How to Improve Descriptive Writing Mr Salles

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14 фев 2017

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Комментарии : 63

@PreetKaur-sf5vq 5 лет назад

can you write only 4 paragraphs but with a lot of techniques in order to get a 9 or they wouldn’t be enough!?

@therayilahude915 4 года назад

Since English is not my first language, I found your videos very helpful. You explained everything in great details by providing the sample as well. There aren't many videos which dissect the writing style like this one, thank you very much.

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 4 года назад

Thank you

@zybi397 6 лет назад

The shade to mr bruff 😡😡🤣

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 6 лет назад

I encourage all my viewers to watch different teachers, as different perspectives help them learn new ideas. Hope you use suncream Trina.

@maisiespence2482 4 года назад

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish she needs suncream because you threw all the shade at Mr. Bruff

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 4 года назад

Maisie Spence That’s a brilliant wit!

@maisiespence2482 4 года назад

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish I thank you kindly, sir

@nosanice2866 7 лет назад

can you please do a video on this or tell me what grade this is: Describe the scene at a funfair The music was loud. So loud. The bass would latch onto my heartbeat and send a thrill across my body. Towering rides stretched to the clouds. Teenagers at the roller coaster screamed with elation ; almost louder than the music. The horses at the carousel danced to the rhythm. Their smooth skin stuck to me in the blazing heat. At the center of the funfair was a game of bopping apples and a middle aged woman was leaning over a blue bucket of water. Droplets were glistening on her eyelashes whilst a black trail of mascara drizzled down her soaked skin. The water rippled like miniature waves fading in the bucket. A bright red apple bounced along the surface like a submarine. Excited children ran in circles near a hotdog stall, screaming out "tag!" One child was laying across the concrete floor with her grazed knees tugged towards her chest. The hushed sound of her cries were swallowed by the tune of laughter and music, making her almost inaudible. She stared at her sore knees as a tear drop trickled down the side of her face. A group of five teenage girls walked in a line with their arms linked. All of them were holding onto a stick of pink fluffy candyfloss that sparkled beneath the bright blaze. Their fingers were sticky and they walked in a careless, wobbly line towards a group of elderly, who lay in a patch of grass. Their wrinkled skin was a tie-die of red and brown. One of them wore a white pair of shorts and some grey floral Clark's sandals. Her head was buried into the freshly cut grass that was neat and even like the teeth of a comb.

@sbegum29 6 лет назад

Rihab Hasan that's rlly good!!

@xianglan9685 5 лет назад

Nice job

@tombadibooz9529 5 лет назад

Marvelous👍👍

@ManpreetKaur-kg2gn 3 года назад

Hello Mr Salles, I find your videos very helpful its helping me a lot with my descriptive writing. Thanks!!

@davidpage411 2 года назад

ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-fWRuXw8fMCc.html

@sunitahiremath9577 4 года назад

thanks

@Jay-pf4bm 5 лет назад

i feel a storm brewing 2:27

@maxwellganonia6045 7 лет назад

Can you combine the creative writing with the description of question 5 paper 1? So if it were about the picture of a train could you make a story based on that picture with descriptive writing?

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 7 лет назад

Yes!

@skam5572 4 года назад

In your language guide at question 5 the planning part what do you mean by write words that give sound?Do you mean onomatopoeia or just the noun of where the sound comes from?

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 4 года назад

I mean think about the consonants, and how it sounds out loud.

@tapuwachitiga2547 7 лет назад

as a high grade student, can you interlink language form and structure to make your argument more fluid or is it safer/easier to garuntee it'll be recognised if you seperate the 3. Thanks

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 7 лет назад

Tapster Chitiga Yes, interlink, it is more fluent.

@loveen3186 6 лет назад

Sir, if a picture comes up on something other than a storm (any other picture), can use my description of a storm and try and link it to the photo? will the examiner still mark my work?

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 6 лет назад

Probably, but don't rely on it

@tombadibooz9529 5 лет назад

Can you please do a video on analysing the book 'Tempest'

@meerkatking5521 3 года назад

Hello there Mr Salles. I need help with the description and story. I tend to write a decent 200-300 words but after that I run out of ideas. Any tips to improve my ideas and writing?

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 3 года назад

Too many to tell you. I have lots of videos on this, and of course 3 excellent guides on Amazon.

@mrkrabs5711 7 лет назад

why did you post the same video twice

@goswamilsrtr4663 3 года назад

of what exam you are teaching

@ollyhill2016 5 лет назад

Hi, how many paragraphs would i need to get a grade 7 with a similar paragraph?

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 5 лет назад

That's not how it works. 350-500 words.

@destined0645 3 года назад

Is there a website where there is good descriptive writong examples or essays etc fpr inspiration?

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 3 года назад

There is. Check it out Master Descriptive Writing app.scoodle.co.uk/e/dominic-salles

@ayme5868 4 года назад

How many words would I have to write for a grade 9?

@idrk1507 3 года назад

normally a whole page (2 sides). But a teacher gave 40/40 marks to a student who only wrote in one side, so really, it's quality over quantity (but ofc don't write 50 words and call it a day). I'd suggest 350 minimum and 650 maximum. Any more than 650 is excessive (and I'm being generous with 650)

@rattata66 2 года назад

69th comment and 69k views

@saff1257 5 лет назад

ghost-quiet, the frosty air howled past madeleines ear, frosting the tips as it brushed past. travelling down her arm, the air encased her hand in an ice-cold, invisible blanket. splinters stuck out from under the pressure supplied by madeleines bitter cold hands; her grasp on the wooden beam tightening. behind her, the burbling of waves became unsettlingly quiet as they drifted away, revealing the fear she had enclosed within her. her eyes lead her gaze to her left, where thomas and the rest were perched on blocky boxes. they, too, sat there, solitary like prisoners. she wanted -with all her will- to speak. she needed to ask the question. the question bugging her mind. but soon enough she came to realise, the cloud of the sky had somehow blocked her mouth closed; as if it were a passenger bag zipped shut. plastered to her brain, the question still weighed on her mind. the question was a weight of water drowning her sanity. sanity slipped. “can we go back?” the voice was weak and weird; sounding like the first words of a newborn babe. the struggle behind it was too obvious. but it was not her voice. pupils dilating, mouth creaking open, heart pounding, she was astonished that her question had, all this time, been shared. speckled puddles of pink appeared on her cheeks, and the corner of her mouth rose up as if being pulled by a fishing rod. this happiness was not long-term, though. the glares and sniggers of thomas and the others punched at her happiness. she knew she and the other girl had cocked up. her brain became wobbly. her pupils closed in. she ignored the flock of emotions in her head, and asserted her gaze forward. parrallel with the ocean-as straight as she could. the pink puddles turned to streaks of red, branded into her cheeks. embarrassment and shame overpowered the bitter-cold, and was now the only thing embracing her.

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 5 лет назад

Great description, though the plot is not really clear

@kon1402 4 года назад

The train is not the only thing that has been derailed: 1. What is the main message of the whole description? ONLY ONE sentence devoted to human causalities??? The non-human casualties, like trees, tables, cabinets, belongings seem to attract a lot more attention. Maybe it is a type of black humour: let's ignore the fact that lots of people died; who would like to read it in, for example, a local newspaper? In fact, people seem to be treated here as a relatively insignificant part of the train interior. 2. Going back to human causalities, there might have been more dead people in the forest, as it says that the forest was crowded. It appears that not only trees might have been smacked, torn apart and knocked down, but people too. A very ambiguous use of a metaphor. How about a thick/ dense forest? 3. "a woody forest" = buttery butter, watery water, salty salt, etc. Can you imagine a forest with no wood? How about a woody hill/park? 4. As a result of an awkward personification, we are looking at the TRAIN IS A TERRORIST metaphor: the train appears to have a mind of its own: it intends to JUMP and knock as many trees/people in the forest as it CAN. It is further reinforced with a battlefield metaphor. Why not use a DERAILED TRAIN is an AXE/ CHAINSAW metaphor instead? An axe is a mindless tool. 5. The whole metaphorical imagery lack unity: it starts with a DERAILED TRAIN IS A TERRORIST metaphor, then the DERAILED TRAIN becomes a RATTLE SHAKEN BY A BABY(i.e. a young child), and finally the TRAIN ends up as a BATTLEFIELD. We have three, very different metaphors. It is better to stick to one. 6. The final 3 lines are a bit funny: it looks like the belongings, together with some trees and branches, were the only survivors as they were able to make their way through the windows. :))) It really surprises me that English teachers keep highlighting/ticking words and language features but rarely read for meaning. The student shows promise: some nice vocabulary and language devices but ,all in all, his text not only lacks a clear message, but it contains messages which could be inhumane and even offensive. This is a very strange choice of model descriptive writing.

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 4 года назад

An interesting commentary. I'll keep it here for students who might learn from it. How do you feel about rewriting it for another follow up video?

@kon1402 4 года назад

@@MrSallesTeachesEnglish Hi, thank you. I will think about it. I am helping my daughter, who is in year 10, with her writing. Maybe I will ask her to rewrite it as a challenge. :)

@MrSallesTeachesEnglish 4 года назад

kon1402 A good idea. Thank you.

@themilkemissary7898 4 года назад

Could you give me some tips about identifying the meaning in a text and how to get evidence on how the text further supports the identified meaning/effect in a p.e.e structure (or reccomend a video that does this please)

@kon1402 4 года назад

@@themilkemissary7898 I can't give you any links because I have seen only one channel dedicated to GCSE English (with ~ 200 subs) I could watch without cringing. As to my tips, you need to examine all evidence carefully first (you need to learn to be selective, you need to look for patterns, similarities and important differences and learn to create categories) and you need to learn to let the meaning emerge naturally. It is just like playing Fortnite: when you first parachute on the island, you don't really know what to do. You don't know the map, you don't know weapons and you don't have the building skills, ... . But soon, you will naturally learn to be more and more selective because you will form categories: OP weapons vs crap weapons, good places to land vs not so good places to land, etc. In fact, gamers, on average, have vary good communication skills because they know how to evaluate everything inside their games and they don't have problems with creating a meaning for their texts and support it. They write very good guides and very detailed weapons comparisons and suggestions on how to improve the game and write very good critiques of patches. And they never follow any p.e.e structure. :) Interestingly, they naturally use the academic Situation - Problem - Response - Evaluation structure. Shakespeare used the same structure: Situation - Scotland ravaged by rebellions; Problem - one brave thane, Macbeth, has an ambition to become a king; Response - Macbeth kills the king and takes the crown; Evaluation: Macbeth suffers from paranoia, becomes a tyrant and gets killed. Negative evaluation = no happy ending = a tragedy. And that is an easy discourse pattern for creating tragedies and also a way for creating/identifying the meaning of a text. If you look at the text analysed in this video, it doesn't follow any problem - solution pattern. It is completely meaningless; it is like comparing a sniper rifle to a tree in a game. One way of improving the text would be to find a problem. Such tragic accidents abruptly end our dreams and dreams of others: wives waiting with dinners for their husbands who travelling on the train from work worried that they forgot to buy an anniversary present.

@ayshaakli5849 3 года назад

I think I cheated I saw this paper the day before the exam And guess what got the same pic and remember what u wrote and copied Got full mark Lol😂😂😂😂😂😂

@naim207 3 года назад

Wait for the mock?

@ayshaakli5849 3 года назад

@@naim207 ya Exact same question answer and everything I already know what grade I got 9999999999999999 am so happy I can guess my teacher reaction right now He is going to say what a good improvement well done

@ayshaakli5849 3 года назад

But am not sure question 4 3 and 2 I might get only 1 or two mark away from the full mark But still that will be grade 9 since I got full mark in question 5 For question 4 got 19 out of 20 Q 3 got 7 out of 8 Q 2 7 out of 8 Q 1 full mark

@naim207 3 года назад

@@ayshaakli5849 do you remember what the questions were? Kinda stressing out lool

@naim207 3 года назад

@@ayshaakli5849 also what year are you in?