Do you think a pathological liar can also be a narssasits or at least exibit the same or similar behaviours? And are they capable of loving the grandchild of a person who has been traumatised by their traits. ?
I agree with everything accept calling them out. There’s no point all they will do is make up more lies and gaslight these people are simply not capable of being truthful to resolve anything.
I do it to state the facts, not to obtain results. I tell him liars go to hell and he should talk to God before it's too late. It's my job to tell him the truth, not to make him believe it. God will do that, if He wills. "As it is written, Jacob have I loved, but Esau have I hated. What shall we say then? Is there unrighteousness with God? God forbid. For he saith to Moses, I will have mercy on whom I will have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I will have compassion." Romans 9:13-15
Calling them out on each topic is important part of healing. It’s important to let the liar know you don’t believe what they are saying anymore. It’s important to let the liar know where you stand, they probably will still make up their own reality.
If they are especially narcissistic I think these tips work even better. Not only can you tone it down and appear easy to fool, but they actively fool themselves with their own grandiosity.
It sucks being accused of a lie, but worse when you come up with unarguable facts that can prove the accusation is both stupid and false, they say, “No, that’s not what I said, I said this……” (another lie). You can’t resolve anything because they thrive on conflict.
I totally played Colombo. I always questioned the lies because they did not add up, ever. And, I literally would freeze my face so that I would not show expression. Inside of me I was saying to myself “ what an f*ing stupid lie!”.
The tip about Dont argue is spot on. I just had to deal with this silly lie, took me the whole day trying to fix her lie, and still kinda dragging on in my mind. It was extremely draining to argue with them. You show them the proofs right in their face and they still lie. It's so insane.
5:05 you just described word for word one of my experiences at work. It’s awful to be on the receiving end of this behavior, especially when perpetrated by many people at once. Extremely traumatizing. Which is why when I stumbled upon this quote, I felt tremendous healing: “Even if you are in a minority of one, the truth is the truth.” - Mahatma Gandhi
That's a great quote! I also like the beginning of the poem 'If' by Kipling that says: "If you can keep your head when all about you are losing theirs and blaming it on you, If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you, But make allowance for their doubting too" The only problem I've found is that I had to learn to keep the part about 'making allowances for their doubting too' private or in my own mind because people just shit on you and take advantage of that should you openly consider what they're gas lighting you with to be true just to be open minded and objective but this poem along with Neil Peart lyrics (along with other great lyricists) help me keep my sanity in this fucked up world! Good luck to you!
I'm moving out of my mom's house this week because she's a pathological liar. It's intense but your videos specifically are helping me through. Like a LOT. Thank you❤
I have a sister who is a pathological liar!She was always a very insecure person growing up together as kids. She always told lies on me. For example: One day when we were in high school she told a horrible lie that I had gotten into a car accident and had passed away! I was going to a different school when she did this but the word has gotten back to my grandmother and she immediately called our mom to see if it were true and she was very upset that my sister could say that. She has been very jealous of me all her life and I finally had to stop talking to her all together!
Everything you said about a Pathological Liar is exactly true.... Omg you're right on point.. That's exactly how this person is that I know. Just turns to a endless argument, a big circle.... It's freakin hard dealing with a person like that...
When I was younger, I would get very upset with perpetual and pathological lies, not so much the liar, which I find odd even today. Today I manage to distance myself, I still feel that grrr feeling but I just take a deep breath and remove myself from that persons presence. Funny enough, I have caught myself in pathological lies as well, especially as a teenager and young adult: I lied to my mother often. Because if I told her the truth (that I'm afraid of her and I prefer anywhere else than near her) she would exploit that like you wouldn't believe it, use it against me, poke at me , rage at me for hours, silent treatments, threats. So whenever I came home late because I just didn't want to go home I lied to her. "Oh the bus was late, traffic jam, train cancelled" etc. When I'm sick as an adult, I still have that fear, especially pertaining to work. I feel like I'm not going to be believed, not even with a doctor's note, I always expect a cruel or vindictive backlash for missing a day of work. I realize that's not a fear based in reality, not todays reality. But it grips me every time.
It’s the circular conversations and arguments that I just can’t do . I just sent an email the other day to my soon to be ex husband saying “ I like looking at circles , not moving in them “ . He continuously screws up by lying about something or being nasty when I call him out on it and we separate. Then he comes around and admits he’s wrong only to continue the cycle over and over by never really changing his behavior. And then try’s to spin things in such a way that he becomes a victim in a problem he created . Absolutely ridiculous. 2 more months until the divorce is final 😅🎉
❤❤😂❤wow. This is my life story. We are in home separation right now. He hates the word divorce but does nothing to stop these circlea. Did you finally get out? How was it?
This has helped me so much. I have found so much peace by this video. I am dealing with a close family member with these traits and it has been extremely disruptive to my life and close family relationships. Again thank you so much for you videos.
My sister is an extreme pathological liar. She’s always been like that ever since I was a little girl she’s one year older than me so this day she will lie about things and blame it on me. That’s not true and she’ll believe her lies. Accountability for the things that she’s done then I realize that she won’t remember the things that she’s done to me, but blame me for the little tiny things. she never takes accountability for anything, and she honestly believes her own lies
I have a mother who, for all my life, has been telling lies. Lies about ridiculously trivial things and big whoppers. Doesn’t matter the reason or even if there is no reason. And she doesn’t stand back and wait until she’s spoken to…she just interjects these lies constantly. Doesn’t matter if it’s one on one or the whole family sitting around trying to have a pleasant conversation. Just right in the middle of anyone talking about anything…there she is. We know that there is a lie in almost every sentence. Seriously. It’s that often. I’m in my 60s and I still remember the first time that I realized she was lying. I was 7 and she lied to the bank teller. My whole face got hot and I felt nauseous. It didn’t affect her at all. I’m sure she thought that everyone believed her. It has made me miserable. Well, I’m grown, I’ve let it make me miserable. She’s in her 80s and she’s kind of slipping a little and her obvious lies are becoming more and more obvious. But she’s not a quitter. Is there anything that can be done for her? Has she just been doing it so long that it’s like breathing for her? I honestly don’t know why I still care. I have always been VERY sensitive. She recently told a lie about me. It’s probably not the first but she told it right in front of me. I’m so mad about it that I can’t see straight.
I was traumatized by someone who called me from work.oneday. my boss said it was a joke..kudos to you for getting to the truth.. I don't even want to go outside at all. Boundaries. People have the worse boundaries .
I was listening to one of my relatives this morning tell me a whole bunch of lies but I was also reading in-between the lines too so to an extent he serves a purpose but what keeps me ahead is, I stay quiet and cordial and downplay what I know (instead of "reacting" like they expect)!
I feel the fact that these individuals are "not worth it" is at the center of a core truth. Knowing that why risk personal peace to attempt to repair what can not be fixed by anyone but their own self? At their core, they are dishonest even to themselves. It surely seems like an issue that requires a professional. Since these individuals fail to be self-aware, they only succeed at being selfish and unaware.
Thank you, this is rather helpful. Im trying to adress multiple years of phisical and mental abuse (including SA) from both my mother and step father, but its extremely difficult to get anywhere when i spend multiple minutes correcting their denial and lies in front of the social worker. We're supposed to attend a "family therapy" and i know we'll get nowhere. Its going to be circular arguments and victim blaming. I only trust my therapist, who's the person helping me with the PTSD and my ADHD. The family therapy situation is sadly more of a necessary theater where i attend, let them lie, and then i have to spend the next hour correcting lies. (And then im not even believed) Pathological liars are so tiring. Thank god im focused on working with my psychiatrist and therapist, thats where the actual help happens while i attend this other charade.
This essentially describes my mother. Except there is rarely any external benefit to her lies. For example, we recently had our vaccines together (or at least we entered the building together but then went to different areas), and when we came out I noticed her's went in her right arm. I know she is right handed and I know she was asked the same question as me so logically you'd want that needle in your left arm, so when I questioned it she instantly replied she's "ambidextrous". First I'm hearing about it 40 odd years. She told 2 lies in the space of 15 mins and her 'good' arm was dead for the rest of the day.
Thank you so much for this! I’m dealing with a very difficult situation involving someone lying about me. I am devastated by this because the consequences will impact the life of a vulnerable person with no voice. Thank you for these tips!
Excellent video! I have caught my direct supervisor in so many lies. Most of her lies center around her background. She was a personal assistant to the Metallica rock band and other groups. She built massive stages for rock concerts, etc. Did I mention that she and I are service providers for the elderly? We are not paid well and have low level jobs. Her eyes glaze over and she becomes manic when she is telling one of her “stories.” There’s not much I can do as she is my boss.
I really appreciate you as a professional, your knowledge, perspective, and your channel because it has helped increase my understanding of why the dishonest and manipulative behavior of so many people in my life has resulted in so much stress, anxiety, and trauma 😢
I hope you're doing well. I am going thru hell right now and am alone. Ur videos are sadly my connection to any reality rn. I know I'm not crazy but this girl who had my kid is gaslightly, has bpd, and lies like a rug. I'm so exhausted and sad. U r a breath of fresh air. Thank u....SO much. Lots of love and respect
Thank you! I appreciate that. ☺Doing well. I hope you are too. Hang in there. This is a tough road. But once you come out on the other side, you will be stronger.
I worked a part time job for a compulsive liar. it only took me a week to learn he was exactly thought. LOL i just made my money then walked away when the time came.
That's it! That's how you do it because they are typically toxic individuals. You're not going to get through to them and boundaries are not going to be there. You did the right thing.
This is like giving in and surrendering to me well that's what I thought at first. I'm a survival of two wars (2 path liars). I suffered a lot and have lost many things because I was fighting back, I seek truth as an INTJ personality. practical realistic with no empathy, very short tempered but i have a good endurance and energy to fight back. The reality I became meaner and turned into an evil so I was able to get them out of my life for good. It's not something I'm proud of. An unhealthy mindset affected my daily life. Now I hardly trust people or believe what they say. I'm cynical and I care less. Thank you so much for your help. Best way is to keep calm controlling the situation and dealing with it in a practical organized and composed way. That's how healthy our personality should be.
When pathological lying leads to the police coming to the door and going to court with a restraining order, it is very frightening because it destroys your life and monetary situation. It costs so much to hire a lawyer; it costs in time lost by the family together, the courts, the lawyer. The worst is that you may be convicted and lose what is valuable to you because it easier for the court to appease the liar than prove the truth.
Thank you so much for your time and work. These are extremely helpful videos. It's true insight unfortunately doctors that have worked with my mom have never been as vocal and accurate with their advice on these subjects
Thanks so much!! Very humbling for me to hear that. And yet, quite disturbing. The same has happened to me. I just hope and pray the field gets wiser and the great leaders gain more insight.
I don't know what to do anymore. She's right infront of me and I still cant stop this. I've become what I swore id never be. Kids involved, I'm trying to buy time so their out of high school and on their way but Its gone waaaaaay too far now. 16 years of nightmare cheating lying stealing taking money etc. I have my own problems but I cant even get to those. PTSD, sexual abuse shit from when I was 4-7, she just overwhelms me till i go numb. Its only us in this echochamber, I have no one of a sound mind to help. When I ever do find someone shes unleashes hell on that person and comes up with every possible reason to cut them out of my life. She lives completely separated double lives. I have trouble with just plain basic everyday organization tasks etc so that takes most my focus, just trying to get today inline with tomorrow etc. Shes has and wont let go of supreme control.
My sister and my mom will tell everyone I am crazy and making things up.. to the point I had to expose them and my sister will flip the script and turn the tables on me when that’s what she did to me. It’s scary and sad 😢
My friend was a liar in the end I had to end my friendship with her because I came to the conclusion that if her lips wete moving, she was lying. She was also very vengeful, by her own admission. She was actually dangerous.
): I just dealt w this! I was so angry and sad. But I just walked away! I couldn’t take the lies anymore. After being lied and lied to. It’s just so disrespectful and degrading. Because it feels like they think you’re stupid 😣
Thanks for this...my mom has shown examples of this behavior to gaslight me and manipulate a current living situation with my gramps and the family dogs. The dogs are innocent. But my mom even tries to use them as a leverage of power to psychologically gaslight my feelings of how I feel, what I'm doing for myself...my own path, and she even threatened me with a knife....makes it feel like one of those sci fi stories where the family is not the real family or the Truman show....
Same my sister and nephew are malignant narcissist and my mom will tell me not to fight with them but its hard whem my nephew steals my things has stold my card info to buy play station games and dosnt hold him accountable hes hit me and hes 15 like 6 feet tall and 300 pounds i called the cops but i didn't want to press charges cus i felt sorry for him but hes evil and lies so does my sister she makes excuses for him i have to move out because my mom sides with my sister because she has 3 kids and feels sorry for her
My BIL lies so much that It’s demeaning and insulting to me that he thinks that I am that naive and gullible to believe the crap that he’s saying. He has gone up to a total stranger saying that he was in Vietnam with them. They look at him like he’s nuts. It’s embarrassing. His wife believes anything he tells her. I run out of patience being around him.
Thank you for sharing this. I think a lot of people feel the way that you do but really it's not that logical for the pathological liar. The pathological liar doesn't care whether or not you're smart or whether or not you're on to them. What they care about is what they're doing in the moment and that's lying and unfortunately sometimes nothing they do make sense. 🤦♀️ The behavior is very primitive if you ask me
I dealt with one and I had to start recording his rageful outbursts and collect the abusive text messages for self-protection. I hope he leaves me alone knowing I have enough evidence against him. Thing is he turned my family against me.
Oh my. That's rough. Sometimes you can use recorded "evidence" but it's best to know about your wire-tapping laws. Sometimes law enforcement, an attorney, or a Judge will not use recordings unless you forewarn the person that you are recording them. It's almost similar to when you call a place of business and before the rep gets on the phone there is an automated message that says "please note, you are being recorded for training purposes." You would hate for this person to know the laws and not fear what you have.
Been dealing with a cousin who does this. I seem to be the target since we met. She acts like she likes me but then will blame me for things she is responsible for and tries to get others to back her when I don't accept the lie. If I counter her point, she will double down and refuse to accept her responsibility. Then gaslight me about my state of mind and ascribe false emotions to me as a reason behind my refusal to agree with her. I am "bitter and angry" because I won't take the blame that I don't own or confirm the lie she told as truth.
I'm sorry. It sounds so confusing and I would be confused dealing with this family member. Boundaries is what is needed here and possibly even you stepping out and not engaging in the argument. That will keep you sane.
I ran into my ex the other day, We broke up in 2017. He was with another woman. I politely said hi and I planned on walking on but then he asked how have I been. I lied and said i'm happy and that i'm engaged to another man. when i knew i wasn't. I didn't want him to know my life was miserable. His woman gave me a hug and they both said congratulations. I was raised to believe that what I did was an act of pride and self-respect. But i'm learning from these videos that maybe i should have just been honest.
What if you have PTSD, you’re right, validation of truth is everything, BUT what if you can’t get the truth. As far as, denied due process, so the truth isn’t told.
How do I live with an abusive pathological liar who won’t let you work. Takes your car , destroys all relationships, empties the refrigerator with only what he wants to eat and then retaliates if I get mad
I live with a pathological liar (my young adult son). He lies about a very serious thing he's doing to destroy his health and his life. How do I not engage or react, when I have actual proof that he's lying, yet he continues the lie? I have generalized anxiety disorder, so this creates an enormous amount of stress. My husband refuses to ask him to leave our home, so that is not an option. This health issue is not being addressed, but he feels he has it under control.
Hi Mary, This is tough because although you know the truth and he does too, no one gets anywhere. Who knows why he lies. Who knows why he avoids accountability. If you respond you are only tiring yourself out because he may never own up to what you and he both knows is truth. 😔
I dont agree on not responding to liars. I have dated guys who were pathological liars and all the time I just didnt respond that made them feel they won as they thought I didnt even realize that they were lying to me all the time . Also they will keep lying to you if you dont confront them their lies. I think best is to confront them or else they will think of you as a fool.
It makes them feel smarter and makes them feel good that they have one over you and that your gullible enough to believe them sometimes its to get away with things and not be held accountable
I have to say. I had to turn you off a couple times. For one, you made me relapse and get angry. This is who I’ve had to deal with for 15 years. Second I need to write down what you said about ptsd or extreme depression, the need for the truth be validated!!! Even if the truth comes out and nothing changes, it will make me feel better. If you every need someone to study, I am 1-1,000,000. Thank you for your videos.
But to keep it simple, how to outsmart these people is not even deal with them and that alone will eliminate any headaches, potential problems, etc........
If you box people into a corner of if the liar has done it themselves people tend to come out fighting. I could easily box my daughter into a corner on her lies but she's holding our granddaughter in check mate. Lost as what to do now.........my family is destroyed on a lie. My daughter has accused my wife of shouting ( tantrum,,,,) which is what she did, it's baffleing........
I just started taking to someone and he tries to make himself look as if he has more than what he has. I don’t know how much more I can take I’m honest at least 99% of the time ! I just need to leave him alone!✌🏽😒
I grew up on columbo. I play stupid all the time 😂… / Yeah, the bickering goes on and on about dumb stuff like is it ok to lie after him lying and the insanity of it. Really feels like a way to exhaust me so I don’t feel like going anywhere.
@@TherapistTamaraHill that's the case, I've reached a point where I can't look aside anymore after all these years, he's not a bad guy, he just has this thing he can't control , thanks once again from Argentina. ☺️
Never correct a lier , let them tell someone who knows the truth . you can also prove out their lie.. Like, there is a security camera there , shall we check it ? Record their lies...show to people who know whats real. Charge them with libel , slander etc...
I've just had a big thing happen today with my brother in law who's been known to be a liar. Today he tried to pull a big one on me and I caught him. He keeps texting me trying to explain himself and I won't be surprised if he shows up tomorrow to try and do some more smoothing over. I want nothing to do with it but I fear I'm going to explode and yell at him. I caught him but yet he wants me to believe it was something other than what I found. And I know he won't give up till he thinks I believe him.. So exhausting..
What is it when somebody has done something wrong to you like let’s say they were supposed to pay you back $3000 and then they act like it wasn’t alone and that you just gave him that money. Is that manipulation gaslighting? Is that something that sociopaths do because this is the father of my child I’m dealing with, and it’s extremely concerning to have my child growing up with somebody like that.
Hi Tamara. Just curious if you ever had the “pleasure” of dealing with a psychopath/narcissistic person in your life. Was married to one for nearly 19 years, though I feel the journey into being that kind of person through and through developed as she refused to deal with childhood abuses in a healthy manner.
Hi Brock, thanks for your question. Yes. Many, many times in my personal and professional life. Society thinks sociopaths/psychopaths and narcissists are common but the reality is that they aren't as common as we may think. I have experienced these individuals in colleges/universities, political offices, sitting across from me in a hospital to decide the fate of a mentally ill individual, and running a mental health clinic. I'm sorry you had to deal with this. Marriage to these people is pure imprisonment. I hope you have some peace of mind in your life now.
@@TherapistTamaraHill indeed. God has been good. Despite making 80% of the rebound mistakes one could I got a godly and wonderful woman to whom I am extremely well matched despite a 15 year age gap. We’ve been through over 9 years of marriage now of which the first 6 or so saw lots of external troubles. But I’ll take that over internal troubles anytime!
I pray for my husband. But if he continues to reject the truth, I do find comfort in that God knows what's going on. Jesus suffered through liars as well. "These six things doth the LORD hate: yea, seven are an abomination unto him: A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood," Proverbs 6:16-17 "Seeing it is a righteous thing with God to recompense tribulation to them that trouble you; And to you who are troubled rest with us, when the Lord Jesus shall be revealed from heaven with his mighty angels, In flaming fire taking vengeance on them that know not God, and that obey not the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ: Who shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord, and from the glory of his power;" 2 Thessalonians 1:6-9 "But the fearful, and unbelieving, and the abominable, and murderers, and whoremongers, and sorcerers, and idolaters, and all liars, shall have their part in the lake which burneth with fire and brimstone: which is the second death.” Revelation 21:8
Then things get worse. I'm sorry. This has to be tough! When a pathological liar also engages in self-destructing behaviors things get worse because substances change behavior and thought patterns which changes everything else in their lives. It's a spiral down for sure. I encourage you to seek out your own psychotherapy for additional support and somewhere to get answers. You may also benefit from slowly distancing yourself from him until he realizes, if he ever will, how destructive he is.
Yes the person know ,i started to pick up on there lies ,i though might be a exaggerater but now i came to relise i get out right lied to...his alot older than me like a father...his a friend but i court him out alot and they dont know how to read .is this part of it i wonder. Its actually made me fill like they get a kick out of me or expect me to give the reaction there looking for .
Honestly u gotta stop dealing with that aggravation...it takes time.. because they have flying monkeys to help them. I'm so sick of the last idiot. I just can't no more. Gtfoh...the less u deal with them the better
im under no legal obligation to tell you an individual the truth on anything! pathologic liars are easy to deal exit ..... use sign language if you need to talk to them!!!
these people take cues from you, if you confront them for lying, then they accept temporarily but have revenge in mind and they use confrontation to just confront with you about anything and tell you that they confront. i met such idiot and found him so disgusting, he was observing and copying all my techniques but still wanted upper hand in relationship. He never acknowledged that i am better than him in all the ways, to make me chase him he started putting me down. I do not like people who play such dirty games. Girega tobhi tangadi upar...
What if he is a husband n have kids together. How all that will effect the kids. What if he is controlling and caged all of them. Not allowed to do anything. What if he never stops you but if you trying he cause such circumstances that you dare not to try or even think about it.
