How To Find THE PERFECT RELATIONSHIP | Esther Perel & Lewis Howes 

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Me me me me syndrome taught by University psychologists

and from what generation might this be a result? IF it was all so great 'back in the day', then why it was not succesfully passed down to next generations? The 'me me me' might be a result of not passing the right information down to them

We wanted to make sure our kids did not go thru the same misery we did. We overdid it. for example...helicopter parents.

@@sanderschatEnvironment changes, things happen, society evolves. There's no guarantee that lessons from the past will be transferred to the next generation. In the past 100 years, the dawn of science and the concurrent wane of religion could hardly be overstated in their effect on society.

That hit too but then again if you go to the village it's frowned upon these days. We're almost pigeon hold into this notion of one person needs to do it all.

@@Golfhippy10 yeah and that's BS, 99% of human history people didn't do it all or alone especially because they would probably die

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So become a Mormon.

@@BlueBeeThemeMusic you just have to suspend critical thinking. Magic underwear.

I like your comments

@@lucydelpilar7289 I appreciate that!

Sounds good

Good point.

Has she said how already?

Thank you for underlining it! I find it so true, l need the other to get to know myself, as the "Ubuntu" philosophy says: l need you so that l can be me! 🌸🌸🌸

Yuyyyy

Care to explain by what you understand from this?

@@souffled she sounds like a weak person. Depending on others for her happiness makes her a burden to others in my eyes. That’s what I got from it.

​ jvkbkkvooj jjjojojojojooo0jo9ojkok

Can u tell me what book Ester wrote I must have missed it on previous podcasts my horses have been giving birth n my assistance has been needed a bit so missed some thank you I have become a big fan / FOLLOWER B SAFE

Ｔhe　perfect　relationship　is　the　one　you　have　with　yourself　and　the　one　you　have　with　your　bank account. Single and happy with a lot of money is far better than any relationship with anyone. All of these talks are pure BS propaganda. I live happily alone, in a big house with my pets, my beautiful garden in a wonderful area. The interior of my house is my design and my design alone, i never argue with anyone in my house because i don't disagree with myself. When i want to go out for drinks with friends, or on holiday, there is no need to negotiate anything, i go wherever i want whenever i want and come back whenever i do see fit. Children are costly and often turn out to be perfect jerks and make you age prematurely with all the stress they cause, so i don't need those. And even if i wanted kids i can easily adopt them because. Partner are pretty much the adult version of children except they come with baggage and you have to deal with them so you have to compromise and i don't see why i should compromise with anyone about how i choose to live, just for a bit of companionship or for sex. Sex is super easy to find and companionship is provided by friends whom you do not have to take care of. There is really no better and more fulfilling relationship than the one you have with yourself and the one you have with a full bank account because you worked hard to get a good job which allows you to live comfortably. People are often scared to be alone because they see solitude as negative. often because they do not have a lot of money. When you have money you are never lonely. If i feel down i get the best pet sitter in the book even for 500 dollars a day and I jump on a flight to Hawai or the south of France or Japan and i have a blast for a couple of weeks and then i am back home happy and fuelled to face whatever situation comes to me. I don't need a partner to take care of me if i am sick, that's why we have doctors and hospitals and house help, and i don't need kids to take care of me in my old age, that7s why we also have home help and doctors, and in the worst case scenario a retirement house in the mountains of switzerland. People want companionship because they are not rich enough to enjoy life with little money and lack of education or to face social pressure which stigmatizes singles. When i get out of Cartier or Gucci with a new wardrobe and drop my stuff at a hotel to meet friends at a nice restaurant to enjoy a completely free and stressfree night out, and on the way i meet a woman dressed by gap pushing a baby in a stroller with two more kids on the side looking exhausted, asking her husband over the phone to pick up the dry cleaning or get a pizza because she doesn't have the time or energy to cook or telling her kids that they can't have what they want for christmas, i don't feel like i am the one who should feel bad being single ! It validates me in the idea that i made the right decision by choosing ME .

It’s not beyond our years its rooted in our ancient order of family and community.

Nothing new. Just some are more perceptive than others.

Awe 💝💝💝

I'll catch you. Your probably my soulmate

We don't really fall in Love. We walk together in IT (& sometimes we Cha Cha)😂

You need to go for grooming

that's why we "rise in love"

Sadly this sounds too much like my life.

I think so!!!

What? 😂🤣😂🤣

Simply from the Old World where they remember traditional values. "That's what we do."

Totally

The most accurate comment I've ever come across on YT

Same

Yeah, but that's YOU, not you meets Harry.

Excellent point! Me too!

Aspects of yourself you never imagined you had emerge in the context of relationships. As such, relationships provide an excellent opportunity for learning and growth...and the complete opposite. We choose which.

You need to know who you are Regardless of what people think about you.

I love that!

Maybe you should travel more… that’s not the reality out there.

Exactly.

That's good but it's not at all making up for the lack of structure in society right now.

Glad you enjoyed it!

Get out more.

She's the difference between someone who is competent in their profession and who knows what they are talking about. And is educated. Another league.

Clearly you didn't listen to her. Because you completely missed the point. And she's speaking again exactly what you said. People who are so self-involved that it's about their needs all the time..... Selfish and self-centered.

I’m in complete agreement with you. I did “the assumption “ route in my marriage and all hell broke loose ended up in divorce. Never assumed the person in relationship with you will automatically know what you’re thinking or wa😢no matter how many years you are together.

From a man who is searching for a woman to have a meaningful online relationship with a woman, and feel I have so much to offer, I thank you for waking me up a bit and reminding me of what is central.

@@g.1260 You only want online relationship and not a real life relationship? Can you explain why?

We need what you describe SO MUCH in the current ALIENATED culture that's emerged with cell phones/internet. Thank you for saying it & saying it so well.

Glad you enjoyed it! Means a lot!!!

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Praying for your sould and hers, buddy

Your story is so very close to mine. I still miss and pray for her too. Maybe something can work out... Someday

If you Love Her you will wait for Her and give her the time she needs to Heal and if you do that you will have a Great Relationship. Wait for Her if you Truly Love Her.❤

​@@sheriwilliams8942I did and I texted her a Happy Birthday in August and she thanked me for remembering. But on my Birthday in Sept she did not send a text or on Thanksgiving or the Holidays. I never texted her since August as I'm thinking she's just not interested or too stubborn to admit she wants to try again. I've been dating since we broke up, and had two short term relationships, but both never had that spark, or even close to it. I try to not think about it, but I do miss the times we had together. I never had that deep of a bond before in life, even in marriage. She left off saying she knows we will fall right back madly in love quickly, but is too scared to have and lose it, again. Last she said was she thinks about me at times, but can't risk losing that again. I'll give her all the time but while I've been trying to move on, I can't get reach that bonding we had. And she's not even my type, but that connection was real and I miss it badly..still.

It's really hard because when you find the person that you can build a life with, you'll miss the spark and chemistry that you had with someone else. i feel like that leads to cheating in the future

It's not an either-or answer because we actually want both. The love story stretches over the life story. Isn't this true?

@@teodoradurlanova1281 disagreed, as you can really have and cultivate the spark with the person you truly love and have amazing passion, but healthy

​@@teodoradurlanova1281It does most of the time. I keep seeing it.

Yes, I want the same energy, enthusiasm, time and effort. Not equally but let's meet in the middle. Where I fall short , he will compensate and vice-versa.

​@@aminaadam3617 thats still expectations...

Yeah, it's so important that you have the same mindset and share the same dreams. 'Coz if not, you'll fall out of love in the long run.

Shared values, morals and shared culture/history is vital. These are the basics for any relationship and even there may be problems.

Excellent

Jacqueline.degruyter@telenet.be l wonde to

@@risapakiding5388 it is important iwaswhide somee bodyand it moest be hime

Love this!

You're welcome,thank you for being here 🧡

Thank you so much for your feedback 🙂

But you must have Expectations. 😊

Yes, do we really believe that all the people in succesful relationships have all spent years "fixing themselves" like hermits in a cave? No. Plus, when are we "fixed" exactly? How perfect does one have to be to be "allowed" to pursue a relationship? Always do your best and try to learn of course.

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Don't agree. I am 41 and have a pattern of toxicity. Each time I open my heart I got betrayed. The relationship I built with myself is peaceful and fun. I am done with men.

@@jillmariaplatteaux6083 I'm finding contradictions in what you're saying. If you're in a loving relationship with yourself then you'll be manifesting love. If you attract toxicity then maybe there's work to be done? Also, you seem to have come here to watch a video entitled 'How to find the perfect relationship' but saying you're fine on your own and that you're done with men. Whatever the case, sending you love.

@@mel7077 working on yourself is a lifetime process isn't it. Not many who are in a long commited relationship needed to do this. If one does not want to make adjustments than it's over. Many single do not even do introspection. For how long I need to 'work' on myself? I did so many things already.. people nowadays don't settle anymore or fight for a relationship. They betray or are commitment phobic or have mama or papa issues. Is there any relationship that goes well? You are single too I guess? Why? I now going to change some things as well and adjust my principles too so I just can be free, happy and being able to let my body enjoy of physical attraction instead of always wanting a relationship with someone I barely know. Looking forward to hear your story. Blessings 😘

Totally agree. Definitely grew the most while married

The difficulty is in finding someone to have a relationship with.

This is a clip from a long interview. He uploaded the long interview and also clips from it. It's the long interview that's really good to revisit from time to time. Total gem.

Yes!! The BEST! My role model!

So glad you enjoy the channel! Thanks for being here!

and yet we're lonelier and more depressed than ever, not even having enough children to keep our society functioning. This is really not good. What is "real intimacy"? "Improvement" towards what? These are pretty arbitrary concepts.

@@snakedogman I get your perspective too, the economic climate definitely isn't good and it seems more and more like politicians are trying to get populations to grow for cheapest possible. Whoever is making these mistakes is trading culture and social cohesion for something like raw material for the work force. I am not saying that all politicians are bad (just like nobody else in any position is absolutely good or absolutely bad according to their work field and vocation), but my own personal feeling is that some are too removed from reality and too distracted by money. Wealth definitely leads us to self actualization and safety, but the fact that we don't have emotional education in schools and and no prospect of buying a house (in richer countries) is contributing to unhappiness. I think generations before felt lonely too and have seen it first hand, it's probably just the aloneness that is new and the fact that it is not taboo to talk about it anymore (it's not a small community offence anymore to admit you don't like grandma or your neighbor at all). Growth pains? Unhappiness is as old as the Earth itself.

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Means a lot!!! Glad this was helpful for you🧡

You're welcome, thank you for tuning in🧡

@@GreatnessClips 🙏🙌

People can make you happier not happy. Find someone who loves themselves.

@@CrystalDatingCoach and live in the NOW

That is correct. And, a relationship can, however, enhance the happiness. I enjoy life on my own but I enjoy it even more when I can share the joys and amazement of being alive with someone else.

@@HeartDrivenTarotwithLaura True!

Utter BS. We are social animals. We all know people who have people around them are happier than single ones.

Thanks for being here! 🧡

I wish you......good luck. There is also something like luck in love. For me personally to find my love was one of the most challenging things is my life.....After turning 30 I really got desperate......but there was good luck.....a friend of mine invited her collegue......match thanks to her. Luck and help of a friend I would say......If friends try to match you at least try....

@@w2best thank you for taking the time to read my whole comment only to find the only one thing that bothers you.

@@tanfc As a man here, you know thats common female psycology your friend pointed the wrong thing about your behaviour and you deny is wrong, let me tell you about a fustrated male , you are narcisist´s in your 20 and feminism told you could do whatever you wanted but no we love woman for their beuty and gentilness and when you our young you thougth that all that attention would never stop but it does as im almost in my 40´s you probably had a lot of good man interested in you when you where young but you prefered the players the guys who dont care about your felling´s becouse they excited you. Now in your 30 your value as a woman is decreasing and the man´s you like like younger woman as you where once. AS MAN I SAY YOU THIS GET A GOOD KIND MAN THAT AT LEAST WORK AND GIVE ALL YOUR AFFECTION AND MAKE HIM FEEL ESPECIAL TO YOU AND HE WILL LOVE YOU UNTIL THE END OF DAYS; GIVE LOVE INSTEAD OF EXPECTING IT.

@@w2best oh, wow.. wanting financial security for your kids .. soo problematic 🙄

@@nunocorreia9819 Your bitter revenge story is not her reality.Too much projecting, and too much jealousy of the young.