Dr. Conte I love your videos. You are a contradiction! You look like a badass but are a super nice guy willing to teach peace! LOL That is so awesome. I'm so glad I subscribed. Anger is definitely trying to ruin my life but I am trying to stop it before it gets out of hand. Thanks for all you do!
I guess im randomly asking but does anyone know of a tool to get back into an instagram account? I somehow lost my login password. I appreciate any help you can give me
I work security and a tip I will give is do not take it personally, 90 % of the time the anger is directed at the situation or the rules you are trying to enforce not you personally.
So, as I understand... 1: Acknowledge how somebody feels and help them feel heard to the point of a release where they feel listened to. 2: Go over the options and consequences of, starting with what they were going to do. 3: Let them really, actually decide what they will do, legitimately and truly.
I’m a security officer at a hospital training to be a police officer and this video helps me so much with deescalation and crisis prevention. Thank you for taking the time to share your wisdom!!!!!
I'm so grateful to hear that. And I will be posting a new updated de-escalation video soon, so I would love if you could stay tuned to the channel. And thank you tremendously for the work you are doing to keep others safe. Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Good luck with the PD!! I work Armed Security for a private contractor and wish I knew this info when I started. A lot of people on drugs where I work so they are very unpredictable. This advice is better than what I got from my company.
also stories of kill your son to prove you believe in me, oh just kidding, call someone a baldy so have a bear maul a bunch of kids, or marry your sister because of the apocalypse, or stone others because they have multi color cloth. This "word of god" was written by men over hundreds of years translated by many and its historical context loses meaning, its a guide with good examples, but it is not a literal instruction book.
Worked at a juvenile detention center and we had to do training like this. It was called motivational interviewing. If it's done well it does work. I went almost 2 years without getting punched which is the most amount of time anyone went without getting assaulted out of everyone who worked there
Thank you so much. Yes, 100% we all need to be mindful of the energy we bring to every interaction. The more we can bring peaceful energy to other people's anger and chaos, the better chance we have to truly help the situation. Sending you all the best and much peace! And thanks for the great work you do!
Nk Bushoven in other words, it works for YOU in the moment. but, it puts a bandaid on your clients real issue. and so does the endless professionals that client sees. congrats! you did your JOB. ENJOY your paycheck.
Nk Bushoven I was a nurse..I worked to validate afraid, apprehensive patients..now I have a different job where ppl.treat us like crap ..we're easy targets..I won't validate bad behaviour
@@danab172 I hear you, and yet it is better than being abused and traumatized by psých staff, is it not? At least a good intervention breaks the bad cycle and hopefully helps one turn to the light, activate resources and see what constructive one can do. Many have been more helped by a 12-step program...! for free
I’m also an armed security guard and just found this video. Kinda late to the party, but this is wonderful information. Here in Tennessee we’re about to be required to have certification in de escalation techniques and CPR as of January 2023, so this is very helpful. Thanks brother!
Number one is the most important. Keeping your cool and not running your mouth off rip is the best piece of advice I know. When dealing with people who are emotionally charged and unreasonable even then it can be very different so if you cannot de escalate the situation even when you've respectfully listened and spoken your minds sometimes you have to leave the situation before it escalates. Some people cannot be reasoned with especially in the heat of their anger.
This is awesome. I've worked in the New Zealand Corrections system for over 25 years and when I hear this and look around me to see who's still in the job, it's the people who done these techniques naturally. Done with compassion and authenticity. Keeping your stance almost always led to force or violence being used. Violence is easy, I boxed and done martial arts all my life so getting physical was an easy option but I guess martial arts taught me to look at other options and boxing gave me confidence. I always look at it as if that was one of my children in distress and than work it out from there. Thank you again, brilliant advice.
Thank you so much. Wow, I love what you are saying. In Pennsylvania, we now train all our corrections officers in my Yield Theory, and we strive to emulate the incredible system you have over there. You and your colleagues are an inspiration to the world. Definitely sending you all my best and tons of peace!
While this could in theory work when I apply to my situation. I find it very difficult to de-escalate once someone is in a blind rage and get verbally abusive.
My family always escalates situation and I sadly learned it from them too throughout my whole life thinking it’s normal to freak out in a high pressure situation. I am sick of seeing every issue in my house turn into mountains when they are just mole hills.
I feel this hella hard. My family is the same way, emotions control them, and outcomes are usually bad. Anger especially creates flash decisions - escalations for them. On another note, I took psychology in college and stuck on that path. I can whole heartedly say, everything can be changed and improved.
I work at a level 5 max secure juvenile facility and we house 2 units of high profile juvenile criminals that have gun charges and are from the streets through and through and I'll be sharing this video with my coworkers and supervisor. This video will be very helpful for new hires or current employees that have no de-escalation training or skills. Keep up the good work 👍
@@DrChristianConte thank you as well! I work in Portland Oregon doing outreach work on our transit system, I need all the informational power I can get.
I am dealing with my mum who has alzeimers and she was the sweetest person ever, now she will sing to the top of her lungs really loudly for hours and hours, not letting my dad, who is very old and only 6 stone, get any sleep, and when I am trying to keep her with me to give him some rest, she will non stop dribble sarcasm, dirty words, name-calling. I have lost it a couple of times and I, obviously cannot afford to do that. Her behaviour provokes it, but I have some stress of my own because I have serious responsibilities that I have abandoned to keep my parents going until we find the right kind of help. Thank you for posting this video and I will try validating her anger, see if that works. 😪 Thank you so much
1. validate until signs ogf releief show. 2. Point out relevant options . 3. Provide total acceptance and have the attitude of yes to their free choice. I think that therapist Barbara de Angelis' emotional scale (from "The secrets of Love") is relevant here too: 1.) Anger, hatred, aggression, resentment, accusation. 2.) Hurt, sadness, 3.) Fear, uncertainty, insecurity, 4.)regret, one's own part and responsibility, 5.)Intentions, Needs, goals, wishes for the future, 6.) acceptance, understanding and forgiveness, 7.) appreciation, well wishes, love. Valuating/confirming (was that the right word of empowering the person?) feelings in that order is probably helpful . adjust to the relevant relationship and situation, of course.
This is awesome! Thank you for this! I am a female who lives in a neighborhood where the homeless population has quadrupled in the past year, the police response times are 3+ h and its VERY difficult to get people the mental health help they need. I was sexually assaulted 4 times when I was younger, and have learned to de-escalate from experience. These are basically the techniques I've learned. Every time I go out by myself, I am approached, but have learned how to talk to people (who are suffering homelessness/mental illness/substance abuse, etc..) in a helpful and empathetic way and as a result a lot of the staples in our homeless community have gotten to know me and are very kind and protective of me when I go out. I've met some wonderful people in the process and, more importantly, I feel SAFE going going out by myself- because I always have friends around/looking out for me! There is no better feeling than encountering someone who is upset/scared/angry, being able to talk them down and knowing that no one will get hurt. It's a win-win.
How I view de-escalation : it just means to be nice to a person, to send a positive energy to a person for example, if one day my neighbor asks me to help him carry heavy bags if he is smiling to me, and speaking to me in a nice way, I will help him because he sent me a positive energy if he isn't smiling to me, and speaking in an obnoxious way, I won't help him because he sent me a negative energy. If you are nice to a person (aka sending a positive energy), the person will comply If you are not nice to a person (aka sending a negative energy), the person won't comply when you watch american police videos, cops are doing it wrong, there is a person that is holding a knife, and you have police officers yelling loudly and obnoxiously "DROP THE KNIFE !!" they say that 50 times and the person never complies, cops are not being nice to the person, therefore, the person never complies, but now, if the cops talk nicely and quietly with a smile and say "we understand you have problems in your life, tell us your problems, you and us can make something together" here, they are being nice to the person, the person is going to comply
@@Zo-hc2fn Not that simple. When the knife wielder is on drugs and or mentally ill, anything could happen, QUICK ! I agree on training is outdated and has to change.
Could you please create a video about how to deal or deescalate a hostile person that are intoxicated. I think a lot of people find themselves in difficult situations like this.
Idk how many others can relate but I'm here after the police were called to my home and ESCALATED the situation TWICE so I felt I had to be the change I wanted to see in the world
If i've learned anything from being the manager that people ask for whenever they're mad at one of our frontline call center workers *I work for apple*. These are literally all of the things we teach for every single one of our agents. We perform what's called Triple A's, Acknowledge their situation restating it back to them in a way that demonstrates that it makes sense in your head., align with their feelings providing empathy and validation, and then Assure them that you're going to do everything possible to make sure you can help them with that. Called a commitment to assist. One really helpful tip when you feel like things are going off the rails is to ask for permission to ask them questions about their situation to understand better. By agreeing they're essencially agreeing to allow you to control the conversation and the direction that helps your resolution to their issue feel like a logical and obvious decision. Like if somes order was canceled, the first thing i'll ask them is "do you have a store near you? oh you do thats awesome. Then when you circle back to it you can even reference back to having said it earlier. " you mentioned that you had a store near you, i was checking while we were talking and it looks like they have the item you're looking for in stock".
This literally actually works use it almost every shift at work I’ve personally sat through 24 hours of one of his classes it is my go to tool on my belt at work best thing I have ever learned
The world NEEDS more of you. Great content and very relevant in today's angry world of crazies and violent outbursts. Hopefully this will reach the mind of everyone.❤
Dr. Conte-- This is a must see video for everyone! We never know when the skill of de-escalating will be required. Thank you for your clear, concise, and practical message. You are a difference maker.
This was my first exposure to your work, Dr. C., and I am thoroughly impressed and inspired. What I found most appealing was that you are encouraging behaviors that create an environment hospitable to personal growth. It's a solutions-based approach that will most likely benefit everyone involved, including the de-escalator. Thank you so much for sharing your knowledge!!
I shall thank you for this knowledge, and I shall use it whenever needed. (I looked up how to deal with an angry person since I live with someone who is seemingly always angry at every little thing in this world.. and they blame everyone for it when in reality its their own actions and behaviour (or lack of) that make their own lives a living hell.. I'm mainly doing this so I can stand being in this household until I move out.. there's been one too many times where I let their awful words and cruel actions get the better of me.. even if I knew it wasn't my fault.)
Anger is contagious. Depending if it’s aimed at you or someone else. If it’s aimed at you and it’s chronic, I’ve always walked out. I know myself, so walking out is always a good choice. If it’s aimed at someone else, for me, even if it’s as dangerous, it’s been easier to confront and de-escalate.
Will be using these tips at work. I'm a lunchtime supervisor for Year R - Year 2's. i see part of my job as helping the children to deal with conflicts and that things that aren't fair.
I just came across your videos. This is like the 4th or 5th one I've watched. I just subscribed. Passing on this knowledge is so helpful to anyone that watches. Thank you. I appreciate and benefit greatly from this.
Dr. Conte, thank you so much for your great advices! But, don't you feel consumed after de-escalating someone? When my boyfriend gets angry on me I feel drained, cold, nervous and I can hardly move
When I taught deescalation as a psych nurse I taught my staff to take a breath when confronted with violence. Many people hold their breath ( fight or flight..part of flight). Once the staff took a breath THEIR thinking was restarted and they were effective in deescalation. Good video!
How to validate, dr Conte ? I ' foreign and I was raised in exact oppused of all that you' re advices us here ! I love you' re video ! I love the way you explein the things. Thank you ! 🤗
Got it. I have a list that I keep compiling from ideas people are sending me, and this is definitely going on it. Thank you so much for watching brother. Sending you much peace!
INFP-A and I am really digging your videos! Recharging my brain, and taking in the best info/advise I've had in some time. Totally subscribing to your awesome channel! I wish I could give you 2 thumbs up.
This is so true. I was invalidated while angry yesterday regarding a work place conflict and it ended with me refusing mediation. Told them that there is no point if I'm not believed or validated. They missed that opportunity to show respect from me.
Thanks for your video. I'm new to your channel and I like what I see so far. I'm curious about descalating passive-aggressive behavior. That is one thing I have a hard time with. It's nearly impossible to communicate with some who shuts down and withdraws. At least the angry person is talking. I never had a lot of official training but because most of my working career was customer service/health care related. I saw a lot of people when they were sick and having a bad day. I can calm some people down because I listen. Then come the passive aggressive behavior and the silent treatment and it hard to listen to someone who's angry but not talking.
Dr Conte, I've completed your anger management courses to receive my cert and I discovered it was I that needed to course first now I can really relate it to others. I also work with inmates.
What should you do when the person is angry with someone else, and that someone else is firing up, too? Problem is, when both parties are unwilling to accept their own mistakes or shortcomings, trying to help them cope with each other and talking to them after they calmed down is pretty fruitless...
Great question! I will actually talk about this on my radio show tonight. Would love for you to call in if you can to talk more! Sending you all my best and tons of peace!
Dr. Conte, I love your explanation. Quite logical. I suppose it would be great if you could get some really good actors and enact two sequences to show de-escalation in a practical manner. (Do like this - NOT like this) Or Simply take some movie scenes where you believe the concepts had been shown correctly and the scenes were the concepts had been negated.
I happened onto This ..this is great ..at work a few try really hard to make me angry ..ignoring jealous stabs ..so I got a little annoyed ..I voiced my anger and another person said to me ...I don't blame you .forget them you're a great person..immediately I went back to smiling .:) Happy I saw this ..im around many angry people ..that take it out on me . this is great .:) I will share it. ... Sometimes I just listen when people are angry..because most of the time it was their first interaction with an unhelpful person at the hospital ..so I say ...well I'm gonna help you find the person you are looking for .and they clam down and feel better ...:)
Dr. Conte is a perfect example of Don't Judge a Book By Its Cover. He LOOKS like he'll start some sht. 🤣🤣 Ironically, he has by far ,the best advice on youtube on dealing with anger, rage and out of control people. Salute. ALL states should adopt his advice on training Correction Officers.
Dr. Conte, I'm learning a lot from your videos and thank you. I'd like to know how do you de-escalate two clients who are yelling at each other and pretty roused up with emotion and ready to get physical.
Great video, but how can you validate while maintaining your position of opposition... Let say you don't agree with their actions and don't want to take the role of a "pushover" by always being the one to give validation?
Great question! We can validate others without agreeing with their ideas or condoning their actions. All validation is doing is genuinely acknowledging how that person feels. It's really powerful for all of us to feel heard, and when others take the time to validate us, it goes a long way toward calming down. I hope this helps! Thanks for watching and for your kind words! Sending you all the best and much peace!
