Video Timestamps: 0:00 Welcome 2:37 Topic Introduction 8:58 Fact 1 - You CANNOT Make Your Wife Happy 18:40 Fact 2 - You are NOT the Source of Her Unhappiness 24:10 Fact 3 - Your Wife Wasn't Happy When You Met Her 30:30 What Men Can Do 36:07 What Women Can Do 39:08 Questions and Comments
Many have said that there is a food which instantly destroys a woman's libido - wedding cake. No lie. I spent my honeymoon on the bed watching TV while the succubus was in the other room brooding. It only got worse. The little angel turned into a devil overnight. I sat there thinking, "This is it until I die."
My ex was down right evil during her pregnancy. She stayed that way after the birth of our son. A couple of years later she was acting like a normal human being. I asked her about this and she told me she went back on her meds. What meds? Then she told me she was going off them again. No!!!!!! She took psyc meds to find a man and tossed them when she won. I was married to a dangerous lunatic.
So sorry for you. Believe me I know how that feels to sit in a honeymoon hotel room with a new wife who had an instant personality change and shuts down. You say to yourself, ‘oh sh!t what have I done’.
I wouldn't typically take relationship advice from a woman (as a man), but I've never heard a woman come from a point of absolute accountability. Everything she says makes complete and total sense.
Married for 30 years, what I have learned is Women have no earthly idea what they want. Thats why they change clothes three times before they can go anywhere. And yes the goal posts move all the time. What I have learned about that is that I don’t give a damn. Once she figured that out, She changed her attitude. No marriage is perfect, but I am happy. I get what I want and so does she.
A woman can be happy for the first few days of a relationship but never long term. Once they figure out you are human and not a character in a tv show or movie you may as well leave. The moment you fail to keep them entertained or if you express needs of your own, it's over.
This is mostly only true when a woman is not really in love with the man. A lot of women marry because they are pressured by their families. Or they see that they are getting older, and don't think they have any other options.
So, perhaps, what we, I, need to develop is some sort of mature "shit-test"? Make that list of my own. And first off all stop being so damned starstruck by every scent of women🙄
It blows my mind you said some men on their honeymoon are thinking where did my wife go? It happen to me just like you said. That person never returned, I divorced her after six years of marriage. It was as if someone flipped a switch on her, I just didn't understand what happen. She disappeared into the vapor.....
I like a comment that I read from another video about this subject, they said “Never let a woman know that she is irreplaceable because she will use you and treat you in anyway she wants….”
A week after getting married my wife said "I guess we should have sex now." Like it was a chore. I was so disappointed, and it took me years to see it as the red flag it was. Should have divorced immediately.
You describe my ex-wife-32 years- very well. I am a good man anf I tried to make her happy. She was mean and abusive to me so I moved into a spare bedroom. One year later she filed divorce. I hoped she would change her mind but she carried it to the end. She lied about me in deposition. She called me "violent and abusive". I refused to say anything negative about her. I cared for her very much. I tried to get her into counselling and therapy. I tried to get help from my church. As you said, if I could have gotten 10% from her I would have been satisfied. You have laid out the problems very well. But you really don't offer a solution. My ex destroyed her family, her reputation, our future. It is all terribly sad. I fee sorry for any man foolish enough to get married. Karyn, please contiue to speak. I do not think it will make any woman change, but it will be helpful with the post mortem as society crumbles. I will never trust any woman again.
Please don’t give up. There are some good women out there. All women are not the same. Many of us good ladies go to work and go home and avoid the dating scene. It’s hard for healthy people to find each other.
@@Kairos6081 Agreed it's not about race but it is about values and culture and NO man in his right mind should consider dating western women for marriage in this day and age, unless of course they want to get divorce-graped.
I think it's Also a global problem. Started when we're Boys and we're told that girls have problems ect so we should be tolerant and Adapt to them... On TV You Have all these shows telling Men what They SHOULD do FOR women. So A Man would have the Natural tendency to think that the Happiness or his girlfriend depends solely on him. And I, was Like that when I was younger too.
True, some times women / wife gets support of culture, and other women in family, where some think they are helping others add fuel to fire and want the fun... I, today feel, am the one on the receiving end - heeding for futher emotional torture of not having the woman I loved, and not being with the children I so adored and loved - been educated over time systematically to hate me. Why, I could not meet the expeectations in terms of money to match the standard and security they expected from me, and me alone - not as a family! that's where culture comes in play. Difficult for western culture to understand. Even more difficult to explain.
Your you tube channel has open mu eyes to take more accountability for my actions and have a healthier marriage and be happy with my husband he is a good man😊
OMG, I am not crazy!! My 7 years marriage was a nightmare of trying everything to make her happy. I thought my ex was a Narcissist. She is just fundamentally unhappy and there was nothing I could have done to save the marriage. Thank You for this channel. I am learning to set emotional boundaries in my life to prevent the abuse ever happening again.
in my case, it wasn’t a point of making her happy because happy should come from within. i’ve realized you can’t fix chronic unhappiness. my goal was always try to prevent unhappiness until she could find her own happiness. after 31 years she still divorced me.
Wow! This is what happened to me in our marriage (now divorced). I knew she wasn't happy before we married, she was in therapy. All her friends and family said how much happier she was since we were together. But on the honeymoon she said something cruel and belittling during s3x which totally threw me. She apologised later and said she thought she had ruined it all. We got over that but it soon became clear that she married me ONLY because, at 36, I was her last chance to have kids. She settled for me, and although she never said that explicitly, it became clear I was never good enough. We had 3 kids, married for 20 years but the last 6-7 were sexless and I was dumped when the kids were all at college. She is now with a rich, tall guy ( she always resented that she had to settle for a guy her own height) but he is a deeply unhappy man who himself has escaped a toxic marriage. I am happy alone for the time being. I now realise I don't need a woman to make me happy, and am putting effort into friends and family relationships
Don’t be happy alone just ‘for the time being’, be satisfied if you are never again in a romantic relationship. We’ve been sold a lie; that’s it’s the end all and be all; it’s not. There’s a lot more to life, keep your self respect and go find it. It’s no else’s job to provide you with happiness.
So, there won’t be a video on how to recognize a happy woman, because it’s not possible to recognize a happy woman. It’s possible that there are some women who are truly happy from within, but it’s extremely rare because everything in our culture positions women to not be happy from within. They’re constantly bombarded with social messaging that they’re not pretty enough, not sexy enough, not skinny enough, etc. And that’s coupled with the problematic issue of if any women are attracted to you they’re going to show you a presentation of themselves that looks exactly like what you expect a happy woman to look like. They’re going to be fun, spontaneous, funny, flirtatious, seductive, interesting, full of life. You’re going to perceive it as happiness but it’s not really. It’s courting. The reality is, and this is going to feel awful, you need to stop caring whether or not they’re happy. Instead, you need to be strong and independent. And even though that runs counter to what you’ve been taught is a “good man” and relationship building, it’s actually what makes them “happy.” I am NOT advocating for you to be a womanizer. Definitely be a one woman kind of man. But do not look to make your woman happy. Be kind and loving to her, but do not care if she actually becomes happy with your treatment of her. What you should care about is your career success and your success with all of your life goals. And if you do that, in what seems a very contrary reality, she will actually become more attracted to you and will seem, and truly be, more happy.
The fact that 90%+ messages on this vlog are from men says a lot. IMO, many if not most women hate accountability and will avoid vlogs like this like the plague.
My wife treats everyone else and our pets better than me. I couldn't get a $14 book but she can buy the 2 dogs new beds, toys and treats. Even strangers get treated better. Infact, the better we know people she becomes more comfortable insulting me or threatening to leave me behind.
I am shocked that most of the comments are from fellow males... women really DO run from accountability. I sent some of her videos to my sister as a test to gauge her reaction, lol
I like a comment that I read from another video about this subject, they said “Never let a woman know that she is irreplaceable because she will use you and treat you in anyway she wants….”
I've been married 27yrs, a great wife while she was pregnant, and our family complete, no more sex or intimacy Since afterwards. Still married only through faith in God.
@@robertnattrass8672as a woman, cheating is cheating. Regardless physical or emtoional. She shouldn't be withholding sex. The Bible says so as well. I am christian and married and tell myself that so even when I am tired, I know Gods word says to not withhold from our husbands-and likewise
The book " 5 love languages" and couples counseling promotes and re- enforces co dependency,and that NEVER works! You are the only one I've heard point this out and explains it so well ❤
I've never thought of the five love languages that way. To me he's simply saying know what the other likes and give it to them. But then, I'm coming from the viewpoint of a good husband and a good wife. I've heard a lot about angry abusive men, but nothing about angry and abusive women. Never experienced that. So, this is a whole different world than what I've known. I can't imagine a woman not being satisfied with a loving, caring, and gentle man. But, you know a whole different side of women that I don't. Thanks for the insights.
My narc wife who cared nothing about my needs tried to nag me into reading that book directly telling it was so I could learn to fulfill her needs. That book is a load of feminist idealistic bulls#!+!
My eyes are always full of tears whenever I watch your videos. The only and best sweet memories of my marriage was my honeymoon and ever since it’s hell on earth for us. Am still married to my wife from 2016 and we have two kids. I want to end the marriage but whenever am with my kids, that unique feeling makes me of stay for another day. I lost my father at a young age and that sad feeling of being a single parent child hurts a lot and I can’t see my children going through that. Thank you for your wonderful work and service.
You may not be aware of it, but your kids know things are not right between mom and dad. Do them and yourself a favor. Devise a divorce strategy and get out. Your children deserve to see what a kind, loving home & family looks like. You don’t mention the sex of your kids, but they need a good example of what to expect from a “good partner”.
I have been married almost 15 years. This is my second wife. I thought this one was pefect. I helped around the house and did anything for her. Fast forward to today, shes always the victim. I thought I was the problem for almost a decade. I lost my mind and went crazy many times. Had to change who i was and became a monster. After finding your videos and others, i feel so much better and realize my marriage has been over for a long time. Im walking away
I was married for 10 years. She refused to help me with our kids and chores. I got yelled at if I tried to touch her. I would feed our young kids before she got home from work to prevent her screaming at them at the dinner table. She finally left us to be with her alcoholic boyfriend. He was “so exciting.” I got the divorce done in a few months and got custody of our kids. Good luck to you.
I remember telling my pastor and his wife in front of my fiancee, "I just want to make her happy", and he's like, "you can't make her happy, it's not your job to do that" as if everyone knows that. But I honestly just wanted to please her and make her proud she married me.
My wife and I have reconciled quite a bit, but this isn't the first time, so time will tell. I finally told her we were done. No ultimatum, just done. Since then, she has made an appointment with a councelor to address her problems which include surviving the Straight program in south Florida as a teenager. Most of the program's participants are dead these days. I've also looked at myself and found a man I did not want to be, so I got myself into counseling with the VA, and started getting active again. The real problem is us as the leaders not being true leaders by example. If I'm not doing the things I know I should be doing, it reflects like ripples in a small pool and expands to every member of my family, including our boys.
Karyn, I have found the answer for the good men you speak of is to draw closer to God. I have found peace in doing this and just pray every day for the softening of my wifes heart.❤
For ”good men” : 1) 9:27 You cannot make your wife happy. 2) 18:40 You are not the source of your wife’s unhapiness. 3) 24:10 Your wife was not happy when you met her.
What sucks is that women don't even try to understand how we as men express love and want to enhance happiness. They kill our efforts to add happiness to the point where we lose the willingness to try.
Great insights. Men perceive women as the ‘relationship experts,’ high in ‘emotional intelligence’… and men default to a females opinion on these matters…it just ain’t so.
I have seen more men fall deeply in love than any woman, the women leave, the men are broken because they realize the woman never actually had any love or loyalty.
My sister told me I have no emotional intelligence when my wife of 17 years kicked me out and I had to stay at my dad’s for a few months. Then one chilly morning when the power went out in half the house, I was needing some feedback from the breaker box, she’s screaming demonic nonsense from her bedroom, “she works for DFACS from home and her laptop wasn’t charged, yay..” so I walk to the door to say “Just tell me when it comes back on, nothing else” and she hits me in the face, and I subsequently found myself living in my car. Yep. Women are great
The moral of this video tells you one message….. Don’t have a romantic relationship with a woman that had emotional trauma in her life especially if she is left angry and bitter…. I really hate to say that but it’s true. That’s the standard that we need to keep our own daughters by keeping them well loved, safe, and sexually pure till marriage.
Since a lot of men, myself included, can't tell when we're at the corner of Cluster-B and Borderline Avenue, the best bet is to never marry or procreate. Just be a "Chad". The problem is, most of us aren't high enough in looks SMV to be a "Chad" and end up with "Chads" left overs, like a half eaten bag of fries at a fast food restaurant.
@Chong760 My wife's traumas came from having to raise her two younger brothers after her mom was killed in an auto accident, with little help from her father who had stopped farming and worked in a factory night shift. Her 4 older brothers were all married or at college and were of no help. One of them and his wife lived within walking distance, but never came over at night to make sure things were good, and then lock the doors on the way out. Then, three years after we were married, our first son was born with special needs after a poorly handled delivery. She is still bitter about being 11 and getting little help with her younger brothers. Not so much with our late son, but there will always be that trauma just beneath the surface. It's been a rough 48 years.
@@johntiggleman4686Wow. What a story. Thank you for this. I suppose whatever woman you marry, and whatever past she had, you can still be the responsible man by providing healthy boundaries between you two. It’s how every healthy marriages thrive.
Good advice, but God - He can truly heal any wound/baggage/trauma. That said, the marriage will only work if both the man and woman will agree to do marriage God’s way (husband is the head, must love his wife and sacrifice for her, and the wife must respect her husband and be submissive to him) - NOT a normal thing in our culture
The irreconcilable problem is that women themselves don’t know how they are going to feel of think, from one day to the next. My last partner, woke up one morning after a vivid dream and was utterly convinced it had happened in reality. 🙄
So accurate. If the woman can not life happy before the marriage, there is no hope. The issue is very often that women have been run through by many men. When she is ready for marriage, she is totally traumatized and run empty. She has nothing to offer to her husband and, in addition, suffers deep depression episodes.
I have never heard anyone in my 68 years who is more wise in regard to female behavior. This woman is going to be famous. We are watching the beginning of her rise to prominence.
Your the only person I have ever heard say that if a wife withdraws physically it’s a sign she’s unhappy with herself. When I was married this confused me and hurt me for a very long time.
My wife of 24 years withdrew from me 5.5 years ago. I kept thinking she would come back to her self but she just remained distant and bitter. She blew up at me multiple times and made me believe it was me. I was convinced for a while but have since awakened. I am discovered all the conditional love threats. She said, "I hate beards and she won't kiss me if I don't shave. I shaved for 24 years. It is like I just figured out the card game and said "screw it". She hasn't kissed me for over 5 years and she is always unhappy and avoiding me anyway. I am growing a beard this year.
Imagine your a woman and it takes you 40 years to finally realize this.... moms used to tell their daughters all this, now they say "if your unhappy leave him" so they can be unhappy forever.
A great number of women that I’ve known don’t seem to be happy beyond 25 years of age. They seem to live in a world where nothing is good enough and gratitude is in short supply. Edit: Absolutely agree about couples therapy. Couples therapy only started my divorce. Great points today btw thank you. My first marriage went exactly as you described-I could feel my new bride’s disappointment on the plane back from our dream honeymoon. Second wife as soon as she was done breastfeeding our child. Completely changed.
The reason why she seemed so happy when you were dating vs how she changed when you got married is this: when you were dating she was reveling that her beauty was attractive to you and she was winning in attracting you to want her. As soon as you got married there was no more contest for her. No more game to win. The fun goes away when there’s no more competition. Everything she learned as a preteen girl by watching older girls, and everything she practiced as a teenager in learning how to be beautiful and attractive to boys, all of her life skills are now spent. They’ve fulfilled their purpose. And now what does she have left? Who is she if she’s not attracting boys? The sad answer is, nothing. And that’s what she feels. She feels like nothing. You think the wedding is one last initial hurdle before a lifetime of peace and love and happiness, building a life with this woman. She sees the wedding as her Super Bowl, the final glorious display of her conquering powers of beauty. After which she is purposeless with you. What’s next for her? Having kids. But she’ll never regain that happiness she had when she was attracting a boy enough to get him to agree to marry her.
I’ve been out of our home of 22 years for two months now. I moved into a tiny one bedroom apartment. I still wake up in panic, trembling, scared. I pray for strength everyday but feel so weak. Even when you escape the type of relationship, accurately described here, does it ever get better???
OfSoulAndSin, From someone who is now four years down the track, there will be good days, there will be bad days. There is no tonic to what you wrote, except to seek out professional support, accept that time is a necessary passage you MUST walk down, reach out to friends who know you, accept you and love you. Know that you are not alone.
Let me say, you are not alone! You are loved, even if it is only strangers who share your challenge. There will be good days. Work on yourself and your life. Those demons you face aren't better than you.
Almost every day when I come home and wake up I have anxiety around my wife. I fear she's always judging me in some way because for a few years I lived under her emasculation. And it gave me OCD type symptoms where I was always analyzing and second guessing my actions wondering if I was ever performing to her standards. I've begun reversing this by looking inward and showing myself the compassion she never did. And I'm slowly getting to a point where I will not let her criticisms live in my head. I'll have so much inner love and strength that nothing she does will affect me and I'll finally be theeader I was meant to be. In a way, her behavior forced me to love myself in ways I never knew I had to. I gotta fill the gap for what she can't provide.
Almost 9 years now, it’s been a long road. I took up hunting and love every minute out in nature not being messed with. It does get better but you have to change your mindset and grind it out. Get stronger all the way around and approach life from a position of strength that you lose with your wife wearing you down.
At the 8:25 mark, when you talk about "your husband being shutdown, with drawing, or ignoring you, ...." that is what blows my mind! If women are so intuitive, how the hell can they not pick up on something is out of sorts? And just keep demanding, and demanding, and demanding???? It's never ending. I can't think of ONE thing that I have demanded or even consistently asked for other than being present. Even then, she knew to put that in her vows because it meant the most to me. First thing to go...presence.
After every fight only I will apologize and reconnect. She could stay silent and seething for a decade. She'd rather stay angry about EVERYTHING than apologize for anything EVER
@@JO-uy6zs so frustrating! I score super high on emotional IQ scales and have for years. The damage I have done to myself trying to "own and take responsibility" for my stuff is probably irreversible at this point. I regularly ask myself, "What is wrong with me?" In the last year I have decided that I WILL own MY stuff! But I will push back like monkey with his banana being stolen when she tries to push her crap on me. And I have. Have things gotten better? No! But at least the battle is not inside me like it had been. I"ve given up hope that it can change or stay changed. Its just insanity to expect anything like that, based on the resume and body of work I have experienced.
Over 30 years until it finally broke me nothing was ever good enough ever, I told her repeatedly if what I'm doing now isn't good enough or even acknowledged or recognized what would be the motivation for me to continue to try harder. 😔
@@JO-uy6zsI did that for 30 years because I was trying to keep the peace and make her happy. I apologized for things I didn't even feel I needed to and it still didn't work. I wrote her letters of apology sincerely because I've been Gaslight to think it was all me now she finally broke me I filed for divorce 3 years ago she's using those letters in court and sharing them with her family and friends to prove that I'm the problem and she's the victim. I have learned I will never apologize to a woman especially in writing again it was weaponized against me she just sent me an email the other day because our divorce is getting close and went on a hardcore rant about how she's going to expose them and prove to everyone what a awful husband I have been through our marriage.
We all must remember that marriage is challenging for a reason. The suffering we endure is not for nothing. We must learn and change ourselves. There’s a reason we deal with the challenging relationships we have. Sadly our culture is so screwed up that most people are mislead and unhappy deep down. None of us should fall into the victim mindset. That’s not how life works. As Karen said, we are the product of our past choices. Our past causes have current effects. And so it goes and goes…. So I’m thankful for Karen and her diligence to help us all rethink things.
When I married my first wife, she was different before the reception was over. After awhile I got married again. I let my wife be right when she was wrong, and tried to be patient when she was not. I will not date an American woman again. I am currently dating a filipina, All she wants to to care for me and I care for her.
Thank you for waking me up. My ex left menand our kids 11 years ago (kids where 3 and 1 at the time) and it broke my heart. I could not understand why I failed her being a husband. To this day I cant get into a relationship, as soon as I feel connection i tap out. I learned am the problem and I have accepted it, I will never put myself in the same position ever again so I stopped dating compleately. You explaining our failure in marrige put me to peace understanding what went wrong, and I think you for it! BTW, am a proud Pappa that have raised my sons on my own and they does great in life and school. After all the family is what life is truly about.
Yep, it's going to be your job to entertain them the 16 hours a day they are awake, 365 days a year for the next 50 years. Screw up once and she's "not happy and wants a divorce" - Modern women mantra in a nutshell Will Smith who can rap & act couldn't even entertain his wife well enough. What chance do you have?
I use to write that on posts and for me I meant a man who is truly himself apologetically and carefree. Wanting everyone in his circle to bathe in his personality. That’s to long to write so I said a guy who can make me laugh😂
The most important lesson for men is - if you're married and not happy, find a good lawyer and prepare a divorce strategy ASAP. Do not wait. It will not get better. Period.
Men need to love themselves more than their women could ever love them. That's the only way to actually be happy in marriage. We gotta change the things we say to ourselves and have our own backs because no woman ever truly will.. Not like how we need. We gotta fill that need for ourselves through lots and lots of self nurture, self care, self respect, and self love. That's the only way we can actually be leaders, husbands, strong men, and good fathers. And as we practice this, the love we give ourselves will transfer to others. It's a total paradigm shift.
@@dr.vonslifeinvesting6485 there are some examples but very rare. You'll see examples if you search on RU-vid but I agree it is tough to find people you know in person that have genuinely been treated better in marriage than when they were dating. I only know 1.
Three months ago I decided to stop trying to make my wife happy. I've been focusing on her well-being so much that I neglected my own. At that point I decided to start exercising, lifting weights, cut calories, give up some bad habits, and stopped neglecting some dental issues. I've slimmed down 3 inches off of my waist. Her gaslighting doesn't seem to phase me anymore and I've realized that she's deprived me sexually for so long that I'm not that emotionally connected to her anymore. Also, before everyone told me I needed to divorce her but I was afraid of the consequences. I'm not as afraid of it anymore. After I've slimmed down a few more inches I'll see how I feel about things at that point
Oh brother. I feel you. I've been so emotionally disconnected from my wife that even when she wants sex with me I actually have to get myself into it. All my bids for connection were met with sandbags from her. So I did as you say. Worked on loving myself. I too slimmed down. Got my abs back. Stopped talking to her as much. Just focused on loving myself and reinforcing my own self like I'm my own best friend. This is actually how a man is supposed to live. This is how we lead in love and transfer it to others - by self love first. Her neglect taught me that. But now when she wants to connect, I'm left with wondering how the hell I can connect with her because any time I open up, it goes nowhere. So I'm stuck playing the waiting game. Waiting till she's finally ready to have a deeper soul bond as married couples should.
@@smokingcrab2290 I don't think I want to reconnect. My wife is constantly pointing out my shortcomings to me and gaslighting me. The disconnect makes it so I don't feel as much pain. She hasn't wanted to have sex in 6 years. I think in 4-5 months as I've continued to improve myself I'm going to reevaluate my view of my relationship. Right now I'm leaning towards divorce
Kudos to you mate 🫡. It's unfortunate that women do these things when they have the easiest task to make us happy. Ultimately all we can do is just focus on ourselves and keep it moving.
Hearing you say a man should treat their wife as a toddler throwing a hissy fit is so liberating for me. I wish I had known this before my wife destroyed our marriage through her controlling ways. How differently things could've been if I had stood up to her sooner.
I am so thankful that in my teens and twenties most of my friends and coworkers were much older than me. I could see how miserable my male friends were and how mistreated they were. I decided that was not for me and have stayed single the whole time and love it. Freedom and money to do whatever I want.
She is correct when I was married I tried so many ways to make my wife happy and the more I tried the further I was losing my true self the consequence going from a happy person to an unhappy person. Single I can lead my life as my authentic true self happy and learned my lesson just avoid the eighty percent of females that are uncomfortable with themselves
Thank you for your insight! I am dealing with an unhappy wife. I’ve been seeing that there’s always a goal/box to be checked for here to be happy, the boxes checked always seem to help her mood for a couple days but she always ends up unhappy and it always seems to be me who needs to do something to change. She’s very very stubborn on looking within herself. This has been the hardest time of my life, we have a 4 month old and a new house and she constantly talks about divorce. I feel like there’s nothing I can do and from what you’re saying, there isn’t.
Hang in there man, I've been where you at. Just stop giving to her and focus on you and your child. She needs to see that she's failing the relationship and if she doesn't care well you tried. Don't devalue yourself more.
It's hard, and I didn't do it, but if women start acting crazy, u have to not put up with it from day one I can't make them happy, be a man and make them act right, with kindness and love as much as possible. Women were not meant to lead, if they do they will destroy a relationship, and u and maybe the kids along with it. Women were meant to be taken care of, and sometimes that means tough love. It's not what our culture teaches us. I tried making her happy for 10 years. She is still unhappy and it is destroying my family. I should have been stronger in the begining.
Thank you! There are many good men who love their woman unconditionally and want to remain married. I’m one of them. Thank you for giving us the tools and knowledge to navigate life. God bless.
@The Happy Wife School : Karyen, requsting same for as " Free Happiness 101 Course for Women" for men too. I life's 24years of marriage will be desiced today , between me and my wife - if we remain married or marriage ends. I will miss her and my children, of whom, by now in years got used to live along with them with no connection or interaction. Bless you for what you are doing, I wish this came a bit early in my life and that of my wife.
If you're expecting your husband / wife to be the source of your happiness you're on a path to divorce. Your happiness is your own responsibility. When I got divorced all my ex talked about was how she wasn't happy - but never mentioned one thing that I did, or didn't do, that led to her unhappiness. She couldn't find anything, the marriage counselor couldn't get anything out of her. I felt this was very selfish of her, but I am glad we are divorced because the woman who divorced me was absolutely not the woman I married.
Yes.......I kid not....I cleared 7 acrea for our homestead, fallen many times, bruises and battered. The queen looks at me as if it was my fault for not doing something right, and she never would have made that mistake. Her idea of checking on me is that she can spot me from the back porch. Not one to get dirty or sweaty and go out in the grass and check in on me. Yeah fifty years of a incubus owned woman. The only thing I get from the videos is that I'm not alone. God says he hates divorce and texas laws says we love divorcing and cleaning men out. So I'm screwed until I die. Yeah me...
I've never thought of the Five Love Languages that way. To me he's simply saying know what the other likes and give it to them. But then, I'm coming from the viewpoint of a good husband and a good wife. I've heard a lot about angry abusive men, but nothing about angry and abusive women. Never experienced that, so, this is a whole different world than what I've known. I can't imagine a woman not being satisfied with a loving, caring, and gentle man. But, you know a whole different side of women that I don't. Thanks for the insights
Yeah I’m watching her as an unmarried woman (have a bf but nothing more) and I’m taking notes not to be an abusive woman to him or the next guy if that relationship doesn’t lasts
Tbh is hard to be happy as an individual. We don't know how to have a good relationship with ourselves because it's such a wierd subject. But ever since I started being my own best friend, my marriage improved. I have to prioritize myself. That doesn't mean be selfish. It means prioritize your physical, mental, and spiritual health. Love and nurture yourself. Respect yourself above all. Give yourself all the patience and compassion you need and keep telling yourself empowering things.
Men need to love themselves more than their women could ever love them. That's the only way to actually be happy in marriage - and in life in general. We gotta change the things we say to ourselves and have our own backs because no woman ever truly will.. Not like how we need. Whatever thoughts you have that bring you down have to be shut off. You gotta change the story you tell yourself. You need to tell yourself the truth - that you're valuable, you're loved, you're capable, etc. Give yourself permission to actually love yourself and speak goodness into you self at all times. It's awkward and wierd at first because we don't know how to receive love from ourselves, which is why we seek it from others. We gotta fill that need for ourselves through lots and lots of self nurture, self care, self respect, and self love. That's the only way we can actually be leaders, husbands, strong men, and good fathers. And as we practice this, the love we give ourselves will transfer to others. It's a total paradigm shift.
Wow, Karen! Your message is great and the shows are getting better and better. They are all good, but this one is just so clear and compressed. Amazing. Keep up the good work!
Everything you mentioned in the podcast is a step-step guide of me being married to my ex-wife. Even being separated (going through the divorce), she's still making life unbearable, especially with the children.
I learned this the first year of marriage to my husband, God led me to this truth. I'm constantly telling my husband that he can't make me happy, I already am happy, and that isn't his job. He still says he wants to make me happy ... I'm not resentful, I don't withhold, I support him and encourage him in his goals, i don't criticize or put him down.
"Happy wife, happy life." It doesn't mean you're supposed to make your wife happy, but you should marry a happy woman as your wife. A person who doesn't know how to be happy alone, man or woman, is not a marriage or relationship material.
I feel this is why men should put themselves first because their is a lot of unhappy women out there and men almost have to have a degree to navigate the level of unhappiness.
Karen, you’re the coolest. Thanks for putting the work into these videos and sharing your thoughts and experiences with all of us. This is gold. I hope the light you’re shining gets brighter and brighter. We for sure need it right now. I’ve shared your videos with a few of my married friends. Times are bleak, and so many of us need encouragement like this. Much love. Thanks again
This is so helpful, thank you. I have been playing both roles in the dance you describe with stunning accuracy. I am 20 years into my third marriage. The dynamic you are describing, and the ineffectiveness of the particular efforts at couples therapy as I have experienced it, is stunningly accurate. My wife and I are bending the curve, but OMG it takes every ounce of energy sometimes for me to stop doing the exact things to her that she has done toward emasculating me. It feels like I am waking from a bad dream. The morning is cloudy, with showers. But just a month ago something very sad and very fortuitous happened. It’s so funny, please bear with me. My wife and I teach Argentine tango. Our lesson planning and our receiving coaching ourselves has been fraught with conflict, but then when we “shut up and dance,” it can be the best feelings ever of mutual bliss. A month ago she injured her knee very badly. I am so happy, and so is she, in taking a break from working together. She is ecstatic to be learning and creating mosaics, a new art form for her. She is distancing herself from even talking about dance related things, and I am weaning myself from seeking her approval or affirmation of my thoughts and experiences in my taking over the teaching program solo. I am very very happy working my tail off training and teaching without the constant jabs that I was getting. We are both happy. Our home life is getting sweeter by the week, although I admit that I am underneath anxious about whether this is just a second honeymoon, if you know what I mean. For me the key is weaning myself from trying to “make her happy,” while still showing up and doing the best I can to be kind and loving just to be that way. I am hopeful for our relationship. I may be on my own indefinitely in dance, or it may be that if we break up the codependent Tango we will enjoy a robust Tango in a partnership where we both show up with everything, two healthy halves making an amazing whole.
Thank you for these lessons. Even though it has been said many times by many good men it definitely hits different when coming from a woman who has done the work to better herself as well. 🙏🏾
Wow thanks,I couldn’t believe it wasn’t me,seems like everything I do is never good enough,she always finds the littlest thing’s wrong instead of appreciating anything,thanks you nailed it
I have been listening to your presentations for a while now, I wish I knew these things early in my life even though I suspected these things, relationship after relationship, I was always being taken advantage of, when I was married, my bride refused to even take me home After the wedding, she wanted me to ride with my best man, let me just say that I am totally blind, and then she proceeded to sleep on the couch for days weeks months years. But I’m really happy to hear your experience and share this with men and women. Thank you! 48:41
I definitely was not happy, I realized later on actually after many years that she only wanted me for children she was more interested in other women. We did get a divorce that I applied for about a month before our 13th anniversary is when the divorce was final. That has been over 30 years now. Nothing I did ever made her happy everything I tried.
I was a part of a church as a teenager that literally said that a man's wife's word to her husband was essentially God's word to him. That a man is responsible to make his wife's wishes his priority as if it was God's direct word to him. They said this on the basis of the scripture that says that Husbands should love their lives as Christ loved the church, and he died for the church. So a man's should "lay down his life for his wife". But they didn't mean if a criminal broke into the house in the middle of the night that he should protect his family. They meant that her whims became God's word to him. As you might imagine, the divorce rate in the marriages in that church was epically high. Probably more than 90% of the marriages failed.
Fantastic insight! Although I’m very happily married, and my wife is literally the opposite of the description of narcissistic personality, I feel even more blessed to have her.
This was eye opening and a little confusing to me at the same time. I always defend my wife because I think she is kind, caring, generous and a great mum. Since our kids came along things have been really hard in our relationship and it feels unrecoverable. I’m a good man and have always been engaged around the house, with the kids and attentive to her needs. Nothing seems to improve our intimacy or closeness and I miss it so much. I do think she is unhappy and projects that on to our relationship but she doesn’t nag at me, fight etc, she’s just withdrawn. My highest value is the family unit and I want to protect that at all costs but it’s becoming harder and harder. I’m happy, I love her and the life we have. Now I know I can’t fix her, how can I help her fix herself?
Have you ever considered discussing how to cope with emasculation outside of marriage? By society, by the news, , by what is happening to any male heroes, and the impossibility of being heard as a man. I've been extremely lucky in my wife, she's a gentle, supportive, loving woman, who absolutely falls on the low end of the negative female behaviour you describe. Not that she doesn't have flaws, but they're not the sorts you mention. What I do struggle with is that my career,, and pretty much everything else is at a none starter because of the current cultural climate, and the constant barrage of misandry; which as a male survivor of sexual abuse by women, I find particularly hard to cope with. At the moment, my wife is! literally the only thing keeping me here,! so, some more general thoughts on this, and not from the usual: "men need to learn to forgo their toxic masculinity!" perspective, which is the standard thing you get with psychologists these days, would be very helpful.
You have to exercise a huge degree of self love, self nurture, self respect, and self compassion. You can choose to listen to the emascualting stories soceity says, or you can choose to say "that's a lie" and not even engage with it. And then replace it with the truth - that you're a man, you're capable, you're strong, you're worthy to be loved, that you have a gift to give the world. All these things are true. Don't let a fucked up soceity rob you of your self love and joyful freedom. Because that's exactly what lies are meant for - to rob, steal, kill, and destroy.
I've been married for 21 years. I asked my wife if I could call her "honey" instead of having to call her here full name at home only. She hit the ceiling for me even asking. 😈
