Single woman here who has followed Esther and her practices for some time now. Can never get enough of what she has to share. Unfortunately many people out there are not operating in a space that allows for successful relationships. These teachings should be mandatory before marriage and after divorce.
Esther is a genius! My husband & I play @ the park on the swings, slide & jungle gym! It is so fun to have him push me on the whirly, whirl! This 30 min fun activity causes the next 2-3 days to be joyful! Play is absolutely essential to our marriage! I am 54 & my husband is 62!
@@christinah.8504you need to play more instead of being an unpleasant person making gratuitously mean comments about people obviously far nicer than you 🤡
“humor and play is possibility. possibility invites change. change invites healing” what an incredible quote. i just recently found Esther and i love her perspective!
To whoever is reading this, you are loved. You are blessed. Your dreams are manifesting as we speak. Time is on your side. Everything will work out in your favor. May you find more love, peace and prosperity. Keep shining your light in this world. We need you and we love you. Bless you with all the best🙂 💖💖💖
I love the focus on humour! My friends and I call this “clowning”. Where we exaggerate an aspect of a situation with jokes or even an expression of emotive embodiment of the irrational fear. For the purpose of bringing it to light for observation of the group in a palpable, digestible way.
i loved the focus on "play" at the end of this conversation. When i was in university, i studied psychology and did some research and wrote papers on how fundamental play was in child emotional development for both boys and girls. Which also lead me to secondary research on how important fathers are in play and emotional development from childhood into adulthood
3:15 We are not the same person with different partners. Different things come out, depending on what is being sent over to us...we are constantly responding to each other. Different people bring out different aspects that are already within us. Thankyou Lewis & Esther for such an insightful & powerful interview! I feel more empowered to make positive changes within myself to heal a painful marriage. 🙏💖
i love how esther talks about the importance of humor even “making fun of”. i’m a survivor with cptsd and my favorite relationships involve roasting ourselves and one another in friendly ways that don’t cause pain just lots of laughter. i realized through this conflicting values don’t always have to mean tension, stress, and arguments. not everyone feels safe playing with everyone though.
This video of Esther Perel is great and more than great... enlightened, for us who walk in the dark without knowing it. Merci beaucoup Esther Perel !!! 🏮
I truly wish I'd found her and these conversations at least 4 (if not more) years ago before the catastrophe I've experienced over the last 3 years-the loss of my beloved wife of 48 years due to the growing distance between us and ultimate "irreconcilable differences" that drove her to leave our marriage and not return. Everything I've heard so far is exactly what we needed to hear together.
Wow! Brilliantly authentic and insightful as always. The questions to ask ourselves. Who was I in this relationship? What role did I play? What did I see that I didn’t want to pay attention to? What things do I wish I had done differently? Where do I wish I said less and where more? What did I learn from this relationship ? Who do I want to be in the next relationship? 3:12 we are not the same person in every relationship which is a "figure 8" of dynamics 4:14 not blaming game but understanding the dynamics 5:34 What keeps us "connected-alive" with a sense of possibility? Calibrating expectations; Diversifying your social connections; taking risks, doing new things and play. 08:06 humour is essential
I’ve never heard anyone explain things so well like this before. It makes things so much easier to understand. It gives us a better insight into everything.
Wow! I have only watched a minute and a half and I am already blown away! I already need to rewind and then stop for personal reflection! If you are stumbling onto the work of Ester Perel for the first time, listen closely and find more videos! So much insight and wisdom and her ideas are applicable to both women and men. Thank you!
without communication there is no negotiation, no transformation, no relationship. And we can't blame or win anything unless both sides are heared. We must listen and communicate, the end. Beautiful interview Mr. Howes. 🤭🌹
After watching this video I kinda understood why my relation collapsed, total and absolute lack of sense of Humour. I`m sure many people think sense of humour on both sides is not that important. I can freaking garantee you it is utterly important. And especially if your partner has basically zero sense of homour , then, my friend, you are Done. And I agree with Esther, at that point, when there is zero humour, the relationship is OVER, dont even try to salvage it, cause you cant.
The depth of understanding and ability to see how it all works (or doesn't work) is astonishing. I can see how my failed relationships went wrong but also my successful relationship worked. Then realising I knew this all along. Brilliant video. Should be compulsive viewing at 20 yrs old!
My 3 rd marriage and we are still on fire for each other Of course I married the ultimate marriage therapist. It’s work but it’s work I love doing! There is nothing better than finding your true love 💗
Duuude I just realized that I hadn't had time to listen to your podcasts lately, I actually remembered how I enjoy them. Not just the guests but the interaction, your listening skills and the fluidity of it all.
This is an excellent clip. Understanding our role in our past relationship failures is key. It's much easier to blame and see the problems of our past partners then it is to accept that our role was just as significant and damaging. By taking time to heal our inner wounds it changes how we show up in relationships moving forward; which is definitely a blessing. What an unhealed heart looks for in a partner and brings to the relationship is much different than what a healed heart looks for and knows they now have to offer. 💛
Ahhhh my bf always tease me, every single day, never gives me normal selfies, always weird pose selfies. I asked him, when you're gonna stop to tease me like this? And he said, I wish never. The moment I stop tease you means I stop caring about you. Since then, I tried to loosen up and be playful with my bf like in the beginning of our relationship ☺️😆
Yes!! Humor and play is soo so important for passion and fun in a realionship! I bring so much to the table and if a guy doesn’t see it then oh well! 😂🥂🙏. I’m a hoot and amaze myself some days! lol
Thank you both for this … great questions, wonderful insight and her wisdom is so valuable, I could listen to her all day….Esther’s a jewel. Appreciate this interview very much
I wish this Intelligent educational conversation had less of a commercial and simplistic headline, since it actually i think stops people from watching it for the correct reasons.
I cannot begin to express how grateful I am for this interview 🙏 So many great questions and break throughs for me.Absolutely magic especially about intimacy and yes I agree.Thank you to both of you.I feel empowered 🧡
I think Esther is very wise. I have a question though. It happens sometimes that you are married and to a spouse that gets a mental illness or a dissorder and really doesn’t whant help. We are living in the assuption that everybody is just neurotic but never ill. But there are ill people, and I think that is something we must not be naive about. Many of us are trying to hard for too long.
The film Life is Beautiful is a powerful example of a father helping his son psychologically survive a concentration camp experience by creating/narrating an imaginary "game" to create joyful play in the midst of trauma and terror. Play is a survival skill!
I knew my marriage was definitely over when he refused to laugh at my jokes anymore. I’m really funny. He would rarely have sex with me for 10 of our 24 year marriage but I knew it was over when he refused to play with me or laugh.
Lewis, you don't need to interject, it's ok to just listen sometimes. It was at times very distracting and frankly didn't apport anything to the conversation. But thank you for the content nontheless.
I tell the men I dated, the common denominator in these relationships that have ended is me. I made significant contributions to the demise of the relationship.
8:04 sorry ladies, this one is for the guys - most women just aren’t funny, it’s not easy to find a woman you’re attracted to who has a great sense of humour, witty and can genuinely make you laugh… but they do exist, so don’t be average and pick someone who doesn’t have that quality, you’ll regret not waiting.
How do you handle when I'm the only one wanting to play ...he plays and flirts with others but says we live together so no need to play with me and my desire for it pushes him away
I'm not and expert and far from it. My heart tells me if being playful is a need for you than just be playful for your own health. Be playful with others and with him if it is received, but never dim yourself. Be joyful for you... I think he will eventually see the value in it
Being the Perfect Partner means being a Whole Person without having to have another person to complete you. You Should already be complete. And as far as supplying someone else's needs be careful, because if you are a Whole Person and they are a Whole Person then each can take care of there own needs and that way a Whole Partner can be a Luxury and not a Needy Necessity in a Relationship. Whole Complete Mature Adults know how to behave with one another. Get Yourself Fixed so that you don't bring unwanted garbage in and "Ruin" what may be a Future Whole Relationship and a Life Story and perhaps also some Love as well.
My ex said i have contributed to our downfall which i don't deny and have recognized several times during conversations, he says i made him feel unloved, I'm not affectionate person, my question is, is that enough reason for him to cheat and lie to me?and if that's the case why not leave?
It's hard to say. No that's not an excuse for him to lie and cheat. Each person has parts they are accountable for. It sounds like he wasn't ready to admit what issues needed to be looked at prior to lying and cheating. The question is really prior to the lying and cheating how did you feel about the relationship, how you were showing up and the connection you were sharing? It's not just about his complaints but what lies beneath. I know in my failed relationships I can honestly say the relationships really never should have began at all. I was not honest with myself and did not listen to what my inner self was telling me and that those persons were not a good match.
@@diane2413 absolutely how you close this beautiful statement, that's how I felt bout this relationship.... I appreciate you saying this 😊. I feel as women most times we tend to love more when we have been proven we shouldn't. It's been a rollercoaster ever since for me. I realized he's narcissistic but I'm the one called narcissist. It is breaking my mental so bad that I don't know what else to do. I appreciate you responding.
Cheating is a part of a personas character , and character has nothing to do with anyone else but the individual!!! You could have been a devil and it’s still no excuse to cheat !!!! You could be an angel and if he wanted to cheat he would !! That’s just who he is
When Women so many times say to a Man... 'My Children are the most important thing in My life and always will be'...'But I want you to make me the most important thing in your life'....how would you suggest a Man respond to that Esther?
