positive energy and happiness because the people I am connected with matters soooo much to me. They are my world.

2 years later I find this video and channel as I overly prepare for my first trip to Europe.

I use a little trick to stay in the comfy zone of drinking. When I empty a beer I actually always rinse the bottle/can with water. 1 it's not as sticky for the clean up. 2 the flies stay out of the kitchen. 3 when you return to the guests, no one knows your actually drinking a can of water, so it's kinda cheating, but not anyway. I drink with a frequency of 1 times 1, meaning 1 beer down = 1 can of water.. That way you can always keep a level head, and still be a part of the party..

Many true things, but remember there is a big difference in culture between big towns and small villages, east en west. Even in this small country.

i have this saying in my friend group, that is if you fall down your aquaintences are the one helping you up and your true friends are the ones laughing in the background. then again your true friends are the ones that will sit just talking with you over the phone for 4 hours if you truly feel bad

Knowing the part about: "How are you doing" could have saved me from a few embarrassing conversation with casiers in the US

When I first started to communicate with Americans, I also found it strange that they asked how I was doing, but I've gotten used to it, and I actually think it's a nice way to meet people. But only if they actually answer, instead of just saying "good, wby?"

Heeey, ten thousand subscribers. Congratulations 🥳👏🏻🎉

as someone who doesnt drink, it can really have a negative effect socially. not so much with adults but if youre in school it can definitely be quite sad sometimes. If youre a foreigner theyll probably actively try to include you but as a dane ive been excluded from many ''class'' parties, been called boring and so on just because i dont drink. After turning 18 My friends loved always having a designated driver though!

I regularly meet up with 6 of my classmates from 1. grade (of 1974), and they are not even among my closest friends .. got those in 80's and later.

The friends comments made me think of a discussion I have some time ago "Friends are people that will help you up when you fall, after they have finished laughing."

Spot on!

Really good insights

You two seems like such sweet people ☺️ I love that you have made a whole channel about life in Denmark 💕 And it is really fun to watch as a dane! Your danish friends are lucky to have you in their life 🥰 Keep up the good work guys 💪

If you are invited for something at 10.00 you arrive and are ready at 09.55 .. I just think it is a sign of respect for other peoples time that you are not late and if you are late you need to let them know as soon as possible! .. Never thought this was a "Danish" thing .. Just thought it was normal :D

As a Norwegian I get the "Don't ask "How are you doing?" unless you want an honest answer" thing. If a Scandinavian ask you this question, they are really curious about you and your life. They might notice or know that something has been going on, or that you have had changes in your life and want to hear about them. There have been many akward interactions at work between some of my coworkers and customers when we have meetings with English speaking foreigners, and they use "How are you doing?" as a greeting, and the Norwegian answers "Well, my ingrown tonail hurts badly and my mother passed away last night." 🙈🤣

Very perceptive and wise video. Well done

You two are right on the money ! Love each and every clip you make. Keep it coming. Knus

Congratz on the 10.000 Subs :)

Thank you for this awesome video´s of us Dane´s you have great topic of us, i realy like them, and they explain a lot i hope to all my USA and other countrys friends how we are in geranial.

i learn so much about myself from u guys hahah when u said we talk about the weather i have noticed we freaking always talk about the weather XD

That`s alomost spot on :-) As a Dane

It has been great to find your channel on RU-vid! My husband and I have Danish friends living in Copenhagen that we see rarely (we live in the US) but have maintained contact over many years. Your videos have really helped us to better understand Danish culture! We love Denmark and can’t wait to return for a visit when it is possible. Thanks for the time you take to educate us, we are big fans!

Thanks for a Great Video like always. What I learned that I've never really considered before is our obsession with punctuality (I even do it myself subconsciously).

As a dane i must say, You guys are duing so well its amazing i love watching your videos, In this one you got all the things spot on.

I love these kinds of videos from you guys. I truly admire your ability to put into words all the cultural phenomenons you observe ❤️

Great video :D i really like the part with weeknumbers... My partner is from Poland and she hates when ever i use weeknumbers for our common planning...

haha this is awesome :D As a Dane, you guys nailed a lot of things. It's nice to see Danes from another perspective.

Wonderful video!

My father was Danish and he was very friendly and affable on the surface, but made actual friends very slowly. His cousin, however, had the cold aspect that most people ascribe to Danes and he didn’t know his neighbors whom he had lived near for years! My father had a private reputation in the neighborhood but approachable.

so true

Love your perspective on things. Another great video. 🙂

If I'm invited to a friend to 18:00, and I arrive at 18:03, I of course apologize for being late.

You guys are very observant!! 👍

As a Dane I relate to all of these points! Were well done😊🌈

The greeting "How are you doing?" is also used in Denmark. It is just used differently than in the US. Here it is not something you use with coworkers on Tuesday morning, when you last saw them Monday afternoon. It's used when seeing friends and family, you haven't seen for weeks, months or maybe even years. It's a gateway for people to catch up on the time the have spent apart. In the US it is a very casual thing. It just means hello. Here in Denmark it does not mean that. I've watched 15-20 of your vids today. I'm glad you enjoy Denmark. I am from Jutland, and I waited and waited for you to mention Træls in your word video. I'm very happy you mentioned Træls, as it is by far my favorite word. It's the word I teach every foreigner I meet, and I use it DAILY! CPH has not yet learned the wonders of Træls, but as more and more from Jutland move there, they are starting to learn. Thanks for the lovely videos and for not being træls.

Love your sense of humor guys😄

Hey, I'm from Denmark and this video is not wrong. great video to learn how to Socialize with danish people. btw if you don't like drama and a little hard people, don't go to the city "Randers" in Denmark I would say they are a little too hyped ;D

I really find it interesting about your stance on politics and Danes. When I was in the US I felt the same. Politics were no go. Maybe it just feels rude as an "outsider" to engage in political dickussions No matter the nationality.

Hey congratulations 10.000 subscribers 😃

4.30 Well a in case you was a little late, a short note why, can be handy when getting there and be true.

I live in Denmark 🇩🇰 and all what you say was correct.😃🤪👍

I really like the part about the humor. Intent matters. And it is often used as social commentary. And not directed towards a specific person. The world is an unforgiving place, and humor is a good way you deal with it.

Thank you for a funny and so true way to look at Danes on Love the way u see things here 👍💪😃

I think most of what to said was spot on. I cannot really speak for other danes, but I like people who can just relax and be themselves. Dont try to be something else and take your time. Bluff, bluster and facades trends to be boring. But when people let go and just relax and talk about whatever they find interesting, you may find genuine connections.

The “how are you doing”-greeting thing! My family was recently deployed to a European NATO base for 5 years, with a lot of Americans and my kids went to the American school on base. It took me a good 2-3 years to learn not to answer “how are you doing” with an actual account of how I was doing at that particular time. I am so happy to hear you address this from the US point of view, because my accounts have definitely secured me a whole lot of bewildered (and slightly eye rolling) looks.

After spending too long debating with my partner, we decided that you both looked great in "Work-Life Balance"-colors for shirts.

You earned a Danish like for that list of Topics :)

You guys have a hyggelig shine to you👌. You could talk about dust particals and i would listen😅.

I am dying here. I can't breathe from laughing. You freaking nailed us.. BIGTIME. The only thing I don't agree upon 100% is the one about being invited to someones home. The thing about having to stay til, yea well, it's not uncommon that it will continue way past midnight. But you're not automatically expected to do so. As you said in the beginning about us as planners. You can plan that as well. Many of us, if we invite some for dinner. Then we will make clear if it's just dinner and coffee, or a whole evening/night thing. I love how you picked up on our humor. Especially the dark part of it. And yea. Daz is right too. When you just meet us we would almost never be rude. You gotta get in first. But that's where it begins. It's like, a friend will tell you, you look good. A REAL friend will tell you you're what the cat wouldn't even drag in and left outside, and it is love, not hate. To quote a famous danish comedian: "Tonen ka' lyde hård, men det er kærligt ment." - Anders (Anden) Matthesen It means something like: "The tone may be rough, but it's meant with love." and we actually mean it. It really is meant with love however odd that may seem. xD PS. The rest of the world must learn to eat licourice. And NOT the sweet swedish ones. But the really bitter danish ones. Rustent søm (rusty nail) is a winner. And if you wanna go all in you gotta find a real licourice root. Now that is real licourice. ;)

The list of “safe conversation topics” is HILARIOUS 😂👍🏼😂

not easter egs. But I did think fruit with melon and pineapple being the two fruits of choise... Which now got me in the mood for both. So ones this fabolous video is over, I'll hit up one of the super markets and snatch up both pineapple and water melon. Also you guys do it right. We are keeping our friend bases small, but for life. So to all you wonderful forigners that visit. Yes, do your best, keep at it. and in the end you will succeed. Also, if you want danish friends remember, that if you lieave the country again. You will have a danish friend for life, as previously mentioned. We keep friends for life. So be ready to be kept

All your points are true, and fun to watch from your point of view ─well done!😊 I think being to *more than one appointment* in one day can be a sign of F.O.M.O. (Fear Of Missing Out) for the guest, if he/she goes from one party to the other. That is not something I have ever encountered here in DK, so your observation is spot on. I don't think it would be rude to try to be at more than one place at once; I'd more feel sorry for the guest, who would only get a partial experience at each house.

Well if ever on Fyn. You are very welcome at our little home in Haarby. We just need some notice ahead of time, so we can plan it. ;) We want people to feel welcome.

I rarely meet foreigners, but i would love to make friends with them! I love the English language and learning about other cultures.

You guys get it. I hope you enjoy your stay here.

As a sort-of-expat (29 years in Sweden) I find most of Your observations eerily exact - but with the twist that You has a solution (mostly "roll with the blow"). I feel that You might have neglected that when You have a real friend in DK, they're all in! Move housing? OK, when do I come to do lifting? You feel down and need some talk? Cool, I'll arrange to come home later if possible, then we'll talk!

Short note on Non-alcoholic beer: its becomming more and more commonly available, and some often drink those instead of softdrinks and not as a replacement for normal beer

Great video as always. For me, communication in friendships are important. If you want to join my event but also really want to join something else later, just let me know ahead of time. If I meet up with friends earlier in the day, we usually coordinate whether lunch/dinner is involved or not (so we can plan).

It's nice that you also give examples of how it is in the US. Even though I think of myself as a person who knows a bit about American culture some of it is new to me.

one comment about alcohol. watching sugar rush christmas a lot of their memories were alcoholic. for the christmasses I know about it is red wine for dinner and a glass of port with dessert. lunches of course has beer,shots and gløg. I make christmas ornaments and is a bit crazy about christmas. watching your videos have inspired to make an american influenced drum. how do you decorate and celebrate christmas.

Your advice on Danish humor is excellent 😊 They key is to look at the intent, not the words themselves. The words can be pretty dark and gruesome.

So funny I just watched 3 items of you guys and not a single one dis like at all 3 of them....tumbs up. 3 hours later I'd noticed that youtube doesn't show dislikes any more. I'd heard about it but didn't realised it would start today.

Im allways looking forward to your videos. Today i was home from work 18.00 and there was non! 🤷‍♀️😊 The easyiest way to befriend a dane is beeing totally honest and open, ppl will adore you 😁❣️

The be yourself I never really thought of, but you are right. When I think about it, it's really is annoying when people pretend to be something that ain't. And in that context don't brag, it's fine if you have great success people will respect it. Just as long as you don't flash you wealth, better just be a generous without really showing. And as you said, don't be late. Really hate when people are showing up late, are you invited to 19:00 you show up at 19:00. +-5 minutes no more.

When attending HTX, I had an english teacher from the "US of the US of A". Already back then, she'd lived here for years. She had almost no accent, in fact she'd picked up quite a bit of the local dialect, but she really struggled trying to understand the humor in - say - Ørkenens Sønner, Zirkus Nemo or maybe Linje 3. Humor between two persons is relatively easy because of the ping-pong, facial expressions, the wink in your eye and all that jazz, but I'd like to know if you are able to understand the humor in stage shows? I appriciate that you're not fluid in Danish after a just a handfull of years here (a little "secret": Danes also spend quite some time learning English). Our Crown Princess Mary does not understand Danish stage show humor - at least she said so in an interview some years ago. She was attending a Zirkus Nemo show, and most of it went straight over her head, she admitted. "Bager Jørgen", especially, was beyond comprehension. I find him hillarious. Your thoughts on this? Anyway: we all love Eddie Izzard - don't we 🤗

Thanks for this great video. It seems that Danish culture is very similar to my Dutch one, especially about the having a thick skin and 'dark' humor. Many expats complaining about us BEING rude and cold, in stead of saying "strikes me as rude/cold" respectively, should ask themselves whether they have the correct mindset for living in a foreign country.

I laughed out loud at "Sweden" being a safe conversation topic. I'm guessing that may not be true for us Swedes!? 😅

Thanks for the video. I know this isn't really the point of the video, but how have you networked within the expat community? any suggestions? (context, I'm an American moving to Copenhagen in a few months)

I have never been to Denmark before. However though in Canada where I live, I have a Dane friend from Denmark. I love Danes, I want to make more Dane friends and i want to take a trip to Denmark someday.

Quick question: I heard a person say “the best way to learn danish is to learn Swedish and then get drunk, but don’t tell that to a Dane, cause they will knife you for comparing them to Sweden.” How true does that sound to you?

You are great, and right😀. Even for a Dane it's really hard to meet new friends, and it takes a long time. But your advises are helpful for me as well (even though being a 46 year old man who have lived here a my life😀) By the way what does"Robe Trotting" mean, I'm somewhat confused 🙄.

I saw that with my son. He has four + one, very, very close friends (one is a girl). They have known each other since kindergarten, gone to school and high school together, and still spend a lot of time together. Some times it is actually fun to see: The girl came over, they would sit down and do their homework together.... maybe speak a few sentences together. And that was that. Anyway: When an iternational colleague tried to join him, do stuff with him, his answer was short: I dont need new friends. To an outsider it may have sounded arrogant, but he was just being honest. He has the bestest friends he can get...and you just cant get new old friends.

About the "How are you" greeting: Try a more casual "What's up" (or "Hva' så?" in Danish)

I think the definition of friends may vairy form person to person :) My way of sorting between friends and acquaintances is simply: Would I be able to call you in the middle of the night and get help? if yes, we are friends otherwise acquantances. It can be really good acquanteces, but still acquaintances.

I can definitely relate to most of these - although I will have to say, I have absolutely nada idea what week we're in - and idk anyone else who knows either, maybe except my boss? but he's like 65 years old... Otherwise it seems pretty decent overview :D

10:43 "Joke around with Princess Mary"?! Never would I joke with the royals. Never. (I still liked the video ;) Sweden however... Go nuts! A video on your thoughts on the royal family would be fun! It's quite the culture-shock, I would think. Watching the Queens new years speech, the palaces, guards, the concept of a royal family etc. An American view on that could be fun :)

This is a great video, you really nailed it, I think if foreigners watched this and applied it, they could save themselves a lot of grief in danish society. As a half-dane, I know understand why I went wrong a lot in the past, because I didn't get some of these from my other culture. Planning and being punctual, yet being authentic and direct, it's quite contradictory in some ways and I think that might be what confuses foreigners. It's like, in social settings you would think Danes to be very casual and easy going, but when it comes to planning and being punctual, they do a complete 180. This can be difficult to grasp I think.

2 things, 1) if you say you are driving, pregnent or even got to get up early tomorror, alot of us danes will suprice you with a small stash of non alcoholic we have 'just in case' so we can be good hosts 😂 2) the visiting part is true but there is a twist. We don't mind short evening events, but we tend to set the frame ahead so here is a normaly accepted way: You get invitet and accept the invitation with the declairation that you have to leave early do to x. It shows that you want to and put in the efford, and might even get you a 2nd invitation before you get to the 1st one 🙂

I love that sweden is among things you can talk to danes about. Alcohol is a big part of our events and if you go people will poke you and try and make you drink most of the times this is just joking and having fun we don't think it is rude if you say no and though many will try to pressure you especially at first we will accept a no without getting offended. About being on time and late depends on the event setup if you as an example say dinner is at 6 but invite is at 5 then it is okay to come within that hour and usually latest 15min before dinner for greetings if invite is at 5 and no dinner time has been added then depending on the people inviting you can usually come 5-10 min early or late without notice

I found this fascinating. As an American who had European grandparents (Dutch on my mother’s side and Italian on dad’s side) I’ve always been interested in other cultures. This is probably a sweeping generalization but it seems like a lot of more the “northern” European countries have similar traits like directness and punctuality, whereas people from the countries that are farther south like Italy, Spain, and Portugal have more boisterous, slightly more “loud” personalities. They are also seen more social in general. I’m not sure which type of culture I’d prefer, but I’d probably prefer almost any European country over the United States currently. Denmark sounds lovely. Thanks for the perspective!

My mother's family, four generations, back is Danish. I swear, the more I watch these videos, the more I believe Denmark is part of me, despite never going there or knowing anything about Denmark. These social norms are SO up my alley. Edit: Dark Humor? Bring it on.

Instead of always writing "great video" I'll just do this now: 👏👏👏 once again you are so concise and funny. Derek: I might look like I'm used to rejection but I'm actually not 🤣🤣😍

Direct, is the truth. Do what you are saying and what you like. Its all in the head. Make it better, make it matter!

I can't stand being late to anything. If anything I'm usually early and I'll just wait until it's time to go in.

I think that think about only one thing on one night is different from person to person and depends on the situation. You don’t have to stay at one party as that can be hard. There might be two birthdays... it depends.