How To Stop A "Frustrating" Dementia Behavior 

I planted flowers for my mother because she was cutting our pumpkins before they were ready. I grew a lot of different cut flowers and potted herbs for her. She stopped cutting the pumpkins and started cutting and arranging her flowers. It also got her to spend more time outside and walk around the backyard.

I do this for my family member with dementia. She loves to rummage through her things. I brought her an 18 gallon tote and a couple smaller 12-16 quart storage bins and filled them with random items. She likes to go through the containers and moves items between the bins. It works to keep her focused on something positive.

My husband often criticizes my driving and this gets very annoying, particularly when we are on a day trip. I found some audio books he finds enjoyable and listening to these on our trip has significantly decreased his repeated criticisms.

I give my husband all the small towels, wash clothes and socks to fold. He feels he is helping and I tell him how proud of him I am and it makes him happy

I have recently become my moms caregiver and your videos are helping me. It’s easy to get frustrated when you don’t understand what is happening, it’s so gradual sometimes.

Here’s an activity idea: (after sorting through family photos and taking out the “keepers”) give them a box if photos to “sort,” “identify,” tell stories (real or imagined), etc.

Thank you for this video, and all of the other information you so freely give. My 70-year-old dad is about 3.5 years since diagnosis and we’ve progressed to about a stage V out of VII. Mom and I are the main caregivers (other family members try but aren’t fully on board). We find ourselves (as I know so many others do) in this weird place of loving Dad where he is but also preparing for whatever comes next. It’s so stressful. And terrifying. Mom and I work as a team and do research and share the responsibilities….and I cannot fathom how so many do it on their own. It’s just a lot. And….I hate dementia. I hate losing my dad piece by piece. Sigh. But we won’t let him go without all the love and support we can give him, as long as we can.

We use different colour socks 🧦 and have 20 pairs and we pulled them apart and get her to pair them up and then we fold napkins as well

I love this idea! My mother used to be very organized and has a reputation as having an orderly mind. Well this is no longer the case, but I can go through boxes of stuff in my closet that needs to be organized or sorted and have her go through those boxes, one at a time, rather than her reorganizing the kitchen every week (she no longer cooks, and frequently forgets where she has moved something to, thus making things harder for me and my sister, who do all the cooking now). Even if it’s just a box of clothes to be donated, she can sort them by size or season and feel productive and accomplished without making my life harder.

My mother retired from the post office. I give her "mail" to read and sort.

My husband was a coin collector so we exchange $100. Of quarters each week at the bank for him to go through looking for something he needs. It is helpful with memory, eye hand coordination and he likes it. It keeps him from ordering stuff on his phone.

How about having a box of colored balls or plastic blocks or some other items that have two or three colors and asking your loved one to sort them into separate jars or another box? For men, how about a box of screws or bolts that need sorting? As ever Dr Natalie gives good simple advice that we can all follow.

My wife was given an MRI two weeks ago for getting dizzy upon standing up,and getting very bad headaches.This past week our family doctor called her in and said her frontal and temporal lobes were more reduced than he thought a 65 year old would be.Sometimes she will mix up the order of a couple of words in a sentence.Or perhaps over treat the dog and cats.She has always had a big interest the well being of all kinds of wild animals.Our front yard looks like a feeding/drinking station for birds,squirrels,rabbits and a chipmunk.But this is something that makes her happy,and gives her a positive outlet for a deep caring for animals.

One afternoon my loved one really wanted a gin and tonic which we didnt have so we went into the kkitchen and together made a pot of tea then found our favourite cups and then looked for biscuits ......then we went back and drank the tea in the garden ...no talk of gin!!

The problem is keeping them interested in the new activity...they lack focus! And go back to seeing things that aren't there or happening! It's a lot like the terrible 2's

I was going crazy with this all winter when I couldn’t take mom out as often due to weather. I bought a few unfinished bird houses, some paint and had her paint them so she could put out this spring. It kept her busy, focused on using her hands but didn’t require any thinking. She painted them all the color of her house, no variation at all 😂 and now wants to keep them all inside for decorations instead of in the flower gardens. I’ve learned to pick and choose my battles wisely for mental preservation so inside decorations they are 😂

Ask loved one to fold warm towels from the drier (big or small towels to suit persons abillity). Warmth is very calming, too.

My husband is in the early stages. He is forgetting many things and easily gets confused. Things are progressing faster now it seems. But he is still so helpful in many ways. I have a bad back and he has taken on my chores that involve a lot of bending, etc. I cook and he cleans up afterwards. He enjoys doing yard work because he isn’t distracted by other things that can confuse him. I will alway want to find things for him to do to help. So important to feel that you still can contribute in the family. I know as time goes on this will change. But during the time he is well aware of what is happening, my support and understanding is needed. I depend on this channel and other helpful ones to navigate this new world that we are in. Thank you so much for all the information and support you provide.

Thank you so much for everything you do. You have majorly helped my experience with my mom go as smooth as possible. She is at the point, where words only sometimes work. She does not do anything improper at this time, thankfully, but she once expressed a desire to go through the change jar to wrap the coins. I calmly said no, at the time, because I knew she would miscount (and no, I did not tell her that), and she was fine with that. Now I can suggest that she do that, and then I will reset it all, so she can do it again, when she wants to. Hopefully, I won't need the change for something else lol. My point is to always listen to your loved one, because they give you clues to make life easier.

My mum is being abusive to me it's killing me I love her so much it's destroying me I love her so much

My mom in law is probably in the early to middle stages. She has help in the home at night for bout 4 hours, mostly for her husband.. if we go visit at this time, we will bring dinner once or twice a week,she starts complaining about the help"why is she here so long,he doesn't need help..I don't know what she's here for, she doesn't do anything!' She actually bathes him,helps him get ready for bed etc.. she doesn't remember what she does,this seems to be the problem now..We don't know what to say except "Ma she's here to help him so you don't have to" and other logical replies. WHAT should we say instead? They still live in the house together without us.If I started saying "clean out this drawer or something" she'd look at me and say"why do I have to straighten out my drawer, it's fine." She is not at that stage now and it's HER house.

Ok, I thought that I would never have an idea....... but my mom loves candies, and we have leftover of mixture of Halloween candy. I'm going to have her sort them out into old cottage cheese cartons. She usually restricts her self to 2 or 3 candies so I think she will be safe with the whole bag. Will see how it goes. Thank you to everyone who is sharing ideas.

I just want to say thank you so much for your videos. My mom has now passed on but by watching your video we were SOOOO much better equipped to work with her. Thank You Thank You.

I had my mother shred all my old papers . She did forget how to do it every so often, I had to keep an eye on her but she was happy doing it .

This is great advice to keep in my dementia " toolbox". My husband isn't at this stage yet, but I'm learning so much from each week's post. Thank you!

I asked my husband to match a basket of socks and put them together when he was following me around.

My mum in law stares at me. I think it's for reassurance, but omword it freaks me out. Good advice here.

Thanks Natalie, for these great ideas. I am an avid knitter/crocheted...I get my mom to wind my skiens of wool. It gives her hours of fun and makes her feel useful. She can fold clothes, peel potatoes and make suet for the birds. Safe and little tasks. Makes her feel like she is needed.thanks so much for these videos giving us much needed support and understanding. 🥰 Sharon.

That’s a great idea, but unfortunately my husband, who has Frontotemporal dementia is unable to process what he is told. He will merely repeat whatever I say. Also he is bed bound due to a physical disability, so his ‘activity’ is severely limited. Thank you for all that you are doing to help carers. - Dawn 🌅🧡

My 94 year old mother has stage 5 Alzheimers and has now been placed into a Care Home after living alone for 32 years since my dad died. Mother is anti social and now in rapid decline, both mentally and physically. When at home, mother refused all offers of help and went through 4 sets of carers because she said she didn’t need them. Mother was under the Adult Social Care Services and they tried to involve mother into communal activities. Mother declined them all. She was confused, anxious and obsessed with lights, radiators, and cars parked outside her bungalow. Mother was a constant source of concern regarding her health and safety issues whilst at home. She had a fall in June and was eventually admitted to hospital, having refused to go earlier on. Mother spent 3 weeks in there and caught Covid. After being assessed by Social Services, she was finally admitted into her present Care Home. Mother is loathe to participate in activities, saying she is not a child and that colouring books are for school children. She is presently suffering from low blood pressure, very frail and thin. She does not communicate with her peers because she does not like being with old people. Mother sits in the Lounge on her own. Always. She is now beyond socialising, but fortunately remembers a few family members.

This video was very informative- I was trying to think of ideas to keep my mom occupied during the day when she loses focus on whatever she is is currently doing and you’re video made me realize I can take what I have at home and just re organize and make it safe for her to do and I will have a whole set of activities she can be occupied with. My mom loves paperwork, especially her financial paperwork when she used to do it she had a book that she kept all of her totals and bills in. She had a file drawer that she kept every month each bill she paid and would go through it at the end of the year, now she just goes through papers day. After day your suggestion gave me the idea that I can organize the papers and ask her to write them in her book and then try to file them if I do this and organize them for her, she may be able to do this, because she doesn’t have to pay them or anything. It would be a safe activity for her to do on a daily basis and it would help her because she would have her papers that she loves so much. She would also feel like she is still contributing.

I am so grateful to you for your video posts which I find helpful. My husband is in early stages of dementia and does not like to socialise, he needs to be occupied. I ask him to help with making bread which he enjoys along with helping with house chores as he like cleaning things and tidying up, I do run out of ideas and your posts I find invaluable. Thank you so much for your help in sometimes a very lonely situation. I send my heartfelt thanks to you.

Maybe you could ask them for help with towels that just came out of the dryer. Or help them to put their clothes away.

Mom had old clothes she wanted to throw away. So Ask if there are any good ones we can give to charities? Are there any damaged areas? , or separate laundry by colors so help with the wash. Mom likes folding the sheets with me, also. I can usually get 1 load, small of things to laundry nearly everyday. Socks, towels, sheets, pants underwear. Sort for wash, put these in dryer, or fold out of dryer. Dusting the living room

Count Scrabble tiles to make sure we have enough letters of each for a later game.

I’m going to cry. Thank you so much. Mahalo and God Bless you. Your a Godsend to a wife on Kauai! Merry Christmas everyone. Blessings, grace and mercy, and love.

Thank you again. Some new ideas to do. He used to cut up old invoices or mail. Going to add folding towels and sorting drawers

Hey RU-vid! This is SO HELPFUL to me!!!

This came at a perfect time. We are moving my mother into a assistant living space. The movers told us , not to pack things as they will do it another way. So the next day away she goes , tearing up the house in order to move, but it just makes alot of work for us in trying to put it back . We tried to explain it to her , please don't do it , but its not working . I will try your idea as it has to be better than mine!!!

Great tips , I could use something to replace packing up. Clearly she wants out of the place she is in, if I stay ahaed of this moment all is good, but often I walk into it and she is packed with a coat on waiting to go.

My grandma, I take care of her on weekends. And her things is constantly wanting to go home. This isn't her home. She wants to go home! All the time. And if it's not that she's looking for her children. And she constantly falls when she is by herself. She has to have helping getting anywhere.

Given the number of relatives that have had dementia I have made an appointment to see my doctor to get a cognitive test referral.I view it as getting a base line so that my family has information to help if need be. When my mother lived with me she would lash out at one caregiver the person would be helpful and invade Mums space ie if food dropped on her chest she would reach out to remove it I learned that the proper thing would be to get Mums attention point to my chest and then gesture to Mums chest so that she could see what was going on at least that is my memory 😊. Mum and I would play a Rummy tile game even to the day she left my home to start the process to be admitted to a care facility she could beat me both of us played to win I lost most of the time. There I hope this comment helps you and that the algorithm devil 👿 is pleased.

I love this 😊 I’m going to pass this on to my Dad to try with my Mom.

Thank you, Dr Natalie! This video is so very helpful. I'm thinking the silverware drawer that is an absolute mess could be cleaned out, lined with unsticky dollar store paper and put back together. And then another day, maybe the kitchen junk drawer. God bless each person/family who is caring for a loved one with dementia related illness. You are not alone in this, even though it is an isolating experience. -Christy

I am so glad you asked people to write down what they do to help give their loved ones something different to do. My mind went blank and I couldn’t think of anything clever. I love the bins idea-moving items and sorting them. I have a craft studio with many different safe tools scattered and not organized. It would be a fun project to have a helper go through some bins with me. Thank you for such great ideas!

I was just wondering if anyone else had issues with overfeeding pets. Thank you for the advice.

I love how practical your suggestions are. Thank you!!

I am guilty of this, wanting my Mom to stop 🔓 the front door and talking about the past. Since last year in October she had stopped doing those things and just wanted to sit on the couch and watch TV. And then she did stop doing the things I had been asking her to stop. At the end of October she wasn't doing anything including going to the bathroom or talking her medicine, her dementia claimed her now she is not able to walk or speak. She is bed and wheelchair bound. She

I love the “nuts and bolts” idea!

If I get up from my chair my husband says “what can I do? Can I help you” it sometimes drives me to distraction!!😮

My grandparents both are severely demented. Took me years to figure out why they ask the same question 5 times in a row

Thank you! This gives me so many things to think about! ❤️💜

You are an amazing human being. Your channel has been incredibly helpful and a great source of guidance and understanding for me! Also-Yay Miko!!! :)

I have my LO fold paper towel in half for napkins so we have them for dinner. That way I can make dinner without him under foot. He loves it, he also remember his father doing that.

Thank you, I have started doing the dishes together having client dry the dishes. I’m happy with this arrangement, it’s a win win ❣️

Very good info thank you.

If feels like I tried everything, my mom and I has given my grandmother with dementia everything. Like colouring books, TV series, and novels. She doesn't want to do anything, all she wants to do is escape and complain with us and ask us questions because she's so confused. She hides my stuff and I even have to keep my keys in my closet locked up or she'll hide them and then lose them. She mistakes us as strangers and doesn't want to live with us, it is so frustrating.

I found out a few years ago what was going on with my husband and you have helped me so much!!

Thank you Natali for making these videos! I will see what I can do to help my 77 father from screaming and banging on walls all night disrupting everyone in the house trying to sleep. 😞

My husband is certain his high school yearbook is missing. He’s angry. He can’t find it. We moved awhile back and not all the boxes are unpacked. I’ll try pulling out one of the boxes and asking him to unpack it. He can go through that instead of his trunk (again). Thanks for the tip on being proactive.

YOUR VIDEOS ARE EXTREMELY HELPFUL & OFFER PRACTICAL INFORMATION.THANK YOU.KEEP ☝ UP YOUR FINE WORK.

Thank you very much for all your great tips, is 2 weeks that I found you, and I have used them with my mother. It has worked very well and taken much of the stress away!❤

What a lot of great ideas to cope xxxx thanks xxx

My dad keeps getting really angry, and in return it makes me really angry. I can’t tell if it’s him or the dementia… so I don’t know how to respond when he starts going off on me about something. Idk

Thank you, this totally made sense!! I'm new to caring for mum with dementia. I will try your ideas! Thanx

I've been watching you for a while you're very informative and I like you quite a bit you're smart thank you keep doing what you're doing

Thank you great video, for your feedback it helps to do one of two things with questions. One. Give mic to questioner or two repeat the question so we know what’s been asked. Great thanks.

I really like your current method of giving us direct action suggestions for dealing with our dementia loved ones...very helpful!!! Thank you!!

Useful advice. Thank you. Liked to help your algo figures.

Very helpful information. Thank you very much.

Thank you for your kindness and wealth of knowledge

my aunt, she likes watch TV with a good drama or songs. She loved singing, so she likes to watch songs on TV. but how much she could watch TV. Need to find her some other activities. She is a very old fashion house lady with no reading and writing. So, difficult to think what to give her to do.

I hear you. Unfortunately my wife has focus for less than 3 min. In the next week or two I am getting her to daily daycare. What would be a time frame that would be practical of some that works from home.

Someone made a comment sometime ago for the person with dementia to fold baby laundry and to have a baby doll or a stuffed bear 🐻 to dress and undress to keep them busy and pacified

Great ideas. Thank you❤

I have a massive collection of buttons that I ask my family member to sort by color/metal into mason jars. I also buy yarn skeins from the thrift store for them to roll in to yarn balls. In addition, I have sports cards of no value and ask them to sort them into different sport categories, hockey, football, baseball, basketball. Also, separate different pasta shapes from a large mason jar of a mix I've made, into individual mason jars.

I love your channel ~ thank you 🙏💜

Your ideAs are so great. As a creative Careblazers also have a hard time coming up with new and replaceable activities too! Thats why you are great!

❤You are a blessing Dr. Natalie thank you for everything you do for us

Playful and/or meaningful things to do. Our guest room dresser is a great place for to do things. THANK YOU!!!

My mom started to wail. She says she's singing & it seems to bring her comfort. I tried to give her another activity but it doesn't last or stop. This wailing lasts a very long.

My mom has to mention all the timers, she frustrates me a great deal looking at your videos are soothing, sometimes it works sometimes they don't I'm the only person taking care of her, sometimes my niece helps when she can now she has osteoporosis she does not let me know when she has to go to the bathroom getting her ready for doctors appointments are almost an impossible feet and challenge for me. I love her so much with every beating heart she thinks I'm her enemy want to put her in a nursing home but it's not affordable for her or me hair fluctuation of these personalities are driving me insane can anybody help me come up with a solution I am her only son, head to retire early to take care of her😢😢😢😢😢

Problem is im on disability with my own health problems. I'm in too much pain and exhausted all of the time. It's extremely difficult to think of something to give her to do. I can't even take care of myself properly.

You have so many helpful ideas. I truly appreciate your suggestions.

I love the idea of this and have been trying to do it as much as possible. The frustrating part for me is that she won't stay distracted for very long....because she is so easily distracted by other things. For example, if I go in the kitchen to get a glass of water, and sees me open the cabinet or the refrigerator, she immediately gets up to ask what I need, what I'm looking for...etc. How can I redirect her back to the original task without confusing or overwhelming her? And just a side note/vent...I know this is not about me but as a caregiver it is exhausting to come up with ideas and keep up with the psychology behind distracting and redirecting all day. It's hard to accomplish things I need to do for her as well.

Well said, as always.

I really like this idea and will start to think of things mum could do. She often comes into the kitchen when I am shattered from cooking a meal and then hovers and starts to criticise a small spot of wet on the surface or a spot of sauce fallen from the pan. It’s always when I am tired and have put loads of effort into creating a meal for us both so I find myself really hurt from her criticism and it’s dangerous when she hovers because I am very hard of hearing and she can startle me when I have hot fat on the stove for instance. I will think about it in a new way. Mum is in fairly new stages of dementia - we live in UK and its been 2 plus years yet and we still don’t have a diagnosis or access to any help of any kind so this site is a God-send. One tip I can share - mum has this habit of becoming very aggressive and banging her hand on the table in a restaurant when she feels they should have brought her drink by now (we will only have ordered!!). I have bought a crossword book and now suggest we try a couple of questions as a distraction rather than address her behaviour directly. This is beginning to work and we are often both surprised when sometimes she can in fact answer a question correctly.

So it seems I have dementia. Your channel's been really helpful. Can you suggest any organizations to help with this in Denver colorado? My fiance was an EMT so she's known the signs so I just want to make the best of my life. Your videos are very thoughtful and helpful. And it makes me realize I'm not the only one dealing with dementia.

Thank you. I am learning a lot.

Remember to them they are then having a purpose, project and think they are still useful, play music they like, dance in a chair, etc. If trouble with mobility. Be sure it's their type of project., music.

Thank-you for this video! Very useful information...

My sister keeps wanting to go home whilst she already is home. I will try to think of some ideas to give another option. Thanks !!!

A woman in the home where my mother lives is pulling drawers and she's getting jealous because they aren't allowed to do this and my mother's bullying her even if she's only sitting on her chair. The nurses aren't giving her an own drawer. 🤔

Excellent advice

Thanks for your videos ❤

My mom always wants to go to our neighbors house. We don't really know him. He shovels our driveway sometimes, but we don't talk much. It's usually late at night too. I have no idea what to do. I try distracting her with something else. It never works and i end up angry and frustrated. She ends up screaming at me. He hasn't been turning on his Christmas lights and he's been keeping his house dark. Probably hoping she stops coming over there. She could get hit by a car crossing the street or lost. My sister refuses to put her in a home, but yet runs off to her grandsons house whenever she pleases. Leaves me to deal with her. Doesn't matter if im in pain or exhausted shes going.

Thank you so much and everybody that had a comment this so helpful

I have been helping with my Mother and staying with her for almost eleven months . She is pretty good most of the time but , will watch the same shows on TV every day from morning until night . She will go outside and on short visits with no problems but when shes home it's right back to the show or she's not happy .I try to change the programs and its okay if it's music she likes but , news stories are off her list of things okay to see . She is not interested in putting puzzles together but , does crosswords regularly and soduko . I'm trying to do my best for her and give my siblings a well deserved break . Im at a point where I need a break occasionally too and not being selfish about it . A day to clear my head , take time for myself to unwind and really relax would be nice sometimes .

You and the other people who comment are really helping me in my journey.❤

I'm worried about my dad not cleaning his frying pan. He keeps reusing it and might get food poisoning. I'd love some tips to help encourage him to clean it