How to Spot an INFJ 

Same, I have never "door slammed" anyone. I figured it is the clickbait; make them feel powerful or special social media requirements. I have left it open and welcomed them to respectfully stay. Sadly my respect, boundaries, and desire for authenticity, as well as reciprocity has made for a mostly lonely life. I still never forget those that stayed awhile and left. Still not sold on MBTI fully but it so terrifyingly fits me and it sure would have been nice to know I was not broken in some deep way a few decades ago. It's still nice even today.

@@anthonyhoban673 I think it is better to be potentially lonely and have our boundaries, authenticity and peace. Anything else, however good still eventually disappoints and drains our energy.

@@anthonyhoban673 It's very rare, but I have. The scary part is that as I get older the easier it is to doorslam as I'm finding that I don't tolerate people's nonsense and disrespect nearly as well as I used to, and from what I have observed this seems to happen with other INFJs as well. Part of the problem is that our personality type is a magnet for narcissists and narcissistic abuse. Personally I have suffered a great deal of torment at the hands of narcissists in my past that I allowed into my space, and once I got wise to what was happening I started booting them back out of my life. The price of course is that life got lonlier, but it also became MUCH quieter and peaceful, so it was worth the trade IMO.

Just had to go through this 2 weeks ago. Co-worker will no longer ride with me because he doesn't want to die. I drove 100 down the highway in and out of traffic all while only driving with my knee

I definitely talk to animals, insects, worms, furniture, my reflection, my shadow, small household items... pretty much everything. Except people. I listen to people. Everything else listens to me. (right?)

Absolutely spot on! Regarding conversations with animals and insects (I converse with birds as well) if you are paying attention, and INFJ's do pay attention, those animals, insects and birds communicate back--usually more effectively than people. Hope you have a happy day. Take care.

I put worms back in the grass when they get flushed out from rain and all the things you do, too!

DITTO!!! DITTO!!

@@marlenelindsey7638 Myself as well, as a child I would soak grass snakes caught in the sun on pavement(dried out but alive) in warm water and release them in the grass after a few minutes.

I feel the same way. I wish they had done this when I was a teenager. To fully understand at that age why I was "different" and what made me tick would have completely changed my life & choices.

they key is to stop rescuing - you cannot do the work that belongs to someone else -- if you remember the 3 doorways into drama are 1) rescue without asking 2) revenge 3) saying yes when you mean no.......life becomes so much simpler. These are key for any INFJ.

@@annatetiad.4991 idk I'm a Christian too so if people want help I usually do so

@@kelleyrogers6013 It's better to be there/available if needed then pay attention to what the person is asking for. We're usually way too intense which makes people actually uncomfortable and builds in us resentment when it's not appreciated or understood. We're just too much.

And they are angry with you... And we feel totally stunned by their reaction.

same and it brings back a lot of memories:(

I've always said that "Life is about who builds the better playlist" - I live in Baltimore = Tubthumping was what I was rocking to last week. My life long love has be American history in Baltimore, Maryland with my last name scribed into the top of the Battle Monument. I have given myself the right to remain silent and turned "Uprising" up a little louder now.

YES! This is why I don't listen to certain songs or artists.

Ain’t it awful 😫😭

I have exactly the same! Plus the exact time and place where I was. (also great for pub quizzes haha).

totally relate. Been there. Many, many times! Jay

I have spent my INFJ life with an absolute LOVE of history in Baltimore, Maryland. Since the bridge collapse, I have been avoiding everyone except my friend, Baltimore Fats, who put my opinion out in a video. I know TOO MUCH about the American Bible Society for this to "just be an accident"...... I have given myself the right to remain silent - I don't need to be offending people 🤣😂

A few years ago I met a woman who was an INFJ (before I knew what one was) we got talking about gears on bikes, anouther friend was listening, and said it was like we were talking in anouther language. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her, but she was way out my league.

Not exactly INFJ like, since you have Fe and you should be aware of the social dynamics of any given situation.

One of my INFJ friends does this. Once he's off, he's off. Sometimes he'll apologize for talking so much, and I have to remind him every time how much I admire his passion. -INTJ

For me, I always look for: 1. Pets 2. Books 3. Plants ...in that order.

Me too

​@@wolfe6220Heck yeah. Also solo conversations with any elderly people.

Me too 😊

Thanks for the pointers guys

Yes!!! 👍

Now that's really interesting. Maybe that's why so many of us "get" animals, and they "get" us. I can always tell when another person is fibbing, not what they are fibbing about, always, but that they are. I thought it was mild mental telepathy.

My joke at work is that I go into Sephora multiple times a day, because I may not be able to afford to live that expensive smell..... but, damn it, I will sample it for free when I am on the clock. I can at least smell expensive at work lol Perfumes masks natural smells that trigger a sensory reaction. I can remember the smell of hay reminding me of my grandparent's farm, the smell of chickens in my old Baltimore neighborhood, the smell of cinnamon at the harbor from McCormick.... Oh the memories.

The candle comment really hit home lol Does anyone find themselves touching all the soft clothing and blankets when shopping?

@@larrybradley3809 , I try hard to resist that! But, do you find that you can smell "death" on plasticy man-made fibres and you avoid those parts of the shop like the plague? Avoid some shops altogether because they smell so bad? Avoid certain isles in the big stores because they smell so bad? Can't understand how anyone can bear to wear that or walk there? Would far rather have far fewer clothes and shoes of far higher quality material than lots that reeks of death? And try to hold onto the good stuff for decades?

I’m obsessed with smell and I honestly thought all mothers could smell when their child is sick, as I always could. I also have a salt rock lamp and a scensie oil defuser thingy and a lot of incense 😅 And I have crystals and a rock collection on display in a beautiful wooden box that my younger son made for me 😊 And there are beautiful dried bouquets hanging all over my home. OH, and wind chimes in the porch. Very hippie dippy place. But when people I love give me beautiful things they made or got for me, what else am I supposed to do!?🤷🏻‍♀️ I should make seashell wind chimes this summer🤔

No in fact most people hate it and will actively avoid you, which, works for me lol 😅

People protect their pain. They're addicted to the payoff they get from being a victim.

Small talk - arrrrgh!

Dancing is such a great way to both express ourselves AND get us out of our heads. Just flow with the music.💝🎉

Bingo. How people go through life with lots of friends and social groups that never change...it's because they are so superficial! When you get deep and real with probably 80% of the "friends" you have, those friendships will be over before too long. People are terrified of intimacy. I just honestly hate this world. I find it very boring. Nature is the only thing that keeps me alive these days. And hugs back.

It is BECAUSE we understand people so well that we CHOOSE not to have a lot of “friends”. 😂

⬆️⬆️this

@@INFJMaleSame…….Irish. I deploy it often.

I thought I invented the “Irish Exit”😁

Psst... Don't you mean *quenches the spirit?

@@tinamitchell7496 I guess if you took the time to correct the wording in my comment, one that I made while I was very tired, and sad over the passing of someone in my family, but still felt like watching a few videos to cheer me up…Jay’s videos always do that……then I will spend the time to answer you and say yes, I did mean - quenches. You really do need to get a hobby if you need to correct somebody who’s just sharing a thought on RU-vid. I’m corrected enough at work and in life, I definitely don’t seek it on RU-vid in the comments section …..but apparently this is where some people come to get their “I’m going to correct people so I feel better about myself” energy out. I don’t normally reply to people that behave like that, but it just made me really sad to know that there is no safe place to share thoughts or appreciation to people who spend their time to make videos for us. Have a beautiful day. And since you have time, please note that I did change the word, I want you to be happy today…. and feel empowered. 😊

@@wacubby , I'm sorry about the person in your family who passed, and for your sadness.

That one year I taught high school English, my students thought I was always mad, sitting in assemblies, focused on the presentation. No, I was just listening intently. That was my "teacher face" or "teacher eyes." It's pretty intimidating, too, but I wasn't even aware of that until someone brought it up to me a few years afterward.

Yes yes yes yes yesssssssss! Reading your comment made my day and same here! My "purse" is a medical, make-up, shower/hygiene, electronics, bush-crafting, "this will come in handy" kit for myself and others. I even have a fold-able multi tool/pruning shears that I've used on so many occasions. Looks like we carry around the exact same items too except I haven't thought of the charcoal. That's a great idea! Thank you for sharing!

I have carried my “pickle kit” (aka you’re in a pickle? Something in this kit will solve it) since high school. In college my teammates call me “McGyver” because any time a problem came up I could solve it. I also mommed way before I had my first child.

😂 Jay

Agreed 💯

I just walked away from my daughter who married s anti social husband who is controlling her no more walking on eggshells around them did that for 55 years with my husband I isolate a lot anymore I am 80 also a empath

So very very tired, lonely and alone despite a life of aid and kindness; not that I wanted a reward for helping. I just retired at 50 with a full pension and I simply want to take care of my animals and peace out(fade away into the ether,not some violent end). No desire to hit 100 if this is life no matter how materially comfortable I can make it. Have you found anything that has helped you?

@@anthonyhoban673 No, not really. Just making sure I'm living as stress free as I can. I just left a very toxic roommate situation and that has helped.

I feel you, Tonya. Door slam on this whole world coming up.

Update I have found out he's a Vietnam vet now I understand him a lot more and my daughter was having small strikes and some cerebral problems we have mended things and it's good I am all about trying to mend things with my children and others it frees the heart

I personally do wonder if that MBTI derived .5%-3% INFJ population percentage figure is not actually wildly overestimated by people self testing. Not that it is wrong per se, as it is the only option for most. That said I have in my 50 years of life on this planet met exactly one other who acts as I do and understands how my tangental, forever running in overdrive brain works. That miraculous occurrence was just 4 short months ago in the person of my Phd psychologist therapist. They initially typed me unofficially through our talks because for the first time in my life and to a stranger no less I took the chance and bared everything in my soul to someone. In throwing all that life long, learned and deeply personal internal caution to the wind I have achieved some miraculous self directed peace. It has felt very surreal and like the universe has literally given us arcs within which to perform. We have been given free will but also blinders within which we must grow spiritually(not necessarily religious) within to overcome; or not. Previously I had thought the MBTI theory interesting and assuradly of much higher validity then astrology but not the what the hell moments of these last few months as I see my whole life frequently being written, word for word, by a few trusted others online. All the more astounding is that I had said, written and felt them decades before they were even alive. Going back to the original topic I will say with 100% sincerity that the MBTI INFJ Reddit has very few actual INFJ's in it from what I have read and seen. they simply embrace a label but do not act in anyway as per what INFJ actually means. What is an INFJ without an iron moral code no matter where they hang their physical or literary hat? This alone discounts the vast majority I have read thus far. This is not to disparage those seeking truth; I hope you find it; I too still search. How surreal to find oneself at 50 and see that there may well be a plan to the universe. I am grateful to my therapist who not with therapy but with belief and conversation has shown me I am not the things I believed myself to be; despite a successful societal life albeit a lonely personal one. PS: I should add feeling exceedingly rare has never once felt like a blessing, in the best possible light maybe one could say the universe has given gifts but also harder cards because it had faith; or it plays dice.

Whatever you are, you are wildly outrageous. This is a compliment. I would recommend the book, Please Understand Me by David Keirsey and Marilyn Bates.The %ile deals with the fact their are fewer I and N people. @@anthonyhoban673​

lol, glad you enjoyed the video! Salt lamps for the win!😂 Jay

And the lavender epsom salt baths! 💜

Thank God everyday youre not the T type. It realy sucks 😂

Can someone explain the difference between the INFJ-A and INFJ-T types? Also , you sir, are a unicorn. As an ENFP-A that has attracted a lot of INFJ’s in the past (whenever I move or enter new social group, it’s like they come out of the woodwork)… I’ve only met one INFJ male and it was only recently. I’m interested about what the differences are between an INFJ male and female . My sister-in-law is an INFJ female … we tend to have reallygood long deep conversations… it’s great. Pretty much every INFJ I’ve been friends with you could have some of the most random and weird conversations and actually talk about some pretty personal stuff and you know, they won’t judge you for it because come to find out they have some pretty weird thoughts too- and they won’t tell anybody else…. even if they door slam you later. I’m kind of interested on how male INFJ’s see the world and if it’s different than their female counterparts.

@@Jaxmusicgal23 When you say that this or that person is a type, I'm left to wonder how you know? Firstly, I would be very reluctant to tell a stranger my personality type. And frankly I've met very few people who've even been conversant in MBTI parlance. I'm not casting aspersions or doubts. I'm truly curious how the subject is even broached in any way that would be considered healthy, authentic and un-defended, just sayin'.

The amount of money I spend on scents for my home is silly…..but they mean so much to me

FRRRRR IM LITERALLY OBSESSED W SCENTED CANDLES AND PERFUMES

But I can get really overwhelmed by perfumes. And most perfumes are too strong for my nose to support. Especially the heavy ones can make me literally sick. I have a whole drawer full of essential oils and I love the clementine, lemony fruity ones the best. Smells always are associated with locations for me. I can recall smells from decades ago and know where I smelled them and can associate memories that way.

Same!

I love the smell of a book store. Is it just me?

Yes, the text/calls thing depends on the person and how much they’ve put me through. Sometimes you get caught in that in between phase where you know someone is raking advantage of you but you haven’t went so far as to ghost them yet. Thanks for the comment! Jay

Music is IT for me. Always has been. Blues mostly. Lately I have been enjoying Van Morrison and Daryl Hall, Boz Scaggs….their more recent music. I connect deeply with music.

I feel.this so much. This may be upfoward but here's my Instagram account... mutumasophiewaithera please dm me

You are welcome! Jay

That really hit me in the feelings. 😢

I also absorb other people's emotions so I'm having to learn to create distance. My ENFJ husband once said to me, "yes, your public face is a performance... always... " - that was revealing...

A penetrating stare seems like an uninvited intrusion to me unless we have already flipped some gate of intimacy. It demands an honest openness when trust is not established yet. You might trust anybody but a lot of people , men in particular, carry a deep distrust

Thanks so much, really appreciate that, and really appreciate you. 🙏 Jay

❤❤. Right….so funny!

I work retail. My boss wants to know how I can lock eyes with someone and know to call LP. I told him it was a gift from God, because I hate dishonesty.

I've given two people a "death stare" - it shocked and scared them on both occasions. It's not something I could fake though.

I almost did the shark eye thing in a store today. My husband miraculously walked in and saved the day. God bless him.

lol!

I know the feeling 😂

lol! Thanks!🙏 Jay

@@INFJcircle anytime 😉

Ohhh me likey this concept here!!! 👍👍

@@tammydiienno2751 it works soooo welll and people aren’t even aware. I came up with it from the advantage point of what would make me trust somebody so I started doing that in a way that I felt comfortable if I was rejected and it works beautifully

@@tammydiienno2751it works Everytine . And all it takes is a small gesture. Most people are unaware of it because we are built to find good people and even the smallest gesture. People pick up on even if they don’t consciously. But like I said only attempt if ready for rejection or it hurts. Good luck

@@tammydiienno2751 Simple gesture are all it takes.. getting slemthing for someone saying something self deprecating. People respond on an unconscious level and we are tuned to see it. It’s a slow process but it is very fruitful if executed properly

😂😂 It’s what gets me into trouble 😂😂

@@juneabbott6805 ha ha ha ha that too🤣🤣

I've been in this mode for 3 months now 😂😂😂😂😂😂,that makes us freinds by default now 😅

@@najiabushibba8963 Maybe we should open an hermit club. For me it is over five years. And from time to time I get out of my cave to see people for a day; and come back to my beloved isolation.⛰️🪨 Big foot must be one of us.🦧

drusillialeavel7533I live in a two house hamlet, 5 miles from the next village and 20 miles from the next small town in the pyrenees mountains in France. I just had a family gathering in Germany with half of my offspring. I needed three days of solitude to recover. This was my very own tribe! even though I need loads of solitude, I'm a mom of 8 and grandma of 17.A big flock and challenge.I love them to bids but they often scold me for not socialising enough.

@@picholoup did you tried to do every day 15 minutes to 1/2 hour of radical solitude. You just disappear from the sight of every one; and you let yourself go in your inside world or your reflection/ theory of something or even meditation. Set up an alarm for not exed that time (it is better to do many of these alone stations (socially talking)). So this way you partially regenerate without anyone noticing you have been gone. In the first times you will need many of these moments in the day. But with time your body will concentrate the regeneration needs (and it will be like dreaming awaken). Of course from time to time you will need to take half a day or more to fully recharge. But, at the same times, it will solve the problem to be perceived as antisocial, and it will as well awaken your INFJ's abilities.

Thanks! 😊 Jay

InFJs (the evolved ones) have a super high bar to call anyone a friend.

Same. Sadly, that may exceed my social interaction quota to achieve. I can only handle so much small talk or vapid interests; and too many other types prefer swimming in the shallow end.

Keep the faith. I have 3 close friends who are also INFJ's. The quality of my social life increased significantly, as you can imagine. We are geographically distant but we communicate regularly through audio messages and through video calls... I feel like I am finally finding "my tribe"!

Yep, pretty lonely being me :/

The closest I come to my personality type is an Intj. They're pretty cool.

😂 Jay

😂😂

😂❤

Thank you, my friend! Jay

Thank you!

I love dogs too. Theyre so funny and sweet ❤