How To Find Your Sexual Orientation & Gender Identity 

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Figuring out my sexuality has been a rollercoaster. First I thought I was bisexual, then pansexual, and now I realize I'm panromantic demisexual. Can't wait for my first Pride Month as a proud LGBTQ+ member!

This surprisingly helped. For about a decade I supressed my feelings of gender dysphoria because it was too stressful on my young mind. As I went through puberty I identitied myself as a girl solely because of my sex despite lacking the ability to fully see myself as a girl in my own mind. And even now as I'm trying to unpack what I've had supressed I'm struggling to not lean on my sex/percieved gender instead on my true internal sense of self.

I just came out as genderfluid to my mom today! It actually went pretty well! I’m going to come out to my dad tomorrow, I’m nervous it won’t go as well, but hopefully things will be alright.

I want that "Drinking Homophobic Tears" coffee cup so bad, It's perfect for my collection.

Reminder that you do NOT need to pass, take hormones or dress a certain way to be trans/nb!!! You don't need to please others' perception of gender!

Congratulations on your engagement!! This really helped me a lot, specifically the gender sheet. I'm afab genderfluid bisexual and have a hard time explaining exactly what that means to the people I love. Thank you for posting this :)❤

i’m somewhere between female, agender, and non-binary. i hope to one day look androgynous and confuse transphobes

I am personally a non-binary aro-ace, but with my percieved gender: its literally everywhere, people think im a boy half the time, the other half the time they think im a girl, when they arent sure they perceive me as agender or non-binary, with me nobody has ever been sure about my gender, everywhere I go everyone is like: I cant tell if this is a boy or a girl (and then sometimes theres people behind me debating if I'm a boy or a girl which is awkward cause they think I can't hear them but I mean like, they aren't even whispering and im right infront of them, so thats just that i guess) although according to this I am both cisgender and transgender so I am confused.

Hot take: I'm down to swap the acronym name for our community for "Queer". It's short, sweet, no acronym issues like comprehensivity, it can cleanly hold all of us without necessarily highlighting one part of the community, and it continues to reclaim some of those previously normal words that were used to attack us.

Asexual, Omni romantic trans woman here. I'm glad this video exists. I am working on my MTF transition but I have recently been going through my Second or Third questioning Era. This is helpful and I appreciate it.

I discovered and found out that I was non-binary on October of last year. I go by she/they despite being born in a boy's body heh. Though I still haven't discovered my sexual orientation

I wanted to emphasize your note on finding oneself is a journey. Via the flags video, I discovered the Bigender term, which is what led me to Multigender, which led to the difference between fluid Multigender and discrete Multigender which led me to the Plural community which is where I *finally* had a term for what I was aware of for 30 years previous. If anyone watching this channel sees something that sparks a little recognition, keep chasing that thread!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think it would make more sense to shade in areas of the circle instead of placing dots.

I might be nitpicking, but being agender is always a weird place when it comes to cis vs. trans. Like, I don't feel like either, so it's weird to say that. I know some agender people might identify with either, and I that's fine for them, but for my own labels, neither fits. I'm just agender. I'm not cis nor trans.

I decided I was a trans girl but this will be helpful for people, I owe my respect to you.

My English teachers favourite saying is ‘you’re unique just like everybody else.’

Thank you for making this video. I'm a questioning kid so having people like you is really important to me.

I didn’t see any “nobody” option on the Eros spectrum circles. Did I fail the test of did I “Ace” it? Interesting video, thank you.

I remember seeing a similar worksheet about gender identity on a website when I was just beginning to figure out my gender. I tried to pin down a place on the worksheet where I felt like my gender belonged but could never decide on one, in other words I should have figured out that I'm genderfluid earlier lol. As for my sexuality, I knew that I was asexual from very early on in my journey of discovering my orientation but figuring out my romantic orientation was one hell of a roller coaster. In the end, I managed to figure out that I'm aromantic :)

I used to be agender but I realized that I’m comfortable with labels such as ‘boy’ or ‘guy’ and comfortable with he/they pronouns (pronouns and gender aren’t the same, but sometimes they do tie into gender) so I’m trans now

This might be a really dumb question but how do you find out the difference between gender and fashion preference? For example, I’ve always been a pretty butch-ish (hate that phrase but how else do I describe it) cis gay man and never really had any problems with that but over the last few years I’ve been finding myself getting really bored with it and I want to experiment with a more non-binary style but I’m slightly confused wether that has anything at all to do with gender? Or are they 100% separate? I almost want to suggest a third gender spectrum circle for fashion preferences

That was really informative. I've been trying to learn as much as I can about these topics. There can be a certain clarity in labels sometimes. After decades of having complicated thoughts and feelings about my gender, I determined that "bigender" fits me the best. I think that if I was clearly cis or trans it would have been simplier, and I never personally liked "non-binary" as a label because it seemed clunky. Likewise, I've known I was bisexual for a long time, but it's not an even split in attraction, so "hetro", "homo" and even "bi" all felt incomplete. Lately I've been thinking of myself as pansexual, and the different scales of attraction helps provide clarity on how attraction can vary from person to person.

I'm questioning my sexuality and gender almost daily and it's exhausting because on the one hand I don't really care about labels but on the other hand it would be nice to have some for validation and being easier to talk about. I don't have the energy to think about it right now so I'm trying to push it to the back of my mind🙃

I actually ended my questioning like 2 months ago and your channel helped me a lot. I even managed to find out who of my parents is supportive without seeming suspicious and now I know who to come out when I'm ready. I'm so happy I ran into this channel. Lots of love from a proud genderfluid & omnisexual individual! *Edit:* Yeah...I guess the questioning didn't end bc now I identify as a AFAB/FAAB genderfluid neptunic gray-sexual person

The only positive use I can think of for labels is that they can actually bring similar people together, labels shorten complicated descriptions and can be easily searched at the internet if you ever need to find other people similar to you. You do not need to know how to precisely describe yourself in terms of gender expression, gender identity, "adult fun time" orientation, romantic orientation, relationship orientation, or any other orientation identity. I took literal decades to figure out what was my transgender identity and my "adult fun time" orientation, I only realized in the past few months that my romantic orientation is in a somewhat grayromantic area which I do not have the precise words to label, alongside my relationship orientation, which turned out to be fluidamorous.

I feel really grateful for all of this info. I think it's really beautiful to have this kind of sources that give information but also validation to new generations who are probably wondering what's going on with their young lives. Thank you for all of your effort and the heart you put on this

Thank you for this video, I have been confused about my gender for a while now and I realised that I am a trans girl. This really does help a lot!

On the gender spectrum. You said that if your perceived gender and actual gender are aligned, you're cis gender. But like..... no. If my transition is incredibly successful and by all accounts I am perceived as female because of all the surgeries and hormones and voice training, I'll still be trans. My experience through my life doesn't disappear because people have started to perceive me as my gender. More accurately, when your sex assigned at birth aligns with your gender identity, THAT means you're cisgender.

I get the Gender spectrum part, but the Orientation spectrum is confusing me currently. I think I will have to watch that part a few more times before I feel I understand these 7 categories better. It's not an issue of presentation but just my own difficulties in understanding language/words. I'll get it eventually. 🙂👍

I'm a slightly masculine cis woman, and overall in terms of sexuality I'd put the dots in the center almost everywhere, maybe eeeever so slightly towards men emotionally and mentally, because I just connect better with guys and most of my friends are male... But yeah, I'm absolutely pansexual. I mean, come on - pans make you feel so warm inside you could literally fry, can you even get better than that? ;P

I go by cis and straight. Not a perfect label, but the best fit for me.

Math wise, if there is 1,000,000 points on each circle, and 7 circles, it would be 1,000,000^7, or 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000... not 49,000,000~ Even if there were only 100 spots, it would take 10,000 earth's to have a 66% chance of a perfect match! (Assuming uniform distribution)

I feel as if I am just a pure pan. Panromantic pansexual and Pangender Ò_Ó"

Hello! I’m non-binary and genderfluid, and I go by she/her/they/them, but it really depends on the day. As for sexual orientation, I’m not 100% sure, but at the moment, I think I am asexual panromantic.

Finally i found a channel about lgbtqia+

I've always pronounced Storge as STOR-gay... I really love this video, it is so very informative. I really love how you measured all of the four types of love, it is really quite comprehensive. Keep up the great work, Prof. Pride!!!!

Recently (or the start of this year honestly) I've been struck with the idea of trying to figure my butt out. And I went from being like "Oh I must be Asexual" To "Do I hate my own body or something?" So, I went from Asexual to Non-Binary and then to pure hell of confusion (not because of the terms that stuff is given though, it's because I can't tell that myself) So it's a rollercoaster of both dysphoria and homophobia because my mother is homophobic (though, she don't know about my shenanigans, the closest she's got to knowing me was today by knowing what music I listen to because I accidentally left it on). But I'm not sure about my father hence he agrees with my mother so there won't be a long ass argument and I can totally see why. Thank you for making this video for helping me a bit further in discovering myself :D

I've never seen this understanding of attraction! things that I didn't understand about myself prior are now way clearer. Like the difference between physical and aesthetic is actually so important and I didn't know about it. Equally the difference between emotional mental and romantic is super helpful for me. Just so many things are starting to make sense thanks to this model. Thank you for this video!

I thought I was a cis gender Heterosexual female but I realized looking back in my time at middle school that I was insecure about my chest. Not because of the size but because I didn’t real feel like a girl (also I didn’t like the school uniforms) and i’m was trying to develop a sense of fashion not really feminine not really masculine feeling like a they/them but still look feminine.

i was called they/them at work today for the first time because one of my fellow nonbinary coworkers noticed the they/them pronouns pin i put on my apron alongside my she/her pin. my closest friends percieve me as nonbinary, and it feels amazing to finally have my percieved gender slowly match up with my actual gender. while i still get called "ma'am" and "miss" by strangers, and my parents still use my deadname because i havent had the guts to ask them not to, it's progress and it means a lot to me.

Congratulations on your wedding to Michael. If you don't mind me asking, how would you say autism effects understandings of gender and sexuality? I'm wondering partly because I'm autistic and sometimes I've been told that because I 'have autism' I don't understand orientation and gender. Anyway, hope you're all having a gay day.

Thank you so much for making these videos and educating us.

I find for the orientation worksheet there needs to be another point which represents not feeling that section. A = Everyone, F.M.N being those genders, but there needs to be another point opposite of A. For example someone might not feel sensual attraction to anyone but aesthetically finds non-binary people attractive - so you can't just replace Non-binary with "Nope, none of that'

Some advice I learned from Ace Dad is that labels are tools to help you understand and communicate about your experience, not boxes you have to fit into. So while you might not find the Perfect Label™, you can still find a comfortable label (or labels) that is/are close enough to help you better describe your experience, or you might find that you feel better without one! Ultimately, it's up to you alone to decide if/how you label, so find what feels good!

When you say the homophobes in our life aren’t perfectly straight, it reminds me of my mom. She literally told me how she had a crush on a girl, and even kissed her, then goes on the claim that she felt guilty because god tugged on her heart telling her it’s wrong. No, you felt guilty because you where raised to feel guilty, not because God said so. 😭🥲

Thank you so much! I've been identifing as a pansexual female but lately I've been questioning whether I'm pan or omni. This really helped me a lot. Love your channel!❤️❤️❤️

Bro a lot of these people have really interesting and deep stories about discovering themselves when I was just sitting on my bed and then. "Oh shit I like men."

this is sooo helpfull it made me realise my sexuality a bit more i have been an out bi sexual for like a year but lately i started questioning my gender sooo perfect video perfect timing thanks a lot!!

This is very well put together! Well done! I'm glad people who are just figuring themselves out have a nice presentation like this to help them a bit. When I was figuring my own labels out it was, well, let's just call it messy (and that's being generous!) Seeing these topics of self discovery explained so simply and without any judgement or bias makes me happy, if also a teeny bit wistful that i was a bit too old to have this, too....

"forget about what's between your legs" the cat sleeping between my legs:

Although it still does not make sense to me, for many reasons, specially as to why you even feel the need to label yourself something, this video definitely makes me understand the topic better than before, you're a very well spoken individual and you explained it in a digestible way.

OMG thank you so much, after a year of questing my gender identity I finally found it from this video , thank you

This is very helpful thanks for your work

Thank you for doing this. I genuinely had no idea that being agender (autocorrected to Avenger which I also wouldn't mind being lol) was a thing until I saw this, and now I feel like that describes me more perfectly than anything. I wasn't desperate to find a label before but I'm glad that I have now. This was greatly appreciated. 😊❤️

I'm still confused about my gender. I have a female body and I like it, but my personality goes more to the male side (I'm not feminine at all), so I feel like both. Also, I like to imagine engaging in sexual activities with a girl, but I don't think I feel very romantic about it. I guess I prefer a relationship with a man. And I think I'm Demiromantic and demisexual. I also never had any crushes and barely felt any attraction towards anyone. Except... My friend was looking very beautiful last week, never seen her like this. Got a huge blush out of me. I am confusion... 💀

I really like the orientation one because it includes many categories rather than just one overall. I usually say I’m straight because I’m not sexually attracted to women but aesthetically, physically and mentally I am. Really helpful

I'm actually having a hard time lately because i don't know what gender I am. I feel like gender fluid is the best explanation but I never felt female, it's like today: I woke up feeling like a male, but by now, the end of the day, I'm feeling like some kind of mix between male and female, maybe non-binary or something, and I use to change a lot, sometimes it takes days sometimes, in hours. So it confuses me so much... The orientation part was very cool I actually learned a lot about myself while using it

So far what I have found is I am cisgendered female, quite tomboyish and demisexual. I have only ever been sexually attracted to one person in my life which happens to be my bf now. I’ve learned a lot through this, I am also an INFJ and prefer minimalist androgynous clothing style. I’ll have to look into these.

I came out 18 days ago :D I'm bisexual and panromantic!!! Can't wait for Pride Month

Oh my god that part with physical and sexual attraction makes so much sense! Finally I am sure I am ace. There was some confusion about physical appreciation of people yet not wanting to do anything with them

I'm just a straight cis-female, but I like to watch these videos to educate myself :). Thanks

18:37 i remember you saying one time: IM GAY AS FUCKK

The intense urge to draw a spiral on the actual gender circle has won i am a spiral.

Guys!!! I’m agender! So happy there’s a label for how i feel :) Thought i was alone in not connecting with gender.

I have been recently trying to find a label for myself after some shenanigans in my love life and a bit of an identity crisis. Not because I need one, but because I find that it would help me know more about myself on my journey to self discovery to have the slightest clue of a start. I am cisgender, but my orientation is currently a big question mark, so I am doing my best to discover myself.

I noticed how my sexuality have been changing SO MUCH over the years (2008 is when I'm born) 2008-2015: Straight 2015-2017: Just found out about LGBTQ and became Bisexual Biromantic (since before I did have crushes on both girls and boys and thinking that the girl crush is just friends) 2017-2018: Learning more about LGTBQ and thought I was Pansexual Panromantic 2018-2020: Found out more about more labels and thought I was Pansexual Panromantic & Genderfluid 2020-2020 end: Found out sex and noticing how I feel neutral about it but DO NOT WANT TO HAVE IT. Asexual Panromantic & Genderfluid 2021-2021 June: Found out more about Genders and labeled myself as Girlflux since I'm kind of different from the Genderfluid definition where I thought with intensity and never got to a point thinking about myself as boys. Asexual, Panromantic, Girlflux 2021 June- 2021 End: Slowly noticing that Biromantic fit more so I changed again LOL 2021 End - Now: Ace-Biro-Girlflux Edit: Oh and now I did have a second where I think I'm Abrosexual (but no after I found out about Asexual label) Edit AGAIN: OH AND I helped mah friend found out about LGBT and she told me she is Bi

im a genderdoe (genderfluid but im never a man/masculine) asexual intersex lesbian, and im so glad that the complexity of gender is becoming more and more wellknown. i always wondered why one day femininity gave me euphoria, and the next it gave me dysphoria; i always just assumed i was a cis girl with problems lol. learning that genderfluidity doesnt always mean youre sometimes a man, and learning about nonbinary genders and even lacking gender, it's brought me so much self understanding and confidence.

oh my god this really helped; tysm PBR!! ill def share this

I once called myself "schrodingers trans man" and then found out I was boyflux.

You don't have to cling to identities because of peer pressure either, labels might not be for you and that's also OK. Love and be kind ❤❤

You are actually way more unique than what he says :D - In case you don't wanna hear the explanation, getting the seven circles the exact same as somebody else is equal to 1 in infinity but since in this hypothetical scenario there is only a million units per circle, seven circles are 1 in 10^42 or 1 in a Tredecillion and, with the other two that goes up to 1 in 10^54 or 1 in a Septendecillion So basically he said that there are a million possibilities that one of your circles matches someone else's exactly, although the possibilities would have been infinite just for one circle, with only a million units it is now very easy to get the 9 circles the exact same as somebody else, compared to 1 in infinity, I said compared to one in infinity since just with two circles it already goes up to 1 trillion, this is since the chance has to repeat 2 times. It is so hard since even if the first one is the exact same as someone else's but in the second circle is off by just 1 unit it would already be different, and this is why normally the chance is one in infinity as you can be off by just .000000000001 cm and it wouldn't count as equal but, by having only a million possibilities, that option doesn't exist anymore, going back to the solutions, there is a formula, number of possibilities ^ number of repetitions, and following this formula this is all simplified to 1,000,000^7 which, since the last number is a one and 1x1=1 we only have to multiply the zeros, so 6 (Number of zeros) x 7 = 42, which means that just for the first seven it's already 10^42 and, if you wanna do the other two, we can go back to the original value of 1 million and do 1,000,000^9 or do (10^42) x (10^12) [12 is the number of zeros you would have after doing 1,000,000^2] so the final result is that you are one in a septendecillion (1 in 10^52)! :)

I found my perfect word at 3:15 confused. I am very confused about everything about myself.

I had some doubt that genderfluid was the right label for me until you showed the gender circle and I realized my actual gender dot would be on different places on different days

I'm lost but thankful these kind of videos exist ! I'm periodically attracted to men physically but with little to no experience in romance so I cannot answer for my romance orientation. I think everyone has something attractive to them. And I find it very awkward looking for love, I dunno if I want it or should, nor with whom. But eh I'm happy single, although curious about love in a way ? I let that on stand by, fulfilling my life with hobbies but my sexual and romantic attraction is still a mystery to me :-/

This video was helpful, though I still have doubts if I'm right about my orientation. Does anyone have a similar experience to this? Romantically: Almost exclusively opposite gender Physically: Closer to my own gender, but doesn't completely exclude the opposite gender Aesthetically: Closer to the opposite gender, but doesn't completely exclude my own gender Sexually: Somewhere in the middle, maybe somewhat closer to my own gender The rest are somewhere in the middle, slightly leaning towards the opposite gender

I am non-binary and bi I feel comfortable with these labels. It took me a while to tell wether my attraction to men or was just gender envy.

I am trans (mtf). I have not worn men's clothing in several years, but my family has no clue. My family members will go on tirades about trans people while I am sitting across from them in leggings. They have all seen me in skirts at some point, but it never sinks in. It is quite entertaining sometimes. What do you do when no one recognizes it even after you start representing your true gender?

What’s funny is that my perceived gender is sometimes non-bindery but I’m actually a cis girl. It doesn’t bother me though, I kinda don’t care how people perceive me, I just dress how I feel on a given day

honestly, my self discovery was (and still is) a line graph with no connotation. I thought I was bi, then aro, then pan, then gay, and now I'm kinda in between bi and gay. With gender, at first I thought, non-binary, then doubted myself, then trans-fem, then cis, then non-binary, (repeat cycle like 50 times) aaaand now I've been blended into a non-binary genderfluid. People who don't know me perceive me as female, which I used to get annoyed at, but now I realize "oh wait that feel better than being called a guy what?" and my family always perceives me as a guy, even though I'm out to some of them. Proud to celebrate my first pride month out!

As an asexual panromantic transfemme non-binary person, this was fun to watch. Really explains gender and sexuality/romanticism in a way i didn't have growing up.

Thanks for the help, I am now assured that I am male. I was questioning, but I really thought about it, and came to the final decision, I am a cis male.

Here's my orientation chart as a questioning fraysexual heterosexual. Emotionally: Agender, slightly towards female Physically: Almost all the way agender, but slightly towards males Sexually: Agender Mentally: Agender but slightly towards females Sensually: Halfway between males and agender Aesthetically: Mostly towards female but balanced between female and agender Romantically: Male This actually helped me understand myself a lot better, thank you so much. I'm waiting until I'm older to put a label on it, but I'm pretty sure I'm somewhere on the ace spectrum. Thank you so much.

i thought i was polysexual, then omnisexual, and then pansexual. now recently i figured out that i was confused about who i liked and who i was attracted to because i was actually asexual and aromantic. woww, how these things woke out, right?

That shirt really fits your form

ive figured out my gender (and sexuality) a little bit ago (3 months) and im Transgender (MtF) Pansexual and i dont have any physical attraction i love people for their personality.

So aesthetical attraction is the kind of the one in Exist for love I guess? Like, how our love is connected to nature and universe🌌

I don't mean to be nit picky but with finding your gender thing, you described that wanting to be feminine or masculine and dressing in those ways as being your gender or around your gender which it can be but also some people can dress different to there gender or want to be more feminine or masculine without that being there gender, but all that aside I love these videos.

im identify as bisexual and aromantic, i use the lable of Bisexual as an umbrella term of the attraction to 1+ genders, i would have added an aro/ace spectrum line under the circles to ave somewhere to put that in

Great video, but I believe the odds of perfectly alligning is even smaller. Using the 1 million per category example, finding the perfect alligned "clone" on a single circle would indeed be 1 in 1 million (1/1e6). However, when you add even 1 more circle, the odds aren't additive or even multiplicative, but exponential. This means that with 2 circles the chance is (1/1e6)^2 or 1/1e12. In other words, with 7 spectrums and 1 million positions per spectrum, there's only a (1/1e6)^7 or 1/1e42 chance. (Or technically you can just write it as 1e-42, which means as much as 1 with 42 zeroes in front of it, of which the first zero is the one before the comma) Edit: smaller instead of larger 😅

Thank u I love this videos some time to time I love

This basically says that sometimes labels have bouderies but there shouldn't be. It's a bit like a circle graph, you might be closer to the edge then others but identify by how you want.

This helped so much! I was coming out as bi just cuz I thought girls were pretty and dress nice but I'm basically straight other than those two circles.

This isn’t very helpful for me. Firstly, You forgot to mention that you can fall completely outside a circle, eg. nullgender, asexual, and aromantic. Secondly those descriptions of the seven forms of attraction didn’t make sense as to what they actually mean to me. Thirdly, just because I believe we are all people, I love humanity, and would do “romantic things” (which as you defined it, going out of my way to make their life better, which to me with that wording includes holding the door for someone) doesn’t mean I want to have anything to do with them, or whether or not I find them repulsive. I just do nice things not taking into account any kind of attraction. I dunno this is just how I am.

You are doing gods work my friend

The intensity of me feeling female fluxuates and my sexuality also does. But I also would consider myself nonbinary and poly or bisexual for making it more simple.

As a genderfluid person I just stamped the actual gender circle and had it completely filled in.

So if gender fluidity is the idea that your actual gender can change on a day to day basis, and the only way to know what our actual gender will be is to ask ourselves what we feel like our gender is at the time, does that mean that a person's gender identity is dictated by their feelings and feelings can change on a day to day basis? Our feelings can easily be effected by external factors like our families and our communities and our social media usage, so wouldn't it be a better idea to find our identity in something that isn't subject to change or outside influences?

For the gender chart, I landed on a pretty standard 2D chart with Female on one axis and Male on the other, each as 0% - 100% subjective scale, with a short of organically recognized half-axis for nonbinary following y=x. Each of these three axese have a short of radio button or check-box on the end for marking legal documentation and/or SAaB. So the lower-left closer to (0,0) would be an Agender space, the upper-right closer to (100,100) would be a Non-Binary Space, and the spaces closer to (100,0) and (0,100) would be relative to whether it was the Masc axis or Femme axis. Then, each person exists on the chart in a given space, which varies in size, shape, and placement between different people, and may be referred to as Genderfluid. At the end of the day, though, we're trying to simplify discourse about by documenting and understanding a natural process, and there may not be a single correct way to do so. Each way has wisdom and compromise.

This is very helpful! Thanks!