How To Forgive Someone Who Keeps Hurting You 

1. Turn your thinking brain on 2. Don't take it personally 3. Set appropriate boundaries 4. Take responsibility for how your feel--don't give them the power to control your feelings 5. Renew or release the relationship--consider getting professional help. Great tips! I also believe that we should forgive, not because the offender deserves it, but because WE deserve to be freed from anger/resentment/hurt.

"It's not ok. So, don't say it is." Profound. Great explanation.

Hurt people hurt people. Heal thyself, and you won't be among hurt people who hurt people

the dad energy in this warmed my heart 🥺

Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is realizing that the other person is completely stupid.

If I get a therapist, I need this energy. I feel like I can talk to this man about my whole life and he can't even see me! Lmao

Him: "Forgiveness is also not allowing someone to continue to hurt you" ME: took me 20 years to cut off my toxic cousins who mentally abused me. Thank you for this video. I am late to view this but worth the wait.✨

The is one of the best videos I've ever watched in my entire life, I'm seriously not kidding when I say that.

I'd totally pay this guy to be my therapist. Really helpful content here, thank you.

it's so hard when the other person hurts you without even wanting it, because they are broken themselves

I love how sassy this was 😂

This finally taught me to meditate. No one has been able explain it to me in a way i could understand. The key part was the pause after the inhale of breath.

Let's just appreciate how this great man took the time to reply to every single comment. Awesome work sir👍 You make a difference in people's lives. So, thank you for being you.

in a fight or flight, I just froze. And now struggling to move on.

Something that I learned many years ago that helps me to forgive is that my sin is no worse than theirs and their sin is no worse than mine. We all make mistakes. We all say things we shouldn't. Hopefully if we hurt others we are sorry for it, and can offer a sincere apology. And sometimes even if someone has hurt us and they do not offer a sincere apology, we have a choice of whether we will forgive them anyway or hold on to unforgiveness that eventually produces bitterness. It's really just not worth it. Forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling.

as long as you blaming someone else for how you feel you are giving them too much power - I really needed this video tonight

They NEVER CHANGE, as i see it Better fresh starts A new morning

I never say "it's okay" when people apologize

Renew or release the relationship was the best part of this talk. Practical advice, thank you.

Doctors permanently changed my life when they damaged my foot 48yrs ago when I was aged 13 & continue to do so, as if it never happened. Desperately trying to forgive so I can sleep tonight

Love your videos, thank you. I’m a 56 yo grandma that has custody of my two young grandsons, going through a lot of changes!! I have used your techniques on getting my 4 yo to preschool without crying/ throwing a fit.. he can go to school crying or happy but either way he’s going to school, lol. I’m not as stressed. Wish you were in the Sacramento area I have so much more to learn. We need family counseling 😢

This is exactly what I was looking for: best advise on forgiveness I found on RU-vid. Love from Portugal!

I appreciate you for this video so much, it is as if you know what's in my mind , I keep on getting hurt every time my mom visits me, I will try your tips, wish me the best

If you are feeling deep hurt then honor those feelings, too. Sometimes those feelings are related to childhood trauma. Taking responsibility for how you feel is so empowering. So even if they don’t work with you you can create a new relationship but be ready for resistance. I call them growing pains.

This is a very good video. I was crying hysterically before I watched it and calmed down by the end. Great advice!

A lot of helpful tips here about forgiving others. I just wanted to add a note about the client mentioned who was being physically abused by her husband. I know that was not the focus of this video, however, a couple of comments made in the video minimized the situation of abuse. Physical abuse is almost never a situation that can be addressed in a separation of "a few days". Almost always, there are deeply ingrained generational patterns that need to be healed to stop the cycle of abuse. This is not a quick process and requires deep, long term commitment on the part of the abuser. Its important that the abuse victim maintains a safe distance from anyone who physically abuses him or her until the former abuser has shown extensive progress in their own healing. Safety is number 1, over and above the relationship reconciling. Always. Also. Abuse is not an "occasional" occurrence. It happens in 25% or so of intimate relationships, including Christian marriages. I thank you for your tips regarding forgiveness.

Yes its not okay. Thank you for saying it! I love the way he talks

Some get their feelings hurt and avoid accountability. They don’t address the problem brought to them because they react self defensively. They go into victim mode. Engaging the thinking part could avoid that scenario.

my friend ( I still call them my friend because I pray for them and want them to have a better life. ) they stole from me a year ago and I let it go I forgave them, I was mad at first ofcourse. but I let it go. recently they wanted to chill and I was like ok sure why not I thought we were cool and then they ended up stealing again in front of me and ran off laughing. I just walked away and was like whatever, and prayed for them.

Every words you have said sounds music to my ear. So clear and practical. I thought I knew what forgiveness is but thank God I watched this. Thank you❤️

Thank you so much Dr.Paul for sharing you’re great idea,really help me a lot.😊

This is something that I was actually waiting for. This really makes a lot of sense. Thank you for the video.

C, your advice makes so much sense and has inspired me to think in a healthier way in important areas of my life. Thank you so much for making these videos! I really appreciate you.

Wow excellent thanks so much for this….we all need it! I made notes!

Thank you Dr Pual :) thank for the Video

Thank you Dr. Paul Jenkons. This was very helpful.

Thanks for your coaching videos.

I just found your channel and thank you I’m going to be watching your previous videos and try to apply them to my life thank you so much

this was so helpful and totally changed my perspective on how i'm responding to my own situation, thank you

Thank you so much for making and posting this video. I have experienced NOTHING MORE PAINFUL in my entire life than the "feeling of being "lured in" (pursued by), then used, discarded, and dismissed" by the men with whom I have found myself involved with romantically. Very painful and difficult to "forgive" when I discover their betrayal and their lies. This video has helped me "heal" tremendously.

Thanks for the video..really needed it

Wow! I needed to watch this. Thank you very much . New subscriber 😀.

This was absolutely beautiful. Thank you kind sir

I just found your channel and will be watching all of your previous videos and try to apply them to my life TFS

Dr Paul, you are amazing! The knowledge and your communication skills are the best I’ve ever seen!

Thank You So Much for the amazing insights!!! 🙏🏽

This is gold.

I love this video so much ,, came to me in the right time

So enlightening! Thank you.

A friend for years won't acknowledge or apologize,and I tried to just go along with the charade, but it brought a feeling of pressure in my chest and turned into a physical feeling of suffocation that I finally had to bring up,he became angry as if I were being intolerable just for .mentioning it.now we don't speak at all.

Brilliant insights, delivered with compassion and easy to relate to. Thanks for these positive and actionable messages, they are a blessing. ;)

Wow thanks this was so helpful. ❤️

Cool, I needed to hear this. It helped.

Very concise but helpful steps. I didn't know the relationship had to be "renewed" which is why I was struggling so much to forgive, I didn't want to go back as if nothing happened and now I understand I don't have to. I'll apply the steps, thank you so much!

1Turn on the thinking part of your brain Breathing exercise 2. Reframe the situation. It isn't personal. It could have happened to anyone who was in your situation 3. Set limits, bounderies 4. Take full responsibility for how you feel 5. Relationships release or renew

Thank you so much for the videos. I tried to apply. After a long time I could apply it. It is new and I have never heard of it. Very good information!

Thank you for this. I hurt my girlfriend really badly. My emotions were out of control but I had a choice to control them. She broke off from me. But I am truely sorry. I'm doing my best to become a better person. I took her for granted and I can only pray she forgives me. I am filled with guilt and I must do something about it.

Good morning Mr Paul thank you for your video about marriage, I just want to inform you that your teaching has been working in my home now thank you so much for your time and support, God bless you and your family 🙏 🙏 🙏 😘

Loved this. Thank you

You are extremely intelligent, you obviously are a man of science and faith as am I, many Christians today falsely assume the two cannot coexist when you're obviously evidence of the contrary, thank you for making this video

This is amazing

Great answer....forgivness is hard, but salvation is worth it. Sometimes it's a struggle to let go because your mind may dwell on it, even if you try to let it pass.

Thank you for doing this video for us.

Amazing tips and very valuable .. thank you

Well said! Thank you!

All I can say is that It is just all meant to be no matter what ever since when you were born. Pretty rational thought but true to be I am so sorry. I am just wondering that I did ever have a previous life before. That is the key and I'd like to know.

Wow, perfect timing

This is a great video, wonderful advice

Love the content of this video! I REALLY needed this and hope you stay connecting with your viewers through your passion of Psych

“You’re an idiot who will never amount to anything.” “ I going to kick you out on the street.” “Loser.” Are the things my mother said to me after I bombed out of my first year of college before being diagnosed with ADHD. I’m about to start my junior year. Now I’m being told that it’s my fault that the relationship between me and my mother has deteriorated. I feel like I must find a way to forgive her to heal myself and to release my resentment.

So powerful forgive to release ourselves. I am working so hard to do that. It’s not easy.

You legendary Doc made my day better thank you

I just lost a bestfriend recently,then losing before losing my bestie,my dream alpha male,he ghosted me after opening my heart,we shared things to each other,then to turn around & not even speaking to me.I try to comment on his page,he ignores me,I'm so tired.thank you for your great advice.

Forgive them and let them go. You are not obligated to anyone who treats you badly.

You may not be creating the relationship you wish was there, but you can set the terms for a realistic interaction that’s both protective and compassionate to yourself and the person you must create this response to. If you maintain the best of yourself, you’re much more difficult to injure with shame or guilt going forwards. Sometimes, forgiveness just means accepting the other person’s actions were their choice and that if you marinate in anger, you’re accepting and perpetuating the intended pain. If you use it to become someone you’re more proud of, to nourish the parts of you that are most valuable to your ability to live: understanding and compassion, self-respect, then you become a better version of you. In the end, no joke, gratitude often follows. Not gratitude for abuse or an abuser, but gratitude for the resultant growth of overcoming it, and opportunities it creates.

I love your channel!!

Thank you‼

i hv began to forgive and learn the way how to handle hurt... its not easy process but i will take baby steps. Thank you for enlightening me.

Thanks for this video. I wish I can forgive that person because If I can't, I will never talk to that person which it will make my heart hurt for few years but I will be free from that person forever and I believe I'll find myself and be more happy.

This is so helpful i wish i knew this earlier

Thank you!

❤️❤️❤️❤️ tnx so much !

Love this man … ! It’s not ok .. so true !!!

I have watched this video twice...we all miss your nice words

“Take responsibility for how you feel- don’t give them the power to control your feelings.” These could use videos of their own.

Thank you dr paul

forgiving is cutting them off? well my sister forgave me I have had a difficult time. my lovr hurt m me a lot and I got the pain home, and all landed on my sister. She understood me ! Instead of cutting me out. and gave me a shoulder for healing. I did forgive my love, he was an ill person, whatever was his reason, I do not think his intention was hurting me, he just has an illnes and went through lot of shit. he cut me off eventually he was punishing me not to reply. but he just stopped the hurt. Sometimes we consider that other people do not have feelings. I am so greatful for my sister. without her i would be dead. her kindness healed me

I needed this ahhh😭😭😭

I’m thankful for you

That actually very good,I got it 😊

🙏 Very engaging and compassionate! One super cool dude. Also, 😂 "Bear-chow" lol!!!

Your whole video went out the door when you spoke abt the abused woman who had to leave for a couple of days. You should ALWAYS encourage someone who is abused to leave that situation immediately because it will happen again. It might be years later but it will happen. These type of people never change and it could mean someone’s life. I honestly can’t even believe you put this out there like this🤦🏻‍♀️ I was slapped in the face once by my partner and it was out of character or so I thought. 3 years later he came home in a rage over nothing, busted all the windows out with his fists, all the light fixtures and threatened to kill me. He was choking me when my daughter jumped on him. These kinds are ticking time bombs never give them another chance.

Thank you. This is important, when there is constant political wounding in social media and in commercials.

Thank you thank you.

I love you. All of humanity. 💪

Here in 2020....Forgiveness is not saying its okay,coz its not okay

Thank you 😉

Yoo Thank You So Much ! I Grew Up Always Thinking I Had To Always Reconcile No Matter How Many Times People Would Hurt Me. I Have Been Learning How To Set Boundaries & I Can Only Hope To Be Able To Move Out So I Can Have Complete Peace & Distance Soon😍🤧

We as Christians need to understand things happen and I feel people with a conscious do make mistakes and sin...you must deal with it and hurt will come. Prayers for all who struggle and those who seek to do hurtful things to us. I'm 48 and am still growing and learning, praise God.

Thank you sir for helping me