How to come out as gay - tips, advice and our stories 

I was a married man with two teen sons when I realized that I was not living a life that was really me. So after 21 years of marriage we divorced and I embarked on a new journey as a gay man. Two years later I started seeing a very nice gentleman and here we are 22 years later. We never know where life is going to take us but one lesson I learned along the way was that I needed to be true to myself.

The 2 of you have no idea how many young people struggling with coming out you are helping by sharing your stories. You guys are truly amazing ❤️

Similarly to the experiences y'all had, I've grown up very religious and it's taken me all the way until college to start sharing my story to the people in my life. After going through a period earlier this year where I was suicidal, I decided it was enough and I couldn't live this way. So far I've only come out to three friends and my sister, but it's been really difficult trying to figure out what I'm going to do next. This video helped me with this new journey and it gave me a perspective that really touched my heart. You guys are incredible. Please keep doing what you're doing!

I was a bit of both of you. Grew up in a Southern Baptist Church. Very religious. Very devout. (and very shy and introverted) Could never get into dating when I was younger. I did date one girl for about 6 months (she initiated it). Was SO glad when she said we should call it off. From my mid teens, I had feelings for other guys but had no clue what it was or what to do with it. Had a brief encounter with a friend (in a pool... no swim suits... but nothing really happened). That scared the shit out of me and the religious side of me stormed off (even though I liked the feeling). Joined the Air Force later (to "run away" from home). Loved my parents but didn't feel alive at all. In the Air Force, I couldn't be gay (no gays allowed those days). A friend of mine at the time had "concerns" about me. She's also the one that I almost asked to marry me... until I figured out that she loved me for who she thought she could mould me into. (still have the engagement ring... literally buried in the ground near the barn) Out of the Air Force, had a fling with a couple guys at university. Felt SO guilty. Went to a local Church to confess my sins and started counselling sessions with the pastor to help me be straight. About 20 years went by before I finally decided it was a lie and not me. 2018 was the first time I could say (in English) that I'm gay (but not "openly"). I'll be 63 this year and still not officially out. I've become moderator for several gay men's groups on Facebook and have found a gay campground where I can be free to be me. Back in 2015, I felt the need to tell my Mum about a particular diagnosis (not too hard to figure out what), she knows and accepts me. If my Dad had still been alive, it would have been much harder to let either of them know. I would have probably just moved away and slowly "lost contact". Haven't told anyone else in the family. Little by little, I'm sure people have figured it out from my Facebook posts here and there. Still... it's hard to bring myself to the point to just say "I'm gay". I really appreciate your videos. They are so refreshing (and adorable) to watch. Even though I've never met you, I love you two lots and wish all the best to you. Thanks

You guys seem pretty happy now. It's nice that you have each other. You guys are your own support group. More power to ya.

I am so proud of you guys, I’m sorry Alex had it worse but he found love ❤️ and not everyone finds that. 💜 I think you’re great together and I love ya 😘

I’m so sorry that people have to be ignorant I think everybody should be loved ❤

It's sad that acceptance is not a basic thing in Life. And you have to hide your real self until you have the courage to coming out... And you need courage because of the reaction around you, in your family, between your friends... No matter if you are gay, you are still that great persons, you have huge heart, feelings. You are such great souls. Love each other and be who you are! Much love and respect to you, guys! Happy New Year and I wish all the best to you! Greetings from Hungary 💚

I was married to a woman to " fix" myself. The first two years I thought I had it locked, but you can't change who you are. My ex wife left me for another guy so she really did me a favor. We are pretty good friends now, she's been very supportive

You two have such a warm and calming presence together. Please read us some bedtime stories now and then. ;o)

Agree. Be true to yourself. You have one life. Live it to the fullest. Thanks guys.

My coming out was filled with regrets... Just purely because I wish I did it when I was younger and because of the acceptance and understanding I was met with unexpectantly when i finally came out... @ 38 years old. I just got drunk and whatsapped everyone that I'm gay and mostly it went ok.

Alex, thanks for the story, I can associate with some part of it. You said “pastor”, so I understand your parents aren’t Russian Orthodox but more like baptists or pentecostals. So it's easier for you to know that a church like an organization is not really that important because God is always with you anyways. And I'm sure you know He has and does and will love you always. Cheers from Russia. You guys are wonderful.

Rise above it and move forward! Life is good!

Courage, acceptance, inclusion, tolerance and LOVE…

Thanks guys, I came out at 17 (in rural Australia which was hard ) after having watched videos just like this one and feeling inspired. The videos also helped me muster up the courage to tell my parents who were devistated for a time, but all is healed now and life is much better! That was 10 years ago now.

Im scared af but i still have a rough plan to move away.. I relate more to Alex's story where I come from a very religious background. Just like Alex, I was the most practicing among my siblings and thats only because I had to "pray the gay away". 5 times a day of prayer for so many years... Recently, i havent been praying at all and my mom caught on and verbally forces me to do it. Cliche phrases such as "You dont have to do it for me, but pray because you love yourself." That phrase hurts more because I knew praying made me hate myself even more. Im still in uni now but I do plan to move away once I graduate and get a job. No one knows im gay except for my older sister. My sister also found out im gay because of social media, tiktok to be exact 😂. Thanks guys for sharing, it gave me a good cry which i havent had for some time.

Sorry you had to deal with such heartache. You turned out a wonderful man . Be proud of yourself.

Hi guys. Alex I had a very similar story like you. I come from a very Mexican conservative Christian family. My coming out was sort of difficult, because I was scared my parents would dishonor me, lucky that didn’t happen, but they weren’t happy about it. They are not supportive of me being gay, but they love me regardless tho thank God lol. Thank you for sharing ur story, you guys are awesome. I love you guys ❤

It gives me comfort knowing that you guys also went through struggling with your gay identity. I appreciate you guys for sharing your stories! 😊❤

You guys should get people to write their coming out stories to you and publish a book. Some stories are sad, some are harrowing and some are funny

I so appreciate you both for sharing your coming out stories so honestly and genuinely. We all have our coming out stories and they are more empowering each time we share them. So grateful you love and honor yourselves, your lives, and one another. Keep living it with love and laughs!!

Loved your honesty about your coming out stories. I am struggling with these issues and it’s nice to hear others have had the same concerns but are happy in life.

Great stories. Once unencumbered with outside validation you’ll evolve to heights unimagined. I know I’m preaching to the choir, but sharing your stories at the very least will inspire hope in someone. Life is to be enjoyed. Engage and embrace the journey. Thanks for continuing the dialogue.

I completely understand how you both feel/felt. I didn’t come out til I was 35 yrs old and sometimes regret waiting for so long and torturing myself all the other years but was more worried about hurting my family most of all but they were all so supportive and love me for being me!! Live in Lauderdale and love being here for last 10 yrs. I think I kinda ran from my past but yet I didn’t. All my friends and family have all been fine with me being me. I am truly blessed. Sometimes my only regret is not having children as I get older (48 now) but as I always say….”it is what it is”. Appreciate you guys being so open about things and being authentic to who you are!! Happy New Years 2023!! 🎉🎉

I simply broke the news to my parents (20+years ago). I’d never seen them cry that painfully ever before in my life. It was heart breaking for them but back then I just didn’t care. As it was a relief for me, they were totally devastated. But I just couldn’t be less honest back then. They even got my brother and cousins to a massage parlor to have sex with a prostitute and see a psychiatrist. To no avail though. It was a stressful time for me. Right now my dad seems to have accepted the whole thing but my mum, from time to time, was always hoping to get married and have children and stuff. But it will get better over time.

You guys are an amazing inspiration to everyone struggling with their sexuality. I’m openly gay & came out to me parents in 1988. I was blessed with an incredibly supportive family, yet I was terrified to be discovered before I finally came out. I wish I had role models like you guys back then when I was struggling with my sexuality, as well as dealing with depression & religious guilt. God bless you both. You have a friend here. Much love to you both.

Thank you, Carter and Alex, for sharing your thoughts, your experiences, and your journeys. Much appreciated! ❤❤❤

This is great! I really appreciate this big time ! My coming out was not great , I am Irish and parents both Catholic so when I came out It was quite difficult, My siblings and even my granny who lives with me (madness I know) were so accepting but my parents were a different story , I was kicked out for weeks nearly 3 months , having to sofa surf on my friends sofas who were so supportive and loving! but I really appreciate yous sharing your story . At now I'm not sure how it stands because we still talk and I go home on the holidays but I live abroad because of university etc but when I'm home they joke and it makes you double think everything you say ! I know a lot of other stories are worse than mines but even knowing you guys had some issues or presumptions around coming out etc . At the end it is what it is , love is love and your gonna love whoever you do regardless of gender and those who don't support it then that's their loss !! Love yous big time guys and really appreciate these videos . Sending Love xx

The French bull dog is just too cute. Hugs to the fur baby.

I totally get this. Especially the church garbage. I grew up in one church and when I came out I wasnt' attending there, but my entire family was. They never wanted anything to do with me. Door slammed. I moved on but it did hurt. Now I am active in a local church again where I am loved, appreciated and happy.

I love the way you told your stories, with the different circumstances....and your (both) warm personalites. Best wshes, Fish and sparrow!!!

You two are amazing! Alex - I grew up in a huge Hispanic, Catholic family. I had some of the same reactions as you from family and found myself one day heading to San Francisco never looking back. You are so lucky to have found someone that compliments you. Thank you both for sharing your stories. Luv following the two of you!

You both are such a lovely couple. It's great to see you guys representing that we gay people can be socially involved, accepted and still not lose our inner authenticity. 😉 keep up with the great content 👏

Love you both. Stay strong, be happy and safe. WE LOVE YOU.

I enjoyed listening to your stories. Both of you did fairly well coming out. You are both very handsome, attractve, and well-spoken. Your stories help others.

You hit some pretty strong points. Thank you for making this video!

I follow you both and you are totally an inspiration. I didn’t follow my true self and have many regrets. I wish I saw love like yours and know I would have lived a different path. I TRULY ADMIRE YOUR LIVES !!

I’m so glad you guys didn’t have it too bad. And that you guys found each other!

You beautiful souls. God still loves you so much. I had a near-death experience and I also deal with same-sex attraction and what stood out the most in line near death experience is that God still loved me unconditionally.

You two are so real! So happy you have each other!

Similar experience to Alex. I grew up in the church. I was working in a church when someone anonymously outed me. I understand the pain and how change happens. Grateful for your grace and hope that you extend to others and yourselves.

Boys, you are completely awesome. I love your authenticity and your willingness to 'put it all out there'. 😊

You guys are made for each other, so beautiful together!

Thanks for your stories, this is helpful and I appreciate your willingness to be open and a beacon for the community!

Much love and respect. New to you fellas, even seemingly perfect men have had their internal battles with just being true to oneself. I remember my own anguish, in hindsight I wish I had just been true to myself all along, such a weight and burden lifted after such a difficult youth. True, you do lose those you thought were there for you, but those who really love you for you stick by you no matter. I'm grateful now, single and learning to like myself, and pretty much content. Thank you both 🙂

You two are sweet and inspiring. Loving yourself is as important as being true to your heart ... What matters is what is IN your heart and that is everything in life. ❤️ ❤️

You guys are great! Watching you from Germany.... you are an inspiration and for sure an example and help for people in doubt.... Thank you for doing this! 😍

Wow you guys are so cute together ❤️. I enjoy hearing you both talk and I came out in the 1990s after living in California for one year. My parents sent me to reparative classes which messed with my mind. It was funny because most of us ended up fooling around. After time passed I was more accepted by family. ❤️

L❤VE YOU FELLAS! U both truly r helping so many guys. Proud to follow and watch your journey’s.

Alex, I was singing on the praise team on Sunday mornings while trying to figure out who I was. My brother is very accepting, and my religious sister is tolerant. I tried everything, prayer, fasting, anointing, everything. Yup, we were born this way. Love to you both.

I wanna hug Alex - must have been so hard to lose all of your friends overnight. Better to surround yourself around truth than a lie, though. ❤

I am so happy Carter had such a welcoming family. I on the other hand feel Alex's story. I'm just so very happy that you are now very happy ☺. The two of you have such an amazing relationship. Keep enjoying your lives together. Be and Stay Happy!!!!

Thank you for sharing your stories.

Hello guys! Thank you for this inspiring video. I know we all have a time to come out, hopefully by ourselves and not been outed by someone else. We never had "the conversation" at my home. My mom was always very defensive whenever anyone mentioned or suggested anything related to a gay person. My dad, by the other hand was very accepting of everyone. Thank you guys for sharing your vlogs. I always looking forward to your next video. Stay safe and have fun! Cheers.

So interesting to know your story, your path to this point of your life, and this way get to know you a little bit more. Thanks for sharing your story❤

Hi Gents....I've listened to you both telling your stories...And your absolutely right to block your friends who didn't like you style of sexuality..its their loss after all and you have both been in relationships that had been bad..and now looking at the two of you been the happiest you have ever been it's beautiful how you are having fun and having laughs and going on vacations to some of the most stunning places..and post videos of your days and weekends...I'm glad to be a friend on intergram ticktock and RU-vid I have to say I love you guys and I look forward to seeing your posts thankyou gents I'm so proud to be gay myself❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤

You both share amazing stories, like coming out, that are an inspiration for others. Thanks!

I was so scared to accept what I knew about myself for years because of religious and family issues. Then I was outed by a family member that saw something on Instagram . I was forced to tell my wife because that person gave me 1 week or they were going to tell her and that couldn’t happen! Thanks for telling your stories! And btw….. I never cheated on my wife. 18:37

It's hard for me to think your own family would not accept you the way you were born. I think you both have a very happy and healthy relationship with each other... so glad fate brought you together.

Guys im so happy you shared that!!! My own story is similar but took me till 33yrs old. Hiding my deep dark gay secret, I grew up a only child, an a farm, showing horses, football. My dad was that typical toxic male, you gotta act like a man ( you get what im say) so I hide it and the sexual abuse till i basically destroyed myself from that secret, gained weight till I was almost 700 lbs, both feet in the grave and tried killing my self with alcohol and my medication, I was so depressed, but I found my own faith ( Druidic practice) found a good doctor and mental health and strength. Had gastric bypass surgery lost 5 ppl lol married a wonderful man, still deal with the farm and take care of my parents. Ppl have to really learn what forgiveness is, to themselves and those that hurt you , abuse you . Karma is a wonderful thing.

A very relatable story..I grew up in a society where for most "ordinary" folk, Homosexuality was social suicide as well as being technically illegal, although seldom prosecuted. All through my teen years and into my twenties, I had quite a few "male on male" experiences, but only ever as "No strings" situations. I did try to tell my late mother once, but she immeiately changed the subject and I realised that she could not accept the truth. I never told my late father as we did not have a good relationship. I kept up the practice of dating females as a cover, but also told myself that the "Man thing" , would pass when I settled down with the right woman. I even got married, which sadly was a mistake for both of us, I accept. My wife died from a Cerebral Hemorrage after 11 months of marriage, fortunately we had no children. I even tried to continue my charade after her demise, having three affairs with women, all of which did not end well. Finally, in my forties, I had something of an"epihany" almost and accepted my sexuality for what it is. I did tell my late sister and her response was, "Well...I am Not surprised, I've known all along..."! She then floored me with her next comment, "What I want to know is.."Have you tried Not to be...?" I stared at her momentarily open-mouthed, before I responded, "Sis..What do you think I have been desperately trying to do for the last THIRTY YEARS...?" She finally accepted my sexuality, although never approved of it, which is fine by me.. I do not lve my life seeking other's approval, for the most part. Yes, I am "Gay" but it IS Just a Part of who I am, not "La Raison da Mi Vida"..!! Fortunately now, here in Spain we live in a very "liberal" and accepting society..!!

Thanks for sharing your experiences - it’s very hard to do but I’m sure this will help ease other’s minds on tackling this very issue. On a side note, my husband and I love you little funny bits that post All the best Arran, Rob and the Rascal

I'm very proud of you two!!!

well done both of you for portraying such a positive image of gay relationships it warms my heart to see your lovely faces and i wish you all the positive energy in the world

Thank you both for sharing your stories.....I have watch several of your videos (and now new a subscriber to your channel) and you both seem very level headed. And of course, you both are so very handsome!!! But I really appreciate you sharing your coming out stories.....Peace and love to you both!!! :)

Beautiful job, gentlemen! I came out between 1987-1989...it was very painful and liberating; I would have hoped it was easier for you two. Alas, not so. Your honest and poignant video will help so many young people! Bravi!!!

You’re both honest and forthcoming. It’s impossible not to be entranced. Doesn’t hurt you’re both so beautiful. Okay, handsome. Good looking. Whatever. Any adjective that’s acceptable to you. My coming out circa 1968 long before either of you were born wasn’t nearly so fraught with roadblocks. Despite that, my relationships were…not so good. As Woody Allen says in “Annie Hall,” the secret to relationships is luck. Never forget how lucky you are to have found each other.

Alex and Carter you are my favorite YT couple. Please keep making YT videos because we need you so much. Sending love to you both ❤️

These two made me smile, just found your channel tonight,I'm from the Philippines and your new subscribers and I'm enjoying watching your vedios.

I first came out to a pastor at a church I went to still under the impression that it was a sin for me to be gay. I came out to some friends I made through the years. I came out to my mom who's been growing to full acceptance. Like Alex, when I came out to my brother he was more accepting than my sister. She found out from one of her friends who saw my coming out on social media. She said much of the same things Alex's family did. Thank you both for being willing to share your stories. It's comforting to know that my experiences aren't just isolated to me. Through shared pain, we can lean on one another, grow and be free. I'm glad that these last five years I've allowed myself to be free and open with people. It's a huge weight off my shoulders.

Amazing video guys. Thank you for sharing.

Thank you for sharing. I also came from a very religious family. Luckily though my parents were also very progressive and open minded. Especially my dad. I was born very late so dad was 40 when I was born. I came out at 31 so he would have been 71. He didn’t care and he loved me unconditionally. I try daily to show the world you can be gay and Christian. My brothers have a hard time with it so it’s just not talked about when I go home. Anyway guys I love your videos and they always put a smile on my face. Keep up the good humor. Brian

I am 60 years old and been Gay for all my Life. Coming out is alot easier now than when it was in my Time, if you will. But one thing I can say is I've never had a problem in School or with homophobic's. Guess everyone knew my Family and Relatives. They knew better. Lol. I have not a Single Regret in my Life. I Love my Life and Who I am. The Hardest part about coming out is telling your Parents. Once I told my Parents I didn't care who knew. You two Guys are the Greatest. You're giving younger people the Courage to be who they are and making a Platform for younger people. Making it a little easier for the Youngins to come out. Back many Moons ago there was Platforms and Social Media so therefore we kinda had to play it by ear. So I want to say Thank You for making it somewhat easier for the younger generation to come out to the people they Live in their Lives and to be who they wanna be without Hate and Stereotypes. God Bless you Both. And Please World stop the HATE. Please put Live back into the World. Don't know where we went off track but we must return to what was. Please be Kind to One Another and Let's all get along in this Planet we call Earth. Love You Guys

Hi guys. Wow. Sounds so familiar. Great job hearing your stories. But this all rings so true. Especially Alex's story. You guys explained it so well. U said it all. Peace and love guys. ✌️❤️🌈

And now you have each other which may help make up for anything you have lost. ❤

Nice hearing your stories. Take care!!

I def relate to Alex, to some extent there... Faith and all...crying and wishing He'd change me. I myself never let other people influence my faith, love or desire to seek God. Every church on earth could shun me for being gay and even the community itself? But God would still be my Father who art in Heaven. I realized at an early age that people don't always accurately represent who God is and I disassociated them VS who I knew Him to be in my heart, along with His love for me. My own idea of God doesn't exactly hail a "Hallmark card", but I knew He never wanted me to stop persuing Him above all else...even if it meant rejection from most. Regardless? He loves ya, Alex...from the foundations of the world, til now, and every moment in between. He did a good job on ya, bubba. His very best always. 🙂

love you guys, I can relate...came out 3 years ago to my family and selective friends. None of my family approached me since to even ask me anything. I think they just want to avoid the conversation or probably pretend it doesn't exist or hope that they will pray the gay away. Not really sure what to do about that but I have decided to move on, move out and really far away, a new country actually. So I am working on that because I want to work on being me because I really don't know who I am....so its time for me to start finding and learning out who I am and just be

Thanks for sharing. Happy New Year!

Found your channel today. You're a cute couple and have good life stories to tell. Thanks for sharing those with us. Hope this new year is filled with love and laughter for you. I look forward to future videos. Meanwhile, I'll go back check out your past videos. All the best! 👍❤🌈 Ed. for spelling! YIKES!

I tried coming out around 5 years ago. My parents are still in denial about that, and I avoid talking about any kind of dating life with them (I have also become extremely resentful.. which I know is not great). I have thought about adopting solo parenting, sperm donations (I can't do that since I don't know my ancestry (I'm adopted)), also thought about destroying another persons life and make them have a family with me (bad idea for everyone).. can't seem to find the right answer to any of this. thanks for posting this video. Im happy its working out for both of you now~ I only recently found your videos I feel.. but I'm so happy I did..

I discover you guys last week and I love you , you look so handsome , Great coming out story, everybody is different that’s great . Have a great new year

Love you guys ty for sharing your story. I didn’t come out until I met the love of my life. The reason behind that was cause my culture I’m 100% Portuguese it’s still not easy but we’re happy

Both men are adorable. Coming out wasn’t hard for me. It was hard for my family. It was hard for others. I’m brave. That was the 80’s. Today it’s very easy in comparison.

We all have our own journeys. Good, bad and truly horrific. One thing I’ve learnt, we never stop having to come out. It gets easier the older you get. I just talk about my life and that includes talking about my partner. I don’t have the conversation of by the way I’m gay. Its also getting easier when you have to book things or organising insurance etc… They always say, and your wife’s name lol….. I correct them and and they apologise for assuming……. I came out in 1992 at 23. The world has changed in that time. People are getting more accepting. We still have a long way to go to achieve true equality. That’s when we will never have to come out again. We are just who we are and that’s all we have to be. Thanks for sharing your stories, it does help the next generation.

Thank you for sharing your story

Really appreciated hearing your stories. I believe God created you both gay and planted in your hearts a deep love for each other. May He continue to grow and deepen that love every day. I didn't come out to anyone when I was younger because it was illegal to be gay and I could have been jailed for up to 21 years just for being gay. I never did come out to my parents. I was a Baptist Pastor and missionary and I was married to my very accepting wife for 51 years. She had MS for 26 years and I cared for her. She has now passed in 2022. She could not ambulate for the last 15 years. I have not had sex with anyone for 25 years. I was told I was not welcome to even attend the church just because I am gay and that I never was. Sad. Almost all my "friends" from my former church life, don't want to have any contact with me. Their problem. I often feel lonely. So I am FINALLY free to be who I am, but I am not looking to form a relationship with a guy. Too old now. I am a father and a grandfather to several several teenage grandsons. What the Bible actually says about homosexuality has always interested me. I am convinced that church people's very strong anti-gay views are political, NOT theological. I live in Australia. I appreciate your videos. You seem very much in love and committed to one another. That is SO good. All the very best as you spend the rest of your lives together.

10:34 totally agree with Alex, and this is what I tell people who think being LGBT is a choice. Why would anyone choose to be a part of a community that gets looked down upon, harassed, mocked, etc. It's obviously not a choice. I have never understood why any religious beliefs would come in the way of accepting your own family member just the way they are. Carter and Alex, great video! You are both awesome. Love your frenchie pups. They're so cute.

Have the bravery to be true to yourself. I knew who I was very young. Learned to say no very early. Personal honesty saves a lot of people pain.

Hi carter and alex my names michael and i just wanted to say i just watched your coming out video and i was scared to come out as i was terrified of the reaction i was gonna get but im glad i did as i feel much happier than i did when i was in the closet so just wanted to thank you guys for this video as it gave me the confidence to come out so thank you x

Are you still in church? It was more important to me that I resolve my 'gayness' with God than with church. I had figured out that churches didn't deserve my faith, but my relationship with God remains vital today. I'm fortunate to attend and serve in a (not Southern) Baptist church. I hope you've found a place, too.

New here, y'all are an amazing couple love the video!!

thank you for this video, its really helped me

Thank you for share your experience... Hello from Mexico ;)

love your stories of coming out, I do love to hear how you met...thanks.

Thank you both!

I really appreciate both you guys for being your authentic selves........and living your lives as human beings regardless of societal labels....that's what come across at this point in your journey. Again, I appreciate and thank you.

Thanks for sharing.

You guys are soooooooooooo cute, a guys comment suggested you both should consider semi-regular bedtime story readings,........ .I LIKE IT !!!!!!!