How to be socially magnetic | Ben Chai | TEDxSurreyUniversity 

"Add value to every person you meet." Simple as that. Well done Ben, this is a really really REALLY powerful TED Talk

1.develop self worth (mirror technique) 2.accept the way you are 3.self affirmations 4.add value to everyone you meet 5.what makes you exicted about life? 6.go deeper and deeper into the opposite person favourites 7.walk away from negativity

You don't realize this but as you grow up, being surrounded by people like Ben is a blessing

You can tell this guy has really practiced his presentation and is fully confident in the message that he’s sharing

"Add value to every person you meet." Make the other person the main character in your conversation. Amazing and thanks a lot.

I had ZERO self esteem and practically hated myself until I started speaking positive affirmations in the mirror. It was SUCH a challenge to start but looking back if it wasn’t for that one practice I wouldn’t be the successful confident young woman I am today💕 KNOW THY SELF

Great talk. Unresponsive audience. feed them to the crocodillos

How to be magnetic instantly: • Develop Self-worth • Add value to other's peoples lives • Learn to Walk Away (Negative People)

Everyone ALWAYS comments “horrible audience”, but they’re supposed to listen without clapping wildly. Also, the audio engineers probably quiet the audience a bit so we can hear the speaker.

And 15:35.. adding context, some people look like they are tolerating you but might actually be dealing with social anxiety. Have discernment. Your persistence and warmth with someone who is finding it hard to express themselves might leave a positive impression of care and warmth that others fail to give. Keep your compassion and keep an open mind. You don't know the reason why someone acts the way they do, and normally its their own insecurities and nothing to do with you.

This man won my heart he is so kind

I read Ben Chai´s book "Social Magnetism" half a year ago. It has dramatically changed the way I network.

Horrible audience. This guy was amazing.

Networking and attracting the right people is kind of an art. And indeed, it's all about adding value. Read Ben's book, Social Magnetism, and really recommend it as it's very practical and contains lots of insights.

This was so incredibly helpful to watch. As someone who’s struggled their entire life with personal image, and social anxiety, it’s been difficult to try to communicate with people in a way that portrays conviction, confidence, and connection. Immediately showing interest in that persons passion, what makes them happy, what brings them joy, it opens the door to a conversation that’s valuable to everyone. A very simple but effective way to connect with someone on a much deeper level. I’ll take this with me

I HAVE DONE THE MIRROR THING SINCE HIGH SCHOOL. I always told my friends about it when they were struggling to appreciate themselves - and I believe it helped them through the years. when I am having a rough day, I look at myself in the mirror and remind myself what is great about me. I think it's important to recognize millennial culture in this practice too - selfies and snapchat and mirrors aren't solely about being narcissistic, but instead, building confidence in a microscopically judgmental world.

6:30 BRO I DO THAT ALL THE TIME BEFORE I GET INTO THE SHOWER it is because im a bit vain but looking at myself in the mirror for a few minutes and just think "damn that is a fellow with potential" really does help

To be a social magnet, I must build self-esteem, add value to people and learn to walk away from the crocodile Thank you sir

I love how Ben demonstrated immediately what he is "preaching" - how he got Trayan on stage. So simple and yet so powerful.

So much positive energy

1. Self - worth (mirror technique) 2. Give value to ppl (keep ur phone away, go deeper on convos, ask qs that excite them) 3. Walk away from crocodile

This lively speaker grew on me as I listened. I love his three tips for being "socially magnetic". Turns out I've spent way too much time: * hurling recriminations at myself; * isolating from others; and -- * flossing the teeth of crocodiles! (This is ludicrous, because I am AMAZING.)

BARS! That point, walk away. The push and pull, bring people flocking to your life. You give the a little value, then let them come to you. I find myself pushing for friendship and get flaky people.

I had the pleasure of spending some one-to-one time with Ben yesterday and he is exactly as he presents himself - authentic, positive and fun-loving. He is certainly socially magnetic and a true inspiration.

This helped me more than any pill or therapy session. This is one of the best talks I have heard. I've listened to this several times and I thank you Ben. You blessed me immensely with your story . Namaste.

I love Phindi...every time I see her in the mirror I can’t help but stop for a sec to admire her.. I call her PUC (pretty up close). Coz she is a fox up close but not so shiny from a distance😉. I guess a lot of people find her interesting coz she has the ability to connect with just about anyone on a 1st encounter. But the moment they show too much interest, it drains her of her energy and she goes back to her wonderful shell. And that’s my story I walk away even when I should stay and then I beat myself up about it for a little while before their memory fades and then I remember how nice and comfy my shell is and I go back inside with the biggest smile on my face.😌

I think its really charming how Ben is replying to everyone on here. That's some practice what you preach kind of thing. Its really inspiring how he didn't give up on humanity after the way he was treated

Kirill from Russia here - found your social magnetism talk really helpful in connecting with others

I love this speaker, he’s so funny &his personality is adorable!!!!

It’s all love, positivity & tranquility. From Shirlane RW

I've noticed that Ben himself has answered many of the comments personally. How lovely is that. An infectious enthusiasm.

For me the problem is that most of my favorite topics aren't "icebreaker" material. Meaning I have to search DEEP into my brain to find something to say to someone to not sound boring.

This is really educative. I always regard myself as an introvert even though I have things to offer. Value that is. I go to social gatherings and meet ups and I always hold back. Maybe I feel noone will listen to me, or that I'd get embarassed. But you know what, I will show up more. I will connect and network with people more. No harm in that. And as Ben has said, if it feels forced, I will walk away. Cheers to us putting ourselves out there more

Brazil likes social magnetism. This gentleman brings the best out of everyone and THAT’S what’s about! Great talk!

This is a great TEDx Talk on Social Magnetism, Ben Chai. I really like the way you emphasised it all starts with developing self-worth and adding meaningful value to people and learn to walk away from people who do not value you.

One of the kindest guys I've ever seen and very knowledgeable about his various skills, great ted talk!

I can relate with your past. Now, I walk into a room and all eyes on me 🥰

Since 2018, i been following you Ben and now that i am in Turkey, many people around me also got inspired by your guidance. Turkey loves you Ben 🙏🏻

I’m really glad RU-vid recommended this bc these days 90% of Ted talks are repetitive and little value add

Never ruffle a crocodile's feathers. I love that. Brilliant advise.

“Be the oasis in the storm” that hit rly deep for me

I love this TEDx talk which I have viewed as part of my journey towards acceptance, dignity, compassion and kindness. In this talk Ben bravely exposes his personal story and shares some impetrative take-home messages: - Use the ‘mirror technique’ to learn to love yourself - Add value to people - Walk away from the “crocodiles” I highly recommend reading his book about social magnetism which speaks about attracting the right people and communicating with them in an effective and humane way.

Adding value to people is a very important lesson. People who are liked the most are sociable, and mostly good listeners. Barely any person is boring, everyone has something interesting to share, their passions and life if you just ask the right questions and listen. It´s beautiful to see. I have a friend who judges people a lot after meeting them once, and it´s a pity because people are not not boring or this or that when you dońt really try to understand how they are and why.

Having worked with Ben, he is the consummate professional. He is a savvy entrepreneur who leads with his heart helping others to learn and grow. He is an expert presenter who is well rehearsed and knowledgable on many levels. This

Brilliant talk about how simple life should be, accept yourself for who you are and to be positive too, the right people will come to you. I remember being that little boy and I definitely feel different about how I feel about myself. Now where is that mirror 💥🔥❤ Amazing Ben thank you !!

One of the best Ted talks ever. The way he spoke, the way he carried himself. The little bits of humour here and there. And the great advice. It was amazing.

1. Develop self worth 2. Add value to people everywhere you go. (Ask a question that makes them feel excited) 3. Walk/run away from the crocodiles

Thank you to everyone and TEDx Surrey for providing a lovely platform to share and for all your lovely comments. Below are a few behind the scenes notes. Do feel free to add your own persepctives :-) *Develop self worth by deep self acceptance.* Affirmations are a great tool but have been shown to be ineffectual long term. For example, if someone used an affirmation such as "I am great" and used this affirmation every day. Your unconscious self will be shouting this is a lie - "I am not great". This tension between your conscious self and your unconscious self will ultimately cause depression, or stress related illnesses. . *Adding Value* Adding value to other people's lives is also tricky one for many reasons. Three examples:- you may not feel you can add value to someone because you do not connect with their vibe, you have lack of your own self-worth (hence why the first point is important), you may feel that compared to you they are significantly accomplished in life. This Tedx talk shares how you can add value to others when you feel you have no value to give. For example, if you have low self esteem or what society may label as a lowly job. *Learn to walk away* Finally learning to walk away.....depending on the culture, society and self-worth, many find it difficult to walk away. An understanding of what we mean by negative people is also important. In strategic terms, 1. Walk away from people who abuse you. ie they abuse who you are or your time. 2. Walk away or severely limit contact with people who drain you. There is nothing particularly wrong with these people and other people would probably enjoy being with them but for you they just drain your energy. People who are constantly complaining but never taking any action to deal with their complaints may be an example. 3. "Negative" people....nobody is inherently negative or positive. Many businesses fail because they do not listen to "negative" people or label people as negative rather than evaluating whether the person's perspective is right for a give time and situation and then using risk management techniques to mitigate the potential unwanted outcome.

Mantra: May my time here be beneficial to all beings💕

This person is a very strong man. Remaining a good person after bad things happened to him uffff....... I want to be like him 🤩

What a wonderful speaker! So lovely and giving. :)

Wow, thought provoking stuff. Didn't know loneliness was the biggest killer on the planet! Loved the practical demonstration on how you can add value to everyone around you

As someone who long ago learned not to feed the crocodiles 🐊 it’s great to hear from a like minded soul. Being a psychiatrist, I can appreciate how Ben has found his Zen through social & business strategy that builds and invests in great teams to run his companies then lets go of them to let them fly. Bravo!

1.mirror technique 2.gjve value to people 3.walk away from crocodile

Wow...Never thought adding value would be something as simple as listening to people talk about themselves for a while

Quiet inspiring. I took away not allowing people to talk negative about themselves around me.Well done Ben,I love your spirit.

great talk and a reminder of how we want the world to be ... adding values, avoiding crocodiles

He’s an Expert in Networking 👑

He seems like such a lovely, warm-hearted person. His aura is so beautiful.

3rd point is life saving, time saving. Energy saving. Many crocs around me😁 I will run away too. Thanks

This is my area I have worked with clients for 20 years on this and I love it. Also meeting people and leaving them with the impression of increase, when they walk away from you they feel better for the interaction.

He put the words to my recovery from depression and anxiety. What a beautiful life lesson.

The mirror technique - amazing. It teaches us to be kind to ourselves and practice self love. I'm glad you found something that works for you and that you're sharing it with the world. Keep it up Ben!

I learned when someone asks you “what do you do”, they’re calculating the level of respect to give you.

I've always been a fan of Ben Chai but i think he really brought it on this talk. So many great ideas i had to grab a note pad and start taking notes. Thanks for sharing Ben and keep up the good work!

Very useful self improvement tips from Ben! Key takeaway is Believe in yourself and there are little things ( you can do on day-day basis which can have a big impact over longer term. Also 'Add value to other people lives' whenever you can!!

Lovely person and a great speaker

Love everyone unconditionally and they will love you back.

Ben, brings charisma and warmth and great wisdom. He gives everyone hope in their lives, as he says 'love yourself.' Being someone who suffered bullying throughout their life, it is only now that I am believing in myself and loving myself. I am now happy in my own skin. Thank you so much Ben :)

I loved the talk! Very insightful and easy to listen to. 3 points, easy to remember, and simple enough to practice! Sometimes people focus on being the centre of attention themselves to feel magnetic, but to put the spotlight to others is actually the secret. (And run away if you accidentally put spotlight to a crocodile, though, right?) I think only people truly confident with themselves can give the spotlight to others, because they do not need others' confirmation as they give themselves self-confirmation.

the way i broke down watching this. Thanks Ben.

Ben’s very charismatic and relatable, an absolute legend.

step 1. build confidence. add value to yourself. SELF WORTH method: mirror technique step 2: add value to people method: ask them questions like, what are you passionate about? talk about things that excites them. take selfies with people ans put it up. step 3: need to learn ro walk away. run away from crocodiles. method: legit cut em off -walk away from being tolerated. no one wants to be tolerated.

Gives you permission to love yourself. Great

Watched this the morning of a big interview and social gathering I was feeling anxious about. Incredible

The mirror technique is something I haven't done consistently, but after watching this, I definitely will be implementing it into my life! I did enjoy the second technique as well because I am a person who enjoys learning more about a person and their interests. Small talk is important, but can easily become repetitive conversation. Final note, please do avoid crocodiles everyone!! Inviting people with negative intentions into your space will drain your energy and deflate your sense of self. Love people who love you back. This was a wonderful piece.

Really love what you shared. People connect with and date people they like. They do business and build empires with people they connect with. This is one of the most valuable talks I've heard. It not only takes concepts such as relationship capital to a totally different level but shows how people to develop it too.

Well done! Magnetic Ben👋

Amazing talk, thankis

Amazing talk Ben... Never teach a crocodile to floss... Love it!! Ben, excellent talk, thank you sharing your gift with the world.

Aww he seems bare softhearted

Yes, I want to live longer :) 1. Develop your self worth - value yourself, positive affirmations - mirror technique, accept yourself. 2. Add value to people you meet everyday - Instead of asking data sharing questions, ask questions that are exciting. 3. Walkaway from negativity.

This was a great talk Ben! I moved to London 2 years ago from Canada and it’s honestly been really hard on me because people in London really are like walking zombies and it’s so draining. I’ve had to learn to just do things myself cause everyone’s lack of motivation and lust for life is depressing and made it so hard wanting to stay here. I’ve found a few good people and that’s made a world of difference. Sorry the the crowd was full of these lifeless people ❤️

Interesting n informative talk . Thank you, bless you . All your dreams come true.

Very encouraging, someone who has been in a very dark place can really uplift their self and start to love them self!! Ohkiera

One of the best Ted talk! Thank you Ben!

This was a great talk. Some of my favorite conversation starters are questions akin to what he asked; 'what do you prefer doing with your spare time,' 'if you could recommend one music artist you think is under-rated, who would it be?'

"Be an oasis". Just a couple of months ago I realised that's what I want to be. Someone who looks the best, sounds the best, talks the best and interacts in the best possible way he can. Why not be the best person you can - for yourself and for everybody else. How beautiful would it be if you and I met, and, haven taken the vow to be the best we can, both of us get a warm smile from each other. Just because we have chosen that that's what we want to give, because everybody deserves it. And we'd both feel (even) better. :)

Amazing! I love this speech! Thank you, Ben, for sharing it with us!!!

I can really relate to this TED Talk

Great talk, an I Love Doctor who too!!! God bless y'all

Great Talk Ben! If only everybody would watch it.. it would be a better world. Crazy to see how 'simple' things are often overlooked . Such a powerful message, wish I was in the audience! Will watch again and again, now onto the book!

Thank you! This technique helped me from the very first try. I don't even know how to thank you. It is a great talk

love yourself, go deeper in conversations (don't just ask the shallow repetitive questions) and stay away from bad people

Mirror technique you mentioned for self-worth everyone should practice every day. I like the way you talk about your personal experience. Add value to anyone you meet not superficially but being genuinely interested. You share powerful insight when you said that sometimes you become a connector between two individual to add value. You don't need to add value always directly. You need to learn to walk away from crocodiles.

love this. It works. I do this all the time. I do need to work on the selfie opportunity

Thank you Ben for that wonderful talk.

This was a great talk. Thoroughly enjoyed his energy

Hello from Cuba !!! Amazing Speaker excellent!!!

A wonderful Ted Talk! I think one of the best ones ever for all audiences! We all need to add value and believe in ourselves. I love how he reminded us to love ourselves and to walk away from the negative/crocodile. You have to have self-worth, and he shares with us how to add value to our lives. Ben is inspirational and hopefully will do more talks!