How to Portray Memory Loss with Music and Art 

People often say you don't know what you've got until it's gone. But Alzheimer's doesn't grant you even that consolation.

People with demnetia almost always will remember their favorite song, reason why all of them had the same song in a different energy

The very last picture/cover art is actually supposed to be a painting, flipped backwards. Making the art literally "unreachable"

My grandpa has had Alzheimer's since before I was born. A few years before to be exact. When I was young he was still very cognitive, he even drove. When my brother and I were about 6-7 he would take us to parks and he would play with us. He was exactly who I knew him as, my fun and loving grandpa. It wasn't until I was about 13 that I even started to understand the disease my grandpa had. I remember him forgetting minor things but other then that nothing too bad. When I became an adult I finally started to think about how scary it would be to have Alzheimer's. At this point my grandpa was in pretty bad shape. He no longer remembered who I was or even who his children were. Some nights I would think about how terrifying it would be. Seeing your grandchildren grow and knowing you may never remember them again. To this day he is 80 years old. When I visit him he greets me like I am an old friend, though he does with everyone. I try myself to talk to him like I used to when he was still cognitive. But I know that I also am speaking with an old friend, someone I had lost years ago. Though his memories of me are gone, he will always be my fun and loving grandpa to me. Love you Grandpa

I think the album cover for stage 6 is supposed to be the back cover of a painting. The painting itself, the sense of self, is completely gone. What remains is just what held the painting. The body is there but the mind is not there any more.

The thought of losing all your memories is extremely anxiety inducing. Like world collapsing until nothing is left. A fate worse than death honestly.

now this becomes a little bit harder in stage 3, ad: "i love it when you call me señorita"

The true definition of art " Comforting the disturbed, and Disturbing the comfortable."

Hm. I always thought the album cover for part 6 was the *back* of the canvas

Terminal lucidity is where a dementia patient sees a sudden improvement in function right before death. This makes the ending all the more terrifying when you think about it, because the patient returns for just a moment just before they die, and they remember everything. That's why the music from the beginning plays again. That must be incredibly terrifying, suddenly waking up and realizing that you've been gone all these years, and the only thing that you have left in your life is the distant memories from the past.

I can’t get through the first 30 minutes without feeling immense sadness and anxiety. To think that everything I know now can dwindle into nothing scares and saddens me beyond words.

Holy shit the subscriber count doesn’t match the quality man

Listening to this alone was a horrible mistake. God

Hey Grandpa.. Remember Joe?" "Who..?" ":)"

This is very under-researched when it comes to everywhere at the end of time. For example the 7 stages aren’t years they’re the stages of dementia, thats why the end is much longer than the start, you can stay in stage 5 dementia for years just waiting to die. Edit 6 stages

Trigger warning: self harm, but one time when I attempted, I caused myself to lose about two years of memories. I'm not sure of the science behind it since I was too afraid to tell my family and get it checked out, but I know what it feels like to have recent memories gone and others blurry like a dream. It's terrifying and I never want to go back to that. I hope my dad's family's heart disease gets me before my mom's family's dementia does.

I’ve been a bit obsessed with Everywhere at the End of Time. I listened to it twice and have been looking for good reviews. You’re the first to really talk about the repetition of the first song in the first part. I find that the most interesting thing of the whole experience. Also thank you for introducing me to the artist that does his self portraits!

I recommend reading the comments while listening to it. They seriously add alot. People sharing their stories of loved ones with dementia, people describing your life and the loss of it...your memories fading away, things you might not have noticed but add to the experience. Seriously.

One of my digest fears is Alzheimer’s. People I love getting it. Me getting it. I have depression and anxiety and just sometimes can’t handle letting go or loss or change. My great grandfather died of Alzheimer’s. I was young but old and smart enough to remember it. I remember one time when my mom told me to be patient bc he might not remember me. He forgot what I looked like but thankfully he overall remembered who I was. I remember he couldn’t even do simple things like swallow. It’s horrifying to me

stuck in a loop with being recommended this video, and "Everywhere at the End of Time"

I just had a thought after re-watching this again. What if the art of stage three are the flowers from stage two however there all grown and tangled which represents how the dementia now is tangling and warping the persons memories. As well as the flowers of stage two representing the beginning seeds of dementia. :0

Me and the boys listening to dementia music.

I listened to it n I was extremely uncomfortable and emotional at the end of stage 6 like I wasn't ready for that

I personally don't really get a sinister or evil sound in, "Place in the world fades" I think it's liberating almost? You fought so long, and so hard, and when you finally broke and couldn't comprehend the world around you, you find peace at the end, be it death, or something else. I personally think it's Death, as it something you can fully comprehend, even as someone with no way to discern or process the world around them, death is ubiquitous, something anyone or anything can understand. Hence the name, "Place in the world fades."

Web search results show 2 models for the stages of dementia, a three stage model and a seven stage model. In the seven stage model, Stage 1 is normal cognitive function (no symptoms). I believe The Caretaker used stages 2-7 of the seven stage model as the template for the six parts of Everywhere At The End Of Time.

stages 4-6 me and the boys rejecting our human forms

I'm obsessed with the Caretaker. I listened to it once and cried during and afterwards. I also commented about my grandfather who had dementia, wich I won't go through agian. But I love it but I know understand what happens. The last five minutes messed with me...

Going on a bit of an adventure with the EATEOT thing. Went through it twice all the way through twice this year already, but that was with a variety of sensory distractions to pass the time. Now though? I'm going to turn the lights out, put on headphones, and close my eyes. Went through the first four stages already... drove me nearly nuts, and I wrote some essays on my experiences, leaving in spelling and grammatical errors. Wish me luck on the last two, folks!

It’s almost like the further you fall into the album, you feel the confusion and fear, but also the feeling of sinking into your consciousness, going from muted colors, to gray, to static, to black. It locks you in slowly, just like dementia. Stage 6 is the feeling of death of self, maybe not physically dying but the death of your identity. It’s what I think dying in a room, alone in a bed feels like. It’s a feeling of your consciousness being shot to the edges of space time, far away, nothing left. Makes the title “Everywhere at the End of Time” and the final “Place in the world fades away” seem so perfect. All the titles of the songs and sounds are perfect though. Honestly, I love this, but I feel like I’m missing the point if I were to call it beautiful. Hearing the songs in the later stages that somewhat break through the mental haze is especially jarring. It reminds you that you have an identity, you had a life, but it sinks away from your gasp every time you have lucidity. Moments like this happen with my grandmother, where she has a very faint memory but nothing surrounding the memory makes sense. It’s an audible work of art, an experience of an ugly illness that I hope none of us experience. It also helps me in my moments where I don’t have feeling, almost wakes me up, or it just comforts me. It’s slowly becoming my caretaker.

The stages of the album aren't years, they're Stages of dementia, there are 6, great video! Just subbed

Stage 6 be like: “No thoughts head empty”

I love listening to these reviews, but whenever they play like the first 10 seconds of it, my body goes into fight or flight lol

Alzheimer's... I've been told that my grandmother might have this awful mental disease, despite knowing this, I still get frustrated when having to repeat myself to her, and I feel horrible for having an attitude when repeating myself. I wish there were some coping mechanisms for dealing with a loved one with Alzheimer's.

My friend had the wonderful idea of playing this while they slept. Big mistake.

If you look at the series William did (I think of his home?) that ended in 1990, you can tell something wasn't quite right. They started out crisp and clear and got more cubist/skewed over time. Or maybe I'm wrong and he just wanted to change it up. I didn't know the guy so I can't say but those were my thoughts seeing that series.

This is incredible and heartbreaking. You have earned my subscription.

I think the 4th album cover is a bit like the painting "girl with a pearl earring"

Ngl, I listened to this while driving and by stage 4 I was so nervous I had a hard time focusing on anything, I had to turn it off. Haven't finished yet. Wouldn't recommend driving and listening.

It feels like you're trying to tune in a broken radio, but you can't get a stable signal, as as time advances the signal gets slowly weaker and more garbled before what's left of what was once there dies to nothingness, leaving only white noise behind, before finally, silence.

God dAmn next I need a album that depicts depersonalization or derealization

I thank God that none of my family members had suffer from dementia all of my grandparents who had live above 65 never suffered from it and still remembers everything, so I'm glad that this will not happen to me or my parents. But this album itself shows awareness of how horrible dementia is

i was an hour in and i just felt calm but at the same time scared because i felt i was being watched and i also heard footsteps when im alone in the house

I love the video, but the flashy neurons in the background are extremely distracting Edit: spelling

3:46 To me, that looks more like a nose than a pair of eyes, but it's true that the final self-portrait no longer looks like an actual individual anymore.

Mfs when stage 4 came up be like "this is a certified hood classic"

God, the thought of not only loosing what makes you an individual but also loosing most of what makes you human terrifies me.

My great grandmother was diagnosed with Alzheimer's, and I visited her about 2 years before she passed (as she lived in central Mexico). She was 93 years old and and even holding a conversation was difficult for her to pull off. I'd greet her and she'd say hi, ask me who I was, so I introduced myself. Then she'd stare fixated on a spot for long periods of time until she'd become lucid again. I had to introduce myself at least 15 times within the week that I stayed. It was really heartbreaking to see all those memories, all that knowledge she gained over her years slowly slip through her fingers, and see her concentrate so hard on those memories to keep them from going. She almost reached 95 when she passed, and it apparently was way worse for her up until the end. She had plenty of family to support her, but she still always seemed so alone.

This breaks my heart as my grandpa and great grandmother went through this.

I still want your impression of those other 5 album pics btw.

fascinating stuff...found more respect for artists and their expressions

I was raised by my great grandmother who had dementia, and my great uncle who had schizophrenia and a drug problem. It was really confusing and sometimes terrifying as a child. To them I was my mom as a child, they called me by her name, would leave me alone for very long periods of time ( I have a lot of memories about this), and a lot of other things you wouldn't really give or do to a child in normal circumstances. These memories still have an effect on me today.

Here's my interpretation of the album covers: Stage 1 is a rolled up paper Stage 2 is a very abstract flowerpot Stage 3 is some sort of mess of plants (this is the least coherent cover to me) Stage 4 is a weird bust Stage 5 is smoke going down the stairs Stage 6 is the back of a canvas

I didn’t finish the album yet I flinch at the sound of “A Burning Memory” to me this album only gave me existential thoughts. Also love the video.

I struggle with memory due to trauma and Im always scared of forgetting important things...on top of that I lost my grandmother who raised me to alzheimers/dementia and a combo of other illnesses that wore her down...by the end she didn't really recognize my aunt (her daughter) and me...she knew we were her children but couldn't say our names. Part of me is kind of relieved she passed before she was too far gone. Everytime I hear clips of this album it drives me to tears and I dont think I can make it through. Its terrifying to think of losing yourself, all your memories, experiences...its one of my worst fears especially seeing it happen myself.

This video was well done. Especially the part about the musical album- I honestly can’t describe what I’m feeling inside: emptiness, sadness, despair, terror, numbness. My paternal grandma had dementia, and the last 5 years of her life were so sad to observe. She became very frustrated, angry, and at times quite mean, so for me, it was really hard & painful to be around her. I did the best I could, I was so young back then, but I didn’t spend as much time with her as I would have liked. (I was 18 when she first started to realize her memory was slipping, and then 24 when she passed away. She lived to be 94. It’s been almost 12 years since then.) I hate that she had to suffer like that in the end, and I’ve spent years beating myself up over not doing more for her, for not spending more time with her. After visiting with her, I’d usually end up going home and crying. She was still physically alive, but she was already gone in almost every other way. I do my best now to be compassionate and forgiving to my younger self- it was hard for all of us, and I really do miss her. But I’d be lying if I said I’m not afraid of getting old. I’m *terrified* of getting old. Terrified of losing my memory like my grandmother. And now that my dad is 69, I worry a lot about him too (especially because he lives a couple states away from me.)

The title that went something like, “confusion so thick you forget forgetting” is the most tragic title I’ve ever heard...

one thing i noticed at the very end, it almost sounds a little like laughter in the background. but its super distorted. like you can hear the sound but you cant make it out when you have that severe of dementia.

Throughout every part of my life and every part of struggle I’ve sought closure, the thing I truly fear of dementia is that there’s no closure, from the point the diagnosis comes there is no real end it just simply fades away. The grandmother I saw when I was younger wasn’t the same one that sat blankly on the sofa she never used because she thought she was a guest in her own home. The caretaker album to me speaks as a memoir to simulate the lack of closure. The final album is a canvas facing away showing that the identity of the art is hidden, it is known but cannot be shown or truly understood and there is no closure

Stage 1: You forget specific dates, have trouble remembering the right word, and need to make more effort to remember names of some friends. Nothing that concerns you or your doctor. Stage 2: You forget how to do complex tasks (such as sewing), repeat the same thing over and over again unintentionally, have trouble focusing, and get confused when you drive. Your doctor is concerned, but you're most likely not. Stage 3: You completely forget the names of close friends, have trouble doing every day things, and you begin to get frustrated with yourself when you forget something. Everybody is probably concerned at this point, and you're starting to realize that you're losing the battle against your dementia. Stage 4: You forget how to dress properly or bathe, have trouble remembering the names or age of close family members, and have to try harder to recognize your own children and grandchildren. Everyone tries to help, but you're too confused to figure out what they're trying to do to you. Stage 5: You forget the feeling of hunger and thirst, develop numerous false memories, have trouble recognizing everybody around you, and develop paranoia. You become scared of the people around you, and doctors try really hard to cooperate with you. Stage 6: You completely forget how to care for yourself, have trouble standing up, and can barely even talk. Your brain eventually shuts down.

HOW THE HELL are you this underrated Honestly the presentation, the research, the analysis are all on point

My mom believes that she might have early onset dementia. She says she's always forgetting words and people's names. I think it's due to stress from this new job she started. It still scares me though. My mom and I are very close and the idea of her forgetting me is absolutely heart wrenching. I don't know what I'd do without her. I love her so much 😣

The 6th stage, right before the eerie tune and during it, you can hear the background noise of a hospital. You can hear a gurney rolling through the halls, probably to your deathbed

The cover art is indeed interesting and I'd like to share my own interpretation of them Stage 1: I consider the paper thingy to be the mind. The dementia has only just begun and is very slowing but surely starting the process of deteriorating the mind. Notice how the paper is a bit bent (the mind starting its degeneration) Stage 2: The cover here represents a pot with flowers. I consider this to be the result of the paper bending and changing its form to something different. The flowers represents the dementia that is "growing" out of the mind, spreading. Stage 3: This represents the evolution of the pot itself. Its colors changing, the flowers growing, the mind suffering, thee black the death of the mind. It's becoming even worse, it will eventually lead to darkness and death. It starts becoming unrecognizable. All too weird, all too disturbing. Stage 4: This represents a part where the mind stops recognizing things almost completely. The human face and body fusing with other objects, it's becoming even worse. Eventually nothing will be left. Eventually all will be forgotten. Eventually all will die. Stage 5: This is an evolution of Stage 4. Barely anything is recognizable in the slightest. Memories fading, the brain is dying, it's all a blob, a "tumor" if you could say. It's expanding even further, there's barely anything left. We can see the mind decaying and changing. Stage 6: Nothing is left. Nothing is recognizable. There are no more memories left. There's nothing to do since the brain can barely function. You can see a flipped canvas as what's on the it is unreachable. That could very well be the identity of the dementia patient. Only the back on it can be seen. And the only thing there is a square. Perhaps representing a fake mirror for one to see oneself in and take a look at themselves maybe as a reflection of the past. But there is nothing for the mind to reflect upon. There is no reflection of it. The mirror is not there. It's a false hope of identity. There is no identity anymore. The patient is no more. The terminal lucidity will not save them. All has been lost and the mind will finally die and be put to rest from its anguish.

This is an excellent analysis of a very dark topic. I just "came up to the surface" after diving in the deep ocean of this musical experience. Everywhere at the End of Time was the most terrifying, saddest, sinister, and yet life affirming album I ever heard. I felt strong trepidation before I finally dove in, but I am glad I did.

In EATEOT each stage has an image, this image I feel represents each stage in the best way possible. As the stages continue the images get more disordered and distorted representing the loss of one's perception and grasp of everything from their own thoughts, themselves and their surroundings. Stage one looks like a semi-rolled up newspaper, the image is solid and understandable. This represents that the person can still remember but the newspaper is being rolled up and closed with no more to be written. Stage two looks like a flower pot with wilted flowers, the image is a little hard to comprehend, the pot barely looks like a pot and maybe a mug with odd handles. This represents the person's mind starting to decay and their perception of reality, themselves and memories are distorting and starting to fail. Stage three is an indescribable complex, it looks like vines or a plant of some sort. I know one thing for sure about the image, it's tangled up. This represents the person trying so deeply and hard to comprehend the simplest of things but it all comes out as a tangled mess. Stage four looks like a person but is incredibly distorted and twisted. This represents how the person can no longer try to comprehend or think and will just leave something as it is because they just forget about the mess until they revisit it again and start over again. Stage five looks like someone trying to walk up stairs, these stairs are on top of other stairs in which they are now walking up more. This represents true confusion, they walk up steps they have already taken, once they get to the top they just make another flight and they keep repeating on themselves like ouroboros feeding into their own confusion only to start from scratch again. Stage six is just cardboard with tape on it. This represents how concepts are no longer thought of, everything is just a blank slate, they are so far gone that they can't even think of anything to start repeating themselves on. Stage six is truly without description.

The repeated sound that you hear from the first song and is in each stage is starting with everything being stable and as the stages go, it shows how unstable the mind is getting within dementia until... it’s just not functioned at all

Stage 4's cover art looks like some kind of face. If you look at the right most part it looks like a bald bearded dude but if you look at the left most pat it looks like a woman with her head turned back to you. You're not really sure which it is.

In the show Sons Of Anarchy, there's a minor character that has moderate-severe dementia (he forgets his own daughter in the show). He disappears one day causing his daughter to freak out and try to find him. When she does find him, he's sitting by a lake and is completely lucid but depressed. He says something like "Days like this, when I can remember everything. They're the worst." That always stuck with me as such a horrifyingly sad depiction of dementia, the idea that you could sometimes be completely aware of your condition, how hopeless it is, and that it's only gonna get worse. But also knowing that by tomorrow, you won't remember this moment, or any moment prior, and you'll be powerless to do anything. The idea that you could have this brief moment of lucidity, but equally be lucid enough to know that it ultimately doesn't matter what you do, who you remember, whatever moment of joy that may comes with this temporary relief is but a small mercy before things get much worse... It's terrifying

I am pretty sure that my 85 year old grandmother is in stage 3. She still lives at home and can perform basic tasks like eating, getting dressed, etc. with little issue. She can carry a mostly coherent conversation, but will ask the same questions repeatedly, sometimes only a minute apart, and will often forget common words or phrases. She has much better memory of things that happened long ago as opposed to recent things. She'll sometimes act as if it were decades in the past, for example once when she was at a restaurant she pulled out quarters to tip the waiter. Unfortunately she will overfeed her two dogs because she repeatedly forgets that she already fed them. One now has medical issues partially related to that so we are going to take care of the dogs in the near future. Her husband died a few years ago, so most of the time nobody is around to look out for her other than caretakers that stop by, but they can't be there all the time. I hate to think about what she might be experiencing. I hate to think that her surroundings and even her own thoughts are slowly getting more and more confusing over the years. Her case seems to be progressing slower than most. She started showing the very first signs of dementia around 10 years ago and it's been very gradual.

This is a fantastic video essay man!

Video starts at 5:08 I guess

Stage 3s artwork and stage 4s art work gave me chills when I first experienced the transitions

I feel like the creepy sounds are actually just random noises that the brain can't process from the outside world, that's why people with advanced dementia are jumpy. They basically have no idea what's happening around them, after a while their sense of self is gone too. Just imagine how horrible that feels. How lonely and terrifying that must be.

great video, can't believe this only has 1000 views

You should really check out the indie game Ether 1, it’s about a person who’s gone into the mind of a dementia patient in an attempt to repair their memories, as their mind slowly falls into disorder and decays away

That was very informative and well made but I had to speed the video up a quarter because of your delivery.

I have executive function issues which results in me being EXTREMELY forgetful like all the time. I forget words, I forget things you say right to my face, and I genuinely cant remember almost anything before age 12. For reference, that's a little over 67% of my life right now gone to the void. I don't remember any of my friends, teachers, or interests from before 6th grade and I dont remember a thing about my old houses, except that I cried the first time I moved. That's genuinely the only thing I remember about my first house, and it's so weird that now I cant remember why I was so attached in the first place.

I did some work in a nursing home a couple months ago, and one of my favourite residents had dementia. She couldn't eat or walk without assistance, and wasn't able to communicate anymore. She used to be a teacher and loved music, so if you called her Miss she would respond quicker than using her first name, and despite not being able to form any type of sentence, if you asked her to sing How Much Is That Doggy In The Window she could sing it word for word 😊 music seems to be something that the brain has trouble forgetting, which is really cool

drink some coffee bro you sound so damn sad and tired jesus

His voice sounds like the one kid who got called by their mom but doesnt wanna do the dishes

I listened to this before I slept and during my dream I saw my grandma who had memory loss and died in a retirement home in the middle of the forest. That was the first time I cried in a dream

Duuuudeee this needs more views!!!

Bro this shit made me really anxious wtffff this is literally fucking peak art

This album doesn't scare me rather it makes me sad or even nostalgic as if I miss the original things I knew or even enjoyed it's like.... guilt of lossing the memory I used to hold dear....like forgetting the moments with a loved one which I would never get back, to me this album really well captures the pain sorrow of these precious memories getting stolen and able to do nothing about it other than to except the reality as you slowly meet your demise

Just listened to Everywhere at the end of time in full actually, weird turn this day has taken. thanks for the good video, needed something to take my mind off how it made me feel, but still somehow be on topic.

Extremely well produced content. You won a subscriber! Btw I missed your opinion on the last 6 minutes of the sixth album. I personally think is one of the most fascinating parts of this work and I love knowing everyone's take on that. Anyways, keep up the good work!

Utermohlen’s last self-portrait was in 2002, featuring a faceless, pencil-drawn orb of swirling shade. Nothing was there anymore. The last things to go were the ears and eyebrows, last featuring in Utermohlen’s 2001 “Head with Coffee Stain” self portrait.

Is there a condition that makes every youtuber sound completely disinterested in the topic they are talking about and like they've been forced to do a school assignment they really didn't want to do?

Cant wait to see this channel grow popular i’m in love with this content keep up the good work 😍

Alzheimer is not really about losing memory, is more about beign lost in time

I was listening to this while playing a game with some friends and they abandoned me when stage 5 started, really had the time to take in stage 5 and 6 It's a really beautiful album when you take it all in

Great video!

I feel like stage 4 cover art is literally an artist rendition of mental block. Id say that album cover itself is the most recognizable. You can clearly tell its a person, so its not like were looking through the eyes of the individual of the album experiencing memory loss. Because when we look through their eyes the album covers are almost unrecognizable.

The main album was fantastic but, (this may sound stupid) but I listened to a minecraft version of it and balled my eyes out for some reason

everywhere at the end of time is truly haunting 😀 i feel like i need to listen to something lighthearted now

I’m really curious what it would sound like if the Caretaker did an album on schizophrenia. Someone I follow on Instagram has it and it makes me wonder so much, but imagine music about the hallucinations and voices that you might hear.

A1 made me cry. i cant imagine the end.

imagine 50 years from now "everywhere at the end of time pt.2" comes out and its just fucking lil uzi and juice wrld, thats so fucking wild

damn! love your content, man. i listened to the whole of everywhere at the end of time today and came right to your video. best decision i've made today, definitely subscribing!

This video is seriously underrated